Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1711. page
- Home
- Board: /adv/ - Advice
- Reading: Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1711. page
> Be abroad for internship
> Fall in love with girl from the office
> Rejected first time
> Keep trying
> End up making out after a night dancing and drinking
> She still doesn't want to do more
> Hang out some more, end up making out again
> She still says I shouldn't have any expectations
> Decide to tell her in a very romantic way how I feel about her (the last night before I leave)
> Invited at her place
> Start making out
> She wants more
> I'm too nervous at this point, can't get a proper erection
> Spend a nice night anyway, cuddling and masturbating each other
> Leave the country next morning feeling kinda like a piece of shit
> Keep in contact after leaving, dealing with serious depression for having wasted my only opportunity
> Decide to visit her in two months for the weekend
> She lets me stay at her place
> Start gaining confidence after the first night together
> Start serious sex the next day
> Have a talk about relationship, she still says she's not in love as I am
> Spend last wonderful night together after making love for 2 hours and cumming in her (never tried it before, felt so freaking good).
> Leave again
What do I do bros? Should I let go? I'm fucking crazy in love
Additional info: I'm 28, she's 31. I'm about to finish my master in 4 months and then try to get the job there back.
>>16767650
you can always keep trying
but she has made it very clear that she isn't in love with you.
so maybe you should stop wasting your energy on getting her.
she is not in love with you, deal with it, keep her as fuck buddy or move on, there's no happy ending for you in this situation.
>>16767668
>>16767666
OP here
I think you're right gentlemen. I really did everything I could to get her, just hope we can fuck some other time at this point.
I figured I would have been satisfied after fucking her brains out, but it is never like that, I'm just in love.
If she says she wouldn't mind going to a place, is she hinting for the guy to take her there?
>>16767629
Depends on the place.
>>16767688
A cafe
>>16767703
Then invite here to a cafe. The worst she can say is no, or decline for another time.
I recently posted an ad on Craigslist looking for a cuddle buddy. I got a couple of responses I liked, so I wrote them back in the same style as my post on the site. However, I didn't hear from either of them (and I only sent a photo to the first one, so that can at best explan that one; I'm average-looking). I showed a faux-autist friend (he pretends to be aspie because it's fashionable, hipster style) my email exchanges with the responders, and he said his diagnosis was autism, but didn't elaborate further. I care about the details, however, as I'm hoping to be able to at least partially compensate by conscious effort in similar future situations. So I'm looking for analysis of where I went wrong.
First, here's the actual post, to which I did get replies I liked (pic related -- it's what I had in the post):
> Newly single, looking for good cuddler--rated G--compensation possible - m4w
> body : fit height : 6'1" (185cm)
> status : single
> age: 35
> By "good cuddler" I'm not referring to your experience or spooning technique, but just to a willingness to cuddle like you mean it. I simply miss this type of affection, and I'm not looking for anything else.
> If you feel that cuddling you back doesn't fulfill the golden rule of reciprocity, I can also offer other compensation: drinks, dinner, or--you let me know (strictly platonic, of course).
> I'm tall, clean, European-born (slight accent), friendly, and I'm well-traveled and well-read, which makes me a decent interlocutor; I promise I don't smell bad and I'm not a weirdo and not ugly, and I look younger than my age. I have a nice place downtown, with a view (of other towers, that is).
> You're friendly, empathetic, clean, and are taking care of yourself physically and psychologically. If you're thoughtful, that's a bonus.
> Pic for pic, or, if you're shy, a description will suffice. Please write your favourite cuddle position in the subject so I can filter through the spam.
>>16767557
Here's one of the replies I got:
> Admittedly I think I'm quite odd being sleepless and choosing to browse Craigslist instead of counting sheep ... Platonic cuddling is such a good idea I couldn't help but reply. But anyway here goes!
> I think I'm in a similar boat as you, not quite ready for a new relationship but missing the intimacy (not sexual) - like reading together (or as introverts like me could say, being alone together), or even being read to while cuddled under a warm throw :-)
> Hmmm what else... Oh the describe yourself part - 25, Asian, petite (not thin though, average), employed full time, try to be a good conversationalist but I'm quite the shy/quiet type. I do warm up eventually though :-)
> So there's that! I'm not sure how this'll go or if you'll even reply with all the possible spam (or real replies, I'm quite certain I can't be the only who finds this an interesting proposition!)... I do hope you find what you're looking for, and if that might be me, send me a message.
