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My wife's ex boyfriend is driving me fucking nuts.
Years ago my wife dated the family friend for about a year. He broke up with her, but they remained friends. He lives literally across the country now.
I've struggled with their relationship since we started dating. I'm not normally a jealous guy; one of her best guy friends (of course, they never dated) was the officiant at our wedding. When I met her, she lived with her best guy friend, and I'm now great friends with the guy. Hell, I've hung out with an ex of hers before, when went to a show together. I didn't mind, shook the guys hand, everything was fine. I get it.
So what bothers me about this particuular ex? Let's call him John. John texts my wife. Sometimes my wife texts him ("Hey! That band you love came out with a new album, what do you think?"). John likes all of my wife's pictures on social media, but always the ones that don't have me in them. My wife likes all of his picture on social media.
I know, from conversations with her brother and father, that she was his only real girlfriend... ever.
So here's the thing. I don't think she would ever do anything. I truly don't. But I think he still has a thing for her, and for some reason I can't help but think she has some sort of nostalgic thing for him as well. That's what bothers me.
I have no one like that. My wife was my first serious relationship. I hooked up with a ton of girls in college and stuff, but never established a real emotional bond with anyone until her. So I struggle to understand how you can mantain a friendship with someone like that.
It's driving me insane. She knows it bothers me, but not nearly as much as I let on.
The hypocrisy makes me upset as well. If she found out I was texting and talking with a girl I used to bang, she would lose her shit.
This is the thorn in my marriage's side that makes me very, very unhappy, /adv/. Help a brother out. I feel like I'm crazy and I don't want to be.
I bet you think they haven't already fucked, don't you.
You don't need our advice, dude. You know exactly what to do -- sit down and have a long, serious conversation (in which you hold your ground but also keep your temper and listen) and let her know exactly how much this bothers you. We can't walk you through the conversation because we can't predict what she'll say; I'm sorry, I wish we could.
I will say that, although everybody has different ideas where the boundaries should lie, I think most people (well over 50%) would be uncomfortable with this situation. Personally I don't think one can expect to remain friends with exes and pursue new relationships -- some very gracious and generous partners are willing to allow it, but that should always be seen as a privilege, not a right. Expecting to remain friends with an ex who still has a thing for you is unreasonable, doubly so if she wouldn't extend the same courtesy and trust to you. So if she tries to turn this around on you and make you feel bad -- don't let her. You're not in the wrong.
IF she goes off on you and accuses you of not trusting her (a very bad sign), DO make it clear that you are not actually concerned that she might cheat with this guy, but that you still can't help feeling angry and jealous, it's not exactly your intellect that's reacting here. Tell her that this situation would make most people upset, that you're not going to feel bad for reacting like most people would, and that it's just a basic show of respect to not put your partner in that kind of situation -- put that all in your own words of course.
>>16523660
>The hypocrisy makes me upset as well. If she found out I was texting and talking with a girl I used to bang, she would lose her shit.
That's an entirely different thing though. Someone you've only had a sexual connection with vs a long time family friend. Your only reasons to contact someone you hooked up with would be to hook up again. Ex who is the family friend is... well, still the family friend. He's being shitty by avoiding liking pictures with you in them, but your only examples from your wife are just friendly.
If this has always been a struggle for you, why did you get married before working it out?
Every girl who takes an interest in me always ends up going from blowing up my phone to slowing down until into a complete ignore for good. Every awesome date I've been on that left me smiling afterward thinking I'll see her again comes crashing down with that horrible feeling that all of a sudden I'm not even worthy of speaking to. I'm not boring or anything, I'm awesome. But if someone has no intentions of ever seeing someone again, why not just tell them over a text? It is way less shitty to do that saying 'yes I'd like to meet up again, I'll let you know when I'm free', and never getting back to you. I think I'd be less upset about it if it weren't for social media. Every time I meet a chick, she has to add me on fb, snapchat, and Instagram, so I can see all the things she likes and posts every 10 minutes during the 8 hours that have passed since my last text to her. This shit is the worst and has me looking obsessively at all the things I have her added on. Sometimes they even LIKE MY SHIT just shortly after I texted them. They can like my shit but not talk to me, what gives, man.. What gives?
