Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 744. page
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>[part1]
How the fuck do I deal with nosy/up in my business type people? I guess narcissistic is the word for some of their behaviour.
Here's the situation:
>Got a job working for some friends
>This job requires me to stay for a few days, and work all day in a small room with about 4 other people
>A few of the people are fine, but two of them love to dig into my business when there is nothing else to talk about
>They especially like to play the 'mommy' game, where they ask 'why haven't I taken care of x-debt yet? What is your sister doing? Why haven't you talked to her recently? Why don't you have a car yet? Why is your boyfriend not doing x for YOU, or why hasn't HE got a car yet?'
Now, I understand that taking advice from people is good. I completely agree with that and do take advice when I need to, but the way that these too dig in...it almost feels interrogative in a way.
I don't know them that well even though I have been working with them a while. I do not hang out with them outside of work, and they are not my fucking family.
I just feel like telling them off sometimes and saying it's none of their fucking business, and my life is my problem, and they don't need to fucking but into it. I don't want their fucking 'advice' or them telling me what I 'should' be doing, or 'need to do'.
I'm human, I'm going to make mistakes. My fiancée is human and he also makes mistakes. We are working on it, and we are happy. I don't like focusing on the negative all the time, and we deal with our problems as they arise, so when it comes to these type of people, I don't know how to fucking handle it!
>[part2]
I can't be rude or mean because I have to basically live with them for a couple days, and even when I try to give them good news, they immediately change subjects to something bad, or ask about something that had been bothering me. And the part that gets me is that I don't volunteer my life info, they fucking question me about it. But if I were to say 'I don't want to talk about it', then they get on me about that too and say I'm being defensive or trying to hide shit. And again, I can take critique. I know when I mess up it's my fault, but the way they talk to me makes me feel like shit and that my fiancee is a shit person, which he isn't, and they never allow me much time to say the positives about him, or why I am with him.
How the hell can I deal with people like this? I don't want -their- advice, good intentions or not. I get enough shit from friends and family that love me.
>>17163296
They sound like cunts. Give very vague answers. You could try invading their space in a similar manner. But keep the money flowing.
>>17163306
I've tried giving vague answers and only keeping it to positive subjects, but they question me further. And I have actually tried to turn the questions around on them, in a positive way, but they either give a vague answer back and go quiet, or start say a little bit then question me more.
Usually I try to go to the bathroom or something, but god fucking forbid if I'm not working, then they get on me about that. I'm at the point where I almost want to fucking quit.
And I can't say anything to the boss because he's the type to come in and say 'alright, no body can do x anymore' or 'nobody can talk about their home life anymore', which will only make things worse for me.
It feels like middle school, and even when I was in middle school I hated this type of behaviour. I don't know what to do, but I have to keep this job for a while longer, at least till me and my fiancé can earn enough together to get our debts payed off and get a car.
But it depresses me too...I literally come back home and have to have a day or two to 'recover' and feel myself again, it's so fucking stressful.
Alright /adv/ help me settle an argument with a flatmate.
Flatmate 1 goes to kitchen and turns on disposal to find there was silverware inside and gets mad at flatmate 2 for not checking to make sure nothing was inside last time they handles dishes in the sink. Flatmate 2 insists that flatmate 1 was responsible for checking the garbage disposal before turning it on despite flatmate 1 having already done so the last time THEY handles dishes in the sink the day before.
Who is in the wrong for messing up the disposal and needs to pay for it.
>>17163265
Both of them.
Compromise and split the costs.
>>17163265
Are you flatmate 1 or 2?
Both should check, thus both should pay for it, or flip a coin
Whoever turned it on should have checked that it was clear prior to hitting the switch. While it would be nice for everyone to make sure nothing goes into it every time the sink is used, it's the moment the disposal is turned on that responsibility is taken by the person who turned it on.
This may or may not sound autistic, but do you guys observe people while walking? I get a lot of awkward glances back but I can't help it.
Also autism general.
Yeah. I'm not an autist but I'm socially retarded and somewhat crazy
>>17163264
Depends on the context.
