Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1288. page
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I'm dating a girl who I adore so much inside and out and she feels the same about me, we will probably end up in a relationship soon.
We've hung out and (literally) slept together twice, but we never had sex because she made pretty clear signs she wasn't up for it by not letting makeout sessions get that far etc, didn't seem up for touching etc.
Last night she revealed to me she never actually had sex because she never trusted anyone enough to do so.
How do I deal with this, she is bothered by the fact that she is and feels like I'm patronizing or judging her which I'm not.
She says that with me she thinks it will "happen at some point" whatever that means.
I want to sleep with her and I think sex is important, how am I supposed to act here to ease her into this and actually want to do it too? I don't wanna see other girls.
>>16917408
You fucking wait until she's ready if you like her that much. Pressuring someone into it leads to awkward painful sex, don't do it.
Ye op just wait man
>>16917408
Wait or leave her
Does anyone have any advice/opinions about learning to use makeup after already out of your teens?
Decided to learn to do makeup in my twenties, but I'm kinda nervous to be doing it. Pretty much everyone else has had years of experience at this point, and I'm afraid my lack of skill will stand out. I always used to think makeup was just a waste of time. I've always been nerdy and not too concerned with my appearance, but I've realized that's important too. And it'll probably help with my insecurities as well.
Will post pics too.
>>16917398
tutorials mostly
First pic is without makeup and glasses on, I have contacts in the second. I also took one with eyeshadow, but, uh, I really don't know how to apply that shit so won't even bother posting it.
Does it show how inexperienced I am with makeup? And do I even look better with it? I'm honestly at a loss here.
Also sorry for the bad quality, I have nothing but my shitty camera phone right now
So I'm 21 in a college town and I'd like to hang out with girls more/be in a relationship. I have a few friends that are girls but the one that I would have tried to pursue is in a relationship. How do people meet girls romantically in college?
I'm a little weird because I transferred to this school and I have a full course load and an internship which leaves me with no free time.
I could go to bars and talk to girls that way, but they are really loud and counterintuitive for talking. Any Advice?
>>16917311
you meet girls by going to parties and drinking/doing drugs with people. make friends. expand your network of friends.
>>16917329
I'm all for that, but I work 16 hour days with my classes and work. How do people party like that? I feel like I have to sacrifice something
>>16917348
>i feel like i have to sacrifice something
thats the way life is more often than not. i work a day job, then on weekends i tend to spend all my time filming. weeknights are usually spent prepping for filming.
as a result, single for four years. i can sneak away for a blowjob once or twice a week, which is nice, but heteros dont have it that easy.
but yes, you gotta sacrifice something. its recommended you get 8 hours of sleep a day. you work for 16. thats 24 hours. and its not like you can just squeeze in an hour of partying before bed.
if you have any weekend nights off, go to parties and local events and local hangouts then. its college so sometimes a get together is just sitting around in a circle having beers.
How do I let my boyfriend know his breath stinks without hurting his feelings? It totally kills the mood when he's trying to talk dirty and I get a big whiff of stank breath and it makes me not want to kiss him. I really love him though and don't want to make him feel bad.
You love him. He is your boyfriend. You should be able to tell him anything. Tell him something like, "Babe, your breath smells funny. It's not always but I've noticed it before. Could you please brush? Do you have a mint or gum maybe? I love kissing you but I'd love it even more if your breath smelled nice."
As a man, we don't get offended about these things, especially if we are within the presence of the woman we are courting. We want to do our best to satisfy you. He should not get offended for you trying to improve his hygiene. If he gets offended, re-consider staying with him.
>>16917292
Jesus, you're going to have to talk about a lot more shit than this. How about you offer him gum / mints, hopefully he isn't an idiot and realizes his breath stinks.
"I love you but PLEASE go use mouthwash"
If your relationship can't survive that amount of communication, it's not going to last.
Might make him feel bad for a minute. If you're both adults though, it should be easily enough solved by him coming back with fresh breath, and you being way more in the mood.
