Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1963. page
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TL;DR: bf said he needed space/a few days to himself after we got in a spiff, been a few days, what do?
Got really depressed and angry over some shit involving his brother being a dick, and then later him, and couldn't talk (I knew I would either bawl or not be taken seriously) and felt like shit. In the morning, I felt sad and naseous and was laying there, my bf said "can I just jizz on you?" and I said ok but laid there clearly looking like a miserable person waiting for him to finish. After he finished he was about to go back to sleep so I got my stuff and left without saying anything.
The next day I messaged him and said hey, we should talk, because I finally felt like I could explain my thought process. Got no reply...
Waited til the next day, we spoke on the phone and I explained everything, and he said he was really hurt and I asked to talk in person, he said "not tonight just got off work" and then I insisted the next day, he said "my friends are in town so I'll be busy tomorrow".
Okay, so how long? "I need a few days." I think he might have said 3 or 4.
Thing is, tomorrow is New Years eve, and we were supposed to spend it together...
It's about 6pm now, and tonight will be the 3rd night since our phone talk... Should I message him and see what's going on, and risk pushing it, or just let it go?
This is all balls.
Please?
looks like you are his cum dumpster
>>16624100
...
Okay...... well thanks for replying, anon, but I was hoping for something a little more detailed and helpful.
I'm 24 my girlfriend is 18. We've been together for 6 months. She is very secretive - she doesn't tell me who she hangs out with or where she goes. Which is fine, but, it's always something very shady.
I found out last month she was smoking weed alone with some guy at his house at like 1am. I have no idea who this friend of hers is.. she never has talked about him or has introduced me. She just went over to this guy's house alone late at night. I don't think if she's in a relationship she needs to be doing this type of thing.
Now, the other night, I found out she went with her best friend, again at like 1am, to this boy's house who she had just messaged off Tinder and had never met before. She went there and hung out with these random boys from Tinder, a hookup app. She claims she was just making sure her friend was okay, but again I don't think a girl who is in a relationship needs to be hanging out late at night with boys off a hookup app...
We're currently fighting about this. She never communicates with me and hangs out with shady people under shady circumstances. She claims she didn't do anything in the wrong and I'm being too controlling. But given the circumstances I feel completely disrespected as her boyfriend, particularly because she keeps these things a secret from me and I find out later through mutual friends.
Can I get advice? I don't think she's cheating on me - she told me she has been faithful and I believe her.
>>16623836
break up with her
I used to be like this
if she is anything like me, she is not ready for an adult relationship yet she is convinced that she is. She does not respect you, she wants to live like a single girl and still garner the attention of men. She wants to be surrounded by options. She needs constant affirmation of her ability to attract men because she is young and inevitably insecure. That is totally normal for an intelligent, mature girl of her age. Relationships should have no shady secretive shit, you should never hang out one-on-one with the opposite sex, especially not late at night with drugs involved, and you should not use a dating app.
If she has not cheated on you already, she will, or she is waiting for the next best thing to come along and she will leave you.
The more you voice your complaints, the more she will rebel and feel smothered. If she did not immediately adjust her behavior, then you need to call it quits, unless you want to deal with a lot of this in the future, which will end in heartbreak.
Do you want to be her valuable learning experience on how to be a good girlfriend? No? Then let someone else do it, then hit her up when she's a little older.
>>16623836
She sounds too immature to be in a commited relationship. I don't think she knows how to be in an actual relationship. You either have to teach her and trust her and express that communication is necessary or you break up.
she is a 18 girl who:
>does drugs
>hangs out with shady people at 1am
>meet random boys from a dating app
"I don't think she's cheating on me - she told me she has been faithful and I believe her."
gr8 b8
My boyfriend of 4 years spent his childhood traveling forever and his mom is a fucked up radical christian.
I think this is why he has trouble communicating, along with other issues we have in our relationship.
My biggest issue is how he can't comfort me.
