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As long as I can remember, I've had issues with confidence regarding my looks. I was a pretty ugly kid until I hit about 20, started lifting and eating right and finally starting filling out. I've had people, both men and women compliment me on my physique and my looks but for some reason I always think they're just being nice. I've had relationships and hookups and I still feel the same way a lot of times. Hell, just this past weekend I hooked up with a hot Colombian chick who was way out of my league. We went to a dance club and she basically groped me the entire time until we eventually went back to my place and had sex.
But still, I can't fucking shake the idea that I'm ugly. I think my past experiences as an ugly kid did some serious damage to my self-esteem that I never recovered from.
How the fuck do I finally get over this shit and start living life the way I want to?
Hang out around guys that have their heads stuck up so far down their ass that you'd think their joking until you see they're serious. I have a friend like that, it's so weird but at the same time for some reason its working.
I can clarify/go indepth if you want.
keep doing what you're doing. I have the same problem, just worse. I've been called hot by hot girls, girls ask for my number, felt up, looked at and kissed. Girls walked past me other week and i heard them say i was hot. Im virgin though. I truly believe im ugly as sin. No matter how much i work out or take care of myself still feel ugly.
>>16450493
>I can clarify/go indepth if you want.
do you mean hang out with overly confident guys?
I need help going to a funeral wake for the first time. i have never been to one and would like to go to this wake. Am i going to have to talk to people? i kindof just want to see the body for a sec to pay my respects and leave right away. would this be rude to do and not stay the whole.ceremony? I don't have any clothes to wear either for this type of occasion.
Depending on the agenda, you should stay the whole time. There are some wakes that are more like a viewing than a funeral, in which case it is acceptable to leave at some point. However, if it is an actual funeral service then you need to stay for the whole thing.
Depending on your relationship to the deceased/the family you aren't expected to say or do much. If a family member/spouse of the deceased says anything to you, say you are sorry for their loss. Most people don't want to talk too in depth at a funeral; they are mostly going through the motions and trying to keep it together.
There are mostly no rules. If you have feelings express them, otherwise "sorry for your loss" .
Lost my wife a month ago. I myself don't expect more unless you were really close.
Maybe different in your country.
You don't even have to go *unless* you're really close.
It depends on the type of service (religious or cultural). If it's just a viewing, then you say "sorry for your loss" to the family and hug/shake hands depending on your relationship. If you aren't close to the family, you really don't have to attend. People will understand. You generally don't have to talk much; just be polite.
If you don't have anything to wear I'd suggest going and getting a pair of dress pants and a decent, collared shirt. Generally you should wear black. If you're really broke, it's generally OK to wear anything half-decent, but just be respectful. Don't wear anything overly flashy, dirty, pajamas, etc.
Why am I so attracted to Caitlyn Jenner? I'm not sure what it could be, but she/he is so fucking hot. Is that a bad thing?
>>16450408
No. Caitlyn Jenner is beautiful and very charming. I have a thing for slightly awkward women. She's like a baby doe.
>>16450411
I was hoping I wasn't the only one.
it's pretty weird, but then so is human sexuality on the whole. so whatever. there are much more attractive trans girls out there, but i'm sure you know that.
For a while now I've felt a strong desire for something unknown. We've all felt this I'm sure; like a feeling of being unwhole and not knowing what it is we need, but knowing we do need it desperately. My religious faith has a lot to say about this and I try to apply those teachings however possible, but I would be lying if I said I was the perfect practitioner. There are some ways I've grown exceptionally in my faith, and in others I'm quite lacking. And sometimes the practice doesn't seem to translate into the culture here so well.
Not too long ago I was seriously suicidal, and at the lowest point of my life. I've healed a lot since then. Making A's in school now, not suicidal, and working toward a better future. It goes better some days than others. Throughout this time, I've largely been alone. I didn't want to talk to people. It was better being alone. And besides, I was taught to accept my circumstances and move forward without getting caught up in the things I didn't have. Like friends, or love. I came to make friends with my loneliness and this worked well, in terms of the healing process. Things were quiet and I had the opportunity to perform sober-minded introspection without distraction.
