Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1243. page
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So my father tells us he should've abandoned me and my siblings and my mom a long time ago.
Every other day, my dad gets into a brief exchange with my mom and after I break both of them up he goes on a 20-30 minute "mope-rant" where he talks about how he should've not married my mom and had us and what he could've done instead in the most morbid way possible. This makes my 12 and 13 year old siblings and I(18) feel pretty shitty. He's also on kidney dialysis and has sleep apnea which also contributes to our worrying about him and possibly to his mood... If any of you guys can help me with dealing with this situation I would be truly grateful; even then, just typing it all out makes me feel somewhat better.
>>16925194
thats lame but with the dialysis hes probably having 'greener grass' syndrome.
normally people have these thoughts in the back of thier mind but htey bottle them up, cuz in just 6 more years all the kids will be 18, and while they wont necessarilly be out of the house, he could go ahead and do a lot of the stuff he couldnt when the kids were underage (like rape them (but no really)).
but with dialysis comes the idea of mortality. even if he has a 100% guarantee that hes going to be fine after this (idk his story, but lets pretend) hes still doing this horrible fucking thing and thinking about why its happening all the goddamned time. until he starts to reach that recovery place where life goes back to normal, hes seeing himself as dying, and the stress and pain and everything else of dialysis is also happening.
talk to him about the things he wanted to do. suggest he do them. offer to pitch in or help where you can, but back off and let him do his own thing for what he wants. offer to be an ally.
he took care of you, maybe you can help cross things off a bucket list.
>>16925220
Thanks, that really helped. He also just had his 61st birthday 12 days ago so the whole "mortality" thing makes sense. I'll try that
>>16925233
ouch yeah, my parents had us young so they are only in their 40s and still go do stupid shit like cliff jumping and whatnot for fun. 61 doesnt leave nearly as much opportunity to do the no kids things.
mortality it is.
How do I make good on my ambitions?
I get super hyped and start planning on how to accomplish things, but then I lose interest and never follow up. I might take the first couple steps, but never go any further. I'll buy some workout clothes and join a gym, then two weeks later I'll stop. I've also bought an expensive computer mic cause I'm gonna start a podcast with a friend! Then stop after three episodes.
I'm a great planner, and I'm good at breaking down the steps into small ones, but I don't keep at it when I know I need to in order to make it a success.
Honestly it comes down to will power.
If you push yourself to exercise regularly you can push yourself to do other things.
Get up earlier and go for a run, if you can do that 3-4 times a week for a month you'll be amazed at how much more positive you are about things.
The way I see it is I've already accomplished more than most people that day before I've even got to work.
>>16925121
Thanks
Anyone else?
>>16925121
this guy is more or less correct. mos tof my tips break down to
>buddy system
>good scheduling / lists
at the end of the day if you dont have the actual motivation to do something, you dont have the actual motivation to do something.
Medfags?
I have some weird not-very-specific symptoms I can't reliable trigger that seem to vague to bug my doctor with, but I'm still curious if anything stands out to you.
Basically, my extremities get tingly, my tongue gets tingly and feels swollen, and I get really shaky. It becomes hard to speak without stuttering or lisping and walking/standing feels weird but itsn't really challenging. My head eventually gets light and I feel sort of like I'm going to faint, except I never do. I've tried eating, drinking, etc, which doesn't seem to help. Generally I lay down and fall asleep, and wake up fine. Don't know if this is because of the sleep or just waiting it out. Once when this happened, I almost blacked out and then threw up. It doesn't happen often, used to happen MAYBE once a month, bit it's scary when it does happen. It's been happening less now, but yesterday broke a 4-month hiatus. No meds other than birth control, happens even when I go months without taking them.
What the fuck?
go to a doctor, or go to r/AskDocs
>>16925074
This is spooky as fuck senpai. Doctor. Now.
>>16925074
doctor here, sounds like herpesyphorhea
>tfw I've wanted to break up with my girlfriend for nearly 6 years but I've never been able to bring myself to do it because she's basically designed her entire future around the idea of me
>tfw I'll probably just stay with her forever and just endure it like fucking whatever
>>16925021
Is your first initial B?
Question?
>>16925025
Most relationships fall apart, they fail.
When one half thinks everything is perfect and the other all of a sudden ends it it would result in catastrophe.
What the fuck do I do? The problem is that I know her and I really do love her but forever all I've wanted is simple independence and free reign. It's not about anything other than wanting to be on my own. So it makes it harder to go through with it, if I didn't love her in the first place I'd probabaly be able to do it.
I am a student and am hoping to get into the air force. I have taken a practice ASVAB at the recruiter's office and received a predicted score around 70. I am trying to work out more because sadly I can't reach the fitness standards yet. At the end of the month I am possibly taking a physical and ASVAB. My question, any tips for training and future in Basic? Anything helps. I just want to be prepared in case I get in.
>>16925015
>>>/fit/ and READ THE FUCKING STICKY.
The fitness test for the military is basic calisthenics anyway (push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups) and running. Nothing complicated. Just run and do basic calisthenics. I can't remember if there's swimming, too, but going for a swim can't hurt.
