Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1250. page
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You guys know the drill.
I've made enough mistakes to know what not to do.
Offering advice.
>>16941985
Should I marry a single mother?
How do I stay motivated when searching for a way out of my dead end job? It takes me over an hour to write a cover letter and fill out an application for a single job only to never hear from them. I've been at this for three years. I would take literally anything 35k+. I'll be bankrupt in another few years thanks to student loans if I make any less.
>>16941989
Depends: her age? Number and age of children? Why is she single?
For example, one girl I went to HS with - never married, 6 kids, all by different men, she's 45.
No. Never. Run!
A woman from my neighborhood; 26, one child, husband killed by a drunk driver.
Maybe, if you're prepared for it.
I'm 23 and I've now been raped twice. Once in high school and once more recently. The time in highschool was straight up held me down and made me take it kind of rape until I just accepted it and let it happen because I was done struggling. More recently I was asleep. I have insomnia issues and sometimes with that I can have sex with someone in my sleep and not know it and zero recollection of the whole ordeal. Now when this happened I didn't blame him because for all I know my body might have acted like I was willing but he had known for at least a month I did not want to have sex with him but he still fucked me in my sleep anyways. Followed by him sitting in my driveway for hours on Valentine's day telling me that we were going to go do what he had planned instead of what my plans were, which had nothing to do with him, so I hung out at the local library for about 6 hours to avoid him. A lot of this harassment, including calling me a slut, worthless person, and a good fuck, has happened but I think he's finally stopped. But I was drinking every day for about a month since this is the second time I've been raped I can't help but think I'm just a rapeable person and its going to be an ongoing thing for me. Which sucks but I guess there are worse things. Over the last week I made myself get very drunk just so I can touch a friend of mine whom I trust very much and we had sex so that I could feel some control over my own body again. It helped. I was numb to the actual act but it still helped me feel a little empowered again. Not sure where to go from here. I want to continue drinking but that's not helpful. I don't know how to not feel worthless and like I deserved it both times. It's awful.
>>16941284
gee I dunno get a restraining order on him and then call the cops afterwards further harassment?
i love you op be my girlfriend so i can abuse you even more but i wont rape you
[email protected]
>>16941335
I plan on getting a restraining order if he decides to show up at my place again but he hasn't shown his face for the last week and a half so I'm hoping he found something better to do. But mentally I'm still pretty fucked xD
If you were in a relationship with a girl and you found out a month before you began dating that she slept with a married man (a co-worker in fact) who told her that he was happily married and that there was no chance of a relationship and she willingly became the "other woman" because she was up for anything would that be kind of a deal-breaker for you?
Added to this - she carries herself as though she is better than other people and at the time she turned away a perfectly available single guy because she saw him as weak though he paid for a most of the trip for her while complaining loudly to people who don't know her that well that she cannot get laid. If she just wanted to get laid, no biggie but to act like other girls are sluts is rather hypocritical IMHO.
Now, the dude is scum but he was honest scum and told her up front the deal and she could have said no at any point but was willingly to stab another woman in the back to get laid.
I think it's morally questionable at best. I don't know that it shows that she's a cheater, necessarily, as those are two different sorts of calculations being made. But certainly willing to knowingly engage in sociopathic behavior.
I think I'd go with a wait-and-see approach.
I would have broken up with her the minute she told me.
Scum. She obviously has no problem with the idea of cheating. It takes two people to cheat and she's equally responsible.
I'm a female, and think anyone who either is a cheater or the "other" person in the situation is undatable garbage. you can NEVER trust them. ever. it literally shows how little they value the concept of relationships, why would you be any different to them?
Do you believe everyone has a true passion? That is, a field of study/hobby that inspires someone to push the boundaries of what is known and be the best he or she can be?
I have not really felt like this about anything, and I am wondering if this is because not everyone feels as connected with things or I just haven't found it yet. I'm sure part of this is incredible discipline and focus, but is there a way to cultivate such a mentality?
>>16940323
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NPKcVFVZu8
>>16940323
I'm interested in this too. I have the same problem.
