Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 667. page
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I have a problem that I need to get fixed ASAP, which is causing me massive, lethal amounts of stress.
however, I am told that the problem cannot be fixed while I am under such massive amounts of stress, as they believe fixing the problem would be more stressful to me than not having it fixed.
How do you stop being stressed in order to have the source of stress fixed when the problem at hand is the literally only source of stress in your life?
>>17189033
What is the problem at hand?
>>17189037
I need a sex change.
I've been needing one for eight years and they've figured I can't be in any particular hurry.
>>17189064
see a psychiatrist about you wanting a sex change. Transsexual is not normal and it never will be. You should not be feeling the need to be a different sex then what you are and it's clear you have mental health issues.
inb4 tumblr bait
live in london suburbs
wanna get a prostitute
best go visit in to them or get them to come to me?
pros/cons?
thanks
>>17188995
Get a hotel, you don't want a hooker to know your address.
>>17189031
or go to them? what would be the disadvantages?
>>17188995
>pros/cons?
Getting a pro is better than getting a con
>Be me
>Birthday tomorrow, planned some stuff
>Girlfriend reminds me that she's kept her schedule open
>Have no fucking idea what to do
>All the movies playing are bad in general
I'll have a couple hour window to spend time with her, but it's tomorrow and I planned on the movies, but they're all shit. Have plans with friends today, but not tomorrow, so I can't exactly invite her to tag along in a bonfire or something.
I'm all out of ideas
You think that's bad? My 28th birthday was yesterday. I worked and went home and did nothing out of the ordinary, alone.
At least you girlfriend actually likes you unlike some of the other posts hahahaha.
Go somewhere fun. An arcade, amusement park, poo, the beachl, rollerblading rink, mini golf, bowling, fishing. Somewhere you really enjoy spending time with her that's more interactive than a movie. Follow it up with somewhere to get lunch or dinner, whatever meal you'll be out for.
> be me
> be in an abusive relationship for far too long
> not know how to leave because every time I try to they blackmail me into staying
meanwhile
> abusive partner spends 99% of their time telling their friends who barely even know me that it's all in my head
> their ex reaches out to me and tells me it isn't in my head and that they did the same thing to them for years before they could get away
> abuser went to the point of trying to sabotage their next relationship with the guilt tripping and threats
> they tell me it's best to cut them off
> little attempts towards cutting them off gradually fail as they try to claim to my friends that I'm crazy and don't really want to break up
> going behind my back with other people they've been unfaithful about and those people threaten to beat me up without even knowing me
> partner is basically taking the typical abuse route and claiming to others and everyone who will listen that it's me being abusive
what do I do?
I have all of the proof of their abuse, lots of it.
My first question is how do I cut them off without them going full stalker and harassing my friends further?
my second question is how can I stop it affecting me? my shitty partner and their friend's abuse affects me so badly it gives me full blown panic attacks and yet somehow they're still the victim
And when I break up and cut them off, is it better to just say nothing more than goodbye or do I make a point of standing up to them (again) and telling them what they did wrong when I know they're only going to use my words against me and twist them to their growing army of equally as unpleasant people?
My friends can see through their bullshit but their friends don't know their true nature. This is a very particular kind of abuser, who is very charming and acts like the kindest person in the world but behind closed doors they are malicious and cruel,
(cont)
Behind closed doors they enjoy hurting me and bringing me down, they laugh at me and tell me they wouldn't care if I died and they think rape and abuse is hilarious. They act as if their friends coud not live without them and clearly have narcisstic traits.
I don't know how to approach anyone about it because they've already done such a good job over our relationship with taking precautions by painting me to be the crazy one.
But here I have all this wonderful proof that I'm not, do I dare use it in attempt to be free of their constant claims to anyone who will listen?
They are also heavily hypocritical. They are controlling, emotionally and sexually abusive, but the minute I try to put my foot down because they've been unfaithful time and time again or they constantly treat me badly or lie, they get angry at me and tell me that's also me being stupid.
