Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 2196. page
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tl;dr: Moved to small college town with GF, hate it here, don't love her, broke, late 20s and need a restart.
Moved here almost a year ago because there was nothing else going on in my life and I figured "well it can't be any worse than where I already am." I now have 0 friends, no passion in life, she treats me like a child even though I do all the work around the house and drive her to class and everything, and I'm broke because I work a crappy job doing something I hate and I have to spend everything on college loans and rent and shit. I hate my job, I don't love my gf, I hate this town, I hate what I got my useless degree in. I seriously need options. Can I have some suggestions as to what to do? I've kind of accepted that at this point in my life, I will never ever be happy no matter what I do because I will always believe there's something more, so I would be fine with working a job I didn't like as long as it pays well. Should I get another degree in hopes I can get a higher paying job? Should I just disappear and move back home and try to collect my shit? What do I do? Really need help, the first 26 years of my life have been boring, dull and shameful at best, I don't want the next 26 to be the same. It's almost a miracle I haven't committed suicide yet desu.
>>16475636
>liking your job
lmao @ u
>>16475644
Eh, I guess that's a good point
Anyone pls
i just cheated on my girlfriend /adv/
we spent the last 10 months in a wonderful relationship, the first one i've had in years. that infatuation phase is now over and we started to fight more and more often a few weeks ago
last night i had dinner with my coworkers and a female whom i'll call E, things quickly got out of control and we ended up in her dorm
i was unsure if i really loved her but now i realize how much my girlfriend means to me
the guilt is killing me from inside, should i tell my girlfriend?
haha
check my dubs
You're more desirable than 99.99% of the men on /adv/, gratz.
>>16475581
obama fuck off
check my dubs
I have been living with my boyfriend for 6 months. And honestly I feel a bit neglected and I am starting to believe he doesn't love me anymore and is only with me because he's scared of being alone or something..
I've noticed that he treats cuddling like it's a chore now, he seems to not enjoy it at all. He doesn't want to sleep on the same bed with me (we have a pretty big sofa bed and a twin sized mattress) and uses the excuse of it not being comfy but they feel the same.
He never wants to do anything with me aswell. For example I suggested we go see a movie together and he whined about how he's always with me and just wants to stay home. But then his friend asked him and he got up right away and went to the movies (he brought me aswell because I get tickets cheap for being a military dependent)
He also slightly ignores me when I talk, and its starting to hurt.
I asked him many times if he still likes me, and he tells me he loves me but just wants to be alone.
So I leave him alone, I go for walks that can last 5 hours. I see my friends, I sometimes will sit in astronomy classes on campus since they are a few hours as well. But he still acts like we spend too much time together.
I've even told him I'll just move out and go back home but he begs me not to.
It's so confusing and I might just end it all if it continues to be this way because it just doesn't feel fair to me.
What should I do? Can this be worked out or should I just go home (which is in another country)
>>16475511
My ex did the same thing, treated togetherness as a chore, not wanting to cuddle, jumping at the chance to go hang out with friends but balking at doing literally anything else
He may still love you but he's getting "comfortable", a lot of guys do this where they make bold promises and advances and work themselves at 110% instead of acting normal, and when they feel they've "succeeded" in getting a relationship, they stop trying as hard and even start getting lazy.
It may be worth expressing your concerns, about him ignoring you and not wanting to hang out, about feeling unloved. But it rarely works out as far as i've seen. Men are usually either slow and consistent or fast and then they crash. You'd be better off finding someone who does the first
Guys like to hang out with friends. He's still in love with you.
>>16475537
>>16475544
Ahh I guess I'll just start to focus on myself more then and take up more hobbies. Normally I try to leave him alone for at least 5hours a day. But he probably just needs more time to himself. He also plays fallout during the times I'm (there) and away so he might not even notice.
I slept with my best friend in August.
I didn't plan it, I met her one night and we drank and smoked too much. I made her and the others up beds in my home afterwards.
She crawls into bed with me though. I'm pretty sure I ended up saying some cringy shit. Its all very blurry except that
We fuck.
She falls asleep. I probably say some more cringy shit.
