Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 483. page
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This is probably more of a guy question but here it goes. How do you take yourself less seriously, while also not letting other people disrespect/bully you?
I came to a realization lately that I take myself way too seriously, and thats the cause of a lot of my problems in life. If someone insults me, I am quick to get defensive and very angry. I can't talk to girls cause I'm too afraid of embarrassing myself. If I make a mistake, I feel like a failure. Stuff like that.
Lately I've been taking myself less seriously, living life in a more lighthearted manner, laughing at my mistakes, even making some self-deprecating jokes about my weak social skills. And I gotta say, I feel a lot better most of the time with this new mentality.
Here's the biggest issue I see with it though. I don't want to become bait for assholes to pick on by appearing too "soft".
I want to become better at not taking banter too personally, but where do I draw a line? And when I do need to draw a line, how do I tell someone they're going to far? At what point is it acceptable to shove someone or throw a punch? I hope it never gets physical, but sometimes that is an inevitable last resort.
Self-deprecate yourself, what you've already taken the piss out of they can't take the piss out of. Also offense is the best defense,if they say something you didn't like start taking the piss out of them. Requires a modicum of intellect and not giving a shit though.
You should never need to throw the first punch, if you do it right since you'll wreck their confidence by hitting their weak spots in a way that doesn't allow them to respond without seeming like a cunt
>if someone insults me i get defensive and angry
why wouldnt you? to not care if someone striaght up insults you is being a pushover pussy bitch.
the thing is you can't try to 'justify' yourself. if someone insults you, insult them back, with a smile on your face. dont show that it hurt, just show that its annoying.
>talk to girl
>make a mistake
stop thinking of girls as video games. cuz thats what you are doing. you are acting like there is a fatality you have to perform to win, like a certain number of correct buttons will lead to a special cutscene or cheat code.
there isn't. you could be the most amazing alpha wonderful person in the world, say all the 'right things' and a girl will still be like 'nah not my type' simply cuz chemistry, or shes no nher period, or shes hungry, or shes already interested in someone else.
just cuz a girl doesnt want to get with you doesnt mean you did something wrong. it just means she wasnt interested.
think of it this way
>my mom cooks lasagna
>its considered the greatest lasagna on the island
>people pay her to make it for their birthdays
>me personally i love all her cooking except her lasagna
>have literally never had any kidn of lasagna, premade or otherwise that i liked.
>makes me gag every time
>yet she takes personal offense, as if she did something wrong despite everyone else liking her lasagna
its not her fault. she did nothing wrong. i simply dont like lasagna.
you are lasagna op. it doesnt matter if a girl doesnt like your lasagna. you go be the best lasagna you can be.
worst case scenario a girl isnt interested and your life is no different than it was an hour ago.
>>17251956
>>17252030
now, back to people insulting you. how often does this happen?
here is the thing, if its something that cant be helped, they are an asshole. say something mean about them, then just move on. not worth your time.
if you feel they are correct, still insiult them back, but go home and write it down. is it something you can fix? a girl once said i have a bit of a 'beer belly'. i was only 100 pounds, but yeah i was skinny fat. so now i go to the gym and am working to improve.
decide whats okay and not okay.
This is probably a common problem, recently I started going out with this 11/10 qt3.14 and I really like her. The problem is that when we talk it gets really awkward because we have been friends for a really long time and flirting/being in a relationship seems weird and different. What do I do?
how long have you been going out?
>>17251998
Not very long, around a week, its just ive liked this girl for a really long time and it is disheartening for it to be this awkward when we talk
I have a similar problem anyone out there?
I have a problem that I get the feeling is not too uncommon so I'm hoping someone here can help.
4 months ago I proposed and my now fiancée accepted. We had discussed marriage before, but never this one specific issue until recently. She is refusing the change her surname.
Her surname is Robertson, so not something rare that desperately needs preserving, and mine is Oxnard, not something completely hideous and unbearable. For me this is a dealbreaker. She said that the idea of a woman changing her surname seems like the man 'owns' her, and is refusing to budge.
I've already told her that if this really is such a big deal for her, I'm happy to call off the marriage and just remain cohabiting, but now she is upset. Ultimately I would like either one of two things.
>A, We marry and she takes my name
or
>B, We remain cohabiting.
Now she wants none of those two.
Why do you want her to change her last name to yours so badly?