>Start dating girl in high school (my junior year, her sophomore)
>It's great, really compatible, never had a serious argument about anything; lose virginity to her, move in together when we go to college
>My junior year of college I wake up to her trying to hide that she's crying
>She says she thinks she might be gay
>I tell her that if she's serious then she needs to decide whether or not she's going to explore that
>She says she thinks she should
>I'm dying inside as I tell her that while I love her, if she is going to be romantically or sexually involved with someone else then I cannot be with her
>We both agree that it's time to split up
>I already had little interest in college (I attended because my parents were insistent, my girlfriend didn't want me to go into the military, and I had a full scholarship) so I dropped out and enlisted
>Maintain contact with her for the next three years; we were eachothers' best friend for a long time and I didn't see a reason to kill our friendship even if our romantic relationship was dead
>Over the last year she has been talking to me about problems with her girlfriend; I always tell her that I'm not an unbiased person to get advice from in this regard but I'll try my best if she insists
>Help her keep a clearly failing relationship limping along for another ten months
>She calls me one night last December; she's clearly drunk
>She tells me she misses me and wishes we had never split up
>I tell her to call me back when she's sober
>Next morning she calls me; she means what she said
>I tell her that she should let her girlfriend know about the issues we'd been discussing (she had been trying to resolve problems subtly so that her partner wouldn't get stressed out - the girlfriend has a lot of issues) and that her partner deserved an honest opportunity to keep their relationship from imploding
>January passes while they try to salvage it
>>16917143
>February rolls around and she officially breaks up with her now ex-girlfriend
>Asks if I can come see her
>I have to get leave from my unit, I can't just drive out there any day of the week
>She says she'll wait for me
I have ten days of leave starting next week. I'm not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand I really, really miss her - but at the same time, if we get involved again and it ends poorly it would destroy me. I was barely moving on as-is.
Should I go through with this?
>>16917145
>>16917143
I don't know, OP. It sounds like nostalgia for what used to be may be clouding your judgement.
I mean 3-4 years is a long time to be apart. You are likely very different people now even if you can't relay that via text message.
>>16917143
>Start dating girl in high school (my junior year, her sophomore)
I read this sentence and then the last sentence.
Nothing that happens in high school matters. You are both children and children don't know the first thing about maintaining committed, meaningful relationships.
Move on. Stop hanging on to some bullshit you did when you were a kid and start growing up. Stop revisiting the stupid decisions you made over and over again and start making better ones.
So I recently found a flaw in myself that I need to fix but I want to talk about it here and see what everyone thinks. I noticed that I turn myself off to a girl before I talk with them, for example if I see one sitting there I say to myself nah she won't want to sit next to me she will think im a creep, which is a normal thought I guess, but recently it's leaked over to my friend group. We go to a resturant me two guys and a girl and I don't sit next to her because I think to myself she won't want to sit next to me she will not say anything but secretly hate the fact. What the hell can I do to change my mind-set and not put myself down before even trying anything? I feel like it will eventually leak out into the real world for me and not just girls and I will miss alot of chances and whatever else might happen in my life.
Be selfish and fuck what other people want. If you put yourself above others your self confidence will increase.
Just know when to tone it back
>>16916756
So basically just run through like a hurricane and not care about anything?
Lift weights
Guys something is wrong with me
Tomorrow I have an interview at the uni of my dreams, which I will definitely fail since I have absolutely nothing to present and I'm prepared in no way what's wherever. The worst part is that I don't care. And I feel like that about tons of stuff right now.
Yeah I've felt kind of down lately, but I used to have episodes like this before and somehow got over them, so I assumed this time won't be any different. I'm just prone to mood swings and stress, so I thought this is nothing out of ordinary. But this is different, it's not normal and I have no clue what's happening. A lot of things didn't go as I planned and although It hit me pretty hard at one point it stopped getting to me. I screwed up the few friendships I had and I'm a total loner right now and I don't care. I have no job and my savings are running out and I don't care. I'm drifting away from my family (which I've always been very close to) and it also doesn't bothers me. I'm not even particularly sad most of the time, just kind of neutral I guess. I can still have fun, when I read some mangus, go for a run, or draw, but the enjoyment is very fleeting and then it's back to nothing. I know that I'm probably incapable of solving this one of my own, but dunno where to seek help. My family, that is the only people who I think still give a fuck about me, are on the other side of the continent.
It's really bizarre. I used to be quite positive and happy-go-lucky type of guy (with the exception of previously mentioned moody moments) and I had quite a lot of faith in my future. Now I'm losing it and it scares me. I'm acting like an old man, and I'm barely past 20.
