Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 659. page
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Over the past couple years, I've noticed that I've become progressively more resentful and angry at my mother and her actions.
Growing up, she was kind of the "favorite parent" because she wasn't as strict as my dad, and was more apt to let me do things my dad wouldn't.
But she wasn't around as much as my dad was. She was in the Air Force, and had to go overseas for months at a time. I got left with my dad a lot, but he worked 24 hours on/off at his job, so I got left alone or with a babysitter or friend a lot too.
My mom wound up being gone during some pretty critical milestones of my life. Without her around, I had pretty much no female role models, and I developed a severe hatred of women due to an inability to relate to media’s depiction of them. I was pretty sure I was trans for a long time, and I hated my body. It caused some major problems with my partner and I, and while we've since worked through it all, they were a huge roadblock in regaining my lost confidence, and plagued me for somewhere between three/five years.
I think when I was around fifteen or so, she began confiding in me about the doubts she was having about her marriage to my dad, and the underlying problems behind it. She felt he was too materialistic, and that nothing would ever make him happy because he just kept buying new, expensive things, but it was never enough. She felt that she didn't make him happy, and thought a divorce would be good for both of them. Being a naïve teenager (with only about one year of dating experience under my belt), I foolishly urged her to get a divorce, as I was not experienced or wise enough to have any other suggestions, and I thought it would make her happy. She was extremely grateful for my support, and around when I was seventeen, she went for it.
1/?
2/?
It should be noted that, during the time of her telling me about considering the divorce, she also confessed to me that she had cheated on my father multiple times while she was deployed. I had no idea what to do with this information as a teenager, as I wanted to protect my mother, though I didn’t (and still don’t) agree with what she had done.
During the time leading up to the divorce, I went to a concert in a city a day’s trip away with a friend and my partner. My mom drove us, and while we were there, she met up with a childhood friend she had reconnected with (keep in mind that this man traveled around 600 miles to get to where we were), and had started developing a relationship with while she was still married to my dad. My friends and I were fairly uncomfortable with the idea of sharing a room with this man we had never met, and he and my mom wound up in a separate hotel room because of it. Being in the midst of the situation, it honestly didn’t seem that bad, just uncomfortable, but looking back on it, I realize how horrible this was of her.
Fast-forward to after the divorce, and I’m living with my mom. On more than one occasion she talks about how she “never could have done it,” without me and how “it took my kid telling me for me to finally get a divorce.” She says these things as compliments and basically praises me (to me AND her friends) for helping her end her marriage.
Over time, it starts eating away at me mentally; I’m beginning to realize that a divorce was a quick, lazy solution to problems that could’ve likely been solved via proper communication (she never made an effort to communicate her problems to my dad while they were married; it seemed like she simply expected him to know what he was doing wrong without being told). Now, as an adult with my own healthy, long-term relationship, I understand fully the rashness and foolishness of my mother’s decision, and I feel like the sole factor that made it happen.
3/?
Since the divorce, she’s had several short-lived relationships, her second-most recent having been a mostly long-distance one with a man who was married, and had been for I believe around forty years. They justified their relationship because there was “no love” left in the marriage, but despite this, I still didn’t like hearing about it, and my mother knew this. I would become markedly uncomfortable and silent when she brought him up, gushing about how happy he made her. Once she would notice my discomfort, she would say something like, “I know you don’t approve” or “I know how you feel about it, so I’ll be quiet,” and I would be made to feel badly because I didn’t want to hear about my mother being a mistress to a loveless marriage. Despite her knowledge of my thoughts on the ordeal, she would still continue bring him up unprovoked, much more often than I would have liked.
Ignoring the obvious reason of “she’s my mother and I should love her no matter what,” I feel overwhelmingly terrible about my resentment because her military service is paying for my college education, and the surplus from it is what’s allowing me to live comfortably and worry-free. I don’t feel I can divulge my feelings to her for fear it all turning into a guilt-trip about me being ungrateful for everything she’s done for me. I’ve expressed my sincere appreciation for what she’s done for me on numerous occasions, and it never seems to be enough to stop her from using it all as guilt-trip leverage.
4/?
