Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 259. page
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How would you react if your s/o told you he was best friends with his first love, who he dated for 9 years? They talk regularly on the phone and travel together still.
He makes me feel bad for feeling jealous, by calling me a rational person before I can even start to ask about his ex.
Should I be feeling jealous?
Personally, I have never had any good experiences with someone who was good friends with their ex/first love. Out of the 3 relationships I had like that, I was dumped at the first sign that the ex was available. At first I thought my jealousy drove the first one away, so I tried better with the second and third. Same thing every time.
To me, it's a pointless thing to stay friends not because it never worked out in the first place, but it hurts the next person you try to get with. I think you're well within your rights to be jealous, especially since it was a 9 year relationship that means it's pretty involved.
With a relationship that long, they know everything there is to know about each other. That combined with the fact that they're still friends means they had good reasons to end the romantic relationship. That said, who can say whether or not they'll change their minds down the line? I personally wouldn't be comfortable with it.
>>17308736
>I personally wouldn't be comfortable with it.
Very few people would be.
>>17308722
>Should I be feeling jealous?
Absolutely.
Look, this might be all on the level, there's no way to tell, but their SO being in regular contact with your ex is not something most people would be okay with. Most people would feel jealous in your situation. Many people would refuse to put up with it outright. Him trying to make you feel bad for having a completely normal reaction is a red flag and isn't acceptable behavior even if there's nothing shady going on here.
Them traveling together (!) is about as far across the line as you can possibly go. Some exceptionally secure, trusting, generous people might put up with it, but they're not common, and you shouldn't feel bad at all for not being that kind of person.
What are some ways to kill yourself without anyone finding out? Basically a way to just disappear without anyone ever knowing what really happened to you.
I've been unemployed for over half a year now, unable to find any work with my skill set. I've now almost run out of all my savings, about to be completely broke and without a place to live at the end of next month. I'm about to turn 30 and I can't face the shame of having to move back in with my parents and admit to them how much of a total failure I am. I had actually been employed pretty consistently for the last 5 years, so they think my life is going well.
So I feel like I have no other options left, but at the same time I don't want my parents to ever know that my life turned out so fucked up that I killed myself.
>>17308718
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1 (800) 273-8255
https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/
https://www.reddit.com/r/jobs/
Have you thought about joining a comune or something similar? Since your problems seem to stem from economics...
^^^
OP, you only get one life, don't waste it like a retard. Everyone goes through bad times, just suck up your pride and ask your parents for some help, they love you and I'd imagine it would be absolutely agonizing for them to never find out what happened to their child. We love you fagit, don't hurt yourself.
I'm looking to apply at a few equipment rental houses, but they have the contact form as seen in my image instead of a regular e-mail address.
Do I just ask them if they've got any positions open and ask if they would be interested in meeting to discuss it?
Would a phone call or in person visit to each of these places be better/easier?
I've been job hunting for a month since I caught wind I was going to be terminated and not having been able to get hired yet has been a blow to my confidence.
I'd like not to fuck this up too.
I've done my research, I've got a resume written up that I feel fits these places, but I'd like to hear some advice about this from other people first.
Final bump.
i should preface that my gf has dealt with a sexually abusive bf in her past. i only know what she has told me and it seems to revolve around oral sex which explains her distaste for it. it also explains why i have to voice my frustrations on /adv/ rather than communicate this to her directly.
i've been with my gf nearly a year and a half. overall we're okay, happy, and committed to one another. i'm 25, she's 21, and we met at school. she sees a future with me and i could see myself with her long-term but i'm unsure if i can tolerate a number of things in our relationship indefinitely. there are a few things besides the dysfunctional sex life but i suppose that's for another time.
roughly a year and a half and she has performed oral roughly six times in that time. i use the term oral loosely, almost as loose as her lips as they bob up and down the head of my penis for a few minutes before tapping out. i do appreciate the effort but it feels minimal. i give direction and try to guide her during the act (i think the fact that she doesn't know what she's doing during oral is a factor in all of this which is why i try to be encouraging and communicate) but it feels like it falls on deaf ears. it's almost like she had already made up in her mind that she's only going to tolerate this for a few minutes to shut me up for a few months. it does shut me up of course. i would bring up the idea of her going down on me the next time we fool around and she would complain about lingering throat pain (which makes no sense since i don't even get past her teeth) and/or jaw discomfort. earlier in the relationship i would continue to bring it up each time we fooled around which meant i would either hear more about the discomfort ("my throat still hurts from before" but refusal to see a doctor despite it supposedly hurting for weeks) or she would explain that "i did it a week (two weeks, three weeks, etc) ago, you can't expect me to do it all the time."
