Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 6. page
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I have 21 years and started going to clubs recently (I have been a nerd almost all my life).
How do i fucking hit on the girls? im well dressed and clean (obviously) and i go with other 2 male friends but we are too shy to approach or talk to girls.
Any advice?
>>17369235
you just approach them. theres no special batsignal they send, they're approached all night.
Well you have friends, I'd hit on girls if I had them to support one another.
Give them $100. Every time you hit on a girl they have to give you $20 back, until you get it all back. If they still have any at the end of the night, it's theirs.
Aww, that's really cute.
You just have to try and try again till you find one that's drunk enough and thinks you are somewhat cute
Ask a dipshit who can't get his own life together for advice. (That's me.)
What advice would you give yourself?
>>17369234
no thanks
>>17369238
I wouldn't.
Hello, I've been depressed for eight years. When I say depressed I don't mean 'sad' depressed or even having that bad life circumstances. I mean completely numb and dead to the world, I haven't felt any emotion in years and whenever I can feel emotion it's crippling pain and misery.
I've been on long stretches of 4 different drugs, none of them helped ease the grey nothing inside me even a little bit.
I've learned to pretend to be OK because you just can't live a normal life if you feel nothing so I invented a persona.
I've also had at least 100 hours of therapy of varying kinds, probably spent over £1000 on it, and none of it made even the slightest difference.
Please help me - what could I do to stop this madness inside me and stop wasting my life being an emotional zombie? I will dump some nice paintings every ten-fifteen minutes.
>>17369230
Bump I'm in need of help here
>>17369230
Become a Catholic monk, they'll validate your suffering as a natural part of material living and give you a promise of a better life after death. Meanwhile they'll put you to work and keep you productive in service of your Brothers and spreading the word.
>Telling your girl friend that after 3 years that you think the spark is gone ?
I am the world to my girlfriend (who suffers form depression) and she regularly tells me im one of the few things that makes her happy, but this isnt really the case for me anymore.
everything has just become really shrug-able, its not even like i know any other women or have a broad social life its just the relationship has gone stale, no excitement.
Has anyone else here been in a similar situation?
I will answer some questions if anyone has any.
im in the same situation. just coasting right now and haven't yet completely pulled the plug. the more i get busy with my life, the more she's trying to hang on
>>17369227
just like life, you gotta work at making something worthwhile. you need to try and make your relationship fun.
that 'spark' is mostly the honeymoon phase, but if you treat the relationship right, that spark can light a fire.
that being said if ur just done, get out of the relationshi
>>17369227
I'm in the same situation man!, Just dunno what to make of things. Seems like we are on the verge of separation. Conversation is dry
Memory problems?
> "remember" one thing do study/see/buy/etc
> forget in less than a second
Halp?
Happens to everyone.
Smoke less weed. Unless you don't want to.
>>17369205
Need humanity
Hi /adv/
Some story for context.
From 18-21 (current 23) i slowly developed some heavy alcoholism, laying around all day amounting to nothing etc..
I got myself a gf who was super active, we worked out alot and she was a good influence on my habits, got a job during this time which i still hold. I was an active alcoholic though. I was pretty much just a mindless bitch with no opinions, drivers license, alot of free time and a dick, so she found me convenient and dumped me when she felt like something else a year later.
When she broke up i felt like change, i thought id do a week without alcohol and the resulting mess was HELL. The physical changes and mental anguish i experienced when i quit convinced me to make a new years promise not to drink the whole year. It was a huge success. Ive never been happier and more balanced in my life, i was an outright superman, man. Habits where those of astronauts. When the year had passed i started drinking at parties and such again and i still dont feel like alcohol is an issue.
>I think that ive merely replaced it with weed though.
For 3-4 months my majority of days have ended with weed, im not going out as much, im not cooking as well or as often, exercise sporadically and rarely.. a whole host of generally lazy attitudes have developed recently. My dealer is a friend now, i sort of go to him just for the company sometimes.
My question to you is this: can you ever balance these things if you demonstrably had an issue before? Am i simply an addict and need to abstain? I actually dislike alcohol a little bit now, i get headaches easily and i really only drink for social occasions. Weed has become a blatant issue however, ive seen this shit before in another form.
Weed does fit me better and i would love to be able to indulge a bit now and then. Taking everything off the table was never something i was ready to do, im still young and i still feel the urge to experiment.
I wonder if i need to make a permanent decision.
