Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 346. page
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I feel like a wreck right now and could use some exterior advice.
I've suffered from depression ever since I remember, but about half a year ago, I went through a very hard phase which was even more fueled by my drug experimentation at the time. Long story short, I went to a psychologist and a shrink, got on antidepressants and things were pretty alright, I didn't drink or do drugs, I worked out and things were okay. Eventually I started drinking and taking drugs (not every day) again so I stopped with the antidepressants because they didn't react well with those, and I ditched my therapy sessions with my psychologist because she insisted that I stop taking speed completely.
Anyway, if I decided to go back to therapy now, would I be stigmatized as a drug fiend in their eyes? Should I just search for a new psychologist or continue where I left off with an old one? Or do I not deserve therapy at all, if I can't even do the simple things they tell me to do?
Fuck, any kind of perspective is okay. I just need outside information, I feel like I'm going insane.
>>17287940
i feel like shrinks and shit don't do much but just provide an ear and a shoulder and charge crazy fucking fees in the process so i'd opt against a shrink
i self-medicate with cannabis and have for about 2 years cause of depression, not into other drugs as i don't trust that shit so i'd suggest cannabis instead of other drugs
continue the working out, meet new people and shit, slowly cut out drugs and you'll be fine
>>17287940
If you were steady on the meds, and doing better that you are right now, I think you have your answer
The old one will prob characterize you as an addict, but that doesn't mean he will look at you differently, just another page in the notebook
A new guy will start fresh, and have to dig into your shit to get a baseline. So if you liked the first guy i think you should stick with him
Why would your previous psychomancer not want your continued business? Don't be silly. It only makes sense that they'd want you to come back and convince you they can help. If you're afraid of people judging you just realize that's been happening before any fabricated guilt you may have.
Like anything, give it time and persevere. You'll get there if you want to.
I had super narrow shoulders for a man, never seen guy narrow like me
Then one of my best friends suggest me to swim long periods
After 2 years of regular swimmin now i have really broad shoulders and i am happy
But there is a fucking big doubt on my mind about how will my wife would react this fact?
Because if she had seen my genetic shoulder size, she would not find me attractive
Do you think she cares it?
>>17287903
What the fuck are you talking about?
>>17287903
>Because if she had seen my genetic shoulder size, she would not find me attractive
Hard training and your genetics enabled you to grow your back and shoulders. Why would you even give a shit about the past now that you're much bigger?
>>17287926
I am some kind of perfectionist and always felt insecurity about my shoulder width even i have broad shoulders at the moment, now i feel like my future wife will be shocked, and think twice about me:D
Can anything be salvaged from this tinder match???
I'm autistic pls help
>>17287901
Nope. Nothing for you to do but wait to hear back. You most likely won't. The ball's in her court. Messaging her again next week makes you look desperate. If she's truly interested in you, she'll hit you up when she gets back. That would be Monday. If by Wednesday she hasn't messaged you, it's way, waaaay over.
Just leave it as is.
>>17287901
FAIL - next should of been - when are you available
If there are any German anons that can help me out I'm trying to figure out if I can go to university in Germany.
I'm a dual U.S/German citizen and could live with my mother in Germany so economically I'm set.
The problem is actually getting in to a university, all I have is a high school diploma and my GPA was bad 2.7 enough that I don't think any universities would take me.
So is there a pre-university program I could do for like a year or something and then take an exam?
It's hard to find information because my German sucks right now but I'm already working on it
Was versuchst du zum major?
>>17287865
Engineering
>>17287868
Ho boy. Das sind durchaus konkurrenzfähig und die meisten Menschen in Deutschland versuchen, Ingenieure zu sein. Warum in Amerika studieren nicht?
/adv/ years ago, my best buddy in the entire world ended up killing himself, right in my backyard. I didn't grieve properly, I tried to be a tough guy stoic, clint eastwood. It's really caught up to me, I lost a relationship with a girl I truly loved who truly loved me and I need to grieve over that as well. It's been 5 years, am i still able to grieve properly? I don't even remember his face anymore.
How do I go about this please help.
Find a mutual friend and reminisce. You ain't got to boo hoo your eyes out, you can remember the good things, the little things. You can grieve through laughter and happiness. You just sound like you need a face to face with someone you can carry on a convo with
>>17287838
thanks anon, I have a mutual friend
>>17287838
Agree xcelent advice
What do you guys make of this?
My girlfriend of three plus years has always said things like "Don't worry about me during sex, it pleases me to please you." I for the most part do, but sometimes I want to pleasure her. She can't cum from penetration, says she doesn't particularly like oral (that it feels kind of good but she's never cum from it). Initially I would get her off with my fingers every so often but it took a while and my hand cramped. It's been a bit different recently, she seems to get hornier, more wet and when I tried to get her off after a long time of not trying, it didn't take any longer than it takes me to jerk myself off.
