Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1395. page
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So I'm trying to help my friend to make a choice between his happiness and what makes sense on paper, but honestly, I'm at a loss myself.
Without going into specifics about his situation, how do I tell him that happiness really is important, and that sometimes what makes sense on paper isn't going to make you happy. I don't know, maybe I *do* need to get specific to explain it, but just wondering what you guys think.
>>16892455
being specific with him is the only he will see. deconstruct what makes sense on paper and show why its bad.
>>16892455
What makes sense on paper is what I was brought up to think as correct, but I am suicidal and my progress in overcoming my depression fluctuates. Currently I am stuck in a valley.
Explain to him that he needs to follow what makes him happy, because failing to do so could end in life ruination. He might not listen to you. But at least you will have tried.
If I followed the path to happiness instead of what's expected of me, I would have switched to a different major and been graduated and normal like my peers by now. But I wouldn't have meet two great people in my life. I'm still not happy though. I don't know where I'm going with this. I need to get my shit together.
>>16892487
>im suicidal
then how are you alive? i think you mean you are sad. not suicidal. big difference.
Just broke up with my girlfriend. Feels really bad.
I feel like I was a bit cold about it but I think I needed to be for her to get the point.
I'd been feeling a bit suffocated by her in recent times and I think it drove me away. She was super keen and my heart just wasn't in it properly any more.
Did I do the wrong thing by being cold about it? Honestly she's a lot better off without me.
>>16892419
as long as you dont physically hurt someone it doesnt really matter. they are relationsihps. i doubt you were together all that long. these things either end in fire or ice.
>>16892419
Being unnecessarily mean or rude to someone you (used to) claim to love/care about is not the right choice. You can break up with someone without being a dick. It's the other person's responsibility to deal with it the way they feel they can. So no, you didn't do the right thing. But ultimately the result is the same, and that ship has sailed, so move on.
>>16892419
Fuck fuck fuck are you me, Man?
Did last week , feels pretty bad too... But it's good you were cold if that means you were direct about it, si she doesn't have falses hopes. I didn't do it coldly and she ended up thibking there was a changé ti get me back for a week, while she was crying every single day...
Is it worth the 2 grand for me to get braces?
>>16892393
Yes. Having messed up teeth is detrimental professionally. If you're some kind of loser who will only work at fats food/blue collar jobs the rest of your life, then it doesn't matter. If you ever hope to move up a career ladder in white collar world, get that shit fixed. There's too much competition out there. Employers will always go with the person who is 1) most qualified and 2) objectively decent looking, who will be a nice representative of their company.
YES
I got braces when I was 27 and I wish I did it sooner
I had braces when I was in middle school but my teeth still look pretty fucked up. Thinking about getting veneers. It would be expensive but worth it I think to boost my confidence.
/adv/
In one hour, I'm going to my first therapy session as an adult.
>What should I expect? Brief me.
>>16892392
To be very disappointed.
>>16892398
But why?
I just recently started seeing a therapist (as a 23 year old) myself, and I gotta say that I get a lot out of it.
Truth is, though, the first session is typically information gathering. Like what your background is, if you're going to kill yourself, stuff like that.
But when you go back for the second appointment, then you'll really get into the meat of cognitive behavioral therapy. Don't be disappointed if you don't make any 'progress' this first meeting.
But I've only been to three sessions myself and already am making tremendous progress. Good for you taking that first step.
So basically this girl and i had kinda dated for a couple months and things were nice but she lives far away, and with both of us having busy schedules we barely saw each other. Because were both young uns and both our parents are kind of against teenage makeouts, we pretty much hung out in my car or in museums and such. We ended things, i think rather well, and as i hoped i got a message about 3 months afterward asking if i wanted to hang out. I do want to get things back together, and ive gotten a lot less busy. Should I, or are the same things that caused the break up likely to resurface and cause the same problems?
Well that depends if either of you are still going to be busy constantly.
Might work out, might not, but what do you have to lose?
So I met this 9/10 qt during christmas vacation at work. She's 5 years younger than me and she lives pretty far away from me and with her parents(all of these were the mayor issues). She started off flirting with me through snapchat and I sorta played along cause why the fuck not. We kept talking for a few weeks but we couldn't see each other, even though I was more than willing to go see her, 'cause her parents are pretty strict. They wouldn't let her go out with me.