> M
inb4 she's gaysian
I'm in Hongcouver so that's gonna be half of the people here right off the bat.
Anyhow, this is what I sent back, along with my pic (as stated, I'm average, so at best 7/10):
> It's refreshing to get a response that doesn't have the atrocious Craigslist grammar we've all come to know and love. I also like that you're a reader. No worries about being shy -- I used to be shy as well, so I can relate -- and I wasn't looking for a party buddy anyhow. :)
> How about meeting for a coffee or tea first, which gives you the opportunity to ascertain I'm not a deranged axe murderer or shape-shifting lizard from outer space?
No reply. Assuming it wasn't the pic that turned her off, where did I sperg specifically?
>>16767560
And here's another email I got:
> Does this mean I'm an amateur cuddler?
> I was hoping we could discuss your ad a little further. First off, congrats on being more unique than any other cuddle ad I've read. But I hope you can understand when I say a normal, friendly, empathetic, clean and healthy woman such as myself still views your ad with some skepticism. So my question for you is, won't you still need to find someone somewhat attractive before you snuggle up to them? I'm just of the thinking that cuddling still leads to other things. Especially if alcohol is involved.
> My proposal to you is this. If you decide to choose me as your potential cuddle buddy, no drugs or alcohol will be involved. Food and other beverages always welcome:)
> I am genetically female, in your age range but look younger, of eastern chinese descent but born here, very thoughtful of others and have half a brain so I can usually hold a conversation. Though based on your short blurb I can tell your vocabulary is definitely larger than mine. English is my 2nd language so yes, that is my excuse:)
> Happy Monday!
>>16767563
And below is how I responded to that one; again, that was the end of the conversation, so I'd like to know how it is that I killed it. As far as I can tell, it's consistent with my original post, so what is it that they didn't like that wouldn't have prevented them from emailing me in response to the CL ad in the first place?
My friend says I'm being too casual, but about the wrong things, and "let coffee be when you start showing off your red flags, not in the email". I don't know how to interpret these comments, and he's not responding now to clarify... Anyways, I'm hoping that some normie or near-normie can elaborate on whatever the various social faux-pas I'm making are.
> I should hope you're an amateur, as I shudder at the thought of professional cuddlers.
> Your question is difficult to answer because I've never done this before. My estimate is that the threshold in terms of perceived attractiveness is extant but a lot lower. Moreover, if the person I'm cuddling is too attractive, that might be a detriment -- after all, I don't want to end up needing to mentally command my body "down boy!" :) So, along these lines, the best fit would be a woman from average to cute or pretty rather than hot or sexy (and the the difference there is partly one of attitude).
> Since neither one of us is looking for anything aside from cuddling, I don't see a risk of it leading to anything else without an explicit conscious decision by both parties. I only drink for taste and only on occasion (usually cognacs at least XO level), but if you don't trust yourself around any alcohol, then I'm fine with omitting it completely.
> English is also my second language (ergo the accent I mentioned). I think that's actually helped me with grammar, as learning it was a more conscious process. My vocabulary, on the other hand, I owe primarily to Henry James and Joseph Conrad.
Holy shit help.
I'm 21 and a virgin until recently. Got a girlfriend and we've been dating 8 months. I think she's really committed and she invests a lot in me and I like our relationship to a point. there are small things that I dislike about her but I wouldn't want anyone to change who they are.
rewind to two days ago where a really cute (and younger) chick starts hanging around where I work everyday and eventually asks for my number and we've been texting about ourselves.
I had second thoughts about my relationship and thought, "this is my first relationship. Do I really think she's the one, am I ready for that?"
I was thinking I could just tell my current gf that I'm not sure if a relationship is what I want/that I want to see other people and say that this is my first relationship and I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with seeing one girl and settling down.
the fuck should I do without being a total fuckboi and a douchbag? I don't want to hurt my gf but I realize that I've trapped myself by not realizing this sooner.
Is it wrong to think like that? Is wanting to experience other relationships and people wrong?