I talked to her about sex a bit today, I asked her if she ever masturbates, she said not in a long time. I asked her if she would appreciate if I did it for her more often and she said not really. I asked her if sex, masturbation and orgasm feel good for her and she said they do. I said even though she doesn't necessarily want me to get her off more often if she would mind if I did it more often of my own volition she said she supposes so, that she doesn't really mind either way.
After a while longer of talking, I came to the conclusion that she legitimately enjoys sexual pleasure but is also legitimately indifferent to it. She agreed with that notion and I asked her if she knew why, she told me she's never really thought about it that much. I asked her if it was anything traumatic but she said no.
Do I actually have a free pass to be selfish in bed? She's pretty willing to do most things in bed, quite submissive. But how is it possible for her to enjoy it but at the same time be indifferent? Is she playing with my head?
nump
>>17287767
Hey OP.
I think if she's been able to orgasm in the past, it's a good bet that she'd be extremely appreciative of you if you dedicated a lot of your sexual efforts to getting her to cum no matter what.
Buy special toys, communicate with her so you know when you're near the gspot, ask her what feels better than other things, etc.
Maybe she's just too nervous or unsure about her body to give you a real answer and she doesn't want to upset you if she said "yes I want to be able to orgasm with you".
Nah, she doesn't process it quite the same way you do. Girls focus on the relationship and sex serves as a connection, not just a feel good time.
It's tricky though. She may also be inexperienced or naïve. I would side on the idea she enjoys you being into her body, and the foreplay and sex is her validation. So ignoring her for a quickie isn't a free pass. My girl is similar, she doesn't think anything turns her on except sex, but some quick foreplay ups the game from a 4 to a 10
Is what I did really that bad?
I was working out of state in Iowa(from California). Took my fiance and was in out there and we lived there for two months. After this, we got into it and she was going to go back to California for a month or so.
When we left, and not on the best terms, she made me promise not to masturbate or watch porn. Seeing as we hadn't had sex for 5 days, that was the first thing I did when I dropped them off. I told I didn't. Fast forward to this morning and she finds out I did(im still not sure how she saw it. Should have just stayed incognito). She rushes me and starts punching me. I eventually get get off of me and get my keys and drive to my dad's.
I realize I lied, and I shouldn't have promised her not to, but I'm a 25 year old guy. I love her, and I go from being relieved of getting away from someone like this to missing her a ton. And yes, I have cheated on her, and she knows, but there's a big difference between me jacking off and fucking someone else
Sorry, she left to California about a month ago and I was supposed to be there for another year, but the job ended and I got back last week.
Posyed in a haste and from my phone, so I apologize for any typos or incoherent sentences.
I ain't gonna sugar coat it, you fucked up. I ain't interested in your penny ante reasons, all I know is you gave your word to this girl. You should be pissed at yourself for it. Your word is all she asked for and you couldn't hold yourself to it.
She deserves an apology. Get yourself together man
You're both retarded and don't belong with each other anymore. You cheated on her, so the suspicion will always be there, and it doesn't matter that you didn't cheat again. It's that you made a promise and broke it.
You literally have no remorse, and she's stupid for not leaving your dumb ass.
>tl;dr do yourselves a favor and break up
It's currently 6 in the morning, I can't sleep nor can I stop crying. I really feel like committing suicide right now
What do I do?
Call the suicide hotline. Seriously
>>17287747
Do you thing you'll be happy in the future? If yes, don't do it.
>>17287751
I don't think I could ever be truly happy
My dad's manipulative ex wife called and said some terrible things.
I don't call her my step mom or anything because they married when I was already an adult and that felt weird
So she called him yesterday and seems to know exactly what to say to irk my dad. I am the only person that still has a relationship with my dad. Of most of his siblings, my siblings, my mom, everyone lost contact. Except his sister, but she lives on the other side of the country.
She said that she talks to me regularly and I spill all this shit about him to her. I have no idea what she said, but it was convincing whatever it was.
I have never spoke ill of my dad. Especially after their divorce because she really showed me what a bitch she was. Also, she blocked me from everything, her phone, social media, etc. I had one argument with her at time of divorce. I knew anything I said would be held against me at some point. So all I said were positive, if not neutral things about dad and didn't give into her trying to escalate me.
She got upset and blocked me so that's how that happened.
Dad called me today, almost on verge of tears, thinking that I did this. Even when I said i didn't, he wasn't completely convinced.
What do I do from here?
>>17287723
Remind him of the type of person she is. Tell him what you just told us. Tell him she is trying to take you away from him so he'll be hurt and alone.
Dont call him. Sit him down face to face and explain it.
