Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1217. page
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I'm crushing hard on this girl at school (high school). She's a foreign exchange student from Denmark. I'm a beta 250 lb man who is also 6 foot 3. I have a kind of muscular build so it's not all fat but i'm still really chubby. I don't know what to do, i keep thinking of her nonstop. I do not have any classes with her so i have never talked with her. but we are doing the same sport (crew) so there could be a chance there. Pic related, it's her (I know, way out of my league). Please help bros
>>16936738
Best way is through friends, or mutual interests.
Try to find an excuse to talk to her in your sport thing, and try to be friendlier with the group she hangs out with, but don't just come up to her randomly never having spoked to her before.
Most importantly, be ready to fail, either way you'll have more confidence for the next girl, or you won't fail and have this one.
Also a word of advice, start talking to all people from all social groups (lowest losers to top jocks and cheerleaders), girls love a social guy, and as a bonus you'll meet lots of girls and be comfortable dealing with them.
>>16936738
>250 lb man who is also 6 foot 3.
you can make it bro
in a few years with proper training you'd be zyzz tier so dont worry too much just let this one go.
How do I forget her?
We were never in a relationship and she made it abundantly clear she did not like me in that way. For example, I see her openly crushing on a friend of mine (significantly more handsome than I, but taken), and being very social with him even though he doesn't reciprocate. I also see her scoping out one of her friends and acting similarly around him (they probably were or close to a relationship). Knowing how she is like around friends she seems to be attracted to it's clear she doesn't see me that way.
I also feel like I am making this worse by being accidentally creepy around her. I don't do weird shit like sniff her chair or try to get a whiff of her hair, but I find myself staring at her sometimes. Or subconsciously sitting in close proximity near her and then proceeding to do nothing because she is either with her best friend chatting away or I cant think of anything to say that won't come out as awkward.
But I just cant seem to shake her. I can't just cut her off, I have to work with her (albeit in a large group). It's really interrupting my mental focus within the group.
I have already accepted the fact we won't be together because we are just clashing personalities. How do I rid her from my mind?
bump desu
Ask yourself one question:
Am i worth being third place?
Am i worthy of having a reciprocal girl, one who also loves me for me? Once you answer that question with a healthy and confident yes, you will naturally start to move away from her.
If you're answer is no, continue to ask yourself why am i not worth a reciprocal relationship, unearthing core issues in your self esteem, continue this line of thinking untill you start to discover your healthy self esteem and take action.
And trust me Anon, you are worth it! She aint.
>>16936718
You are not now, and never have been in love with her.
You have been in love with the fantasy of her.
You don't know her. You have no connection to her. You have no real idea what she is like inside. All you know is that you saw a pretty girl one day and decided to fixate on that external package.
For all you know, if you DID catch her and get to know her, you might discover that she's a total bitch or total airhead or total crazy.
Does /adv/ has time for trying to fix somebody else's problems? not a topic about not being able to find a job...already sorted out but......
long story that I'd be sharing with you guys and I expect certain level for participating in this shit (I know that i shouldn't....given the kind of people that dwells over here, but fuck it!)
-> requirements to participate:
A) not being in a dead-end job with the minimal wage
B) have passed through college (arts degrees don't count you dumbasses)
C) being financial independent
D) being in a similar situation
E) being a capable person of providing valuable advises
PD: OP will no be providing any company names nor the state he's currently stuck and obviously neither where he comes from, the following has been written being really stoned and without proofreading and nope...OP isn't a faggot
I'll post a bit and then if it gets you interested the whole story
>be me, 24
>fresh out of college with a major in business management (3 months and 19 days ago exactly)
>no debt at all.... (My mother took all the hits of college fees and only 7K are left to pay from my last semester)
>only 6 months of experience (fucking internship, I managed to get a good one in the biggest steel mill of the country and actually got paid....the minimal wage, still I learned a lot in the fields of purchases, logistic and international commerce beside I fucked some bitches)
> didn’t get hired for the current situation in the steel business worldwide…..(“Fuck you China”) Most of my coworkers were interns before and I was hoping in landing a job there…. some personnel were laid off…. that was hard to see, although apparently business is getting a little bit better, I hope so for them and may be for me as well
>fucking tired of having to look for a job
>decided to move to XX and focus in that state
>Aunt received me and only charges me $120 per week with all the accommodations I need including food for “as long as I takes me to find a job” …… already a month with her in the guest room(she's an angel, I do the dishes every day.....not a problem, still a sweet deal but already tired of it)
>started sending the fucking CV again in XX to like +100 other job offers
>did a bunch of interviews......nothing
>started to get pissed off
> Thanks for keep on reading……
> applied for half-time jobs....got selected but at the end, I backed out at last minute for seeing little opportunities to advance in a career.... happened twice...fuck
>a company called for a very well paid position.....weeks passed by, and they never called me back….and I don’t think they will for what I saw, guys with 2 and 3 years of experience…. SHIT….
