Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 68. page
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How do I lose my humanity? I'm dead serious, I hate my normal life. I want to wake up as a tree. They seem peaceful. Tips?
> inb4 joke replies
you can't, that's now how it works
Are you fourteen or sixteen, first?
>>17354613
Why did you lie when you ticked the box?
>gf is 28 with a master's in comp sci + a job at a university that pays wells
>I'm 22 with a bs in biology and have a job that pays around 30k a year
>my gf is constantly harassing me to go back to school, despite the fact I graduated in may
>she keeps telling me to go write to some professors at universities in my area ( there's a lot) to do research for them
>keep telling her I can't work for free and I already get up at 6 am to drop her off and then go to work and don't get home until 6 pm
>in addition she tells me that her 19 year old friend does research at an ivy (mind you he doesn't have a job and is rich as fuck)
>she seems to think that's an issue
>in addition she doesn't want me going back to school for mech engineering (which I learned I loved during my senior year of university)
>and I found a program that lets me do two years undergrad and one year in grad school
>she wants me to hop right onto grad school for an MS in biology
How can I tell her to stop with this grad school shit already? I've told her plenty of times I'm not going to grad school or taking the GRE/GMAT anytime soon (by which I mean this year). She's fucking driving me up a wall.
Try something along the lines of "listen I love you and appreciate your concern for my future but I honestly have ZERO interest in doing that and I need you to respect my decision."
If my significant other ever tried to control me, what I enjoy, or my plans for the future I'd tell her to learn some fucking respect.
please tell me the program you found. I'm using my bachelors in biology to work at the post office. if my girlfriend told me to get a masters I'd set our apartment on fire
hey /adv/, time for the old "friend one or friend two" question.
my birthday is coming up on the 23rd of july. i'm going to bring some friends up to the cabin, and i can only bring 3 because my car will only hold 4 people. two of them are for sure going, but the problem is i don't know who to invite 3rd. i've narrowed it down to 2 friends.
FRIEND 1: we've been friends for about 2 years and i've wanted to bring him to the cabin for a while. however, recently he has not been a very good friend. it seems like he mooches off of me and all of my friends, and i'm not sure if he even likes hanging out with us. there is another group of friends and we call them the crusties (not sure why) and my friends don't really like them, but friend 1 has started hanging out with them a lot, even though he used to say that the crusties pissed him off, too. now it just seems like he'd rather hang out with them than with us. he was at my place the other day and he was just like "yo is it cool if i go hang out with the crusties?" and i said it was bc he wasn't really talking to me and i'm pretty sure he was just texting the crusties in their group chat most of the time he was here. also he's really loud and gets really pissed while playing vidya, especially SSBM which we're really into or anything competitive, even fucking tony hawk pro skater for N64.
FRIEND 2: i've only been friends with him for a little less than a year. he's been a much better friend recently than friend 1. he invited me up to his cabin but i haven't gone. i've been to his place a bunch of times, and he's been to mine. he's usually down to hang out and he's a lot chiller than friend 1. don't know what else to say about him.
i feel bad no matter who i invite, because i know the other will feel bad that he didn't get to go. advice is appreciated
You can't please everyone, OP. Friend numero dos for sure he sounds like a friend that will last, and as do memories, so choose wisely.
Well you gave a super long rant about #1 and the only "negative" thing you had to say about #2 was that you haven't been friends as long. It sounds like you should invite #2
>>17354540
not gonna bother reading their descriptions cuz it doesn't matter.
first and foremost, happy birthday. my birthday is july 24th but im celebrating the 23rd as well. not with a cabin in the woods, but yeah.
deep down you know who you want to bring, so just bring that person. he might not be able to go and you can invite the other without guilty anyway. but invite the person you want, nto the person that logic or culture dictates should go.
who do you want?
and if that doesnt ring true, then do the following
stand up, take three deep breaths. ask yourself out loud 'do i want (friend1) to come to the cabin instead of (friend2) ?'
if your body leans forward YES, you want friend 1. if your body leans back NO you want friend 2.
>Someone hit the scanner for the gate key at our apartment over the 4th of July weekend
>Just came home for work with a note on my door saying "Consider this a $2643 warning"
>Saw the same note on other apartment doors
Is this a bill for damages to the gate that I didn't do? Did my landlord came up with the bright idea of assuming that being a tenant is a valid enough reason to blame us for the damages.
Is that all the note said?
>>17354548
There was a lot of bitching about the tenants' guests, which I don't have any and letting people into the gate at 2:31 am (one gate uses a card scanner while the other the person dials a code that calls your cellphone number and you dial 9 to open the gate).
