Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 34. page
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Legit question - where do I find women? I think I tried about everything and all to no avail.
I heard they're outside sometimes
Just kidding, I'm also having this problem and at this point I'm so mentally fucked I can't initiate anything with strangers
>>17362833>>17362835
Dating sites? School, work, hobbies like sports, the gym, in the city....
Well they're everywhere?
>>17362840
Dating sites are too overwhelming for me. I mean, a lot of sites have bots for girls to start with, and the legit girls are being messaged by about 100 other guys and it just seems way too plastic to me.
I do plan to go to the gym when I have some more income, but right now that's not really a possibility. I work mostly with girls and I think it'd be a bad idea to try and establish something there 2bh. I have extreme social anxiety from lots of years of bad experiences, but I think I'm ok looking and I have a pretty good heart and decent personality when I can get comfortable around people. The problem is I get frustrated with myself and sometimes try to quicken the process with alcohol, so I used to be known as a bit of a drunk.
Where might a man find community of people who
>live together or very near
>Grow their own drugs
>Make grand bonfires in the woods, get naked and consume mushrooms
>Grow their own food and have some animals like cattle
And most importantly
>Would welcome major fuckups among their ranks
Where is that place in Europe anons, there must be some places like this dont tell me NOBODY lives like this anymore.
Some place i can go to tommorow or even today, knock on the gate or something, get taken in told to do something and in return be given place to sleep and drugs or food
>>17362821
You will find these communities in some bad 1960s fiction and noplace else.
>>17362821
Looking for a normal small community that you can just join with is unlikely enough. There's no way you'll find one that not only accepts drugs but also grows them. As far as running away and starting new, it's not 100% but you could visit rural farms (pretty much anywhere) and offer your services as a farmhand in exchange for food and a place to lay your head.
Small communities don't rely on drugs because they are not a bunch of depressed wimpy city boys to begin with.
Time for ultimate question /adv/? How to live?
Should you be asshole and care only about yourself while using others or is there a reason to be a "nice guy" or a "good guy" or even a "white knight" and stick to the rules while treating others the way you wish to be treated like.
So how is it /adv/?
An asshole wins duels. A nice guy wins wars.
>>17362807
If you exclusively pour out into others, always give, never take, then you'll find yourself very empty. Living selfish is shitty for everyone involved, too. Be a decent person, give some, take sparingly. Find a small/mid sized group of good friends and be very giving with them, build relationships with good people.
>>17362807
I think the best way us to hide your bad feelings. Tbh i absolutely hate everyone I know but I appreciate how useful it can be to have friends so i try and act nice when i can
Since I'm shy and not good at socializing,being funny etc I try to compensate by being nice and helping ppl but now it's gotten to the point where everyone just talks to me asking for favours, knowing I'm too dumb to say no. People who never talk to me will come asking me to do stuff for them and they're only "nice" to me when they need something. They even get my phone number from someone else and text me asking for favours. Idk how to say no without sounding rude or having them say im a bitch for not helping, but I'm sick of being used and not having any actual friends. How can I change this?
The cool thing is that you have no obligation to these people and most of them you'll never see again. Just cut off anyone that's using you, block them and never think about them again. It's rude, but at the same time they're not really your friends so why bother? For getting new friends you need to at least a little outgoing, join a club, sport, or group-based activity and just talk with those there. Build relationships where you can.
>>17362793
Practice saying this word in front of a mirror until you get it right:
No.
You're stronger than you think man. Yeah, cut all ties with people who use you. You need to just socialize more, maybe that can be people from your upcoming semester, workplace, wherever. Visit old friends maybe?
Also, just be honest with yourself. Do you really want to do favors for some cuck who doesn't care about you? Nothing wrong with saying no, you shouldnt care what they think.
Why do people keep telling me that "oh its ok other people have had depression or anxiety its k mate"
I dont want to be like those "other people", alright?
