Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1182. page
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How do I get close with a particular girl?
Im 18, male and in college (UK)
Shes caught me looking at her a few times now and im pretty sure shes picked up on it. Ive also noticed that shes been dressing nicer like wearing dresses and looking more presentable recently.
Shes not in any of my classes, and is sort of nerdy. Im also pretty sure she does art or something of the sort (she carries about a big folder).
How do I engage in conversation with her/gain her attention? I was thinking about doing so the other day but everytime I see her i lose concentration and my mind goes blank.
She looks a LOT like pic related but dresses different
bump
I'm interested in the same girl, waiting for advice.
>>16945509
>>16945509
idk talk to her? It depends. if you see her a lot in class, try getting a seat near her and join in on conversation or talk about the class topics with her.
If its more that you see her a lot in social settings, congrats it's easier, literally just go up shake hands introduce yourself at a good moment, then ask about her course, etc try to get some good conversation going.
Or if you see her rarely but just think you have a spark, honestly f_am you have to steel up your balls and stop her the next time you see her and make up some bullshit like hey do I know you from somewhere, or, hey I like your style, want to grab a drink.
It's just about getting to talk to her desu. That's what matters first off.
>>16945570
Forgot to mention. A smile goes a long way, but don't grin like a mad cat.
Make sure if you're talking to her that you signal interest too - lean in a bit when appropriate, nod and smile to her major points, that sort of thing.
Happen to live in a city that tickets as much as possible to keep the oversized government running.
Ticket violation states:
>NO PARKING ON TUESDAYS 1:00AM TO 7:00AM
Parked at the end of the block, no signs there, no signs across the street, so I walk down, and notice there is one sign on the middle of the street that says:
>NO PARKING 1:00AM-7:00AM
The middle of the sign is not legible. No sign at the other end.
I make at most, $200 a week, I really don't want to pay a $65 dollar ticket. I'm 19, struggling, 20k debt in student loans, trying to get from the psych ward back to my University need to pay $550 to register and I can maybe make it for fall semester, then the rest of the money would be for living. Every bit counts.
How do I write my appeal by mail in proper "legalese"? I know I take the photos, but what explicitly do I say, like "I plead non-guilty on the grounds that ____" I'm worried if I say the wrong thing I'll self incriminate/fuck myself.
This shit is pretty informal, so the shorter and sweeter you can make it, the better. Basically, because there are tons of these cases every day the judge is just going to want to get through them as fast as possible. Be polite, give her a good reason to erase the ticket, give a quick blurb about how you're a student, "indigent" and that this ticket would produce a "financial hardship" and thank her for taking the time to listen.
For your good reason:
>Section 2B.41 Placement of Parking, Stopping, and Standing Signs
>Spacing of signs should be based on legibility and sign orientation.
>If the zone is unusually long, signs showing a double arrow should be used at intermediate points within the zone.
http://mutcd.fhwa.dot.gov/htm/2003r1/part2/part2b3.htm
Say the only sign was way up the block and not noticeable from the parking spot and it's illegible.
If you can, take a picture of the illegibility of the sign up close (if it's really illegible) and one from where the car was actually parked and submit it with the appeal. The more you can make it look hard to read, the better.
Keep this all to two-four paragraphs, proof-read it like you're serious about this shit, and you should have a decent chance of getting it wiped off.
>>16945700
and I should say you might cite the manual on uniform traffic control devices and that section requiring legibility.
>>16945496
I'm from London, but I totally rekt a parking fine a few months back. It all depends on your photographic evidence and your ability to correlate that evidence with the framework of the letter of the law and guidelines the authority should follow.
Google something like 'getting out of parking fines' and read the advice of 2 or 3 sites. Find all the grounds you can legally use. Then read the specific laws and guidelines and look for anything where the authority hasn't followed it.
Once you've got all those listed, make a proper letter of it, like you're doing an essay. Stick your pictures in and refer to them, quote laws and regulations.
You need to make a bulletproof argument of why the authority was wrong in every way.
I wrote 6 pages, including 4 pictures and stating/referring back to each legal point three times. Fine overturned.