We wake up and fuck again.
I decide to go to work because I didn't want to get fired.
I should've called out.
Haven't spoken since. Had as mini nervous breakdown as I had never imagined us never even speaking.
Until last week. Starts snapchatting me pictures of her and some dude with hearts and OMG's and shit. I get viscerally upset and angry, ever thinking about it. And her.
I loved her, I really did I guess and maybe I went about things the wrong way. I didn't know any better and would take it all back if I had known.
Last two years been working on an involved project, calligraphy of her name in oak inlaid with mother-of-pearl and silver leaf surrounded by turquoise detailing.
Burned it this morning.
Honestly don't know why this is affecting me so much. Want it to stop. I just know that before we fucked we had the most wonderful night any two people could ask for.
I'm fucking sure of it. I'm afraid it will take so long though.
And she couldn't even fucking talk to me about it.
Why would you stop talking out of the blue?
>>16475491
I don't know. I was thinking maybe its because I didn't call out of work that morning but you could at least tell me that.
First of all, she sounds like a bitch. Second, love someone sober before you decide you have feelings for them while high and wasted af. Drugs only enhance your emotions.
If she was really someone worth your attention, she would have had the social courtesy to not send you stupid snapschats, unless she's a bitch or a naive autist.
Get over her, OP.
What is your opinion on smokers? I smoke cigars once a week, with Kentucky cheroots on standby as an everyday smoke, and some pipe tobacco that gets occasional use. I try to be considerate; whenever I go to my local coffee shop that allows smokers on the deck, I ask people if it's ok that I light up. Do a few bad eggs make all of us look bad, do you just have an ambivalent opinion toward us, or do you hate smokers for whatever reason?
I've always been cool with smokers, although cigars can smell pretty bad.
>>16475476
I grew up around my dad smoking cigars, so I've always liked the smell. Since I'm used to it, can you describe what it smells like to you?
Can look very attractive, depending on the person. I personally smoke once in a while and I'm pretty neutral towards it.
how bad is it to message a girl over fb that you had a huge crush on 2 years ago, but have not even seen in 2 years but just saw her around campus, but never talked to irl.
also the fb doesnt even show her name. i asked someone she worked with then her name, then found her brother on fb, looked thru his friend list till i saw her profile pic.
is this terribly creepy? or will it go great?
>>16475422
no, it's fucking creepy. Don't do that, dude
Why don't you talk to her on campus? Find a reason to go and say hi and just run with it. It's more creepy to just message her online.
>>16475433
too late, graduated
>>16475428
yeee. should i admit 'hey this is probably creepy' right off the bat?
personally i think it would be pretty cool if anyone messaged me no matter from when
>it's a suicide thread
>OP will happily live for 20 more years
>it's a 'give me advice' thread
>OP takes noone's advice
>it's a "my SO cheated on me" thread
>doesn't break up with them
>it's a 'had sex with girl' thread
>she got raped once
![christmas-lights-2014_033716[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/dhuau3w.jpg "christmas-lights-2014 033716[1]")
What are you getting your SO this Christmas?
So far I have Black Lava soak minerals and an OAD bag on the way. She'll love this crap.
There's some sweet 3D printed stuff http://www.shapeways.com/
>>16475236
My boyfriend hasn't given me his list yet. We usually give lists because it's just easier.
But I do have some ideas:
-the jurrasic park trilogy collection
-an older, but mint condition hook ups skateboard deck (the ones with the sexy anime waifu girls on them)
-beard conditioner/oils
-a new ipod
I like to make him something along with a gift, so I was planning to paint/cut a corkboard to look like an 8-bit Megaman so he can have a cool bulletin board for his room.
>>16475267
>lists
Whhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyy?
I want to move to the USA (northeast/new england, more specifically).
I'm 19, white, from a developed country, I speak English fluently and, according to every American I've met, with an indiscernible accent, since I've lived in a community of mostly American expats during my elementary school years. My point is, I'm not a refugee who barely speaks english.
I'm on my way to earning a bachelor's degree from a good university as well.
