Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 2043. page
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So on thanksgiving a girl I went to high school with messages me out of the blue. We talked a little back than but haven't really talked since I graduated 7 years ago.
So we started talking and things just clicked. Next thing I know we're always texting, snap chatting, or talking on the phone. So after talking everyday for almost 2 weeks I aked her out on a date and she excitingly said yes.
Things seemed great. It seemed as if this may end up being something serious one day.
So we've been talking for a lil over 3 weeks now. So I texted her today as I always do and she seemed distant. Using only one word responses. Something she's never done to me before. No worries, maybe she's having a bad day at work. Also she's always on her cell phone at work as she works in marketing and some business partners email and text her. So it's not like her to not be engaged in talking at work.
Fast forward to tonight. We always talk on the phone or text before her or I go to bed. I couldn't talk since I was out with some friends celebrating my buddy coming home from the navy for the holidays. I only had two beers as I was the designated driver tonight.
So I texted her and still the one or two word answer bull shit. So I ask her if shes upset with me or if somethings wrong. What the hell is the elephant in the room.
She than drops a bomb shell on me. Tells me that she thinks we're rushing things and we're moving to quickly. And cancels our date for tomorrow that we had planned.
Tells me that with work, the holidays and other stuff she has a lot on her plate and wants to pause things and not rush.
Rush things? All we do is talk we haven't even had the chance to meet up and let things blossom. Everything seemed organic like when a relationship may begin. I never said I loved her aka scare her. Never was pushy. Never pushed anything sexual on her. Granted we had phone sex on night when she called me after she got drunk at her work Christmas party and was horney. And everything was fine the next day we even laughed and joked about it.
In the past she did tell me that she has a bad cycle of pushing away guys before anything develops. So wereb texting and she's damn near crying over texts apologIzing that she's pushing me away and huring me.
I than call her out and say if you really like me and care about me you wont let me be another guy in that destructive cycle. She never responded back.
I'm torn I really like this girl, I'm crazy about her and I'm hurting. What the fuck do I do?
Do I give her space and let her crawl back to me?
Do I fight for her cause that's what I wanna do, and have her in my life and let it become a serious relationship.
Or do I say screw it and walk away, before I become more attached and hurt.
Thanks for the read, I know it was long and any advice or help is greatly appreciated. Thanks /adv/
>>16572023
Shameless bump
>33 year old kissless virgin
>yesterday I hugged a girl so she'd take a selfie
>feels like greatest achievement of my life (and I have a master's degree)
>now I want more
wat do
Feels so bittersweet /adv/
How much do you want it?
The road you're looking at isn't easy, but it's possible
What do you look like ?
>>16572012
Literally the worst thing you could ever do.
I wish I never had mine. I've spent my life as a social outcast, and only the past 6 years I've turned it around.
For a short moment I felt accepted, and it feels strange, it felt nice, but I can't accept it, its too alien, it made me feel a bit sick.
Expose yourself slowly I'd say.
I remember watching a documentary of people who had spent 25+ years in jail.
The Fresh air gave them headaches, the food was so rich and nutritious it made him nauseous, he spent 4 months eating bread exclusively until he acclimatized.
Its a similar feeling, Godspeed anon.
I went to a private school in a second world country. All of my peers are studying abroad except for me and three other guys. One of the guys occasionally chat to me but I don't consider ourselves as particularly close (we rarely had classes together).
Recently he messaged me and asked me whether I want to hang out and talk. I don't think he is trying to ask me out. He probably just wants to meet someone from high school and since almost everyone is studying abroad he doesn't have much choice. I am not 100% entirely sure about his intentions though.
I do not have any feelings for him. Is it a bad idea for me to ask if he wants to hang out/watch a movie? I don't want him to misunderstand my approach - I just want to meet someone who went to the same high school as me and everyone who stayed behind is a guy (I rarely talk to the other two dudes). How can I make my intentions clear in our Whatsapp messages? Should I even ask him that?
Nah it'll be a clear invitation from you if you ask him out. Just bring up past conversation about him asking to meet and say that you know a good place to hangout at.
>>16572172
Oh ok. So I shouldn't worry about him misunderstanding that I have feelings for him when I don't?