Why am I such an awful person holy shit. I grew up in a ghetto environment where you have to be aggressive otherwise you get beat up and robbed. I transferred this aggressiveness into my adult life as a mask to hide my anxiety, but didn't realize until today how disgusting it is.
Here's an example, I beat some guy in hearthstone today, and he insta added me. Here's how the conversation went.
Me 16:21
get fucked kid
you mad?
Yoshio 16:21
You're so bad at the game
Me 16:21
why have to be mad bro?
i raped you even though i don't have legend card back
or gor mok
cause you suck
Yoshio 16:21
Was just going to point out a few things to help
Me 16:22 .
i dont give a shit
stay bad stay mad
Do I add him back and apologise?
How do I fix this adv? I'm not like this. I don't wanna be like this. I'm sick of it.
I have a small circle of friends where I'm not like this at all, but always aggressive with strangers because I'm used to think everyone wants to fuck me over, so that scares potential friendships and gfs.
>>16945454
Conversely, I grew up in a middle-class home and have always been very friendly to people. But, between a shitty commute, a very stressful relationship, and managing up in all my meaningful jobs (all this on top of being a Type B), I've become bitter because of all the times people have hurt me (intentionally or not).
I'm not 100% sure yet, but you for sure have to forgive people, and then the part I don't know is, if separating yourself from the people that hurt you and are aggressive like you mentioned will help.
Still hang around with your friends, make your goal to expand that circle. But all the negative, aggressive assholes, you just don't need to be around them - you don't want to become one of them.
>>16945454
I'm guessing you're only like this behind the safety of your keyboard ?
>>16945674
Hey thanks man, I really should learn to forgive myself and others. I just don't know how to open up to new people cause I'm not used to it.
>>16945707
Not really I wish it were the case, in public I often stand by myself and stare at people who make eye contact. I'm somewhat tall (6'1) and go to the gym so that scares most people and they just look the other way.
I guess I do this subconsciously in order to mask my anxiety and get people to avoid me, but do not want to be like this in the future.
I have a question: is it a bad idea to get a master's in international journalism? International journalism degrees are basically half international relations, and half journalism.
I know international relations degrees are valuable right now, but I know communications degrees are worthless. That said, journalism is no longer in the bottom 10 masters, meaning the field must be doing better. English still is in the bottom 10. I like writing, and would love to make a career in it, but I also like the idea of a career in international relations analysis.
From what I've seen, there are 8 notable programs:
Columbia University
University of Paris
New York University
George Washington University
Boston University
American University
University of Kent
The New School
I've actually already been accepted to the one at BU, and I've taken the offer with a small scholarship. But now I'm having second thoughts, and I'm even thinking I should transfer to the Uni of Paris (Sciences Po) after a semester, just because of price.
I feel like if I do this degree, it will put me on a path I will be fulfilled by. At the same time, it's a risky path, and I could see myself doing well with a more profitable path, like statistics.
Thoughts?
I only have antenatal experiences. My flatmate in university used to run a very high quality international relations blog and had an amazing CV. He applied to embassies but just ended up working in Waterstones (and still does years later).
I would try to combine it with something else, like specific domain knowledge or fluency in other languages. Else your competing with people like my girlfriend who's Asian business education has given her fluency in 5 different languages. Well that's my anecdotal stuff anyway.
>>16945447
All my friend doing any kind of "journalism" are working mostly free in the attempt to build a name.
After studies and "istutionalized" courses and work the offers drop drastically and they end up doing local stuff.
Milano here.
>>16945464
That is a good point. With the BU program I do choose an IR specialization, and kind of on the fence between an Asia regional focus, and policy. As far as languages go, that is a concern, though - I don't speak any Asian languages, but I'm fluent in an African language (Wolof, because of my work in Senegal), and I have high intermediate French. But I really don't want to work in Africa anymore, as I've always found Asia more interesting.
>>16945483
What kinds of local things have they wound up doing? I assume by local you mean NYC. I'm okay with going through a name building phase, but I'll need some good jobs and experiences to get me through that period
I'm not sure but I think the fillings I've had on my teeth are great big dollops over rot and that it's poisoning me. I feel awful. I don't have a penny though, so I can't get to another dentist to have it looked at. Really edgy. What do? UK btw. Disclaimer : I might be wrong.