I'm a female and I will never change my last name when I get married.
oxnard is a pretty shit surname, OP. If i were her I wouldn't change my last name to yours either.
>>17251907
Because having the same name is part of being a family.
I've been getting more and more put off by marriage with each passing day though, and now I'm thinking if she won't even give me this, what is the point?
>>17251915
It's uncommon but not horrendous, I've never been mocked for it.
And what's the deal with eating pussy? She absolutely loves it but it seems to give me an upset stomach/sick feeling
>>17251865
I don't think you're accustomed to the taste and/or scent
It's a little different, I agree, but a major turn-on
>>17251875
You might be on to something, I do t mind the taste, but the smell isn't the best so maybe that's why. The first time I did it I could have got the flu or something I was feeling so bad, now I'm just feeling hubgry, but with no appetite
>>17251883
Tell her to shower before getting it on (or shower together)
See if that helps
Maybe you just went down at a bad time
How to stop beeing afraid of sex?
Unlike in those cases of 22 year old kissless virgins I have no trouble with my looks, with talking to grirls(working as a chef and im meeting alot of waitress girls, their friends), I have big, clean, quiet room with king sized bed close to city centre, more than enough money, good clothes, phone. I even had girls sending messages to me 1st/inviting me places but I for some reason always pussy out when i feel its going where its going. All friends and people at work think that im just having break from sex.
I had girlfriends before, broke up as we didnt have sex even when sleeping together.
I think its caused by the fear. Fear that a girl expects me to be good in bed when i have no idea what im doing. I dont even mind straight telling them that but i dont know if it will help.
Today i was going to meet one of those girls from work, we both have day off but..i just got scared.
Should I just call a prostitue? I have cash for that and once might be enought to break through, I mean, I hope it is.
Pic unrelated, I just like this angle.
I had the same issue and going to a prostitute didn't help
what helped was finding a gf and building confidence through experience
>>17251859
Get a girlfriend. If she is a good person then she should be understanding. Girls have hit me up all throughout my entire life, but I didn't lose my virginity until I was 22 because I was afraid of doing it.
The first time I did anything sexual, I was so nervous that I was shaking. After having sex a few times, I was told that I was the best that she has ever had.
Do you have any deeply rooted concerns or insecurities about yourself that keep you from doing it?
Same boat, fucking sucks bro.
I feel really confident and all then I start thinking "what if?" and pussy out then we end up cuddling or something.
I've come to the point where I don't even care about sex anymore, it's nothing I wish for, I've had so many opportunities and I've blown all of them.
I just want a gf to do stuff and spend time together with but once I fuck up the sex they think that I'm not interested and just moves on.
I am in a relationship with my gf who i find attractive and we get on perfectly, however she has an out of shape body and is quite vanilla and always sticks to the usual sex routine
I lost my virginity to her 3 years ago (I am 24 she is 22) and cant help but feel like i am missing out, I am looking for porn tier sex; anal, 3somes, even daddy daughter role play and all kinds of shit the average 4chan user is into.
I am always trying to be experimental but she doesnt feel the same way, this is summed up by our anal experiences, she cant even handle/enjoy a finger while I have let her put anything she wants in me and I would probably let her peg me, anal is becoming like an itch i need to scratch, seriously wanted to do it for as long as I can remember.
Is it realistic to expect this kind of thing from a relationship? In my frustration I cant help but look at other women and want to go swinging have threesomes etc but she would never allow it, what should I do?
I feel like it won't last unless she is willing to do something. I've had gfs that say they don't want anal but might be OK with swallowing or feet stuff or submissive things. She has to have some kind of kink but maybe doesn't know it.
You should try talking to her about the way you feel. Crazy, I know.
In the same boat as you OP. Explain what you want and see if she'll open up to some things. However anal is a do or don't thing on some girls, if she doesn't like a finger she will probably never ever enjoy it.
So I confessed to my best friend and roommate that I liked her and now I'm not sure what is even going on anymore.
The whole story is that I recently moved in as her roommate to get away from my parents, she helped me get through my depression and overall made my life better in every conceivable way. I've had suicidal thoughts for a long while until she helped me through it. I liked her for the longest time since she was the best thing to ever happen to me but she had a boyfriend who was long distance.