After a while I started to like her..like from the beginning of the day to the end I would think of her. We would always send each other 'good morning' and 'good night'. That's when I told her that I wanted a serious relationship with her. At first she was surprised because all she wanted was a flirty relationship, but she was still up for my proposition.
After two months of talking I finally get the chance to see her and go on a date. We went to some festival and we had a great time, in the end we kissed and she left because her dad was leaving. That night and for the rest of that week all I could think of was that amazing kiss I got.
After the date she stopped texting and snapping me as much as we did when we met. So naturally, I thought she got tired of me after the first date. So I deleted her snapchat and phone number to not get distracted and dorget abput her more easily. Today I was using whatsapp and realized that I still haven't deleted our convo there.
Do you guys think I should talk to her again?
Pic related is her body
It sounds like you had a very "flirty" and superficial relationship, typical for teenagers. If i was you i would try my best to forget about her and move on.
>>16892445
Stop dissing teenagers ..
WE ARENT ALL BAD!!!!
>>16892377
I feel like this would've worked put if she didn't live with her parents.
As for talking to her again, I highly suggest you cut all ties and move on.
Need your advice /adv/. I have been friends with someone for around 5 years now. We both have simular interests and play vidya. Recently though, it seems like I haven't been able to even start a normal conversation with him. All I've been doing is shitposting dank memes in our group chat and sending him pics asking him for his opinion on them (not nudes). Haven't been even able to talk to time like a normal friend does. We're both seniors so no underage ban. But all I've done at lunch is show him memes and shit. He got a gf too and I'm still single so that only rubs salt on the wound. Got one in October. I understand he needs to spend time with her too but even so he's been able to talk to his other friends too, even though I'm really the earliest ones he's had. Basically, i'm asking if I should leave him. He's been such an awesome guy but it just feels like we're not as good friends as we once were. We don't hang out as much and don't talk about normal things as much anymore.
Pic unrelated.
My opinion is that you should not feel that you have an obligation to keep up your contact with that guy. I think that if you want him as your friend, you should keep spending time with him. But if the freindship is not reciprocated and he is distant, then you should just let the friendship fade away. If he is a true friend, he will miss you and contact you again after a while. But like i said, you don't have an obligation to keep being friends with him.
So my neighbors upstairs have this toddler that will not shut the fuck up. If it's not screaming or stomping around it's crying. It's not so bad from my living room but I can hear the kid and adults easily from my room and bathroom. Can I make a noise complaint or will nothing come of it since it's "just a kid" The adults also have no concept of an inside voice either.
>>16892359
The mature thing to do is to go up there and calmly, politely explain that you can hear the family very loudly through the walls/floor and you'd appreciate if they could try being quieter.
If it continues, then you make a complaint to management. If they don't take steps to resolve it, you then ask if you can move to a different unit at no cost. If they don't accommodate that, then you need to move out as soon as your lease is up.
>>16892372
Alright, I'll try not to be a pussy ass bitch and go up and ask, then.
i'm a terrible person
ugly, disgusting, dumb, no friends, no family, evil, cold hearted, very very likely to be some sort of autist/aspie/schizoid, have been alone and depressed for 10 years
i don't see any meaning in all of this
aside from any forms of escapism i dont see any meaning in life. everything is so meaningless, things make no sense. it's like things are just the way they are, and i just tend to accept it.
i don't try to fight back anymore
time feels like flowing very fast, every day is the same thing, every day i'm sad, i'm just a blank terrible useless person and theres nothing i'm willing to do about it. i dont want to change neither, if being depressed at least gives a little bit of stability in life, then so be it.
i'm unlucky
i was born and raised in a poor neighborhood of a third world country, with quite a few disabilities, the only few skills i have are completely useless because of a few disabilities. my father abandoned me at birth, my mother was abusive, the only person who ever cared for me, my stepfather, died quite some time ago.
i gave up
i don't have any energy left, i have already quit life, quit tried following my dreams, or at least being a normal person, a long time ago. i even tried escapism, but not even that will make me smile just a bit.
i just want the suffering to end.
i wish at least i didnt't fear death, and wasnt so attached to some of my material things, like food, so i could just kill myself already.
so that's it.
i'm useless and i'm a bother to anyone i meet. i'm fucking sick of being a minus for everyone.
i just want to ask how to stop fearing death, or how to accept it, so i can suicide.
i don't even have the guts to simply ask this without making such a huge drama. as you can see, the world would be a happier place without me but i'm too much of a faggot to do it. anyone who's already tried suicide has any advice?