>>17308694
(contd)
the last time she tried was roughly three months ago. i don't pursue it anymore. i don't ask about it. when she tries i still communicate what i like and etc but it doesn't change. she just does the same thing she has been doing since the first time she tried. i'm convinced that she has no desire whatsoever to work on this and it's not like i can press her to considering her past.
oral sex was always fun and intimate in previous relationships. i've always enjoyed (and still enjoy) making someone feel good during sex and getting them off.
i think i miss the intimacy and selflessness of it. it feels like there are things and places that are off limits. i feel like she's disgusted at the idea of having me in her mouth.
i feel like she isn't willing to be uncomfortable or to work on difficult endeavors. that's troubling considering she talks about wanting a family and kids and shit, as if that's going to be easy.
>>17308694
It might sound like an advice you might not want to hear, but fooling around itself, sexual pleasure is something that should not be done in stressful and pressured way. She is just making up excuses (or the way I see it from the post), but if she has traumatising past about sexually abusive ex, just slowly let her overcome. It is not something that will go away quickly.
Things you could try is if you don't pressure her for a while or not bringing it up about oral, she might do it for you, I am not guaranteeing that she will do it 100% for you, but if she sees future with you, she would overcome and trying to pleasure you as much as you are trying to pleasure her.
>>17308694
>i should preface that my gf has dealt with a sexually abusive bf in her past.
Why do you guys keep dating girls like this.
Okay so let me lay this out:
>my GF
> Bi
> never kissed a woman
> constantly tells me how much she wants to fuck another girl with or without me
> be me, interested as fuck
> feed into it, now a nightly topic during bed
Last week:
> talk to old friend I havent seen in about a year
> pretty cute, known her forever
> after a shitty bf shes now a practicing lesbian
> invite her to meetup
> gf and bestfriend are now inseperable,
> best friend hasnt left for 4 days other than to work and sleep once
> browse tinder for gfs together, flirt, play footsies n shit
> gf has told me last three nights that she wanted to fuck her
> mydick.tiff
> hungout today after work
> got food, me and bestie catch up
> gf sitting right next to me sends me a text
> "shes only looking at you, she wants to fuck you, ect."
> confused as fuck, ask whats wrong
> thinks bestie just wants to fuck me, not interested in her
> talk a bit, says im flirting too much and need to back off
> confused as all fuck hut avoid argument and try and leave them be all day
> talk alittle bit more about tonight
> gf now wants me to wait so that she can fool around with her before i do/ i was never allowed.
>tried to make my ass sleep on our couch two of the last four nights
Im so lost /adv/, is my gf trying to cuck me? We have a life together and she tells me shes happy but idk if shes just trying to lose my ass and run with a girl. Or maybe this kust needs time. My old friend seems interested in the two f us, but i just cant tell if shes genuinely interested in me or just thinks of me as a friend wholl let me fuck his gf.
She is trying to fuck you over. She wants a risk free solo experience with a girl, if it's good she leaves, if it's bad she pins it on you.
I can't offer you real advice, just be careful, try to communicate with your friend.
Just level with your best friend and see how it works out.
>>17308692
You just wanted to fuck two chicks and now you're having a fit because you arent getting your threesome. Boohoo.
Your gf wanted a female experience, not to let you fuck your ex-friend who you ramped up to being your bff in mid-greentext for some reason. Lesbian experience means girls only, friend.
So there are occasionally threads about how to go down on someone. Any tips for the person receiving? It's enjoyable, but I always feel so useless just sitting there while the other person does all the work.
>>17308686
Assuming that you are male from the picture, ask her what she is into. Everyone finds pleasures in different ways, some girls like their hair getting pulled off, 69 position exists for reasons, and depending on position you could play with her breasts etc.
However, before you try something out just ask her, every girl likes it different way.
>>17308697
I intentionally omitted my gender, but I'm female, with a male partner. I am really don't care for penetrative sex, so for my benefit my partner will often go down on me.
Usually it's straight on, so I'll be sitting or laying, and his body would be around my legs.
>>17308737
I like girls playing with my hair while I go down on them. Sexy and gives my better feedback if I'm doing it right.
I'm so tired of this, I don't see myself getting any better. These are days or moments where I feel okay and I think that things will turn out fine and there are days like today where I'm fucking afraid of my future , I have this huge anxiety who makes me want to off myself.
I don't know what to do, I was told here to focus on my main hobby (art) and that Exercising is a good idea too.
