Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 60. page
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ITT: We give each other advice/lessons about things we learned and regretted in our loves
[spoiler]OC encouraged[/spoiler]
>avoid wasting money on objects and try to spend it more on experiences. You don't really need a new iphone, go skydiving or travel instead. Even if the experience is not as good as you thought, deep down you won't regret trying it and you'll have a story to tell
>get out of your comfort-zone every change you get. My biggest regrets are not doing things because I thought I was going to be slightly uncomfortable. Now I say yes to any new experience I can get. It's only hard saying yes the first time, I promise
>don't be too hard on yourself. we all have screwed up something big time with such a stupid little thing, but shit happens to everybody. learn your lesson and next time you won't do the same thing. there are people that lose everything and have to build their lives from scratch. the only mistake too big to recover from is death
>make friends, go drink and party with them, stop thinking you're too good too hang with people. you'll lose precious social skills that you could learn when you're young that are much harder to pick up when you're older. you don't need to get drunk every time and you can be a good student and still go drinking with your friends from time to time. you'll regret it if you don't
>stop isolating yourself because you think people don't like you. there are hundreds of people around you that would enjoy your company no matter how weird you think you are
>stop focusing on the things you can't change about yourself, it's a waste of time and won't help you in any way. you can't change your height, your dick size or your face, but you can take care of your body, eat healthy, go to the gym, take care of your skin and hair etc. focus on those things instead and fix them if you're not happy with them
please feel free to contribute
one thing i would say is engage in your own personal art. write, draw, play. whatever it is. you'll learn more about yourself then doing anything else. not to throw shade at any other paths to self realization.
How come any time I post in a thread it dies?
>>17356307
have you tried turning it off and on again?
>>17356307
I don't know. What sorts of things have you posted?
>>17356307
It used to be like this for me too.
A lot of times it's just because OP is a faggot.
How do I fully regain my confidence after fucking up college the first time I tried it?
You gotta try to not let failure keep you down. Just throw yourself back in and tell yourself you won't make the same mistakes again, and make sure you actually don't fug up like before. I remember when I absolutely bombed my first semester, the only class I passed was a lab and it was with just barely a C, had failed everything else. I felt like dieing. The following semester I just tried harder and I ended up passing everything just fine. You can come back from it my dude.
More background info would help.
>did you drink too much
>were you depressed
>did you flunk out of a major
I guess general advice would be dont overwhelm yourself. Take 12 credits to make sure you can handle it. Remind yourself of why you're doing this. And use your failures as knowledge. Stuff like oh yeah I failed last time because I waited last minute to study kind of stuff.
Also, dont compare yourself to others. You'll always come up short. Dont look around and see younger people in your class and think "damn i shouldve graduated by now".
Best of luck m8
>>17356304
I guess you could call me depressed, though I don't think I have the clinical disorder since I've achieved a much higher level of baseline functioning since then (in spite of having a family history of it).
I did above average in high school (probably because I had clear long term career goals), but when I got to college it all kinda fell apart.
Towards the end of high school I started to let people talk me out of having/reaching for my dreams. They told me "trying to become a physicist is just unrealistic, just go into programming and use money as your sole motivator in life."
I made all kinds of stupid decisions. I became increasingly emotionally invested in the wrong things (this girl from back home who didn't give a rat's ass about me, politics, etc.) I had a crappy roommate who would enable this kind of behavior too.
In my first semester I failed two classes: Calc II and English Composition (supposed to be an easy A). The only one I passed was the first semester of Calc Based Physics, which was supposed to be the hardest class I was in. I got As on the tests but bombed the homework because I was too depressed to care.
I did slightly better in my second semester, but failed Calc II again and got a D in Music Appreciation (again, a supposed easy A).
I didn't really make any close friends in my first year.
I went home that summer and thought over things. I realized I needed a long term goal, and continuing on my path as a physics major still seemed right, but I added that I wanted to do a PhD in my school's Atmospheric Science department, so I registered for a course in that.
My fall grades were much better. I even got into a paid research position in the Atmo department. However, the only close friend I made turned out to be the worst mistake I'd ever made.
I'll continue in another comment.
I feel all fucked up. I'm on a solo vacation in the Caribbean, and anxiety is screwing me over. I haven't felt like doing anything, and I'm having a hard time eating. My stomach just feels all flustered. I feel hungry, but as soon as I start eating, I get the sensation of being full and it seems like my throat doesn't want to cooperate and swallow the food.
I really need advice.. The point of this vacation was to get away and just RELAX. but even sitting here, right on the beach at this moment (pic related) I don't feel relaxed. I feel nervous and anxious.
Help!