I feel like I'm cheating to a point where I'm starting to feel bad in the pit of my stomach.
>rewind to two days ago where a really cute (and younger) chick starts hanging around where I work everyday and eventually asks for my number and we've been texting about ourselves.
If this is all that it takes to get you to want to break up, there's no way you can do it without being 'a total fuckboi' or a 'douchbag'. You ARE both of those.
>>16767348
Have you talked about being exclusive with your current gf? If yes, then you're cheating. If not its kind of a grey area. On the one hand you haven't specifically comitted to not seeing anyone else, on the other 8 months is a pretty long time, it's kind of implied after 6 months.
>>16767359
>If not its kind of a grey area
I think 8 fucking months along it's pretty obvious that they're exclusive. Are you saying that 5 years into a relationship you could *technically* not cheat just because you never had the exclusivity talk? They're exclusive unless they've expressly said that they're not.
I'm sort of strapped for cash but my significant other is really dead set on a garnet pendant with matching earrings for Valentine's Day.
I honestly don't know shit about jewelry, I've tried looking online but things are either way too expensive or seem too cheap to be true.
If anyone has some experience with purchasing jewelry online, I'd really appreciate it. I don't want to end up disappointing her with something that ends up being of shitty quality.
Pic related is something I was looking at. Apparently it's a 8MM garnet in sterling silver for ~$45? Is that a fair price or is that a joke or what?
>>16767283
I also don't know if $45 is straight up like, cheap as in "I should spend more." I guess with earrings of the same price it'd be maybe a total of $100 but that still seems like it might still be "cheap" for jewelry? I don't want to get her anything that shitty.
Cliché heart-shaped cubic zirconium works every time.
Don't ever purchase jewellery online. How lazy do you have to be to buy jewellery online anyway?
Which one should I choose?
>>16767266
I could have sworn you stole this image from WTFSocialJustice but the last option is "transnigger" and I'm pretty sure she isn't a racist cunt.
May i suggest gendervoid?
>>16767270
Found the non-retarded non-racist one.
>>16767274
Lol, I love this one. I posted it in a Facebook chat once and my girlfriend at the time got super mad at me. Then my friend got pissed off and started a fight with her.
Can guys wear pink underwear?
if they are gay
If you want, sure.
I like the color pink but am not the sort who gives a fuck about the color of his underwear.
bumpin
Hey guys, I'm trying to write a nice romantic letter to a girl and I could use some help, like things to avoid/include.
We aren't dating right now and we've kinda talked about it, but she was in a weird "on and off again" place with her now ex boyfriend. They recently broke up for good
Right now all I have is a list of quirky things she does that I really like.
>we've kind of talked about it
meaning she soft-rejected you and you don't get it.
Do not do this. Love letters are for people who already share and recognize love. You're not even close to that point yet. What's appropriate for your position is to show your affection instead. Take her out. Enjoy the quirky things in person and tell her you like them in person.
>>16767112
>>16767115
So no note of any kind? I was going to try to make it mostly casual, but still clear if that makes sense
I feel really jealous when the girl I love is out with other people. She's still in school, so it's every day. She's not my girlfriend or anything, so I'm not mad at her, but it worries me that some nice handsome guy will ask her out. I think she kind of likes me and I could have a real chance with her, but sometimes I feel so hopeless and I just want to listen to The Smiths and cry.
>>16767050
If you ask her, you could be the guy she goes out with.
If you don't ask her, you will never ever be the guy she goes out with.
Ever.
>>16767093
I know. I feel like I'm not ready yet, but she gets more beautiful every day, so I'm thinking I might have to take a chance.
>>16767125
Put no excuses man, you are as ready as you want to be.
> mandatory military service
> isis next door
> move to USA with tourist visa
> deserter as of feb 1
> got 3 months left
> mfw
this is gonna be a weird year.
>>16766925
Which country? If it's Israel, you've done a bad thing.
that is a nice picture. we need more stuff like that instead of everyone trying to be hipsters
there's a refugee visa available in the US, but you're probably not qualified
So - at the sex shop my boyfriend finally agrees to a prostate stimulator. When we got home that night we were exhausted and did not use it. The next day we got in a big fight and he said he will never use it ever.