Being ignored by the person you want to talk to triggers the part of your brain that inflicts physical pain. It's the most frustrating feeling i know and I hate dating now for all the times girls have ignored me. By the way you're probably thinking I'm needy, but I'm not. I'll let it go if a girl doesn't reply back but it sure feels dandy to know I'm not even worth talking to.
Women are like cats. When they get bored, just let them roam. When they get curious they'll come back. Let them come to you. Girls like to chase, rather to be chased.
Because you didn't offer them what they were looking for. "Awesome" is a great start but everyone's needs are particular. Furthermore your personal qualities may not be enough to actually offer something per se. Admirable company is pleasant but it's not infinitely valuable.
Worth is relative. Be what someone craves and they won't be able to get enough of you. Fall short and, at least in this day and age, they'll have no trouble finding another source to fill the void. It's pretty straightforward.
Oh and as for why they simply ghost: people are increasingly bad at confrontation, in both aspects of the word. Many will avoid situations which risk even mild confrontation because there are far too many examples of people blowing those things up into literally frightening confrontations.
>>16523647
This is all horse shit. Women don't deserve fucking gods.
I messed up. I threatened go kill my therapist. How do I apologize to them? He's pretty understanding , and he just told me to calm down and other things so I think I should apologize.
Face it, youve gone off the deep end. You can just apologize. Accept what evers gonna come. Most likely more evuation.
Prepare to be committed if you keep that shit up.
Jesus Christ dude do you want to get committed?
Im stuck in a year lease with a fucking asshole
I literally have another year to live with this kid, hes fat as shit and hates himself so he takes it out on me, hes fucking 24 and he acts like a god damned 14 year old. It takes every fiber of my being not to sock this shitter in the fucking gob. I tower over him, hes a 400 pound manlet. I know hes sensitive to every insult and I hate being an asshole so I typically just let him say what ever the fuck he feels the need to say and let it roll off. But its coming down to the wire, I have another 11 months with him, i dont know what the fuck im going to do. Is there a way I can escape the lease agreement without getting fucked over? Or am I just gonna have to suck this one up and throw a punch or 20 if I have to.
>>16523539
Same my neighbors and parents are destroying my life in ways no one will understand and I'm trapped here
Just want to ditch all this shit and work my ass off to live on my own
>>16523539
You need to make him feel shitty. He insecure and taking it out on you since your "safe". Put him in his place, its the natural order of things.
talk to your landlord and sublet
What makes a successful streamer?
I'd like to know what you guys think of the strengths that a video game streamer has that makes him popular?
You're cute. Date?
Imagine your stream is a product. Find your products unique selling point. E.g. You only play binding of Isaac in a lizard onezie whilst drunk. Create some dank memes and you're done.
Kappa
what kind of streaming?
if its a competitive game then being exceptionally good and streaming a lot and at predictable times are definitely nice
idk about non-competitive gaming streams cause I've never really watched those
Earlier this semester I went through a rare depressive episode and stopped going to classes, and now out of my 4 classes this Semester, 2 I have fucked myself on by missing homework/projects.
The other 2 I can probably still pass if I make up a test or two I missed, and I will finish this Semester with a free 2 class credits thanks to Highschool college-credit classes.
My issue is that I don't know how to bring this up with my parents. I'm not relying on their money for college, but I still live with them and neither of them are understanding or very good at empathizing with others. So explaining to them why I'm only going to have 2 passing class grades is ruining my nerves, on top of other general college anxieties.
Has anyone been through something like this, or have advice on how to deal with people who don't give a shit about your issues? I see threads on here about people breaking news like this to others somewhat often.
Just don't tell them?
Medical withdrawl?
your uni isn't going to mail a fucking report card to your parents, they only know what you tell them
if you think you can deal with this on your own and its not going to happen again then maybe it would be better to not tell them about it. However if you think this is going to happen again then maybe it would be best to take some time off from school and start going through therapy to cure your depression. That's what I did and I'm quite glad for it.