It wasn't supposed to be like this
Just wanted to say that I know what you're going through as I was in your exact same situation last week. I fucked up the presentation and I'm fucking around right now when there's shit to do. I don't have anything to really help, but maybe it helps to know there are other people out there. I'm trying to focus more on being a more thoughtful person, so you should try to keep going as well.
>>16916679
you say you don't care about any of the problems you have presented here... so what's the problem?
tell me... what do you care about? what do you really want out of life?
>>16916679
You're getting bored of life.
So a few weeks ago I got a girls number from work, we've been texting back and forth and hung out a few times. We get a long great and she has made it very clear shes into me but here's the problem. She's super into pot, cigs and acid, while I've only smoked pot once and think cigarettes are disgusting. Do I say fuck it and go for it?
Send her my way, OP. I'll make sure she never has a reason to bother you again
>>16916654
Just date her and ask her to not smoke around you. Id you date for a while you can look into trying to get her to stop but that's a little risky to do
How do I stop feeling insecure about my dick size? I'm pretty sure porn has ruined me. I'm barely above 6" and I wish more than anything I was longer
I'm 4.5" x 4.7" erect. Do i deserve loyalty ?
>>16916567
How's sex for you? Is it even enjoyable for the other partner?
Lesbian porn and microdick porn. Also, average dick length is, what? 5.5 inches? 5.75? So I guess you could look at statistical data. You could also date shorter girls, tend to have proportionally sized vaginal canals. Or talk to girls that have had vaginal tearing from fucking dudes with big dicks. Fuck, vaginal tearing, I shudder just thinking about it. Glad to have my 6.5 inch warrior if I don't have to think about that.
I laugh loudly alone in my room at random.
Is this normal?
I do that too anon.
>>16916541
Yeah i just did it 5 seconds ago
laughter is the best medicine
>>16916541
Even if it is, you're alone. Who cares. If someone catches you, embrace it.
Is it normal to have a really fine line in being drunk that you go from happy to cunt?
I like to drink on occasion, but if I get anywhere passed buzzed, I turn into a total cunt and just want to fight and be cunty. I just sit and simmer and wait for someone to do something slightly annoying until I want to fight them. This has caused me to fight before.
What is wrong with me? Am I just a mean drunk? How the fuck do other people get drunk and just become so lively and fun, yet, if I have more than a few shots, I'm a trainwreck?
>>16916536
do you have any long-term goals in your life?
supposedly people with high aspirations make for happy drunks, whereas defeated plebs make for angry drunks.
>>16916551
you're like 13 years old
>>16916551
Yea, I do. I'm a uni student, studying to be a behavior analyst for kids with disabilities. I have my career goals mapped on and am on track and everything. I even work in the field already, so it's not like I'm not doing anything with life. I also have a happy relationship. I'm generally shy and introverted. But being drunk just brings out the polar opposite of myself.
I have to split up with my girlfriend because our relationship isn't helping neither of us. We're always in pain, always crying, always arguing, always apologizing to each other for the nasty stuff we've said, our lives are a mess. But we love each other so much and we've done so much for each other we don't want to leave each other. I'm scared though /adv/. I'm scared of losing her, I'm scared of the pain I'm going to inflict on her and myself, I'm scared of being alone, I'm scared any other experience in my life will feel empty without her, I'm scared because there's no way back. All I want to know is if it gets easier in the long run.
It does.
Me too OP ):
I'm in the exact same situation with my bf. We broke up a week ago. I love him so much. We're often unhappy. I feel like he didn't meet my emotional needs much, and it was so shitty to want that and not get it. It made me really resent him. I'm absolutely terrified of leaving, I feel like once he moves out that's it and it's over and I can't ever have him back.
I know from past relationship experience that even when youve been crushed it will always get better with time. So that's good I guess.
>>16916455
Hey OP, can feel where you're coming from. Me and my gf split in october and then hooked up over the holiday season.
As far as I know, shes now seeing someone regularly which hurts like hell(similar to when we broke up). Honestly though, the question I always asked, and what you are asking, is it worth the risk?
Its hard to define but in the end all, it is. You have one life op and sometimes you have to realise that you are better off without each other. Being down and sad is a great time for self-reflexivity and development.
I can only imagine you two are your early 20s. Everything feels frightening and confusing but thats life, sometimes you have to take the plunge alone.