Not to sound too fucking rude, but I want to do something in my life, I'm not planning on dwelling throughout the ages
Fuck, this is why I don't feel normal, yes, sure, a specific amount of people might be having these moments too BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN ITS NORMAL
>>17362771
>Why do people keep telling me that "oh its ok other people have had depression or anxiety its k mate"
Probably because they want you to feel better? What is your question, exactly?
I think what OP means is that they want a solution that they can apply to the problem rather than being placated with statements they have probably heard over and over.
Living with mental illness can be extremely inhibiting to someone, especially depression.
Telling someone they aren't alone doesn't always resolve the issue, especially when it comes from someone who doesnt personally experience mental illness.
>>17362771
Yes, it is normal. Everybody (almost) have it to some degree. And it does not have to cripple you.
You develop strategies to cope with it and get to know yourself and what triggers you. I have dealt with panic attacks and some degree of generalized anxiety for many years (have also previously had depression). When I panic and feel my nervous system go bottom-up, I recognize instantly what is happening and what is triggering me. I know that it will pass and I know what to do to bring myself down. That helps me wind down faster, in a matter of minutes mostly now.
With generalized anxiety (fear of family or friends dying, me getting ill / losing my mind), it helps to develop a sense of humour to keep some ironic distance. Again, you get to know your own mind and eventually you can recognize the reoccuring irrational thoughts and brush them off with a laugh.
I am a Uni student and I am very succesful. So trust me, anxiety is not a death sentence. You just need the tools to deal with it, a healthy degree of self-irony and above all else, you need to be open towards what you are feeling.
Depression is a process and it needs to run its course - hopefully with the help of a skilled and humanitarian therapist.
Good riddance, bro. I know what it's like to feel all sorts of fucked up.
Hi, I'm just wondering if anyone else had a similar experience to me. I'm 27 and I've felt gay my whole life but I have always wondered if something happened to make me gay or if I was born gay.
When I was younger like 3-5 years old, I used to experiment with kids in my daycare in the bathroom (it was a christian daycare lol). There was like a group of 3 or 4 of us boys I can't remember. I remember that one of the kids showed us how to play with ourselves and then we all kind of went along with it.
Fast forward to me being like 5 or 7 and I'm showing my older cousin (he's like 8 or 9) how to kiss and suck dick. And go on to teaching neighborhood kids what I learned in kindergarten.
Again, fast forward to freshman year after the homecoming game and I'm 13 and my best friend is sleeping over. I tell him I'm gay and try to seduce him? Anyways give him a blowjob and he pretends to be asleep.
When I turned 20 I finally had sex for the first time with a drunk straight guy who literally raped me (I was definitely bleeding), but for some reason I loved it. Helped him get home after he freaked out for having sex with me and slept in his bed...the next morning was so awkward.
I feel like all the guys I go for definitely don't want a relationship. They just want me for sex and then get rid of me. I think that's why I like straight guys, because I feel like I don't deserve love. Has anyone been through any of this or can relate in any way? Haven't told anyone any of this...
kids experiment u fucking faggot
just dont do it so manyu times, ok thats weird
>>17362773
ok :(
>>17362766
The scientific data is still unsure whether there is a gay gene or it has something to do with early experience. But one thing is clear - if a homosexual person is "damaged" psychologically it is always because of shame, fear or mistreatment for being gay. That is, they are NOT gay because they are damaged, they may be damaged by social forces after being gay.
What are the risks of telling my therapist I'm suicidal? I mean on one hand I want to stop seeing him. He says I'm not ready but I guess I can still just stop going. He doesn't know I'm still suicidal (ever since over 1 year ago we never talked about this again). But on the other hand, this is exactly what I'm paying him for, right?
Maybe he's just not that good as a therapist. And I'm afraid that if I tell him I'm gonna be stuck with him for longer or that he's gonna take some sort of action, I've no idea what therapists do when someone claims to be suicidal. I'm often afraid I might actually kill myself but I guess it's not a real possibility if I haven't killed myself so far, right?
