Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 66. page
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I had to rewrite this because my phone crashed ;_;
I'm 20, and have been at this job for five months. The pay is good, I like it and want to use it to grow within the company.
I dated a coworker. We were the same age and have similar personalities, so we got on pretty well. But things just didn't work out. I was looking for something more serious and now I'm a bit heartbroken.
Working with him is not bad though. I try to not let it bother me. Anyway, I told one person and then word got around and this one girl (overweight, insecure, etc) took it and ran. She constantly says things out loud like how flirty he is, and how pretty his new girlfriend is (pretty sure she's making that up) but she knows it hurts me. She told another coworker (27 yrs) that I was checking out a guy she likes but doesn't like her back (and who, by the way, is my age lol). She believed it and now says out loud that I'm a cake face, whore, white bitch, etc. I am literally not interested in any relationships right now, I'm still reeling over this one.
I feel pretty fucking depressed as it is, and they're just getting pleasure out of kicking me when I'm down.
I'm no model, but they're just being jealous cunts and blaming me for their own physical insecurities. I'm also pretty sure they're getting their friends from outside of work to prank call me.
I brought this up to my boss and she changed the schedule so that I will work with them less, but I still will see them and share days with them due to us being understaffed.
Just tell me what to do. I can't deal with them anymore but I really like this job.
bump?
My dubious advice is to disengage and reflect on some insights of stoicism:
You can't control what other people do.
You can't control how other people feel.
You can't control how you feel.
You can only control what you do, so focus on that.
Then again, I'm a friendless robot, so this advice might be extra dubious.
>>17355169
I'm going through a similar thing but I've handled it. Not sure if my way would work for you.
But I'm down to be your internet buddy OP if you want to vent and talk about shit
I'm worried about our future together. I'm 23, she's 22, been going out for 2 years now. The relationship is really plain. I dated once before and she was adventurous, would cook for me, just did sexy things for the heck of it. My gf doesn't do much of that, she likes to clean but can't cook or bake, has no hobbies, will only do stuff if it's preplanned by me. She's gained 20 pounds, in her defense she started birth control early this year. Personally I am aspiring to live a conformable middle class life at least. I just got a my first career like job, just bought a condo. But my gf works too far to move in. She's dropping her $17/hr job to work for a $12/hr job that she says is a must to move in with me. A friend of mine offered her a better paying job that's close and she didn't do it because "it's awkward"
TL;DR: worried my life is going to be simply dull and boring, gf doesn't seem to want to change that but we are living together soon.
>>17355110
if your priority is having an exciting life
then you have to work on changing her or leaving her
you can change people
but not forcibly
being honest about your desires and beliefs is a good way to start
if she doesn't budge and your priority is still excitement over whatever she offers you
then you know what to do for yourself
>>17355124
I agree to that. I'm hoping the living together will make things better but I'm worried if it doesn't.
>>17355142
you should be upfront with her about your concerns before you move if you want to help your worrying
it's a good step in your relationship to be honest anyway
Who's a Youtuber that's consistently funny? I need to laugh really hard; but it takes quite a bit to make me laugh. I've only come across a few videos this year that have actually made me laugh. Recommend the funniest Youtube channels you know.
>>17355106
>Youtuber
>consistently funny
You're better off watching professional comedy specials if you need professional laughs. Search for "Comedy Central Presents".
no one is really consistently funny
but i find a lot of cr1tikal's and khonjin's videos entertaining
you may want to look for more conventional and established media if you want consistency rather than authenticity
I was unemployed for about 4 to 5 months so I sent out mass resumes and I received a job offer from a certain federal agency. However, it wasn't exactly what I wanted to do. I decided to accept it because I didn't want to be unemployed anymore and was excited at a chance to start working.
Unfortunately, soon after I started working, I got another offer from a company that is much closer to my field of experience, work, and interest. This company is superior in every way compared to the current company I work for.
I really want to quit my current agency and join the new one but I am afraid that I will piss off the current agency that I work for. They put a lot of time and training into me, not to mention that this agency was very nice and did everything in their power hire me just because they wanted to help me out. The bosses and coworkers here are very nice and enthusiastic about me joining. They also need me desperatley to help around, so if I leave they might be overwhelmed
I was just wondering what you guys would do in this situation? I am so confused and stressed out right now. Any recommendations, tips, or similar stories that you have?
my boss says never to factor them in your decision. you do you.
Sometimes, shit happens. If your boss isn't a complete asshat, they'll understand. Go get that job.
>>17355082
You do what's best for yourself.
It's what everyone else would do/should do
K basically be me.
Be in her group.
Be a socially retarded autist. Say nothing to her in hall way and class, but talk to her every now and then during lab.
I noticed when ever she opens her bag, she looks back towards me and then instantly looks back down at her bag.