>>16571985
Out of curiosity which country are you from?
What do I want out of life and how do I figure it out?
>>16571926
Procreation.
Finding out the proper vagina to put your sperm in and then raising your kids to be better persons than you.
This should be the meaning of life for every man.
>>16571926
control
take a look around
>>16571935
That is on my list. But what else would I do with my time?
RELATIONSHIP HELP - SEX RELATED
My boyfriend 22 and I 21 are living together. We've been together a little over a year and I'm studying whilst he is working. He works a lot and recently likes to relax by playing a game (not that I mind, just background information). We're both home quite a lot lately in the evening, but we both do our own thing.
We've been having sex around one time a week.
Obviously in the beginning of the relationship we did it a lot more often but still relatively low. He's said from the start that he doesn't feel the need to have sex too often, because he wants to keep it special and he thinks doing it too often makes it boring.
However lately he has been saying that for some reason he doesn't really feel like having sex . Mainly because when he gets in bed, he wants to sleep because he's so tired. He thinks having sex is more hassle since it's dirtier and exhausting and masturbating is quick and cleaner. He says he hasn't lost all sex drive since he does feel the need to jack off.
When we have sex it's good. I know for a fact that he's not cheating.
Our relationship has been a little rocky and I'm his first serious girlfriend.
I don't think this is all a major issue - I'd just like some solid advice. Personally I think he's stressed from work, he doesn't sleep enough and I feel his testosterone level might be low due also to diet. We will talk about it more - but I wanted to do some research and think about it.
However most advice forum I found when Googling the problem said " you're not into her , you're not meant to be together , it's time for something new , this wasn't meant to last etc etc".
How severe is this problem? And what should I do about it?
Thanks so much for your time and advice like always.
Also I'd like to add that I am quite confident. I have good hygiene and do take care of myself. I like fashion and always try to look my best.
He has also said, that he does feel attracted to me.
>>16571804
You seem pretty confident that he isn't cheating and that everything is going alright. As you mentioned, the sex is good when it does happen. Relationships are always a little rocky, it's normal to have your ups and downs. If you're pretty confident and you haven't seen any signs of disinterest in you then I think it might just be stress. What's his work?
>>16571823
Thanks so much for your answer - it's comforting!
I really hope it's just that. Like I said things have been rocky .. He too said he's not sure why this is - but I felt a little let down at all the negative advice that came up when I googled it.
>can only view women as sexual objects
what do I do senpaitachi
stop being autistic
had the same problem, no fap is the answer
>can only view women as sexual objects
Right. And the reason you came here is?
Gonna lose my virginity in a couple days. Any tips on preparing?
>>16571780
Masturbate beforehand
>>16571780
It kind of depends on how big he is, but you can do the following:
Get your ass clean (you don't have to do a full enema but you must make sure there won't be any poop disaster)
Ask him to use plenty of lube
Have a dildo ready so he can prepare your ass, especially if he's big
>>16571792
lmao shoulda clarified that I'm a guy. And I'm gonna fuck a girl
>be dating current bf
>he's 28, i'm 23
>it's been about 7 months since we've known each other
>tells me all the time "i can see this as something that's real and lasting"
>thought he was just being sweet/cute at first
>mfw i'm slowly starting to realize he's talking about marriage
his older brother (30 y/o) is already married. a lot of his friends in his generation seem to be getting hitched too. i once mentioned how my best friend has been dating her bf for 5 years; he answered "that's crazy, how are they not married? they practically are." (my best friend and her bf are my age) he also wants to meet my mom, whom i've warned to him that it's probably not a good idea due to how strict she is. he still insists on meeting her.
am i being paranoid thinking he's talking about marrying me?
i love him a lot, and he's an extremely passionate, smart, and hard working guy. but i feel VERY anxious about that topic. i'm stressing out and my body feels tense just thinking about it. i just feel like i'm too young to be thinking about that, i don't know him well enough, it's too soon to talk about that stuff, i don't know if that's what i even want...
the relationship feels a bit different to me now, as if there's a time limit and i could be possibly wasting his time if i end up feeling i can't marry him. but at the same time, he's the best guy i've been with so far and he makes me very happy.
please help me calm down. i know he's not going to propose this year or anything, but i feel like it's probably going to happen by our 2 year mark and i don't know how to feel about that.
