Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1283. page
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Okay guys, how many of you think it's justified to call people out on what they did when they're damaging you? Do you think it's better to suck it up when somebody's straight up playing you or you should take initiative and don't let somebody shit on your lawn? I want to hear your opinions.
I think you should take yourself out of the situation if there isn't someone of authority you can talk to about the situation
>>16919714
Yeah i agree that getting out of the situation asap is the way to go, but it's more about how to do so. I for example think that it is good and healthy to call people who did something wrong out and draw the line. Most of people around me would silently withdraw and avoid confrontation. I think it's not a good way of solving problems, because in long term you get used to be passive instead of taking things in your own hands.
>>16919730
Well it really depends on what the thing is. IN some situations, it's just easier to walk away than to start shit.
How do I become more of an active participant in bed?
>be female
>be in late twenties
>just started becoming 'present' in bed
(I'm trying to keep this as sexless as possible, so I can get real advice.)
I was sexually abused as a child by my stepfather;
He would
>rub my body all over
>penetrate me with his hands (he tried his penis, but I was too small)
>lick my vagina and pussy
>put his penis between my legs when hard
>set me on top of him and rub his penis on me
>make me kiss his penis
>make me rub lotion on his penis
>make me massage his testicles while he got off
>make me rub his leg (between his balls and thigh)
I wanted to say all of this because I never have told anyone all of the detail in one go. Part of me worries some of my memories surrounding the abuse are missing, and I have heard of victims fabricating memories as well (which I have really tried to avoid, and therefore have only mentioned that which happened regularly over the 8 years of abuse).
I've been through so much therapy, I'm at a point where that is no longer helpful. I want to rewrite the connections I have with certain acts. My fiance is very understanding about this, and wants to help in any way that he can...he often worries that what he does will trigger flashbacks. While I do have flashbacks more often than not, they are not debilitating like they used to be--I'm usually able to push them aside by looking at my partner and coming back to the present moment.
>>16919688
Problem being: my fiance usually initiates. When I initiate, I usually barely touch him with my hands, and then go down on him with my mouth (as that bit is not fully tainted--I never had my stepfather's penis in my mouth, thankfully).
Sometimes my fiance rubs my body and explores my 'privates', which brings flashbacks. I know he likes to do that, as he loves the female body...but I usually just lay there, and I'd like to do more. Is moving around strange (moving around as in, rubbing my body on the bed/on his limbs)?
I also want to touch him, but I am afraid of giving hand jobs, as I worry I'm bad at it.
Also, how do I say 'no' without hurting his feelings? Say, if I'm not in the mood...I have avoided this as my stepfather would say, "What, you don't love me?" and guilt me when I would refuse his touch. I love my partner a lot, and I don't want to hurt his feelings. Sometimes the flashbacks are a bit much, but I do avoid fully disclosing that as the reason, as I don't want to make him feel bad about 'triggering' me.
You can tell me I'm ruined, but I'm not. I've worked through a fuckton already, and I'm going to keep on chipping away at this beast. So helpful advice is more than welcome.
>inb4 kill yourself
This problem might be beyond /adv/'s capacity.
Bumping anyhow.
>>16919765
Eithout any bs advice? Sure, way off; though have you ever tried making the sensations connect with newer memories. To repress the old?
ITT we give dad advice to anons who didn't have their dad around while growing up
>if you want to know if people are lying, observe their eyes. Try with politicians on TV, mute them, and just study their expressions.
What do I look for in their eyes?
what did david and i do to you? why were you always so fucking angry at us? did it make you feel big and powerful to beat on kids?
>>16919637
Hectic movements, uncertainty, it's kinda hard to explain, that's why I (and my dad not so long ago) suggest trying it with politicians, as most of them lie quite a lot. You'll see it.
Have any of you anons taken a gap year in college? I'm a first year student and have the opportunity to take a year off to live in Boulder. I would, in addition to working some menial job full time, try to find some sort of internship to figure out what the hell I want to do with my life. I would also be /out/ in the mountains. All in all it sounds like a great idea, and this is something I can't really do after college when I have real responsibilities.
