Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 708. page
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I think I'm in love with one of my friends. He's single, and has been for nearly 8 years now (Since he was in 9th grade from what I understand) because he spends all of his free time with his best friend, a blood cancer patient.
He has never directly said it, but I'm pretty sure that he has chosen to be alone so he can be there for his friend. He's the best person I know, and I know that he's always going to put his friend before himself. It's because of that that I worry about asking him out. I want to be there for him, and I'm ok with him not having a lot of time for me, but I really have to wonder if he would even give us a chance.
Please, if you have any thoughts, I could really use some advice.
It's always hard to say with friends. Emotions can be confused or misinterpreted pretty easily just because the nature of friendship.
Personally I don't think he's been alone this long because he wants to be there for his friend. I'm sure he's caring and wants to give his friend a lot of his attention during this difficult time, but I just don't think that level of needless self sacrifice exists in reality. He still eats food, clothes himself, goes to school/work, and lives life, there's always room for romance. Do you think he's interested in you at all?
>>17174300
I think he is. He doesn't literally spend every second he can with his friend, we've spent time together and he does have his own life, but we're both college students and we both have jobs, so the only time he has more than an hour or two off at a time is on the weekends, and he always goes to see his friend every weekend.
Truthfully, I don't think it's a matter of time or availability. I think his friend getting diagnosed with cancer when he was a kid emotionally wrecked him. I've known him for a few years now, and he's one of those guys that can make just about anyone laugh, but he keeps everyone at arms length. I'm no psychologist so I really have no idea what the real reason is, but I think he avoids getting close to people to avoid the pain of having to watch a 13 year old kid deal with cancer ever again.
To answer your question, I do think he's interested, I just don't think he'd ever act on it.
>>17174272
Go for it faget. Ask him out.
I started talking to her on facebok 2days ago and last night i invited her for a coffe and a walk. We stayed until late and i really like her. When i took her home she didnt give me that look that was a sign for a kiss and she just kissed my cheek and said she wants to see me again.
Does she want me just as a friend?
Yes. Everyone just kisses their friends of the other gender on the cheek. Also gives them nippletwisters.
>just began talking to them two days ago
>went on one 'date'
>why didn't she make out with me?
>>17174202
>Does she want me just as a friend?
How are we supposed to know when you don't?
Keep talking and walking with her and you will see soon :-D
What schools should I apply to???
In junior year RN
2.8 GPA with a steady upward trend
24 ACT (ive been taking practice tests and I've been getting 26-27) on them and I'm taking the official test again in June
No Extra Curriculars or APs
I'm thinking of this place or auburn because they have decent acceptance rates but I'm I aiming too high?
Just apply to state schools and you'll be fine
>>17174136
You sound like a very subpar student. You should not be considering out of state schools. They're vastly more expensive than in-state schools, and considering your track record of uninvolvement with your studies and outside activities, an expensive school is not worth the money. You need to find an in-state public school. Expensive schools are for kids who want to achieve, and make the cost worth it.
>>17174195
I wanna go out of state for social reasons,
That being said i am looking at Rutgers as an in state option but I don't think I can get in due to my transcript
Welp, here goes:
I'm married. My marriage isn't great; we're not in love with each other, but we are a good team and we've been together for many years. We're heading towards divorce, of that I'm certain.
Recently, I connected with my best friend. We've known each other for 5 years, and spend a lot of time together. Previously, it was platonic, but there was always something special about it. She would always come to me with her problems, and open up to me in ways she wouldn't open up to other people. In that regard, it wasn't mutual; I tended to keep my cool and was a set of ears to comfort her. We have had a lot of fun over the years, but recently, it became more. I felt compelled to open up to her, and we connected...deeply. Over the course of a month in a half we fell deeply in love. We were skeptical at first; she's married as well, and is no longer in love with her husband. Maybe this was to be some fling for two dissatisfied spouses. However, the bond only grows stronger. When we're together, everything is perfect. Things I had taken for granted in the past, with my wife, or girlfriends before her, are so meaningful with my friend. Holding hands, cuddling, holding each other, going for walks...all of these things give me some happiness and peace, to the extent that I have never known. We crossed the line and have had sex several times. I thought that after sex, the magic would fizzle, as it often does with the quick-onset "love" people experience. Strangely, it only intensified our longing for each other.