>got called by a british company just when I was starting to give up, no idea how my CV ended up there…
Take a shittier job in the mean time, while applying for the job you want.
>>16936699
You could have saved yourself and us a whole lot of time by just getting to the point: "I lost my job and am having trouble getting a new one" The rest is all just self-indulgent filler.
I'm almost 30. Is it wrong of me to flirt with a girl that could be anywhere from 17-whatever?
I'm not overbearing about it or anything, but I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm attractive. She works at a taco shop up the street so this is really just a little over-the-counter banter a couple of times a week. But, she looks pretty young. She had braces up until a couple of months ago.
I'm just not sure if the age difference thing makes me a creep. I don't really have any plans to progress past the casual flirting phase. (Unless I saw her outside of work at something and then I don't know where I'd go with it, but that's beside the point.)
As long as it's legal...
If you got money and it's visible she's a gold digger.
Other than that ya it's pretty creepy and borderline pedophilia imo. Also she is selling shit to a customer she's obligated to be nice to you.
>>16936694
Flirting is always fine, but make sure you know what the laws in your area are with regards to minors if you are seeking a relationship with anyone that might be under 18.
Women are much more open about dating someone much older where a man is more open to going much younger. Usually the range is 4 years on the least preferential side and up to 15 years on the preferred age difference side. Any further out of this range will result in social stigma.
If yes, what conditions warrent it? If no, explain why?
If you're married, you have children together, your relationship isn't sexual anymore, and you're taking precautions to make sure your partner won't find out and you won't catch any diseases/conceive any children... I still wouldn't call it "justified," but it's a thing that people do that I can't really judge because I've never been legally trapped in a sexless relationship.
If you're not married, there's really no excuse. If there were any conditions that you feel "justified" cheating, you should've just broken up instead. Because whatever your partner might've done wrong, now you've done wrong too, and you both walk out of the relationship with shit all over your face.
fwiw, I'd never date someone who has cheated on a past partner. if I found out it happened in the past, it'd be a dealbreaker.
>>16936690
Pretty much everything said here I agree with.
>>16936677
Don't cheat, even if there were the perfect set of circumstances where one could objectively say it is justified.
You shouldn't cheat because it is WEAKNESS. Be a strong person and TAKE what you want out of life.
Cheating is betrayal. Cheating is a lie. If you require something out of life then let it be known you will TAKE IT. Let your partner know what you want from them, and then if they say no then let them know you will get it without them. They will either stay with you and accept this or they will break up with you.
Now you can decide if what you wanted to go after was worth it.
I want my friend's boyfriend... I feel so bad for him, hes such a sweet cuddly teddy bear, who also has that rugged manliness to him, but she treats him like shit all the time, criticizing him, nagging him and making him do things for her all the time even though he works really hard and is always tired from work. I feel like he would do better with a woman who would treat him right, and not have such high expectations of him... what do I do?
Tell him. Usually guys only stay in bad relationships because they are scared of being alone.
THIS IS JUST LIKE ONE OF MY JAPANESE ANIME
If you can visibly see that he hates the relationship I'd say just tell him! Unless you like your friend more than her boyfriend, because whatever happens your friend will most likely be pissed off and may cut ties with you.
DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS!!!!!!!!!!
How do I stop being so damn awkward? In person, and even over the internet, I am very, very shy. I sweat about conversations with people that I meet online in video games, and even people I am kinda acquainted with. It's even to the extent that I could never, ever think about getting intimate with anyone else. What can I do to get better at socializing?
