Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 569. page
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how can I like genres of music I don't like at all? I think I need it to be more sociable
shouldn't this be on /mu/?
>>17223496
are you a musician or are you just trying to fit in?
If you listen to them enough, you can force yourself to like them. At least with me. I used to listen to only metal/rock but now I'm really into hip hop/rap
Hey, guys! Used to be a huge /soc/ user back in the day, just your garden variety /b/tard now. But, I need some advice.
So, I've been dating this girl for about 6 months now. She's pretty, she's fun, she's compassionate, I'm in love with her. She's in love with me. The problem? There's a huge issue that means we're loving on borrowed time. I want kids, she doesn't. I barely saw her this weekend because I honestly don't know what to do. If things keep going the way they are, a lot of momentum will build up and we'll have to address the issue at a later date with much worse circumstances. If I nip this in the bud now, it's a lot easier than down the road. But, what are the chances that one of us can change our minds? It's a big, huge difference in the future that we want.
TL;DR she doesn't want kids, I do
>>17223478
If shes not 25-27 give her a time. When biological clock hits the right time, she will want kids more than you do
>>17223478
OP here with a few more things:
The girl I'm currently dating is lazy and works from home and smokes weed all day every day. I'm an alcoholic lazy gamer, so it seems to work. But I suffer from Bipolar and I need to get out from time to time. I usually drag her on a walk or just go window shopping. But she often resents it and can't wait to get home to smoke.
Enter girl #2: I started hanging out with another girl. She's much younger than I am (still in the legal ranges, so don't think too young) and a fitness fanatic. She's also totally OCD, but when I'm with her we take walks in the woods, drink moderately and write music. The last couple of times we hung out, we ended up coiled together cuddling, but nothing much more. She seems like a much healthier person for me to spend time with. But, there's a huge age gap (ten years), so she seems like such a baby to me. She's also the complete opposite of my current girlfriend. I've thought about leaving my current girlfriend for her, but not in a serious manner. I do know that girl #2 is down with being with me. She's a whiskey drinking, weed smoking musician who shares a lot of interests with me, but I honestly never thought of her as more than a friend than recently.
TL;DR there's another girl who is the opposite of my current girlfriend who seems like a much healthier person to be with
>>17223491
She's 34 and I'm 30
Is there a way to get rid of weird fetishes? I have a fetish for dirty clothes especially panties and I think it's fucking creepy, I've even looked at a pair my friend had.
>>17223460
You can't really get rid of it. What you need is impulse control. Just don't act on your fetish if you don't want to. Don't feel guilty if you do, though. It's not that bad.
>>17223527
Fuck dude the urges are awful
Not op, but I try to control myself for a few weeks and then I splurge and meet up panty sellers off of craigslist. I then don't understand how I let the spaghetti spill again.
Me and my 7 months girlfriend haven't had sex yet...after 7 months. We are both 26.
FML
Will give all non-identifiable details in trade for good advice
Is she a virgin? Are you? Does she have a reason? Religion, wanting to wait till marriage? Have you talked about it? Did she told you no? Did you ask why? What was her answer?
Come on dude...
>>17223501
Neither of us is a virgin. We have oral sex with each other soo there are no religious motivations behind anything.
I know that she has a complandescent himen or something that hurts her every time like it was the first time. We talked about it but months have passed and nothing changed.
>>17223451
> le sex obsession meme
If you wanna fuck, then fuck you idiot
Hey /adv/
How do I become a normie?
start believing in yourself. Take a risk. Not like some crazy ass shit, like extreme sports. But do something every day outside your comfort zone.
Just try and do something else outside of your room.
>>17223433
Leave all of 4chan
Fix gaming problem
Do work
(You can take these fist two slow baby steps to stop addiction)
Make more friends
Get gf
Or Visit /fit/ and /pol/ until you manage to improve yourself enough to leave.
>>17223436
>Just try and do something else outside of your room.
Thanks, I really should do that. Sometimes I'm just so nervous about going outside because I sometimes feel like everybody are looking at me and judging me
How are people not scared of bonding and sharing your secrets with wrong people?
Am I a pussy for being secretive?
Why does literally everyone love drinking at 20s?
>>17223429
Deoends on the people. And the magnitude of the secret.
No, but paranoia can affect your life.
No fucking clue, I literally skipped all the casual drinking BS.
It's a good thing to be scared of bonding and sharing secrets.
You don't wanna play the cards right away.
No, i am too, secretive and sometimes, deceitful.
