Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1330. page
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I'm a 19 y/o female and quite frankly, I have no positive thoughts on my appearance. I used to be ok with this - I accepted I wasn't my own cup of tea and also accepted that I could be others, but that just isn't cutting it anymore (good run tho).
I'm just incredibly down about my appearance and its been affecting my sex drive thus affecting my relationship + I tend to put myself in a poor mood thinking about it.
I don't know how other people raise their self esteem without just blatantly lying to themselves for a few months. I decided to start losing weight to get off the chubbier side (22.5 bmi), but I'm still stuck with my face, even then. I've also begun studying more frequently in my free time because I thought that would help for some reason.
Advice on either how to get it to stop running other parts of my life or on how to improve self esteem would be great.
>>16908881
What about start wearing makeup or clothes that make you feel sexy / pretty?
>>16908940
I was toying with the idea except it brings a whole new set of problems I have to work on, honestly.
I've never worn makeup - I wasn't allowed when I lived with my parents and I don't really have the money to go and spend on those products since I have none at all. Then to learn how to use them... Same with clothes - dressed very conservatively over my parents (I still can't wear tanktops without feeling uncomfortable), and I haven't the money to get anything else.
>>16908998
Ask your bf if he can buy you some? Does he work...? Could you find a job if possible?
When May 19th hits I'm going to be a 19 year old virgin, I'm tired of it, I'm tired of life, I have 0 motivation to do anything except try to get laid, and I keep fantasizing about just packing my shit up and going somwhere far away to just fuck non stop and get my shit straight before finally coming back and starting to build a life for myself.
I really need this or something like it in my life, this has to end, I can't keep living like this much longer.
Something like this except minus the "originally going to kill himself" part
http://totalfratmove.com/guy-goes-to-mexico-to-kill-himself-spends-week-doing-coke-and-banging-hookers-decides-to-keep-living/
Fuck everything as in fuck society and its hedonistic tendencies and withdraw into a spiritual retreat wherein you gain utmost confidence, assurance, self-confidence and wisdom?
or
Fuck everything, let's just do blow and fuck hookers?
fuck bitches and shoot a cop ;)
How do you process rejection?
I'm 24 and just got rejected by the 19 y/o girl I was "seeing" for several months. First time ever being rejected and it's eating me alive. I feel what I process as love for this girl.
I broke it off because she is damaged at her core, and cannot make a commitment to me outside of abusive sex.
I enjoy our sex life to the fullest extent but I also care for her in a very tender way. I just don't know how to process what I'm feeling; it's intense and either loathing or love.
How have you dealt with emotions like this in the past?
For reference, I'm not hurting for female attention. I have 3 other women I sleep with regularly but I wanted something with this woman. We clicked by her own admission, she had/has feelings. She just couldn't commit the way I needed, I was going to be a partner or nothing and I chose nothing.
If I go to a local singles bar in the Midwest town I live in, I have little to no luck meeting girls interested in me. However, every time I go to clubs in the nearby city I have considerably more success with the ladies. Has anyone else here experienced something like this in your area?
>>16908822
In there are more sluts in the city/clubs. Most people who go to clubs are there with the purpose to get a one night stand.
>>16908854
Well I mean single bars/clubs in both areas, my bad. I just feel like the demographics are widely varied just a half hour apart
>>16908822
Well yes. I live in a small town with little crime and no real nightlife except a couple bars. The large city just 30 minutes away has lots of gang crime and city sluts in general. Cities are garbage.
So I am a fat yaoi fangirl and i want to stop erotic daydreaming right now.
What do
>>16908809
focus on something more productive that you can enjoy.
I really don't know what the fuck you mean, but I'll give you some good advice.
Stop being a fat yaoi fangirl.
>>16908809
Start writing your fantasies
what series are you into by the way?
I'm 19, and my romantic life has been as follows
Fell in love with a woman I never dated in high school.
Dated a girl I was into at the time, but our differences drifted us apart. Only woman I've had sex with.
Was seeing another girl off and on for six months.