How do I convince him to open up andd. Do sone freajy stuff???
Do some feaky stuff
Do some freaky stuff
>>16766838
You know, most people just delete their failed spellings.
>>16766842
The delete button on my phone sometims jams
Serious question though.
I think he would like it.
Im sorry about the spelling.
Please tell me how to get that vibrating massger into my mans butthole
So tonight I tried having sex with my girlfriend and it didn't go as planned.
>start making out
>she starts jerking me off and its going great so far
>I start eating her out and she says she wants sex
>I grab the condom and she tries to put it in but I go soft right away
After a couple more tries we finally stop and I could tell she was a little upset
What can I do to calm my nerves? She's not a virgin and I am so I'm worried I might not be good enough
>>16766827
lol limp dick
She'll cheat on you, break up now and play Warcraft for the next 50 years bro. Save yourself the fuckin trouble.
>>16766827
It happens, especially when you're new to sex.
It's not your fault, it's not her fault, just keep at it.
>>16766954
How can I stop being so nervous?
I want to die. Really bad. Like suicidal thoughts constantly. I feel like I need to get professional help. My family doesn't have much money and I don't have the nerve to tell them I need professional help. What do?
How old are you?
>>16766823
Does my age really matter?
I'm 18 but still in highschool and living with my adopted family.
Apply for medicaid if you think you'd qualify (if you're over 18). If not, talk to whoever manages your family's finances (mom or dad, usually) and ask if they've considered applying.
If you already have health insurance, congratulations! See a psychiatrist.
>I wish I could be more helpful but honestly I only got the help I needed when I was put into a psychiatric hospital
Here are some links which may or may not help.
Finding a mental health provider: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/mental-illness/in-depth/mental-health-providers/art-20045530
Finding a therapist (get one if you can, they really do help): http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/how-to-find-therapist
Dealing with suicidal thoughts: http://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-help-dealing-with-your-suicidal-thoughts-and-feelings.htm
A list of suicide hotlines by country (find a relevant one and put it in your phone's contacts -- that way if you need it, it'll be on hand): http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
There's this girl. I'm super into her, and she appears very much into me, very comfortable around me, lets me walk her to her dorm all the time, etc. I spent the first 18 years of my life as a social retard, but now I'm in college. Not a goddamn clue how to make the first move/ escalate the relationship. I literally beat the shit out of myself every night for not knowing what to do.
Should I attempt to hold her hand? I get the constant googly eyes and hold her with eye contact. Very good at that (one of the few things I've learned how to do, despite being a social retard).
Should I make my goal the first kiss? We see each other at a college organization, and we don't really have formal "dates". Should I try asking her out on more of a formal sort of date?
Okay gf has trust issues with me since I started talking to a girl after we broke up before, we are together now.
>Yesterday
>Afterwork I say I am going to her house
>She says to save gas so we can go more places Friday
>Sounds like a good idea to me so I head home (Take note I have been over her house every single day since we got back together 2 weeks straight including this day)
>I get home and text her
>she gives Short "no" responses
>I text her more
>No response
>I call her 3 times
>No response
>I text some more
>No response
>I fall asleep
>Text her in the mornig, nothing
>I go to her house before work
>She doesn't let me in and is mad that I gave up trying to get a hold of her and basically says I had a reason(cheating) for wanting to be home.
It's afterwork now and I am waiting for her to get home, I need help on how to approach this.
OP here, for those curious I am indeed currently waiting outside her house in my car for her and her mom to come home. I plan to approach her when they come in and ask her to talk.
So she's mad when it was obvious she didn't want to talk to you for some stupid reason? Ask her why she began with the short texts then went to ignoring you. And ask how you not wanting to waste your time blowing up her phone when she didn't want to talk? Because you fell asleep you cheated. Lol
>>16766864
There is no reasoning with her but I am going to try. And I did blow up her phone but apparently it wasn't enough.
![1454575742819[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/ekFx0HX.jpg "1454575742819[1]")
![1454576075573[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/GpSVkCp.jpg "1454576075573[1]")
![1454576558035[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/eSq9bWB.jpg "1454576558035[1]")
![71fdI99u3vL._UX679_[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/5eyreMR.jpg "71fdI99u3vL. UX679 [1]")