Plantains up the bottom over
And
Over
And over
Hard
It will sooth your soul
>>17356282
no..
I'm looking for real advice anon, I feel awful. :(
>>17356278
What're you nervous about, what'd you take this vacation to get away from?
I'm about to be on vacation myself, and know I'm going to be freaking out the whole time because I worry about my business and not being there to handle whatever could possibly go wrong with me not being there for an entire week.
>work for 6 hours a day 3 days a week
>work is a one minute walk away from house
>still feel like work ruins my week and limits my time too much
>count down the 4 days of freedom with dread
>feel like I can do barely anything on work days
Am I exceptionally lazy or just a non-brainwashed wagie?
Are you black?
>>17356263
the latter. What is the nature of your work?
hello /adv/
i will make this short, if you want more info, just ask.
i had a girlfriend, she was madly in love with me, but I broke up with her because she had some major psychological problems.
we met up at a festival after we had broken up, and we kissed. didn't talk about it or anything.
then we hang out the next day, she is on mdma, and when i'm sittin down to figure some stuff out, she talks with a dude, and ends up kissing him, with me standing right next to her.
i walk away, she runs after me and starts crying and everything, says she is sorry.
now, this girl was actually in love with me, she had a tattoo exactly like mine made after we broke up, and her friends have been talking to me after we broke up and told me shit.
so, if she actually likes me, and she just fucked up because she was mdma, should I forgive her?
or should I stand my ground, because I feel thoroughly backstabbed.
please help, I can't get this out of my mind
She sounds majorly fucked up and will fuck your life up. 99% chance you will get a new girl with the next 2 yrs...and even the 1% chance of being forever alone is actually the ticket to happiness your older self would recommend, but easily better than a loonie tune
It was a kiss, not like she fucked him. And yall werent even dating when she did that you asshol-ahem, sorry, my inner feminism was coming out of me.
Forgive her and enjoy the time with her until a real major fuck up happens OP. She likes you and you like her, enjoy it together.
>>17356273
Yeah, we weren't together. I realize. Still, there exists somewhat of a stigma kissing some random dude right in front of me, after we had kissed for the first time in 4 months.
I mean, we were cuddling and everything, had slept together the entire night, with her in my arms, and then when we woke up, we kissed.
You feel me? It's not like we were drunk as fuck and just kissed to some shitty music, it was a heartfelt moment.
It'd be the bigger thing to forgive her, but I can't stop seeing that shit - obviously I realize she has had other guys after we broke up, and I've had other girls, but something about bringing it so close to me AFTER we had kissed, fucks me up.
>>17356272
This is what I'm thinking. Thing is, I could just "get" her back and I wouldn't have to suffer, but maybe I'll suffer more in the long run if I keep it going.
I'm a 20 year old skinny guy.
Should I put on muscle or stay the same?
Have you ever sexual molested anyone/been sexually molested?
I don't care about success or a career. Is this normal or is there something wrong with my mind?
How do you know when to end a relationship and do you have any personal experience to share? I met a woman four years ago and we fell in love almost immediately and a year later she became pregnant. We had a beautiful little boy who recently turned two and he means the world to me.
Unfortunately it feels like our relationship has gone down the shitter for quite some time now and I feel that I deserve better but can't stand the thought of not seeing my son every single day. She never cares about my opinions or what I feel in various matters, she's almost always in a bad mood and it really brings me down as well. She's been very negative throughtout our whole relationship but it has gradually become worse. In the beginning I always tried to joke around and make her happy but eventually you get tired of doing so when there is no result.
We never spend any time together either and the few times we've had the ability to do so she ended up choosing to do other things instead of spending time with me. I know this sounds like a bunch of moaning but I seriously don't think this relationship will get any better in the long run and feel that it's best for all of us to end it sooner rather than later but them feels when I think about being away from my son... :(
tl;dr 4yr relationship with a 2yr old son. ANy advice on if/how to break up?
Break the ice, tell her at this point your only with her for the sake of your son. After that, say you wish things would be better between the two of you.
Im pretty sure theres something your doing wrong thats making her act like that so tell us the whole story faggot, not just your side.
>>17356234
To be honest as I said I feel like this relationship isn't going anywhere so perhaps I've stopped making an effort. Besides the reasons mentioned in OP there are huge differences in opinions regarding the future, living status, general moral questions etc.
She's always been a bit of a negative person but when she was expecting our son she put on a lot (and I mean a LOT) of weight which I'm assuming is one of the reasons for her bad mood. I don't mind her physique at all since I'm a chubby chaser but it really does have a negative impact on her well-being (from several perspectives) and it seriously effects our relationship as well.