>>16936644
Please stop posting threads like these. They never get solved cos /adv/ knows fuck all about socialising.
Just post the usual "I hate women" thread.
>>16936658
In hindsight, you're right.
Asking this board probably wasn't the best idea.
>>16936644
>What can I do to get better at socializing?
Practice, same as every other skill.
I recently got prescribed medicine for ADHD (Ritalin) in the last 2 days I've taken about 6 pills, which is quite a lot when I'm supposed to take just one a day.
I went out yesterday and socialized with my friends and had such a great time, and felt like I was accepted by so many people, and the people who rejected me, even if it was something small, I brushed it off.
I haven't felt like this... Well, ever.
I'm worried I'm becoming dependent on the drug. I feel that I can get a prescription for double or triple my current dose because I really do have bad ADHD and all the Comorbid symptoms like depression and anxiety and have been having panic attacks whenever I'm in a room with a majority of people that I don't know. This has been going on for years.
Am I being irrational in using this drug to fix these problems? I'm sure I can convince a doctor to give me the exact dosage I'll need, but until then, should i just be taking a bunch to feel great?
From my perspective I've been fighting for years to overcome what I thought was a personal defect. I've been unable to talk to people for months at a time due to anxiety, depression and isolation. I've seen peers wholly enjoy their lives with their friends and succeed while I haven't been able to do much because there's a literal problem with my brain and neurology, one that I can't completely fix.
I've tried therapy, CBT, meditation, exposure therapy and a bunch of other stuff. I've radically changed who I am because my negative symptoms have become the core of my life and it sucks.
When I finally tasted that sweet social freedom, where I was relaxed, carefree, and it wasn't a Herculean effort, I can't help but fantasize about what taking more of this drug will help me do.
I came to ask for a second opinion because maybe I'm being irrational.
Thanks.
Ritalin is a stimulant, the dose your doctor perscribed is enough, if you have social anxiety bring that up with your GP, do not self medicate.
It's called being high on a stimulant tard, it won't change your personality.
>>16936641
I felt the same way. Trust me, you don't want to use them in this way.
Eventually it will work less and less, you will hurt your liver/kidneys and you will be even more of a social mess once you stop taking it.
How can you tell if a girl is romantically interested in you? Pic related, girl I've known for a few weeks.
>>16936544
>How can you tell if a girl is romantically interested in you?
Your face is buried between her legs.
>>16936544
Full conv:http://imgur.com/a/eaz8P
Didn't even need the full conversation. She replied to you, which is farther I've gotten already.
So I am not the best looking guy but I have a flaw that ruins me, I have a really big head and no jawline so I have a big double chin, I hate it I feel insecure about it and I want to get rid of it. What is the best way to burn off my double chin that isn't Liposuction or surgery based
>>16936529
Lose weight
>>16936536
I should of given a little more backstory here but
>230 pounds
>hate my life so I make a change
>Go to the gym
>Lose 30 pounds
>currently 200
For some reason though my double chin seems to be the same and it doesn't look like its gone down at all. Would there be like a certain point it goes down?
>>16936541
Keep working out and eat healthy. It'll disappear eventually.
What advice could you give about living with autism/aspergers?
How has living with autism/aspergers effected your life?
>>16936505
What do trains have to do with autism?
>>16936570
>>16936571
Eh, fair enough. But why isn't FNAF and Undertale in the pic?
My boyfriend is amazing. He's the first person i have ever been able to just be myself around, and not feel smothered or controlled, and he's always super sweet to me. We are both hard workers, very intelligent people, and have a lot of potential. As things stand, we've not been able to get enough money to be able to live together. He lives with his cousins, i live with my parents. His cousins now hate me because i made a mistake, which my boyfriend and I worked through, but now they are making him move in with another relative on the other side of the state so he can't be with me. He says i'm the best thing that ever happened to him, and promised to wait for me and keep texting me (he has), and i promised the same. He's getting really sick though, from the stress they're putting him under, and i just had to quit my job because of seizures/ptsd/depression. (not forever, just long enough to recover a little! Can't keep me down for long.) What can I do to get an apartment where the two of us can live so we don't have to worry about people constantly trying to tear us away from each other? we almost had a place lined up and then his landlord attacked me because i said my boyfriend isn't a liar and i didn't appreciate the landlord threatening to beat him up every other day. I'm so sick of getting stuck with all these toxic people, i just want to be around the one person in my life who gives a damn about someone besides themselves!