I know I'm not being stupid, but this is making me slowly lose the will to live despite their games where they'll say I'm the one draining them. How can I get out without them abusing me more for it.
They throw me away and then bully me back every single time the way they did to their ex but years later and the ex tells me they are much more malicious and abusive to me now than they were to them back then.
I'm so scared, I'm so done, I practically hate them at this point but I don't want to be abused or harassed for whatever I do.
>>17188988
First off, stay strong.
Good on you for knowing that it's time to leave this relationship. You said you have proof, go to close friends or family, show them and ask for help. You can also try to get a restraining order on your partner.
Do you live with this person? If so, pick a day where he's out of the house and collect your things and GTFO to a safe place, like your parent's house.
>>17189045
Thank you for the encouragement, I'm doing my best but it's so difficult. This sadly isn't my first experience with an abusive relationship, as much as he tells his friends it's in my head and I'm lying.
I don't live with him so that's one thing. It's the people he keeps involving that's the problem. If they knew what he was doing I feel like there's a chance they would back down...but I don't know how to approach a bunch of people who would only go back to him and that would put me in danger.
Hey guys, first time poster here.
I started seeing a girl I've known for roughly two years running. About two months ago we became a couple and started talking more frequently and seeing each other on a once a week basis, which I always made the plans for and always engaged first due to not having a clear schedule ( though before we began our relationship she always engaged first ).
Just last week during a late Skype call we made a deal ( I can't say the details ), of which I did my half and expected her to do hers. She told me once she was done eating she'd pull through, and I messaged her telling her I'd wait for her for that night. However, she didn't message me back so I went to bed about two/three hours later.
I wasn't needy so I waited about the week mentioned ( it was about eight days though ), of which she didn't message me back nor hit me up at all. Once the eight days passed, I sent her a message about it in a friendly and playful manner ( how I usually act around her ) with literally no response at all. Which isn't normal for her since she's always replied to me a few hours after.
I should also mention before we were in a relationship, we were supposed to Skype one day and she flaked on me, then we didn't speak for about a month. I dropped her without telling her, then she came back more willing to talk. So it makes me think this is the same case, but as my girlfriend I didn't expect her to behave this way, so I'm considering dumping her as I find it immature.
Long story short - We had a deal. I filled my end. Waited for her to fill hers and she didn't. Didn't message her back or made a scene about it. Waited eight days with no message from her. Messaged her after the eight days with no response. How should I handle this?
>>17188954
Tell us deal or shit first post
I think even if you don't dump her, things seem like they are headed towards the dumpster.
She obviously is emotionally distant for a reason, possibly shes found another guy or what not... In general the balance of power or balance of investment should be male 80% - female 20%. Then as you go through the chasing and make her fall in love with you it should be around 50% - 50%. I'd wager, a healthy relationship should always have the female as the more invested one, so maybe around 35%-45% male investment, with the rest as female investment.
From what I've read, I think the balance is very off and it sounds like a LDR. I think its best to let go and cut your losses. Best of luck friend.
You both seem young and dumb, she seems to not even know what she wants and you seem inexperiented with women
This is not going anywhere
What does it mean ti truly be a man?
So i have these urges to play with toys i havnt played with since middle school. Id feel pretty autist plaing with them but, would a real man not supress his emotions?
Playing with toys means you aren't a man
>>17188957
Playing with miniature giant robots is compatible with being a man.
And model trains and trucks.
why the fuck would you want to play with toys? that sounds boring as fuck.
i don't give a fuck about being 'a real man', we don't need that shit, but i just don't get people obsessing over their childhood. Becoming a grown up is so very exciting, and it's something i've been waiting for through some of my childhood and certainly through puberty and my teens. fuck playing with toys
Hey there /adv/. Lawyer here, in Ontario Canada, mostly family law. I'm in my office kinda bored on a Friday. Ask me anything.