Keep the note, but I assume he is just being a dick. Maybe he plans to add $2643 dollars to everyones rent for a month? Regardless, he can't legally make all of you pay for it unless that's part of your lease/rental agreement, which would be odd.
Hey guys, lately I feel like I can't shut off the voice in my head and enjoy things, specifically my girlfriend. Her and I aren't close enough to visit each day, so the majority of our interactions are through phone. We recently started dating, and since we started its been hard for me to stop worrying about what impression I'm leaving on her. She tells me very often and with such genuinity how much she enjoys all of me and loves me; I'm convinced she has no walls built around herself towards me. I've said the same thing to her and I meant it too. But what feels like 45 minutes later I'm back to overthinking everything and forgetting to enjoy her and life. We've succeeded in having sex after me failing to get it up a few times due to the same nervousness. She's not aware of my issue as of yet because I feel like its a hurdle in my head that shouldn't be there. Before we were dating I still loved her and she still loved me and our interactions were more fluid. But now when I think about her sometimes its fluid sometimes I'm overthinking and nervous and I hate it I just want to love her all the time and I keep stopping myself because of my insecurities that I feel so aware of but they still effect me. I feel like if I can't find a way to enjoy this girl without barriers now that she's close to me, I'm missing out on real love.
I wouldn't say I'm an unconfident person, most people find me to extremely likeable. But for some reason I can't trust that she'd be ok with all of me and I stop myself from breaking down my walls.
Can anyone give me some advice to this situation? In this moment I'm upset, but 5 hours ago I looked at a picture of her and wanted to pick her up and kiss her.
>>17354483
What exactly are you overthinking ? Your own issues or things with her?
>>17354501
I guess it's both. I start to overthink things with her, and I catch myself doing it so I tell myself to stop doing it. When that happens it feels like my brain just stops.
Well...
I believe a man shouldn't have a woman in the center of his life. I don't mean we shouldn't love her, yes, we should and it's fucking awesome for both sides in many ways, but when we are talking about priorities, woman shouldn't be number one.
And I believe they don't want you to put them on number one. If you do so, you'll stop following your life and dream, stop growing, sacrificing it to be with her.
Bottom line, puting her first makes you and her sad and less atracted to each other or life. Therefore, you should stop forcing yourself to "love her all the time" and give yourself some love. That's one way you can love her more and fully.
Is it considered okay for a boyfriend to talk about the women he finds hot? Am I supposed/its normal to get uncomfortable with that or am I just being too anal?
I would be uncomfortable with a girl who's uncomfortable with not being the only hot girl in existence.
>>17354489
I'm completely aware of that, but wouldn't it be respectful to not say certain things to your girlfriend?
You chose your partner for a reason. I do understand that "look at the menu, but don't buy" thought process.. But there's no reason to be talking to someone you consider a partner about this unless your gf is a closet dyke. Are you TRYING to make her jealous? This is manipulation.
Be respectful, save it for the dudebros. It just makes you look thirsty anyways.
Welp this is the second time in a week that I had constipation, what do?
Are you drinking enough water? Getting enough fiber (so certain fruits/vegetables/beans/oats/other good sources of fiber) in your diet? If yes to both of these, you should probably talk to your doctor.
>>17354469
try doing a few bodyweight squats per day or walking for 5-10 minutes.
>>17354750
pretty much anything on that list that looks easy and involves glutes or abdominal muscles. Sit-ups, crunches, leg raises, squats,
>Does mental retardation get better?
I did a lot of drugs and it fucked up my brain. I'm not sure how, if it was from oxygen deprivation or the drugs themselves, but I'm not the same. I've been sober from drugs for over 6 months, but the "cognitive improvements" are slow. Some days I'm pretty lucid, playing with 75% of a deck so to speak, but those days are sprinkled in between weeks of retardation.
I feel like my mind is slipping, as if my mental condition is getting worse and worse, and reality is creeping further and further away. My intuition says that things may get worse, much worse. But, it's already so bad that I don't even recognize who I am anymore. People talk about how they feel the same as they did when they were a kid, like they kept that core person intact, and I simply don't. At all.
Anyway, does anybody have any experience with recovering from brain injuries? I think my damage is probably physical, since my cognition is what's mostly been fucked. Is there hope that I'll get better?