>>16940323
No. God damn it, not everyone has a special "calling" to be an artist or genius or something, and we need to stop telling our kids that they're all supposed to. We need fucking workers. We need people who will work hard for a larger goal, cops that aren't crazy, firemen, farmers, etc etc. Not a nation of useless fame-obsessed YouTube personalities.
Stop being ashamed of being a normal person. You're fine. You'll be much happier if you don't define yourself by your career. Get the best-paying job you can find and start a family.
Still a virgin, what are the odds of it ending any time soon given my face?
>>16939973
Get some cream for your acne.
Get a better haircut. It's not horrid, but it could look less "8 year old on picture day."
Smile. SMILE FOR GODSSAKE. Everyone looks like shit when they take pictures of nothing more than a blank expression.
And stop dressing like you're in 7th grade. Graphic tees, dude? Come on. Go invest in some button ups or henleys.
>>16939996
its an old pic, I have an undercut now, the acne is gone, and I dont wear graphic tees anymore
so factor all that in and how fucked am I?
>>16939973
It's a pretty enough face to get fucked in jail after you rape women in the peace corps.
>be me
>can't hold conversations
>eating lunch with coworkers
>i don't say a thing
>overhear other coworkers talking
>laughing, making jokes and telling stories
>imagine myself going on a date (>tfw no gf) and just sitting there trying to think up of things to say
how do i have "fun" conversations, where myself and the people i'm with are laughing and enjoying themselves?
how do i become better at talking and making other people enjoy my company? keeping in mind that i'm boring and don't have any stories to tell
>>16939910
>keeping in mind that i'm boring and don't have any stories to tell
By being not boring and thus having stories to tell.
You need hobbies. Find groups to be a part of. For adults outside of college, this can be in the form of professional networking groups for your profession/field, adult league sports, rpg/table top game gatherings, or just hanging out in bars to meet people. You basically need to get out more, meet more people, and do stuff as a result of meeting more people. Then you'll have stories to tell, and people to tell them to.
>>16939910
All 4chan will give you is some vague bullshit. I've asked that question before both myself and 4chan, both came up with zilch.
>>16939915
>or just hanging out in bars to meet people
how does this work? i go to a bar alone, drink alone and hope someone talks to me?
My gf is very loyal, very sweet, but we are apart. She fucked another dude while I was away at bootcamp, and she said didn't want it. New friend came into her flat drunk and she's a virgin and said she didn't know how to stop it because he kept on after she said no.
What the fuck do I do in this situation?
>>16938088
You fucking be supportive
If it's true what she's telling you then she was raped. Get legal advice.
But if you pursue this you need to be 100 percent sure she isn't just saying that because she's done something she regretted in the morning.
>My gf
>she's a virgin
does she know shes your girlfriend?
A person of my own race (Brazilian) told me no matter how hard I try, I won't look as good as a white person. He said this as a joke but obviously he wouldn't joke about it if he didn't really feel that way.
As everyone knows, the standard of beauty in America is white and effects other countries as well. So his joke is, well, true.
It really angers me he said this because he is the same race as I am, putting me down, and calling his own race inferior, him included.
I've been insulted by white people before, but never a person of my own actual race. It's a shitty feeling. It makes me feel so depressed. Anyone else been insulted by a person of their own race before? I'm guessing it doesn't happen often. Even if other people feel the same way as he does, most people aren't pathetic enough to admit they're inferior out loud.
How can I stop being depressed over what a self-hating prick said, especially when what he said to me is true?
>>16936585
By realizing it isn't true?
It isn't true.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There are ugly dark skinned people. There are beautiful dark skinned people. There are ugly whites, there are beautiful whites. There are ugly white skinned people that have a partner who thinks they are amazing.
>>16936600
The standard of beauty in America is white.
I'm not saying it's moral, but this is the circumstance. "White" is the standard. People who aren't white can be beautiful too. But a beautiful white person is considered the greatest beauty.
>>16936585
>the standard of beauty in the world is white
Ftfy
Do women get horny from looking at a handsome mans face in the same way men get horny looking at a womans body?
>>16940767
no, only his wallet.