Cutting of her clit and disposing of it should do the trick
I really need a females opinion on this.
I hate approaching women as s straight male. There's just too many variables.
I need to know when and where is it okay to approach women. I am mostly curious about approaching women at bus stops and on public transit.
My friend told me that you should never talk to women on the bus because they probably deal with other retard dudes every day in that same enclosed space.
Help.
>>17356172
Just be considerate.
I don't mind if someone approaches me on the bus if he's not pushy.
Have an excuse to approach her, don't use stupid pick up lines. Be nice and smile. If she doesn't sound interested, leave.
Ok ok, here's what you're gonna wanna have to do.
Get a sex change.
These days it's pretty much rape when you walk up to a girl to try and talk.
Just drop a few grand on the procedure. And once you've gotten to know her then you can change back. And maybe you'll even be lucky enough to jump a few places up the wait list of men on her waiting list of men to date since trans are in right now.
And if you want extra points at a premium cost you can get plastic surgery to look like one of her best friends.
You'll have to take her out though but it's ok.
She could never love her as much as you do.
But seriously op. Girls are just normal people.
Do you have a hobby?
Reading?
Find a book club
Art?
Got to drawing classes.
Social clubs are great for meeting people who can easily connect with on mutual ground.
And just approach convocations with the intent with having a cool little chat rather than trying to pick up a girl. And if there's a link then cool. It'll be natural and not forced
Generally, don't do it when the woman is trapped in the situation. Not when she's working, not if she's stuck with you on the bus. She should be able to politely disengage and walk away without it being awkward as fuck.
Oh, and I shouldn't have to say this, but if she walks away, don't follow her. I've had a couple of guys follow me around stores and stuff, it's really off-putting.
On a vacation with my family for a few weeks. I got horny and adventures and went to an escort yesterday.
Today I feel weak AF. I had quite a bit of alcohol and some nicotine too. I licked her clit and anus, but used condom for everything else, including her oral on me.
Should I panic or is it just my body reacting to the journey / heat / alcohol / nicotine mixture?
>I licked her clit and anus
Haha, someone is that retarded? Wouldn't do that to the girl on the first time and you did that to the whore. Enjoy your STD.
But to be more specific, when you did it, what country?
>I went to an escort yesterday.
>I licked her clit and anus
kek
why is this so common here? i swear ive seen this same oral sex to hookers story about 20 times
why the fuck?
I used to love making art. I'm not the best, but I liked it. Unfortunately, two things happened earlier this year to make me hate it.
The first was my girlfriend breaking up with me. I feel like I lost my muse.
The second was me giving up my ADD meds. It's so hard to feel motivated now.
This was in February, and I've barely produced anything since. I'm so anxious that I won't make anything good, and so uninspired. I don't want to drop my craft. I can't believe I've been out of the game for nearly half a year.
Not to mention, the crushing worry that maybe I just wasn't meant to be an artist. I feel like I've given up a lot in life to pursue this, and maybe I'm just wasting my time.
I don't know what to do. I just took the last ADD pill I have (found it in my car), and I can't even produce, despite feeling "normal" for the first time in ages. How do people make art without drugs? This sucks. What do I do?
Why am I such a broken failure?
The world is filled with inspiration for the right eyes.
Inspiration takes effort, just like everything else. You already know that there is a lot to hear to see, to listen, to read...
Also, you have an obsession with yourself. Stop thinking about thinking about feeling unwell. Take a step outside of what you think you are and explore. Maybe your old self is meant to die.
I hope this make sense to you.
>>17356105
Losing your muse and stopping medication in itself can be a source of inspiration.
You have to find a purpose to create art, so it has meaning and relevance. Otherwise it's not art.
I'm sorry for your losses.
You may need to take a break from art for a while. Artistic pursuits don't usually interact with breakups very well (yeah, yeah, Taylor Swift blah blah blah, whatever). But this doesn't have to be permanent. Take some time to let yourself grieve and heal up, and then jump back in.
Of course, while this is happebing, you will need something else to do (and I do not recommend more art; we've already seen that you don't have the temperament for that).
The arts and crafts are closely related, but there IS a difference, and I believe that this difference may help you. Look into crafting things, in ways that allow you to continue applying at least some of the skills you learned as an artist, to keep them sharp. What media do you work in?
Hey. I've got two choices in front of me; since the beginning of the year, I've been planning on going to community college for graphic design, however this would only land me an associates degree, and the college itself is a 30 mile trip away from where I live. On top of that, I don't have a car, and while I have some funds available to get one with some assistance ($700) I'm worried that it'll end up breaking down while I'm going to school, and the whole thing won't even be worth it.