>>17223429
You, of course, don't share everything with everyone, most people have an inner circle of childhood or just best/close friends they tell most of their stuff to, there's a fair line between secretive and just ordinary. A secretive person reminds me of someone who works at some government intelligence agency or is just very introvert, but still, even those express their secrets and stuff to someone.
>Why does literally everyone love drinking at 20s
Letting off steam, partying (which for most usually includes some sort of narcotics , be it alcohol/weed. It really can't be explained, it's just how it is and 20s seem to be the right age, because that's where people are most active and at the legal age of doing most of the partying stuff.
As I can say for myself, I've been doing the " partying, alcohol etc" thing since 14-15, and now when I'm close to 20, I don't really feel that much of an urge to go and get wasted (nor did I get one my first year at uni, or reaching legal age), but such a thing is really individual
my ex dumped me for someone else and last night we had the falling out. I told the bf she's fucking me and he wants to fight etc and she said I'm over you but this morning she texted me "hey..."
should I keep ignoring her or respond?
ignore
>>17223372
I blocked her from my email, Instagram, snapchat and turned off chat on Facebook (nothing on my profile anyway ) so she probably realizes I blocked her out of my life
>>17223380
If you intend to try again in the future (which i wouldn't recommend by the way).
you'll need to leave her unblocked in every social media.
Is it worth to leave good college for a bad one to be with friends and a girl you have a crush on?
Nope
god damn. you are so retarded for asking this, im not even sure how you got into a good college in the first place. maybe you should move to the crappy one after all.
>>17223369
>>17223374
How do you cope with feeling left out and alone then? The colleges are on the opposite sides of the country.
Hey /adv/, I come to you in need of some help.
My girlfriend over 1 year has a problem with being social. She's extremely introverted, doesn't talk much around my friends or family, and when we're at my relatives, she hides in the room when me and the family are out talking. she either naps, or just stays on her phone instead of socializing.
Now, when we're alone together, she's very affectionate, quirky, funny, and just... normal. I'm a very extroverted person, and when i'm around other people I can talk for hours. I can also meet and make new friends easily. She's the opposite. It's honestly becoming a bit awkward, when we are out with friends (whom she's met and hung out with before and should have become comfortable with by now) she just sits there silently. I try so hard to get her to join in and try to give her openings, but she just sits there.
She's constantly coming up with excuses for not being social, but honestly, i'm just getting tired of it. I love her, she's amazing, she makes me feel amazing, but I just can't take her anywhere with others and it always turns into her wanting to stay in alone with me, while i'm very extroverted and want to go out and be with friends.
What do i do?
>>17223336
this goes for both genders, but why do people feel an obligation to bring along their bf/gf out with them? Is it because it's a "normal" thing to do? If I ever got a girlfriend (lol) I would be annoyed if she constantly wanted me to go everywhere with her.
>>17223356
This.
I'm sometimes annoyed that my friends girlfriends always have to be there whenever we do stuff.
If she prefers to stay at home while you go out, and if your friends don't mind, let her.
>>17223336
>mfw this is exactly the kind of girl i'm looking for
>mfw no girls like this at my uni or anywhere else around here
Anyway, this is likely not something you're going to be able to change overall, it's a pretty deep aspect of her personality. If it gets on your nerves enough, the only real long-term solution is to break up. You guys are frankly not really compatible and I've never seen such a relationship work longer than 3 years, but if you want to keep trying, maybe you can be the exception.
>should have become comfortable with by now
She obviously isn't. You can try to fix that with more activities together: typically, stressful activities like rock-wall climbing, ziplining, etc help, as well as emotional bonding like getting hella drunk together and talking about your lives.
How is she when drunk, anyway? More talkative? If so, events with alcohol are a golden opportunity in general.
Other than that, some people really need adrenaline in their system to be more outgoing, they usually realize this eventually and take up extreme sports and such (or abuse stimulants, but "get your gf hooked on speed" is the kind of advice that ruins lives).
Where do you find women who can have a conversation?
Everyone in my age-ranges (20s) can't discuss even the most basic topics to save their life, or end up feeling intimidated and buzz off. All I want is someone who is intelligent, can talk about things and doesn't look like that thing from the Goonies.
Maybe the problem is you?
>>17223324
>women cant talk online either
There is a high chance that the problem is you, there must be some topics you can discuss with anyone.
However, yeah, lots of people of my age (20s) aren't interested in anything and don't read anything harder than twilight.
Keep looking, anon, many people are different.
