Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 276. page
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I have a step-father who is difficult to deal with to say the least. He has major anger and trust issues coupled with high-blood pressure which cause him fly off the handle and berate anyone that makes a mistake or he believes has lied to him. His mood swings make me believe he may have bi-polar disorder, but I don't know. He also has paranoia and constantly tries to catch people in a lie, when most of the time it's a misunderstanding.
Some of the things he's said in anger or distrust can be very upsetting, such as, "Someone could just come in and murder you and your brother" in response to forgetting to lock the door on occasion. (We don't live in a bad area, but I can somewhat see his point.) Also, "Stop being a goddamned pussy" when I am trying, but unable to start up the lawnmower and "You're the reason for our divorce" to me after an argument with my mother.
He has constantly tried to get me kicked out because he feels like I don't do enough around the house and don't have a job. I use my SSI check to help pay bills and food and yet he has been unemployed for over a year
When I talk to my mother she just says you've just have to not let him get to you. It's very difficult to do that when he does things like, making fun of the way I studder when nervous.
Is there anything I could do other than, "just deal with it"?
>>17304909
it just sounds like tough love to be honest, at the very least i would say borderline personality, bipolar is extreme happiness to extreme saddness so no
>>17304909
He just sounds like an asshole in general, I'm sorry about your situation. The only thing I could think is moving out to live with a but that sounds difficult with your situation, and it doesn't sound like your mother is open to kicking him out.
Mentality wise I'd try to just keep in mind that you're better than he is because you don't need to be a prick to people to feel better about yourself. I know that's difficult especially in the moment but you have to remember that.
Hope things get better for you anon, know what it's like to have someone like that in your home.
>>17304920
>tough love
>"you're the reason for our divorce"
what the fuck.
OP on that note are he and your mother divorced or something?
>>17304964
No. He said that one time during one of his tantrums and got into an argument with my mom when she caught him berating me for forgetting to empty the dishwasher. She says we should give him a chance to change since a "Good, Christian family should stay together", but he has made no effort other than get some medication. No anger management, No psychiatrist, nothing. Right now it's nothing but a cycle of anger episodes over trivial crap, him thinking everyone is working against him, an occasional half-hearted apology, rinse, repeat. He makes sure he does most of the yard work and building/fixing things when needed just to make himself feel superior to the rest of my family. He seems like a pretty cool and happy guy, until you make a mistake or he suspects you may be lying to him about something. He does some mental gymnastics to make sure he's right and you're a dirty liar who's worse than a murdering, rapist, pedophile.
Can you make friends or get a gf with no discernable internet prescence in 2016
>>17304867
>have long distance bf
>no friends
>no idea if/when I'll ever see bf again
H-heh at least I have a bf, r-right?
Sorry op, can't be of much help.
>>17304867
Yes, but it requires you going out.
>>17304867
Like no social media? My boyfriend and I have no social media.
I thought I'd get over it when I got older, but even now I'm often occupied with how disappointing the world we live in is.
Because of it I live with a self destructive and caution to the wind mindset.
Ok Holden.
What is it that disappoints you anon?
>>17304828
How about you just realize the whole has always been like this for thousands of years and the shit you've been taught growing up were fairly tales. Grow up, and get involved or accept it.
i'm 18 years old, broke, and can't legally work. i can't live this broke life no more senpai, it's hard. help me out with some places i could look into for an off-the-books job.
additional information:
i live in miami, florida
i won't suck dick, fuck you
>can't legally work
go back to whatever country you came from and work legally
alternatively go stand outside a home depot with the other illegals until someone offers you day labor
>>17304832
i'm legal in the country, just not allowed to work dickhead.
>>17304833
How about more info asshole.
I need advice from other people in technical jobs.
I graduated from uni with a degree in electrical engineering. The job market was bad so I went ahead and got my MBA.
It took me like 3 to 6 months out of college to find a job. I took a process engineer job at a paper mill in Tennessee. I took the job because they had 2 turbine generators and hoped to use it as a launch platform for a career in power.
That never panned out.
Instead, I have spent the last 3 years doing odd jobs that require a brain. I do a lot of data retrival from all of the data we collect on our process. I do a lot of studies on cost vs production. I write simple programs to allow operators to do their job. I manage a small lab. I write their work instructions and procedures.