I've been "into" other girls before, but nothing like the three above. Sometimes there are strangers, like the other night a girl approached me at a concert, chatted me up, offered to buy me a drink, etc. Felt a connection with her. She wandered off without me noticing before I asked for her number. Those will usually stick around in my head for the next week and then I forget about them for the most part.
But with any woman that get's stuck in my head for an elongated period of time, I have a system for "losing any feelings for them" which is where instead of dwelling on any feelings I had for them, I just masturbate to them. When I just sexualize them as objects to dominate instead of people that I had strong feelings for, it makes me forget about any romantic feelings I had for them. In turn, it makes the process of getting over them extremely easy.
Is this a healthy way of processing my emotions? I still treat them with respect and as human beings when I see them in public, but it's the only way I know how to but a cap and diminish my feelings for them.
Bumping because curious
>unhealthy
Hard to see why it would be unhealthy aside from classic conditioning. If you masturbate to them as objects then your (subconscious) assumptions about them will be that they're just sex objects really. So when you meet them again that could be problematic. But as you say, you treat them with respect. You're not your conditioning, you can work against that. But all of this is assuming your fantasy about them is associated to them. It's not entirely sure that it is. Personally I've done similar things and eventually I realized that my mental image of them when masturbating was really just a projection of what I wanted them to be like but with (most) of their normal looks.
I don't see this as a major problem.
But I'm interested to know if you experienced the same thing I did. If you see any signs of conditioning working in this case. And if you have to actively force yourself to respect them as more than sex objects?
Terms:
Classical conditioning - you know that experiment where you ring a bell and feed a dog. The dog associates the ringing of the bell eventually to getting food. So the body (and probably mind) reacts as if it was actually given food when the bell rings.
In your case my idea is that perhaps you get hard when you see them or have changed your view of them. How you actually act is more rational I'm sure.
I don't get turned on when I see them. My feelings for them surface again and I do treat them like human beings because I truly believe they are. Not just a facade. It's just afterwards, I'll I guess "cleanse" my mind of them by thinking extremely filthy things about them. That way they're no longer a girl with these things I loved about them, but just any other girl on the street with a hole between their legs. But no, I've never had to force myself to respect them. That just comes naturally whenever I see them.
I guess take it as a "drink to forget" but a "Masturbate to forget"
Oh boy...
So I have this date to the prom. (Im 18) We were close friends after all and get along great. Even when she seems distant from me for the first few minutes, she comes to hang with me.
I ended up asking her and she said yes. I was flattered that out of all the guys that asked she accepted mine. We got even closer after that. We talked more, started hang out, and even fantasized about the prom. I really like this girl, more than just a friend. So I decided it would a great time to break the ice and tell her how I felt.
Sadly it didn't go so well. She was honored that I liked her, but she only saw me as a close friend. Someone to have fun at school with, not to really have a relationship. I got friend zoned like hell.
I'm getting over her and trying to move on. I'm distancing myself from her, making new friends and what not. Hell I've even declined hang outs with her a few times. But I can't just leave her, I have a prom date with her. I'm not sure it would be right to call it off. I especially don't want to seem like I want to end it completely with her.
What do guys? I'm really confused here. Should I just go to the prom with her and act like nothing happend the next day?
Tldr: girl I'm going to prom with friend zoned me.
>>16909006
/bread
Is it bad that I can't relate to anyone my age? I'm 18 and in high school, and I have no interest in what most people care about now, like social media or videogames. I don't mean to imply that I'm better than them by any standard, but having practically nothing in common with most people around me has made it very hard to make friends. Even when I try to be social with people, I run out of things to talk about almost immediately due to what I mentioned above.
I don't have any close friends because of this, and according to health class that's a bad thing. Is there any point in trying to branch out? Sorry if I come off as egotistical in this, I can explain more if I need to.
So what things are you actually experienced with?
>>16908732
Experienced with? You mean my hobbies?