You sound like you have issues. He's probably better off without you, to be honest
>>16936489
solve your mental issues with professional healthcare
get a new job
get money
get apartment
i actually have gotten professional help, and wont need it for much longer. and no, he really isn't better off without me. as to getting a new job, i'm working on it, but it's hard to even get part time anywhere right now. i'm hoping to get something near the college i want to go to, to get an associates degree in a medical feild i've been looking at since i was 10.
I've been thinking about this for a while.
How can someone learn to be happy or glad alone ?
I've been working on it. IM schizophrenic so I've decided I'm not going to have children and probably wont even have a girlfriend just because of how crazy I can get, unless a miracle happens.
Ive been taking some anti depressants 1 citalopram a night but I don't really feel happy. More so I just don't feel depressed. I would like to find something to make me happy. Would a different anit-depressant or more anti depressants make me happy?
>>16936439
Can't. You are a human with a necessary social and sexual instinct. Without such an instinct societies would never have formed. Your parents had it, and subsequently you have it.
There are those who practice extremely rigorous spiritual lifestyles who are able to reject the temptations of flesh and defeat their instincts, but I have a feeling you are only trying to pick and choose which temptations you want to indulge in, not reject all pleasures, so that won't work for you.
It can't be done the way you wish. At least, there is no known way.
I'm unhappy with my lack of action with the opposite sex. I am a male and almost turning 22. I've had sex before but i still have trouble when it comes to approaching women. i can hold a conversation with them but i really struggle on approaching girls I do not know. weather it is in a club or in university or a girl in class sitting beside me, I end up doing nothing and I REALLY want to change this. anyone got any tips? also to be 100% truthful ,I don't know how to transition from small talk into flirting and more . Usually with one night stands for me it has happened because the girl will come to me and say something like " hey you are cute". Even my longest relationship began like this
Honestly I am most likely making things worse than they should be. I know there would be nothing awkward about going up to a girl that is in my class and asking for some help on the homework but I still psyche myself out.
I guess I am putting the pussy on the pedestal and probably making sex something more special than it truly is. what can i do? approach until eventually i get better at it? I end up psyching myself out at the last second by overthinking things.
>>16936418
Are you looking for just sex, or a relationship?
>>16936445
friend ship, sex and a relationship i guess. obviously more on the last 2.
I resent my own sexual desires. I hate that I am easy for women to walk on because I am nice, inexperienced and ultimately predictable. I highly doubt I'll ever lose my virginity. I also don't think virginity is worth anything and that it is nothing but a burden. I wish I knew what sex is like so I could find out whether or not it matters for me. I can't talk to women much at all. I'm working on my life and don't need some woman fucking it all up.
Am I a fundamentally flawed person? What should I change?
>>16936404
Right off the bat, your concern with sex makes you sound like a 15 year old. I don't think you're a flawed person, as much as you're someone that hasn't figured out his priorities in life.
If sex is that big of a concern, just pay for it and get it over with.
Sex should be the last thing you're worried about when you still have to figure out the fundamentals to a relationship with a woman.
>>16936436
There's a lot of growing up that I've never done. I'm not about to treat sex as a bridge to manhood. I'm a man without it. I'm a man because I handle my business and answer for my fuckups. If I have to throw away the idea of sex and relationships completely just to get where I want to go, then fuck it I will. I've watched people I know get fucked over and I'm not about to be the next in line just because my crotch itches. Pussy be damned. The jerks can have all the problems.
>>16936404
See I am 21 a virgin and I think sex is an important thing in life to have done. I don't speak for everyone I know but to me it being a virgin means no one ever cared about me, no one loved me, no one ever wanted to make a bond with me, try to get to know me whatever. It means in life I am failing because I can't do what other people do so easily, I can't make a relationship I just failed so far.