I only met the guy once and he was pretty cool. Anyways, I always wanted to tell her how I felt but was afraid it would damage the friendship we had together, so I always kept my mouth shut and told myself that just being her friend is enough for me.
Now, I knew in my gut I wouldn't be her roommate forever. She has a boyfriend far far away she'd eventually move in with so I always prepared for the day we'd have to say goodbye. But I also knew I would have regrets on never telling her how I really felt about her. Naturally, later on her boyfriend did eventually start conversations with her about getting her to move out and live with him, but she was always hesitant because she said that moving out would mean leaving behind everything here. She'd also have to go through immigration shit and get papers done and even after that she'd have to look for a completely new job. There was a lot on her mind and she was not sure if everything would work out despite the fact she really wanted to be with him. I supported her every step of the way, as I was one of the reasons she didn't want to move out immediately (she was not sure about how I'd do once she left, if I would be okay by myself). I just didn't want her saying goodbyes to be difficult for her.
After a while her boyfriend started getting impatient, I don't know the exact details but she told me something I thought would never happen: her boyfriend broke up with her.
More on next post
>>17251734
She was absolutely devastated. She told me she had messaged him a lot begging him in hopes to work something out but he refused every single time. I did what I could to make life easier on her, but she'd always eventually space off just trying to cope with the breakup. Deep down though I felt a little happy that they had broken up and I felt bad for feeling that way. Isn't it a little wrong to be happy that her best friend of whom you feel strongly for is now a complete emotional wreck because her boyfriend broke up with her instead of being there for her as support?
Eventually though I caved in. After a month I told myself I don't get another chance like this fucking ever so I went and told her how I felt about her. I had doubts in my mind that she'd ever have the same feelings I do so I wasn't exactly confessing hoping she'd date me, but rather I confessed so that she would reject me and I could move on with my life. Things got a little awkward for a while, especially since we were roommates but strangely enough she didn't tell me anything anywhere close to that of a rejection. She said she didn't have an answer and would tell me later. For a while I thought she was just trying to find a nice way of saying that she didn't like me that way and would just like to stay friend, so I was always just trying to tell her that I'm fine if she didn't like me. But she just told me to wait for her to come up with an answer.
>>17251736
Eventually, after a long while she told me something I couldn't really believe. She told me she liked me back. But she also has lingering feelings for her ex-boyfriend and didn't want to hurt my feelings because of that. Even more, her ex boyfriend wants to get back together again, saying that he regretted breaking up with her. The cherry on top is that her ex boyfriend wanted to get back together BECAUSE I confessed. She told me that after I confessed, she told her ex-boyfriend about it (just to let him know and stuff), and then right after that he said he regretted breaking up and wanted to get back together.
He still wants her to move in with him, naturally. But the same problem remains, which is moving out. She has a job here, and she has friends, and she has me. Moving out would mean leaving all that behind her and starting a brand new life. She said that her family used to move a lot and she didn't quite like the experience of always having to start a new life somewhere else and leaving friends behind, so the thought of moving in with her boyfriend always brought in hesitation.
She also had worries of whether her relationship with her boyfriend would work out after a while. She didn't have this worry before, but after the breakup she just didn't want to have her heart played with again. She was worried if she would still make him happy and stuff like that. So for about two months she's been thinking literally every day about whether to move out or stay here. I didn't try to do anything that would sway her decision, since I didn't think that would be right of me to do so, and always supported her decision to move out instead, and constantly telling her I'd be fine with that if that's what would make her happy.
>>17251750
She's had a hard time deciding because she didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, even though I constantly tell her I'd be okay she still wasn't sure on what to do. She's basically deciding a large part of her life, at least that's what she told me anyways. Deep down I wanted her to stay, but with how she was and everything, putting my wants before the person I loved would be selfish. Every time I told her I'd support her if she moved out I felt like I was taking a gun and shooting myself in the foot, but I felt like it was the right thing to do. She's done a lot for me, a fucking lot. So I really wouldn't have minded if she moved out.
After the longest time she finally decided to come up with her answer. She felt like it would go on forever if she didn't decide, because she always kept going back and forth on whether to move or stay. So she finally decided to ultimately stay. She likes living here and she felt like she was actually making something for her life here. She also said I make her happy and to leave all this behind just for an uncertain future isn't worth it. But she was also devastated because this would mean hurting her ex-boyfriend's feelings. Even though she made a decision she's still emotionally wounded and I feel bad personally that she decided to stay, because I myself is unsure if I'd be able to make her happy all the time, what with all the personal problems I have and the fact she has to help me through it all the time.