My mother and family raised me with extreme affection, so that's something that I really seek in terms of a relationship. And I get that from him when we're good, but when I'm upset, About ANYTHING. [Something he did, something I did, something the universe did] he just can't get it together. He's distant, he doesn't say anything and when he does, it's usually the wrong thing. I've told him in serious conversations time and time again, like please just hold me, hug me, take my hand, tell me it's going to be okay, like anything.
And it took me a long time to get to the point to where I could even get the guts to hand him the answer like that [Because it's something he should know and do on his own?? And it's embarrassing to have to describe how pathetic I am when I'm upset??]
But despite this he still just doesn't get it and can't do it.
Today I was in a serious car accident. I really thought I was going to die. When he found out and I saw him, he didn't say, but seemed more upset about the situation and it came off like he didn't give a fuck about me [Since, clearly I am OKay, walked away clean.]
I was bawling and distraught about everything, losing the car, thinking I was going to die just hours ago, etc. And I didn't get anything out of it from him, other than him clearly being upset that I totaled our car.
I don't know what to do or think. Clearly, I am completely re-thinking our relationship entirely. Which, after 4 years, I'm sure you can imagine this isn't my only issue that is piling up.
But it's been 4 years. It's hard when you're so rooted in emotionally. I feel like I am a prisoner to "what if"'s. I love him so much, but what is my future with him, really?
>>cont.
We are both starting our careers, and that part of our future looks awesome. But the emotional part? What will that become?
It's so hard for me to figure out if it'll go sour or sweet. And I know, practically, these are probably red flags that won't have much turn around.
He's a good guy, and he's always trying to better himself. He's changed a lot [In a good way] since we first got together. So he's shown that he can work on himself.
So why can't he manage our relationship, even when I give him a clear message? I'm 26, by the way. He's 28. I have made it to the point in my life where I don't scream, I don't play games, I don't name call, and I try my best to communicate in the most efficient way I can. Calmly and clearly.
So why? Why can't he comfort me? Is it our different upbringing? Or, deep down, is he done with our relationship? And doesn't give a fuck about me? But is also stuck and held back by the comfort of being familiar and predictable?
>fuck him I only care about MY needs
K
>>16623840
Just tell him how you feel and show him that it is alright to show warmth at times. You need to understand he probably has communication problems and wants to go these things but does not know how to show affection.
So here's my situation
>has a big crush on guy at retail job
>out of nowhere he hooks up with a girl
>before I had no idea this girl happened to work at the same place that we work. I only met her once and I thought she was cool.
>this didn't change the way I feel for the guy. Call it what you will, but I started to care more about his overall happiness instead of mine.
>then one day in the break room I overhear my crush's gf talking about how she was only interested in having the relationship just for the sex. This had me a little worried at first but then I started to think "well who doesn't like sex?". I tried to stay positive.
>then I overheard my coworkers talking about something on the lines of my crush and his gf "being in the wrong" and how they didn't like her.
I don't know what's going on between the two, and it isn't my business at all. But I just hope he will be ok. I want him to be happy even if I can't be the source of his happiness.
How do you know this guy?
>>16623752
I'm not sure what you want advice on.
It's hard to tell how seriously you are taking it from your post, basically all you've done is listen in on some relationship drama.
>>16623831
I want to show him that I care for him. Also in this situation I'm unsure if I should let things be or take some sort of initiative. Although I don't think its my place to do that, so that might be out of the question.
Anyways, what I have been doing for the past couple of days is doing him small favors at work. I want to show him that I would put his needs before mine.
I guess I'm just not sure what to do with myself.