Yes, weed can fuck you up. Work on reducing how often you smoke.
>>17369200
OP don't blame the pot. maybe you just need a less potent blend of herb. or try drinking coffee with it at the same time.
if youre gonna have a monkey on your back, might as well keep this one. weed is like curious george. alcoholism is like a silverback gorilla with a bad temper.
also the other obvious choice is to not smoke until the sun goes down. smoking all throughout the day is a lot less fun in my opinion. better to save it until you are out of work and doing something you enjoy.
just whatever you do, don't use any chemical or drug as a coping method. that's when shit gets hairy
>>17369229
>not smoke until the sun goes down
I do like this idea, to have some sort of environmental check. Not really achievable where im at though as the sun is either up all day during summer, or gone all day during winter.
And thanks, ive already been in that hairy space though so i think i learned that lesson the hard way.
Is anyone else just not feeling like they're connecting with everyone else on the recent fallout from terrorist attacks, police shootings, and celebrity deaths in 2016?
This isn't me being edgy - I think these are all horrible things, and people should cut this shit out and get along. But I see people use words like "exhausting," "traumatic," and "life-altering" to describe their feelings about 2016, and I'm over here going "nothing I can do about this, I'll just move on."
My Facebook feed is full of rhetoric and debate and I just wanna talk more about Pokemon Go. It makes me feel like I'm missing something in my heart or soul. The best I can think of is that my uncle shot himself in the head a couple of months back and maybe I'm just numb to everything at the moment?
Anyone else?
I know your feel.
Worrying about it all doesn't do any good to me, so I just try to ignore most of it
what's it matter, the bomb's gonna drop in a few months anyway
2016 is certainly fucked but actually op I think you have the right idea; embrace the absurd and all that
>>17369142
>people use words like "exhausting," "traumatic," and "life-altering"
I didn't know third-graders even knew what those words mean.
how to get fwb to lose weight?
Tell her to lose weight.
>>17369133
isnt this a bad idea in general
>>17369126
If you don't like her body, just get a new FWB.
It's not like you're with her because you have feelings for her, so find someone else to fuck.
Found out yesterday that my mom and dad are separating and that my dad is going to England to spend the weekend with some woman. I asked my mom if this means dad has been cheating on her, and she said I should ask him, which I take as a yes.
This all happened after they had a big fight yesterday where my mom was sobbing and moving all her things into another room and my dad wasn't saying much at all. Then I got the "dad doesn't love mom anymore" and was told they're taking a break.
I'm furious at my dad but I don't really know how to deal with this situation.
>>17369091
First of all, how old are you?
>>17369102
20, and I'm half moved out - custody isn't an issue
>>17369108
How long until you're living on your own? Also, what exactly is your problem here?
Describe your Current Or Previous Relationship In 1 Sentence.
Please Be honest.
One Sentence Can Tell A Big Story.
Whats Yours?
>>17369086
Puety good mane
>>17369086
it was one of the absolute dumbest things i have ever done, and i am very disappointed in myself for being so dumb for so long.
Shes a slut but I'm developing true feeling for her, please help
any psychological dream analysis?
i keep having dreams where i have sex by my former male friend. had them here and there when we were friends but a lot since i stopped seeing him. in the dreams he seems to want to hang out casually than sex happens.
also get them about his gf too but not nearly as much. whatsup.
>>17369084
don't need a fucking degree in psych to figure this one out.
and neither should you. you want to fuck dudes? go to a fucking gay bar. (most) faggots will fuck anything.
In the past ten years it seems that people have become more negative and less community-friendly, especially between age 16-30. What causes these types of social trends?
When I was growing up and even into my early 20s, most of my peers and adults I knew were fairly laid back. From when I was 16-19, people hung out at poetry readings and coffeeshops, people played music and talked politics and philosophy at cafes and even just on the beach or while taking a walk, there were house shows every weekend, and every the groups that didn't have a place to hang out would congregate on the town green and play guitar. When I was around that age, most of the 22-26 year olds I knew at the time were pretty content with adult life and the general trajectory, even if they were individually having a personal issue.
Around 2005-2011, if you told someone you wanted to work for a nonprofit or be a baker or farmer for a living, they'd likely tell you you'd chosen a difficult path but if that's what you really wanted, go for it. Nowadays the general response when you tell someone you want to work in a library, be a writer, or bake popovers at a cafe, a majority of the people you talk to will tell you "either study STEM and become a productive member of society, or enjoy being homeless". People 5-10 years ago were more into the idea of "I can generally do what I want, I have unique ideas to offer the world, and even if it turns out I can't, I'm going to have some fun trying".
