Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1407. page
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So I'm in need of some serious advice, I've been told plenty of times to just move on but that advice is easier said than done.
So I dated this guy for roughly 3 months. We fought often, usually about his lack of effort to the relationship. He swore he loved me. We broke up 3 times, each time I begged to not give up on me. I loved him and I saw a future with him. It's been around 3 months since the last breakup and he has found a new girl and is working towards being in a relationship with her. I can't move on. I have days where I'm fully aware of my ability to live without him and be ok. Other days are rather rough. I miss him incredibly and I still want a future with him, although that's out the window now. I have obsessive thoughts about him wanting me back. I think about him constantly. He's still the only person I want to talk to when things happen, good or bad. I can't develop feelings for anyone who presents themself to me. I can't fall for anyone else because my heart is still with him. It definitely doesn't help that a week ago he contacted me and wanted to get back together. Naive me slept with him and it turns out that was all he wanted. He told me he dumped the other girl and wanted me but he just used me and lied about it.
How do I move on? I have a job, have a child, working towards getting my own place. I have friends and I go out often to drink and have fun. I generally do have a lot of fun even though he isn't in my life, but I still miss him terribly. I want to be with him and I can't let go of that desire. Help me /adv.
You miss the fantasy of what you thought he was. Not what he actually is.
>>16889289
>3 months
>in love
OK.
>>16889296
How is it a fantasy when I want him, all his flaws and imperfections. Through good days and bad? I know exactly who and what he is and I still accept him fully and want to be with him.
Have you ever reached a point of self-actualization?
How did you reach it?
>>16889255
Drop this pseudoscience thats the only fact you'll learn through that pic lmao
>>16889255
Its far easier to accept facts and have problem solving skills then having security of health and property. I guess i dont really understand that pyramid.
>>16889305
Niggers in africa have 0water 0food 0safety and all they got is family kek
Poorfag here. What can I do in my spare time to bring in enough income so I can actually pay my 14k debt and make my family comfortable? I already have a job and our entire income goes to bills, debt, and living expenses, but if I got rid of my debt we'd have an extra $300 every month which would be phenomenal for us. We're already on food stamps just because we couldn't fucking eat otherwise, and I hate using that government welfare bullshit because it makes me feel so fucking useless. Wat do.
My wife and I have already budgeted and budgeted. We don't even buy fast food. And all the money saving techniques we've looked up say "cut out that $5 coffee!" but we don't even fucking drink coffee unless it comes from our shitty coffee maker. I'm just trying to do right by my family.
Also I don't want to do anything illegal.
Pic unrelated.
>>16889239
Can you post your budget? We might see some areas where you can adjust.
How many hours do you work per week? It seems that $300 a month could be made within a few part time shifts. It wouldn't be great, but if you got a second job that could make the difference.
Other than that, do you have any skills? Can you build or craft things to sell on Etsy or something?
Being poor sucks a lot, so I feel your pain. I finally finished my PhD and moved cities to start a postdoc and I'm poor as dirt. I think I will be out of debt within a year though, especially if I stick to the good spending habits I developed in grad school. It will be really nice to be able to buy beer on the weekends!
Suggest stripping to your wife...couple extra bucks
What kind of debt is it? If it's credit card, try refinance it. That can help drop the Apr from like 17 to 5-10%
I studied (uni, Germany) for roughly 6 years, switching subject all the time, spent a year in therapy, depression. will turn 26 in July, no degree in sight. Really broke. Depression creeping in again. No perspective for future. Don't know what to do. Thinking about suicide a lot again.How the Fuck can I get my life in order????
I'm not good at phrasing it, but I'm getting really fucking desperate
When I feel overwhelmed I just stop and try to solve one problem at a time. Sometimes everything piles up and it seems impossible to overcome, but individually I'm sure you have what it takes to solve your problems. 1) figure out what you'd like to do with your life (hardest part), 2) see how you can get there (through a job , further studies, etc) 3) work towards achieving your objective (send cv, applications). One. Problem. At. A. Time. And most importantly, surround yourself by positive people with whom you can talk and can help you along the way. It gets better, you can do it.