Suicidal thoughts come in varying degrees. Honestly it depends how vivid and how likely you are to act on them that determines how they react. Being suicidal isn't necessarily a ward sentence
If you feel like you need to hide something from your therapist, you should seek a new therapist.
And suicidal thoughts / ideation are to some degree always serious, regardless of how "actually" suicidal you feel. Take yourself / your psychological health seriously.
>>17362739
Suppose you broke your arm and went to a doctor, and for some reason he treated everything but your arm. Wouldn't you eventually say "Hey! I've got this broken arm, remember?"
So I've been dating this girl for a while and things have been going great, no problems or anything like that.
Today I think is when she trusted me with this but it was hard for her to tell. We were watching a movie and she just straight up started crying, I thought I did something but then she told me that she was assaulted two years ago.
It was by this guy whom she taught was a friend and driving her home after which he forced her to perform oral sex.
It was devastating to hear but I still don't know what to do. I told her it wasn't her fault and she said she's gotten over it and is much happier with me. Of course hearing this for the first time I wanted to kill the guy but she didn't want me to know his name or where he lived. At the time before we met she told her ex who was away and no else after.
I don't know what to do. Apparently I mentioned him once in a conversation and her ex knows him too so she told him a fake name that day.
Is it reasonable for me to go ahead and try finding him to confront him and "remind" him about it? I just can't accept that it just happened and he will get away with it.
Nah that's fucking movie shit and might get you in trouble.
Just leave all decisions to her, and if she wanted something done she would have probably done it by now. This isn't the 19th century, you don't have to defend her honor of whatever. Ask her if she wants to file a complaint and then move on.
>>17362707
not your fight OP
>So I've been dating this girl for a while and things have been going great, no problems or anything like that.
That's what she wants you to think.
>Today I think is when she trusted me with this but it was hard for her to tell. We were watching a movie and she just straight up started crying, I thought I did something but then she told me that she was assaulted two years ago.
She was emotional like fuck out of nowhere while just chilling with you, talking about (("assault"))
>It was by this guy whom she taught was a friend and driving her home after which he forced her to perform oral sex.
'Forced' cmon OP you should see what's happening by now
>It was devastating to hear but I still don't know what to do. I told her it wasn't her fault and she said she's gotten over it and is much happier with me. Of course hearing this for the first time I wanted to kill the guy but she didn't want me to know his name or where he lived. At the time before we met she told her ex who was away and no else after.
>"I told her it wasn't her fault and she said she's gotten over it and is much happier with me."
Is much happier with you compared to who? Her "assaulter"? Isn't that a given, and not something she'd comfort you with after telling you she likes to be forcefed dicks?
>I don't know what to do. Apparently I mentioned him once in a conversation and her ex knows him too so she told him a fake name that day.
Better find out the other side of the story bud
>Is it reasonable for me to go ahead and try finding him to confront him and "remind" him about it? I just can't accept that it just happened and he will get away with it.
No OP, not under any circumstance should you try to confront your womans assaulter, as you might find out you're bashing in the wrong head afterwards.
Anyways, IMO she cheated and feels bad now.
I could be wrong ofcourse
is it me, or are women more easily put off mid-sex? One awkward comment or whatever and I find many will instantly decide they want to stop, even if beforehand she was horny and was engaging in foreplay etc.
>>17362699
I don't know, I really cant relate to that because I'm pretty easily put off myself and I'm a guy. It has happened to me a few times that I lose my erection because of something she does or says, and I need to start it up again and focus before I can continue...
Doesn't happen to me often, of course, but it has happened a few times, while I've only had one experience where she was put off.
>>17362699
What was the comment?
