Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1733. page
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First time posting in /adv/ so I don't really know how this board works but (pic 1/2)
Can someone tell me if she's right and I was being an asshole?
I was up all last night having an amazing conversation with her and telling each other our life stories just for us to stop talking because of this
She said I was trying to change her because I don't like when people flirt with others when they're in a relationship
I agree that flirting with other guys while in a relationship is not okay, but the 'have a nice life' was snarky and unnecessary and it's obvious you're lying when you said you meant it. Honestly, your tone overall is very hostile, right from the 'please respond' text to the carrying on the conversation about this topic when she obviously didn't take kindly to what you said. You should have left it at that first text in that series of three in a row in the first screencap. You're coming across as very butthurt but still trying to save face and come out as righteous and the 'winner'
>>16780393
It's sorta douchy. I mean if you come to a disagreement with someone and then after that write "have a nice life" then you're sort of saying "good riddance and fuck of let's be done with this shit since I have literally zero effort to continue with this conversation."
If you would be in person then you could probably pull it off in a nice way, there's no doubt about that. But it gets tricker by text and I can see why she's pissed.
Once again when talking via texts it's harder to read in the intended tone so depending on how you've written she may think that you are trying to change her. Though it's her responsibility as well to not instantly assume things, it's hard to judge without the entire convo. But it could basically be 50/50 or just her assuming to much. You'll have to be judge of that since you're the only one here with the entire convo and i doubt she's gonna find this thread.
Am I really a racist for being turned off by white women who sleep with black men and not wanting a relationship with them sexual or otherwise? I just feel those type of women are low class and wouldn't make good mother to my children. Plus if I dated and married a white women that previously was with a black guy its almost certain she would cheat on me. These types of women aren't loyal.
Wow, you are insane. Unless you can find some kind of study that says "women who sleep with black women are significantly more likely to cheat", there's literally no reason to believe that. It's just ridiculous.
I understand that you can't choose who you're attracted to but this sounds more like you have arbitrary and retarded standards than that you're actually unattracted to women who aren't racist idiots.
>>16778542
So you don't think its likely that a women who has a fetish I can't provide would cheat?
>>16778539
Please do not reproduce with anyone under any circumstances. Your gene line needs termination.
Hi, /adv/. Yesterday my girlfriend told me everything (I guess) from her past that she hid from me.
I wanna see what you think.
I'm 19 years old and she's 18. We are (were?) in a relationship for almost 9 months, but in a long distance relationship (it takes about 2 hours for us to meet). She's very cute, average beauty, and has a nice body, though nothing really special. My friends even seem to find her more attractive than I do.
I lost my virginity with her and she told me that she had lost her virginity with another guy, and also told me that she had sex with 4 guys in total (she was practically used as a object for sex), but only after the start of the relationship. On a side note, she lost her virginity at the age of 14.
I must tell that she's really open-minded when it comes to sex, what is really good; she's up to a lot of things. She also used to mutilate her arms and legs, but stopped when we meet, and tried to get rid of the scares when I told her to. Her school grades sucked, but she started to study a lot, for real, just to make me proud of her and have a better future with me; now she's finally doing well. She's always caring about me, gives me a lot of love, does what I want, etc.
Yesterday she left a message on Skype telling everything, saying that she had sex with another 4 guys (a total of 8, with whom she had sex mostly when she was 14- 15 years old), addressing that she regrets it, adressing that she loves me and don't want to lose me. But there is more to it, she had sex with the other guys even in public places and sent a lot of nudes of her to another guys online before we meet. So yeah, she's a slut.
The message also stated that she would disappear for 5 days so that I can think better about this.
Should I break up with her or ignore that she fooled me for almost 9 months and was a slut?
Another thing that strikes me is thinking that if this relationship works, I never will know what is like to be with other girls while she was a slut.
