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im someone that lives their life for love. i'm a fairly normal person otherwise. 24 years old, 5 relationships in total; my longest (and first) one lasted 5 years when i was with my childhood friend. i have a lot of close friends, some i've known for over 10 years. my self-esteem and confidence is fine, i'm not really lonely when it comes to my social life. i look decent enough and i'm not really conscious about my image or anything.
but, i feel like i have a huge flaw. my life, ever since my first relationship, has been too focused on love.
in relationships that are going well, i look forward to waking up every morning, i look forward to seeing the person i'm dating, making him smile, making him happy. i can't help but want to live for another person's happiness. as i've dated more people, i've come to put the happiness of the people that i'm romantically interested in above mine; their needs and their well being above mine. i don't do it to be a saint; it just genuinely makes me happy, to be responsible for the joy of someone that i feel like i love.
i feel that, this is fairly normal. but for some reason, i take it to an extreme. i let myself be stepped on, i let my happiness, needs and wants be forgotten about. the affection and devotion that i show has been told to me, is worthless. that i'm simply just easy. at first, i fought back. i put my own emotions above the emotions of my partner in my first relationship; and it ended awfully. but in my most recent relationships, i try my best to accept it. i try to change, i try to be patient, understanding; i learned to not try and emotionally manipulate to satisfy my own feelings, to not guilt or shame. i starve myself of affection and still try to make them happy. but in the end it doesn't work out.
my friends tell me that i have low standards. i honestly just want someone sincere, that i can love and be loved by. someone who enjoys being with me, and someone who i enjoy being with.
what's wrong with me
i guess in a way i'm not normal since, the ups and downs of my love life has made me depressed.
the best way that i was able to rationalize it, is that i'm a very loving person. i love giving someone affection, attention, devotion. i love making them feel happy, wanted, desired. and i love receiving the same affection; attention, devotion and desire. i love being wanted by the person i care about the most. in my first relationship, when i didn't get what i wanted, i bit back; i became a pretty bad person, guilting him, manipulating him, etc for what i wanted. i stopped, because it was those very reasons that he left me.
in between relationships, i just become empty. i don't have anyone to give affection to, i don't have anyone meaningful to receive it from. it takes time for me to go from relationship to relationship, because typically at the end my trust is shattered, and i have to do my best to distract myself and not become cynical enough to become a lonely cat lady.
i fall in love easily still. maybe i am just easy, and that the way i am isn't appealing. that what i put value in isn't worth as much to the people that i date, despite it being worth a lot to me.
>>17145680
You're the female me. We're made for the world to break us ;_;
Codependency?
>>17145684
>i fall in love easily still.
As a female you have a more complex brain than a man does in order to help you chose the right partner. Try to make use of it before you fall in love is all the advice I can give.
My mom hates me. She will never forgive me and i dont know what to do. I feel abadoned and like taking suicide and that my life is ruined forever
>>17145664
Are you the guy who's mom found his hardcore interracial gay trap porn on his computer?
>>17145664
Anon, take it easy. I'm assuming you're young. Things feel like they will never changed and are "ruined forever" when you're young, but you will see that it will pass. Your mom should and will forgive you because she's your mom. If she doesn't, fuck her, because she's not fulfilling her role as a mom.
If your mum wont forgive you then she's very shitty at being a parent. Part of being a parent is forgiving your child for doing the stupidest of things. If she continues to hate you and be an asshole then you're probably better off without her.
>>17145667
Oh boy this reply brought back some pretty shit memories.
How screwed am I if I ask my parents if I can meet my online friend irl when I travel to Spain before joining a Spanish course co-organised by my uni? What's the worse that can happen? I'm a girl and he is a guy and I don't want them to freak out. Mom is kind of overprotective and already thinks of staying at hostels is kind of risky.
Why do you ask your parents something like this? Do you also ask your parents whether you are allowed to try the spanish restaurants in the area?
But be aware, your "online friend" may be a lot more dangerous individual than you think. Make sure that you have someone who is also attending the course who you can trust also come with you, and make sure to pick a public and accessible venue.
Oh my god, why are you posting AGAIN? I fucking told you: if you're not happy with how your parents treat you, move out. Don't give me that 'it's too expensive to move out' bullshit again - move out or suck it up.
>>17145630
>Make sure that you have someone who is also attending the course who you can trust also come with you, and make sure to pick a public and accessible venue
Yes will definitely do these. I think the risks are small (but still there of course) if I follow safety precautions such as not leaving my drinks unattended when I am with my online friend, not accepting food from him, etc.
>Why do you ask your parents something like this?
I still live with my parents so I guess I have to ask them for permission.