>>16889195
I am not sure my suggestion is okay for somebody with depression, so handle with care.
Why don't you just dedicate yourselves to other people?
Instead of ending your life, you can gift it to somebody, if you get the metaphor.
And do not set goals too high for you. Accept it as your nature. Maybe you're not designed or meant to have a degree at all.
Given all the pressures we have from society, this thought is daunting, but it shouldn't be.
Or maybe, another thing I would do would be to go and see if I can join a community, e.g. those who live like medieval times, etc.
But keep goals easy and small.
E.g. do not just pack and leave.
You go there, and visit for some hours.
Next time you spend a day.
Next time a weekend.
Etc.
This system applies to other stuff.
E.g. when you had health issues, why did you keep studying? Weren't you entitled to get some free time? Ill people do need time to recover, for fucks sake. Instead you tried to recover AND do all the other stuff at the same time.
A girl I know just offered to blow me out of the blue, should I let her? She's like a 5 or 6
>>16889103
Ofc if neither of you have std
>>16889103
Dude do it. Pop one off real hard in her mouth and make her swallow it. Then, have her keep sucking you even though you already came.
do it, then see if you can keep her as a fuck buddy
Every night I fall asleep I pray I will never wake up.
me too, not another day of this crap
oh god take me on your sparkly chariot , forever
Its a sign of depression when going to sleep brings release and waking up brings stress. I'm in the same boat but I'm so tired of all the bullshit I don't even want to seek help.
Same, but I bottle that shit up deep and fight through life anyway. You're a man, aren't you? Act like one.
How can I make myself sick to get out of doing something
Food poisoning is probably the quickest and cheapest. Not the most pleasant though
>>16889038
Or anyway to convincingly fake sick?
You're an adult. You dont have to do things if you dont want to. You dont need to play sick like a child.
Does anyone here have experience with therapy? How was it and would you recommend it to someone else?
>>16888529
Depends on the therapist. Get one that will be on your side. But still challenges you. The more you have in common, the more they can relate.
Therapists didn't leave a big impact on me. However I met a lot of people with similar problems to my situation during group therapy and befriending these people helped me a lot.
Yes, I'd definitely recommend it. I also agree that you need to find a good therapist that's right for you, and it might take a few tries, the same as with any other doctor.
Me and my girlfriend don't have the same sense of humour, we had an argument about. Do you think this is healthy and will last ? Tell me about your own experience ...
Thanks. M.
>>16888344
Damn white women cant even compete
you can survive a different sense of humor, absolutely.
you CANT survive poor communication - which means understanding the intent and meaning of someone's words, so if one party is getting offended at the other's jokes it's going to be up to the offended party whether they want to accept the joking intent or not.
Try to be an alpha male.
I need money for food, possibly college too, hence, a job had to be secured. It's a call center...
I'm almost a wizard (28yo) and the only job experience I've had so far, is 9 months in a shithole call center for Time Warner Cable... about 6 or 7 years ago. Granted, I'm a typical basement dweller, socially retarded and with a habit of sitting in front of the comp for say, 12 hours per day; still, this was a shit job even according to my normie co-workers.
By the end of the 9 months I had put up about 40 lbs of fat, I was more miserable than I had ever been before and having serious homicidal/suicidal thoughts before I quit. How do I not feel shitty every day on the job?
Get a better job. Military Sealift Command will take fatasses, and it pays well. You'd be working as a civilian sailor on ships carrying cargo for the military. No military BS, but you'd have to actually work and develop skills.
>>16888291
Take ethnobotanicals.
Hi /adv/,
So i'd "befriended" this girl on a chatting app, we would talk for hours on end(sometimes she'd go to work on like one hour of sleep) and it was all passionate and great though it was only for a few weeks. She sent me her pics, recorder herself singing for me, and we did have like um phone/video "sex" once. But then I had to leave for my already planned vacation for a month, and though i tried to keep in touch i was mostly only able to communicate with her a few times in the first 2 weeks.