She doesn't deserve you, you sound like that type of guy that judges people because of their past. Or wants females that love going to church alot and save their v-cards for jerks like you. Good luck finding a "pure" woman in this day and age.
I cant stand people like you. It does't matter how many people she slept with in the past if she is riding yours right now and nobody else's.
>>16779220
She also lied and fooled. Please don't forget that.
The situation of the nudes was really slutty, tho.
>>16779220
Don't you mean the OP doesn't deserve her?
OP, it seems to me that you are a shallow judgmental person, since the only things you listed about her were her physical appearance, nothing much about her personality, then determining her "worth" to you entirely on that by saying she's "nothing really special."
The only person that would be gaining something good from this breakup is her, since she'd be getting away from a toxic loser that searches for random strangers' validations on a anonymous discussion board.
My girlfriend decided she wanted to go to the club last night. I didn't feel comfortable with her going without me and I expressed it to with her without any arguing, but she went anyways and hasn't said anything to me since she left. I didn't want to go because I was exhausted and I have to get up early in the morning. Am I allowed to be upset that she went?
call her ffs, if she doesnt pick up - be angry. If she does - talk.
>>16778012
Call her for what? I already told her how I felt and she went anyways
>>16778006
How long have you been dating?
25/f. If you have any problems, i am here for you. Let's talk, Let's chat.
asl?
I have a huge crush on a girl. I'm scared that if I get rejected, our friendship will be awkward. What do I do?
L O N D O N
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When I was a selfish dick, most people people were always nice to me and wanted to get closer to me. Since I tried being kind, most people just take advantage and shit on me.
Is niceness and kindness a meme?
I think you just have the wrong definitions of "selfish" and "nice"
Assertive people are very attractive. Assertive people have no problem saying what they want, pursuing it, competing for it when necessary.
Passive people are generally unattractive. Passive people constantly put other people's wishes ahead of their own, they hope other people will psychically detect their needs and give them what they want, rather than having to fight for it or even ask for it.
You can be assertive AND kind (ideal), you can be passive AND selfish (worst). You were passive and kind, which is common. You've known lots of people who were assertive assholes who tend to get what they want, which is common. So when you started acting assertive, you thought you also had to act like an asshole in order to make it work.
This isn't true, and while your new assertive behavior is improving your life in many ways, your new asshole behavior will also start to create new problems for you.
>>16776675
How to be assertive and kind?
Also I didn't become assertive, I was like that. I just had a moment of conscience and felt I hurt way too many people so I tried to be kind but it didn't work out.
>>16776675
>Assertive people have no problem saying what they want, pursuing it, competing for it when necessary.
But competing for it as a nice guy is being "creepy".
OP, you have figured it out.
The path into the light seems dark,
the path forward seems to go back,
the direct path seems long,
true power seems weak,
true purity seems tarnished,
true steadfastness seems changeable,
true clarity seems obscure,
the greatest are seems unsophisticated,
the greatest love seems indifferent,
the greatest wisdom seems childish.
If you've ever read Plato's Republic, they discuss how it is better to seem good, than to be good, and to really be underhanded.
This plays out in daily life all the time while these same people rationalize why good guys are really pieces of shit and they would want to fuck them if they were really good guys, while playing underhanded selfish games in sex and love themselves.
Good guys think of others, and don't want to hurt people, and if they do try to get something for themselves, its abusive predatory asshattery.
Assholes try to get everything for themselves openly, so they are seen as not being underhanded liars, and also seen as "confident" so they get what they want.
Back to Plato's Republic, it is a lament that those who are truly good always get taken advantage of and shit on.
Maybe it just means that most people are fooling themselves.
For some edification
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9XDb0nxSO4
The truth is that you must and should pursue all the things those other people get, because you're surely a better person than Jeff Dalmer or Ted Bundy or Charles Manson. You're an average, relatively decent, human being who doesn't mutilate squirrels, who doesn't rape and eat his victims, and who doesn't cause people to go on murder/suicide sprees.
