Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 2154. page
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So I've been together with my new boyfriend for a little over a month now, and while that's a really short time, I feel like we've really connected. We can talk about everything honestly and openly, and we help and support each other. I'm usually a pretty guarded person and right now, he's the second closest person to me emotionally – only my little sister comes first.
The problem in our relationship lies in the bedroom. Simply put, he has problems staying hard when we try to do it. (When it comes to actual intercourse, we're both each other's firsts.) He keeps telling me about how it looks so much easier in porn, how this makes him feel like he's somehow lacking as a man, and about how he's so used to watching porn and jacking off that that's the natural way for him to get hard. It makes me feel so unattractive watching my guy get limp right in front of me when we're in bed. (Though to be frank, I'm not very into it either at times... I have a really low sex drive.)
He's said he finds me really cute both with clothes and without and sure enough, I have a cute face, good skin and hair – I know because people compliment me on them and because I have good genes in general. The problem is my body. I'm really self-conscious about it. I'm not even overweight at all, in fact I'm close to my ideal weight atm. It's just that I used to weigh A LOT more, and it has left some marks on my body, most notably a flabby belly pouch that I just can't seem to get rid of and that I've complained about to my boyfriend any number of times. Also, my boobs are miniscule and frankly, kind of deformed. And of course my boyfriend is a boob man...
Cont.
The thing is, intellectually I'm aware that it probably isn't about my body. It could be any number of things: his nervousness due to inexperience, lack of sensitivity because of he underwent a circumcision in his teens (not common in my country), all the fumbling with the condoms and about which hole is the right one, pain due to the tightness of my vagina, my low sex drive, his being too tired after hitting the gym, his masturbating too much... there are a lot of reasons. And we've already come so close to managing it, and I just know we will in time. It just makes me feel so bad when he tells me he's afraid that my body's the problem that I always burst into tears when we talk about it. I'm already self-conscious as hell about my body. He's also said he things it's probably something other than that, though.
But yesterday he also told me that he's willing to try for a while longer, but if the sex doesn't work out, then he'll probably have to leave me even though he finds me cute and feels like we have good communication and a great emotional connection and loads of things in common. Made me feel like shit, to be honest.
Cont.
He also told me that he really likes me, but doesn't feel like he loves me or anything, and that's he's only loved once: his first girlfriend who left him when he was 18. He's been telling me about how he still cries over her when drunk, and how she dumped him for “a manlier man” and how traumatizing that breakup was for him. He didn't date for years after that. Well, I told him I believe that love only comes after you've known each other for a longer time, and when he said he almost immediately loved his first, I told him it was probably just infatuation because he was so young and inexperienced. Yeah,I know it's a clear sign that he's emotionally a bit immature... but I feel like I can help him grow as a person, just as he has helped me. Don't get me wrong: he's a wonderful guy who's committed to his hobbies and self-improvement, but still finds the time for me. He's honest but considerate, and kind but not a doormat. He's so different from the guys I've dated before, all of whom lacked any kind of backbone or self-esteem. Honestly, I like him and respect him. I want to make this right. But how should I do it?
never point out your flaws when you're with bf
act like you're perfect and a guy will blindly believe it
You'll learn.
I want to pin my 32 year-old philosophy professor's arms behind her back as I bend her over her desk and fuck her from behind like a godless heathen. How do I, a 24 year-old summa cum laude over-achiever, get myself into a position where this fantasy is not so far removed from possibility?
How badly do you want it?
>>16503049
She's an agreeable character. I wouldn't mind making her my go-to-bitch.
We've had a few long conversations in her office relevant to class material. She is particularly practiced in continental philosophy with a concentration in existentialism. She knows I, on the other hand, take continental philosophy to be a great big joke. She has nevertheless thoroughly praised my criticisms.
She's also shared a little bit about her personal life with me. For instance, I know she likes to play Fallout 4 and League of Legends in her down time.
So beyond the fact that she respects me in an academic context, I don't really know shit.
>>16503071
she doesn't respect you intellectually, that's called being nice.
So my parents are helping me pay for university and it makes me feel super guilty. Like I didn't earn it or something.
It doesn't help that every once in a while my GF mentions something like that when we fight, along the lines of "well MY parents aren't helping me pay for school."
But i mean, aside from financial assistance my parents are fucking nothing but sources of stress and anxiety in my life, they fight are irrational, almost get divorced every few years, guilt trip me, put pressure on me to be exactly who they want me to be, criticize my every step, and I've been in more than a few months of therapy due to self esteem problems caused by them. Where as her parents, despite not having as much money are fucking amazing supportive and loving people.
Should I feel bad for accepting their help to pay for school? Does it make me any lesser than those who pay their own way? How do you compare situations like this as if they are even? Hell I'd take having a good family life and not ending up this ball of anxiety and borderline self loathing tendencies over having cash for school any day.