>basically this
If u provide x-rays i will check them out. Work as dentist in private practice.
>>16945409
I'm not sure ...If I remember rightly I didn't get X-rays, they were filled straight away.
I don't know anymore, I need someone else to look at it from scratch.
How do I know if I'm being clingy in a relationship? How do I avoid being clingy?
>you get upset when your partner is busy and can't talk/hang out
>you get jealous of your partner's friends and other people who get attention from your partner
>it's not uncommon for you to send two texts in a row without getting a reply
>you leave a lot of voicemails
>you act as if a "commitment" has been made before it's been verbally discussed
>>16945381
Well shit, some of these apply to me. I've been like this for about a month. Should I apologize or just drop those habits without bringing it up?
>>16945402
Apologise sincerely and mean it. They will understand.
What do you say to your work if you have to take time off to go to anything court related for a DUI charge?
My attorney is going to as many as possible without me but I know I'm going to a few down the line.
Use holiday time?
> inb4 American's don't have holidays
>>16945343
I can't answer your question, but I can show solidarity. I got a DUI a little over a week ago.
can I ask what you do? do your employers know already? and you haven't been fired? I'm honestly freaking out about getting hired with this on my record.
>>16945362
Ah, I just started there a month ago so I don't have any benefits yet but I might by the time this all goes through.
My brother got divorced and needed to get get away from his Ex so when his job offered him to transfer cities, he took it. They placed him in a small town, and he got a nice place. However months into it, new management steps in and the transfer is no longer valid. Turned out the boss who agreed to it did it behind everyones back and was also arrested for stealing thousands.
So he lost his job despite everything. Hes been trying to get a new job since and even settled for basic part time shit work hes so desperate.
However my brother has several tattoos on his hands and gauged earings and keeps having people walk out on him during interviews. Hes pretty qualified for most places but the second they shake his hand and see ink, they usually leave him standing there.
Any ideas on work I could get for him? Hes getting depressed and starting to hate himself for his looks.
>>16945336
hand tattoo?
>>16945353
Yeah. He only has one hand tattooed. Hes got a tree and a dragonfly in memory of important people. I think the main one causing problems is a tattoo of his old friend named Osif because people mistake it for a prison tattoo since it looks like 0517 from a distance. Although he has no criminal records so i figure it wouldnt matter ultimately.
>>16945336
>tattoofags BTFO
Do you know why that kind of "look" is considered a red flag in a job interview? It's not just baseless discrimination. It shows poor judgment, shortsightedness, a willingness to throw out long-term goals in an impulsive moment. I don't know what kind of jobs he's applying for, but I wouldn't trust a guy like that with much responsibility at all. I don't think people understand how fucking hard it is to run a business and keep it all from collapsing. When you bring someone on as an employee and start writing them paychecks every week, you want to KNOW that they'll follow through
Over the past week i've started to have pretty terrible pain in my upper tooth, turns out I need a root canal for a cavity that's gotten pretty bad. I usually brush 1-2 times a day on average, and it was in a spot right between my teeth where I couldn't floss correctly.
Anyway, The Root canal is cited at 1100$, I have no insurance since i'm over a certain age and my parents dental coverage won't insure me.
Now i'm leaving on a trip in 2 weeks and the dentist told me they can put a temporary filling on that will last me 3 months, and it may or may not help with the pain. Extracting the tooth is something that can also be done but in the long run it'll fuck up my teeth alignment even more.
So my question to you guys is this, Would you pay the 1100$ *Which I can't even afford unless I dip into my trip funds* or have it temporary plugged until I can return and get it fixed? *Doing so might still lead to an infection ,or extreme pain even tho i'm rather pain free unless I eat something / chew on that side of my mouth.*
Sorry for the wall of text, Just not really sure what I should do here guys.
TLDR: Leaving for a trip in 2 weeks, Need a root canal but don't have insurance to pay for it. Tooth only hurts when I chew / get food in the hole. Can put in a temporary filling that lasts 3 months, still might hurt / get infected.