If you make eye contact with someone there's nothing wrong with smiling and saying hello or w/e so it's not awkward.
It's all about how you react to the situation.
>>17163264
Yes and i have to work hard on trying to empty my head if there's a lot of people
And i hate it when a girl looks at me while walking or when im in a bus because i never know why did she look and if i look at her sometimes we stare at each other sometimes she acts like she didn't look so we keep on chasing the look one after the other and its weird to me
I mean im not retarded looking so dunno why that happens
And yes im actually autistic but i hide it pretty well
>Be in a stable 4 year relationship
>Have a raging hate boner for a friend
>Cool friend, terrible ideology and no inclination to back up her shit
>Also have a heartwarming boner for a 16 year old friend (I just had my 21th birthday)
>Smart and kinda conflicted
>Both in a relationship (they are bi and different ones ofc)
>Suffer
How do I master my twisted desires? They are not even that hot but their personalities and my obsesive personality make this troublesome.
>>17163239
So you would cheat if they were single? Have you considered a polugamous relationship? How about your partner? IMO this things are too much if a hassle. Just stay faithful and strong. Do not fuck your or anyone's shit up.
You're in a relationship don't go sticking your dick in everything that moved like a animal
I am currently going through some nasty shit for nearly succumbing to shit like this. Kinda liked my gf of 5 years' best friend (never actually done anything but lots of back and forwards). Was caught and am now hated by her family and friends, she is trying to come to terms with it. Feels bad man
Sup /adv/ I just wet my bed, I'm fucking 19 years old.
How the hell do I clean this up, besides the ordinary of just throwing all the sheets in the washing machine?
>>17163232
Just kill yourself so your mom would have to clean it for you
>>17163232
Take a shower too.
From Google:
1. Use a dry towel, cloth, or paper towels to lightly blot up the excess urine, then strip the bed. Avoid rubbing the stain, as this will only spread the urine deeper into the mattress.
2. Sprinkle baking soda onto the affected area to absorb the remaining moisture.
3. Make a solution of biological washing powder – we like Persil Bio – and water. Alternatively, if you don’t mind the smell (which can be somewhat potent at first) you can try a solution of one part white vinegar to one part warm water.
4. Spray your chosen onto the stain and leaving to sit for 3-5 minutes. If using a commercial stain remover, always carefully follow the instructions on the product packaging, be sure to wear protective gloves, and open the windows for ventilation. You should use enough of the stain remover to counterbalance the amount of urine that has soaked into the mattress, before leaving to air-dry.
Oh my god, help me /adv/, I'm in love and it's horrible:
>Back in October 21yo me meets 28yo bisexual, married woman
>Regular at my cafe, lives in another town, wife lives in another state
>She wants to be friends but admits attraction to me
>She tries to get me to have sex with her multiple times, I always stop her/have performance anxiety because of guilt/virginity
>Finally have sex, it's confusing, frustrating, and exhausting
>During our little affair we grow really close/intimate/affectionate
>Share everything, spend all our free time together, talk about feelings for each other
>Rarely have sex, all emotion
>She accidentally drops the word love once
>I haven't felt anything like this before or since
>Wife finds out, says we can maintain friendship, doesn't happen that way, cuts it off for us a month in
>Hardest "break-up" I've ever experienced
>Don't see her for months
>In March, her wife apparently urged her to seek me out
>They come into my cafe and we catch up
>She invites me on a work-related trip so I can see my friends in the same city
>Find out she cheated again with someone else (fifth time)
>Fucking furious for a variety of reasons
>Cancel the trip, go off on her, make up with her in the same conversation because I couldn't bring myself to say "I'm done with you"
>Go on the trip
>Get closer to her wife
>Wife is at her wit's end with her, stays with her for unknown reasons, they've talked about divorce
>Maintain friendship, everything's fine
>Recent phone conversation
>We talk about her cheating with that guy
>Explain why I was so upset
>She tells me it was different with me
>We talk about how much the affair meant to each other, talk about our insecurities
>She admits she has to "put her feelings aside for her wife"
>Asks if I still like her, don't answer
>She says "You and I wouldn't be able to be friends like this if she wasn't in the picture"
Oh god, I know it's not good for me but some strange force compels us to be in each others lives. What do?