Regardless, you should've been getting into shape a lot sooner. You're only giving yourself two weeks. You are likely to fail.
Lol you'll have 7 weeks to pass their standard. If not you'll get put in get fit and your ambitions will be gone
>cant pass air force fitness test
You not eating enough Cheetos?
Can anyone give me some good advice on how to pass an interview in terms of answering their questions?
I've had 3 interviews for technical positions in the last 4 months and so far I have yet to pass one. The last one in particular really made me feel like I have no clue what i'm doing.
A simple Google search will yield the correct answers to common interview questions.
You're welcome.
>>16924916
You need to know your stuff and be able to communicate them well
In addition, they are also getting a feel for you. Most likely, they will be your co-workers so first impressions matter
>>16924916
I've done that, but I really don't think what I have looked at helped. I get one or two questions that are as common as "What are your weaknesses"
>>16924978
I try to be friendly and approachable, I guess I never really thought of the interviews as co-workers though
Hi adv,
I posted this a while ago but i would like to explain my situation a little bit better.
I have been to the doctor more than i like for all kinds of things so id rather ask here first.
I have a lot of trouble with staying awake when i feel sleepy.
If my eyelids get heavy i have about 5 minutes before i fall asleep, how hard i try to stay awake.
One moment i feel very energetic and then suddenly i feel sleepy and i fight and i fight to stay awake, and after 5 or 10 minutes i just close my eyes and im gone.
I have tried everything but i cant fight falling asleep when im tired.
My friends think its pretty weird because when they are feeling sleepy they can stay awake for hours if they want to
I have a couple of examples:
>hanging out with a friend, watching a movie and half way in the movie my eyes start to get heavy and 5 minutes later i am gone and impossible to wake.
> i get woken up by my father throwing a glass of water in my face because alarmclocks dont wake me, i just dont hear them
>sleep through fire alarm and my bose sounddock on max volume( you could hear the sound a block away)
>if i get a ride from someone and im sitting on the passenger seat i fall asleep no matter how long we drive, after 5 minutes i just fall asleep
>got home from work one day 2 weeks ago, collapsed in bed and slept for 15 hours straight
>cant keep my eyes open when my eyelids are getting heavy and im driving my car
I can keep going on about this
Does this sound like narcolepsy?
I always thought that people who have that shit just collapse and sleep in the blink of an eye..
Anyone got some ideas?
I go to bed at 22:00 and wake up at 06:00, i dont use my computer or phone, the room isnt warm and its ventilated.
How is your diet? Are you a fatty? You might be diabetic.
>>16924888
It certainly sounds like it might be narcolepsy to me, but I know nothing about the actual disease.
In popular culture its portrayed as falling asleep without warning. You describe falling asleep suddenly in the car or watching a movie.
Talk to a doctor, dude.
>>16924888
Sounds nice. I work 12 hour nights and I find it really fucking hard to sleep unless I run myself ragged beforehand.
And even then, I sleep like 5 hours and I'm totally at the mercy of the doorbell or phone or just the fucking sun being too bright.
You got a good thing going man. Shame it doesn't work for you.
I wanna put a finger in my ass but I'm too scared. How hard is that first hurdle?
First ass entry stories I guess.
>>16924757
not that hard. just make sure your finger is wet.
>>16924757
cont. first time i fingered my ass, i used a ear buds. was pretty amazing. the orgasim is intense.
>>16924773
>>16924761
Thanks guys. I'm gonna do it. I'm unemployed so I've GOT to do it really.
Why can't I remember anything? This has bitten me in the ass time and again, this time around I blew a job interview. It was for a junior part-time programming position(Java), but they asked me about a bunch of other things like Turing machine and networks as well, because I said I took courses about them at school. I passed both those particular courses, but I could barely remember anything at the interview a year later; I just had some vague picture of the TM from a textbook in my head and I squeezed out some words that I suspected pertained to it; same with networks, I babbled out something trying to answer one of their questions but then I fucked up with the layers of abstraction and said a total nonsense. They, on the other hand, knew their shit perfectly, even the manager who said earlier he wasn't an IT guy. I'm first year of a CS Master's on poor-tier school.
How can I be this retarded, /adv/?
>>16924688
If you don't understand the layers of abstraction to the point that you can't verbally explain it to others then I don't even...
for fucks sake I'm an idiot truck driver and even I can do that
>>16924688
Do you actually use this knowledge for anything? I'm working as a programmer right now. I've forgotten pretty much everything I studied about during my university time 5 to 2 years ago except what I have or make use of at work. There are some things I do remember from my security courses as well because we did elaborate experiment assignments on those things. If you've been ass-blasting your brain with concepts you're not going to make use for and all you had to do was to memorize them for an exam I'm not surprised you forgot about them.
>>16924731
Yea, but how come all of them knew it and I didn't? I mean, they studied this shit same as I did, and probably haven't use use since they left school.