I started talking to a girl on the internet 6-7 year ago. I really enjoyed talking to her, and we would talk forever and would get this warm feeling in my chest, and I would feel 'happy'. I soon then started to think about her throughout my daily life, while daydreaming on the bus or at work.
I recently just met her for the first time and for the most part everything went good but while sitting down talking to her I felt nothing, no emotions, nothing.
Now after meeting her and feeling nothing I still can't stop thinking about her(we haven't talked much after meeting). I still get these warm happy emotions when I think about her though.
What is happening here?
What is wrong with me?
Why didn't I feel anything when I met her?
Am I broken?
I dont know. When I met my internet qt I couldn't stop smiling and I felt really happy being there with her.
Maybe you loved the idea of her more than the woman
>>17145457
you made up most of her or made her better in your mind, basically you have to spend more time in person for it to merge or for you to decide to move on.
>>17145457
No, Jesus Christ. You're not broken. You've had this fantasy playing out in your head for years now and when it came time to meet face to face, it didn't live up to the hype. You can now accept the reality with this girl as it is now, or move on and develop a fake crush on a new internet girl.
TLDR: What is objectifying women and how do I not do it? Or at least not make women feel objectified.
In recent days, a change I have noticed is that I seem to have just lost the ability to fantasize about having sex with women. I do believe this is because my body is forgetting what it is like to masturbate. I would often fantasize about living in an alternate reality where I could fuck and 10, 20, 30 or 100 women I seen in real life or porn, imagining their naked bodies splayed out under me and how good it would feel with my dick inside their pussy. [I just got a 10% boner writing this]. But because that sensation in my dick is more lost to me, it seems that the whole idea of sex is fading away even as a fantasy. Seeing sexy women in real life or pictures does not change that, and still even if I watched a porn video, which I won't.
So my commitment to non-onanism and abstinence seems even more rock solid now. In the bigger picture, the loss of sexual fantasy is part of just accepting reality. Unlike in my fantasies, there is no suck thing as consequence free bareback sex that feels totally good afterward, and wishing there could be such things is just literal mental masturbation.
Nevertheless, I find myself deeply attracted to women even if all I can do is look at them. When describing my thoughts about women, people in real life, online, and my therapist have suggested that I see women only as sexual objects. One thing that stuck with me was once here on /r9k/ I was talking about how it would be nice if I could just have a chubby woman to cuddle with, with no expectation of sex, and none of the commitment/responsibility of being her bf- just lying there intimately embracing. People in the thread told me that its very creepy, as if all I care about is a warm body next to me. Similarly to how I described how yesterday I told a woman at yoga I think she's very beautiful and wore a sexy outfit, that I objectified her as if I care about nothing more than her legs and ass.
>>
masturbators anonymous *31 days fap free* 05/14/16(Sat)22:56:46 No.28574450â–¶
So my current challenge is trying to wrap my head around what the concept of objectification actually is? Is it real or myth? What is or is not objectification, and how to become a person that does not objectify women?
I'd love to hear you thoughts on this, so I can develop a better understanding and make the most of my therapy session next week knowing exactly what I want to work on.
>>17145359
Get off the internet dude, and stop watching the trash big media is peddling to you.
>>17145401
like I said, my therapist and others I talked to in real life have said similarly
I joined the naval reserve about a million years ago, and am finally getting onto a ship!
But I have some questions about preparing for it, and living aboard:
* Is there anything I should bring other than the obvious? (uniforms, laptop maybe, a good book, military paperwork/training packages, extra razors, etc.) Sewing kit? Extra velcro straps for attaching things to other things? Safety glasses? A tub of varnish? My lucky mug? A stack of 360 games? My own STANAG magazines? A variety of audio jack adaptors?
* I'm a fag; I'm no SJW or anything, constantly getting asked about slaying pussy and about girlfriends back home annoys me. Should I get it out of the way and say I'm gay early on, or am I just gonna get beat up or raped or discharged for "Lack of Camaraderie" or something?
* While on ship, other than my job, is there anything I should pay extra attention to keeping done or away from? I already know the rules about making coffee for the mess, but is there any other typical ship etiquette I should know of? I don't smoke and I'm not That Guy who'll carry around cartons of smokes just to make friends, btw.
what country, what rank, what will your job be on the ship, what is your previous military and nautical experience
where'd you go OP?
if you can't post try turning off your adblocker
>>17145341
>what country,
Canada. I'll give you that much.
>what rank,
PERSSEC
>what will your job be on the ship,
OPSEC
>what is your previous military and nautical experience
PERSSE-- Okay, I've been on a training vessel before, but it's only a crew of 20-ish and can be sailed by a (very overworked) crew of 4-6. I know well enough to check the weather before getting crunk lest I have to throw up in the heads all day because there's a rainstorm the next day. I also kinda understand the processes of going alongside and leaving port, but that's all.
