Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1211. page
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I don't even know where to begin writing this.
In the past couple of years or so I've been doing some volunteer work because the people in charge there asked me to.
For the longest time I was happy with it because well, I'm kind of a socially dysfunctional person and since they kept asking me to do things, it felt like I was finally good at something worth doing. Sometimes this included doing stuff I really, really hate and I'm not good at psychologically dealing with, like public speaking (I ended up self-harming a couple of times after that, ofc no one knows or will ever find out since I hide that shit well). But I did it anyways because it felt like it was for a good cause and if they actually needed someone to do it, why not? I can't say no to people when they need something.
Recently though they basically all but confirmed to my face that they just wanted me to do things because they think I'm depressed (I probably am but I don't really know, I'm not diagnosed) and full of relational issues as a person, and it was all sort of a "project" to make me more socially adjusted.
I haven't been back since.
I can understand if they needed someone to fill the position, but why should I do things I hate just because they think it makes me better? They aren't even medical experts.
I could use some outside perspective on this. Would you just go back and try to not care since they're doing it because they're trying to help in their own way? Were they wrong in sort of trying to manipulate me?
>>16938589
I'd feel pretty much exactly the same way about it as you do, OP. And i wouldn't go back.
Also, what do you mean by "finally good at something worth doing"? Self-esteem issue?
It's real easy to be overly self-critical and see only one's own flaws. And er, wait, are you me?
>>16938589
>Would you just go back and try to not care since they're doing it because they're trying to help in their own way?
No, but I would explain to them that their efforts to help you had the opposite effect. You don't have to tell them about the self-harm but you should explain that you felt worse after doing a lot of these things.
>Were they wrong in sort of trying to manipulate me?
Is it wrong if the intentions were good but the execution was underhanded? I'd say it's mildly wrong.
Did you actually become any more well-adjusted as a result of doing these things? Like, do you cope better overall now than you did when you started, and if so, can you attribute any of that to the volunteer activities?
>>16938589
They were trying to help you out. If by "they" you mean your employer i'm surprised they didn't get rid of you.
At least you did some cool things that otherwise you couldn't have done adn it wasn't all bad since you yourself said you enjoyed them.
Hey /adv/,
I have a plastic trash bin just like the pic; do you think it's safe to use it as a cleaning bucket, putting stuff like Clorox bleach and so on in there?
Yeah, people do that all of the time. Actually, I've done it before.
>>16938566
Oh! Just whatever you do, don't mix bleach and ammonia, because it will kill you.
>>16938574
I'll keep that in mind, thanks tripfriend
I ate sushi with an older girl last night. I kinda orbited around her for over a year and while I was talking about what I have been up to, she said "I know everything about you" with a smile...is that a good ir bad thing? Should I have been more mysterious?
>mysterious
lel, if you have any sort of social media you're not.
she sounds like a bitch tho
>>16938551
There's no way she knows everything about you. Just relax and be like "oh yeah?" That's what I would have done.
She's just trying to make you feel small.
She's just fucking with you. Nobody knows everything about somebody else. What did she mean? That she can read you like an open book or that you did some fishy stuff and she knows?
Torturing yourself on a loved ones death anniversary. Why?
>>16938527
Some people get feels on anniversaries, I guess because the date is burned into their mind, plus it's the same time of year so there are lots of reminders in the environment (weather is about the same, same holidays are occurring near that date, etc.). That's natural. Deliberately ripping old scabs off and crying about them on purpose, however, goes beyond catharsis and is just wallowing.
Who's doing this? You or someone else?
Gf does this everyone she's ever known who's died. Sad AF ask what's up 8 years today my grandad's anniversary, of him dying. Wtf.
Mother was upset today asked why 35 years to the day her mother died.
I just get on I don't torture myself every year mourning a "anniversary". I like to think occasionally of happy times with said person but why take over the death all the time?
These are just two examples a lot of people do it, either im autistic or there's some sympathy bs at work.
>>16938535
Op here I've elaborated below.
Are CS jobs boring? I'm planning to major in either CS or Mechanical Engineering. However, as I am interested in both, I want whichever degree has more entertaining jobs. I hear software devs just sit and stare at code all day, but there are CADmonkeys in MechE who do the same thing.
>jobs
>entertaining
if you haven't found your interest already you'll hate them both baka
Both will be boring depending on where you work. Some software companies have a lot of freedom for you to get up and leave for whatever reason as long as you're meeting your quota
>>16938525
You stare at code all day is true for the most part. But it is not boring. For me it is really a hobby, and i get paid to do it. Coding can be quite diverse. You can be making some fancy User experience, but at the sametime you can program some algorithm to determine something. Can you maybe go in detail what you expect from your job? Or specific questions about CS. Maybe I can help you.