I'm 7 years older and I still feel that way, bro. I just cannot bring myself to relate to the shallowness of the common human condition. In the 7 years from high school to today I did as much as any other person, I finished a tour in the army as a parachute rigger (I wanted to jump from a plane and do the hard exercise), I did some school and got work as an emt, I've volunteered at too many places, I've had lots of sexual partners, but fuck I just don't care about any of it. I'm thinking of just re enlisting with a harder job, but the army is draining for people who have a hard time understanding people.
I have no advice beyond do what you love, man. Shitty advice, but it led me to a good life and a good looking future, so hey.
Is hatesex a sick erotic fantasy or also an irl phenomenon?
There's make up sex, which goes -> got hurt -> realise it was silly -> still feel hurt but love the person a lot -> fucking.
And there's people that just like to be beaten up.
Both exist.
> 18
> Not A virgin but barely
I have the opportunity to fuck a crazy girl, she's not hot but girls aren't exactly lining up to fuck me.
>>16908661
Depends on what type of crazy she is.
Is she like into mystical shit, political, or is she a straight up serial killer?
>>16908743
Very clingy, in and out of the mental hospital, cuts on the wrists, anger issues the list goes on. None of that would be a huge problem if was really hot but she's like a 4. I normally wouldn't consider it but I've had a dry spell for a long time.
>>16908661
>I could have sex with a girl who I don't like on a personal level and don't find attractive, but I'm thinking of doing it anyway because lol sex
Grow up.
I'm 18 yo dude and self harm, my parents have seen a couple on my shoulder before and were suspicious but I told them it was some sharp metal from the door I'd fallen on. My cousin self harms and they take the piss behind her back, we got a holiday in two weeks and I can't get to sleep, I'm so fucking scared.
What do I do
I'm not entirely sure I understand what the problem is here, please clarify.
try self harming until you pass out and dont wake up
>>16908659
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/self-injury/manage/ptc-20165430
How do people with generalized anxiety and depression pay their bills? It got really bad when I fell in love with a very religious girl I can't even hang out with. Now my abusive family will be kicking me out soon, and it's already hard enough for me to get out of bed. How am I supposed to pull through in this physically incapacitated state? I honestly don't know what keeps me around anymore, but for some reason I haven't killed myself.
>>16908657
Posted a thread yesterday. Got deleted.
All day I feel tired. I get power kick at night, but only for 2-3 hours and then I feel totally tired, because of all day of existing. Also, on day I feel lack of motivation, I prefer to work/study at night, but it won't work in these days. What do?
>>16908618
I had the same problem and I changed my diet, started working out and doing 6 week test booster cycles. I feel like a completely different person.
I also came here to say that this gif made me lol
So basically, he just broke up with his gf recently, and he knows I've been going after this girl for a WHILE now. So he decides, to ask me, if it would be okay for him to go after her, and he says he might go with her somewhere this weekend, and they might kiss, and to not get mad... He was the one to introduce me to her, so they know each other more than I know her, but I still know her well and have committing to liking her. So today they decide to hang out at my friends house together and basically all day, they would text me and rub it in my face that they're talking about me. They tease me and try to get me going by joking that they kissed or had sex or whatever. My friend is a fuckboy I'm thinking, because he gets into relationships and becomes this really fake person that he knows he's not, and once the relationship ends, he forgets about it and moves on not even one day afterwards. He's such bullshit and I doubt he ever cares about anyone. He uses people and thinks he's all high and mighty for having so many girlfriends in the past, when in reality all it does is show how much of a douche he is because he doesn't give two fucks about the people he's been with.
>pic not related, this is weed
The question ITT: should I cut my losses with this fake ass friend, or should I play it off as if I'm alright for them using me like this, they like to toy with people's emotions and lead people on.
>>16908608
Yes you should never talk to either again
>>16908602
They both are obviously trash, you know where to throw the trash.
Will the nicotine high go away if I become a regular smoker?
Yes. Duh....
>>16908579
Yes, you will keep upping your dosage but you will never get the original high.
Stop now.
>>16908579
>le smoking is not addictive meme