I’m just so unbearably angry and annoyed at everything she does at this point. She’s in early retirement due to disability, so she’s just kind of doing nothing with her life outside of online shopping. She buys a fuckton of piddly little inexpensive shit off the internet, and then gives me like half of whatever she gets. Normally, I’d be fine with this, but I’m actively trying to de-clutter my life and get rid of as many things as possible, and she knows this. I’ve repeatedly asked her to stop buying me things because I have no room for them, but that never seems to stop her. Hell, while I was trying to get rid of some of my stuff in my room, she saw me put two stuffed animals that she had gotten me less than a year ago (that I specifically asked her not to get) into the “to get rid of” box, and she got upset and was all, “You love those!” and when I explained they were large, I had no attachment to them, and I needed to downsize, she just kind of scoffed, said, “Fine, do whatever,” and made me feel like an ass. I’ve been getting rid of things she’s given me behind her back because it all feels so hollow and empty, and I just don’t want to deal with her guilting me about it.
Nearly everything lately comes back to her making me feel bad about something. I ask her to stop buying me things since I’m trying to de-clutter? I’m the bad guy. I suggest she stop buying things just because they’re on clearance because she doesn’t actually need them? I’m a “fuddy-dud,” because I don’t want her to have new things. I suggest we shouldn’t get another cat because we already have four of them in a house that should have no more than two? She pouts at me like a goddamn toddler because I’m “no fun,” and gets one anyways.
Is love essential to survival? Or is it okay to live without the care of another of your species.
>>17191491
Yeah plenty of people do only reason you would think other wise is from all the sad losers on here
>>17191493
Am used to the sad losers.
Only asking because my vision of love and other humans is tainted by the actions of my past experiences. Love is also just a chemical reaction of Dopamine and Serotonin. Nothing else.
Some people choose not to have relationships, some people meet their high school sweethearts and stay happily married, some have bad luck and don't find love for a while. Everyone is different. "The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away" Not essential for survival, but it is nice. When it's a healthy relationship of course.
Is it true that you should avoid a woman who's head-over-heels for you? As in, she's in awe of you and thinks everything you do is so impressive.
>>17191486
It's one of those things you should just play by ear.
My first girlfriend was crazy about me and it was nice for the first few weeks, then it got tiresome real quick because it turned into her being as clingy as shit on the sidewalk. I tried telling her I needed space, but the relationship didn't last more than a few months. Sex was crazy good though.
Sometimes you'll find someone that respects and admires you, but that's different from being borderline addicted to you.
>>17191486
Either you'll get annoyed of her obsession or you'll dissapoint her as she gets to know you.
You should always love equally IMO. Or have her love slightly more just in case.
>>17191486
Nah that means she like you and is spreg good out.
Now the question is does it seem like her affection is too good to be true?
What have you done to earn it?
If yes to the first and nothing on the second then it's sketchy.
Why your gut is telling you something is up. Listen
The second is based on the fact that women evaluate and pick the best mate if you've done nothing then why'd she pick you.
What does it mean if a girl in her early 20s will go down on you but not fuck?
She's given lots of excuses and keeps putting it off so I suspect she's lying about the real reason.
She's riding the cotton pony. Wait a week.
>>17191454
Period or she's nervous/insecure. Maybe she has an STD. Maybe she isn't ready. There are millions of fucking reasons dude just ask her
>>17191458
>>17191494
It's been weeks. Really like her though so I'm not prepared to move on and we're not exclusive anyway.
>dude just ask her
Please read the second sentence of the OP.
hey any artfags here
I've been practicing graffiti in my backyard and i have built up balls to head out. what i need is any advise on what should/shouldn't do. also what are some good/cheap cans. I've just been using Aussie exports.
>graffiti
>art
Stick to huffing the paint, degenerate
>>17191391
You shouldn't do graffiti on someone else's property, cunt
First off, OP find a chill spot where you can go to during the day to practice painting, not just your backyard.
Second, DONT worry about being caught unless if you are caught in the act by a police officer. Try to wait until the coast is clear before writing anything because there are lots of cunts like the posters above me who WILL dial 911.
These forums aren't the greatest of places to discuss graffiti. Head over to bombingscience.
Not sure what you've been practicing but the way it should work is you start out tagging, then move on to hollows, throw ups, etc. then maybe a couple years down the line you'll be ready to piece up, unless you're a fast learner.
I used to steal my paint, why pay money to commit a crime? Most people these days get caught up. So just buy rustoleum, montana, whatever. You need to immerse yourself into graff, not just practice in your backyard. Buy some markers, name tags, white out pens, and get up. Enjoy yourself, easiest way to get caught writing graffiti is looking suspicious.
/adv/ I've fucked up bad. I just accidentally ruines my friendship with the only four friends I had and they won't give me another chance saying I need to change which I do because i'm a dickbag asshole, but no matter how sincere I am they refuse to believe that I can change. What do I do? These 4 people are literally all I have in my life
>>17191257
More info or fuck off
Let them make the first move, even if you have to wait weeks/months/years. Don't try to convince them that you changed, don't make any argument about having changed, don't act like you deserve to be forgiven. Prove yourself through your actions. Just change and then go on with your life. If one day they want to go back to being friends then good for you, otherwise keep going.
