Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 474. page
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Background
>Date 9 months
>She works overseas 2 months
>She works 1 month out of state
>Flies in today (I bought her tickets)
>I maintained her house the past 3 months and ran errands like cray for her
>She is borrowing several hundred from me and is going to pay me back this weekend. She also has borrowed money money from me in the past, and has been paying me back for it.
She doesn't like to text and is independent. The other day she text me something sweet then tells me she is going to get drinks with a girlfriend. I send a follow up text. 8+ hours later (around 2am) I send a text asking if she is still out. Then another text saying I figured she'd text me throughout the day and saw she didnt and was going to bed.
Next morning she text me sarcastically that no she was no longer out and she was cheating on me with her girlfriend. I give her a call and she annoyingly explains whenever she is 1:1 with her friends she isn't going to give me status updates throughout the day. That she went with her friend for drinks, rode a train, had dinner with her mom and went to bed.
I said ok, cool to that. I asked when she comes back if she'd like to do dinner this weekend. She said yes. What annoyed me was she was telling me about how her friend's boyfriend has a new job and they are taking July 4th weekend off to go to another country. I said cool to that and said I get that weekend off. She shot back and said "It means more he gets this weekend off" as "he actually has to go to the office to work unlike you. You get half days off working from home." -- I work in software company and get to WFH. I explained to her I do not "get half days off" and only mentioned me getting that weekend off is because I wanted to do something with her. She said she hated planning that far ahead and said she is broke and can't do a vacation. I said that's fine, I'd just take her out to dinner Saturday.. still this pissed me off. But we ended on a good note.
PART II next
>>17254480
Then later that day something broke in her house. I called a repairman and he had it fixed. I paid him out of pocket and she said she'd pay me back for it this weekend when she's back.
I texted her asking if she'd like to go to X or Y restaurant Saturday. 6+ hours she didn't reply, but saw she was on/off facebook. I sent a followup reply 6+ hours later. She didn't reply but an hr after I sent the message she made a facebook status & stayed on fb a while. I messaged her on fb (not text) made small talk then asked if she got my text about dinner (which was then 7+ hours ago).
She said yes, she was busy and didn't reply. She said her final day in the city (before flying here) was hectic. She said dinner is 4 days away and she can't think about Saturday. That I should wait to make reservations when she is back. I said 'I see'. 'Ok'. and ended the convo.
Am I doing anything wrong here? I am picking her up later tonight and a friend of her's is cooking us dinner, so after I pick her up I'm taking her out for that. Haven't seen her in 3 months and I've accomdated her by not texting her for 2-3 days at a time. But she is very sparse on talking. We would facetime daily for 15-30 mins and text throughout most days but I felt ignored by her a lot.
Additionally, I am suppose to vemo her money that she is to borrow (the one is she going to pay me back this weekend). But I haven't done it yet cause she pissed me off yesterday. She said she'd pay me back for the repairman and other money I'm vemoing her this weekend.
But I will end up doing it later today.
Am I being unreasonable with my gf? How should I act around her today when I see her for the first time?
I will go straight to the point. Dump her. She doesnt seem very interested in you and the relationship doesnt seem to be going anywhere from what I read.
So, my advice is to wait until she comes back, talk to her, make sure she gives your money back, and basing you on her behavior, take a decision.
>>17254491
Thanks for the response. What makes you think she isn't very interested? I thought it was just me.
I don't WANT to jump to conclusions because once she went out of state to work for 2 weeks and she did the EXACT same thing for those 2 weeks. I flew to see her for about 5 weeks and those 5 weeks went really well and we were back to 'normal'. She's done this at least one other time when she was away for a week.
I don't want to jump to conclusions so I will see how she behaves when she is back. See if she is into me physically, see how much she likes being around me, see if she bitches at me or if she is nice to me, etc.
If she makes a big deal out of dinner and doesn't act physically/emotionally interested in me within the next week then I'm dumping her. But will give her a chance .
ITT: Post your best tips for human interactions
Lets start off with a list of 192
http://modernmachiavelli.com/psychological-manipulation-techniques/
>>17254479
Some of that is really cringy...