I started lifting at home for à month and I try to draw more often, but I think that drawing is the only salvageable thing in me.
I don't have anything to do since no one gets in touch with me, if I don't call no one will see me and fuck this. It's summer break, no job and no car yet.
I don't see myself getting any better, I 'm 19, never had a date or anything, only person I loved it out of my league and already has someone since years, I can't get her out of my head and I even fucking dreamed about her before waking up with 5hours of sleep and unable to sleep anymore.
>>17308685
You do realize this is everyone's life? You are literally bitching about things everyone else bitches about.
What makes you think you're so special? That you deserve some extravagant life to be dropped into your lap?
Newsflash kiddo: you're still young. And life has more ways to fuck you in the ass than you can count.
If dreams can't come true, why not pretend?
>>17308890
Hey man. The plans simple. You just got to be a Isolationist like me who just talks to himself all the fucking time. You got yourself friends on the mind, all the time. And as >>17308914 said. Just Pretend everything's fine, and you got that special someone on your shoulders and a buddy to spot you. And if you keep telling yourself It's gonna be fine. It'll end up being fine.
>Source: Someone who has suffered from loneliness for the past 13 years after Grad.
>>17308914
Not saying I 'm special, but don't tell me everyone has those problems.
Almost everyone has relationships, people to count on, jobs, and so on. Not everyone is spending months in his dark room on his computer or on a sheet of paper.
I' m young, yes, that's who it shouldn't be like that.
>>17308922
I couldn't bear it, I try to keep telling myself I can do it, but I can't get past the "how" part.
How much sleep is enough sleep for you /adv/? Most sites say that 8 hours of sleep is super optimal and less can cause major problems. What experience you have with low amounts of sleep?
I ask because I only sleep 4 hours a night, work full time and also do biking and aside from waking up hella hard, almost painfully so, I'm fine the rest of the day.
Could it be that I haven't done this long enough for my body this receive damages? I only do it for like half a year or so. I think if there were any issues, I would've get them by now.
>>17308672
You're gonna crash and burn living like that, my kid.
I sleep 4 when I'm working or 6-7 otherwise. Some nights I just don't sleep and go for a walk. It feels totally natural to me.
The amount of sleep you need varies from person to person. 4 hours is on the extreme low end though. Maybe try to get more and see if you notice any differences. Also, for what it's worth, you should try to wake up after a discrete amount of REM cycles (90 minutes for most people), which means 4.5 hours, 6 hours, 7.5 hours, etc.
Been living in my car for 3 months. I decided to pick up and drive 1500 miles away because I hate life and have just been failing at finding a job and it seems impossible to find a place to live. No friends no family. What do I do.
Vote for Trump
Go back home. The problems with your life are local to the space you occupy brother, but it's am easy mistake to make.
Swallow your pride and ask for help if you can't afford the drive back.
>>17308648
Things were worse for me where I was. I have no home.
Backstory : I'm a 19 year old virgin with severe social anxiety and very misogynistic views. Don't want a girlfriend, but I still have sexual urges and frustration I must fulfill. I need to know what sex feels like so I can hopefully stop putting it on such a pedestal and focus on more productive things. I live in norcal.
I don't want to post my picture on a hookup site because I live in a smallish city where someone might recognize me. I consider myself a 6/10 in terms of looks, so if there's a way to get instant one night stands with mildly ugly women without putting my personal identity out there, I'd be willing to try that.
If not that, do you think it's worth the time, effort, and risk, for me to try and get a prostitute? I know it's super easy to do so in countries like the UK, but I'm not sure where I would even look for one in the US.
How about you keep fucking your hand for a few years until you grow up into a normal adult. Plenty of people older than you still haven't had sex wait your turn.
In short,
>get /fit/
>get a decent haircut
>get some decent clothes
>get a fake, or access to alcohol in a comfortable social setting
>post some decent pictures on tinder
Message the fuckable ones. Expect to get rejected a lot, that's just part of the deal, especially if you're just looking for the easy hook up. But this is the tried and proven 2k16 formula for getting laid
It also helps if you have a few friends and don't come off as a loner sperglord
>>17308675
You sound like a triggered virgin. Why should I wait? 17 years is the average age to lose virginity for men in the US.
I need to lose my virginity because I know it would be psychologically beneficial for me to do so. I've heard from a lot of people that their sexual frustration diminished greatly once they lost their virginity and realized the importance of sex was overblown. I would rather lose my virginity sooner than later. I don't want to be pissed off all the time. I don't want to end up like that Rodger Elliot guy.