I dare say we're soul mates, because when we're with each other our worries seem to melt and everything about the world feels right. We have the same goals for our lives, including building a home and a family with similar values and tastes. Our interests are very similar, and we love trying new things together. And, as I suggested to earlier, the sex is incredible. I've been with many women, and this is an entirely new experience for me...
...it's sublimely passionate, intense, emotional, and satisfying. She recently confessed that she always viewed sex as a chore, as a means to please a man. With me, she says, she feels intense love and connection when we share a bed, and that she doesn't want to go back to sex as it used to be, for her. So yes, we want similar things, like similar things, want to explore the world and the experiences it has to offer together, and we're at peace, and truly happy in each others' presence. I have never felt this level of attraction and connection to someone, and I've been "in love" many times, or so I've thought.
At this point, I want to be with her, as much as I can, for as long as I can. While my marriage is unraveling, especially since my wife and I have been more honest about no longer being in love, and not seeing a bright future, my friend's marriage is not at that point yet. She was considering divorce, for her own reasons, before all of this started, but that will not happen immediately. Waiting is no obstacle to me, and I would gladly be patient for the chance to be with her.
The trouble, of course, is that it isn't so simple. Our jobs will have us relatively far from one another, starting in 1 month...for what is likely to be 3 or 4 years. There is a chance I could be able to relocate closer to where she'll be, but there is a high probability that we'll be apart. The distance isn't terrible; it's a 7-8 hour drive, and a 1.5 hour flight (direct flight, inexpensive). It would be easy to see her several times a month during that time.
My question to myself, and to you guys, is...do I bite the bullet here? This is the kind of person, the match, the soul mate, that I gave up on finding a long time ago. Now she's figuratively here, and I can't let go of that. This is my chance to have the partner I've always wanted for myself. A true partner.
you're both cheaters then?
enjoy being right back here in a few years when it fades again and you cheat on each other again.
>>17174045
I've considered that, and so has she. Statistics show that can very likely happen. I don't have a response to you to negate that, other than that the real cheating would be turning my back on something so beautiful.
Been dating this girl who is educated and intelligent and successful. She's able to discuss deep issues that most girls her age don't give a damn about with depth even those that do don't. I really like being around her.
Yet the other night she acted like an absolute child when she didn't get her way. Then stormed out (I did not chase after her).
It's not something you'd expect from a young STEM woman who manages large groups, holds respect from her peers, and could probably be a high-ranking executive of some major tech company within the next decade.
What's up with this? Women who have their shit together acting like children?
Anyway, she apologized via text, but I've decided to just ignore her for the next few days at least so she understands this behavior isn't acceptable with me and that she's replaceable even if I like her. I think that's fair, but tell me if it isn't.
>girl
>>17173325
What are you implying?
>>17173307
Yeah m8 it's cool, hopefully she understands that she can stop wasting time with a person like you
How can I learn social skills without humiliating myself, suffering, or going through any undue amount of stress?
>>17172248
cant reinvent with out the hurtin because ur the marble and the guy making the statue at the same time
>How do I get the output without the necessary input
Practice at places you'll never go to again.
>>17172248
you can't. you learn things by studying to some degree, but you gotta actually apply it. you actually do math. you discuss history. you make art.
gotta take the instructions and go play with others.
>>17172295
this helps. what you got to remember is that when you leave a situation your life is literally no different than it was before you went, and none of these people will remember you in ten minutes unless you made a good impression and made plans to meet again
Didn't see one!
Go!
X
I DIDN'T SEE ENOUGH OF YOU THIS WEEK
BUT
I SAW YOU ENOUGH TO MAKE MY WEEK
X
Dear mom,
I still have a hard time dealing with the fact that you ditched me and dad to start a family of your own.
I do however keep tabs as I have found my siblings Facebooks, watching how oldest two of the five are making stop motion videos with castles made from cardboard and teddybears breaks my heart. They will manage in life, and for that I am happy.
Maybe one day we can get back in touch, I miss you and the rest of my siblings.
R, I hope you don't hate me for clinging to you everyday. I can't stand anyone else around me. I only like to be around you. Everyone else around me acts exetremely immature. It's boring. You're interesting, so I like to hang around you the most.
Whenever we hang out though, it feels like you're trying to push me away sometimes. Like, some days you'll be super happy and giddy to be around me. Other days you'll act cold and push me away. Hell, you do complete 180s in minutes.
I just want you to like me, R. Or love. Whatever.
Also when are we gonna fuck and get married?
I'm planning an escapade with some chick I've known for 5+ years now to a beach city that's like two hours away.