Of course, this isn't CoD or a JRPG and I'm young, so this is my first military job.
Last week, I found out I'm pregnant. The father is a grad student at my college. I'm a junior and should be graduating next year. We dated from December-April. I really liked him and think he's a genuinely great guy --- smart, responsible, kind. But we were just too different and drifted apart. In fact, we never really "broke up", we just started seeing each other less and less until we weren't seeing each other at all. He admitted to being preoccupied with school (working on his PHD) to fully commit to a relationship. I felt the same way, so we parted ways. We have seen each other a few times since then and usually wave/nod at each other.
Anyway, ever since I found out about my pregnancy, I've struggled with how to tell him. I'm still figuring out what I want to do. I don't know if I should let him know before or after I make my decision, or if I should even involve him in it. I actually ran into him on Thursday in the elevator. We had a polite conversation about finals, and then I burst into tears as soon as he got out. I honestly don't know how to tell him, and the fact that I see him so often is making me nervous. It feels wrong to walk by him so casually now, but at the same time I'm scared of his reaction too.
That being said, when and how should I tell him?
>>17145325
>We had a polite conversation about finals, and then I burst into tears as soon as he got out
If this is how you are now, imagine how much of an emotional mess you'll be if you don't tell him, no matter whether you decide to keep it or not. He needs to know, definitely tell him, though I think the ultimate decision of whether or not to keep it is up to you.
>>17145325
Abortion
get that abortion, you don't want to fuck up 3 years of expensive schooling with one kid
My wife wants to try the adult film industry. She wants to try it together but not sure of how to even try or were to go to try it. Anyone know what to do or were to look? Also not sure if I have what it takes to do it or if I should just let her try it. We have made videos and posted them on some sites but she wants the real deal.
>>17145297
gotta know what we're working with first
link up your videos
>>17145297
If she wants to do if for monetary gain she has, at most, a year.
>>17145297
If you're okay with knowing that everybody close to you will probably see you banging your wife on some popular porn site, then go for it.
Am I autistic?
>get nervous/stressed from going to the grocery store or talking to people online
>have a bf (blessing in and of itself), but no irl friends
>borderline neet, go to work, come home and fuck around online
>have trouble empathizing with people (ex. customers where I work telling me about how they're going through chemo and it just feeling awkward trying to act/sound sad about it)
>both crave and want to distance myself from social interaction
>I like anime
>>17145262
That's not being autistic, that's just being socially inept. Literally go outside more often.
>>17145262
>Am I autistic?
stopped reading right there
you're on 4chan so the answer is yes
sounds more like social anxiety
I'm in love with my friends gf, I'm not sure how far her feelings go but she likes me too, we nearly had sex once, but stopped it before it went that far.
How am I supposed to deal with this situation? It's taken over my life and is all I can think about, from what she's said it's similar for her too.
Deal with it by not dealing with it. If she chooses to break up with her boyfriend, then there can be some sort of future there perhaps. But don't cheat with her on your friend. That says a lot about both of you 2bh, to nearly get to that point.
Have some fucking integrity in your life, and expect the same from those you care about.
>>17145250
I understand this makes us both terrible people, and we've acknowledged it. I know what I want, which is to be with her. I'm not sure if she knows what she wants, but for us to be together we'd have to give up a lot, I'd loose most of my friends. These are 10yr+ friendship, which I'm lucky to have.
I guess most of this is immaterial, I just need to know how to deal with the situation at hand. Maybe so it doesn't take up my every waking hour, drive me to drink etc.
Bump. This is killing me...
So, long story short, I noticed that this cute female on Facebook is mutual friends with my aunt. Turns out, they work together. I find out she thinks I'm cute, we chat on Facebook/phone over a few days.
>She promotes clubs as a side gig
>She knows tons of guys
>She loves to wear belly shirts at the clubs I guess
>Full time job with my aunt
>Has her guard up, has been cheated on
Despite some hesitation on her part, she agrees to meet at the mall;
>She tells me she won't be able to get all pretty or showered as this is last minute (which I tell her is ok, since I am just trying to see what she's about/Yet, end up looking like Jennifer Lopez before she hits the club the same evening
>I look my best of course; all showered, new shoes, fresh clothes; first impressions mean everything..
>I bring her a fake/stuffed/rose (she loves this)
>We end up going out to dinner
>I pay
>She says I'm cool and wants to see me again
>We hold hands
>She lets me hold her a little
>We kiss/Says she enjoyed it
As soon as I get home;
>She reminds me that she's not looking for a BF
>Says it's cool to be friends and maybe go with the flow
>Says she's "just living her life"
>She's 28 years old....