"I wonder if your mom's tits look the same as yours" will probably turn her off
>>17362699
Perhaps you're bad at sex
Does anyone else experience random anxiety while traveling? At random times over random things? The last 3 trips I've taken the first 2 days I feel super fucked up. Can't eat, and just feel tense. Then after a few days it starts to fade. But it's every fucking trip and it pisses me off. Like, I flew Business Class for the trip I just took and couldn't even enjoy it because my stomach was so damn flustered.. My vacation is over now and I'm about to head home, when I went through Customs I didn't feel nervous, but I know I acted nervous which makes no sense because I'm not doing anything wrong. The agent was looking at me weird. I'm actually surprised they didn't screen me again based off nervous behavior.
I really hate this shit. It's every single trip. Before I go, I feel ready and look forward to the trip. But once I go, I feel fucked up the whole time. I haven't been able to finish a meal in the past 3 days...
Just seeing if anyone else deal with this shit. I'm fucking tired of this, I can't enjoy anything.. I'm going to try to get a appointment with a therapist or something
I have this problem. Big time.
The bigger problem is that I travel for my job 1-4 times per month.
It's my hobby to do things I really really hate.
The way I deal with it.... is that I just do it as much as I can and the anxiety diminishes with each time.
ocd about a terrorist attack
>>17363505
no, not at all
i want to make a facebook (for the bitches) but i dont want certain people to ever come across my profile and preferably never know it exists. Is there a way i can ensure they never know about it?
They can usually find you through your e-mail, but I think FB has some options to get rid of this. I'd use a new e-mail that never interacted with any of these people just in case though.
block them?
>>17362671
Kill them.
Hey /adv/, i need your opinions / thoughts
> own apartment
> apartment is shitty
> spend money on renovations
> school / life happens
> haven't been paying rent on time
> get a notice that I'm being taken to court
> I owe about 12K in rent
Has anyone been through something similar? I don't have 12K, but I can definitely pay it off over time, how worried should I be?
>>17362642
Have you got enough equity to remortgage?
>>17362642
> haven't been paying rent on time
> I owe about 12K in rent
how many months did you miss to pay your fucking rent ??
>>17362680
>School/life happens
He also said it's a shitty apartment so i'd guess like 2 years, costs of not paying rent is also alot
Unfortunately, my penis length is quite below the average, and this is causing me problems. It's 4 inches long (maybe barely above that) when erect, and it doesn't seem to be long enough to remain inside my girlfriend's vagina during coitus. I've been reading into this and apparently all you need is 2.5 to 3 inches to have a successful intercourse, but I can't... it keeps slipping out.
Missionary is the only position that seems to work, but only if I'm careful and barely pull it out. Cowgirl is the same, but worse; she moves too much and it always comes out. Doggy style and other similar positions we've tried are a disaster and don't work at all.
This is a real problem, and it's really grinding me down. My girlfriend is nice about it (says it's fine, that she likes my penis, and so on), but I know she definitely isn't satisfied with our sex life, and I can tell she's bored of always doing missionary, and so she tries to avoid coitus. Our sex sessions mostly consist of oral, and me masturbating her with a dildo... and they're becoming more and more scarce. Everything else in our relationship is fine, and I really don't want this to end up falling apart, but our sex life is definitely a growing issue.
Is there any position any of you guys can recommend me or any advice you can give me to help me fix this?
>>17362630
What is your height and weight anon.
If you are overweight you can fix this by loosing it. Loosing 35 pounds will give you some inches. And work the fuck out.
And I don't know if it works but try jelqing. That's all I can really say. Sorry man.
>>17362753
I'm 6ft and 167lbs; not really overweight.
I could use some exercise though... idk if that would help me improve my sex life, but it's something I should do as I quit the gym a few years ago and haven't done shit since.
Jelqing doesn't work (or didn't work for me... I tried it years ago).
Thanks for the reply
>>17362753
How does loosing weight make your penis bigger? O.o
I've been a weak, autistic loser through all my life. I've realised that in the past few years, after I started finally accepting the fact that I'm this pathetic creature, that the constant awareness of it has turned me into a huge fucking cunt.