However, I don't know how my parents will react, and my gf would probably be really upset. We are already long distance but that would double the distance between us to 1,000 miles. I'm also a little worried about losing study habits/everything I learned in school.
Do any of you anons have experience with this?
Bumpan
In Boulder? Fuck yeah I'd take a year off for that.
Why don't you fucking talk to your parents and girlfriend?
Anyway to climb out of the abyss and into her "real" ladder? We haven't communicated over 2 months because she ghosted me when we were chatting
Yes, she's a "friend"
>>16919578
Bump
>>16919578
just move the fuck on you faggot.
>>16919578
Send her a dick pic, you'll leave the friend zone right away.
I share a house with a friend and another chick for college, let's call her C. We're all college students (hence the house-sharing).
When C first came along (a couple of months ago) she asked if it was okay to have her boyfriend sleep over every night. We agreed seeing no personal issue with that, provided he wouldn't sistematically use shit like water, gas, etc... (which he wouldn't be paying for).
This technically shouldn't be allowed as we're each paying our stay in our respective room and the guy is pretty much freeloading every night. Our landlord doesn't know this, obviously.
My only complaint with the guy would be that he showers every now and then in the morning, taking about 30min. with the water always running (he's practically bald ffs, why does he need that much time).
Today my friend told me she's been thinking that she doesn't like lying to our landlord (a very nice old lady), and I gotta say, I get where she's standing.
Part of me wants this guy to leave, but then I question if I'm just being a huge bummer.
Have you tried, oh, I don't know, talking to C?
>>16919542
that's what this thread's about. If I were to talk to talk to her, I'd tell her just that.
I just want to make sure there's an actual reason for my not wanting him living here. Wouldn't want to come off as a buzz killer to anyone here.
Like, yeah, we're lying to our landlord, but what are the chances of her actually finding out? How is she losing money with him sleeping here?
>>16919553
>How is she losing money with him sleeping here?
Tenant laws and liability.
If he's there long enough it becomes nigh impossible to remove him.
Also, she's fucked if anything happens and insurance is involved.
Really don't know what board this belongs on, but it is kinda advice. GF is on a roadtrip with girl friends, posted this on snapchat. Anyone got any idea what brand that is on the grey/gray box? I know the thin mints, but not that box. Thanks
>>16919503
stop being such a control freak OP, why are you analyzing her snapchat? Was she unfaithful before? Do you not trust her?
>>16919503
You mean the thing that looks like it says Dickhead? Not trying to be sarcastic. it really looks like it says that.
>>16919503
why is your girlfriend wearing true religion jeans
what is this, 2005?
So I lost my texting buddy, i've been bored and alone for a while now and im sick of it. Is there any good places to go online to chat with people that have similar interests? Not like a dating site just a chat room to talk or whatever
>>16919481 interpals
>>16919534
something less normie?
>>16919534
Is there an app I can use in my phone to talk in chatrooms?
Alright boyz. It's another post about relationships that you don't wanna hear.
Recently me and my Girlfriend broke up due to her wanting to go to college in Florida. This really upset both of us but it is what she wants to do and where she wants to go. Her parents can afford it and so we both agreed to split up very confused.
I'm having so many second thoughts about it. I feel like even when she's gone we could still be together, we were together for a year and a half before and we had stayed loyal to each other the entire time.
I just need help deciding if I should discuss this with her or not because we did not end on bad terms so we still talk occasionally. Is this a good idea or bad idea? Because I feel like I'm never going to move on since we had no problem with each other. If you see any flaws in this decision please point them out I really need help.
Thanks
>>16919430
Not many people can handle LDRs, but that doesn't mean you couldn't try. You chose the cowards way. And when she ends up sleeping around or meeting another person, you're going to beat yourself up over this.
>>16919430
She will get the D in college.
There is no faithful for ldr's in college. Women have too much dick in their faces. Especially if she's going to live in a dorm, she will have nightly opportunities to fuck.
If you're ok being a cuck, then live your dream. Otherwise, move on. Your choice.