In lab when she looks at professor, she looks at my face then looks down. Looks at her friend, then looks at my face and down.
She is glimpsing at me alot, they are quick and odd. I want to know if she is interested in me, or is she creeped out / scared and checking to see what I am doing / if i am staring at her. I dont look at her at all, been watching her with corner of eye.
Regarding her personality: she speaks in a very low tone like she is whispering, so she seems in that regard, but besides that she seems ok.
What do u guys think?
>>17355025
Do you think she looks good naked?
She just thinks you're creepy.
>>17355068
This. You're probably staring at her when you think she's staring at you.
Been there, OP. We all want to believe that people are sneaking glances at us. Usually they're just looking in our general direction, or you think you see something out the corner of your eye that isn't what it seems.
Prior to me dating my very recent ex, she had a one night stand with a close friend of mine. It was a long time ago, and we dated for a long time, while we still hung out with the guy she slept with.
I did trust the guy, he was a close friend before we knew her, and i trusted her too, but we broke up recently and ive been developed the feeling that something may have been going on between them and might still be.
I dont really have any proof though. Am i being paranoid? Is their a way to find out for sure? I need to know if i can trust my friend
>>17355007
your intuition, for whatever reason prompting it, can shed light on who you are
you can't know what you are besides unsure unless you inquire about it
and that knowledge is important to have about yourself--so i would be upfront and honest with either your friend or your ex about your concerns
it is natural to have concerns like these, so do not be guilted into feeling strange or wrong for having them
just be honest with yourself and them about what you want to know
so you can learn better about yourself and grow as a person
What the fuck do you want us to say? Maybe she still fucks him, maybe she fucks someone else. You gave next to no context (no a "feeling" doesn't count), how can we know?
Anyway if she's your ex, why would you care anyway? It's done, let the bitch go, find another one, get dumped again and repeat. Life goes on.
>>17355137
I dont care about her, but obviously i would find it difficult to be friends with someone if they were fucking my girl behind my back.
>>17355132
Im afraid he'll just shy away from the question or lie about it and start to cover his tracks. I know there isn't many better solutions than this though.
hey /adv/ tell me what you think. I'm gonna b upfront and say that i contemplate suicide. for a while, the idea of suicide has sat in the back of my mind, only showing up when i feel depressed (i used to go to therapy but stopped because i felt like i didnt need it anymore). Everyone says suicide is never an option, i disagree. Some people never see the light. I myself tried to be happy, for a while i thought that i was, but again, suicide and depression always linger. Is suicide an option? I feel like an asshole all the time. i'll try to talk to my parents about how i feel and theyll say something like "walk it off". ok. I have a lot of shit going for me, im a great musician with a great circle of friends and an amazing gf. but i cant ever tell them how i feel. For the fear theyll tell someone and ill wind up in a nuthouse. Is it bad i think about suicide more than i should? Im sorry if none of this makes sense i'm just venting and talking about how i currently feel. I think about everyone id be leaving behind and it hurts my heart. I would never forgive myself but sometimes i think it's for my own good and for everyone elses if i left for good. I don't feel loved. Parts of me know countless amounts of people have it incredibly worse, I mean for gods sake im typing this off myowncomputer. I'm fortunate for what i have and i know itd be selfish if i died. But i'm mentally suffering and im probably just a selfish teenage pussy, but i think about suicide to a point where it makes me think i'm not just being a teenager (i'm almost 18). I don't know what to do. I'm just never happy. therapy helped but i'm sure i was just lying to myself the whole time. Just thinking about my funeral and who i'd be leaving behind makes me wanna cry. i love everyone but i just don't feel loved back. Am i selfish? I don't know. I've lost a lot of friends to suicide (2 in the past yr) and sometimes i look at their pictures and wonder if theyre happier now. Would i be happy if i joined them?
>>17355002
I can't really say whether or not you'll be happier. I do think that you should try therapy first though. Sounds like you're just depressed unless you're unable to care for yourself you don't have anything to worry about.
Hey. I'm going through something similar, and I've lost someone to suicide too. I didn't even know how he was feeling until he died. With that, I'd say you should tell someone. Even just one person that you really, really trust. Just tell someone you need to get something off your chest, clarify that you don't have any plans to kill yourself in the immediate future (since you're worried about them calling a nuthouse), and then vent. Tell them how you feel. Why? You said that you don't feel loved, so maybe this will give them a chance to show you how much they actually love you.
I've yet to do this as well, so I know it's easier said than done. But once you get through that, it'll probably make things less painful if you aren't carrying the weight of these feelings by yourself.
Oh, and I just had a thought. Sometimes I worry if it would be a burden on others if I did tell them I was suicidal - it's not. I wish I knew what my classmate was going through before he killed himself. I would have wanted to be there for him.