She's always asking if she was a bad person for choosing something that she wanted. and she's always asking if she made the right choice, if staying here was the wrong choice. I keep telling her there was no right nor wrong choice but personally I don't even fucking know myself. It feels weird for my best friend to decide to stay here with me instead of moving out to stay with the guy she's literally been with for the longest time (albeit long distance).
hi guys and girls, i have a few problems i hope you can helb me with. a bit of back story, im p much a massive loser but ive started going to social events with that 'meetup' website in the past few months, meeting new people and getting out etc. which is good, however theres a few issues you might be able to give me some ideas for
1. dance moves? oftentimes these things end up in a club or somewhere where there is dancing for whatever reason, standard club gyrating and hand waving stuff. i dont really have any special moves apart from making the girl twirl, so you guys know any good ones? im aiming for fairly tasteful stuff that is still sexual (as any dancing is) but nothing particularly gropey or aggressive (i have no problem talking to and making contact with girls, i just dont feel being so unsubtle is appropriate)
2. theres a girl i like in the group but im concerned that making a move on her will bomb said group. im not worried about getting rejected as im used to it now, but i dont really want to cause a rift in the group, get a rep as 'that guy', make her not want to come anymore or stop getting invited because i rocked the boat. so basically, is it a good idea to ask girls in a friendship group out, or should you go for peripheral people, like friends of said girls or randoms or whatever?
3. confusion about my own feelings. i am an incredibly lonely version, especially in the romantic area which is why i started making a lot of changes these past few months, like going to the gym and these meetups. i feel miserable that i have no one, that no one wants to be involved with me. this is probably the single biggest motivating factor in my life at this time. however, after jacking off that all goes away and i just feel fine, no crushing existentialism. based off of this, do i really want a gf or is something else going on, like a last hormonal gasp?
picture is not related
someone must have some ideas?
can anyone else even see this?
>>17252242
>2242â–¶
>can anyone else even see this?
yeh
Girlfriend just recently broke up with me and just inherited some money due to a death in the family (i know right? perfect fucking timing) and due to it being half a million I've decided I'll just buy a condo at Myrtle Beach.
I've already found one around 150k on the beach with an HOA fee that covers all utilities. I just wanted to know if anyone else has had a similar situation and wanted to know your max spending budget per month.
Are you buying this as a vacation property or a primary residence?
primary residence. I was planning on moving to the beach within five years but now just seems like a perfect fucking time.
>>17251739
Get a job there first if you can. It'll help to have it lined up for you, otherwise you'll end up burning through your inheritance much faster than you'd like. Half a million is not a lot of money.
How do I deal with the fact that no one in the world has the same memories as me and lived through the same experiences as me? It makes me feel so crushingly lonely.
Is this 5cm per second pic?
You should appreciate how unique you are and that you can learn about different experiences from different people and share yours.
Be interested in external world m8
>>17251651
You start by realizing that you're not special. Sure, your experience is yours alone. That doesn't mean that you can't share in that with others and make connections.
>>17251662
Dunno, just a random pic I had in my folder
>Be interested in external world m8
Well that's the thing, I'm not. Maybe I'm just selfish but I don't care about other people's experiences, they can be interesting to listen to but they feel alien to me, I can't relate to them.
Also I'm not unique, just a random normie. But no matter how similar another person's experiences may be to my own, if they are not the exact same (as in, we experienced them together) I don't care for that person.
I have this strong desire to find my childhood acquaintances again, but I don't care at all for forging new connections with new people.
>>17251665
I know. But for some reason I still have no motivation to connect with anyone except people from my memories. I could feign interest but that feels shallow.
Do guys avoid girls with issues? That "don't stick your dick in crazy rule".
I have had a bitchy arrogant ambitious attitude till age of 21, then smth close to depression (cuz numerous failures) and i guess i got better. People i knew still think i'm crazy. I am embarassed and guilty to talk with them for that reason.
Do i have a chance to prove that i'm a functional individual now?
Picrelated if you know who this is but much less attention seeking.
>>17251626
>Do guys avoid girls with issues? That "don't stick your dick in crazy rule".