He's overly emotional right now. You're family. Your word should always come first. Remind him of that
So, I have been dating a girl for about 2 years now. For most of our relationship everything has been really great. We hardly ever fight, I think she is a great person, and have felt like I loved her until recently. For no particular reason it seems like these last few months I have just stopped wanting to be with her. I still care about her, and hope shes happy, but I have no desire to stay in a relationship. the things keeping me in the relationship are my fear of hurting her, the hope that things will be like they were, and the fear of what my life would be like without her. I have never shared these feelings with anyone, but it's been getting worse. I dont know what to do. Any advice?
>>17287652
In order to make a logical decision, you first need to identify why you feel this way.
Can you give us some background on your relationship so we can give you specific advice?
>>17287652
things get old man - rice krispies every morning, every day, week, month...
either try to spice it up with her, if you really have a good one... or if you are cold enough, look for a side interest, but know at that point, the true connection with your girl will be messed up going forward, with the deception thrown in the mix
remember the things you fell in love with her in the first place, and focus there - maybe go out and spend some money on a new activity together, if you really love her, you would at least try to spark the flame again
>>17287652
Focus on the good things about her. Write down all the things you love about her and what you would miss if she decided to leave you first.
If you find it hard to write anything down and you legitimately will not miss her and her affection in your life, it's time to move on.
But just remember that when it's over, it's over for good.
>be me
>no hobbies
>take a few days off work for a staycation
>literally spend it browsing the web (4chan mostly) and lifting
how do i get interested in things and be a guy who does stuff in his free time?
>>17287641
>staycation
what kind of normie shit is this
I hope you slip and fall into moving traffic
>>17287645
>tripfag being a retard
what a surprise
>>17287641
Bump. Looking for the same advice.
So, there is some messed up shit i did in the past and i can't figure out why i did it.
There was a guy i liked for a long time, loved his quirks, wanted to know more about him. He treated me as a friend and i always had a feeling that he'll stop talking with me if i stop showering him with questions and act less gentle.
He didn't want to know more about me, i threw a tantrum, he tried to be more considerate, but forgot soon.
His behaviour started driving me nuts, i believed he isn't interested the way i wanted and started subconsciously hating him and being passive aggressive.
Still afraid to confront, because don't want him to feel at fault or talking with me less.
In the end i ghosted him, supposedly because hatred prevailed.
Did he do anything wrong or am i an irredeemable human being?
Neither.
He didn't like you that much, but you're not terrible for cutting contact either. Sometimes things just don't work out.
You sound like you have BPD though, and therefore I'm sure you did plenty of things that do, in fact, make you a horrible person.
>>17287606
>Did he do anything wrong or am I an irredeemable human being
The latter, I'd say. I don't mean that to put you down, but the situation you presented is basically
>Guy I like is being nice
>MUST HAVE
>He's not nice being nice ENOUGH, I must persevere!
>Now I hate him, fuck that guy for being nice but not nice enough, hah
>>17287606
i would read the writing on the wall - if he really wanted to get to know you, he obviously would have tried, and any amount of you asking for it, will only like be forcing him to do it, just to be nice
if you know that he isn't interested the way you expect, then why even continue to like him? maybe one day he will see the light and want you? maybe, but thats a gamble
>hookup with a girl
>we finish
>she leaves
>"text me! :)"
>text her a day or two later
>no response
>another girl a while later
>"text me! :)"
>don't text her
>she comes back to me and fucks me on and off a couple days later
what the fuck??
>>17287520
Cancer
>>17287520
I'm not seeing the problem.
>>17287544
Because it's a cancer thread.
So yeah, I basically just got catfished.
I started talking to this girl a month ago in a NY thread, traded pics, shared some audio, and hit it off. We talked for a little bit and then kind of fizzled out. She messaged me again a couple of weeks ago, and I asked to meet up. We would make plans and something would happen for a couple of days and she had told me she was going away for a week. So, she goes away but we end up calling each other and talking, a LOT, watching tv shows and stuff, here I am thinking I'm flirting with a cute girl who lives nearby.
Well when the time of her vacation was up, she basically came clean to me. I don't know if catfish is the right term. But anyways, she told me she lives across the country, and that she isn't the age she told me she was, and that the photos she sent me were fake. Yeah.
So anyways we had a great time talking but I can't do long distance or anything like that. And now I feel kind of bad turning her down and stuff.
Any advice on where to go from here?
Thank you
Also,
>We would make plans and something would happen for a couple of days
To clarify that sentence I mean we would make plans but then something would happen to cause her to 'have to cancel'
>>17287468
Turn her down, acknowledge guilt, then go about your day.
>>17287486
i guess thats fair...this conversation has been going on for about an hour now with me explaining to her...when is it time to just say sorry goodbye and walk away?
hello
what are the signs of being sexually molested as a kid?
adv pls
another bump
girl or guy?