>>17191421
if you really fucked up, this
More info would be appreciated either way
Hello guys.
I think I am in a deep shit. You know Wechat? There's a feature where you could shake, and it randomly match you with anyone who shake their phone too. So I stumble upon this Egyptian guy. My wechat account is a fake account that I use to fooling around with no serious harm done, I swear. Just that I would like to know random strangers and evaluate their personalities. Anyway, that guy said he was a rich guy who will pay if I video call him, sexting. (I stated in my fake account that no money no talk, with a hidden babe face dp.) Basically I am a girl that into online sexting with guys, a hooker for money. He ask me to send nudes, you know what the horny guy would do. I refused for video call but offer him pictures of a random girl that I found on Tumblr. And seems like he took the bite. He even voice call me and since my voice kinda not your average joe, so it sounded naturally like a girl (I am 23 by the way, with my normal deep voice). So after all that sticky situation, the very next day, he contacted me saying that he is a police from Interpol who deals with minor sexting online and illegal prostitution trade. He threathen me of destroying my life if I didn't agree to go to his place, which is on the other part of the world. He said he have my ip address and that if I might do anything ridiculous, he is watching me. So I ask him how do I know if he is the real deal, he send his photo in a police uniform, but then he deletes it rather few seconds later before I even take a better look. He said, I should never make him angry again or else he will ruin my life. He said I am an exception case and he calms down because I was an honest girl and pure that he loves me so much. (Well of course I am not that angel because I am a dude). I guess I am going too far and I dont know what to do. I thought perhaps he is joking, but then my alter ego told me he might be real. So, is he a real deal, and what should I do? I've been restless & seek help here. Please.
>>17191228
Rape ur ass
don't be an idiot
He can't do shit, block and ignore him.
>>17191233
I wish he would only do fuck me. But that ruin my life part is scary to me.
How the fuck do you survive work.
I'm a highschool student and i recently got my first job as kitchen staff at a semi-fast food italian place. I'm scheduled to work 37 hours this week, just completed hour 27 and i'm ready to die already. My bosses love me and i love the job but everything fucking hurts and i've basically stopped doing anything but chores and working, and school on s summer is over.
i realise i probably sound like a baby but i pretty much just threw myself in a frying pan working 7 hours a day, and i need ways to cope.
Aleve and Red Bull.
You're supposed to work 7 hrs a day for something you enjoy doing, that can pay the bills, HAS RELAXING MOMENTS and that doesn't kill you with stress. You're doing it wrong by working at fast food. I do not know anyone who could handle working basically full time in fast food as kitchen staff. fuck that. Try getting an internship for a 'real job' whatever that means and you'll see the difference.
>>17191209
Trust me i don't want to work 40 hours a week. I didn't ask for this.
>tfw deathly addicted to RC benzos because lol cheap and im on probation so i can't use traditional benzos
>tfw can't seek help/go to rehab because i'll go to prison for admitting that I used drugs while on probation
Thinking an hero might be a plausible solution here?. I can't taper/withdraw myself (never been able to). If I stop taking it today I'll seize by tomorrow and the jig is up
50+mg etizolam/day btw for about a month now, been on and off this stuff for years
Pls help... no bully for degeneracy or w/e
It's not your fault
>>17191193
But it's still your problem
>>17191193
Not sure if troll, too high to make the distinction.
Anyway, it's entirely my fault. Like stepping in front of a moving train is entirely my decision.
So... cop to it, go to prison and get ass-raped for god knows how long, keep doing it hoping I wont be found out and try to stop (not happening). Or an hero.
so me being a giant emofag with chronic depression pulled an allnighter and decided to watch the sun rise and hear some music at a giant lake near my area. I started at 4.30 am took the tram to the lake had my feels there and decided to go get back home. I was the only one inside the wagon untill i reached a station where 3 people got in one of them was a beautiful girl honestly a >8 with black shorts grey leggins and a black hoodie (i was dressed simulary freshly showerd and done my hair) she decided to sat right next to me even though almost the whole wagon was emty long story short i just tensed up and stared out of the window but saw from the corner of my eye how she looked at me and tried to get a look back from me but the anxiety was just to strong i didin't even once moved my eyes on her during the ride i got off 2 stations early and feel like i just missed the biggest chance to get with someone thats like me and could understand me. Any advice on how not to kill myself in the next days(or just how to not do something like that again). btw im from germany so dont tell me my english is bad i know that.
