Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 829. page
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Hey /adv/,
How are you feeling today?
nervous and tired
think I'm going to go for a bike ride and try to chill out for a bit
8
I feel very calm, but I'm not sure it's a good calm
Calm before the storm type shit, or maybe it's nothing.
How are you, OP? Did you go outside and feel the breeze on your face today? Ask your mother how she was? Let us all know.
How can I fix this?
>>17132172
By practicing, obviously. Try to surround yourself with people with whom you can talk out loud as if you were putting things down in writing. You'll eventually end up building confidence. :-)
>>17132172
idk, i have the opposite problem though, I'm a decent conversationalist in person but online communication is difficult for me. and forget like tinder and shit. i can write a paper though.
I have the same problem. Double bachelors (one in English, one in an actual major) under my belt but most of the time when I talk I sound like a dumb bro.
Not thinking about what I'm going to say before I say it helps. Turns out that if I shut off verbal filter I say sound way less stupid.
>date girl
>she starts getting fat FAST over the months, starts letting her looks slide
>leave her
>get called an asshole and selfish
How am I an asshole? Why am I expected to not notice the obvious change in her appearance? How can I keep any sexual relationship for someone I have no physical attraction for?
This is like if I attracted a girl by being super confident and then later into the relationship I become needy and over-sensitive.
What...
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>>17131889
i say u r a moran. dat girls are the best! i gave my gf dnp so she could lose weight and boy do i regret it.
>>17131889
>How am I an asshole?
Well you left someone because of conflicting standards and preferences of appearances, to start. Your standards of attraction clearly didn't match her standards of attraction, which means you must be the superficial asshole who can't be attracted to someone despite their physical flaws and disparities.
You have standards that you adhere to, and she didn't match that, and you look like an asshole for not accepting her regardless of her physical...
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Assuming this isn't bait: you're not in the wrong for not finding her attractive, but you certainly didn't handle this like a mature adult.
You know what to do
I am probably loosing it, but I have followed my gut to be friendly and invite her to hang out with some friends. She is busy then(Bros graduation and finals, just a bad time to arrange stuff.) but we agreed to do something soon, but it ended with me telling her to text me when she wants something, and she replied telling me to do the same.
I am probably a bit hopeless though as I am kinda still hoping that she will reach out to do something. Though I know it won't happen
I'm talking to her and it doesn't seem like it's going well. My body is cold almost to the point of being numb. Fuck, this sucks.
Reading all these articles on the USD collapsing on the 28th has me feeling like total shit and i'm not sure if it should.
Why do girls get so butthurt when you go no contact after a rejection?
>>17131091
Because they want you to stick around to fluff their ego
no contact is the only counter rejection. They're telling you they don't want to have sex with you, but want you to still want to have sex with them.
>>17131091
because it ruins the validation aspect of being asked out. if you were part of their life to any degree beforehand it makes them think/realize that all they had going for them was being a potential romantic partner. men dont need much in a romantic partner other than someone to be attractive.
while tihs isn't entirely true or real or logical, it boils down to them thinking you only cared about their looks. they cant understand that men just dont have time for 10000 casual female friends. it would...
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>>17131091
Aren't you the one acting butthurt by going no contact? Unless you've told her straight forward that you're going no contact then fuck her she's a child.
How to not need to open up?
When i was a kid i had times where i would feel very sad, a few weeks, for no reason; as i grew up those feelings became more common, from once every few years to once a year, and now i have this every month.
The thing is now that it became so recurrent i feel the need to vent with someone, but people can't be trusted.
How do i make this need to vent go away?
"People can't be trusted."
I think that's the root of your sadness right there.
>>17130770
just talk to random people on the internet. This is a good start but IM apps are better.
Why don't you trust people?
hello anons, what's your honest opinion on a 19 year age gap? 23 year old female with a 42 year old male. picture unrelated.
>what's your honest opinion on a 19 year age gap?
There's something wrong with one or both of them.
>>17128554
you think so? care to elaborate?
bump?
How do I pick a conversation pack up with a woman I'm interested in without sounding like a weirdo/autist/buzzword?
It's been a few days since we last talked over social media (we both are away at college, but live in the same hometown while on break) and I want to keep talking to her, but the previous conversation kind of died down.