Sorry, I'm kind of rambling. I do hope things get better for you though, OP. Actually, I know it's not my place to say, but I think things will get better. You just have to really reach out and try to ask someone for help, don't go through this alone. I really regret not getting therapy while I was in high school.
Please hang on a little longer OP - try to make changes with how your dealing with this before commuting suicide. Give yourself another chance at life.
the problem with seeking happiness is that moods are impermanent and even a great high eventually settles down again and then you're left with something to compare your ordinary mind with unfavorably.
life is not pure nonstop 24/7 bliss for anyone on earth.
suicide is only a solve-everything solution if you believe in the premise of materialism that the mind is just a function of the brain which dies at death. and even if that's true, why not just live out your natural lifespan before the inevitable annihilation? why rush it? on the other hand, if materialism is not true, suicide can be seen as very risky. not only does it leave a negative impact in the world and in your family but it effects your destination, where you end up after this body dies. can you take the risk? i assume that you assume suicide=death=annihilation and is therefore a solve-all to your problems, but try thinking from a different perspective. what if suicide would actually set you back and you'd have to go through all the same types of horrible experiences all over again because you let them get to you this time?
I moved across country to live with some family a few months ago, still havent found work.
Savings I had have all but dried up, Im behind 1 payment on each of my credit cards, my unemployment from out of state got denied, and I generally feel like a leech upon my family members that let me move in.
What does one do in such a situation? Im desperately looking for work wherever I can but nothing is happening. Can I call my credit card companies and try to get some kind of leeway here?
Fuck
>>17354995
Did you leave your job without having at least prospects for a new one, while moving across the country, while facing down credit card debt?
Dude, why? Were things so bad back where you were?
On a more constructive note, start selling blood plasma twice a week. It's meager money, which is better than no money. Keep looking for a job. How many applications did you submit last week? Be honest with yourself and us.
There are airports, malls, schools, shelters, etc that need employment.
Why did you move without having a job lined up? Why did you move at all? Why can't you get a job?
I've put it off long enough and finally going back to school , I just need to take the assessment test and hopefully go to classss in fall. It's been years since I've done anything school related and was wondering if to just go for it or actually take a couple weeks and study up for it and prolonging it? Any tips btw?
>>17354959
I went back to school when I was in my 20s.
Do some studying first. It's good for reminding you of the basics and for also getting you back into the feeling of being a student.
It really depends on what your'e applying to.
Also, don't worry about feeling old.
>>17354969
I'm 25.... Kinda latish. Applying for undeclared lol , just want to give school a try , and hopefully find a career I enjoy along the road.
>>17354985
Try to plan for something.
I went in like you and graduated with something mostly useless.
Had a grand ol time, but I should have been more on point from the beginning.
If you're not the academic type who loves essays and reading and tests, I'd probably go to a trade school instead.
Learn plumbing or electrical work.
Far better pay and job opportunities than anything you can get at a university.
Unless you got into business shit.
Exploring sexuality
Pretty sure I'm enough of a faggot to want a dick in my ass. Don't really want a relationship with a dude just want to test the waters at the moment
How do I find people who can help me with this?
Tl:dr
How do I get faggots to mess around with me
>>17354936
play with your own ass first to see. even if you like it doesnt mean you like someone else doing it.
Im gay and can shove so much up my ass and love it, but as soon as someone else sticks a finger in im in intense pain.
but if you want to experiment, by all means just download grindr. OR, add males you available partners on your tinder. OR go to a gay bar. Or go on craigslist. dont recommend that last one much. grindr is where its at.
>>17354940
I've played with my own ass. I enjoy it
Eurofag in small city though so no chance on the gay bar or Craigslist thing
I haven't tried out tinder or grindr but if that's my best bet I will
Thanks anon
>>17354945
no problemo.
What can I do if a relationship is just not "fun" anymore?
I hate that I sound so vapid, but there's no other way to put it. Things go well for the most part, I just feel the same apart from her as I do with her; no better no worse. Is this normal, just a symptom of the "honeymoon phase" being over, or am I just over her?
>>17354934
honeymoon phase is over.
however that doesn't mean its definitely 'over' or definitely not 'over.
the honeymoon phase brings a lot of people together, then a lot of people stay out of habit. others stay out of genuine love.
you dont need REAL feelings to have a honeymoon phase. for a lot of people getting to know the other person ends the honeymoon phase because they realize they arent what htey had hoped. their projections and fantasies were wrong.
but either way, it sounds to me like you arent into her anymore.
>>17354944
She said to me that she never thought we really had a honeymoon phase, whatever that means.
>>17354960
ask her and find out
I can get him to agree to hang out in the future?
"Yo anon you free right now?"
>2 hours later
"Nah hanging with some of my friends"
What do
>>17354930
Insufficient information.