People today seem pretty closed off in terms of respecting other peoples' hopes and dreams. Many of my friends' high school siblings don't give a rat's ass about the community, or music, or anything I can relate to (yes, I'm aware I sound like an old man). When I drive by the seaside shops where we all used to play guitar and smoke pot on the beach it's like a ghost town, there's not even a single person. I've talked to a few siblings about this, and it turns out there are a ton of people in high school who have the "you are born to work and then you die, it doesn't matter if you like your job or your life, or anything" mentality just as bad as some of the 30 year olds I know.
It worries me because when I was in high school, this kind of thinking never crossed my mind even once, same with most if not all of my friends. I was a depressed little shit but mostly about normal stuff like girls and not being able to see a movie or go out with friends, or fighting off the occasional bully. Being 18 again and talking to most of the kids age 16-25 I know, either in real life or on reddit or elsewhere around the internet, would lead me to believe we've entered some kind of crazy dystopia where we've abolished fun, creativity, and following your dreams.
What the hell happened to people? Were people always like this? Am I just old?
Life happened, when you get to be thirty making 35k a year at a job you love no longer cuts it anymore. Idealistic people get crushed by reality and end up becoming the next generation of management that leech the idealism out of the younger generations.
>>17369093
Also, social media has made people less social. That combined with smartphones has crippled real life communities. Things will turn around eventually but for now this is what people want.
2 girls are in my romantic interests right now. Both are artsy, calm, not that socializing kind of girls. They're not shut-ins or anything, just so I kind of like these calm girls, don't really know how to describe them.
So, there is a problem with both.
The first one, I know her for few months, we've been out once, then had a break, then she contacted me again and we started talking, we went out a second time, but nothing happened, even at the end, a hug or something, nothing. I felt empty and 100 percent rejected. So I let her contact me after this, see if she's interested in me and if maybe she was shy back there, but nothing
Second girl, known her for couple of weeks, hit it off amazingly good, we have lots of things in common, but she seems to be sticked to her ex, who uses her somehow and she calls her monthly when he's drunk, shit like this, don't know the situation too good. We hit it off, agreed to meet, but I was stuck at work, told her to meet again and then she said she is in a situation and she feels weird, something personal etc. etc. So I leave it be, we talk again another day and it seems good until she sees my message and never responds up until this day. This happened one week ago.
So now I'm in this strange situation. I like 'em both, but they seem to not like me, not one of them. I didn't message anyone of them because I thought I'd be clingy and unwanted, plus the ignoring guys get the pussy and shit. Now I feel like messaging both, see if maybe my ugly-ass has a chance.
But nah, one rejected me while on a date by my calculations and the other just likes my instagram photos and that's all
What should I do? Message them again, see if after one week, maybe things have changed or what?
shameful bump
>>17369061
Very nice car
I hope the suspension is stiff as fuck otherwise those side skirts will be slamming into the ground round a corner
Try to contact them both, the second one looks worse though, she seems still in love with her ex and with her past.
Why do you like calm girls?
Here's the TL;DR.
How does PTSD and antidepressants change your sex drive?
I started dating a soldier before his first deployment. We had relatively just gotten together when he was deployed but we made the most of it, Skyping every weekend. I worked nights, so he'd be awake when I was up all night. Part way through deployment, he was injured by an IED. They kept him through the rest of the deployment, then sent him home and later gave him an honorable discharge. Following the injury, he initially couldn't share a bedroom with me, asking that I let him sleep in a locked room. With time and effort, he got back to sharing a bed with me. But his sex drive was just entirely gone. He began antidepressants as well. He's back to being a fully functioning member of society. He cooks and cleans and goes to school. He's very attentive emotionally and enjoys being cuddly. But he refuses any kind of sexual contact. Even just playful groping gets a confused stare, like a neutered dog. He's expressed that he understands that he's supposed to want it but just doesn't.
So, I'm curious. Does anyone have experience with changes in sex drive after PTSD or antidepressants? And any advice for being a good husband while he's still recovering from this?
I have had a hard time finding a good antidepressant that doesn't interfere with libido.
What is he on?