And here I have shitty parents like yours who didn't even bother to save anything for me to go anywhere.
You shouldn't feel ashamed. Although you may want to reconsider your relationship. Seems like she's just another source of stress/anxiety and abuse.
>>16502947
>Is lucky enough to have parents that pay for his education
>Moans about typical things all parents do
I don't think you have a lot to be depressed about, son.
if you don't have a job or being the least self sustainable, then yea you're probably a righteous cunt.
if it bothers you so much that they want you to be and do what they want, go your own way and don't accept the money.
however, don't feel bad for taking it, your parents offered and its a big help in the end, it doesn't make you any less, maybe her parents couldn't afford to do it for her or wanted her to pave her own way
What can I do with my commerce degree, with major in Economics? Distinction average. Got no idea what to do with it though.
I did a double degree but my can't find any work with my other degree unfortunately (Law)
You're in the same boat as most college graduates now. There's not enough jobs, and too many people. The amount of jobs keeps on decreasing with the advancement of technology.
College today is basically like asking "Let me get in tens of thousands of dollars worth of debt, and be completely unable to get a job with my degree".
You majored in Economics didn't you? Isn't that ironic. The economy is shit, and eventually it will become so shitty that we will need to have Universal Basic Income, maybe just go flip burgers and wait for that?
>>16502803
>can't find any work with my other degree unfortunately (Law)
What the fuck? Law is very specialised
>>16502803
Work in a bank?
Just keep applying for jobs and see if you get anything. The job market is competitive as fuck. It's better to be underemployed than unemployed.
Hey /adv/, how do I choose between two girls? Tomorrow, I'm deciding to man up, and ask one of them out, but I'm afraid I might hurt one of I ask the other out?
Help?
Choose the red one
>>16502778
Well said
>>16502773
Describe them and why would you choose girl A instead of B or the other way around.
So my step dad took out a $3,025 loan at 150% interest rate in my name and stuck me with the bill. Initially I said no I wouldn't do it but my step dad said it was to help get the family back into a house and out of a hotel. Ill do any thing for my siblings. However, I wasn't expecting to be dealing with the bill myself. So now a year and $2,700 later and I still owe more then the initial loan and can't afford to keep making payments on this while trying to take care of my own debts. In the end I'm supposed to pay out $16,000 if I keep paying month to month. Any suggestions or loop holes?
>>16502662
>someone else took out a loan in my name
but that's wrong, nobody can take out a loan in someone elses name
for a start, your family was taken advantage of, and your stepfather was a fool
consider
1. freezing the debt, in my country you can enter into a registered debt agreement to stop interest on loans you can't repay
2. bankruptcy, why would you keep paying someone back money they didn't lend you, fuck your creditor
people say you won't get another loan, and to some extent that's true
but that is not nearly as bad as being a slave to debt
3. you could claim you were coerced into taking out the loan by your stepdad, that you didn't understand the terms, or what the repayment would be, that you were taken advantage of because your family was in poverty
4. flee from your debt, if you live in a country that's laws let you become a slave, then leave
>>16502662
>150%
Dude what the fuck? how?
>>16502662
Dude wtf in my country every family loan over 17% interest is considered illegal. Also /adv/ is not the place for those things, ask a lawyer.
How to overcome fear of getting stabbed while walking out at night?
>>16502455
carry a gun.
>>16502458
No guns in my cunt, though
>>16502464
learn street sense, always keep eyes on where you're going so if you don't like the way things look you spot it before you get there and don't end up sleepwalking onto a corner where a drug deal is happening or some shit. If you don't like the way something looks turn around and find another way. Don't listen to music while walking at night so you can stay focused. Walk with other people whenever possible, groups don't ever get attacked. Move to a better part of the city.
Hey guys, if I'm doing something wrong with posting this I apologize in advance.
I just now got a summons from a police officer and have to appear in court due to traffic violations. There are three in total: "Careless driving", "Failure to stop at a red light", and "Failure to yield to a police vehicle". I live in New Jersey.
Basically what happened was I'm on a near-empty street at night that has two traffic lights within 20 meters of each other. The first traffic light was red, and the second one was green. I immediately saw the car in front of me driving ahead, so in my head I just assume that it's an ok to keep going forward, despite that car moving ahead only because the second traffic light was green. Obviously a policewoman sees me and turns on the lights. I pull to the side, but my mind is losing it's shit because I've never been pulled over before. I was, at the time in a single-lane street, and for some reason I thought that this would be inconvenient for everyone, so I pulled another left into the side of a parking lot that could not have been more than a few meters away from where I was at first. The officer comes up to me an immediately starts grilling me on why I didn't stop immediately, but being the autist that I was all I could muster was "I'm sorry" and "I thought this would be easier for you", then she gives me the three summons.