I'm having a problem with my neighbors and I don't know how to deal with it
I have a 15 year old Land Rover that isn't terribly reliable but it's the only car I have and it's very important for my work and school schedule, so I must have it. Anyways, last summer, I realized the fuel pump is faulty and as a result it prevents the car from properly starting if it is left idle for a certain amount of time. Basically, if I drive it a little bit and let it sit then attempt to start it again it struggles and sounds like it's putting a ton of wear and tear on the engine
To make sure my car will properly start in the morning, I have to start it at weird hours of the night. I get home around 8 and then 2 hours later at 10 I need to start the car again and make sure it works then I start it again around 1 am right before I go to bed
My roommate just got a phonecall from the home owners association saying that he has to appear before some sort of committee because one of my neighbors complained about my car being started late at night. They said it was noisy and prevented them from sleeping. My roommate owns the house and he could potentially be fined if I don't stop this
I can understand where they are coming from but I feel they are being overly sensitive. I really wish I didn't have to start my car late at night but there's no other option at the moment. I'm planning on getting it fixed but I simply don't have the money at the moment
What should I do? I'll be accompanying my roommate to this committee meeting
On one hand, 10pm isn't that late depending on your lifestyle, but on the other, you're basically shrugging your shoulders and saying "I can't do anything about it". You're both being pretty unreasonable about this in my opinion. If your roommate is fined, you should offer to pay the fine for them and you should probably think about finding another place to live in the meantime anyway
>>16623699
You need to make an appearance at the comittee meeting and explain to them that in order for you to be a working, tax paying member of society, you need to have your car.
Then say you'll be totally willing for the community to purchase you another vehicle, but until then you need the one you have, regardless of the ridiculous maintenance it requires.
>>16623699
How about you fix and properly maintain your God damn vehicle for starters.
Are studies so important in our life? That so important so we cannot live without them? Is this a fucking only entrance to better part of world that have studies to get a great job, earn a lot of money, and be a someone in this fucking world? Am I right or not?
>>16623545
depends on your definition of study. you dont need them, but generally speaking you need to 'pay your dues' in some way.
studying at a college, trade, or technical skill is considered smart because you are learning a specific skill which should, in theory, translate into a real job. whereas paying your dues by just enterting the general work force doesnt guarantee you'll go very far up that ladder, if at all.
>>16623558
> just enterting the general work force doesnt guarantee you'll go very far up that ladder, if at all.
Actually, anyone can move up the ladder. You just need to be willing to WORK. How do store managers happen, for example? You start with an employee who follows the rules and the customers like. The employee take son more work and more responsibility, eventually opening the store. They start working full time and maybe even over time. They move up in rank and become manager. General managers and regional managers are just managers who worked hard and moved up. The guy with college papers just entering will NOT get hired as a manager as college papers don't translate to real world know how.
In a nutshell, college is ONLY useful for science, medicine, law and teaching. Anything else you're better off with trade school, making a portfolio, or just working hard at the actual trade until you advance.
>>16623572
right, but there is only one manager for every 10 employees anon. its not that this person worked hard, its that they worked hardest in whatever since of the word.
ergo, you are not guaranteed to go up the ladder. otherwise we'd all be managers.
Britbong here, needing some advice on which route to take in my life.
I'm 20 years old and working in a warehouse job for 5 pounds an hour. I finished a course on electrical installation at college nearly a couple of years ago now but this is the problem, the course was supposed to be a route to an apprenticeship to become an electrician and therefore can't be taken to university, problem is its practically impossible to find an apprenticeship in this field nowadays.
I recently thought about going to university and studying something completely different but I'd have to pay for an access to higher education course or something along those lines to get in, which would cost me a lot and would be quite stressful juggling that and work.
Is there any other routes I could take to get away from just being stuck in a minimum wage job for the rest of my young adult life other than the ones I've mentioned?
>>16623469
Apparently careers in the IT sectors are good and easier to get. I asked /g/ but they were as helpful as a handbrake on a canoe.
Certifications and experience is key.