>>17354450
was diagnosed with a 'mild' form of brain damage earlier this year, MdDS. no idea how i got it. docs claimed i could have just stressed myself hard enough to make it happen. total bullshit.
even now that I've mostly recovered i still have issues. namely my shitty memory and poor coordination.
ive definitely come back... 'different' and i kinda get you. i definitely feel like a different person than the guy who had this body in january. but i am who i am and theres no reason i need to be that guy.
as for your recovery. only your docs know, not us.
>>17354464
I'm just feeling really blue about it man. I just wish I could concentrate on what I was doing instead of worrying about people thinking I'm retarded. Even when I'm not around people, I'm often ruminating about whatever stupid thing I did or said earlier.
I just want to be intelligent enough so I can socially cohere, or at least learn how not to be a total leper. I'm not asking to be an astronaut, I just want to live and function normally like everyone else.
It's so depressing man.
>>17354713
i feel ya. but hteres certainly a learning lesson in here, wouldn't you say? not to rub it in just... now you know better.
even now that im recovered i still get it. i am able to run my business but theres still aspects of my intelligence that seem... affected. if i bring it up casually to someone, especially potential romantic partners, they quickly lose interest.
lost a lot of friends over the whole ordeal.
There's a girl at my college who I have a crush on. We're friendly acquaintances and haven't spent a lot of time together outside of hanging out at one party. My college is getting close to breaking up for summer and I want to put my foot in the door and get a way to speak to/see her over the break.
Should I just be straightforward and ask her for her number?
>>17354442
Ehhh. If summertime is approaching and she's going back home for three months, now wouldn't be the optimal time. What do you think is gonna happen? You'll make such a big impression that she'll spend the whole summer texting you?
Better to wait until the new school year, or just forget it.
This is a sixth form college in England, we're all local.
>>17354460
Oh, well, in that case just ask for her number and hope you're able to act charming on instinct.
![i-draw-what-its-like-to-be-in-a-long-distance-relationship-8__880[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/SQWaP5U.jpg "i-draw-what-its-like-to-be-in-a-long-distance-relationship-8 880[1]")
I'm in an ldr with someone a state away. I am a server, and have very little in savings. She keeps saying it makes more sense to move up to her and then find a better job. Would it be better to find a job near me and save up for a few years, then try to transfer/find another job, or to just move up to her and struggle with rent for a while while I look for new jobs?
>>17354404
Is she not paying her own rent? Or would you not be living together? I'm confused.
>>17354410
Yeah living together. Right now we both live with our parents. She has a cushy government job, great benefits, etc. and could easily afford rent. I, on the other hand, would have to struggle at the level I'm at now.
Shitty job and living with your parents vs Shitty job and living with your girlfriend.
You know what you have to do.
How do I make friends online? How do I get into a skype group or a community of like minded people?
That sort of thing used to happen so naturally when I was younger. Now I find myself struggling to even find a place online to call home.
>>17354402
what are your interest?
>>17354420
Horror novels, writing, mental illness and physical deformity, David Lynch, dreams, the Souls series of video games, music, isolation, being displeased with myself and people in general.
>>17354429
lmao
I don't know why I even try. I'm friendless myself.
I'd rather advice to learn how to be comfortable by your own.
Pic Unrelated
I met this girl in 2014. We immediately clicked. She was amazing. Beautiful, smart and was so easy to talk to. We became best friends. We said I love you to each other a lot , even when she was dating other dudes. I found out a lot about her. She's cheated, but at least on retards who give her constant shit so I didn't really pay much attention to it.
Soon Summer 2015 happens. She breaks up with shitty boyfriend, I comfort her. We get intimate. We soon, like a week or 2 after last bf start sexting. Kinda date, more sexual than anything but we still act cute and lovey dovey.
Call her my love. She doesn't see it as official dating. She breaks it off and gives me every reason under the sun. Says we never dated. Still wants to sext afterwards I get sad, she tells me we didn't break up because we didn't date so I should just get over it. Leave her for a bit so I can get myself together
Find out shes dating one of my friends 2 weeks later
Vent to friends, they tell me I got screwed over.
I sorta agree , they shit talk.
Soon our entire friends circle knows. She loses people, Says I fucked her over.
I beg for her friendship back.
She finally agrees to let me back in.
Then Endless cycle of her manipulating me and making me feel like shit.
Being passive agressive and yelling at me constantly.
I take it because her life isn't easy and I loved her.
We go off and on for months, I try to get over her while shes dating and sexting other dudes.
Spend 6 months getting over her. She seems to care less and less while I'm still sad and wanting her so badly. Blame myself instead of her, Think I bother too much and want too much attention. Soon she gets tired of how needy I was. Leaves, says shes tired of me apologizing and fucking her over. Will continue in a bit.