I'm sorry because its never easy, but one day you may look back and remember how scared you were and how you could've never imagine what were to happen next. Keep a chin up, it'll be okay.
Hi /adv/! /k/ here. I'm 21 years old male, I've never had a girlfriend, how do I get one?
There's a girl I know for some time. I haven't seen her in a while, so I asked her out for coffee, we had a good time I guess. Is this a good start? If so, what do I do next?
I'm not even that autistic when interacting with people, but I kinda don't know how to talk with women and I think I don't feel the same emotions as other people do, so I never really was interested in getting a girlfriend.
>>16916439
Be careful with then fellow /k/ommmando.
I've just broke it to my girl that of she got counselling I'd have to break it off with her because it would mean it would be harder for me to get a firearms license... She is not happy to say the least.
If you're from America which I'm presuming you are, just spend money on rifles and care for them, they rarely fuck you over compared to women.
As my dad says "if it's got tits or tires it will give you trouble" guns have neither, wish I'd taken that advice on board
>>16916505
>be in dicey situation
>be acquiring OPFOR
>be depressing the trigger
>nothing
>OPFOR acquiring you
>OPFOR laying down fire on you
>you forgot to disengage the safety
>you're dead
>you just got fucked by a gun
I didn't think it was gonna happen to me, but it happened to me. Luckily I didn't die, but dayum, never say guns can't give you trouble, especially when it counts.
>>16916523
Guns generally don't bitch at you down the phone for 3 hours, they also won't ever take your kids, car, dog etc and fuck off with Chad, guns don't become annoying little child like neusances when they don't get their own way.
I'm a combat situation sure they can fuck you over but when I'm in my back yard plinking my .22 they never give me shit and life is enjoyable. When I'm with my girlfriend its 70% moaning, 10%crying 10%shouting, 8% threats then 2% peacefulness and maybe sex.
Would trade my entire experience with women just to live in the US
>mom gives me the the option to take uni classes or get thrown out
>no motivation, fail the first time
>she's pissed
>take fewer classes the second time
>professors email me and suggest withdrawal , say I'll fail at the "current rate"
Should I tell my mom now, or try to prepare and find a job, then tell her at the end of the semester?
>>16916398
Tell her now and ask for a month to look for a job. Make sure you actually look. Then take the first job that comes along that's even remotely feasible. As in, don't take a job you know you physically can't do, like a with heavy lifting if your back is fucked, or a job where you have to drive a lot if you have some condition that makes it painful to drive. But don't invent reasons not to take a job just because it doesn't sound like fun.
What are you studying if I might ask? Why do you think you're not motivated?
>>16916514
Finance. I'm just too used to lazing around and just surviving as a C student, and that transferred badly into college
Tell your mom I'll move in and get straight a's if she lets me live there for free.
>tfw can't afford to finish college because no parents to pay for it or give me free room and board
Bet you'll feel motivation when you're on the street begging for a minimum wage job
I'm 18, summer's coming up, starting college next year but I'm tired of feeling like a lazy piece of shit leech to my parents in the meantime. Graduating high school next month, want a job.
The job climate for shitty starting positions isn't just terrible in my town but I need an estimate for how hard this'll be. How hard is it to work a register, I feel like I'd easily get mixed with that shit because mentally the wheels in my mind don't work fast, how long do they train you? It's long enough to get a grip on things right?
I'm usually pretty capable I guess but something about the thought of getting up and going to work freaks me the hell out. Losing free time doesn't bother me, it's the thought of just not being capable of doing the job outright and fucking up and embarrassing myself. Anyway to ease these worries or should I just not be a bitch?
c'mon
>>16916282
the hardest part is getting started. not to say it's a cakewalk after that, it's not, but you'll be all right. just try some stuff out, if it doesn't work out or you feel like you can't do it, try something else. maybe start with a part time job and then once you get the hang of it, ask for full time if they offer it. or if you're doing part time but think you should try something else, maybe get a second part time job.
and everybody fucks up. as long as you're not catastrophically fucking up, or fucking up everything you get your hands on, you'll be fine. just stay calm, ask lots of questions, learn everything you can about the job, and do the best you can every day. that's all you can do.
then when you get that down, you can work on learning when you should be giving it your all and when you just shouldn't give a shit. but one step at a time.
>>16916616
Thanks anon, this really helps puts me at ease.