There's this girl that I've been friends with for the past 5 years, and ever since i went off to college, the only time we'd ever hang was to go to a movie. While great and all, as many of you know, movies don't help when you're trying to catch up with an old friend.
Getting lunch is probably the easiest thing to do, but what are some other things we could do without it seeming like a date that doesn't cost an arm and a leg?
>friends
>date
You're doing it wrong.
>>17308621
I guess getting lunch/coffee works the best and maybe you could ask her to bring some other old friend you guys are mutual with, or just other people in general if you don't want it to seem it like a date.
>>17308625
I mean she's expressed she doesn't want to date me, and I'm the same way. But we remain friends because we enjoy each other's company
>>17308673
Yeah I was thinking about that but everyone is working the day we wanna chill
Thanks tho
I'm not sure if I want to watch this or not, but a friend of mine won't shut up about it. should I give in and watch it or punch them in the mouth?
>>17308605
Agree with >>17308606, but to answer your question: it's bretty gud.
>>17308605
>Maria being a smug for Poussey
D R O P P E D
R
O
P
P
E
D
he's been going through an amazingly rough time lately. today was going to be especially hard for reasons i'm not sure i want to write about in public. but he posted some very suicidal sounding lyrics from a song about suicide, and then signed out of facebook.
that was last night (over 24 hours now), and his mom was trying to contact him on facebook just an hour ago. he's hard to reach when he wants to be because he has no working phone. was only facebook when he was on wifi. but he has wifi at his apartment so idk. his wife also hasn't been online in over 24 hours and she was a big part of his problems, being borderline and all.
i don't want to call the police because in his situation it would only make things worse for him. and we weren't super close friends yet. like we've hung out at the park and gone to a movie together with another friend, but i don't know where he lives.
i've had friends commit suicide before and this feels so similar. it's scary.
so like this is a good thread to post things in.
also i was really hoping to sleep with him, and possibly break up his marriage. crazy daydreams maybe.
this isn't too important for the thread but it's true and i hope it gets someone to post
i'm feeling sick to my stomach now and don't know how to make the bad feelings stop.
My retail job sucks fucking dick and I get paid 11.45 an hour.
Should I work as an unarmed security guard in the suburbs I live in? How's the starting pay?
Looking for a job where I don't do shit so I can read books/ watch shows/ study for school
>>17308594
Retail is a better career.
Stick to what you know.
>>17308600
Retail is not a career and I doubt you have any experience with anything else.
Do it OP. Pays like 14-15 bucks an hour around my neck of the woods, and our minimum is 10.45. Know two guys who do it, they get bored but like it more than customer service. Realize you're getting paid to ask drunk people to stop whatever it is they're doing.
>>17308600
It's not a career and plus I don't give a shit about keeping my area clean and up to standards when I close the store. I don't give a shit to clean up after people and be disrespected constantly by retards. I'm fucking tired of my managers giving me shit because I forgot to move up that one product from the shelf.
I'd rather work a job where I can to sit there and spend time how I'd like to spend it. I have a lot more important things to do.
>>17308607
That's what I thought. If there's any hint of crime (which by the way would be extremely unlikely since I live deep inside a high middle class suburb in a rich city) I just have to call the cops or some other security to handle that shit.
I just want to be there as a scarecrow basically.
Eat shit, drive around, repeat.
Now I want to ask people that have experience in this, however, if my perception is close to reality.
Does therapy actually work?
For a person with acute anxiety and insecurity who admits they have a problem and wants to change, how effective is therapy?
I've tried everything myself and my relationship is hanging on my a thread. This is my last chance. I need "results" fast, not a cure. Just some tiny improvements would be nice.
Any past experience?
>>17308589
That and being heavily medicated 24/7.
>>17308591
Will therapists deal with getting me medicated after a diagnosis? I'm not opposed to trying something that drastic because this is gotten to the point where it's tearing my life apart. There is literally nothing I haven't tried except professional therapy, and meds.
A free first therapy session said I definitely have problems and would benefit from more sessions but how much do these things work?
Is this like a "you'll be seeing changes in a month" kinda thing or a "you'll be fixed in time for your third marriage" kinda thing?
>>17308589
It does. A good therapist is more of a tool to help you get through things yourself.
Talking to a good therapist is like wearing corrective lenses for the first time. You forget how distorted and clouded your perspective has gotten, but in time you should be able to identify the source, or sources, to your problems.
Worthlessness leads to Hopelessness which leads to Helplessness which in turn leads to more worthlessness and the cycle continues. My therapist told me that no one is helpless so that's where you have to concentrate your efforts.