We both work and are responsible, so I'm not waking up with just one kidney left.
Do you guys have any advice? We're staying at a hotel, what days would be cheaper?
Should I rent a car or buy bus tickets?
Just general advice would be appreciated
>>17175206
Why would you rent a car if you're only 2 hours away?
Camping at the beach > beach hotel
Eat sandwhiches and shit during the day and go out to restaurants for dinner.
>>17175216
Idk, so we can move freely around the city, instead of taking a cab.
It's a pretty commercial city, there are barely any public beaches. That's why hotel is a must.
The food thing is solid advice tho
>>17175206
>that fucking bush
Guys, I'm at work. I can't be fapping on the job.
Hello /adv/
I have been lurking quietly here for some while already, and I can see you guys are pretty clever and experienced in some things.
I did like to take your advice about me having a bad time with my girlfriend.
It feels really unconforatble and it's not just her acting different, it's actually me.
So, my situation is quiet complicated, you'd have to be aware of many points in our lives to kind understand why silly things are being taking so much stress.
But, here goes a long story short.
>move to new city to study university
>university is good
>cool professors
>nice classmates
>meet this girl
>cute, smart, defends herself
>I like her
>but I am not the guy that filtrs so I just try to be his friend
>I become his friend
>always together
>walk her home
>we sometimes go to eat somewhere (rarely)
>we had very few moments were we both felt "love in the air?"
>still didn't do a move
>it's been only 4 months
>have to know her better
>I start to get pressure from classmates
>"tell her already or you will lose her"
>I am like "nah"
>later that day
>by a glance saw that she still chats with her ex bf
>sends her hearts
>"oh shit"
>time to act
>invite her on a date, never done that with her
>accepts
>confess her that day moments before I get her home
pic related: she relates to that anime character
>>17175161
>she says yes
>we are all embarassed and nervous
>but happy
>walk her home
>I walk home
>at home I chat with her
>we are all happy
>we are all "cute"
>feels good
>that weekend we went to the fair
>all fun and laughs
>after weekend on school
>she says she has something to tell me
>starts asking me why I want to be in a relationship
>what's my purpose
>etc
>my first relationship
>never asked myself that before
>but I was honest and told her I didn't know
>she is upset
>but we kind of let it go
>but with this weird air now
>we go out that weekend
>after date and walking her home
>her mom calls me in
>says how we shouldn't be boy/girlfriending on university
>I am all, okay, yeah, aha, of course, being nice with her
>her mom leave us alone
>gf tells me her mom is right
>I am like "wat"
>we talk a bit
>finally tell her "ok, we are no longer boyfriends anymore"
>she stares me a bit
>but we keep talking
>but with a little more of feeling
>I leave
>all I think is, well she really didn't like me/I suck at relationships
>but I am okay
>>17175161
Firstly i dont know who the fuck that anime character is.
Secondly it's taken you 4 months to ask her out? There are guys who'd ask her within the same day of meeting her. Anyway it's still salvageable aslong as you stop being a weeboo cuck.
If you really want this girl, you need to practice flirting/talking to other girls and gain confidence in yourself. Once you feel like you're pretty good at that, then try flirting with the girl you like and proceed to woo her.
You need to get some muscle, talk to chicks and grow up.
>>17175192
>1 week later
>she texts me at morning
>she has something to tell me
>on school
>I am like, didn't read it
>she doesn't act like she sent me something
>at the end of the classes
>on bus stop
>we get to be alone
>and I show her her text message
>she is like "oh that" and gets all nervous
>and I am like "wanna talk?"
>she nods
>and we walk back to school
Me and qt matched on tinder and we went out the other day, had lots of fun, went to her place, fucked, it was great, we even cuddled after but I had to go cause I'm 18 and still live with family and shit
We used to text every day before, now we go days without response from her. I asked her if she still wants to see me again like she said and she's like "yeah definitely I had a great time" then stopped responding again.
Is she trying to see if I'm not clingy or whatever? What do you reckon she's thinking? I'm not anxious about it but I am curious
She might be trying to avoid coming off as clingy.
>>17175135
I texted her yesterday about something and it just went *read*
I'm gonna hold off either until she contacts me or when I'm ready to set up the second date, does that sound good?
>>17175131
bad sex OP.
bad sex.
I'm 18 and i rely on parents for everything. How do i become more independent from my parents? I have never had to clean my clothes, make my self food ect. i want to do these things but it's really to start doing and learning how to do these things.