>Says my lips are really soft, but again, reminds me that her mind isn't changing.
Additionally, as she's telling me all of this, she notices that my attitude changes and I become extraordinarily passive. Almost as if she thinks that a 28 year old man shouldn't be mad at the fact that a 28 year old woman rather run the club instead of talking to a guy who I'm sure she can clearly see would treat her really good.
She tells me old stories about the men she was with... didn't like the fact that she went out to the clubs because they thought she was cheating.... but I think she's missing the fact that most women at her age quit doing this like this at like 25 years old.
Stay away from that one
Lastly,
>Says she wants to hang out again, the next day, POSSIBLY, if she's not busy.. even after telling me she doesn't want a BF.
>She says she doesn't want to lose my friendship and that she feels really bad..... also says that she knows I'm going to stop talking to her eventually because I'm not getting what I want--- like other men have done.
Newsflash, I'm 28 years old.... and I'm overdue for commitment. How's that not common sense?
As if I'm going to pretend to be her friend and wait around and hope that she changes her mind? Why would a woman go out of her way to do all of this confusing shit?
She should be smart enough to know that men our age are looking for a relationship.... and if I wanted to be her friend... I would have made that clear from the beginning... and I sure as hell would not have spent a dime on her ass for dinner!!
that's a weird 180.
she's probably looking for some fuk, if you're down for that only then continue on but be careful not to get to attached.
if you're looking for a girlfriend out of her then forget about her
I drank 1.75 liters of alcohol in 3 hours in an attempt to kill myself.
Obviously still here. What should I do? Existence is fucking gay. I have no high places to jump off of close to me, no guns. Only knives but that seems too painful.
Please advise me of painless escape planes from life.
>>17145111
How old are you and why do you feel this way?
>>17145111
Go buy a hooker? Why not at least have sex if you're going out?
If you cam afford enough booze to attempt to kill yourself with, you can afford a gun. Alternatively, absorb the same quantity of booze anally. Your blood stream will absorb it faster. Should do the trick.
Ok so my gf recently dropped this on me
>anon what if we recorded us having sex and sent it to someone/ posted it online
so naturally im thinking she wants to help some dude she knows get off
But she says thats not that case
tells me its because were both hot and really good in bed
It makes me uncomfortable knowing someone out there is jerking off to us
What should I do?
I've already told her im not okay with it but she just said that I would reconsider later down the road
do it and post it here. I wanna fap
>>17145065
It means she has an exhibitionist fetish. It's not necessarily for one guy.
It's kinda shitty of her to say that you'll change your mind, though. Very invalidating.
>>17145102
Shut up bitch.
Hello masturbators. What are some things I can do to up my hand-job game?
>>17144975
Try putting some GATORADE in your butthole
sand boxing
I dunno if you really want to. Handys are for blasting one out when no vaginas are readily available. Do you really want to be a pro at fapping?
I'm really frustrated, I have been with my wife for 10 years. She has never had an orgasm, even at the age of 33, it's becoming depressing. We have explored all types of options and methods but unfortunately it's not enough. There have been a few times during sex and foreplay were I have gotten her almost to the point of having one. But she will stop, and won't let me progress with what ever is bringing on these new feelings. I am starting to believe she was abused as a child an associates the good feelings with something bad. Any advise ? I don't make my feelings known so she won't feel pressured. But it's really bothering me if I can get off I want her to be able to feel good too.
>>17144971
Rape her
>>17144971
Just tell her. I swear 90% of couple problems are solved with communication. I'm on mobile and too lazy to double check, but you've been married for many many years so at this point you should be able to talk about anything. Tell her like you told us: "I just want you to feel good too". If she doesn't want it, she doesn't want it. If that's how she feels good then so be it. It's the thought that counts at least. Make love don't fuck.
>>17144971
Have you tried vibrators?
orgasms can be a spinal reflex. I initiate mine with the famous Japanese one. What is it called. .. someone help me find the name...
At 33 years old and never have had an orgasm? Sounds like maybe killing yourself is a good idea?
well, idk, I use to have this problem at 19 and I'd cry myself to sleep. Then I gave up and accepted that my body isn't capable of feeling good. I thought maybe I'm defective and I just have to deal with it. I let go of expectations and I realized I do have orgasms, except they're just not that noticeable. I think maybe your wife should spend time alone masturbating and see if she can recognize one. It doesn't feel anything more than becoming tired, but if you start to recognize it and focus on it, you'll develop satisfaction. Knowing that you came is 50% of the orgasm.