>>16892355
Have you considered becoming a hermit?
You're gonna die anyway, sooner or later, so i fail to see why you wouldn't want to make the best out of your life.
Why are you so afraid, what's holding you back? Are you afraid of failing?
>>16892355
Tried calling a suicide hotline yet? Shit may not be as hopeless as you think.
You try jumping in front of a train, drink antifreeze, drink gramoxone.. Pills fucking suck for an hero.
I went on a date with someone way out of my league and I'm not feeling it.
She is better looking, in a doctoral program, and probably one of the most genuine and kind people I have ever encountered.
There just wasn't a real spark. We talked about real things in our lives and personal thoughts and opinions...but there was no challenge. We agreed on most of what was being said and whenever we did have differences they were just glossed over as something that wasn't worth mentioning.
It is kinda like....uh thanks for being mostly perfect but could you please go find some flaws so I can be less insecure and find things to settle into accepting? I would be much more comfortable with that.
>>16892349
When I go out with someone for the first time I try to be as good as possible. Not lie about myself, but surely I won't be like "You know, sometimes I fart in bed and I am annoying when I am on my period".
It is pretty normal to not show your flaws at the beginning. That's the honeymoon period. You see your partner as the most perfect human being on earth. Then you do realize they have flaws.
Probably she has a lot of flaws you're not aware of.
Your story reminds me of a date I had - with someone I'm really into actually, and we got along really well because of these perfect similarities, and passion! Then I realised we also had a lot of challenges too, and sparks have flown, not without some pain and drama I might add, however, just see. Not for the long term if there's really no spark, I found there was. Again, and again
Actually, perhaps it's that combination you were hoping for but didn't quite find. Just a date I guess, I had a lot of dates with said person before..I realise I hadn't clarified that properly in my thinking, anyway. I guess sometimes you just know after one date
>qt coworker walks up to me and stands there for a bit
>decide to make conversation and ask how her weekend was
>tells me about seeing a movie
>ask how it was
>tell her about how i might see 10 cloverfield lane this weekend
>she says she might need to check it out
>ask if she wants to go with me if she doesn't have anyone else to go with since i'm new to the state
>does a little laugh with flirty eyes
>asks about why i moved out of state anyway
>continue talking for a little bit after that
>doesn't give me any sort of answer
is this because i'm pretty new at this job and new to the state and she wants to get to know me more? or is just a polite rejection? the laugh and the look on her face made it seem like she's interested so i'm at a loss. i'm thinking about a follow-up on friday.
>>16892348
>i'm thinking about a follow-up on friday.
/thread
>>16892348
Girls often avoid being direct in saying what they don't want to say yet want to imply through other means. What you can take to heart from this is that if she really wanted to go she would have said so, everything else can be ignored. You can give it one more shot and simply mention that she didn't respond last time but I'm positive that she'll reject the offer.
>>16892364
>but I'm positive that she'll reject the offer.
damn, i mean she's pretty shy. is it really that concrete of a rejection?
>pretty sure I fucked up my chances with a girl in one of my classes
>she's cool, artsy, smart, unique, pretty, etc
>oneitis took hold a few weeks ago and now it's fucking with me
Few questions:
How do I cope with what might have been between us? I feel so shitty over my awkwardness/inexperience killing my chances before the relationship could 'bloom.' It's such a terrible feeling that just exacerbates my already horrible self-loathing.
How do I *prevent* oneitis? I've always been the type to have it. From 1st grade through the first half of 6th I had a crush one girl (obviously I haven't had oneitis for as long since then, but you get the idea; I have the disposition for it or whatever).
It's really fucking hard to cope with the letdown and disappointment of fucking it up, and oneitis only increases the pressure to not fuck it up.