>>16919438
>>16919463
Well we've never had sex because she wants to wait until we get married so I don't think she will want to fuck anyone...
>be 19, live at home for college
>Struggling with potential mental health issues for years, too scared to say anything about it
>Friends realize something isn't quite right too and encourage me to see a doctor
>Absolutely terrified to talk to my parents about it
I have no idea why either, they're great people and would want nothing more than for me to get whatever help I need if I need it. I've tried to bring it up on multiple occasions but every time I try I just freeze up and can't get the words out. I have friends coaxing me to just do it, but even then I can't. How do I muster up the courage to just do it? It's really all that's preventing me from making an appointment
Talk to your parents about it. Also, check out these links.
How to find a mental health provider: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/mental-illness/in-depth/mental-health-providers/art-20045530
How to find a therapist: http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/how-to-find-therapist
Dealing with suicidal thoughts (if you have those): http://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-help-dealing-with-your-suicidal-thoughts-and-feelings.htm
List of suicide hotlines by country (in case you ever need one): http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
Tips to manage anxiety and stress (in case you ever need them): http://www.adaa.org/tips-manage-anxiety-and-stress
You were kinda vague about your problems so I decided to try and cover all my bases.
>>16919416
I understand the folly's of self-diagnosis, but if I had to make a guess of what's "wrong" (if anything) it would be Borderline Personality Disorder. I stumbled upon a facebook post with a list of symptoms for it, and minus suicidal thoughts it lines up with how I feel exactly
Thanks for all the links, I was just planning on making an appointment with my family doctor, telling him whats going on and see what happens from there.
I finally brought myself to make an appointment, should I tell my parents right away or after it happens? The idea is so terrifying.
>Negative, pessimistic loner who overthinks a lot and gets stressed a lot over the smallest things. Also never had a "proper" gf as well as being a kissless virgin.
Is there no hope for me? I want to change, be more motivated, gain discipline and become a better me but it's so damn hard. I don't know why I cant, why I can't enjoy anything, why I can't work towards the things I genuinely want to excel at and do, why I can't look at the positives.
What do, how can I change? Nothing works. It never does..
Well for one stop being so negative towards yourself.
>>16919387
It's easier said than done. Everything seems to go wrong even when I get my hopes high I';m only led to disappointment. I try to think positive but only bad things happen.
>>16919461
Read the Sirens of Titan and adopt it as your personal philosophy.
What can I do if my cat literally never stops begging for food? As soon as I wake up and go to take a piss he's in my shit begging. He walks in front of your feet to make you trip multiple times and he runs up the stairs and gets in the way if you don't feed him. Every time I try laying down he just sits in my door way and stares at me until he falls asleep. Every time I go to the kitchen he'll start running in front of me and he'll start eating food out of his dish or eating random shit off the ground while getting in my way. It's literally 24/7. If I sit on the couch he just keeps staring at me and walking towards his food dish. If I ignore him he just jumps on something near me and makes a ton of noise and shit. Every second of the day he acts like he hasn't eaten in a week.
>>16919350
Give him more water
>>16919350
how much do you feed him per day? just curious
>>16919350
How much do you feed him and WHAT do you feed him? If you're giving him scraps, you're doing this to yourself.
I have 6 cats. I have to refill their dishes twice a day and they leave me the fuck alone (unless they want cuddles/play time).
>tl;dr:
>Got sick w/ flu
>Took mucinex, it helped stop headaches, soreness and pressure
>Still had awful sorethroat and cough
>Took Halls Menthol cough drop
>Didn't do in anything, in addition now I have this nasty lingering taste in the back of my throat that won't go away + the difficulty in swallowing/bad cough/sorethroat combo
>Haven't been able to sleep in 24 hours as a result
>Completely exhausted
>Trying different foods/drinks to alleviate taste of menthol in back of throat but nothing works
>Not sure what else to do to treat flu
>halp
I almost never get sick, but when I do get sick, it's pretty severe.
I came down with a pretty bad flu I'm guessing. It started around Friday last week. Really bad headache, lot's of pressure in the head/nasal cavity, feeling really hot, soreness all over, really really bad sore throat accompanied by a bad cough. Basically been miserable the past few days.