Do you have a job?
>>17175102
no and i'm scared to get one
>>17175217
Then good luck becoming independent.
So people lose interest in talking to me an just stop
I mean, I pick up a new acquaintance we get along alright for awhile but after a few weeks it dies off. Happened about 8 times now,
Alot of the girls in my lectures like me so I don't come off as an asshole.
What do /adv/?
>>17174960
>a lot of girls like me so im not an asshole
>Yet for some reason my conversations die off
maybe you arent interesting. maybe you are interesting in person but suck at texting. thats okay. we dont know. consider spending more time with people in person instead of on the phone?
>>17174965
I can post some examples of my texts
>>17174987
screencap
Hi /adv/ I need somebody to talk to.
I was really looking forward to an upcoming long weekend. I wanted to use the time to have fun and relax. Everything was perfect.
Today something happened. It's nothing significant. But it is something that I will think about for at least a few weeks. Now I won't be able to enjoy the long weekend and this really, really upsets me because I was so excited for it. The crazy thing is that I can still do all the things I planned. But I won't be able to enjoy them because of my shitty mind. This isn't the first time this happened either.
The person who did the thing keeps doing similar things but I cannot properly explain to him why they upset me so much. I cannot articulate it. I just know that they upset me. It's actually more my own fault than that person's because I keep asking that person for help and when the person tries to help me, more often than not, things get out of hand. The person wants to help me so much that I feel like that person is too intrusive. But how can I complain when it was me who asked for help in the first place. That person is like an avalanche. One tiny remark can cause the person to go above and beyond of what was asked of that person. And that upsets me for some reason. It makes me really mad actually. I try to bear it and at some time I snap and am rude to that person. Hurting that person's feelings, however, makes me even more upset than the thing the person did.
In order to feel well again, enough time needs to pass so that I and the person can forget about it. That will at least take a couple of weeks though. So my long weekend is ruined. I really needed that long weekend. I hate my job so much.
>>17174917
geez you sound whiny.
what exactly did this person do that upset you? maybe we can help you articulate.
in the future consider not asking, or if you do ask consider opening with limitations.
>anon i could use some help with XX, but listen, it really just needs to be the YY portion. nothing else! can you help me with just that one part?
keep reminding them as you go forward.
>>17174917
Okay well you obviously have to tell us what the fuck it is
>>17174924
It's really stupid. You probably won't understand why it upsets me either. I wanted to buy a few new pictures for my flat because I got really bored of my old ones. I asked the person whether she thought one of the bigger pictures would fit or if it was too big.
Then things started getting out of hand. I am easily impressionable. I often make so many mistakes that I automatically value somebody else's opinion higher than my own. Anyway, we ended up discussing all kinds of things that could be done in the apartment: new lamps, fresh paint on the walls, and new curtaints. Don't get me wrong, I liked and still like all the suggestions the person made. The person also didn't force me to take the advice. The person just nudged me in certain directions.
Anyway, I the person wanted to do me a favor and the wall in my abscence. It really made me mad. I can't tell you why. Perhaps it's because I always depend so much on others that it hurts me when somebody does things for me unless I explicitly tell them to do it. Or it could be that I am too arrogant to accept somebody else's help unless I explicitly demanded it. Or perhaps it's because I can't bear the thought that somebody I like has work to do just because of me. Or perhaps I don't want to feel indebted to others.
Whatever the reason, it really bugs me and now I once again made a big deal out of it and told that person off.
Hey guys, I'm kinda new here but I've got a problem. My math teacher is a fucking faggot and hates me for no reason, I've never been anything but nice to her even though she's called me a waste of space and that I'll never do anything in life I'm at my wits end guys she's nearly drove to tears... What do I do?
*me to tears
She's just jealous and knows how successful you'll be in life. I bet you're white.
>>17174912
laugh at her
needle her with her failures
Is it okay to swallow my pride and admit to a wrongdoing? It's a minor thing and I do feel kind of guilty about it but I'm just afraid people might consider me "weak" and treat me different.
If you really did something wrong then weakness would be not apologizing.
>>17174891
It's definitely worth it. Doing this changed my life and made it beyond anything I ever expected in terms of mental freedom.
>>17174897
It's more an eye for an eye thing but what I did was personal and what she did was not.
That was kind of mean and I kind of regret doing it.
But you know, women. I'm afraid she might consider me a beta fag for admitting my mistake.