Even so, sometimes I got really lonely. And sometimes I did unwholesome things, like looking online for someone to fuck me. It's always easy to find a guy, even as a transsexual. I'm attractive enough for sure. But these times were usually very awkward, and definitely left me feeling unsatisfied and hurt. Sexual misconduct, in that I was in a way raping myself. It's not okay to hurt yourself, and this is a lesson I've failed to learn over and over again.
Now I'm back to feeling very lonely, and while I know I can be friends with my loneliness and accept the solitude with an open heart I think I need to do something more. People think I'm weird and I guess I am. It's hard relating with them now, and I used to have lots of friends.
character limit
I've always been a pretty quiet person, but when practicing in a community I really came to know the power and importance of silence. We spent days at a time in silence, sitting together. Eating meals in silence and communicating silently.
It's a beautiful opportunity to pay attention to your mind, as well as learn how to sort of FEEL one another. Speaking has its benefits, but silent exchanges seem in many ways more fulfilling and open. Just sitting in someone else's presence can be a beautiful experience.
But back out in the "real world", I've felt more disconnected than ever with people. Silence makes people feel uncomfortable, and I've noticed that instead of experiencing a moment of silence with a curious presence other people get scared and say inane things to fill the void that never really existed to begin with. Like I said, people think I'm weird. This all sort of compounds my social problems.
I don't know that this will make any sense to anyone else. I'm asking for advice sort of, but feel fairly confident that no one will know how to respond or maybe even what the problem is. I have trouble understanding it myself. There's a lot more I could write but I don't know what would be helpful for you to know.
Assuming the thread doesn't die without a single reply, I'll be here to answer any questions you might have about um. This stuff.
Oh for some reason I wanted to add that while I seem to be doing better, it feels like I'm one mistake away from falling back to where I was. Losing my job, failing my classes, trying to kill myself. Like I'm doing everything right outwardly, but inwardly everything right on the edge of total destruction.
And I've tried making online friends to sort of alleviate the loneliness, but it never feels real. I think the experiences of closeness in silence and meditation have sort of shown me just how lacking online social experiences are.
And like. The personalities we present online are obviously not our true selves. We carefully construct these online identities and work to maintain them. We do similar things in person of course, but there is some authenticity in real interactions that just can't be faked.
So I guess maybe what I want is a real person to talk to. One that maybe would understand me, and be okay with us not talking constantly. I really wish there were a decent (or even crappy) sangha where I live, but I would need to travel to find one and that is just not possible.
Sometimes I think I maybe should just give myself over to monastic life, but I don't think I'm really ready for it. And I don't know which places would be willing to ordain a trans girl. I know there's a Zen center in San Fransico I could join, but Zen is a little too hardcore for me. Not very into that.
Let's try a bump.
I have a question for anybody who's not a pedo. If you had found out your best friend is a pedophile ( NOT A CHILD MOLESTOR ) by finding questionable pics of little girls on his computer, what would you do?
>>16450206
Cut contact, as I would not want to be associated with such person.
>>16450206
Call you out on it and ask why you have those pictures. Gauging your reaction, I'd then mull it over for a couple of days and decide whether or not to report you. Of course, by then you'd likely have gotten rid of the evidence, but just getting your name down at the police so they have a record of a report is good enough.
No friendship is stronger than my hatred for sick fucks who get off to kids. You don't know if you'll never hurt a kid. You don't know what you will or won't do 5, 10, 20 years from now. So every last one of you should be nipped in the bud.
>>16450206
Depends. Is it a boy or a girl?