>>16571776
This is why they say age gaps aren't a good idea. You're at different points in your lives - he'll want to settle down and get married and have kids within a year or two, while you're probably still finishing off school or just getting started on your career.
As far as advice goes, I think this is something you need to talk to him about, not skirt around the issue forever. Let him know you're not ready and perhaps give him a timeframe of when you will be
>>16571779
>while you're probably still finishing off school or just getting started on your career
yep, this is exactly me... i haven't even gotten the chance to live on my own yet.
i'm also well-aware of how it's harder to get married off by the time you're in your late 20s/early 30s as a woman... so i realize i have a time limit too.
i guess i could talk to him, but the thing is, i think it's my personal issue; i can't help but think of how miserable i might end up because of how my mom and dad's marriage was. they ended in a messy divorce that involved the police. both were miserable through all my childhood. (they met through an arranged marriage though)
i don't want to end up like that, but i can't help but find similarities to him with my dad; though he is very sweet, thoughtful and loving to me. i'm so scared and stressed holy shit
>>16571815
>i have a time limit too.
Well that's rubbish, people of all ages get married.
It sounds like you don't even want to get married. Is he aware of this? I still think you should talk to him, it'll help you get things sorted. It's not fair on him if he assumes you want the same things as he does, and it's not fair on you that this relationship is causing you this much stress.
Is it weird for grown siblings to periodically hug and say they love each other?
I (21) cuddle my little sister (17) a lot and my boyfriend says it weirds him out.
My 20 year old brother and I (23) hug a fair bit. My family in general is big on hugs
personally i dont ever say i love you to my siblings
nor do we cuddle
>>16571755
Idk OP. Could you give me a detailed description on how these nights usually go so i could give you a better answer?
I am 37 (although I look like I am in my mid 20s). Recently divourced with my husband. From what I get, finding another at this age decent person is virtually hopeless.
women play the dating game on easy mode
I'll stick it in your butt for a fee
>>16571668
No you shouldn't. There is someone out there right now who is wondering what it's like to meet someone like you.
How did you get a girlfriend/boyfriend /adv/?
I was asked out, I said yes, the end.
I made here laugh
I chatted with her about a common interest
I invited her to a event I was attending
She said yes
After said event I texted her casually
Made a agreement to attend another event together
>repeat 2-4 times
eventually there was a mutual agreement of dating.
> chat
> chat
> chat
> hug
> hug
> hug
> hug
> romantic hug
> kiss
> kiss
> kiss
> propose going steady
Addition info:
I am 29. Guy is 36 with 5 year old son. I get along with the kid. We probably will not have more kids.
Is dating a divorced guy really that "undesirable"? Is it possibly to live happily with a life like this? All I hear is how dating a divorced person with kids is "settling".
Depends on the ex. Where's she?
>>16571613
She lives in the same city in her own apartment.
>>16571623
So, he has custody?
>Anyway, do you see where this is going? You have to figure out how much extra hassle and baggage this kids will be, and weigh that against the value of the guy to you. We can't know all that, only you can.
Hello /adv/
I used to watch a lot of porn and fap at least twice a day (4 times a day in the weekend).
After I failed to keep it hard when going for my first sex experience, I realized I may have been addicted to porn and desensitized. I have reduced my fapping to once a week. But now I feel my sex drive is pretty low, I get some erections, but I can't get really excited when I flirt with a woman, I only get a semi. Is it normal? Am I being too nervous about it? Should I try to go to prostitutes to ease my apprehension?
Also, since I reduced my fapping frequency, I noticed my dick leaks a good amount of precum when I'm aroused (the inside of my briefs look like a snail took a stroll on them). Is it normal?
Help pls
Bump
Halp
I'm no expert, I feel like I'm borderline porn addicted myself. Trying to cut it out as well.
Basically, you're brain is desensitized and needs time to readjust. Give it a bit of time and you will get turned on by minor stuff you didn't before.
Another thing is that looking at porn constantly and then getting a hardon in reaction to that is not your sex drive.
Your sex drive is a constant baseline. If it gets satisfied (or in your case glutted with too much) you won't notice it. But if it doesn't you'll end up getting distracted by the merest hint of a woman.