>>17188753
Pic not related. Although she is hot.
>>17188753
How hard is to get into Canada being a lawyer from another country ? I'm guessing you have to get some sort of license to practice law in Canada, right? Do you know if there's any process to get this license for foreign lawyers? I'm really thinking about fucking off my country and Canada seems nice.
>>17188906
I'm no immigration expert, but I believe that "lawyer" isn't an occupation /profession which gives one an advantage to come to Canada.
Once you're here you'd have to check with the provincial law society. If you're law degree is recognized as valid in Canada then you should be able to do the "bar admissions" program and write the exams to get a license in your new province.
Canada is nice, I think. But to practise you need a license from your provincial Law Society, and getting that will depend on whether your law degree is recognized in the first place.
There's always the option of becoming a paralegal, or applying for a job as a Justice of the Peace, I've known some who were lawyers in other countries and jurisdictions.
I don't know if that helped. Good luck?
How to move out of my parents house?
I'm almost 19 and still live with my mom.
Are you in college?
>>17188785
No.
>>17188741
I don't get the question. What don't you know how to do? Get some income, look for a vacant apartment, tell your mom, rent a truck, get some friends to help you move your shit, and go.
Woke up this morning. Hungover.
Girl I had 3 year relationship and walked the globe with unblocks me on Facebook after emailing me and seeing eachother downtown since she has a new boyfriend.
Her new boyfriend sucks ass, so I don't know what that says about me, but she's super hot and smart. I don't feel like I'm glorifying either of them.
Anyways. Just talked to her on the phone for the first time in like 6 months because I blocked her on everything. That's a long time. If I go back to her I lose a certain friend who is a girl.
But we have a dog together. And she wants me to call her. She's the only girl who's strangled my heart since I was 6 years old. Cute and blonde.
What the fuck do I do? The "Game" sucks," and everyone l in it potentially has AIDS.
I really don't know if I should call her today. I woke up and got super stoned, took like 5 shots, and now I'm at work when she tries to call me. The timing feels off. Or perfect?
>>17188725
Gotta move on, ese. Forgive her, but don't fall for her moves again.
She will definitely try to be in your life again when she relizes her mistake and its up to you to accept her or not.
Peace be upon you, brother
>>17188739
Yeah. But she feels like the "One," or whatever.
>>17188784
And I've dated quite a few girls.
My current gf and I have had a relationship since highschool and after we graduated we went our separate ways temporarily. In that time she had been with one other guy who she had sexual relations with and when that didn't work out she came back to me. My dilemma is what she had only known the guy for a few weeks or so before they had sex and that makes me feel as if I shouldn't be with her (keep in mind that this is the only girl I've been with my entire life). I don't really know who to turn to since all of my irl friends say that we were "made for each other" and I really do love her, but at the same time I can't get over how easily she gave it up to another guy and I feel like I'm missing out on something you know. I feel like if I end the relationship I'll never find anyone like her again but I don't want all of this other stuff on my conscience anymore. This isn't to say I just want casual relationships, no, that not my thing, but what if there is even the smallest possibly that there is someone else for me out there? Should I take the risk or should I just buckle down and deal with it?
>few weeks
>easily
U wut nigga.
Drop it like it's hot.
>>17188773
What would you call it then? She said she didn't even love him or enjoy having sex with him, yet she still did it several times.
Here's the deal /adv/. I've been smoking pot recreationally for well over a decade, since before I met my wife. She herself doesn't smoke (she's tried it but never smoked regularly). Recently, she's begun to get upset when I do, and she tells me that she thinks I have a substance abuse problem.
That's complete bunk; I take care to make sure I smoke responsibly. I smoke maybe 2-3 times a month, never when I have to drive, never when I have work the next day, never when I'm upset about something, and never before our son (2 y.o.) goes to bed. It also isn't a drain on our finances; a 1/4-oz lasts me well over a year. I know that I don't have a substance abuse problem.