Interact with people.
Hey so this is probably going to be a bit rough and written badly but bare with me. I'm going to change some details around but you'll get the gist
So I'm in a sticky situation.
>Be in primary school (Where it started)
>New kid comes
>We slowly become friends
>He's considerably more popular then me (Yeah I know we're like 10, who cares)
>He starts to bully me constantly but I stay friends with him because it's a small school and I have no other friends
>He comes over to my house
>Humiliates me consistently. He was would message girls with my laptop saying stupid things
>Get other people to hate me as well
>Sometimes when he comes over he plays rough
>Hits me, slaps me and what not
>I'm just a kid, very, very shy so I let him be friends because sometimes he's nice to me
>He confesses to me that he's bi (Keep in mind we're like 11)
>I think nothing of it, treat him no differently
Cont.
>He starts to come over more
>Starts sleeping over
>While sleeping over, he starts touching me
>Very subtle, rubbing, slowly moving his hands over me
>Gets more rough, puts his hands down my shirt
>When this happens, I go into shock, at the time I just couldn't comprehend it
>As I look back, I blacked out a lot of memories
>This happened frequently, I would just go limp while he touched me
>He'd sometimes would slowly edge towards my penis, and just rest his hand on my public hair and feel it
>Sometimes I would make noises, like yelping and resist and he'd hit me, get annoyed
>When my parents would walk towards my room, he'd jump away
>My parents comment on his frantic movements, they find them strange, they think he's just shy or a bit strange
>I'd sometimes say to him that I didn't want to go to his place or that I didn't want to see him
>He'd make a joke out of it saying "I won't touch you, lol" or "no rape, i promise!"
>I'd always would give in after a few weeks of being friends and it would happen again
>This continued for years
Fast forward
Cont.
>I'm 21 now
>At work, doing mindless repetitive tasks
>Thoughts always wonder off as what I'm doing is so boring and my mind is all I have to occupy myself
>Realise that what he'd done to me many years ago was sexual abuse
>Before then I always pictured sexual abuse as something out of the scene of irreversible (Brutal, forceful penetration, beating etc)
>As I'm going home it all floods back with this perspective
>Start feeling sick to my stomach
>I can barely see, I'm in total shock
>It's warm outside but I feel so cold
>everyone around me looks like they want to do me harm
>Confide in a friend
>he tells me to go to a therapist instantly
>I go, she is really bad but it's all I can do without telling my parents which I absolutely can not do
>End up stopping therapy as I didn't connect with her at all (I went to 4 sessions, it wasn't helping at all. She'd schedule appointments for 30 minutes every 3 weeks.
>30 minutes every 3 weeks can not undo years of trauma
>Friend I confided to finds the whole situation very awkward
>We never speak about it
I feel like such a freak. I can't talk to anyone about this. My head is going to explode. I forget about it for a month or so but it all just keeps flooding back and I feel completely sick.
I have noone to talk to, nothing to truly alleviate this pain. The most horribly part is that I know for a fact that the experiences I faced have shaped me as person and that I'll never be able to change that.
I'm just fucked up /adv/, what do I do?
I've recently found out that my girlfriend thinks we haven't been spending enough time together, our love life has been on the decline qnd in general she has not been happy for a few months. We have been living together for 6 months and been together 3 years. She is a very sensitive girl and when it comes down to things like cheating she would go as far to say speaking to another girl would be cheating.
She had met a guy from work a while a go and I found out today - instantly assuming she has been cheating . She explained to me yesterday how upset she is all what's wrong etc and we are starting from today to amend it , however I found her snap chatting another guy because I'm a snoop and had suspicions. Seems to be just flirty messages and council img kind of thing so I brought it up with her and her response is that she has been confiding in him to talk as he's in a similar situation - and that the furthest it's got is flirty which doesn't mean anything but basically that he's helped her and given her advice saying she should do this or that to make our relationship better.
Am I wrong to instantly think she's cheating , she insists she is not and is devastated that something like this could end it ... All the same I love you stuff.