I normally don't take any medicine because I don't feel it ever does anything for me and I'm just paranoid about the stuff in general. However, I was on spring break from school + paid vacation from work and I was fed up with being sick and decided I didn't want to waste my entire vacation sick so I caved and went to the store and bought some Mucinex as well as some Halls Cough Drops.
1/2
2/2
Upon taking the Mucinex I felt almost immediate relief from the high pressure in my head, head aches, nasal cavity, and soreness, but my sore throat and cough still persisted. So I took a cough drop and it was gross. I didn't look when I bought it, but it apparently contained menthol.
Now I have this nasty lingering menthol taste in the back of my throat the won't go away and it honestly feels worse than the flu because it's so distracting and generates so much saliva that I can't fall asleep.
I've been awake over 24 hours now just coughing and spitting up trying desperately to fall asleep but I can't.
I keep trying to eat/drink different things open to "wash out" the taste of the menthol in back of my throat, but everything only lasts temporarily until it comes back.
I guess my question is what can I do to alleviate this nasty taste of menthol that's in the back of my throat, and is there anything else I should be doing to help my flu?
Apologies if this is incoherent or poorly written. Like I said, I've been up for over 24 hours with an awful flu and I'm completely exhausted.
i'm sorry to tell you what you probably already know, but you just have to wait it out, take some rest, stay hydrated, drink something warm like tea, and try to get some sleep, it's really important.
>>16919437
Yeah, I figured as much. Just wanted to know if there's anything I can do to expedite the process...
I've been drinking a lot of water. So much so that I'm burping near constantly. Water however d doesn't really dilute the menthol taste, in fact, it feels like it amplifies it. I'll usually down a glass of water, build up a ton of saliva, have to spit it all out because swallowing is so painful/awakens that menthol taste that is so horrible in my mouth. Then I go and get a glass of cranberry juice or in this chocolate milk since they're actually soothing to go down.
As for tea, I tried some green tea but amplified that menthol taste even more so and it didn't seem to be helping with my sorethroat anyways so I said forget that.
Thanks for the advice anyways. More so just wallowing in self pity at this point
How do I ask a girl out via text message? I'm awkward at texting and it makes me a bit nervous not seeing the other person's body language. Do I need to chat a bit first? How do I know when the right time is? Any other advice?
It would be easier face to face but I don't think I can meet her irl soon unless I ask her to. I want to invite her to a free concert from crappy local bands that she may be interested in.
If you need more info, this is a girl I've met a few times before. We are both in our early 20s. The most we hung out before was at another free concert we went to with our mutual friends and we seemed to get along nice, we have a lot of stuff in common. I haven't seen her in about 2 months since she had an argument with these mutual friends I hang out with.
Thanks!
Talk a little bit (how have you been bla bla) Hey i'd like to take you to (insert date)
>>16919269
it sounds like you might not even be on her radar I would chat her up a bit over text first or even better figure out a way to see her in person since attraction through text is so fucking hard
>>16919304
Thanks
>>16919332
Yeah I think you are right, thanks. Thing is this concert thing I want to go to with her is this weekend already (I only found out 2 days ago about it). I don't know if in that case I should still invite her but make it sound way more casual than a date.
Ugly friends, how do you deal with being ugly. Never thought of myself that way, but i've been told numerous times I'm not good looking. I make lots of music, have great friends and have a pretty fulfilling job, but I just can't shake the fact that i'm ugly.
As someone who is considered quite conventionally attractive, I've dated many people considered ugly if they have a great talent or a kind and sweet or bright personality. I prefer it in a way because you get deeper personalities and they're not as cunty. Just my 2 cents.
>>16919254
That's a relief, i've had some very very attractive girlfriends, conventionally attractive. So that's why I never considered myself unattractive, but after being told numerous times, it's just kind of a punch in the gut
>>16919257
>>16919254
Last time I post on /soc/... just wanted to have some fun, ended up leaving with my tail between my legs.