I'm not going to try and deny any wrongdoing with running the red light, because that was just full retard of me, but is there any way I can deal with the other two charges? I just looked it up and the total amount of points I'd get on my license for these charges is 6, and I really can't afford to have my license suspended for 6 months. Any advice would be great, I'm just completely drained right now and I don't know what to do.
>>16502016
Go to court, tell the judge you pulled over because you thought it would be safer. Safety is a reason to not yield to a police cruiser IMMEDIATELY. Your cop was just some fucking ass wipe. Careless driving? What? Did you hit something lol?
Yeah go argue that shit.
>>16502028
The careless driving might have been for the cop, since she had to stop where she was since I ran the light. The ticket said "to person" but I would have never hit a pedestrian if they walked past. I might not be able to argue that.
Thanks a lot for replying, I'm just so drained from all of this right now and I appreciate any advice I could get.
Shoot for a deferral, if you can keep your nose clean for 90 days they will drop the tickets.
Hey /adv/, I'll make this short. Has anyone here ever been «ghosted» repeatedly?
I recently went on a couple of dates with a girl, we had great chemistry, talked frequently, and last time we hung out, we chilled at my place and made out (no sex). I wanted to hang out with her again, but she just stopped talking to me, deleted me off of facebook, and wouldn't answer my texts.
A similar thing happened with another girl I met the next month, we went on a couple of dates, and just recently hung out at my place, we made out and just chilled, when she left we had a very long and passionate kiss. I tried to hang out with her again, and now she's not responding either.
WTF is going on? Whenever a girl comes to my place, it seems to be the kiss of death for ever seeing them again, what gives? For the record, I tried to have sex with the first girl, but she was on the rag, and I didn't try to have sex with the second girl. And I know «Ask them» would be a good answer, but they're not talking to me, so any insight from you all on why this would happen would be great.
They know the next time that they are coming over, sex is what you're expecting and it makes them feel awkward. They would have sex that night, but they don't want to go into it knowing that's what you're expecting. If you get them at your place, go all the way. I don't know what to do though if that's not a possibility. May even just be playful about it?
>>16501880
Sent them a message saying
"Let's talk, I need to know what's bothering you. And I'm sorry if you thought I'd do something that wouldn't make you feel comfortable"
Joke a little bit to soften the situation.
If they reply, good. If they don't, they don't give a shit about you.
>>16502936
Like I wrote, I tried to have sex with the first girl, so she wasn't having it because she was on the rag. The other girl did not seem comfortable going beyond making out, so I kept my hands above sea level.
>>16502964
I would man, but like I said, they're not responding to me. They clearly don't give a shit about me, which is fine, but frustrating because I have no idea WTF they're upset about.
Before you post a question, check here to see if it's already been answered
Keep your questions short and sweet for more answers.
And please no derailing arguments.
Avoid asking these common questions:
>Is it normal for me to go to a club/bar by myself?
Yes. Stop overthinking this.
>Do girls/guys like <insert specific look>?
Some do, some don't.
>I'm shy and afraid of people/rejection. What do I do?
Think positive, and get over it by practicing and exposing yourself to it.
>I like someone. What do I do?
Ask them out.
>How can I tell if someone likes me?
Ask them out.
>Where do I meet girls/guys?
Anywhere outside. Or online.
>Is my body part big/small enough?
>Am I short/tall enough?
Most likely
>Someone did something insignificant. What does it mean?
Nothing significant. Stop overthinking it.
>XYZ happened. Did I fuck it up with this guy/girl?
Maybe, maybe not. We're not in their head, we don't know. No amount of your walls of text will fix that.
>This person did something that hurt my feelings. Why do guys/girls do this?
Because shit people are shit people. It's not a gendered thing
>Would you date a virgin?
As long as they aren't insecure about it. Complexes are a total turn-off.
>Someone has made it abundantly clear they're no longer interested in me. Do I still have a chance?
No
>Where do I go on a first (or subsequent) date?
Pick one or more of the following: coffee, lunch, dinner, drinks, ice cream, movies, zoo, aquarium, museum, art gallery, <activity in your city>
>That one guy who keeps asking about cuddling in platonic friendships
No one wants to cuddle you. Stop asking
>Brandon or Female Brandon
Piss off.
>Frog
Also piss off.
>Get a girl's number
>She seems disinterested and said "Oh hi" after I texter her "Hey xxxx, it's anon. What's going on? You gave me your number at so and so the other day"
What say?
>>16501160
"What's going on" is a terrible starter. Do you actually have a reason to text her?
Forgot my image. Anyway...
I've met an IRL equivalent of Christ-chan who aside from being devout is also pretty socially awkward.