From her view if I did that with a girl she would almost undoubtably break up with me, and shed consider it cheating and this is where my problem is -
Do I break up with her, is she lying ? How do I know that if I stayed with he she wouldn't keep speaking to him or think about him... She insists she only wants us and it's because she was depressed and she's upset that she's done it and feels bad but she is determined they have not slept together - not even kissed .
I'm lost because I genuinely do love her qnd want to be with her forever but my trust is almost gone ... What should I do? Feel free to ask further questions.
>>17254443
Tell her to think of how she would feel in your situation, and that you don't want her to talk to him.
Don't be passive, tell her what you want and why, if that isn't enough to convince her you need to move on.
What she's doing is "emotional cheating" - no, she hasn't been sexting or sending nudes or hooking up behind your back, but she's seeking attention from someone else because she's feeling unfulfilled in the relationship. I would definitely put your foot down and tell her to stop talking with this guy, but you're also going to have to figure out what it is she's missing with you and work on it. You can't expect her to stop talking to other people and make no changes or else she's going to do it again.
>>17254579
>>17254586
I understand what you mean and I had planned action for that , I want to make her happy but my point is that I didn't realise how unhappy she was... How am I going to know she won't do This again I want her to be honest with me ... I know she will stop talking to him as she does seem upset she did ... But it lasted months
Why I am pissed off at how can anyone excel academically and actually be smart?
See, many smart kids love being educated, love classic literature, theatre, are polite, recite poems.
And then I just see fucking crazy shit like 17yo math prodigies who literally constantly swear, don't read/watch anything (or strictly pretentious 2deep4u shit like human centipede) and drink like hell. Some are girls. Or another example people who want to be scientists in good uni who believe that nobel prize laureate is a person who was nominated and didn't get it. Or don't know some other basic stuff they should know.
Maybe i'm an asshole moralfag but listening to a 17 year old girl happily bragging about how old professors taught her how to drink lots of vodka and smoke while swearing after every word terrified the shit out of me. And she was a really great physics student.
So in the end intelligence has nothing to do with culture level it is an independent value based on interest and willingness to work.
Am I moralfag or delusional if this seems like degradation to me? Was it always like that?
There have always been pretty eccentric great scientists, promiscuous, drunkards, assholes, but it couldn't have been that bad.
Also, do you think a person should focus on what he does best and some things he likes and disregard everything else to benefit society most?
Is it a good thing that people give zero shits about anything else apart from their lives maybe?
Is it pointless to evenly educate yourself then?
>>17254423
>Was it always like that?
Yes.
Intelligence has always been associated with eccentricity and downright insanity because the more complex and powerful one's mind is, the more things that can go horribly wrong.
>>17254427
It's less about eccentricity and being like your regular chad, stacey, horribly pretentious facebook girl/boy.
It must be the media that i would easily accept people being eccentric, but i get disappointed when they don't fit to my standards.
It's some immaturity, i'm still young. Still remember when my first expectations of meeting with people who do science didn't match tremendously.
You are right, people are people, hard work and abilities have nothing to do with anything else.
Then being a misunderstood drunkard is a completely neutral feature. Saying that "smart people drink more to get away from retards" is edgy and there are lots of dumb ego maniacs who justify their habits this way.
Character traits and habits are then neutral to intelligence level.
So are all prejudices wrong?
>>17254423
>So in the end intelligence has nothing to do with culture level it is an independent value
Yes.
>Am I moralfag or delusional if this seems like degradation to me? Was it always like that?
Yes and yes.
Why should smart people be more moral or more conservative or less interested in drugs? Why do you make that connection in your mind? Why does it matter that "some are girls?"
I am curious. I am 26 and sexless and have not had a relationship. I notice a lot of my friends have had sex and relationships and seem happy. I however, am super bitter and angry.
I hate that I can't attract a female. Female attraction is so fickle. I need help.
I sometimes feel as if my health is far worse than it seems. Self esteem is shit. Confidence is shit. Ego is fragile. Help
Being bitter and angry will drive them away.