I came back I sent her a message asking how'd she been and got no response. I ddint know what to do and i havent messaged her in 2 weeks but I kinda miss her now...She'd invited me to go visit her for a few weeks...
How can i get in touch with her again? Idk if she just deleted the app or something like that. Last message i had from her was her saying she was dreaming of me kind of thing. I never added her on FB but i know her name and I did find her profile, would it be too stalker-ish to add her?
pic unrelated
>>16887975
buump
>>16887975
tl;dr
Girl won't respond on messaging app, should i add her on FB or is it too stalkerish? How do i get in contact with her again.
>>16888235
Just add her on FB. She's already not talking to you. What would you lose by doing it?
I'm dating a girl who produces excessive saliva.
She has a great personality, she's attractive, I like her a lot. But she's one of those types that develops excessive amounts of saliva. It slowly accumulates around her mouth and lips, little by little, as she talks. She also develops that white thin film of dry saliva on the corners of her mouth. It grosses me the fuck out. It makes me not want to kiss her. And to make things worse, her teeth are yellow! She would be so awesome if she just fixed her oral hygiene. We have sex all the time, and we know each other pretty well so I'm thinking of saying something about it, but I know since she's a female she'll be offended.
Am I being shallow? Should I bring this issue up with her? I reaaally would love it if this wasn't an issue but it is. I can't help it.
Also, just curious, do you guys know people like this? What IS that?? Do these people not notice what's going on with their mouth?
It could be a problem on her end or it can be gentics. You should ask her next time she sees a doctor, she should have them check up on her mouth.
So should I bring it up to her, or should I not?
>>16888356
How the fuck is she supposed to fix it if you never tell her it bothers you?
I read them all!
B,
I internet-stalked you and found out who gave you that watch. Also now I know your two favorite shows.
Our next conversation won't be a coincidence.
See you next week!
T
Guy in my art class,
I'm not sure if your side glances towards me are negative or positive, but I'm fascinated by you and that's why I look at you. I'm really sorry if I'm creepy, I'm going to cut it out. I want to talk to you but you sit far away and there's no reasonable leeway for me to strike up a conversation.
Sincerely,
Girl in your art class
>>16901422
M,
I'm sorry for that awkward exchange today. Believe me, it was much more awkward for me than it was for you. Now I literally feel like dying.
In fact, only that weird exchange we had was enough to trigger my paralyzing anxiety about my failure of a former romantic life, and I don't even have a crush on you! If I did, I'd probably be trying to actually kill myself in shame right now. You know, seppuku, like the Japanese. They're very knowledgeable about a lot of stuff, and suicide in case of unbearable shame may as well be one of them.
But please, understand it's not your fault. I'm just too mentally damaged to function in society. A crappy past broke me and I don't know how to fix myself. Please, don't be sad if I get away, either. I just wanted to be your friend, but this is so awkward, now I might not want to speak to you in a long while (even though I said I'd help you if you needed anything, now I'm feeling even more like crap for saying one thing and actually doing another).
Ehh, not that you or anyone cares anyway. Good thing you'll never read it, right?
Good luck with your life,
- A
How do I tell this chick I only want her for sex without sounding like a guy that only wants her for sex?
>>16914819
you don't. just have sex with her. if time comes tbat she wants more dump her
>>16914819
Why would you want to do that? Bad idea. Make it unambiguous that you only want a fuckbuddy, and then if she's still into it you're golden. Make it sound like you're going to be her boyfriend down the road and you're just buying grief for both of you.
Makes it sounds like you have a real issue building a serious relationship with someone but you want to try with her bc you think she worths it
Then some weeks later tell her, the thing doesn't work but you kinda want to be sexfriends if she agrees
How do you get happy and content with dying alone?
How do you now you'll die alone? Assuming you're in your 20's or 30's you still have time to find somebody.
>>16914426
Because you can't find a partner if you're unhappy. Nobody wants to date someone unperfect.
>learning Swedish
Why?
.t swede