Amendment: I hung out with her in her home town alone and helped her sort through things at work. It was pretty platonic and she even texted her wife that I was there. It goes in cycles.
>>17163216
You've already posted this and for some reason, you made it even longer
>>17163219
I posted it once, it's the same length minus the second post, which happened today, and only one person replied with "You live in a very strange world"
How do I change my thinking and mindset?
I have had a very grim and hopeless outlook on life. In short, I feel distant from other people from my lack of social contact and poor upbringing. To me, it is like I'm metaphorically on a different radio frequency than the majority of people, as the things ive accepted and the way my reality is shaped is adverse to that of others.
I imagine that I'm down a mental road and I've traveled too far, unable to turn back. As if I cannot unaccept the truths I've decided about the world. I can't change what I've experienced. I feel somewhat traumatized.
Despite my hatred of my own existence, I often find hope in just being alive, in admiration of nature and the universe. It's as if a window floats in my zenith, and every so often the sun pokes through, it's crepuscular rays providing inspiration, it's warmth providing the will to live.
I'm quite distraught between these two extremes. I feel caught in a deep well of misery in the midst of the "human experience", but gaze upon an infinite expanse of wonder and curiosity beyond reach or capability.
[spoiler] This cloud has been hanging over me the past several years. I learned that from my mother that I was conceived of rape, that my father was fearful of their marriage and so aggressively forced her to have a child that they would have to raise together. He threatened blackmail among other things. Basically he wanted something to fuck until he died, and raped her several times throughout their marriage, aggressively arguing he was entitled to sex.
I have always disliked my father. He was never able to control himself, was in a constant rage, abused and neglected me, used me to burn off emotional energy and irritation. He'd chase me around shouting and swinging, would choke me, hold me underwater, slap, throw, twist, crush, anything to put fear and hysteria into me. Otherwise he would ignore me.
I disliked my mother also, but more so pitied her. She drank and cried to me. She never wanted to discuss the feelings I had, and often brought things back to herself. When she wast drinking or crying to me, she ignored me although sometimes she would read to me which I deeply enjoyed.
My parents were either fighting or ignoring each other. The only cooperation I saw was during meals.
I grew up in a hoarder house, there were narrow paths through sliding piles of trash and paper and towering furniture and boxes. Often our utilities would be shut off. We didn't know when the next bag of groceries was going to be on the table, despite both my parents being full-time employed.
At school I was a brat, bullied and had a quicker mouth and wit than a sense of forethought. Teachers ignored criminal-like behavior aimed at me on several occasions, like being stabbed, thrown headfirst into a wall, tied to a fence during a winter storm, tossed into quick-moving rivers, having bricks thrown at me, and more. They accused me of racism and said I deserved anything I got, saying I was "out to get innocent black boys", and a liar.[/spoiler]
>>17163246
> can't into spoiler tags
kill me now
anyways I've been socially humiliated a lot in the past, lied to and led into intentionally confusing and humiliating situations. Girls especially enjoyed tormenting me and fucking with me, toying with me.
I don't really trust people at all and hate attention. I don't know what others are thinking. Do they dislike me? Do they fear me?
I'm aware my paranoid disposition gives me a different mental energy, that I give off social cues and body language and hints through speech and behavior, that estrange confuse others.
I feel so odd.
Please help
Hi there,
My partner is staying with her parents so i'm home alone for the weekend.
Days before she left, I had a in mind a lot of things to do, like read, watch movies.
Now that she left, and I don't do anything, like lack of motivation.
The only thing I had in mind and I did several times is p*rn, and 4chan
Any advice? Did it happen to you?
oh, the picture was me with my mind thinking in a lot of things, and thinking about thinking in things to do, but doing nothing, just ideas
>>17163186
Look at stuff you might be interested, listen to podcasts that you like. I recommend Tim Ferris
>>17163209
Thanks! Now I am thinking it could be a good idea to watch videos about things I like or about people doing those things, and seeing what they achieve, that could motivate me.