>>16623469
>5 pounds an hour
I hope you don't mean literally, that's under the wage limit
University isn't too bad, you can still work will you go and the debt doesn't have to be paid off until you get a decent job anyway. Find a course with a sandwich placement and the uni will help to get you good experience which might land you a guaranteed job at wherever your placement is
i think i recently did the most pathetic thing i've ever done in my entire life.
my roommate wanted to have sex with me. but i freaked out thinking what if it goes bad, what if she goes crazy, what if she gets jealous and i'm living with her for six months. so i didn't do it.
thing is i did want to have sex with her. almost the whole time i've been here. but i freaked out literally at the last moment and panicked. i am pathetic.
I don't understand, how is turning down sex in light of all the risks of the situation pathetic? That's like saying turning down free sex with a hooker is pathetic.
>>16623308
Are you starved for sex? If so, you dim goofed. If not, you practiced restraint in an attempt to avoid a potentially awkward situation, however, since you panicked and bailed last second you've probably made shit awkward anyway. So yeah, you almost did something alpha but fucked it up.
>>16623320
i haven't had sex in eight years.
How much trolling is too much trolling?
Where are the boundaries of trolling?
I keep it classy, witty and without racism and being pc.
Sometimes it's just plain honesty.
Pic not to be taken as a jab, but I found it funny.
>>16623235
OH DUDE YOU'RE PC TOO BRO?
>>16623235
Fuck that. I tell people to kill themselves all the time. I try to take a stance that will anger as many people in the thread as possible even if I don't believe what I'm writing. If it's a thread about women I make some post hating on her for being a woman. If it's a post about someone being sad I tell them to suck it up and stop being a bitch, etc.
People on this board are so easy to make mad.
Ever since August, I've been having intrusive thoughts. Specifically religious ones.
>inb4 become an atheist
I don't want to. At first I was able to control them, then they became out of control.
Now I virtually have them every single waking moment. Even as I type right now. I don't have any access to professional help. What do I do?
>>16623186
Find a religion with sexual sacraments
Thank me later
Could you describe these thoughts in more detail? If we can figure out what's on your mind, we may be able to figure out a way to resolve it.
That said, you should start looking into professional help. Intrusive thoughts are nomal, to a certain degree, but it sounds like these go beyond the norm.
>>16623208
It first started off as stuff like hating God (which I know I don't, but they still worried me). Then it gradually became worse.
And then I made thoughts to suppress these thoughts (I don't hate God, I don't hate Jesus, I don't hate the Holy Spirit).
Eventually the thoughts I made to suppress them became stuck in my head and in turn, they became the intrusive thoughts.
How do I learn some common sense/stop being an actual idiot? Sometimes I think I'm actually retarded. I read a lot and I got a full scholarship to my uni and am in the Honors program, but I'm just....stupid.
For example, yesterday at my retail job I had to give a customer $9.90 back in change, he gave me 10 cents and for some reason I thought that meant I give him back $9.80 instead it makes it $10 even. I gave him the wrong change and the customer and my managers ended up (rightfully) yelling at me asking wtf I was doing.
There are many more examples like that all my life, where I'm just a complete fucking idiot. It just feels like my mind feels foggy, if that makes sense? How do I fix this?
>>16623132
Pay attention to detail. Practice math.
>>16623132
I've had moments like that. Just like you, I have a full ride scholarship, 3.9 GPA, excelling at my internships, etc. But every now and then I'll blank out in a situation or not say the right word or whatever. Makes me feel really dumb.
My only thought as to why it happens is that your mind is working so hard all the time that the little details fall through the cracks. Simple or insignificant tasks get overlooked or over-thought and you mess up. Kind of like when your mind goes too fast for your mouth, and you slur/jumble words. Your brain's trying to go hard and the rest can't keep up. Know what I mean?
Also, do you have any sort of anxiety issues? For me, I'm highly OCD, so that makes my "thinking" issues worse, because my brain never shuts off. Always thinking, plotting, etc every waking second.
>>16623147
Looks like the jews made another successful worker bee
I'm at a loss here. Don't know what to do.