And yet you get far less social and sexual acceptance than these people, because these people had "confidence".
If you complain, you're just an asshole who's trying to deceive everyone
I figure this is a good enough place to post my dilemma.
Been with my GF 3 years. Met when we were 21. Always told me she was the only guy she'd ever been with. Always talked up how she'd never done anything, we were doing everything for the first time together. Took her virginity and all that. She's my best fucking friend and I love the shit out of her.
Just found out a week ago that she partially lied about some of that. One night a year before we met she got insanely drunk at a party and this douche bag bad boy exchange student was hitting on her. She ended up starting to fool around with him in a bedroom at the party and ended up giving him a blowjob. At first I found out through a friend of hers joking about the story. When I confronted her on it, since she had lied to me she broke down saying that night is the biggest regret of her life and she hates herself for it and it was so out of character and that she was so drunk and that he got really pushy and tried to have sex with her, but she wasn't comfortable and her vagina was lockjaw shut and he couldn't get it in and she just wanted him to leave her alone so she figured if she gave him a blowjob he'd fuck off and he did. And that she didn't even consider it a sexual experience because she hated every second of it, where as everything she ever did with me she did wanting it and loving it and loving me.
Now, I'm a little fucked up about all this. One I'm hurt she lied to me about it and, although I can understand why she did. But it's weird because I'm torn between two places. One part of my brain now feels like so many of our "first times" weren't "first times" anymore. Like she'd been through steps 1-9 so its not exactly a new experience.
I feel stupid and lied to and like I was deceived. I wonder if every time she said that she's only done this things with me, or that my dick was the only dick she's ever seen(in jokes and stuff) that at the back of her head she knew she was lying. And I won't lie, I feel like she's less I dunno pure. Before everyone jumps down my throat I know that's complete BS, I don't want to feel that way, I'm just being honest with my gut reactions right now. She had built up this idea in my head that it was only me and her and re-enforced it and I started to think it was special, and now im like "and now there
's this guy, she's had some experience with this guy and I'm the niaeve little virgin boy who's only been with her." And I get jealous and weird and get weird flashes of that night.
The other part of me wants with all my heart to just say "so what?" it doesn't matter. I feel terrible for her and that she had to go through that, I love her and I don't want her to feel this guilt and shame she clearly feels about it, I want her to forgive herself and know that I still love her. I understand that to her this was a shitty non sexual event. she wasn't even aroused. It can't be sexual if you aren't into it, that's like saying a dog sniffing your crotch is sexual. Until there's sexual feelings from both parties its just her being naked and uncomfortable, there was no actual penetration and she just gave him a blow job to fuck off. To top it all off it happened before I knew her and can not possibly change the wonderful memories I have. Everything we've ever done all the wonderful things still happened and she is the same amazing girl I've always known.
And the weird thing too Is I know she's not my property and if she had told me this when we first got together I'd have not even batted and eyelash, if she had told me she had 4 or 5 partners before me I'd have been like, ok cool. It was just this weird idea that has been enforced in my head for 3 years that suddenly got shaken the fuck up and is causing me internal struggle.
I just seem to be switching between these two mindsets and it's really bugging me. Like some stupid monkey brain keeps kicking in and refusing me to just let it go and move on.
If you guys could just give me your two cents, maybe help me be able to just lay the whole thing to rest I'd really appreciate it. Just being able to vent the whole thing on here makes me feel better as is.
Please don't think I'm a bad person, I know some of my fears and thoughts are irrational and the last thing I want is to ever hold this against her, which is why I'm trying to sort my brain out here, in a place where I don't hurt her.
What she did doesn't seem to be the issue, it's the mindset and your image of her over the years that's been "corrupted". That and the fact she tried to keep it a secret.
Personally I'd me more angry at her lying. However, your not entitled to her secrets and neither is she to yours, we all have them. We also all have our moments of stupidity and regret, growing up is built on them.
