Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 331. page
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Hello adv, I keep having these dreams of my father abusing me, mostly choking me, what does this mean?
Dreams are nothing more than your brain attempting to process all the random crap that it didn't have time to deal with over the course of the day. It tries to do this all at once, and so things get mashed together in ways that often don't make much sense to the conscious. Seeing something in a dream only means that that thing has been on your mind, possibly in ways that aren't even connected to the context it had within the dream itself.
Recurring dreams, in and of themselves, mean only that the thing you're dreaming about is on your mind a lot. So for whatever reason, you've been doing a lot of thinking about your dad, abuse, and choking.
I'm sorry to hear that you're hurting. These things in combination must be very frightening to think about. But could you tell us more? Why are abuse and strangulation on your mind so much these days? What about your dad? Is he in fact abusing to, or did he in the past, or are you afraid he might do it in the future? Or do you know someone else who is being abused by their own father? Or is your brain just mashing unrelated concepts together?
>>17291616
>Dreams are nothing more
Dropped.
Dreams are extremely complex things that we have little knowledge of how they work.
Sleep apnea.
I need your help, /adv. I suffer from hemorrhoids for a couple of months now and can hardly sit at my desk. I tried a few home remedies but they didn't help much. I found this website https://hemorrhoids-home-remedy.com/ that suggests using suppositories made of coconut oil and garlic. Has anyone tried this and knows if it works? Or do you have any other ideas about what I can do? I don't really want to see a doc..
People are going to tell you to see a doctor.
1. Hemorrhoids do not last that long.
2. Hemorrhoids in some cases need surgery.
3. It might not even be motherfucking Hemorrhoids.
>>17291546
I know you don't want to, but you have to see a doctor.
If it's been a couple of months then the hemorrhoid has definitely clotted and you'll need to have the clot removed surgically or you risk other really terrible and painful complications.
Seriously just go and do it. I had the same problem years ago and it only got worse and worse until I finally just sucked it up and saw the doctor. Haven't had any problems since.
Also anti-inflammatories like ibuprofen tend to work pretty well in keeping them at bay of you feel them coming back.
>>17291563
> or you risk other really terrible and painful complications
Like what? I thought that only the hemorrhoid could get worse.
Thank you for sharing your experience though, it's appreciated and I'll consider seeing a doctor if what I mentioned in my OP doesn't work.
Me and my girlfriend have a happy relationship for almost a year, but today i notice tha she keeps her facebook status as 'Single'.
I really don't like facebook but she access everyday, so I doubt that she just forgot to change.
I'm a grown man and I know this isn't so important, this make me more silly.
I don't know how to talk about this without drama and don't be a fool.
Just change yours to in a relationship with her. It should give her a notification for her to accept or decline it. If she declines, that's weird.
>>17291541
Are you keeping your relationship a secret from someone? Maybe her relatives or something?
It's probably not a big deal, anyway. I'm a girl myself and I enter facebook sometimes and I can tell you, I could totally forget to change my relationship status. It's not an important thing, really.
It was important in highschool. I rarely even see notifications theses days..
If I were to get in a relationship is maybe hide mine, but honestly whatever
Stole my older brothers safe full of drugs, threatening to kill me
>Jan he quits job
>April dated this girl who was dating his roommate
>She switched to my bro because he sold pingas
>She's just leeching off of him not paying rent, enabling him and supporting his activities
>I pretended to be ok with it
>He left the house and I stole the drugs threw them in the bush
>Brother is trying to get my parents involved
>Threatened my girlfriend
>Threatening to torch my girlfriends house even if I give the safe back
Fucking degenerate he is.
I'd be fine with just weed but it's a plethora of other kinds of pills and stuff. Including illegal fireworks he throws at homeless natives.
I took it to get him to stop relying on that income and avoid him getting jailed. Not so adamant about saving him now that he's gone wild on me.
Should I report him to the authorities ?
pls?
>>17291533
>Stole my older brothers safe full of drugs, threatening to kill me
Ok first up exactly how did you /think/ he was going to react to this? Were you expecting him to turn round like "oh well, guess I'll just go back to school now then, maybe join the church choir while I'm at it"?
Second, there are right and wrong ways to help people. What you've done is like worrying about a bloke who rides his motorbike too fast so you "solved" the problem by ramming him in a pick up truck - then saying he's being unreasonable when he complains about being paralysied because you think he should be grateful you put him in a wheelchair. The reason he's reacting this way is because he owes his suppliers significant amounts of money for those drugs. Money he doesn't have and now can't get, because he has nothing to sell. When his suppliers find out they're not getting paid (which will put them in the same position with their suppliers) the things they'll do to him are going to be orders of magnitude worse than what he's threatening to do to you.
I'm not coding people selling drugs here, nor am I claiming your brother is a saint. However the impression I get here is that you knew full well this wasn't going to help in the slightest - or rather that you never had any intention to help in the first place. You decided for whatever reason that you were jealous of your brother, and when you couldn't bear that jealousy any longer you decided you'd fuck his life up in the most spectacular way you knew how. Now you're playing the victim card and are unable to understand why you're not being hailed as a hero.