>GF was at my place using facebook on my computer
>Loaded it up today, was still logged into her account
>Saw an active conversation between her and some dude
>She asked if he wanted to hang out
>He said he was busy but maybe this weekend
>"Oh I can't, I'm going to be at my friend's all weekend"
She is coming to my place to stay this weekend, and we already have it planned out. Why would she refer to me as her friend, does she think our relationship is ending or something, or is she going to try and cheat by letting this guy think she isn't with anyone?
>>16450105
She's going over there to play twister with all his black friends.
>>16450105
I sometimes refer to my boyfriend as a friend because I don't want to sound like I'm flaunting him or being presumptuous when I mention him to another guy
>>16450105
Dude, do you really have to ask? Actions speak louder than words.
I am going to have gay sex for the first time tomorrow. 20 years old and essentially zero experience. I've been speaking to another guy online, and we're going to meet tomorrow. I will be having (protected) anal sex. The guy is younger but will be patient with me. I've dated extensively with women. I'm not particularly attracted to guys. I feel like I just want to try it out.
I will answer questions and take any advice.
>>16450057
bring lots of lube and make sure you have health insurance
>>16450061
>health insurance
damn!
>>16450078
You're going to need it when the Hepatitis rolls in
My roommate wants me out today. I have a bed, food, and other stuff that can really only be carried in a car, which I don't have. I have nowhere to go, nobody to trust my stuff with, and pretty much no hope at this point. It's 6 PM, I no longer have a key, and I'm waiting for laundry to finish before I leave.
Is there anything I can do at this point or should I just throw in the towel?
>>16450045
Can they actually legally kick you out like that?
>>16450051
Probably. I'm late on rent.
>>16450045
No parents or friends or coworkers or money?
My boyfriend is really pessimistic and mean.
How do you deal with guys like that? He always assumes the worst of everybody, and outright ignores people he considers "trash".
>>16450016
And he still talks to you?
>>16450016
So you don't ignore people you consider trash? What? You go out of your way to greet them or something?
Most of us ignore people we consider trash. Also, you must be over the age of 18 to post in here, fuck off.
>>16450016
There's literally nothing wrong being like that. It's called being realist. If you don't like him leave him.
My boss is a really scary person. He gets extremely angry at everyone for the tiniest of mistakes, and has a short temper. It's been more than a couple of times he got so angry and yelled so much it almost made me panic and cry (the only reason I didn't it's because I hate crying in public). Sometimes other coworkers fuck up and he gets angry for the rest of the day and takes it out on everyone, so talking to him becomes impossible if you don't want to be insulted or yelled to. This happens on a daily basis.
Now, I'm a very patient person and I've tried to see things from his perspective, being a boss ain't easy and I get that, but it hasn't worked to make things less stressful for me. The only way I've found that I can deal with this is basically shutting down emotionally and become an emotionless robot, but regardless it's still stressful to deal with people like this every day and I'm starting to really hate where I work. Everyone are too scared of him to say something because he absolutely loses it when someone even implies he has a problem. He starts to hit walls and curse everyone and basically throw insults everywhere if you slightly imply he made some mistake. Has anyone else had this problem and how did you deal with it?
>>16449948
Is he gay? If so, deep throat him. It should make him atleast treat you better.
Well done for being incredibly understanding and balanced. I admire that of you, I think you ought to be proud.
It's quite hard to change a boss, let alone anyone. I think the best advice for you would be to find a new job. The only way I could see things improving is if EVERYONE got together to make some sort of balanced comment about his behavior. While people might think he deserves it and you should all fuck his shit up, he's a human being with feelings, and if everyone turns around and says "We all hate you, you're a dick" he's going to shit. Whether anyone deserves it or not, it's quite unfair to say "change your entire existence instantly, we all hate you."
After writing this out, I should probably say- you should find another job, because it's not your job to fix either him or his company/department. He has a duty of care to you that he is fucking up big time, put yourself first- be there if he asks for help.
>>16449948
Post his phone number on /b/, they will kindly council him.
TL;DR I keep having problems for waking up in the morning
For weeks I've been sleeping between 12:00AM-01:00AM to wake up at 8:00AM and be more productive with my day. The problem is that I always wake up past 11:00AM.