Who /given up on life/ here?
>30
>Alcoholic
>No job
>Broke
Pretty much given up. I had a good life I suppose. I tear up thinking about this.
Just lost the will to live.
>28
>Alcoholic
>on the dole
>Raking in the dosh
I'm loving it
>>17223199
>42
>struggled for years to make ends meet
>gave up women 5 years ago
>finally just left my apartment and moved back into parents' house
Now I just rot away in a bedroom. It's fucking over.
>>17223199
>22
>no job
>1 friend
>last girl dont want me
>flu
>high on weed and hydrocodone
Wat
How do you react when a girl starts touching you casually? Like if she starts stroking your arms or something like that.
Do it back
>>17223299
This
/Thread
>>17223299
What if it bites
1)/Adv/, does purposely losing contact with people, because you feel lonely in their company okay, or should i compromise and fit in? I always feel like i wasted time on such gatherings. How do you stop feeling like shit, when you don't sense connection?
>All those "i'm 29 and have no friends" threads are pretty depressing.
2)How do you develop close friendships? I'm in college
Used to be an anxious nearly autistic teenager, who didn't fit anywhere and thus, rejected everyone out of envy.
So, i don't have any friendships from school, and, honestly, never had real ones there. I was watching anime about friendships and dreaming about it, but was too scared to trust anyone.
>>17223155
>does purposely losing contact with people, because you feel lonely in their company okay
Yes, everyone does this. You can't force a friendship. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work.
>should i compromise and fit in?
Generally the answer is "YES, dumbass": that's kind of what this whole society thing is all about (go read about the hedgehog's dilemma). But not enough for it to make you unhappy or drive you nuts: basically, you compromise on the little things, but stand firm on a few important things.
Some people can't do this because they're freaks, but that's rare and often fixable (by psychiatrists).
>I always feel like i wasted time on such gatherings.
Then don't go to them. Don't waste your time doing shit because other people like it.
Go to social gatherings that you actually enjoy. Join clubs that are relevant to your interests, and go to the events they organize. That's why they organize them, after all!
>How do you stop feeling like shit, when you don't sense connection?
You don't. Everyone feels this feeling except psychopaths, basically (even schizoids do: it's usually one of the big reasons they even go to psychiatrists in the first place since they don't get lonely and are otherwise happy being by themselves).
Repressing it is a bad idea because it's a deep emotional drive, and this interferes with other emotions (again see schizoids as an example, most of them try).
>too scared to trust anyone.
Fix that. If you can't do it by yourself, see a therapist and they can help (your university probably provides one if you're in a 1st world country). Trust issues are ridiculously common so don't worry, they deal with that shit all day long.
>>17223553
Thanks for the reply, anon, that's reassuring.
>>17223155
>Go to social gatherings that you actually enjoy. Join clubs that are relevant to your interests, and go to the events they organize. That's why they organize them, after all!
Don't end up like us, a 26 yo loser with no friends.
Should I get a male prostitute? I've tried wand vibrators, various other sex toys and free casual sex with guys on tinder and from clubs but I've yet to be able to enjoy sex. I desperately need release/sexual satisfaction before I go mad. Should I just get a professional?
Get a boyfriend.
>>17222996
You can't just get a boyfriend someone has to develop feelings for you first
But I have the money for sex.
Why do you want to pay? Do you think it is yoyr guarantee to get good sex?
Cliché question, /adv/ - how can I get over an intense crush? I've been crushing on a girl for over two and a half months now, and what worries me is that I've never felt something so intense for anyone; not even my high school crushes were this bad.
And no, I don't think that it's reciprocal. Aside from the fact that she constantly offers to do my assignments and that our friends tease us, I have no reasons to think that she returns my feelings.
Please help me, /adv/. This is seriously eating me up inside.
>>17222956
Why do you doubt that she has feelings for you?
>Constantly offers to do assignments for me
That's a good sign.
>>17222956
fucking christ man you sound like a man child. i'm going to give you the same advice that has literally been offered one million times on this board
.....wait for it
....this us "youge"
ASK HER OUT DIP SHIT
>>17222969
Texting, mainly. Whenever we text, we both take a couple of minutes to respond to each other. To be fair, I am usually the one that starts taking time (on purpose); but still, if she also had feelings for me, she would respond in a fast manner.
Although I do the same, I suppose. But still.
>>17222973
That would just jeopardize our relationship, silly anon. And we have gone out before, but telling her what my feelings are is completely different.
And here I thought that college was going to be different from high school.