Also come to terms with the fact that you still have 40+ years left to get laid and sex isnt the be all and end all of life
>>17254421
It's not just the sex. It honestly feels like if you get to your mid 30s and had no sex... You are fucked. Probably means you have no kids too. I basically feel like I am old and have done nothing. Despite being only 26.
>>17254417
This but 25
I'm a goddamn 19 y/o bisexual chick; virgin, kiss-less, date-less, relationship-less and devastatingly shy. Talking to people scares me, and not just strangers. Also people I've known and talked to and been friendly with in the past.
It never used to bother me but lately since I've been back at uni I feel so inadequate regarding dating and sex and all that jazz. The idea of casual sex and dating for the hell of it really does not interest me at all. I'd prefer a meaningful and long-term relationship. I want to talk to people and meet people. I want to, but as I said, I'm pretty socially anxious.
There is a girl I really like (we're already friends and yes she's into girls), but because I've never done any of this before I have no idea about the social conventions of it all. I've been planning to ask her out but just fuckin how do you do that shit? What words do I use? How do I deal with the likely rejection (even if she says no, I'll be able to say I asked someone out for the first time)?
tl;dr: how can I stop being so fucking shy?
Dont be afraid of the rejection. Its more normal than you think.
If you already know her, ask her out then. Ask her if shes up for hanging out at x day at y time, if she accepts, great. If not, keep on fishing, its that simple really.
One thing, be yourself and dont be scared, theres no reason to be after all.
Good luck sis.
>>17254426
Thanks, bro.
Asking her is the first step which I can probably manage. I think I've prepared less for if she actually accepts. What do you even do on a date? I'm just that sad.
>>17254434
You just talk, and be yourself. Try to know your partner better by just talking to her. If shes likes you, you will notice it.
Dont overthink it too much, the date would flow on its own pace, just worry about enjoying it if it happens and nice things might happen!
A cute oriental girl works in my local fish and chip shop, she looks around 21 and im 25
Shes so beautiful and I want to take her out but dont know how to ask.
We nevrr had a proper conversation, when I walk in shes always on her phone untillll I tell her my order, then she makes the order and thats it finished, no time to talk
What do? British btw
>>17254365
>when I walk in shes always on her phone untillll I tell her my order, then she makes the order and thats it finished, no time to talk
I would say avoid anyway, but this is certainly a sign she's not interested.
Don't make it awkward for all the times you have to deal with her in the future.
>>17254371
He can go to another chip shop
>>17254365
>asian
wew
>>17254365
>A cute oriental girl
Stopped there...
Who the fuck says "oriental" these days?
Never say that, OP. You'll probably trigger someone for sounding like you were born well before the vietnam war.
Just say Asian if you don't know their specific race.
Am I a psychopath or something?
I recently saw the expendables and there was a scene were Stallone handed over a CIA file with a war criminal and inside it showed a picture of dead bodies, while everyone felt disgusted I felt nothing
And I was playing arma 3 iron front mod yesterday
I was playing a mission where you executed partisans
Also I keep having these bad thoughts about death, I don't know that comes into my mind, I just, I don't know
Is there anything wrong with me?
I really can't go to a therapist for this, I just want to ensure that I'm a normal person and not a fucking weirdo
You're an edgy kid. Media means nothing. Be worried when you start killing pets.
>Doesn't feel disgusted or shocked with fictional situations.
>Am I crazy?
Ask this question again when you walk down the street and watch someone get stabbed in front of you and just go "meh" and keep walking without calling for help or checking if they're ok.
>>17254349
That's pretty fucking up
But what if I ever think about me doing it (not thinking that "I should do it" but just in a dream-kind-of-way where I see myself doing it)
How do I make my dick bigger?
Well, the first thing you probably want to do is measure it, to see how much penis you actually have (its limp length, limp girth, erect length, erect girth; all of it). After a while of doing the method you can measure it again to see if it worked,
Method:
1. Lubricate it.
2. Remove pubic hair because it will cause irritation.
3. Warm it up by wetting a short towel with hot water and holding it around your dick for 2 minutes. Repeat this 3 times then dry yourself off.
4.To warm down, massage it for 2-3 minutes. Make sure it is still limp.