I know that I basically have to:
>find a job
>establish residency
>apply for permanent residency after five years
I'd like advice on the best way to make this whole process go smoothly.
If I have low standards, how hard is it to find a job as a foreigner? I was under the impression that it was possible for an immigrant to join the US military and ease the naturalization process by doing so. Is that true?
Any advice on the matter would be greatly appreciated either way.
>>16475193
Bump for interest
>>16475193
You will probably go to the US on a tourist visa. That limits your stay and forbids you from working. Student visa does pretty much the same thing. Working visa requires a job offer in hand and paperwork from the employer swearing that you're uniquely qualified and not stealing a job from an American. Final option is the green card lottery - you apply and some are chosen at random. You can also marry an American.
Your best bet is a tourist visa during which you try to set up a job, then go home and apply for a working visa. Or the lottery. Or fall in love.
>>16475193
Move to Canada instead. Easier to get in, cheaper education, good minimum wage and (kinda depends on the province/city) the people are astoundingly helpful. The big downsides are colder winters and an appalling lack of high fashion.
Regardless of where you choose to move, make sure you save up some money beforehand.
Why are women under 30 so fucking rude and judgmental and bitchy?
but aren't you judging an entire subset of people yourself, anon?
#notall
>>16475178
The majority. Of course they all aren't.. But I've lived in a variety of different environments and all the girls my age are just complete shit humans for no reason. Just completely rude and bitchy
Me:
normal looking, like 6 objectively
shy, quiet around strangers, pretty much beta
Her:
8-8.5, looks good even without makeup
2 years younger
foreigner
surprisingly shy as well
seems to have a shitton of male 'friends' though
let's call her Amy cause I like the name
Story:
>in the same group as Amy at uni
>our groups got joined after the first year since there wasn't enough people in each
>known her for over a year or so and ended up talking a lot about some random stuff
>our schedule got fucked up this semester so I only see her 2 days a week
>messaged her a few times on FB but I suck at conversations there
>anyhow, recently a friend of mine proposed a trip somewhere for a few days
>didn't invite Amy... so I did
>friend pissed since she doesn't like Amy but who cares, it's a done deal
>I sit with Amy in the bus and actually find something to talk about for hours
>group keeps together for most of the time so I can't do anything
>on the last evening somebody proposes to split up and do whatever we want
>fucking love that guy
>Amy wants to go to a place with some maze, puzzles and stuff
>nobody else seems eager so I 'reluctantly' decide to accompany her
>see some hugeass metal heart thing with holes and a rope around it at the maze place
>label says we need to untie the rope to test our love
>so I'm like 'hmm, wanna give it a try?'
>sure enough we succeed
>Amy's like 'but that doesn't really mean anything for us' or something similar
(to be continued)
(continued)
>my mind went blank there for a second
>oh boy, did I just get friendzoned without even asking?
>thinking of something to say but mind still blank
>whatever, we continue our little trip, end up at some restaurant, eat dinner and shit
>I offer to pay the check of course but she's like 'no, thanks'
>okay... walk around a bit more, head back eventually, the atmosphere seems kinda tense
>going back home next day
>give somebody a death stare when they try to sit next to me on the bus and get the place next to Amy
>doesn't seem pissed, we end up listening to music together
>walk her home a bit, say buh bye, that's it
That happened like 4 days ago, haven't spoken to her since. It'll be Thursday tomorrow so I'll finally get to see her again.
How to proceed? I'm seriously bad at this.
TLDR: Not sure if I got friendzoned or not, too beta to confirm directly. Also, it feels nice to vent.
She seems like she was offput by your macho, I mean that going to pay for her immediately and seeming like only you wanted her there made her uncomfortable.
She won't get to know you or consider you in a romantic way if you force it to happen.
>>16475142
Yeah, I probably went a bit overboard there.
So should I just act normal? I mean, there's a limit to my time at uni and I thought that was the perfect opportunity... fucked up even more instead.