>>16940781
shut up bro, i'm asking women
>>16940781
>>16940785
girl here can confirm your wallet gets me wet
>So this female friend is been vague when asked about guys
>She'll say it's just a friend or will deliberately make me think they'll not close
>Will compliment me sometimes
>Has asked if I'm seeing someone
>Sometimes likes looking at me
What's going on here?
>>16926510
ask her out and she says yes or she doesnt you got a hint now make a move you cant tell if shes teasing or serious any other way
>>16926510
If she asked if you're seeing someone, definitely make moves, son.
Why is she vague about guys?
My boyfriend and I have a Dom/sub thing. We’ve been dating for about two years.
The sex was great until we started getting feelings for each other. When it gets rough and violent, I usually switch the loving, emotional side of me off, and just focus on the physical. He does the same, to the point he gets into a self-described “psychosis of sorts”. I notice when this happens, his eyes go dark, he's brutal and uncontrolled, I know he genuinely wants and is trying to hurt me.
He snaps out of this phase eventually, gets a cold sweat and a hundred mile stare, and slumps, may start crying and apologizing, saying how shit and dark that was. He can stay in this compulsive phase for a long time, and we can have sex past the point it’s physically enjoyable for us both. He says that sex puts him in a bad, murderous headspace, and after a bad time he will declare never to do it again. The next time I see him he’ll be pawing and grabbing and the cycle repeats. He says he wants to have a normal relationship with vanilla sex but he’s afraid I’ll be bored.
Not true. But whenever we do have more gentle sex, he’ll start hitting me or choking or something, and because I didn’t switch off the emotional part of me, I start freaking out and disengaging. I don’t know how to do both together, without bursting into tears or pushing him away and flailing. But if I switch off my head and it gets intense and “non-consensual” he feels awful.
He’s my first boyfriend, my first relationship. I’m 19, and he’s 38.
I want to help him: either for him to accept this part of him and we can have this outlet safely, or help him just be less sexually compulsive. He said he’s lessened the amount of porn he watches, and wants to stop completely. I just want us to be happy, I want him to not be ruled by urges he doesn’t even want himself.
Does anyone have any advice?
>>16939950
That's not love. It's not D/s either. It's abuse, plain and simple. You can't help him. Leave.
>>16940042
It's not abuse, because it's consensual. I know how to tell him to stop, he breaks his own limits, he doesn't break mine. He's asked me to tell him when he gets into that space, but then it comes into a "maybe I'm ruining the mood", thing.
>>16939950
This same thing happens to me as well, and i'm convinced that it's a reaction to adrenalin. You can probably snap him out of it by calling out his name in a stern voice. Triggering it often might build up his tolerance and lessen the effects. Make sure he stays out of violent confrontations or shit might get real uggly.
Before you post a question, check here to see if it's already been answered
Keep your questions short and sweet for more answers.
And please no derailing arguments.
Avoid asking these common questions:
>Do girls/guys like <insert specific look>?
Some do, some don't. Our answers are not going to help you.
>I'm shy and afraid of people/rejection. What do I do?
Think positive, and get over it by practicing and exposing yourself to it, little by little, step by step. There is no single magical act/moment that will instantly change you forever. It takes hard work, time, and effort.
>I like someone. What do I do?
Ask them out.
>How can I tell if someone likes me?
Ask them out.
>Where do I meet girls/guys?
Anywhere outside. Or online.
>Is my body part big/small enough?
>Am I short/tall enough?
Most likely. Preferences differ.
>Someone did something insignificant. What does it mean?
Nothing significant. Stop overthinking it.
Alternative answer: we don't fucking know.
>XYZ happened. Did I fuck it up with this guy/girl?
Maybe, maybe not. We're not in their head, we don't know. No amount of your walls of text will fix that.
>This person did something that hurt my feelings. Why do guys/girls do this?
Because shit people are shit people. It's not a gendered thing
>Would you date a virgin?
As long as they aren't insecure about it. Complexes are a total turn-off.
>Someone has made it abundantly clear they're no longer interested in me. Do I still have a chance?
No
>Where do I go on a first (or subsequent) date?