.pmuB
>>16892345
are you asking for advice on how to cope with the fact that a relationship never happened?
by coping. there is no magical cheat code. you arent even asking for advice when you say 'how do i cope' you are just looking for an excuse to whine.
>how do i prevent oneitis
its not oneitis if it happens more than once mate.
>>16892433
I don't think oneitis means a fixation on one person for your entire life...
Sometimes I get this really intense urge to cry for stupid reasons.
Like just now I was watching the Revenant and there's this scene where this shirtless man is holding a violen next to a dying man and i thought "he should play for him. He might not get a priest but at least he'd get some music to die to"
and so a tear was shed. Why?
I'm a guy btw
I dunno OP, maybe you're just a kind of empathic person, but i think you're normal. I'm a male and i've sometimes shed tears when i heard songs about stuff that i found emotional (war songs, songs about young people dying tragically etc.).
I need help, religiously I feel conflicted and I dont know what to do, I consider myself christian and I dont want to change that, but the theory of evolution is something I can't toss to the side because of my beliefs, after seeing the evidence on evolution and the fossil records I belive evolution is true, but I am Christian. What do I do? Is this wrong to believe? Is the bible not entirely as correct as people may think? This has been eating away at me for years.
>>16892261
There are several sects of Christianity which don't teach contrary to evolution. For instance, the Catholic churches (Roman Catholic, Eastern Orthodox, etc). Those all teach that the bible is not literally true as a single narrative.
The bible must be viewed as a complex collection of documents of varying intent. That is true even if you aren't religious, as biblical criticism (the secular field of history and literature re: the bible) understands it was written in bits by dozens of people, for dozens of reasons. Think of it like an anthology, not a police report. The older churches all understood this when they assembled it. It was only way, way later that certain protestants began imposing literal and uniform meaning on the thing.
Biblical literalism is an eccentric heresy, which teaches that the institutions which assembled the thing have no ability to interpret it.
I'm not necessarily a Christian, but I've always considered religious texts to be more metaphorical than literal.
If you want to put a label on it, this sort of situation would be known as cognitive dissonance.
>>16892261
most christians just internalize the difference.
many parts of the bible were proven wrong. do you ignore that? nah. the bible has been written, and rewritten and and then hand picked from a large variety, then handed off to whoever ruled at the time to make changes as they saw fit.
the fact that there are thousands of other religions, some not so different, some vastly so, is an indicator that the bible isn't infalliable.
believe in a higher power. no reason not to. but as far as christianity goes, use the bible as a personal tool to help define your relationship with the lord, not as a word of god law. most of the stories in there are not much different than fairy tales. they are meant to teach you lessons. whether or not they actually happened is largely irrelevant. and what it claims is open to large interpretation. they said god made the world ina day. science says no.
but there's that big cliche of 'what is a day to a god?' could god have spent billions of years creating the world, and that was a day to him? the bible has so many ins and outs, that evolution doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of what could be considered 'flaws' within the bible. but literally no one in america is living in any sort of accordance with the bible. its damn near impossible to.
so again, use it as a tool to help define your personal relationship with god. ask for wisdom and you might at the very least find rationalizations. and dont let the words of men in a book confuse you.
>turned 19 last week
>no one wished me happy birthday except my mom
>oneitis is basically rejecting me
>all of my friends essentially abandoned me when we didn't get into the same greek organization
>now all I do is class, eat, lift, vidya, 4chan
>very little human interaction
>kissless virgin, too
Dunno what to do brahs. I'm lonely. I really thought things between me and this grill were gonna work out, but guess not. Any advice for what I should do to improve my life?
>>16892244
Get new friends, duh. This shit ALWAYS happens in college. You fucked up by believing early 2000s movies about friends being friends forever after high school.
College is about meeting new people, making new bros and having fun. You're not doing any of that. So get started on it. Join clubs, attend any and every event on campus, talk up bros at the gym. Girls come later when you have a new circle of interests and friends who will bring all of the girls they have.
Stop being a pansy and make some friends.
>>16892250
>>16892253
I have friends from my club sport, but we dont hang out that much unless we smoke weed. I can't even go to the formal this Friday because I have no date...