For the past 3 years, I've been in a rut of doing absolutely nothing everyday and lying to others as well as myself.
I'm a 28 year old recluse who wants to play music and make films. I watch all my peers grow up to do interesting things with their lives but that's not for me. I have no desire to have a gf, a house, a job. I just want to play music. I'm afraid I'm just fooling myself. I'm lying to myself.
I don't want to kill myself, never really had that desire. I just feel fucking worthless and stuck. I sit here for hours on end, just killing myself. I don't move.
I have no idea what to do with my life anymore. I know that if I explore animation and film, it's going to take me years to get decent. Beyond a decade to get good. I feel like I've slacked off in life for 28 years and it's all lost hope.
Start taking care of your body more. Eat fruits and vegetables, less processed foods and sugar and junk food.
Go calisthenics, or exercise using your body. Add stretching and yoga to that.
Go running or jogging too.
Drink more water. Get more sun.
I'm guessing that your life is stagnant and sedimentary. You need movement. It will inspire your music, and in turn inspire your mind to search for other things.
>>17163147
If you have even the least bit of experience in putting videos together, I'd try posting them on vimeo and see what others think of it. Worth looking into imo.
>>17163147
Problem: in a rut of not doing anything.
Solution: Do something.
It really is that simple. Think of something - anything - to do and pick yourself up and do it. Then do something else that seems like it might be a good idea. Then something else. Eventually a coherent path will form.
>mom gets divorced
>dates short guy who works as a cook
>"I don't want to be around someone who smokes pot"
>finds 6'3" insurance salesman
>smokes pot with him
anon women don't care about height or money it's because you're "toxic"
Of course women care about status, money, and height like men care about breast size and femininity and whatever else it is your hormones drive you to think about. What kind of a retarded woman gets with a man who can't give her good genes or help her support children ?
>>17163069
2bh, my sister (36) is dating a 67 year old man with no money, no legs, a scummy family, and is quite a sleaze himself (physically ugly and personality ugly). He even forced her to give him a blowjob after 2 years into the relationship, and she got pissy. Somehow, she's still with him because she loves him.
I'm physically sickened by the though alone that she's still with him. I tried convincing her to leave several times, but she just doesn't want to leave him.
>>17163106
sounds like she's pretty fucked in the head
Ok fags
How to get qt3.14 girlfriend if you're below average looking. I'm serious. I have no problem getting girls who are around my level of attraction. But now I want a qt.3.14. How do I do it?
Become rich.
>>17163063
Easier said than done, don't you think?
Get her drunk.
Is my texting game weak or am I read too much into this? Haven't heard back from her. Yes I do my xmas shopping early to avoid the crowds.
>>17163048
This when I didn't hear back from hear in half hour.
I have a cousin who texts like you, he's annoying as fuck.
>long messages/multiple messages at once that say a lot of different things are hard to respond to and also take time to respond to
If you were her, how would you respond to the text you just sent? Would you address every single different thing you just told her? I would just respond something like 'haha cool' because I have no idea what part of that message I'd respond to.
Just tell her you were Christmas shopping and leave it to her to ask why. If you have a lot of things you can tell her then you can use it to actually have a back and forth conversation with her.
Chances are she was busy when she read your message and didn't have time to write a meaningful response. Did you even consider that before you started pestering her about her not responding? At that point you just start sounding needy and if anybody were to say 'Hello anybody there!' to me they'd be lucky to get a response from me at all that isn't just me telling them to fuck off.
>tl;dr - keep your messages shorter, don't tell them too much and don't bug them too much if they don't respond
Also 30 minutes with no response really isn't that bad, you should've just waited little more.
>>17163048
This has to be bait or the most autistic faggot in the world.
How do I get this guy to ask me out?