>>17291577
He's gotten them off of a website where you pay and they're posted to you autonomously.He owes nobody, I know he has no buyers or debts to dangerous people.
It is slightly wrong but I'm trying to intervene and break it up before he relies too heavily on it for a living.
Is driving Uber worth my time? Just be honest with me. I drove my old micro SUV into the ground doing it and made a decent amount of money and I just recently got a new car, is the wear and tear going to be worth it? Or should I just use it as a commuting car to get to and from work? Work is just up the street so I don't drive it other than that really.
Do it as a side thing while working a job, should work out for you anyways
If work is up the street why would you buy a car in the first place?
>>17291564
I hate walking/biking all the way to work and enjoy having my own means of transportation without relying on others. I was going to start biking but some piece of shit jacked my new bike.
I am 25 now but I feel like I wasted my time in college from a "getting to know yourself" stand point. I still have no idea about sexual things. Still haven't had a girlfriend and have not been drunk or anything. I am getting upset because my friends called me foolish for not taking advantage of those years.
Are those years really that important? I mostly feel sickened by the no girlfriend part. I have never had the spark to attract women.
What's important about those years is that you have no obligations and you get away with more stupid shit because people don't expect you to have more forethought and sense of responsibility. And of course hooking up and casually dating a twenty year old when you are also twenty is different from either dating a twenty five year old, or dating a twenty year old when you have five years on them. In that sense doors have absolutely closed.
But
>from a "getting to know yourself" stand point
I don't really agree with. There are plenty of people who spend their late teens and early twenties YOLO'ing it up, and that won't magically give you insight in yourself and what you want out of life. (At most it can cause you to get sick of fucking randoms and partying.) For that you need the combination of experiencing and trying things AND introspection, and introspection is something that many young people lack and don't value either. So don't worry too much about that part.
It's also not true that just because you missed the most cliche period to find yourself, you can no longer do crazy stuff or have those first flutters. You would probably be surprised at how many people are in a similar position and don't follow exactly the same timeline as most. Besides, there is absolutely no point in chewing on regret about this. You made your choices, deal with them, and if you're unhappy use that as incentive to make different choices now. Everything else is useless and a waste of your energy and time.
>>17291496
It really doens' t matter if you enjoyed those years.
>I have never had the spark
It's called flirting, woman will assume you're not interrested if you don't show them you're interrested. Try it.
>>17291538
But flirting with women will earn you their anger. I don't go clubbing so flirting with women in everyday areas seems unnatural.
What to do when a person that means something to you is having suicidal thoughts?
I was in a clinic recently to treat my depression and i am a lot better by now. In there i met a girl whom i kind of fell in love with. But in the end it didn't work out and we stopped it all. Now we are just close friends with feelings still somewhere in the air. But that's just the background anyway. She is feeling really bad and just recently quit her voluntary social year. And all in all seems to be spiralling downwards.
Recently she asked me how to deal with suicidal thoughts, because mine were pretty strong. And i tried to give her advice but really i don't know how i could or should help her. She doesn't have a therapist any more because she can't get herself to organise it.
She lives in a different city than me so i can't be there in person to help her. And I'm really worried that she will do something stupid. She has had a suicide attempt i guess you could call it - she passed out on the way to the rooftop... Lol
So any ideas what i could do? I know its not my job or responsibility to help her but i really want to because i care about her. I just feel really helpless.
>>17291495
You should tell her to see someone, other then that there's not much you can do. That's just the sad reality.
>>17291817
This.
You're not a specialist, and realistically they are not even going to know what their problems are for you to help with, you need to encourage them to see a therapist (talk therapist, not pill pushing psychiatrist).
>>17291495
I have had the same problem. My advice is to forget about her before she brings you down with her.
>>17291817
>>17291822
Listen to these anons.
interestig hobbies for people with no friends? I am in my 20s and female. All i have planned this summer is beach movies work and sleep. Is sleeping all weekend depressing?
Make some friends
Masturbate read play videogames kill a couple people figure out what you like
It's not, as a college student i'd gladly sleep forever.
But it sounds like degradation and wasting time kind of.
I want to do so many things on my holidays and they all are solitary and require only internet and paper.
Read books, get into origami/papercraft, draw, cook new stuff, sew, crochet, make handmade accessories.
If you didn't mention sitting on the computer all day, you probably don't like activities related. Learning photoshop or some other software is handy. Try fun stuff like Duolingo, Khan Academy, Coursera.
I am a newbie to makeup, so i'll watch youtube for that, there must be lot of things you wanted to know too.
There is a ton of solitary activities you could try.
Videogames, watching tv series and films is nice, but very bad in enormous quantities, keep in mind.
How do I make a liquid mixture that smells like vagina?
>>17291475
fish oil and limes
You must go on a pilgramage into the amazon jungle
At the heart you will find the sacred tree. Collect it's sap for your mixture.