How do I get out of the "fresh start tomorrow" mindset? I'm trying to create some change in my life with simple things like exercising more, eating better, using my time more productively etc. But I have this problem when I fail at doing something (like say eating junkfood when I'm supposed to be avoiding it) easily lapse into my old habits and tell myself that I'll give myself a fresh start the next day to begin a new streak. The problem is I have a ritual I usually go through
I think you at least know the mindset you should switch out of. Try to start thinking of everything in terms of denying yourself the pleasures of your bad habits right now. If you lapse, instead of giving up (or possibly even punishing yourself, depending on how you feel about it) just try to think about what the next "good" thing is that you can do to improve your day over the last one.
Don't passively accept your failure to do what you wanted to do.
Using your junk food example, whenever you find yourself eating something unhealthy, stop and think about why you chose to eat it. Understand what made you fail and learn from it so you can prevent it in the future.
It takes a lot of will power to break habits. Once you break those habits it gets easier though but it's still a struggle. It's a real battle just to get over that hill though. Start with one thing at a time. Don't try too much change at once. It will be too much and you will most likely fail.
I'm about a year into my fresh start. It took a little fumbling and backsliding every once awhile but it literally took a year to get it all together.I run 15 miles a week. Lift 3 times a week. Don't eat fast food. Don't drink beer. Don't drink soda. Don't smoke. All those vices were things I had done for almost 13 years daily.
I didn't cut it all out at once. Took it slowly and one thing a time. I still drink beer once every couple of weeks. I'll eat out about the same interval but I don't eat fast food, just dine in stuff. I'll have a soda maybe once a month but I don't even want to finish it.
Anyway, take it slow. Don't expect to change over night or even in a week or a month. You can do it though.
Is this sentence with two woulds grammatically correct?
"As easy as it would be to return to Christian patriarchy, I don't think most people would be delighted."
Or is it better if I say: "As easy as it was to.. ?"
it's redundant but if anything it's "delighted" that's the poor choice here.
I think it should be 'the Christian system of patriarchy', and delighted sounds wrong in that sentence. You also haven't explained why it would be easy.
You can have "would" twice in the same sentence. There is no reason against it. Using "As easy as it was" would give the sentence a different meaning.
I come here with a problem I deeply need to solve.
And that is rejection. I know I'm not even average looking and I am rejected a lot, hell, this just happened twice in the last day, I understand this process. But the thing is that I feel really bad about being rejected and I take it so personal that I hate myself for being a pathetic fuck everytime. Is this how it is supposed to be?
How should I solve this shit and be done being a faggot?
Pic unrelated
>>16924227
first and foremost, women only do the 'rejecting' because they are the ones who are sought more often than not. That is to say, women dont ACTUALLY hold power. they dont have some secret organization, or special badges or anything that give them the right to actually judge you.
women are simply pursued by men, so it is their job to decide whether or not they are interested in you.
that being said, all they can truly judge is whether or not they are interested in you. anyone who does anymore than that is a twat and not dating material to begin with, so you dodged a bullet.
oranges are not fucking pathetic simply because i will choose to eat a plum each and every time. plums are my taste. most people prefer oranges, so plums may feel pathetic becuase they dont get chosen as often. but they are still a delicious fucking fruit, just like you OP.
just cuz you didnt get the job doesn't mean you woulda sucked at the job. it just means they were interested in someone else.
I don't think rejection is funny at all, but this meme is fucking great quality, nice work. Now kindly get the fuck out of the way so I can get to work on time, thank you kindly
>>16924249
good post
so guys i took a photo of my friend as he was waking up . Took the photo and made it a meme. Then a few months later proceeded to make it into a shirt. Do you think he will enjoy it?
>>16924085
I find it funny and harmless.
This is the most offensive t-shirt I've ever seen.
Shit really?
I have to memorize and present a dialogue for a level 2 German class with a partner and present it tomorrow. My partner is busy and I won't have a chance to practice with him. What's the easiest way to memorize my lines and cues alone? It's only 10 lines each and they're only 1-2 sentences. I'm really busy with my other classes for my actual major though and need to do it as quickly and efficiently as possible. I'm pretty okay with the language but nowhere near fluent and it's obviously more difficult to memorize a foreign language
stop wasting time online and do your fucking homework
>>16924106
I'm online working on like three things while periodically checking this for tips. Stop trying to be self righteous on 4chan
>I will be poor forever.
>I will be a virgin forever.
>I will be abused forever.
>I will never drive.
>I will never make new friends.
>Our health care system is going to fuck me to where I can't get the treatment I need.
How do people with generalized anxiety and depression pay their bills? I have a job but it doesn't pay well. It got really bad when I fell in love with a very religious girl I can't even hang out with. Now my abusive family will be kicking me out soon, and it's already hard enough for me to get out of bed. How am I supposed to pull through in this physically incapacitated state? I honestly don't know what keeps me around anymore, but for some reason I haven't killed myself.
anxiety is just a simple flaw. you can easily overcome it by trying to.
I speak for myself cause I experienced the worst you can't even imagine and I am not medicated today.
if you arent a complete dumbass you know what you should be doing. Go through the damn motions. Become who you should and can be.
Nothing is as big of a threat to you irl as your mind makes it seem.
Its time for a big change for you.
And don't make any excuses
>>16924125
I'm too depressed to find the motivation