Pick one or more of the following: coffee, lunch, dinner, drinks, ice cream, movies, zoo, aquarium, museum, art gallery, <activity in your city>
>That one guy who keeps asking about cuddling in platonic friendships
No one wants to cuddle you. Stop asking.
>Brandon
Fuck off
Femanons, would you ever consider being in a polygamous marriage? As in, one of three or four wives to one partner? And I don't mean the mormon secret breeding thing, I mean as in a modern marriage system but with other wives in the mix.
Why or why not?
Guys-
Would it be weird for me to add a waiter I have a thing for on Facebook? I'm a customer, his co-workers have been calling him by last name around me.
>>16938014
Sounds a bit weird. Why not write your number on the receipt and suggest he calls you sometime? Sends off fewer stalker vibes.
So this girl will have active conversations with me, and then not respond for weeks or even a month. It's probably the fourth time this has happened. This didn't happen before when I was rather depressed for a month. She sent me a message akin to "Where are you anon, I miss talking to you:(", and I appolgized and went on talking to her. Almost evryone I know in fact, especially girls, eventually stop talking to me. Why is my social life so fucking pathetic?
>>16940645
Do you do anything other than talk?
sometimes you gotta take initiative everyone else is probably sitting back and waiting for people to talk to them too people are lazy af
>>16940654
We're in seperate countries at the moment, but that really shouldn't stop her from sending a message, as far fetched as that sounds. This happens with people in my country too anyway.
>>16940655
I do take the initiative, nobody EVER talks to me or shoots me a message even to ask what's up. It's always me trying to hold a conversation being funny and attentive, amd then it fails.
I decided it would be best to lose it to an escort.
But I'm cautious about what steps I should take to prepare to make sure I come out of this unscathed.
What are some things I should look out for when I'm on pages like backpage or the like. How can I tell which girls I should stay away from and which ones are okay to proceed with?
>>16940195
>I decided
Your decision is a poor one anon.
>>16940199
It may not be the best, but I'm not getting any anytime soon otherwise.
>>16940199
Agreed.
So me and this girl from my English class from last year agreed to go to next week's prom together because we both didn't have dates. I found her very attractive and funny last year but didn't make any moves because she was a classmate and I know how girls waste money and time yadahyadah. So on Saturday we agreed to hang out together and get to know each other a little so that prom night next week wouldn't be so bad. The "date" went amazing to say the least. We are both outdoorsy people so we decided to go disc golfing and fishing. I feel like me and her had a great time. I didn't try to make any moves on her other than put my hand on her knee in the car because I was very cautious of fucking anything up but I couldn't resist. On the date, I treated her different than past girls and felt really good about it until 10 PM that night...
She sends me a text saying, "Hey I had fun today and I'm excited for prom but I just wanted to make sure that we're going just as friends"
I was stunned to say the least. I felt like we had something, something that I hadn't felt with any other girl in years. I simply responded, "I had fun too! Ya we are friends" because I mean we are just going to prom as friends anyways so I can't really give my red-pilled response which would be "No" or "K". I absolutely hate the friendzone.
So /adv/ what should I do? Do I try to make Prom one of the best days of her life? Do I try texting her again since it has been 24 hours since this has happened? How do I win her over? or is there no chance and I should just make the best of the situation and move on in a week.
>>16939977
>wanted to make sure you were going as friends
That's pretty cold Tbqfhwyfam
You probably can't win her over in a week, or at all, but don't let this ruin your prom. Have fun, then cut her out after if you feel like it.
>I am friend zoned for good?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSwsJtSfyXU
Lets see possible scenarios:
>Tell her I crave her, I want a date:
Success: FTW I have GF!
Fail: Meh, move on.
>I move on without telling her:
For rest of life / week / day I will be curious what would her answer be.
>I will be her best best friend.
Probably wasting more energy and time with no GF at the end.
So the strategy with 'text her confess my feelings' is the shortest path for instant death with no energy lost or instant win. Just don't go overboard with marriage, kids and house. Just tell her you want a date and how much you like her.
>>16939977
>I didn't try to make any moves on her other than put my hand on her knee in the car