What do /adv/?
Get the tooth extracted. Tooth alignment can be fixed later. Root canals don't always work and will lead to tooth extraction anyway.
When the dentist says "temp. Filing" i suspect one of two things:
1. He removes a part of the inflamed,and still vital pulp, to ease pain. The tooth will in 90% of cases be pain free. You will get a medicine inside the pulp chamber, most prob eugenol on a cotton pellet. This is the standard treatment of pulpittis: inflamed nerve. Works almost evry time. Takes 25 min max.
2. The dentist start the root canal treatment. You get a intracanal medication, and a temp filling, after doing a chemomechanical debridement of the canals. Part two, the actual filling of the root-canals happends no earlyer then 5 days past initial vist, this leaves time for medicament to work, and kill of remaining germs. This is the recommended treatment in cases of an AVITAL tooth. Common problem (10-15%) is "endodontic flair up". Google this.
Tl;dr: do not extract
Dentist can make you pain free
He Will have to do somthing INSIDE the tooth to make sure pain goes away
-dentist
>>16945357
The prognosis of vital root canal treatment is 80-98 %
For a avital tooth, no more then 80%
This is under normal conditions, and with a sufficient seal on top (best: full metal ceramic crown).
In less-then-optimal cases, with bendt roots,oblitirated canals and severe infection: sub-60 %
I kinda need serious advice on this one, because it's killing me.
>be me
>move out of country at 13
>dad's an alcoholic, mom finds another guy, moves to him and takes me with her
>have trouble settling in
>start isolating myself
>virtually no friends
>get diagnosed with depression at 14
>refuse treatment
>mom supports me on it
>isolation becomes overwhelming
>life goes on somehow
>4 years pass
>i drop out of high school due to isolation
>find this distance high school tuition place
>keep signing up but never going due to fear
>be me, 24
>i overcame depression, anxiety, fear of socializing, etc.
>did it all by myself; kinda proud of that
>found an amazing job
>still no high school
>planning on finishing it and going to college
>actually get to have dreams about my future
>still lonely as shit
>want to change
>final step to full recovery
And here's the issue: I am not sure if I am simply making it up, I am definitely unsure if it's lack of communication skills, and I do not know if it's because I am merely out of practice, but I am literally incapable of establishing any form of lasting, "quality" contacts with people. The most I've gotten thus far, are some dates with girls that I never saw again.
Back in the days, I used to overly analyze everything. I'd pay attention to what I say, how I say it, the general flow of the conversations, where things would start falling out, etc. Now, I try to do the same thing, but I am actually unable to find where I am fucking up, and due to my history, I am kind of obligated to assume that it is my fault.
I've met an INSANE amount of people, and it simply does not happen. Small talk goes fine, I balance out between asking reasonably interesting questions, making simple jokes here and there, and paying attention to the other person, but that's just it. It ends miserably and forever.
I am not overweight, I look good, I've been told that I am very intelligent, I can talk about anything thrown at me.
Help me out, adv.
Check out RSDTyler on YouTube.
>>16945329
Thanks, I'll definitely check the guy out.
For future reference, I am not looking for a dating advice. This happens to me with EVERYBODY. By mentioning dates, I meant to exemplify my what my "closer" contacts have been like. That's about it.
Today I'm certain that I am going have sex with my girlfriend. (First time doing so) The only problem is that the only place where we can get down is at my apartment's sauna. People usually don't go there so I feel this can work. There's an active security camera outside. So would the office tenants call the cops or send a security guard if she was with me? Oh and also there are 2 separate saunas (One for the guys and one for the girls). Should I go for it?
No this is fucking dumb. Find a bed or be patient like normal people.
>>16945296
what's wrong with your apartment ? you dont have your own room ?
>>16945302
Someone is always in my apartment. I still live with my parents and my brothers are there also.
So do women like rough sex or not? And if so, how exactly is sex depicted in porn wrong?
1. Yes
2. It's not
Sometimes
>>16945276
>all women are the same
>all rough sex is the same
>all porn is the same
If those were true your question would make sense.
Hello
This is my first time posting here
Just like to point out that I'm not looking for attention or any sympathy but I really need advice on this.