About 4 months ago my girlfriend and I were having sex and were being rough. At one point she told me to stop but in my midst of "sex brain" I registered it as like a stupid sexy "stoooop". When we were done she told me it hurt and that I was an idiot. Moving on.
Three months pass and we make snide remarks about it occasionally when I try to have sex and nothing ever happens, so I eventually stopped trying. Then after a fight one night when things were getting heated she tells me that she was assaulted when she was younger and that entire ordeal had severely turned her off from me. I was immediately apologetic because holy shit now I'm an asshole for being upset about not being laid for three months even though we live together. She told me it still sticks with her and that she does want to have sex again, but she isn't ready. I tell her that's perfectly acceptable and that we can take it super slow when she's ready. Slowly we start making out over the past month and tonight she asked if we should have sex. I could immediately tell that her heart wasn't in it and she was just trying to make me happy so I told her we didn't have to go through with it at all. She started crying and told me that she needed to be alone and she curled up as I left.
As shallow as it may sound, is our intimacy permanently fucked guys? I feel like an ass for thinking about if we're going to have sex ever again, but we've been together for three years and I don't want it to go down because of that.
>>16523439
ugh fuck that dramatic shit, she knows who you are, she should know you love her and if your accidental misinterpretation of her saying "stop" (saying it once and not saying it again or reinforcing that she actually means it) is enough to decommission her entire sex drive then she sounds like a fucking chore.
>>16523439
stop acting like intimacy isn't important, being constantly rejected for MONTHS is hardly a shallow thing
First of all OP, you're not a bad person for wanting to have sex with your girlfriend. I mean sure, you done goofed once but your reaction afterwards was perfect. You've been supportive as fuck where most people would gtfo.
She clearly had some deep psychological issues before what happened and I'd advise her to see a counselor and get some help dealing with the emotional scars. Sex is a core part of a relationship and her issues are going to continue causing a void unless she wants to confront her fear. Best of luck OP.
>be dating this guy for a few months, and we really like each other
>get pic related from him today
>mfw i don't know much about music asides from liking a few songs to my tastes
he talks like this every now and then when it comes to movies, books, and now music. i'm socially awkward and inexperienced when it comes to socializing; do people really talk like this when it comes to media? or is he just trying to appeal to me or something?
he knows i'm an artist (i paint, design, animate, storyboard, etc.) and if it helps any, he studied psychology and likes reading/writing.
>>16523303
you sound boring tb,h
Yeah he's trying to impress you, but what's wrong with that? My friends and I talk like that about music and art too.
It sounds like he's a little too proud of his interests, but no one is perfect. My advice is to try sampling the things he mentions and see how it goes. I'd advise against getting into differences of opinion with him, though. He might be the sort who is a bit arrogantly assured of his good taste. If you don't like the stuff he mentions then a better tack might be to call it "cool" and quickly change topics.
How do you break a addiction? I've posted here before, but at the time I wasn't really asking for advice. But now I am. I have a addiction to McDonalds. I can be depressed and feel like shit all day, but when I eat McDonalds I get really calm and relaxed. It's great. But I've been eating McDonalds every night for the past month, and it's getting expensive. I need to cut back, but it's really hard. I'm sitting at home right now fucking craving it. Not just like "oh I'm hungry I could use a big mac" but like I WANT IT so fucking bad. I feel stressed actually. I'm baking some salmon in the oven right now, but I know it's not going to satisfy my desire. I am very much considerin just going downstairs,
Grabbing my car keys and leaving and say fuck the baked salmon. But I don't want to keep spending so much money on McDonalds. It add up.
Help please
>>16523278
Learn how to cook you fucking mong.
>>16523384
The nigga is making baked salmon. I assume he can cook.
>>16523392
>put salmon on a pan in the oven with butter and salt
not necessarily
I'm going to my doctor to try and get a script for adderall in a few days. I do it from time to time now illegally but my life has gotten to the point where I feel like I need to take this at least semi-regularly to function at the level I need.
Is it a good idea or a bad idea to mention to my doctor that I've done it illegally?
