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Is it shady that I can do very well interpersonally?
I can usually have girls interested in me despite being in a really unattractive life situation. I'm a poor guy who doesn't even look good, and the pretty rich girls seem to like me. I have also been eating increasingly higher quality food, but for free, as my roommate insists on feeding me organic produce when I don't cook my generic "meals." These people just give me their time and affection, without me asking, because I say the right thing and make the right impression. You can chalk a lot of that up to their own personal desires, but it seems funny that I live well at all on the bare minimum amount of work required to exist.
My father has preachers, actors, and performers in his family. My mother was a financial sales rep, her father is a retired foreman, and her grandfather was a handsome womanizer (among other more worthwhile things).
When my father was fat, desperate and out of style near the end of his divorce, he was bringing home these hot college girls I felt lucky even getting a glance from. He was gross and sad, you should have seen.
Is it in my genetics to be manipulative? I can spot antisocials and narcissists from a mile away, because their manipulative actions are usually not covert or excusable. They do damage, and if they hurt my friends I expose them...but what if I'm just the perfectly sized tick that never gets too fat or unruly? What if I'm not a good person? Am I burden on the world by nature?
bump
really need unbiased feedback on this
it's a touchy subject with friends
>>17369789
As far as your friends feeding you it sounds like they pity you and are basically being charitable. Which might explain why they give you their time and affection, because they also know you have a crumby life. I wouldn't brag about this, nor should you think you're taking advantage of them.
I pick up the tab for a lot of my poorer friends and even co-workers all the time. I patronize them a lot too because it makes them feel better about themselves.
Now as far as girls being interested in you that could just be cause you're charismatic. But the big question is, do you end up hooking up with them or is it just nice casual banter?
I think you're looking too much into this "being genetically manipulative" thing.
>>17369899
it seems like you're more focused on taking me as a braggart and then further scrutinizing me than answering the question.
>Is it shady to do very well interpersonally?
>what if I'm not a good person
>am I a burden on the world by nature
pity is kind of a repellant in a way, just to let you know. it's having sympathy for someone while simultaneously being disgusted by them. people typically don't spend the majority of their time with someone they find gross.
I thought trying Tinder would at least boost my self esteem even if I didn't get a relationship out of it because I have a VERY unattractive friend up north who gets matches daily.
Well now it's passively done the opposite. Keep in mind I'm a 18 year old boy of average attractiveness who lives in buttfuck, nowhere. Therefore, I wasn't expecting as many matches. So here's the story of my Tinder experience:
>originally matched with 2 girls
>tried talking to each one at a time
>first one was either really dumb or a bot
>moved on to the second
>second was decent but I feel like I fucked that one up because I used a weak ass icebreaker
>we keep talking for a hour and she removes me randomly mid-convo
Here's where the real shit starts
>get matched again a month later
>literally just looking to explore the different approaches I can take with matches
>7/10, taller than me but w/e I don't judge based on height because people cant help it
>I make a stupid ass pokemon related icebreaker because all college students play pokemon go around here
>She goes with it so we actually connect and talk for a hour
>I decide fuck it and ask her to send the best meme she's got
>she still plays along and I am very impressed
>she basically asks me for my number right before i was going to ask for hers
to be cont...
>>17369782
>Think that this is going along too smoothly, something will go wrong
>So we actually do start talking and connecting very well but I always had the feeling that I'm unknowingly in a competition with 1+ other matches from Tinder
>I end up asking her out and she says she will be out of town this weekend
>also find out she lives an hour drive away, 75 miles, which is kinda fucked up bc I had Tinder set to 30 miles
>not a problem, "are you free next weekend, then?"
>gives excuse that sounds made up
>Tell her "Look, if you dont want to go out just tell me, I really don't mind"
>"It's not like that, anon. I'm just going through some personal stuff rn"
>Immediately feel like I am one amongst other guys way more attractive than I am and she still hasn't decided between us
Side Note:
>If you need to be told why its wrong to do this to people you are the problem
Back to the story
>Talked to her a little more yesterday, felt the convo dying very quick so I said "Well I gotta wake up early tomorrow, gn"
>Sit in bed for 2 hours feeling small
>Sent her a "Yo" message today and she just responded, at some point I want to ask if it is in her prospects to ever want to go out
>To this second been feeling like I'm still competing against other guys and it makes me feel like shit.
>Its like showing up to a race but having the other racers be in invisible, unknown cars
Tinder only managed to make me feel like shit because I live in the south and can attest to saying that 1 southern girl is harder to get than 100 northern girls, but 1 northern girl is worth 100 southern girls.
tl;dr I just wanted to get something off my chest
Anon don't take it personally the girl probably just wanted attention and was never looking to actually meet up with a dude anyway. Tinder is a shit.
>>17369831
At least you have the balls to make the first move man. Honestly don't let this bother you to much, get yourself to a bar ( Assuming your not American) and approach girls there.
I've been on Tinder a few weeks, hardly talk to any of the girls I match because I have no idea what to say. But a few beers in me and approaching women in bars isn't anywhere near as stressful.