I'm paid about 70,000 a year for this. I solve problems but not the electrical ones I was trained for.
I would like to find another job, but I'm not sure how it would work out. I don't really feel like I'm good at anything. I spend so much time on bullshit that I'm not an expert on our process. I don't have a firm grasp of how our power or steam system works. And I don't have a firm grasp of how we recover chemicals with our recovery boilers. I don't remember from school. It has been 5 years with the mba and work since I did circuits or coding.
I don't know. I want to do more with myself but I feel like my lack of expertise would cheat a future employer. I just want to be good at something. Not spend every day managing dumb fucks from bumble fuck Tennessee, or combining process data with accounting data into Pareto's so management can make the obvious decision and pick the biggest line on the chart.
Like fuck, I have to work on a fucking training manual tomorrow and work with my lab techs on doing sewer samples. Who the fuck cares about that? Do you think I studied to get a fucking A in Electromagnetics so I could write a lab procedure on drying fucking wood pulp? But fuck me, I don't remember
>>17304818
>But fuck me, I don't remember any electromagnetics so what does it even matter.
>>17304820
Not to hurt anyone's feelings but I would like feedback from other people in skilled jobs. I realize we have a bunch of teenagers in /adv/. I don't really want pie in the sky, steeve jobs quotes, etc.
>>17304818
I can only guess as to what kind of advice you want since you didn't really ask a question but if you are looking for a different job then 5 years is a long, long time to be out of a profession. That gap is going to be hard to explain when interviewing. Best answer I have is to brush up on your books and then lie, lie, lie about your skills.
If you are worried about losing that knowledge over time then you need to constantly refresh it. In your case you may be limited to online forums and practice tests. It's like me and Spanish. I've learned that like 4 times in my life but I can never retain it because I don't speak it with anyone.
You sound like you are clever enough to always have some sort of job that pays the bills but that won't guarantee that you get the job you want. Keep trying. Hope it works out.
Hi all,
So I was at the mall and just coming out of a shop. I'm a guy in my late 20's. I noticed a guy was standing outside the shop and then kind of stepped back when I walked by. He said, "excuse me can you help. I said what was it and he said a story really fast. That he was with a friend and his car broke down. And that they needed to return some movies and he would give me $5 to $10 if I could help.
First of all that is pocket change to me lol, but I thought about my safety right away. I do work in the criminal justice field afterall. I thought right away that there was a possibility that they would try to rob me or something and where the heck was the friend!?
I just told him I was in a hurry and then said sorry and walked away quickly. What do you guys think his intentions were? I mean lets break this down. So their car is broken.. I assume at the mall if it is really true?! He didn't say anything about fixing the car, but it's so urgent that he has to return movies!? WTF lol He didn't ask for a ride, but I would guess that's what he was referring to? Creepy and weird!
I don't know if he would try to rob my car from me or pull off a store robbery and then jump in my car and take it so my license plate would be seen by police but not theirs?
>>17304812
If it seems like a scam, prolly is. Probably it was a test to see if you'll fall for something outragous that you'll continue to do other stupid outlandish things. Good job. I got scammed once by people selling speakers from their truck for $500. Started out as "free"
If he could so easily give $5 to $10 bucks how come they couldn't take a taxi or uber service? Also, they were at the mall so there are movie places there too.
>no motivation, passion or hope for my future at all
>feel like I just wanna die
>parents don't listen to me asking for help
>they just pretend everything's fine
>feel like their trial child
>starting to hate my friends
>starting to hate things i used to enjoy
>try therapy
>"Oh I'm so sorry. Do you want some drugs to help?"
>try it and shit sucks
Should I just kill myself?
Stay anon, keep trying, I've been where you are and thank god I didn't end my life because I'm happy as puppy now and everything is beautiful for me
>>17304804
You're worth it anon. Life has ups and downs but if you end it that's it, so stick it out and find something good to focus on. Travel. Even if it's just down the street, get moving a little and relax. Exercise seriously helps sometimes. Your parents might be in denial but if you need help there are places and people you can call. Therapy is a crap shoot and so are drugs but don't stop trying.
>>17304817
What made it change for you
>>17304826
I've started to lift and I've taken up hobbies like piano and sports but nothing's changed
Like some guy I read yesterday, I'm a failure, 31, no studies, no job. I've been with my gf for 2 years, she's living a couple hours away on a city in another country. We wanted to live together and she offers me her place to look for a job there for as long as it takes. I was thinking on studying here something quick in a couple of years to have access to a job, but I'll lose her.