You seem to have a good thing going, I wouldn't let this ruin it. Maybe your image of a perfect, virginal relationship full of first times for each of you needs to come back to earth a bit and appreciate that your both human and both still have a lot to learn from one another.
You've still both got a lifetime full of first times to look forward to together, don't fuck it up man.
I really liked this guy. He invited me over and we had a quickie, and we both immediately regretted it. I feel like that ruined things between us. It feels very awkward and he doesn't seem to want to talk to me anymore. I'm very sad about it. Is there any hope of salvaging the relationship?
You acted like a hoe, you get treated like a hoe. Learn from it and next time if you want the guy to respect you say no to a quickie.
>>16778667
That's fair.
>>16778648
why did you regret it? if he doesn't want to talk to you anymore then he is not worth your attention.
sooooo, my bf has this "female best friend". and he just told me that she's also his ex.
i was kind of bummed. i already had a hard time to get over the fact that he has a bff that writes him messages with all sort of heart and kiss emojis and of whom he keeps selfies on his phone. that he spends evenings with her alone, i tried to get over myself and not be jealouse/suspicious because "friendships with the other gender ARE possible" (i never really believed in this bullcrap).
but the fact that she's his ex is just a bit too much for me. it means that he definitely was/is attraccted to her. that they had tons of sex already (they where in a relationship for 2 years).
i am a firm believer of cutting contact with exes. and having her around as your bff definitely goes over my boundaries. what do?
oh and it has only been 1,5 years since they broke up. and he lost his virginity to her.
also, she's fucking gorgeous... god damn it.
Before you take any action, have you cut contacts will al your exes ? Have you ever flirted with someone during your relationship?
So many threads on /adv/ with the genders reversed, so you can read them.
Is it a good idea to have sex with a Korean escort without a condom?
I'm here in Korea and an escort agency guy just offered that to me. The price to get laid by an escort is pretty damn high but I guess it comes with condomless sex.
I would never fuck a typical backpage escort raw but I'm actually considering doing it with a korean.
Hey bro I love sushi and you should too if she is really hot go for it fuck that bitch raw
>>16777653
I don't think it's worth the risk or price, but I'm a 30 year old virgin so...
>>16777675
Sushi?
>>16777653
>Is it a good idea to have sex with a Korean escort without a condom?
No. Did you have sex ed in school? A lot of STDs don't show symptoms immediately but are spreadable immediately. A lot won't even show up immediately after contracting it on STD tests but one can still spread them around. Are you willing to have your dick fall off because of some exotic STD that wasn't showing symptoms on her or was too early to detect on STD tests (if you even believe she takes them regularly)?
Sometimes I end up meeting strangers for sex and it's fun but then they leave and I feel sad. Is this what life is supposed to be?
>>16777592
this is why a lot of people get into relationships
careful they're a lot of work and get dull after a year or so. then you'll breakup and "chase the dragon" again
>>16777613
I've been single for a decade now and it's getting old. Pretty sure at this point I'll die alone
>>16777619
Asl?
My hair usually looks fine, but around 16 hours after I shower it get greasy, and that doesn't look good around 9-10 pm. My forehead is also covered with a patch of acne. How do I fix these problems?
>>16777303
top of my non doctor head, speaking from experience and anecdotes...
You're probably either particularly greasy and therefore can do absolutely nothing..
Or maybe you wash your hair too much.
Everytime you wash your hair (or your skin for that matter) you're stripping off some protective layers and grease.
Your body will respond by producing more.
Sometimes its good to skips showers, or skip soap and scrubbing.
Or you eat too much bacon.
Or its none of the above.
I started avoiding fat foods and my acne is less worse than before. Not touching your face helps too.
>>16777314
I used to shower every other day and these problems would appear. Starting this August I showered every day (with a few exceptions) and my hair is still greasy and I still have acne.