I tried Googling it but I keep getting wikihow-like answers like "ask them what their favorite animal is" which is weird.
Fuck I'm so close to acting like a normal person, I just don't know how to re-spark a conversation.
>>17134348
'hey hows it going' is how most people do it. then wait for her response. then respond.
>>17134354
Anything else that's normal like that?
Every time I try this or "what's up" I ALWAYS get a "nothing hbu" or something similar.
I'm just sitting on 4chan giving anonymous people advice, do I lie and say I'm doing something interesting or what
>>17134348
Get to da point "If I'm being honest I really enjoy talking to you, what are you up to?"
Dating a girl since October (she's 33, I'm 25). I live with my older brother, his wife and their 2 children, basically have a bed in the kids' room. She "broke up" with me on February out of the blue, came back after 3 days begging for pardon. Since then, everything has gone uphill with my relationship with my brother. I'm being deluded by her to think that he's fucking me over while I'm here staying with them, paying $700 (food included), and I argued today with him about that rent and the fact that he wants to go 50/50 on the new cable...
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>>17134278
sounds like all your focus is on your brother.
my advice would be to break up AND move out.
Moving out should be your first priority
Your girlfriend sounds like shit, but she is right about you paying too much. I mean jesus, I own a 1 bedroom apartment with utilities included for $850. I know there are different currencies, but that still sounds expensive to rent out a room occupied with kids already.
Also this >>17134313
I am so sick of being a observer /adv/. This world doesn't make any sense to me. I am a 25 year old male but I can't seem to obtain relationships.
I feel like I only ever gaze at women wishing I could have a relationship. I am so SICK of just watching but its the only thing I have.
I would like to pursue a relationship but relationships don't work for me. I don't have the fucking capital or the skills and I am too old at this point.
What woman would want a guy who hasn't had a relationshop by this point? I am playing from so far...
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>>17134106
>is only 25
>thinks he's old
>thinks not having been in a relationship at this point in his life is anything other than an advantage.
>>17134117
What are you talking about? Once you turn 30, you are basically dead if you aren't fucking wealthy.
>>17134106
i think the issue is you want a 'relationship' which is kind of an abstract vague almost imaginary concept, especially to you. you are wanting something specific it seems and dont realize that what you should pursue at best is just natural human contact.
>what woman would want a guy who whasn't had a relationship by this point?
do it right and she wont even know til its too late.
>is it possible to catch up
im gonna vote yes. i ahd a roommate. he was an 'okay' looking guy. the most '5' guy i had ever seen in my life. maybe even a 4 (definitely on a bad day) but never a 6.
he had literally never had sex before, and had only ever made out with a dude. i think he had a 'gf' in highschool but htey only held hands so do with that what you will.
anyway one day he brings home this really hot chick, a legitimate actual model (theres a lot of those around here) that you've probably seen if you've been to the mall in the last 3 years or so.
she was an 8 on a bad day id say. she met him at a bar, they hit it off, dated for like six months.
i have a large copy pastable text of hwo to meet girls and hwo to deepen relationships etc. but first thing im going to need is a picture or two of you and a realistic answer of the quality of girl you would 'settle' for.
How do I work up the courage to go to the gym? I walk back and forth outside the place trying to encourage myself to enter but I always give up and go home. It's been going on for months.
Do some home exercises until you build up some muscle and experience so that you don't feel so out of place at the gym. Maybe read up on how to use the equipment or stuff like that.
>>17134095
have you had a free PT session? most gyms offer them when you sign up. perhaps also consider just saving up and paying for a personal training session (50ish dollars give or take).
>BUT ANON I DONT HAZ MONEY
in 4 months you could have saved 50 bucks (12.50 a month) so just make the effort to save 12:50 a month for the next few months.
you can also try to find a gym friend that will waste more time than not.
having a PT show you what to do helps. i wouldnt...
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If you're uncomfortable about your body, trying choosing the least busy time to go. I go at 5:00 a.m. and it's usually dead in there. And remember, no one really cares about how you look; they're trying to work on themselves. It's only an hour and it will pay off immensely.