Here's the reason: think of the classic bullying scenario, where you're bullied because you're too weak to fight back and too shy/autistic to answer back. If you were strong or sharp, you'd never be picked on, but since you were an "easy target" people picked on you. And it's not just with bullying. I remember that when teachers wanted to impose order in class, they wouldn't ask some popular funny kid to stop talking or threaten to expel him from class, because he could easily turn the situation around and make an idiot out of the teacher. They would, instead, yell at someone like me and then punish us because we couldn't fight back. They'd make an example out of us, not others, because we were the losers.
This is a pattern that I've become accostumed with, and I started to read the world and people's actions through these terms. This idea that I'm receiving a special negative treatment has become so ingrained in my mind that I can't ponder, at almost every negative interaction I have, if that person is just acting a certain way towards me because I can't do anything about it, or because he expects me not to be able to do anything about. I get sensitive at most jokes, I get aggressive whenever I detected a tone of reprimand in someone's voice, I get absolute bitter whenever someone ignores or snubs me, etc. I immediately imagine that they wouldn't treat me like that if I were stronger, or taller, or wealthier, or more extroverted, more popular, and so on.
The result if, of course, that I'm a fucking dick all the time, I'm constantly being an asshole, and I'm aggressive almost by default because I feel like if I'm not, people will exploit me.
Am I on the path towards misery if I keep doing that?
Jesus Christ I can't be the only one
Life has jaded you anon, I understand how that feels. I want you to know something though, you can be assertive and still be kind. If you want to stand up for the little guy then do it, I am completely supporting you on that, but keep in mind that being aggressive doesn't mean you're assertive. People respect assertive people because they have a level of control on their emotions that weak/aggressive people do not.
Honestly, seeking therapy can really help with these problems, it can help you sweeten your bitterness.
To answer your question, yes you are headed on a terrible path. Jadedness is a self-feeding cycle. You will hate yourself more and more until there's nothing left of you to love.
>>17362692
>Jesus Christ I can't be the only one
You aren't. I'm not and never was a bully target, but people often would take advantage of me because I always was a hard worker and willing to help others. I was blinded by this and thought I had friends. I realized that I never got calls to hang out, or nobody ever asked how I was doing, so I became a bitter piece of shit, and broke ties with everyone that used me this summer. They haven't noticed yet, but one did. They were shocked by my hostility:
"Hey anon can you help me write an essay for my composition class?"
"No."
"Aw why not?"
"Because you don't deserve it."
""What?"
I didn't want to deal with their bullshit anymore so I just blocked them and continued with my day. Keep it up Anon, I feel you man.
So back in early May I met a girl at a small local festival. We spoked, eventually kissed and added her on Facebook to sustain contact.
Days later, some of the boys from class had somehow found out I was talking to this girl, and after being pressured by one of the boys to reveil her name, he immediately claimed she was a cheap slut ''and has probably already fucked half her school''. The other boys got to know this and kept reminding me how cheap she was - few were serious, rest just played along. I kinda started to believe them, but I stood my ground and remained optimistic.
Fast forward 3 weeks. Me and the girl had been on multiple dates and she turned out to become my girlfriend and even best friend, someone who I truly love and who feels the same. We have now been together for 2 months and we are smooth. However, some of the boys keep calling her things like 'slut' and they got pretty mad at me because I would rather spend my time with her instead of them one night.
I used like these guys a lot and we are currently attending senior high together. Now I find it difficult to like them as long they are not showing me, my girlfriend and our relationship some respect.
I feel like it's either her or them, and I really don't want it that way. What the hell should I do?
>>17362616
Defend your girlfriend, so what if she even is a slut? You have an amazingly slutty girlfriend and that's awesome. Your friends need to stop hating.
>>17362616
Stop being a little bitch and defend your girlfriend. Your friends sound incredibly jealous and sipping on that hateraide.
>>17362616
Your friends are mentally in elementary school.