HI I was wondering if you knew any good ideas for roblox military names
How old are you?
>>16938584
Enjoy getting banned.
What the hell is this thread
I have a lot of anxiety about sex. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21, and I struck out a lot when I was a teenager.
Now I am 25, I've had a lot of sexual partners in the past few years. This past summer was kind of the height of my sexual activity so far (I hope it isn't the end), I was sleeping with 5 different girls at the same time, sometimes having sex with three of them in the same day. some knew about each other, some didn't, and I was probably sexting over 15 different girls at the same time (social media and kik)
Now its like I can't even get a text back, and new girls aren't interested in me. There was one girl who liked me a lot, but now she is flaking because I think she knows how shitty I am. I've dropped her like three times before, and she's always taken me back.
This other girl I was trying to initiate sex with just flat out told me she doesn't want to do that with me.
Whenever this happens I start remembering how lonely and worthless I felt in high school. How I would try, but I would always fail. However, I know I'm not unlikable as I have had a number of sexual partners and a pretty wild sex life now.
How do I stop this self doubt and self criticism?
>tl;dr - I have had a lot of sex in the past few years, but whenever I get into a situation of having no one I feel worthless and like I'll never have sex or be wanted again. How do I stop being so insecure?
>>16938490
>Going through a slump
>Taking it personally, thus
>Prolonging the slump
Looks like a winning game you're playing. Also, the need to brag about every little detail makes it look like you did those things for no other reason than to be able to say you did, to bolster your image. Not judging, just saying in case you hadn't noticed.
>>16938506
Oh, believe me, I notice. I've got problems, bud.
>>16938490
Isn't there anything else in your life that you're proud of? Sex isn't that important. If you feel lonely why not actually get a girlfriend instead of easy hoes?
Is lying inevitable?
I'm talking white lies. Be honest, anons; do you tell your SO, your mother, your brothers & sisters, your friends the whole truth? Even withholding the truth can be interpreted as a lie.
If you're a woman, it's a way of life.
>>16938479
Why is it a way of life for women? Are you implying it's not a way of life for men?
>>16938485
Because they must use cunning/wits where they can't do it physically. (i.e. kicking the shit out of her bf so she employs the art of lying to equally damage him false rape/cheating/etc)
Men never had to do that, just be the biggest dude on the block and get your way. Otherwise they'd be curbstomped. Then brains became imports so theres that too.
What is the best career choice a person who just wants to take it easy?
I'm a 21 year old guy who's been a NEET for the past 3 years. I'd love to say this way all my life, but my mom has been threatening to kick me out unless a get a job until the end of the year. I'm looking for something very simple and care-free, preferably with as little human interaction as possible. Maybe just a menial task where you do the same repetitive set of actions for a few hours? Something simple with no stress, where I can maybe put on music or podcasts while I work.
Also, preferably something where there's an option for a part-time shift, so nothing like a truck driver or whatever. I'm also fine with night shifts since I go to sleep every day at like 6 AM anyway. I really don't care about wages either way.
Is it just a pipe dream of a spoiled sheltered social retard who hasn't worked a day in his life, or is such a job a real possibility?
janitor
>>16938450
you'd think so, but a lot of the cleaning industry is manned by female immigrants.
even there he'll face competition.
>Also, preferably something where there's an option for a part-time shift, so nothing like a truck driver or whatever.
truckers do have part time shifts. although nowadays you are being requested exp.
but the standard go to jobs are janitorial work, trucking, security, and garbage collection.
Maybe an overnight shift somewhere, stocking shelves.
I posted something with personal info a few days ago and it's fucking me up. Can I do anything to save my stupid life when 4chan says "post is too old to delete"
not really. even if you did, 4chan has it's own archive
http://boards.4chan.org/adv/archive
plus there are public archives like so
http://archive.4plebs.org/adv/
and coupled with le google you can probably find the personal info if you're really determined.
it's been a long time since 4chan could claim that it trashed all of its posts once it fell off the last page. they probably, read surely, register all IP's and coupled with all the incidents it has had it's definitely being watched by law enforcement.
also, e-marketers.
Contact mods. Most boards on 4chan get archived on independent public archival sites, you need to contact mods there as well. There's no guarantee they'll take action.
That's what you get for violating basically the most fundamental rule of the internet.
Probably the best thing you can do right now is keep your head down and let it pass. If your personal info got tied up with one of your internet identities (or, lord help you, your only internet identity) I'm afraid it's time to set up a new pseudonym for yourself. If you've got shit you invested actual money in (e.g. steam account) involved in it too - again, you're an idiot for using the same username everything - the best you could hope for is to keep social interaction on that account to a minimum.
This is life teaching you a lesson. Don't put all your eggs in one basket next time.
About five years ago, major depression hit me like a fucking train. I ended up totally isolating myself and cutting off contact from my friends, spent six months in a psych ward, and two years in therapy.