>>17369053
>How does PTSD and antidepressants change your sex drive?
PTSD can send your sex drive through the roof or through the floor. It depends on the case. There isn't much of a way to predict which way it will go.
Some antidepressants CAN decrease your sex drive (usually it doesn't increase), but most of the time there's no effect.
>>17369058
Cymbalta for mood, trazodone for sleep. He tried Wellbutrin, specifically to try to address the sex drive issue, but it just caused aggression and no change in libido.
Most people's advice for shut-ins like me amounts to: "At the end of the day, you just have to go outside and meet people"
What if just thinking about this depresses you even further? Every time I open up to a family member or friend about my sedentary lifestyle and that I think I need something more, they suggest that I "just do it."
I understand that there's not much you can say to a person that keeps repeating that they can't do something, but is there possibly a another answer besides just "doing it"?
I'm so fucked up /adv/. When someone tells me to go outside and just meet people a mental image runs through my head of what would actually happen, and I become extremely depressed when I think about how after "Hi", "Hey" and "How are you, fine" I would not know what to say and that the best thing for all parties involved would be for me to walk away and let them enjoy their life. I'm bothering people just by trying to fix myself.
I'm 24 and male
I've been this way since I can remember.
Last time I had sex was 4 years ago
Last time I had a girlfriend was 6 years ago
There are about 5-6 people that will hang out with me for a couple hours at a time, I don't talk about depression or anything while they're around because I know that they will leave me, but I'm not even my true self around them, I put on the "happy, normal mask".
I am now to the point where just being around my immediate family brings up these depressing thoughts and feelings, because I cannot talk to them about it (they respond with what I "just need to do")
>>17369036
>What if just thinking about this depresses you even further?
There is no "what if" about this. It is a certainty. It affects everybody.
There is a name for this feeling: it is fear. The fear keeps you shyt in, and makes you believe that there is no way out, and that trapped feeling in turn, depresses you.
The only way out of the cage is to smash it outright. And the only way to do that is to face your fear. I'm sorry, but nothing else works. Never has. Never will.
This doesn't mean you have to act rashly. No one ever cured arachnophobia by sticking his hand in a bucket of spiders. You can, and probably should, take it in small doses. Expose yourself to social situations bit by bit, pushing yourself a little bit outside your comfort zone each time, adjusting as your comfort zone stretches. This is still not easy, and it is not comfortable. You will still have to face your fear head-on, even if only a little bit at a time. But it IS a little easier. I'm afraid that's all the break you get.
I'm sorry. I wish there were a way that was easier than facing one's fears. People make it sound so much easier than it really is. But there is no other way.
Courage isn't when you're not scared. It's when you ARE scared, but you do it anyway. Be brave.
I work in IT
I did not get a degree, I graduated from a self-paced class at a tech college. I was being trained to take the Cisco certification tests, the low level ones. I took them 3 times and failed each time, probably because I simply could correctly commit subnetting to my memory, no matter how many times I tried. Therefore, I am stuck at the bottom tier of IT until I decide to further my education, but furthering my education in any direction in IT means passing certification tests, which means learning subnetting, which I seem incapable of.
I internally refuse to go back to college ( I tried and dropped out 2 times before hanging my head in shame and going to tech college) because of how much time I would waste taking and probably failing General Ed. classes before I ever got to the major classes.
I managed to land a job with my own office making $16.50 hourly with paid vacation and holidays, but only because this company doesn't know what they're doing. If they hired smarter managers, I would probably be replaced my a machine or by a high school student.
I smoke weed everyday. I have been doing it since I was 19. I only stop when I have to take a drug test, and that is not very often at all. If I run out of weed and get off work with nothing to smoke, I get irritable and start trying to buy some as soon as possible, even if it would be more expensive or less effective. I smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, have been doing this since I was 18.
I'm basically useless to society. I'm not procreating, I'm not doing meaningful work.
I guess what I'm coming here to ask is, has anyone in my position had any luck joining an armed forces branch? I figure this might be the only way that someone like me could be useful.
>>17369036
when I'm feeling down again, I'm in your exact position. I'm just as old as you are and male, too. idk I don't really there is anything besides going outside. just setting myself hilarious goals like ordering coffee at a restaurant I'm not familiar with sometimes boosts my confidence to infinity (at the end of the day, there's not actually much that could go wrong ordering a coffee).
on the other hand, what always helps me is working out. so try that if you don't already.