Should I move and try settling with any shitty job I can find (no expectatives to study there until I'm proficient in their language at least when I'm 35, also will be difficult to study once I'm working) or break with her and study here in looks for a better future?
The idea of working flipping burgers for the rest of my life depresses me, but so does losing her. This could be either a good opportunity to be with her and get a job or the start of a career but late and without her. I'm worried about my future and about her.
Am I too worried about my future and my age and should just go with her and work from there?
Thanks for any advice guys. If you've had to make a hard choice I would like to hear your story.
Women are (most of the time) temporary
Diplomas on the other hand ...
It's your choice, but I know a lot of my friends made poor decisions because they wanted to be with their gf. In the end they usually lost their gf and have nothing left. It's a sad thing to witness.
By the way 2 years is not much and for me it's not enough to justify having a shitty job for the rest of your life.
PS : Why can't you just do both ? Study a few years, learn her language in the meantime, then move there with a diploma ?
>>17305763
Thank you very much for your response. Unfortunately doing both is impossible as she understandably wants to be together already and told me she can't wait for 2 years more like this.
I've read enough threads to know that your answer will be probably correct in most of the cases, yet it's so painful to do it when you're the one being pointed out, lose her & everything we've built so far and have that void inside for god knows how much time, and wondering how could have went in this particular case, had I decided to move with her.
On the other side, I don't want to end up later in life jobless as many middle aged people I've seen and with even worse odds of getting back in the right track. I'm depressed enough with my situation as it is now and I don't want to be a burden for anyone.
Right now I'm leaning towards getting the education, as that's the more reasonable thing to do in my case as you pointed out, but man the feelings are killing me.
>>17305826
>doing both is impossible as she understandably wants to be together already
This alone is not a good sign.
Sure it's hard, but 2 years is not much. It'll be hard the first few weeks / months but try to find a hobby of some king in the meantime, reading, learning an instrument, going out more often (to find someone else maybe, idk).
Breaking a relationship is awful but as you seems to understand, some things are more important for your future.
A diploma is a 100% real thing that will follow you wherever you go, relationships are volatile.
What is a good place for a 20 year old to move to and start over; maybe from scratch? I have my reasons (hellish ones), and realize hardships, but there are so many places and opportunities in America I just don't know which path to take.
do you have any skills and money? Do you have friends in any cities?
>>17304794
Join the army lol. Jeeze.
Berlin
Guys I think I may have ADD. It's really hard for me to focus on anything, even in things I like to do like reading or playing music, I'm always moving my feet or my hands, I can't stay still, I feel like I can't have a normal conversation because I keep changing topics all the time and it feels like my brain is constantly over-working, like I can't turn it down or slow it a bit. Plus it is getting bad to the point of affecting my grades and my relationships. Anyone here dealing with the same?
Set your phone or watch to 5 minute intervals. When it goes off, assess your situation: what am I doing? Am I doing what I need to do? What should I be doing? Reorient and go back to your task. When you find you can go the whole 5 minutes doing your task, bump it up to 10 minute, then 20 minute, then 30 minute, up to an hour (you honestly don't need to focus longer than that). The purpose is to make you more mindful of your surroundings and situation instead of racing off like an untrained puppy.
>>17304784
Thanks, that's really good advice. I've tried to break tasks into 20 min of working and 5 min of resting but somehow I always end up taking 2 hours long breaks, it's really hard to control myself
>>17304772
Everyone has ADD, it's a manufactured illness created by drug companies to sell pills.
Go to your doctor and get the hottest new pharmaceutical today!
>Be me, decent 23 year-old dude
>Friend and his GF were in down last week
>his GF has a cute best friend
>Drove the girls to Chicago for a concert, me and friend hung out in Chicago, then we picked them up and took them back
>the cute best friend is interested in me, I'm interested in her, even though we barely spoke face-to-face, since I was mostly driving
>she's in another state for a while
This should be pretty easy, all I gotta do is not fuck it up. We follow each other on Twitter at the moment. Didn't want to add up all of her social media at once, that would be weird. So I'm thinking I just DM her some basic chit-chat, ask for her number. Text her a bit every few days until she comes back. Ask her to hang out or something.