My fiancé is 3.5 months pregnant. We're happy about it. We met while I was travelling Thailand, I've gone back 3 times over the last 2 years (totalling about 15 months).
I know for a fact that the child is mine. So that isn't the problem. The problem is I'm back in Canada and the fucking economy sucks so bad that I can't find work (I work in oil). My fiancé makes pretty decent money but my savings is currently dry and I really rather not have to ask her to pay for my flight and shit (I'll eventually be able to get a job teaching in Thailand but it's having enough money before then which is the problem).
What do? I'm seriously considering selling drugs. I have a connect that I can get good prices on coke from (like $700-$800cdn/half Oz). I'm really considering doing it for a couple months, bank like $20,000 and then take off. Just getting caught would suck really bad for obvious reasons.
Suggestions? I've sent out over 100 resumes since I got back at the beginning of December but haven't gotten so much as a call back and I'm running out of ideas. I can't go missing the birth of my first child.
>>16623087
>fiancé is pregnant
Urge to kill rising
Just let her pay for your ticket and pay her back once you find work there. Don't fucking risk your time with your woman and child because of your damn ego.
Try working as a door to door salesman if you are fairly good with people, have a high work morale (your goal should help here), and a thick skin. Almost always an open position and you can earn fucktons of money if you work your butt off and stay motivated. However only go for companies that offer coaching, you won't even become a decent salesman without some education. A few books on sales and social skills will also help.
How do I get out there as a college student who lives with his parents and doesn't have a car?
I haven't dated anyone or really been that social ever and I feel like I'm really missing out on something. But I also feel as if that if I got into a relationship it'd be difficult to sustain living at home and without dedicated transportation.
>>16623064
Time to get a part time job and start putting away money for a car. You need money, anyway. How would you afford dating someone if you're broke?
>>16623064
College clubs and events?
You know you can make friends and stuff when you're actually at college, right? As in, in class and stuff
Hey dudes, I need some advice on taking over a lease so I don't get screwed over. Here are my stats:
>Junior at college
>tuition is $4065 per quarter, with 3 quarters a year
> I have ~$76,000 from a trust fund for housing and tuition
>place im considering costs $775 a month, with a $800 deposit
I'm meeting with the owner today and I want to know what I should ask to avoid getting fucked, any advice?
Get a part time job. Don't rely on your trust fund for money.
>>16623026
Almost $800 a month for how many BR? Does that include utilities, and where are you?
>>16623026
i did somome math for you. assuming you havent started your junior year ( i think you did, but for arguments sake) and assuming you graduate after being a senior, thats 6 quarters of tuition, and 24 months of living.
one thing to consider is general living expenses. your rent is identical to mine, so id assume most of them are, and i spend about 1300 a month (this assumes you dont have a big car payment / insurance however, as i take the bus).
that being said you have enough money to pay your tuition and your rent food utilities etc. for two years
and you will be left with 20,410 AFTER you graduate. not a bad lump sum to start your life with.
this morning (7am) i overdosed a bit on iv heroin, shit sucked. tonight i was planning on rolling mdma + xanax because i like the chill effect benzos give.
obviously my worry now is taking xanax after shooting dope-- im not sure of the half life of heroin (maybe like 8 hours before its entirely gone from the body) but does anyone know roughly how long before its safe to do like 1 or 1.5mg of xanax? or should i skip it?
my gut tells me ill be back to baseline tonight, but im not sure.
>inb4 tiny cock /pol/ and /r9k/ betas start spewing about "muh degeneracy"
If you keep going like this, you will be dead in less than a year. You know this needs to change, man. Might as well be today.
>>16622797
have fun overdosing loser
you can't inb4 in the OP
Sorry this isn't a safe space for failed druggies
>>16622797
>roughly
you should never be in a position where you say 'i should roughly be able to live through the night, right?'
you have a problem. that is all.