I've been married for a little over a year now and I think I am starting to have regrets about my marriage. All my wife seems to do is put me down. She constantly gets mad at me for cracking a joke or not doing something the exact picture perfect way she wants it. She never laughs with me. It becomes difficult to talk to her because she always has to argue everything I say. If I say the sky is blue, she would argue to the fucking grave that it is green. It seems like everything I do pisses her off, and if I make the tiniest mistake it ruins the rest of the fucking day. I have to be perfect 24/7 and it's so fucking hard. I came home ten minutes late the other night and she gave me the silent treatment for an hour. I need help guys.
I don't want a divorce, everyone in my family has been divorced and I don't want to be like them. I love her, I really do. The sex is great and we have it all the time, and when we do get along it's like we've been best friends since birth. But god dammit, she makes me so frustrated sometimes I feel like I could go insane. She stresses the hell out of me with this expectation of perfect. And I can't talk to her about how I feel, because she immediately takes offense and then I end up having to console HER. I don't want our relationship to end but if something doesn't change I'll either go nuts or have to call it quits... Please help me.
>tl;dr my new wife is hard to get along with
so you participate in a completely outdated ceremony that serve no purpose other than vanity (cause i doubt you two are having kids anytime soon) then you wonder why shes being so vain. gee im not sure what could be the problem here with this one
Next time she pisses you off, just leave the house immediately.
Leaving is a good way to tell people you're done with their shit. Just take the car, and drive off.
>>16475107
Maybe you gotta talk to her in a rational way. If you truly were this 'best friend' kinda deal before you got married, sit down with her and actually tell her what is bothering you.
She will likely defend herself and it'll frustrate you but long term relationships come with this kind of mediation. It's always smart to reaffirm yourself before doing anything drastic or seek advice from someone you know is wise on the subject.
You just gotta mediate your problems and come to understandings when you hit that wall of stubbornness.
I need help with my life /adv/
>be me 28
>living on disability for general anxiety roughly $720mo
>have my own apt rent is $188
>feelsgoodman
>but after bills and food I have around $100 left to last me the month.
I decide that I can't keep living like this because I feel worthless for my age and never had a job I can't see myself living off $100 spare money a month for the rest of my life.
My anxiety is manageable with my meds I still feel awkward as fuck amongst other humans.
A month ago I applied for a job at FedEx on indeed.com and went to a Sort Observation I didn't think much of it or expected to get hired, Well I got hired and this morning was my first day being a productive individual.
here's my problem/s I should've thought about before getting the job:
>Since i'm working now my rent will definitely go up but with the new job I should be able to cover it.
>Now that i'm working i'm sure i'll lose my disability means no more safely-net and kush living off $720 anymore if I decide to quit the job.
>If I will lose my disability i'll lose my insurance that pays for my anxiety meds.
Was getting the job a bad idea?
Getting the job was a good idea. You should make a decent wage and while your rent will increase your other expenses should remain fixed. That means you should at least break even to start and you will get raises and etc over time that give you a lot more than 100 a month disposable. Also you might get insurance for your work.
Op here. It's $9 @ 20hrs a week is that a good wage?
>>16475350
That's literally what you make with disability, minus taxes
Why get a job when you're making the same amount doing nothing?
this morning at 7 am I got a text from my bf that said ok thanks babe. my heart stopped bc I didn t text him and I thought he must have sent it to me by accident and was texting another girl. but yesterday I saw him and we were texting before and I said I ll bring ur dry cleaning and he never answered that text and he doesn t have an iPhone sand sometimes his phone sends texts late but neve by a day... do u think that text was meant for yesterday and it didn't go thru or he s cheating ?? I asked him why he said that and he hasnt answered
>>16475067
ASK HIM
S
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You're being ridiculous. There is every reason to believe the phone could goof up, if there is no other reason to think he's cheating then you're crazy.
Dead ass just ask him. Girls are fucking stupid oh my God.
How do I tell parents that I smoke? Consider that they are kind of emotionally unstable. They tend to overreact and sometimes hard to talk to. they wont really hear me out etc
>>16475049
Tell them you're on heroine.
When they freak out, go like "Jk, just smoking some cigs, nothing to worry about"
>>16475054
Heroin*
>>16475054
>>16475057
lol
but really that is a bad choice imo.
got anything to justify your answer?