I am just feeling bad about the world. Im vegan, been so for 5 and change years and I feel shit for living and interacting only with meat eaters. It kills me, because from my perspective they are all acting terribly. Though at the same time i love them. Its like living with a racist who is otherwise a nice guy, except its everyone. and FYI i already hear you guys telling me im a faggot for this. I get that enough already anyway but my friend told me to post something here. btw im 19, in college, and although ive entertained the fantasy i am not going to kill myself, i just am going to feel sad for the rest of my life...
>>16777252
Can't you just go circlejerk with the rest of the vegans? It's no treat having you around either, so it'd be best if you all could go make one another miserable in the corner somewhere.
>>16777252
Theres a joke...
>How do you know someone is a vegan
>Oh, don't worry, they'll tell you
Look I'm not picking at you.. this is legit and I am actually trying to get through to you here but..
You're fucking 19... You're a dumbass kid and you're still in that phase of life where you gotta be some unique individual and stand apart from the crowd.
There is some shit you're really ignorant about and have no idea, that one of your friends you love grimmace and hate you for thinking, but even they love you anyway as you said.
Live and let live, your life is yours, theres is theres.
And to explain the joke, Vegans are WELL known across the board for being little special snowflake pricks who cant wait to tell you how advanced and liberal they are, and thats very easily because it isnt about the goddamn animals.. its about your ego and your identity..
Veganism is stupid as all hell.. do you know what consciousness is? Its an extremely complex and high brain function.. without it, you are just a machine with veins for wires and blood for oil. No consciousness, might as well not be alive, because you truly have no feelings.
Guess what?? MOST animals do not have consciousness.. and you better believe dairy cows and chickens are bred to the point of extreme stupidity that they most certainly dont. They have no idea where they are or what they are doing.
>Oh but they try to run away
Yes, they do.. its called self preservation.. thats evolution, it built a machine that avoids shit..
it all started with a few atoms that got good at sucking up energy and making more things that are better at sucking up energy... Part of that program is dont die..
A large majority of animals dont feel pain, because they dont exist...
Keep your veganism, but keep it for you... do not put it on anyone else.. no one wants to hear it and you dont deserve to hate them for it.
I don't understand your post... what makes you feel pretty shit? You're vegan and you're doing it for a reason, don't let your mind be that weak, I don't think you're a vegan because you want to be unique because you've been like that for 5 years. People are not going to stop eating meat, you have to get used to that but don't change just because others won't change, if you have enough reasons to be vegan just keep being vegan.
Just curious because my ex was a 10dd and those were pretty nice.
What do you guys think is the best size?
>>16776431
>10dd
Was your ex a child with implants? Who the fuck has a 10" rib cage?
'best size'
10 year olds shouldnt really be on 4chan, go do your homework, Jim
>10DD
Literally not a size
I've been getting really bad RLS lately. It had usually only been at night, but recently I've been getting it during the week whenever I try to lay down to watch TV or nap. Even if my brain is sleepy the feeling won't go away and it's been so unbearable, I sometimes cry and have panic attacks. I hve a doctors appointment, but due to insurance and my busy schedule it's nearly a month ago. Does anybody know what I can do? I hve tried:
>otc meds. None work
>working out my legs during the day
>massages and hot showers
>avoiding atimulants late in the day
>melatonin and other natural sleep aids
>cutting out antihistamines
>deep breathing and relaxation techniques
>weed- usually helps but not enough for me to fall asleep. So my muscles relax for an hour or two but it's not a permanent fix to help me sleep
>cold or hot compresses
I think the cause may be stress or medication though I've delt with anxiety my whole life as well and taken the meds I take for awhile so I don't know if that's the only or even the cause(s)
Halp?
>>16775520
Not for nearly a month*
My b
take hot baths with epsom salt. also take magnesium.
Get more iron (animal protein, nuts, beans) and go to the fucking doctor because there are prescriptions for that shit