Another month of moping. Then I find out just how many people she sexted whilst dating me,cheated on all my friends and left them all.
Realize I loved a whore. Realized I wasted almost 2 years of my life on someone who only wanted me for quick sex.
I get angry and call her out. Make sure everyone knows shes a thot. She always denied that. And when I'd ask about it she'd get angry and tell me to fuck off.
But I call her out and she denies it. Loses more friends. Loses almost everyone. Still tells people I'm only salty because She wouldn't date me which is a load of horse shit. People say I'm the piece of shit and sometimes I feel like I am. But she was a total piece of shit.
Who's in the wrong though?
You know, this isn't a story but, when my ex told me she was bi it fucked things up. It made things weird and made me doubt her so much. Ahe had a friend thst she'd hang out with and they'd always play around, but up until that point it didn't bother me.
If you're bi just be open about it.
Your fault for falling for her trucks, but her fault for being a conniving whore in the first place.
GF of 5 years mother has been diagnosed with cancer. Survival rate less than 3% Her mother is young. I am usually pretty good with emotional/moral support etc but feel really out of my depth here.
Anyone been through a similar situation have any advice for me? Want to do all I can to help, but pretty worried about saying the wrong thing..
This is a really shit situation, I feel sorry for you guys
If you've been together for 5 years, I don't think you'd be in risk of saying the wrong thing. Just tell her you're there for her, and for her to feel free to talk to you anytime. Otherwise, don't bring it up.
It'll be tough, but you'll grow stronger together. Good luck
>>17354357
just be able/available to listen to her, don't say anything to comfort/console her unless she explicitly asks for it. she might become distant, let her have space if she needs, and take any hurtful/rude comments to heart
>>17354368
Thanks. Seems to be along the lines of the advice Ive found online. Just tricky to know the times she needs space vs when I need to be there. She's quite emotional at the best of times, and when she's emotional she can be prone to poking for arguments to blow off steam. There'll be a bit of eggshell walking/punchbag simulation coming up I think. Obviously nothing compared to what she's going through with such an ill mother but just something I thought of when trying to gauge the situation in general.
I guess plenty of people have gone through similar situations, just never really expect it to happen to you/someone that close to you. I'm quite close to her family and am pretty scared about what it might mean for everyone.
lets start by saying im slightly overweight. like 190lbs 6'1. but im currently on a diet and its going slow and steady.
i noticed that some days, especially when its hot outside. i barely have enough energy to do some activities.
for example if i workout, eat, and do bunch of other stuff my energy is almost depleted and i must sleep/rest.
this is not the same issue in the winter, but similar.
Drink more water. Get one of those liter bottles at a convenience store, fill it up before you go to work and drink the whole thing before your shift ends.
>>17354355
You're probably not eating enough food and you're not getting enough water. Whats your BMR, what kind of exercise are you engaging in, whats your actual daily caloric intake, and what do your macros look like?
>>17354372
i suspect that's the issue. i usually sweat more than usual and its constantly moist here
>>17354398
i don't have all the stats to update you on this. but generally i exercise 10 mins a day and eat about 2.5k calories
23 year old virgin here, might be losing it soon to a girl who is crazy about me.
Any tips/advice?
Going to some drinks where she'll be there and I will be able to make my move.
I'll make sure no spaghetti escapes along with conventional protection of course.
>>17354350
>girl who is crazy about me
I wish I knew this feel
Don't drink too much. Whisky dick is real.
Sex isn't that hard. Just make sure you know where the clitoris is.
Eat her out. To orgasm, if you can, because it lowers her threshold for orgasming on your dick by a lot. If you can't bring her to orgasm with your tongue (sometimes mood / pressure of the first time with a new person gets to them), it will at least make her hornier and more likely to orgasm when you put it in her.
Watch some videos that explain how best to do it. Remember that rhythm is more important than pressure - if she starts breathing fast, it doesn't mean don't go faster or harder, it means that what you're doing is working. Gently play with her nipples or finger her too while you're at it, whatever she prefers.
If you do it right, you won't even need to last that long. A lot of guys don't like doing it and just go for a hard pounding. If you eat her out well and act as though you enjoy it, she will want to marry you, because that shit makes you a keeper.
Most of all, have fun. Your first time with a new person and your first time period is something that people put a lot of pressure on. That pressure can get in your head and make the experience less than what it should be.
>>17354350
If you death grip your dick when you jerk off stop that shit right now or you are never going to be able to cum and it'll be embarrassing as fuck.