I finally quit taking meds last year, and am starting to feel like a real person again. My question is: how do I bounce back? I want to get in touch with my old friends from highschool and college, but I have no idea what to say to them. It's been so long. I almost don't want them to see how I turned out.
Basically, I want to start engaging with people, but I have no idea how. My social skills reset back to zero, and most social situations I've ended up in recently have been horrifically awkward, and I think most people think I'm a bit of a weirdo because of this. Talking to people used to be effortless - I was honestly pretty popular, but my brain turned against me, and years later, all of that has gone now. I feel like a different person now, and I don't know what to do.
How do I start acting like a real person again, and how do I get in touch with my old friends?
I don't really know what to say to help you, but I think that in a way, feeling socially awkward is a good thing. I've been depressed for about a year and on meds for the last six months, I've also isolated myself and almost always end up turning down invites to hang out with my friends, but unlike you my social skills are fine, better than ever in fact, because I just don't care about the outcome. Trust me, feeling numb and like nothing around you matters or is interesting is frustrating as fuck. So if your depression is/was anything like mine, you're probably actually on the right track even if it feels hard.
Keeping an eye I this in the hope of overhearing some useful advice.
I've been of my meds for about a year now. Getting back into social interaction Isa proving very difficult for me.
I have a wife and we almost talk, kinda.
I have a friend who really helped me through the past year, and we were quite close but we've drifted a but the last couple of months (possibly because she got tired of hearing me complain).
Other than that, I'm pretty isolated.
At least I'm feeling like I SHOULD be seeking or social interaction now, which is a big change.
So, yeah. No advice from me, sorry. Just lurking.
I'm in a similar position. Maybe just pick 1 or 2 friends to get back in touch with, ones that you were closest to or that you feel would be the most understanding. Then just see how it goes.
Why are there so few stories about women saving their bf's lives?
>>16938408
because women aren't retarded.
i blame super mario
>>16938415
>LOL GAME REFERENCE
fuck outta here trash
My boyfriend threatens to kill himself or my family if I try break up with him. I've been trying to be the worst girlfriend ever so he will break up with me.
>not showering
>nagging
>rarely cleaning and asking for help when I do clean
>yelling
>generally being gross nose picking/farting
>even cheated on him and he won't break up with me wtf
He won't break up with me no matter how bad I get. He's not even unpopular there have been many girls during our relationship that have asked him out.
I'm the best he thinks he'll ever get but honestly in highschool I was a 3/10 at best.
How do I get him to break up with me so he thinks his life will be better. So he won't attack my family or hurt himself..
Call the police?
>>16938398
Last time the police got involved he threatened to stab them and get himself killed
>>16938423
Let him do it, such a deranged person is better off dead.
So I have been working at a retailer for about two months while in college. The retailer is garbage and I'm surprised it's functioning in my town. The management is awful, incompetent, and bullies. They have forced me to stay pass close even though I clicked out, and they wouldn't let me clock back in. I have more stories of how badly they've treated people since I've been there. Basically a shitty job.
I recently got an opportunity to start working on webdev (Something I'm really interested in and related to my major. ) with a family friend. The job is promising, even though I'm a little behind I know I can catch up.
I'm going to quit retail job regardless, yet I'm worried I'll be starving until summer when more jobs open up.
Don't quit bruh, you're scared for a reason.
Trust ur gut bruh
>>16938383
Starting looking for alternatives to make money.
Either use your skills or get a summer job.
>>16938410
I'm scared of the quitting part not necessarily no money.
>>16938420
I have plenty of experience/skills to find other work it's just the job market is crappy right now at this time of year.
I live with my parents since college is right by so it's not like I don't have a place to sleep and eat.
Hypothetical situation: Random dude you can walk away from and never see again offers to let you kick or stomp him in the nuts. For whatever reason, you are positive there will be no legal repercussions for this. What do you do?
A) Kicking another dude in the nuts would be wrong. I'd feel to bad.
B) I'd do it but only a light one.
C) This is an opportunity. I'd seize the day and make the most of it. His health insurance will come in handy.
D) It's my responsibility to the human race to kick/stomp this man's balls. Men who want them stomped shouldn't have kids. He's satisfied, the human race is saved. Maybe he'll let me bargain for addition kicks and stomps before he realizes how much this is going to hurt.
Do you kick or stomp?
What do you wear?
1) Barefoot/socks
2) I keep my shoes on for this.
3) Boots with heavy lugs or a steel toe. Something to remember me by.
4) Hobnailed boots, metal cleats, or toe spikes. You know, for good measure.
fuck off creep.
>>16938381
Whoa. Hostile.
I know! C, stomp, and 4 - hobnails. I'd say "you're welcome" ta boot!