I didn't use to but after coming to /adv/ for the last 3 years it's a way of life now.
>>17251626
You didn't explain who "them" was.
But yes, people with any kind of standards tend to avoid crazy dysfunctional people in general. How is this not common sense to you?
Also of course you have the chance to get back on the rails and be a person, unless you're seriously fucked in the head beyond repair/retarded, you can work it out.
>>17251648
Okay, thanks anon
And how long will it take for people to treat me as sane?
My new acquaintances think i'm normal, not an angry autist.
Long story short, my friend thinks he's a wizard, no joke. He refuses to call himself his normal name and now calls himself the "Dark Seal Master" He now runs around refers to others as "foolish humans" and trying to cast spells on people. Please for the love of god help me before he makes me commit seppuku.
>>17251625
Are you oppressing him by not using proper transwizard pronouns? You have no idea what it's like to feel like you belong in a wizards body. And if he looks and acts like a wizard, what's the big deal? just let him be and call him a wizard, let him express his true feelings.
I decided to go through with my transformation into a unicorn a few months ago and since then it's been very hard dealing with people who think I have some kind of dysphoria and can't properly assess reality and facts from my own absurd imagination and childish feelings. We should be doing more to support transwizard and transicorn rights and raising awareness so cis-scum like you can stop oppressing us. Fuck you.
>>17251625
How old is he?
>>17251625
Git out, summer scum.
Good afternoon /adv/,
I'm a little sick of American politics and especially American media. I've joked around before about moving to Canada if things don't pan out positively here, and in light of recent events in this country and he inevitability of electing either an idiot or a lying criminal to be our national leader, I'm unfortunately considering that joke a little more seriously.
So my question is 1) to any Canadafags reading, especially ones that have successfully emigrated there, is it worth it? Where are nice areas to live that have good technical job markets? I was thinking Toronto suburbs since I'm in northeast US and would still be somewhat near my family.
2) How do you go about the process of entering and getting citizenship? I know unless you argue for skilled labor r something you can't get immediate residency, but since I have a degree and work in IT would I qualify? if not, is working/living under a work visa in Canada doable?
Thanks all, any other advice on not living in this country anymore also much appreciated.
>>17251588
Nobody wants your disgusting american fat smelly fifth in their country. Stay in your hell hole and do not bring any of your garbage to countries that are not already fucked.
I remember reading an article about how every US election year the amount of traffic on the Canadian immigration site skyrockets. This is your first voting age election year isn't it?
>>17251598
I wouldn't want Americans either, but I like to think I don't belong in the degeneracy pit.
>>17251599
second election.
I've got stomach ulcers and my doctor said it might be stress related.
I'm a kissless virgin and I feel like that's a large source of anxiety, and pretty much everything else in my life is fine. So, I was thinking of going to an Asian massage parlor or something.
I'm conflicted though because I feel like paying to fuck or even getting a handjob would be irredeemably pathetic though. Anyone else gone through with this? Any advice?
It's bacterial, and sex wont help you at all.
get a girlfriend you stupid faggot.
>>17251586
before you decide on an asian rub n tug you should do some research and learn about how most of them are forced into having sex with strangers to pay off the human traffickers and by paying for it you're supporting human trafficking. You're literally paying to rape someone.
>>17251596
dont care LOL
I am 22 and female of child bearing age and trying to cope with maternal feelings. I cannot have a baby right now because I am in school and building stability in my life, but these feelings will not go away! What are some things I can do to supplement my crazy maternal urges? I want to nurture something so badly. Are there any online baby games or something?
>>17251577
I don't know much about women. But i don't think most of them want to have one at 22...idk
maybe hormones are giving you shit because of your diet?
you should get a toy baby doll. get a nice realistic one. I heard there are pill that can help you produce breastmilk even if you're not pregnant. Breast feed the fake baby...
>>17251577
I don't really have any constructive advice, but I think this was cute. I'm wishing you luck in finding an appropriate outlet for your feelings. You could try pampering your significant other.
>>17251577
I'm 20 and in the same position. Men won't understand and I'd never have a baby before I had a good job and husband but if God came down tomorrow and have me a huge house, stable job, and loving husband and asked if I wanted a baby at 20 I'd do it in a heart beat.
Right now my boyfriend is distracting me with a hamster. Get a dog or cat or something. Or maybe dote upon a little kid in your family.