>>16571742
What kind of signs should I be looking for to know when I'm cured?
Do you get a hardon when you see a hot girl on the street for example?
Are prostitutes going to help? I'm legitimately scared of working all my way with a gf only to find out I don't feel anything special about sex and she just leaves me for that.
How about this precum leaking? Sometimes I get lazy with the washing machine and I have to go commando, a precum stain on my crotch sure won't look too good...
I've been diagnosed and treated by a psychatrist for ADD for several years, but I would like to know if this is a typical treatment/relationship.
At the beginning, we were trying out different forms of medication and finally settled on dexamphetamine (which still has some side effects, but they aren't too bad). It's a legal requirement to go for sessions to get more scripts, but since then, all the sessions have felt like a waste of time.
The sessions typically start off with a quick re-cap of what we talked about the last time and how I'm doing now. After that, the psychatrist focuses on my side effects, and usually mentions several other medication that he thinks I can try, but these medications are VERY expensive, and I can't afford them as a university student. He always seems annoyed whenever I bring up the financial issue, and has asked me on several occasions if I can get the money elsewhere (through my family, etc).
He then moves on to talk about counselling and has mentioned several times that he wants me to see some psychologists for counselling. I did some research, and they are pretty expensive and not covered by my insurance, but he keeps pushing me to try it. Again, he seems annoyed everytime I bring up finances.
I'm not sure if this is a typical treatment plan. So far the only treatment i've gotten is the medication, and the psychatrist hasn't given me any counselling at all (which i thought was part of the standard treatment process). What is supposed to be happening in these sessions? I keep getting the feeling he's trying to sell me on more medication or refer me to psychologists elsewhere.
continued
>>16571568
I missed an appointment with the psychatrist recently (had accomodation issues, so I had to find another place to stay REALLY quick). Spoke to him over the phone today and he was REALLY annoyed, he kept mentioning stuff like the contract we signed, a cancellation fee, that he wasn't interested in apologies, etc. He kept using phrases like "you knew what you were getting into when you signed it" and "it's part of your contract to pay me a cancellation fee if you miss an appointment".
I didn't even get a chance to explain because he interrupted me mid-sentence when I tried. He only calmed down and agreed to schedule another appointment with me when I told him I would pay the cancellation fee, but refused to give me another script till the appointment several months later, citing it as a legal requirement (fair enough).
I'm kind of put off about all this and would like to know if this is pretty typical?
I can't easily switch psychatrists either, because the one i'm seeing is at the university clinic which is one of the only places that my insurance will cover at a 100% rate (bulk billing system in Australia for those familiar with it). There's only one other psychatrist there, and the one time I saw her to get a second opinion on something, she spent most of the appointment making me recount the whole story starting from when I was diagnosed with ADD, and then spent the remaining time shrugging and saying "I don't know" to every question...
>>16571571
Jesus christ. Wtf is this shit?
I live in Norway, but I don't see anyone anymore. I text when I need a new prescription. It was like that for about a year. Then I met him after a year and now I can't remember last time I met him.
But it might be differences because of country or whatever. Dunno.
>>16571571
Some psychiatrists are good people who actually care about their patients and prioritize your well-being. Some psychiatrists are assholes who really just want to wring money out of you and don't give a fuck about you. Go with your gut.
Is there anyone over 35 here?
If so, i have 2 questions.
Do you have any regrets in life?
Do you have any advice for a very intelligent yet lazy 23 year old who hasn't accomplished anything in his life?
>>16571531
>Do you have any advice for a very intelligent yet lazy 23 year old who hasn't accomplished anything in his life?
Get your shit together. You don't have much time.
>>16571531
I'm 31 for what it's worth
I regret that I've only had one girlfriend. I've only had sex with one pussy, and I've ever only lived with her. I have nothing to compare to so I'm happy, but I always wonder what other girls are like.
Asside from not fucking around, literaly, I also regret that it took me so long to understand how to be a man. I had no fatherfigure in greater part of life.
1. Yes, i should have gone for the older one.
2. Get car licence, dare yourself, read that book thats on your mind, fuckit go ask that girl your like for a coffee, be helpfull and for gods sake, relax.