We only regret the things we didn't do.
Fuck. Ride the same route again. Problem solved.
Just man up and say Hi.
>>17191174
i live in a city with 500k residents so thats sadly not gonna happen
Why is online dating filled with such generic people? Oh my god - you love your friends, family, food and travel? SO DO MOST OTHER PEOPLE. How the fuck am I meant to find anyone in a sea of this?
By appearance
Or use OkCupid
Because we're all desperate and don't have anything positive to say about ourselves because of low confidence yet we don't want to date uggos.
my dad is abusive but i have nowhere to go and im disabled so i can't get a job to become financially independent
what can I do
>>17191114
how disabled are we talking?
are you wheelchair bound or able to walk? how old are you too is important.
>>17191129
ita mental abd i realize thus sounds like im exaggerating by saying its a disability but it really isn't
i get panic attacks (what im calling them but im not really sure what they are) and completely shut around half the time I go outside
ill be unable to move or talk for up to an hour
ive needed someone ti call for help/call 911 around 5 times this month
i dropped out of school because i wasn't able to go without shutting down
the only job I can see my self getting is something 100% online where i never have to talk to another person but i don't think i enough money doing that, especially without a high school diploma
im already going to psychs and on meds but they have been helping
>>17191139
haven't been helping*
Fucking help, /adv/.
I'm part of a three person family. Myself, my husband, and my 18 yr old son. (yeah, I know, I'm old, get over it).
EVERY FUCKING TIME I make a nice dinner, as soon as the guys sit down, even before I can sit down with my plate (or the last of the dishes, or whatever) they are at each other's throats. Constantly fighting, bickering, cussing, yelling, talking shit to each other. I can't fucking take it anymore. Tonight, I told them I wasn't going to make dinner any fucking more, because every time I do, they ruin it. I spent over 3 hours making a meal tonight, and they both threw half of theirs away because they were so mad at each other and couldn't sit at the table anymore.
And the thing is, it only happens when I make dinner. Obviously, dads and teenage boys don't get along. I didn't get along with my mom when I was that age, but this is just getting fucking ridiculous. I'm about to lose my shit.
I talk to both of them, separately and together, about working out their issues, but they won't listen to me. My husband never had anything growing up, he had to bust his ass for everything he ever got. Our son has had it pretty easy, but it was US who did that for him. My husband spoiled the CRAP out of him when he was little, because "I never had anything, and I don't want him to have a shitty childhood like I did". Okay. Well, now he's reaping what he sowed, and he refuses to admit it. He tries to tell me that I spoil him because I cook meals for him, but he does his own laundry, he cleans up his own bathroom and bedroom, he's looking for a job (but hasn't found one yet), and he's trying to figure out what he wants to do for higher education (he's really undecided, and frankly at 18, that's not abnormal).
I'm about ready to fucking go old school pop tart and shave my head and beat people with an umbrella. Help.
Get your son to move out.
You may need to lose your shit op. It sounds like they don't really respect you and think of you as a doormat while you're trying to peacemaker them. Admirable, but your husband and son seem like oafs. You may need to change tactics and blow all your shit up in rage for them to realize 'oh shit I fucked up'
>>17191141
Well, he should, obviously, but we live in a very expensive area of the country, and his two best friends are also still living at home. I'm not trying to baby him, but I also don't want to fuck him up like I've seen kids get fucked up from their parents dropping them.
He's a good kid, I want him to get out and do his thing, but I don't want to just be like "fuck off". And, I want his dad to understand that he can't just move out totally on his own and be fine, it's not the fucking 1980s.
Problem:
Can't concentrate on studies, because want a boyfriend.
Don't have time searching for boyfriend.
It doesn't seem like sexual urge.
Sobbing internally, while roommate doesn't do shit and constantly fucks her guy.
How to concentrate, /adv/?
Diagnosis : Depression
What exactly do u need a boyfriend for tho? No seriously. Get a pad abd paper and write down every reason that comes to mind. When you run out, put it down and think on it more through out the day, every time an idea hits you, write it down. Then summerize the list.
>>17191047
But I do just fine when I play vidya or watch anime whole day... Just... Fine...
do you guys ever forget to eat or use the bathroom while youre usign the computer? or try to push it to the very last moment?
Foul Bachelor Frog
>>17191024
No, but my 4 year old does that when she is playing or watching TV. Then she puddles a little bit and changes her underwear. Grow the fuck up.
This is called Addiction