I really like her, so I marshalled my courage and kicked off this conversation.
It ended just the way you see in the picture about 3 hours ago.
What did I do wrong?
I went through my boyfriends phone last night and it turns out he's been cheating on me for the past 3 months. When I confronted him about it, he got mad and started yelling at me for going through his phone. He made me feel really bad and now idk if I should break up with him or not anymore. We've been together for 2 years btw
>>16500670
break up, now... you were suspicious for a reason, your suspicions have been confirmed... time to go.
He's the asshole for lying.
>>16500670
Why would you go through his phone? What made you think you were going to find anything worth searching in there? You shouldn't have gone through his phone. That's invasion of privacy, you don't just step over those boundries.
>>16500670
>"my boyfriend cheated on me"
>doesn't immediately break it off
We need that /adv/ meme thread again
How do I stop hating women?
>>16500349
Bump because I need help with this too.
It feels like they're all vapid and largely disinterested in me so yeah take that for what it is.
>>16500349
You don't. Unless you're in the top 20% of males then you have received every reason to hate them.
>>16500349
Why do you hate women? Find the source and work with it, was it your terrible mother? Get over it, was it a shitty gf? Stop generalizing other women for her actions, if she was a shit person that doesn't mean other women are. I know you might not belive this but all women don't cheat and lie. All women don't want the same, what works in one relationship might never work in another. People are different.
1. Why
2. Eliminate the factors
3. Try to forgive
What advice would you give your 19 year old self?
stop skipping school and playing wow, go workout, learn for school and fuck bitches you lazy fucking fucktard
Don't stop taking chances.
>>16499879
Don't get back with your high school sweeetheart when you reconnect at 23. It was a massive waste of 10 months.
Other than that, I wouldn't change anything. All of the mistakes and choices I made along the way have made it so I am happy where I am today. Each has a consequence which at the time may not have been great, but absolutely influenced subsequent decisions/choices, which ultimately led to my awesome life at 30. So don't be afraid to fuck up. Ten years do wonders in changing you, your perspective and your life.
I wonder is it possible to change our sexual desires, like some men love only big tits, some men big ass, some bbw,skinny etc
When i was child i told my mum that i liked little overweight women, at the moment nothing has been changed i love women little chubby with big asses but i want to change this , i see some of my dudes are dying about skinny girls with low body fat and tiny waists, but i find sexy but they can not move something inside me so can i change this?
>>16503186
Why? Just because your friends like something different doesn't mean you should change. The world needs chubby chasers.
>>16503210
Seriously, if that's what you're into just let it be.
You could have much weirder fetishes
>>16503210
Sometimes i feel disgusting, the reason is i feel there is something wrong on my mind, for example i find sexy a girl if she just have big ass, but on the other hand normal people have different aproaches like they say oh she is fucking beautyful i must fuck her so they related that facial attractiveness with being sexy this is what i am trying to say and i want to get rid of this big ass fantasy if you help me
While in Uni (2 years ago) I entered a stand up comedy competition on a whim because I am a comedy fan. One thing lead to another and I won the whole thing. I had only done a single gig before entering and had beaten people who had devoted years to it.
Immediately big agencies who signed large comedy names got in touch with me and I had several meetings with them. I am from a small farm in the countryside and it has always been my dream to have a small farm with cows, goats, sheep, etc, and grow old with the person I love. I hate travelling and going away from home. Stand up comedy means travelling from approximately 5pm 5 nights a week and getting home at 2am. The nights you AREN'T travelling you are writing your material. You don't go outside, you don't have free time, it is your entire life.
I do not want that life, I have never wanted it. I like comedy, I entered the competition for the large cash prize and to have a laugh, I surprisingly won, and I wanted that to be the end.
My mother however, does not. Despite making fun of me for entering and urging me not to do it as I'd make a "fool" of myself, she will NOT allow me to quit comedy. She will not talk to me without immediately pushing me to get back in contact with the agencies. This has been every communication with my mum for the past 2 years. I say something like "did you have a good day?" and she will reply "no, because you've thrown away your life" I then explain why exactly I do not want a life doing comedy on the road, and she "disagrees."
I want my mother back. How do I hammer it home that I DO NOT want to sell my soul for money? If it helps, for most of my life I was a suicide risk and she is aware. I am trying hard to have happiness in my life and she says that happiness is not important, only a lot of money. She said you make money to have happiness later.
TLDR: Mum won't talk to me without telling me to commit to an all-consuming lifestyle career that I do not want
i would stop talking to my mother if i were you, she sounds toxic af
>>16503082
I love her and its important to me to have a mother figure in my life. I struggle a lot without having a maternal figure
>>16503089
Then get a girlfriend with an attitude and big titties you kuck
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