Advice/help?
>>17304753
Ask your bro to hook you up. If his gf knows if the girl likes you, ect.
>>17304753
Solid
>>17304872
I sort of have, but I don't see what he can do for me at this point.
I've been in a relationship for about 5.5 years with my boyfriend.
I've gone through periods of insecurity in the relationship. Generally around the beginning. Just because relationship was new and trust wasn't secured.
We've had a really great few years. No arguments, lots of passion and affection.
I realized over the past couple of months, I've gotten insecure again. There are a few catalysts to this.
1. I took on a new job for more hours and more money
2. Boyfriend hangs out with his coworkers more often. He fills me in on all their drama (how they all fuck people at work, cheat on their SOs)
3. Sex life is lowering. We're both tired from work. We still have sex like 4 times a week, but it's still less.
4. Boyfriend guards his snapchat like it's the holy grail. If I walk in on him on his phone, he gets flustered and quickly exits apps and clicks facebook really fast.
Any time I attempt to talk about it, just to get that reassurance I'm looking for, he just says "we're fine" and moves on. Which, I guess isn't something new. That's how he handles most things. I still get some aching feeling that something isn't right.
I don't know if it's just me. What do I have to do? I've been feeling kind of down on myself lately. I guess,not dressing how I used to or taking care of myself how I used to. I bought some new clothes and want to doll myself up more (because that somehow makes me feel better), but lately bf doesn't want to go out anymore. Nowhere I can wear a dress and feel pretty and attractive to him.
I don't know what to do. Sorry for my rambled post. This is just weighing down on me. wat do
>>17304751
After 5.5 years and still sex 4 times a week? Thats still a fucking lot. I see no problems here.
Snapchat is weird; maybe he is getting inappropriate msg but that doesn't mean he'll act on them. Snapchats are for attention whores, both males and females.
>>17304765
So how should I settle my insecurities?
I suddenly feel like I'm lacking so much self confidence and relationship confidence. I feel like I'm wearing it smack on my face.
>>17304751
Sounds normal for that length of time... Besides the snap chat. Tell him you don't want to look through his shut, but you're not an idiot and think it's really weird and just want to know why.. Maybe he has female friends on there sending selfies and shit and thinks you'll be jealous. I've clocked out of my phone really fast when my boyfriend came in because I don't want him to see me on 4chan and Reddit and make fun of me lol
How to combat BO? I'll take a shower and scrub the fuck out of every inch of my body, yet still smell horrible 1-2 hours later. Tried different antiperspirants, cleaned up my diet, etc. nothing is working.
I literally gag myself out, I can't imagine how other people feel around me.
22, f, 5'9" 105lbs. No health issues I'm aware of. What do.
>>17304748
Where more breathable clothing if possible.
>>17304754
I don't own many clothes, but most of them are 100% cotton and baggy.
>>17304748
>No health issues I'm aware of
Are you a doctor? If not, i'd probably see one or two and do it when you think you smell. Probably won't help but maybe they'll figure something out or tell you it isn't too bad.
My slut wife just divorced me and now I can move anywhere in the continental United States. Where should I move?
Requirements:
- state must have very few if any gun laws
- must be a medium to large city
- must be predominantly white with a decent dating scene
- must not be hot and humid. (hot and dry is okay)
>>17304742
Orlando. I hear great things about the dating scene there.
>>17304742
Texas sounds like an ideal city. Low taxes. No income tax. Cities like Dallas or san Antonio. Yeah, muh Mexicans surround you. But it isn't horrible.
>>17304750
Go to beaumont where you go in a walmart and see maybe 1 other white person where everyone else is black
do you think objectifying or sexualizing women in the media is a big deal
It's basically the reason so much is so fucking fucked. This board would mostly be questions about how to maintain vegetable gardens, written by people in healthy relationships, if it wasn't for sportscar magazines with hot girls on the cover.
>>17304711
>This board would mostly be questions about how to maintain vegetable gardens, written by people in healthy relationships
There are plenty of places on the Internet where you can find that. You can always look up home and garden forums if that's more your speed.
Think about where you are and the demographics for a moment.
>Here's hoping you were being sarcastic, and I couldn't tell
Probably since most people are outrageously easy to influence so 99.99999999% of women are insecure about how they look and 99.99999999% of men are insecure about getting laid.