I've tried so many things, but my brain won't just comprehend.
>Put many, many alarms; one each 10 minutes
I just hit snooze every time.
>Put the alarm far away from the bed
I hit snooze, then go back to bed.
>Put math puzzles on my phone alarm
All you have to do to turn off the alarm is keep pushing buttons on the phone, so sleepy me just does that everytime.
Today I woke up at 01:30PM, skipping 3 classes so I'm now looking for some advice. Please help.
Sleep earlier dimwit
>>16449931
>implying that will make a difference
OP is a faggot who doesn't have self control. It's that simple.
Light from computer and phone makes your brain think it's midday = harder to get a full and proper sleep.
Are you eating healthy? Bad diet can fuck your sleep up- coke before bed (drug or soda) is not a good idea. No caffeine after 3pm.
Are you feeling stressed or sad? If you are not relaxing and taking care of yourself, you can have problematic and not nice sleep- nightmares too. Take time to relax and look after yourself.
Are you not tired enough? Sometimes we need to be 'more tired' to get 'more sleep', so things like running during the day can aid you sleeping. As a lot of people spend a lot of time doing mentally draining tasks, the body is often left behind and a bit too energetic.
I'm 27 and a virgin. Lately I've gotten in shape and had a job that forces me to talk to people all day, and I feel like I've gotten better at rudimentary social things. However, relationships and sex still elude me; I really just feel like I have no idea how that whole aspect of dealing with people works. I'd like to be in a relationship more than I'd like to have sex, but I'm starting to feel like the lack of the latter is making it hard to get the former.
Recently I met an 18 year old girl through work. She's attractive, but not really someone I want to date. Blue hair, tries a little too hard to be lolrandumb, tries to get attention all the time. I'm pretty much the only one that doesn't give the attention to her, which only made her try harder and harder to get me to like her. Now she's pretty much stated explicitly that she would fuck me.
My question is, should I do it, just to get this out of the way? I'd basically come at it like I'm using her to level up my sex skills for an actual girl I care about. She knows I'm a virgin but I don't know whether she wants something out of me besides sex or if I should even care about that anyway if she does.
>>16449924
Just fuck her.
>>16449935
Just like that, huh? Well alright then. I guess I was overthinking it.
yes this won't cure ur autism btw.
Dad just spilled he's cheated, mom is crying. What to do?
>>16449887
Stay out of it for now. Be there for your mom. Fuck your scummy dad, he can deal with his own problems away from the family. Be your mom's anchor and make sure she knows you are there to support her. She needs people in her corner now.
>>16449887
>2015
>having parents
kek
It's not your problem, especially since you're probably a grown ass man now, so move on with your life and let them fix their own shit.
Ask a philosopher anything.
>>16449881
Fuck off you arrogant sophist
How much do you make an hour at the local coffee shop?
>>16449881
Dat moment when your organizing your books and you realise Zein und Zeit is missing. Dat moment when you realize you havent read most of it anyway.
>Have BF of 10 months (as of today)
>I'm 20, he is 21
>He seemed in not such a good mood earlier, but nothing major
I just got a text from him that he is turning his phone off for a day or so, because he is in a bad mood, but can't really figure out why. So he just wants a day or two to himself.
Should I be worried? When we are apart, we still generally text and call each other very often throughout the day.
>>16449873
>Should I be worried?
Possibly. He may want to break up and this could be his attempt to buy time as he makes a decision. Or he could have clinical depression, but that isn't really good for healthy relationships either.
Either way, he'll talk to you about it when he's ready.
>>16449873
just let him know it is ok and he needs someone to talk you are there for him.
.. have you cheated on him?
>>16449873
No. He needs a day or two for himself. Figure some things out. Worrying will acomplish nothing, bugging him about it will make things worse. He's gonna turn off the phone for a day or two, let him, and trust him to deal with his problems.