Alternatively, I could sign my life away to the Army. It's been looking like a good option; I currently have no friends that aren't my family, I've pretty much eliminated my entire sexual orientation, so I'm not chasing after any women, I don't want to have kids or get married. I don't really care about dying, however I'm not one to have a quitter attitude. My motivations behind this potential decision are: 1 - the benefits you can get after being in the military, so I can actually do 4 years of school for significantly cheaper at a legitimate university - 2 - actually learning true discipline so I'm not just sitting around playing vidya all the time - 3 - having a greater appreciation towards life from being in a miserable situation for a few years.
I eventually want to have a career in art/graphic design, but in my 30s or 40s, like Bob Ross. tl;dr - is going into the military the right choice for me or should I risk going to school for a shitty degree right away?
Anybody want to pitch in their two cents?
Honestly you sound like you sold yourself on joining the military. But if you have issues with it still, how about a compromise and joining the reserve instead?
>>17356456
This.
Reserves make it easier. Still get some GI bill benefits, 28 days liberty a month, still get to put "US Army" on a resume.
Hi /adv/,
Got couple of (stupid) questions:
How long does it take to "reset" after not smoking weed? I sometimes feel like shit, didn't smoke for a day or two and decided to quit.
The problem is that now I don't know what to do with myself, weed numbed me but now that I stopped I feel empty af. I also didn't do any productive shit for about a year since I dropped out of school aside from helping at home. This might sound retarded, but do your brain fights any kind of work after not doing anything for some time? It feels like I'm not used to any mental work.
I also feel tired sometimes and I have no clue if it's just me making excuses or if there is actually something wrong. If I exercise 3 times a week and sleep 8h, I should be okay right?
I stopped smoking weed myself. I quit my job not long before that, and I'm staring at two years of college next month, or going into the military. I'd say it takes about two weeks, I managed to pass up smoking when my friends were doing it. You just have to realize it's not all that, at the end of the day it's a drug, and it is addicting, but only about as much as caffeine.
>>17356118
Thanks for replying.
Also bumperino.
>I should be okay right?
Just don't get a job(s] to support yourself until you havw enough money to retire and keep visting 4chan and otherwise wasting your time and you'll do great
Last one:
>>17332888
Another sleepless night thinking about you
I've grown quite accustomed to these by now, but the anguish is still so hard to drown out. I didn't think it would take this long to be gone, but the colossal shadow of your memory lives on.
Strange...I never thought myself this type, but it seems that this tired sleepless knight is crushed by the weight of the silent hours when it's late. But honestly...well, no point in telling you something you should likely know about me. But you've been mistaken about me so many times, and I wouldn't doubt it if you didn't know one bit of my mind. Well actually, it's probably more likely that you simply don't care. And I shouldn't either, but I still so often stare at the vestiges and reminders where I see where it began and where it ended there.
Maybe it's completely fair. But I've never believed in such concepts myself. I simply believed in love and whatever else could come with it and paint my skies the brightest hues. I've simply believed in what I found in you.
But I believe it better if I stop acting the fool. It's time now to drink tears once again, and hopefully drowned shall be my desire to have you then. I hope that, in burning those around me, I may burn away my longing. For if I cannot burn with you, I hope I burn away completely. Well, I don't have to hope; I'm simply agreeing.
My, I should be sleeping; this sleepless night is just one of many.
I don't know what you have planned for the future. I'm sure you don't either.
But you had better stay the fuck away from me.
>>17356096
Nicely written, anon. Initial?
I've taken a lot of shit for asking this before (on Reddit), but do you think it's worth considering a move overseas specifically because I don't feel I fit into American culture well?
It's often considered childish to think something like this, but I have all the opportunity in the world to do this at my age (18), and from all I've observed, other regions seem better to me. America is often labeled an "Extroverted society", and I couldn't agree with that tag more. At the root of it, it seems like the countries that look more appealing put more thought into everything, and it's better to live there as a result. School is a tool to learn more, it's not just a place where you waste your teenage years meandering like here. There's more of a respect for privacy, and everyone's not shouting all the time.
Do I think these small differences are worth a move? No, but they're indicative of a society that's more mature and has long-fixed a number of things I'd deem common sense. Feel free to tear me apart here for being a silly idealist if you'd like, but for all the flack Americans catch on the internet it would be appreciated for one of you to consider immigration seriously past economic motives.
The regions I'm considering in particular are France, Germany, the UK, or Scandinavia. I'm open to other places, however.
>>17356055
>on reddit
Do it.
>>17356059
My post is very negative regarding Reddit, you didn't pick up on that?