But I know that people who suffer from addiction often don't understand their own situation and will offer all kinds of rationales to try to show that their drug use isn't that bad. So to offer the above information is useless, she treats it like a refusal to take accountability.
I don't think she's intentionally gaslighting me; she was in a long-term relationship (before we met) that ended disastrously, primarily because of her ex's alcoholism, so she's super sensitive to the issue. I'm not sure what I can tell her. Help please.
>>17188557
>I don't think she's intentionally gaslighting me; she was in a long-term relationship (before we met) that ended disastrously, primarily because of her ex's alcoholism, so she's super sensitive to the issue. I'm not sure what I can tell her. Help please.
Point out that connection. If you're going through a quarter ounce a year you do not have a problem. That said, if something bothers a partner this much and its this small a part of your life, maybe its time to let it go.
Couples' counselling, OP.
...I speak from experience. Seems like you're being rational, she needs to be able to not view the situation from the perspective of a traumatic previous relationship; most people need a therapist's guidance to change their frame of reference.
>>17188585
Couples counselling is a good idea, but OP is still trying to pitch the regular use of a controlled substance to someone who had a relationship fail due to substance abuse AND theres a kid involved. Its not like she's asking him to give up his favorite hobby, here.
my boyfriend doesn't send me texts in the morning anymore is he less interested ?
he just doesn't seem to contact me as much throughout the day anymore and I usually end up calling or texting him and putting in more effort. he doesn't realy take me out frequently either. I don't know if he doesn't wanna be with me anymore but it feels like it and idk how to act in response. I did talk about it with him and he said nothing's wrong and etc etc he said I overreact and stuff and I said okay do you think we should break up and he said no or whatever and I asked him again and he said I don't know and he was crying and I said if you don't know I should leave and we should break up and I don't remember what happened but we didn't break up..
help??
>>17188531
oh and he also makes a lot
of promises he can't keep. we've been together a year and it's new behavior
????
Sounds like guilt. Either from an unkept promise or infidelity.
Hey /adv/,
Is anyone here a believer in Christ? If so, I really want a thread to hear about your hardest struggles with your faith and your own personal struggles.
Even if you don't believe in God, I want to hear your story. This isn't bait.
This isn't even a thread to put guilt or shame on people or even push people into a belief in God or any religion.
Pls, no bully.
>bumping
Bumping again. I know there's gotta be someone out there that wants to be heard.
>>17188514
I'm not a Christian (I'm a polytheist), so I'm not sure what exactly you're looking for here. Care to explain what you want to hear?
Why is /adv/ filled with turd people who give genuinely bad advice?
>>17188462
people on here often give advice that works for them with out realizing that its hard for someone else to positively apply it to their life. for example people often say shit like "meh, go outside" but what the fuck does that mean? just because they can go outside and talk to people, and form social circles doesent mean everyone can. Also, people on here like to pretend they know shit with out looking into it.
what is bad advice op?
Because it's 4chan.
What do I do if my neighbors literally do not stop mowing lawns. Every single fucking day I wake up to the fucking sound. That retarded awful droning engine and the grass being cut and the mower running into shit. Even at fucking 9 am they are mowing lawns. They literally never stop. I live in a retarded hick town where people mow their lawns literally every single fucking day. I'm literally at a point where I'm just going to walk up to them and rip them off the fucking lawn mower this needs to stop. I wake up to a lawn mower literally every single fucking day.
>>17188437
yo, same. tis the season I guess.
wake up at 6 am tomorrow and mow your lawn.
after it enrages your neighbors maybe they'll gain some understanding and realize that other people sleep too.
>>17188443
Well I think the guy that does it early as fuck is taking care of a house that no one lives in. No one is ever at the house but there's always some fucking hillbilly over there at like 8 or 9 am mowing the fuck out of the lawn for hours
The problem isn't that people mow their lawns.
The problem is that you fly into rages that are taking over your life.
Seek professional help.