Basically, I'm a complete loser.
I don't think I have any purpose, I suck at everything.
I suck at sports and the only thing I do all day is stay on my computer and do homework.
I get pretty decent grades but who gives a shit.
I have no social life, many people don't like me for random fucking reasons.
I used to do good, now everything has went to shit and I don't know why.
(>inb4 "oh find what went wrong and fix it)
I'm bad with girls and I'm not that smart.
I'm a bit book smart and know some stuff about history and physics but who gives a crap about that either.
I have decent looks and that's about it.
I should really fix my hair and I have a problem with dandruff.
(people seem to point that out often)
I happen to be a subtly mixed child with an Albanian and a Greek mother.
I am white but people still make fun of me for being mixed. (Yeah I know, racism, but who gives a shit, am I going to cry to mummy and the police?)
I'm pretty conservative on the political side and the above really goes against my own views. Especially since I'm really patriotic and nationalistic about my country.
(There is a similar 'friend' of mine that has the same views as I but he's a pure Greek, pretty much same as me but better in all aspects.
yeah we have fun sometimes but who would like to hang out with someone like me?)
P.S. I live in Greece if you hadn't figured that out already, that's why people are different in the shit they get involved with.
So what do I do?
Is there even hope for me?
>>16945254
What do you want advice on? How to be self-confident?
>>16945272
I wanted to get everything out but some advice would be helpful
I don't know
pretty sure this board is filled with these kind of posts
>>16945285
yeye its is of course, and ya know its pretty funny when you see all the same whining about social life and stuff and ya know I am just like BRUH GO SEE A THERAPIST THATS ALL YOU CAN FUCKING DO.
At least I am a manipulating person annnddd soo I know what people want to hear from you and what can them make to like you finally, so maybe I can tell you some things about it what you have to be aware of, and the other stuff will go on its own.
I am applying for jobs and I got this email. What do you think?
>>16945230
yes, it's a scam.
>>16945230
nope nope nope nope nope
send him the address and phone number to whatever the people who enforce scams/fraud are in your country..make up weird name...and there you go
A little over a year ago, a close friend of mine killed himself.
He was 17 years older than me. My parents "adopted" him when his parents died.
He has been around since I was a little girl. He used to babysit me, he spent Christmas with us, he came over at least twice a week, we went on holiday together, he used to sleep on our couch whenever he had a bad day.
Two years ago, on Halloween night, he shot himself in front of his girlfriend.
I am trying to deal with it. I am trying to move on.
I feel angry, sick, guilty and incredibly sad.
I thought that time and therapy would fix it, but I still can't get over it.
I never visited his grave after his funeral. I never cried after his funeral. I try to avoid driving in front of his house, or thinking of him. It makes me feel sick.
Is there a way to deal with this faster?
I feel bad for being so mad at him, but I really can't let this anger go.
>>16945216
>he shot himself in front of his girlfriend.
I'd be mad at him too, he already sounds like a manipulative, dramatic asshole.
Best thing to realize is that your anger has absolutely zero impact on him at this point. A lot of times we hang onto anger and hatred because of a subliminal idea that it somehow hurts the person we want to hurt, but it doesn't, it's really just hurting yourself. And if he's the dramatic douche he appears to be that's what he would have wanted. Your best revenge is also the best thing for you - forget him and be happy.
Get counselling..or therapy.. Whatever.
Men are said to hold things in but IMHO women are much less capable of speaking about deeply troubling issues.
Try to think that the seed was in when his parents passed. It was just a matter of time. I think this is a good of way to think about everyone, so chill with people and be supportive.
>>16945231
>Your best revenge is also the best thing for you - forget him and be happy.
I don't want revenge, I don't want to forget him, and since he has been in my life for over 20 years I doubt I ever will.
I feel mad because he hurt his girlfriend, mostly, and my family and his friends in a way that I will never be able to explain. I am mad at him because he didn't ask for help. I a mad at myself because I couldn't do anything, I didn't notice anything.
>>16945237
>Get counselling..or therapy.. Whatever.
I am getting therapy. I feel a bit better, but I am still stuck.