This has been my doctor for my entire life (I'm 22), she knows I do drugs sometimes and the only other script she's written me was for hydroxyzine for insomnia and I didn't get it refilled after the trial script because I felt it didn't work well enough.
>>16523023
>Is it a good idea or a bad idea to mention to my doctor that I've done it illegally?
bad
>source:i am prescribed adderal legally
>>16523023
where you from m8?
>>16523023
>Is it a good idea or a bad idea to mention to my doctor that I've done it illegally?
kek
enjoy never getting it
>Be me
>21
>gay
How do I deal with having a crush on a 15-year-old boy?
Privately, by yourself.
you accept that he is that, a boy, and forget about it. find a real partner.
gay boys literally have the easiest time of anyone finding partners.
>>16522932
>gay boys literally have the easiest time of anyone finding partners.
No. not me.
As a matter of fact he is the first person I've talked to who would be OK with dating me, which makes this whole thing 100% worse.
So I got back from Basic and AIT in December last year and ever since, things havent been normal for me mentally.
For starters, the second I got back, I was terrified of being alone and would spend days at my friends house.
Then came school, and this is where I need advice in. School has always been my priority since I was a kid but ever since I got back, my brain does this thing were it refuses to learn. It simply wont take in any new knowledge and Ive seen myself drop tremendously compared to the honor-roll AP top 10 student that I was before I shipped off. Im just not there mentally, and Im tired and I wish I was able to overcome whatever is making my brain so stubborn.
Is there anybody out there, preferably someone whose spent more than a year away from home, who can give me a better understanding of whats going on with my brain and what to do to oversome said obstacles?
Much Appreciated.
>>16522886
ur a war criminal for serving in the pig scum army
u get what u deserve
alla akbar
>>16522898
>complains about america
>seeks asylum here once your shit hole country goes to shit
GTFO right the fuck now guy.
Fatigue. Your brain probably was under the most pressure during basic and now it's just not accustomed to learning anything anymore. My recommendation is get 6 - 8 hours of sleep on work days, coffee, fruit, bread, and juice. Stay away from candy or things that can make you crash. Also don't go to a doctor and complain about these symptoms because all they want to do is write you a prescription for aderall of whatever poison they sell, that'll make you focus, yes, but on days when you dont have it, you'll crash drastically. I think its against AR too, but im not sure, you'll have to check.
Best of luck!
Hi /adv/. I need some relationship advice or..something. I'm not sure what category this will fall into. I'd like to start off by saying it isn't a huge deal in the first place. Really. I'll do my best to avoid any hyperbole.
The back story,
I have a girlfriend. We've been together for three years. We're both in graduate school at different universities, and I drive 5 hours every weekend to see her for 3-4 days then come home for 3-4 days. We're very close in general. Best friend type of relationship, and I'm really happy with her.
Ok, with that out of the way:
Today we were talking. She was having a rough day with classes. I was too, honestly. Just one of those days. While we were both kind of agreeing that today stinks, she says something along the lines of "but there's a silver lining to the day!"
From there she basically told me she had gotten a $50 ticket to Denver, CO. - essentially across the country - and because of her dads job she was getting a free room there too. I responded with an "oh cool" type response, and afterward she said she thought a couple of her friends might want to go.
I left the interaction with my feelings hurt for two reasons.
For Christmas I had planned to take her somewhere. We've discussed it off and on through the last year, but I haven't brought it up in a couple of months so it would kind of fade from her memory and be a bit of a surprise. I'm building her a piece of furniture for Christmas, and the idea was to put a letter inside asking her if she would like to go on the trip with me. There's now no time left for this, at all, and I'm a little disappointed she didn't even think about our many discussions about how we would like to go somewhere together.
cont.