Be warned-the journey is frightful
Get a vagina and milk the juice from it.
Always think that most normalfags will find me lame if i say anything about myself.
So I don't, only smalltalk and can't befriend them.
How to fix that?
If they think you're lame, they wouldn't have been worth your friendship anyway.
Just try it and see what happens dude. Most normal people out there are more kind than you're giving them credit for.
>>17291509
I am legit afraid of being ridiculed, i already have ugly face.
My solitary behaviour already puts me in "that weirdo" category, i have to lie to hide that the only thing i did yesterday was browsing bulbapedia.
What kind of common ground can i find with normies?
>>17291464
You mean hipsters?
>Left relationship of three years.
>Lost the house, pets and furniture.
>That's okay, I have savings; decided I'd move to a new city.
>Freelance work and earn good cash, living with housemates to cut costs.
>Sleeping with a lot of girls and have a fwb/semi-girlfriend.
>Best sex of my life, sends me lots of love and affection to keep me satisfied.
>Still miss ex even though she treated me crap and admitted she took me for granted.
>It has been four months since split.
What the fuck else can I do? I just feel like I have exhausted all the rebound options.
>>17291450
Keep living it up dude.
The security you felt with your ex was a false one.
>>17291454
Thanks for the solidarity. I just fucking feel so down and out some days, like I am wasting my time fucking around. Is that normal?
Forget your ex and get your pets back
How do I assure myself tonight that tomorrow I will do the things I want/need to do and not procrastinate my day away for the umpteenth time?
Making a plan helps
>>17291400
you can't may as well just give on up and go back to the base pardner
>>17291400
Make a list and after its complete reward yourself with drugs.
Hi /adv/. Long time lurker first time poster. I cheated on my gf last night with a colleague. I'm currently consumed by guilt and I don't know what to do.
I love my girlfriend but things aren't great. We're constantly on the verge of breaking up and argue constantly. This colleague and I have become close but I don't feel much of a romantic connection. I know I'm a shithead.
Will telling my girl ease my guilt or should I keep quiet as this was most likely just a one time thing?
>>17291326
Don't tell her and break up. You care about her, which is why you feel guilty, but if your relationship got to the point where you are unhappy and you're willing to cheat, there's no point.
Don't date your colleague either.
Find someone you like and you're happy with.
You don't love her. You love the thought that you have someone, which means you really only love yourself. Since you love yourself and only care about yourself, the best thing (for yourself) would be to end the relationship and pursue what you really want. Asshole.
>>17291331
Thank you.
For years now I've been going around mental health professionals and GP appointments changing lifestyles but nothing has ever made me happy. Doctors have just said I have reasons to be sad but it doesn't help they just admit they can't do anything and let me go. I'm not even that lonely I've dated people had friends that are conservative that I can debate with or outgoing friends that I went to gigs with but its never been enjoyable shit like drugs aren't even fun I gave up after trying them a handful of times. Settled down with just staying inside all day people take me outside on occasion but it just stresses me out and upsets my stability
>upsets my stability
you're depressed
>>17291289
anon i feel you.
I think sometimes the best we can do is just shock therapy
to be let alone in a jungle and just survive or die
>>17291289
Gotta shake things up big time every now and again. Get on a bus and go somewhere random.
Anyone with experience with long term relationships please advise.
I have been with my girlfriend for just over 3 years now and things have been a little rocky recently, she has felt the need to see friends a lot and drink/party with them time to time to break up the monotony in her life due to work/study and commitment to another person (me). This isnt a problem at all but i feel like she has more fun with them because they are a collective group of people, i asked her this and she responded saying she still has fun with me but its a different kind of fun, like she has a side suited for me and then a wilder more sassy side that she is like around her friends. I have little worries about her cheating or anything so this isnt about that, its more about how people keep things going after such a long time together, eventually you will not be able to keep up super interesting banter and things are just comfortable and familiar, im a very laid back person and love my girlfriend with all my heart and im realistic so things like this dont bother me but i have felt she might take me for granted because of the familiarity. She has admitted she prefer not invite me along to her friend gatherings because she prefer to not worry about how im doing the whole time and if im having fun because obviously she will be conversing and catching up with her friends which i also understand.
I'm not even completely sure what i'm asking here, i just want to know if all of this is normal and expected from long term relationships.
What exactly are you concerned about?
>>17291260
Well ever since she has started to feel the need to let loose and see friends more than she used to, i've felt a little insecure about our relationship and how she feels about us, she still tells me she loves me and everything so i dont really have a good reason for feeling this way, its like im fearing she will get bored of me at this rate, just wanted to know if these kinds of phases are normal in long term relationships.
>>17291260
She parties a lot and he isn't invited. He can't spend more time with her to create a stronger bond through physical connection. He feels that there's an inadequate level of bonding going on at this point in the relationship. It appears the relationship is actually transitioning into something he doesn't like. It's possible he fears the worst.
Or none of this is right and he just wants to be a part of her circle of friends and it's weird he wont ever be given the chance.