>>17354930
Show an interest in something he is interested in, learn ALL about it. If you are a woman or he's gay, combine that with being..sexual but not overly flirty, you have to keep control, you are the fisher, he's the fish. That's what lads like, being convinced they are making a conquest, when really the other person is allowing it to happen. If you are a fella and he's not gay, I don't know.
>>17355042
>>17354970
He's a guy I know at the gym, we seem to be somewhere between acquaintances and friends, trying to get him to agree to do shit like hang out
Literally 0% gay, I actually am trying to build up a social life from basically scratch
Can't tell if his message is his way of brushing me off or if he is just being honest
Whenever I eat or see someone eating I feel really fucking depressed and sad about it. It's moreso when I see fat people eat or when I'm eating in public. I just feel like I'm gonna break down whenever I do it, though I've never actually went and broke down.
Does anyone else get this? Any idea what it could be or do I need to see someone about this, or is it normal?
Is anyone you care about fat?
>>17354929
are you fat, or have you been fat?
any kind of eating disorder behavior when you were younger/do you have any habits now?
>>17354929
That's weird, you should talk to a therapist about. I can easily see that being a problem in the future. You're obviously linking eating with something bad, but only you can find out what that is.
Is life supposed to be this boring after college? I graduated and just started working two months ago, and the routine just feels so... Unfulfilling.
Go to work. Type shit all day and smile at bosses. Drive 20 minutes. Hit the gym. Go home, make dinner and read a book. Weekend is here. Go to a local show or get drunk. Bang random sloots/go on dates whenever possible and convenient.
The fuck is this shit? College was to be something exciting, 4 years built towards a purposeful goal: graduation. High school? Same shit.
What am I doing wrong?
>>17354923
yes and no. most people expect life to settle down after college, but for a lot of people its not the case. the difference is that the fun takes a certain level of effort.
in college you are LIVING with thousands of others people who have nothing to do beyond school. you are forced to interact. its natural that a lot of fun things pop up and happen.
in real life, you work with people, so thats a start, but you are not required to see each other after work. considering you are working it doesnt leave much time to really bond.
PLUS a lot of those people are from much different home lives. some are married. some are way older. etc. in college you meet people with similar interests via majors and classes and such.
plus at work you will generally meet a LOT fewer people, and you will generally not get that much 'fresh meat'.
you are in a time in your life where you actually have the resources to do even more, but you have to actually put effort into doing it, especially with friends.
>>17354957
>you have the resources to do more
Like?
>>17355030
namely money and time. Now that may be universal, but considering you went to college, you should be able to afford goign out.
i know in college the only thing i could afford to do was eat at dennys once a week, and that was generally just the 4 dollar menu cuz unlimited pancakes.
but assuming you make reasonable wage, you can actually go out and do stuff.
you also have more time. in college i had very little time. school all day, then home work all day and night and even on the weekends. you found the time to have fun, but it was packed as fuck. god forbid you have extra curriculars or a job cuz that would jsut atke it all up.
but as an adult you work your eight hours a day, then go home, and you dont have to worry about homework on the weekends.
tbqh i find adult life easier than highschool even, so much fucking homework.
I am convinced I am living in some sort of bizzaro fucking nightmare.
I have been running experiments on okcupid. Not using fake pictures. I message a INCREDIBLY average woman. I know she is average because I can see her attractiveness score and I can see when her account was made.
She had a FULL inbox. Her account was created about 2 weeks ago. I then messaged a obese woman and got a response within 10 minutes. 10 FUCKING MINUTES.
I repeated this for over 200 women on okcupid. Guess how many average women responded? 20.
TWENTY
Guess how many below average women responded? 75.
Of the rest of the total, they were no response or full inbox.
What the fuck is this nightmare man? Why the fuck are average women so full of themselves? Is their ego so through the fucking roof that they don't even realize they are just one step above dog shit?
These women think their cunts are made of solid gold. This is why I don't like ego boosts. It makes people think they are worth more than they are. FUCK THAT.
What is this fucking nightmare?
>>17354922
So you're mad because average girls aren't desparete to jump on your dick. They are the "average" women, what did you expect?
>>17354922
I've never seen anyone play the field and come away happy.
Like, if your goal in life is to have a relationship, you're only going to attract other people who's only goal in life is to have a relationship. Then you'll just be living this weird farce together while constantly posting on social media about how you have a relationship.
You're either lucky enough to accidentally meet someone who you have chemistry with, or you settle for being alone for a while. You can't force romance where there isn't any.
>>17354922
I could be as much of a pig as you are and say that of course the below averages replied because they probably don't get many messages, but I think the problem is you're a cunt labelling women based on their looks and you'd be lucky to even get a fucking reply comment on 4chan (I guess you're lucky today).
![y[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/wpHCyup.jpg "y[1]")