This should help you grow some inches. I haven't tried it but it's worth a try.
Here's the link for more detailed steps, different methods and more information.
http://getbiggerpenisnaturally.com/
If there was any way at all to make your dick bigger, small penises wouldn't exist
>>17254338
idk people are so insecure about dicksize. I suppose I don't know shit since I have a decent dick. above average but not freakish. Most girls I talk to like average. Just gotta get good at fuckin'
How do I stop being asexual?
I'm not 100% sure I am, but the thought of having sex is always scary to me and I always pray my gf doesn't ask for it. Also, it's not her fault cause this happened with all my gfs. I don't really fully admit it to myself that I'm asexual because I masturbate a lot to fetishes, I've had sex (insanely difficult and stressful to stay hard), and I don't know, it's not really a reality I'm comfortable to accept without definite proof. But still, how can I care about sex? Thoughs, stories, advice, similar stories?
>>17254335
You're not asexual, you have some serious issues though.
Go see a doctor. There are medications that can help with this, as well as therapy.
>>17254368
What the fuck do you know about shit?
>>17254382
>>17254335
an asexual doesn't masturbate or have any sexual desires, like a fetish or so. they are plain and simple not turned on by anything.
so you're not asexual but you should try stop masturbating and maybe talking with someone like a doctor or a therapist about your problem, cause it is most likely something that can be fixed.
Advise req guys and girls
Dating a virgin for almost a month now.
Aiming to make her more sexually comfortable.
Been able to give and receive oral and hand stuff but not sealed the deal.
Her friends and even her parents have said they like me and are surprised we havnt had sex yet.
What can i do to get her more prepared mentally?
I compliment her alot and guve her plenty of attention but i get the impression i need to make a commitment or sign of which to get things to progress?
I think this could be long term so how long should i wait before i bring it up etc?
Thanks.
Open to questions...
You talked to her parents about how you haven't had sex yet?
>>17254316
I guess most simple way ti figure this out is to just ask her if she feels comfortable doing these things yet. Ofc as someone whos been virgin for long time I felt I needed to see if hes commited to me and I can trust him. Maybe make a very romantic date with no hints of sex or anything like that. Be sweet and give her gifts. Maybe eventually you can bring some vine in the play wich can make her more easy. But ofc its all up to her. If shes young I think you will have to wait and prove her longer than if shes in midd 20's.
>>17254326
Her parents and friend told her they were surprised and she should go for it...then she told me...
>>17254328
Im 25 shes 20...
I dont wanna get her drunk n take advantage but she does get more kinky when shes had a drink or two...
I guess she wants trust and commitment but how long are we talking? Is it evil that waiting for 3 months or more is too long?
What the fuck is this?
How do I treat this?
I noticed this two weeks ago. It started out as something like miniature pimples that I couldn't pop.
Now it developed into something like fucking snake skin that I can get off if I rub it hard enough, but it leaves a burning area that is either red or orange.
Also, from time to time it's itching like a motherfucker.
Is this an early form of psoriasis?
>>17254304
looks like some dry ass skin, I would lube that sucker up with lotion for a month and if doesn't get better see a dermatologist
>>17254304
Could be scabies, they usually start on hands and fingers. Do they hurt? Are pimples full of transparent liquid? Is it itchy? Then it could be scabies. It usually goes away in few weeks.
>>17254304
I'm not absolutely sure, but I think it's called a "hand".
How do I tell if someone's nice to me because he's interested in me or if he's just nice to everyone?
>>17254279
keep talking to him and eventually you'll figure it out
if you can't (or you're impatient) just ask him out
>>17254373
How do you tell?
How do I tell if a girl likes me or is just be nice?
>be with gf for 2.5 Years
>had argument 6 months ago
>still refuses to add me on fb or just dosent accept
Why would this be? Is she embarrassed?
Legit noone has a say?
>>17254273
How bad was the argument OP?
>>17254407
We always argue mainly because I refuse to let her control and manipulate me, we blocked a friended eachother heaps of times but she's the one usually animating the block orn unfriending