Second, and probably more tangible, I'm a little upset she didn't invite me, or that she didn't consider her trip is in direct conflict with the tiny window of time out of the year we get to see each other regularly. We visit our individual families on Christmas break, about an hour away from each other, and its an odd time of year where we get to do more..well..couple-like things like going on proper dates where we aren't stressed about school. This Christmas she is already taking a big trip with her family, where she won't see me for the entire first part of the break(we get out of school next week, and she's leaving until christmas eve). We're doing Christmas together the day after Christmas because of this trip, usually we would do it the day before Christmas eve. Her trip to Denver is a week, from the 2nd of January to the 8th. Our school starts back on the 11th. What this means is we're probably barely going to see each other at all for the whole month, a month that is usually the one small period of time where we get to really see each other. I'm disappointed and upset about this, and even at points that I've convinced myself it's wrong to feel that way, I can't help it. I want her to go. I want her to have fun. But at the same time I can't help but be heart broken that she doesn't value this little bit of time we have together.
cont once more
Oh, a little more context: We saw each other for less than a day over our 13 day Thanksgiving break.
We had a short text conversation in which I almost slipped and clued her in that I'm upset about the trip, it went like this:
Her "How's it going? You seem sad."
Me: "I've just been thinking about Christmas break. After everything that happened last summer and over Thanksgiving and every other break we've had this year I'm afraid this is going to be another big break where we can't find time to see each other."
Her: "I'm coming to see you right after Christmas!"
Me: "Yes. You're right. I'm sorry. It's just hard being away from you all of the time. I've been feeling really lonely since you left Tuesday, and I know that's dumb."
Her: "Do you not want me to go on my trip?"
Me: "No. That's not it. I'm just feeling lonely and it's influencing me a little more than I should let it."
Her: "I'm sorry. I love you."
sorry, just over character limit one last time and idk what to cut. one more post after this.
Not sure what to do. Any advice about this would be welcome. I realize I haven't asked a proper question, that's because I don't know how to. I don't know what to say about this. I'm not even sure if I'm right or wrong to be upset. I don't know. I've been feeling terribly down lately, I saw her the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, a week ago, for like six hours. I drove an hour to pick her up, was with her for a few hours, then drove her back. That was it for a nearly two week break. Since then I've been really depressed and lonely in a kind of way I never have before. I think it's just the distance of our relationship getting to me. I've been dreading the long break from the time school lets out to when she will get back(I'm seeing her for a couple of days before she leaves thankfully), but inviting her on that trip was the light at the end of the tunnel for me. Even if she had invited me on this trip it would have all been the same to me. I just want to be with her some. I really don't want to let my emotional state get in the way of her ideas and plans though. She never sees the friends she's inviting - they had to move like a thousand miles away last year. I don't want to be a burden, but I don't know how to deal with these feelings. It's just really hard. I hope someone understands and has something to say about this.
Thanks in advance. For anything at all. Sorry this ended up so long. I'm not in a place to try and edit my feelings and thoughts down to a tiny post. I hope some of you can get through this and maybe at least give your thoughts.
What's the difference between a date when you're a teenager and a date when you're an adult?
I'm a 23 year old girl and I've never been on a date before, and I'm curious about what they're like
........you can't be serious?
Like... do you know how to use a search bar?
>>16522688
I just want to know what the difference is, what's wrong with my question
I don't want to be fat any more maybe if I was skinny the guy I love would see me as more than his best friend and I am also tired of feeling disgusted of myself and never able to feel pretty being fat is the absolute worst it has brought me so much pain and sorrow my whole life and I am finally ready to change
>>please tips, advise good websites, workouts, diets???
pic related not to that point yet but on my way and I just never want to look like that
Post a pic so we can give you the proper regiment and diet tips you want.
If you can take off your top as well, it would also give us more indication of your body.
Stop enabling your fat diet. Change for good. Moderation. Calories in Calories out. Drink water.
>>16522532
Just lose weight :^)
Nah but seriously, start by just eating less. It's much easier to not eat the calories rather than trying to burn them off later. Go on a calorie deficit of at least 400 (eat less calories than the average recommended amount per day for your age/weight/activity level) for a couple of months. When you start feeling more fit start jogging or any form of cardio really. You MUST cut the soda and white bread immediately.
![DrugItem_3508[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/LtMnKxg.jpg "DrugItem 3508[1]")