In a couple of days I might have the chance to fuck a girl who is really hot and REALLY experienced.
I''ve got almost no experience whatsoever(lost virginity two years ago and got a dry spell since), and although this girl knows I'm an aspie and is okay with that, I don't want to be laughably bad when fucking her.
So what can I do? To get her in the mood, to last longer, to fuck kind of decently... Any advice is welcome.
I'm aware that I'm not going to be anywhere near actually good, but I still want to do my best, as little as that may be.
>>17134000
just stay calm, and dont cry. try to poop before you shower and wash your foreskin and asshole out really well. keep clean before and just try to not spazz out before in the moments leading up to it. you can be bad in bed but be chill outside of the bedroom and you might be able to fuck her on the regular til you get good. attraction is more important outside of the bedroom than actual sex
>>17134000
>REALLY experienced
Lol, wrap that shit up you sad desperate fuck. Let the whore guide you, it's what you're paying her for after all.
>>17134042
Well, kinda what this anon said.
If she's got lots of XP, there isn't anything you're going to do on almost no XP that will convince her that you're still new. So relax and just stay eager to what she wants
Hello im a country bumpkin with a horrible issue. Im fine with driving on the small town roads around where i live. Even the roads of the small town not far from where i live. But i cant seem to bring myself to drive to the city or in it. The issue is i have somthing inportant going on next week in the city and im afraid to drive there but i dont think i have any other choice. How can i get over this anxiety. It makes me nervous just thinking about it. Help please. Also i have never drove in the city before.
Shameless self bump.
Fuck guess i am hopless then...
.
which city? has your doctor prescribed anxiety medication for you? can you drive to a parking lot in or just outside of the city and then walk/take public transportation or a taxi?
Hello /adv/, I'm your generic 21-years old NEET.
I moved out of my mom's house 3 years ago to become independent, but now I realize that my 'independency' was all bullshit. I lived in a friend's house helping out their family business, and lived a pretty comfortably with money that my dad kept sending me.
I went to the local community college receiving mediocre grades, putting in minimal effort, dropping the courses that I received a bad grade. I can transfer to a university, but I doubt that I actually learned anything I should know, and...
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Well, I've been in a similar position. I dropped out of uni two years ago, got an apprenticeship, left that as well. Unemployed for a year now. Living with my dad.
did the same thing as you, mediocre performance at uni, anxiety issues, whatever.
I did the same thing, just masturbating, video games etc, but you get bored. You're living on base instinct, little else, and you're probably afraid and miserable.
The things that improved my life were fostering self discipline and going to the gym. If you work out you feel like you achieved somethign...
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You lack discipline. Good news is this is a skill that every human can train and develop. The key, and the aspect you are missing, is to take small steps. When you say "I can't keep living like this", your subconscious balks at the concept. What could I possibly do to change? This is too much. Eventually things must change on their own. Rationalizations like these are automatic responses to stress in a mind that lacks the discipline to tackle such stress.
So, here's the first step you can take right this minute. You were motivated enough to make this...
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>>17133925
Thanks, I've never been to a gym, but I tried working working out. The sense of progress felt good, I'll admit.
Maybe I'll try it again, though I can just predict that I won't last long as I've been doing until now.
>>17133943
Yeah, I've written down list of the things I could do.
But the motivation to keep them going never lasts more than few days, and the attempt getting weaker and lazier everytime I try again.
Maybe...
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I met a girl a few months ago and she's honestly one of the best friends I've ever had. She frequently says she enjoys my company and seems to care a lot about me.
Problem is, I've started caring for her as more than a friend, but she's said in conversation that she's never really been looking for a relationship with anyone.
I respect her immensely and would never try to force a relationship on her, but not telling her how I feel is starting to eat me up. It just hurts to lie to her about stuff like this.
I've been thinking...
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>>17133755
It is easy.
Just ask her if she has a boyfriend. Girls are far more superior in social games, she will know what you meant by this and will act with little to no delay.
Just keep her company and maybe you will win her over in the long run.
>>17133953
how to get friendzoned 101
>>17133953
I know for a fact that she has no boyfriend, so I guess it could work.
I really don't want to risk the long run and end up being seen as a brother to her. I'd rather ask her out.