>19
>totally romantically inexperienced
>work at coffee place
>not starbucks
>regular customer
>looks 25ish
>be still my heart <3
>talk a bit each day
>I'm super warm & friendly
>he is really nice too
>everyday he gives me the cutest shy smile
>interactions are limited because busy store
This has been going on for about a year. Recently I saw him at a local sushi place but I pretended I didn't see him because I didn't know if he would want to talk to me outside work.
/adv/ how do I flirt? I'm really not the flirtatious type. This guy is so kind and sometimes he comes into my work with his mum, and he is just adorable.
Ask him yourself, silly.
>tfw no cute coffee shop girl ever thinks of me this way
>>17163023
I've totally thought about this, but I guess I'm traditional?
What would I say? I don't even know where we would go!
Hey, /adv/
My dream is to be a bachelor in a big city, and just bang random chicks all the time. I'd have a decent job but it really wouldn't matter. I just love having sex with new people. I'm not an asshole or cruel or anything.
Does this make me a sociopath? Why do I feel so guilty about wanting this? Should I talk to a Therapist?
Pic maybe related
>>17162986
>does wanting sex with different people make me a sociopath
no. cave people did not have disney movies. they fucked whoever they wanted and whoever they could.
you are already aware that the majority of men like to sleep around, so i dont know why you're even pretending with this sociopath shit.
what is your real intention for this thread?
I think my intention is to analyze myself a bit. Does it make me a bad person if my highest aspiration is to have casual sex with a lot of people?
>>17162986
You're like the vast majority of 20-somethings lmao. Stop worrying dude.
It's the first time in over five years that I've attempted a suicide. Ive lost a lot of people and have gone through the grief myself, which is why I thought my wandering thoughts of suicide wouldn't ever amount to another attempt. I know that I have abandonment issues and paranoia, but part of me honestly believe that everyone I know either wants to leave me alone and doesn't because of pity, or they only care about me because of pity.
I don't talk about my desire to die because I'm worried someone I know will stop me from being able to succeed if I were able to go through with it.
Tonight, the house was quiet and my friends had allibies and I was alone. I wrote a brief letter accessable on my phone, put on my favorite dress and tried to hang myself with a thick belt wedged in my bedroom door frame.
The belt broke. I don't even know how. It's relatively new and sturdy, and I ate shit shortly before reaching unconsciousness.
I can't even kill myself whenever I have the guts to. And now that I've hit the floor (and chair I guess) I was waiting for the overwhelming feeling of "I didn't want to die" or "Maybe this is a sign". But it didn't come. All I heard was "Try harder".
I've been trying so hard to be happy. I've struggled through countless failed relationships in my family, friends and lovers. I've tried to build self esteem by continuing a career that I am good at and love doing but at the end of the day all I can think about is how to make it all end.
I looked at mental hospitals, and in my town they are all run with religious practices and some even still recommended electroshock therapy. I am too broke to afford any real help and refuse medication because of the responses I had on them before.
People will be coming home soon wondering why I am all done up and why my voice sounds weird and I can't even look them in the face and tell them why.
I just want to die. I can't even do that right.
I wish I knew what to tell you. I don't know you but I know I don't want you to die. I feel like I've failed alot with other people but for the few who stick with me, I have to keep going. It's hard when you've got a voice in the back of your head constantly repeating all of your fears and doubts. Please keep going, OP.
>>17162975
You've probably heard this whole thing about how you only have one life, blah blah. Well, there is only one life that's in your possession. If you can't figure out how to make it work and use it to make yourself happy, no need to let it go to waste. If you can't make yourself happy, there are plenty of people who need help and happiness. Make someone else happy before you go. Donate, help out, do some charity, something. Let someone else get some use out of that life you're about to snuff out because they need more than what they have.
If you're gonna go then you have nothing to lose, so why not?
>>17162975
i know how you feel. i'm going through something similar.
empathy is funny. even though i don't know you, i don't want you to kill yourself--even though i really want to die.
![160120-eyecontact-stock[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/RT7HKja.jpg "160120-eyecontact-stock[1]")