Also, its easy as fuck for women to match guys on Tinder. In all honesty you'll be competing with more than 1 guy for her attention. I'm not good at Tinder at all, so I won't lie and tell you I know what I'm doing. But I've been told you don't want to message the girl to many times on Tinder itself, as at the end of the day its a hook-up app.
Good luck anyways man
Any of you want to hear the story of how I have fucked up the first love of my life?
Got shit pre-typed. I never posted here so I might fuck up formatting and stuff.
Could use some good advice at the end.
>>17369757
>tfw haven't fucked up first love of my life
>tfw they fucked you
Go on
> be me, 22 years old, enjoying my newest app: Tinder
> Have had alot of success, some shitty dates but also easy pussy
> get matched with a girl 1 year younger than me, seems pretty enough: dick in full control
> Hit her up, she answers, we text for a bit until I ask her out, she has one request
> her: "Only if your aren't a dick driven asshole"
> me: "No" topkek
> the day comes, we joked a bit via phone before the date and I said I would bring a single rose
> she kinda laughed it off
> think to myself that it might be the most beta move, what if she doesn't like it and we have to awkwardly carry it around?
> say fuck it and buy one
> she actually lives quite close, god bless student housing
> we have to take the same bus to the city so we meet inside
> there are some other people and one might think that a situation like this would be awkward
> it's not, we hit it off and she actually likes the rose (I talk about the rose because it will be important later)
> two older women see us get off at our station, they make a remark how cute we are and that they miss their old days. Thanks bro grannys
> we go to a decent pizza place she picked
> date is nice but uneventful, we laugh alot and certainly klick
> the topic comes down to a german kids show we both enjoyed, I see my way in and suggest to watch it some time
> we set a date and drive home together (it got chilly so we hugged a little at the trainstation nothing more)
> movie date comes around, all I think about is possibly easy pussy
> she ain't having it, after a little kiss I'm sent on my way home.
> we meet several times, sometimes just for jogging, sometimes movies and shit
> never more than making out
> while all this unfolds I have about 3 chicks I frequent for casual sex, god bless chinese exchange students
> wondering if she is worth all this trouble
> one evening I stayed at her place, helping her study for a test the next day
Sweet this actually works. I'm just gonna dump, took me like an hour to write everything down.
20 years old, NEET, live at home and rely on my mother to stay alive through benefits, have a mixture of depression and social anxiety, these which are amplified due to the situation I've found myself in.
I attribute arriving at this point to dropping out of high school prematurely at 14, cutting contact with friends, and essentially halting my social life then and there. Instead of enrolling into another high school, I instead opted to do distance education (that I still haven't complete) which meant 95% of my time was spent indoors at home, and the remainder was still spent alone. My hobbies consisted of what's expected - a monumental time in front of screens, playing video games and shitposting here. The barriers which limited me to these hobbies and living conditions I feel were a lack of stable accommodation (moved around a bit), lack of direction and fear towards regaining some form of social life outside of school alongside peers, eventually addiction towards the video games and internet, and ultimately depression and social anxiety. From ages 14-18, it's almost like there's a giant gap in my life where I essentially did nothing.
2014 was the first time I tried to push myself out of this. I was enrolled in a short "Workplace Practices" course that was supposed to make me more employable. I figured getting a job was the way to go. Being around the small group of about 12 people made me quite nervous but I made it through and completed it. At the time it felt like a turning point but unfortunately I spent the rest of the year putting the legally required minimal effort to find a job after the initial energy had gone. Went to two interviews at fast food places but I guess I was a bit awkward.
(cont.1/3)
So, the next year, 2015, I decided to enrol in an in-class 'Tertiary Preparation' course to supplement my lack of high school diploma. Primarily it was to get out of being obligated to look for work, but I also came to be enthused about the opportunity of earning a certificate that would allow me to go to university and 'catch-up' with my "imaginary" peers that I'm forever competing with. Long story short, it ended up falling short of expectations too. It could be completed within a year, and I made it about 90% of the way, but I let the work get ahead of me for a variety of reasons which lead to me being overwhelmed, missing days, then calling it quits. What plagued me throughout the year was obsessive thoughts and concerns about social interactions and maintaining relationships with people, something I was now rather unfamiliar with. Instead of paying my full attention in class, I was constantly thinking about the people around me; how I appear to them, how I should behave around them, how I should interact with them, should I go with them for lunch, are we going to walk together to the train station, ect. And when I came home, it didn't really stop, meaning no studying. It was due to feelings of inadequacy, comparing what other people around my age had done and achieved next to what I hadn't, because of the gap that was my late teens. Despite managing to make some friendships with some wonderful people, the stress of this constant inadequacy meant gradually distancing and avoiding them, until I cut them off completely via dropping out of the course.
(cont. 2/3)
A few months into this year, in yet another effort to gain some traction, I came to find it's still (unsurprisingly) a burden that's affecting my ability to pursue meaningful relationships. For about a month, I did volunteer work out on a farm and met some characters. Upon reflection now, I'm not sure why I would expected otherwise, but I still felt constantly uptight and unable to loosen up around people. The end point I guess of this whole post (I just started writing randomly) is that for a long time I haven't done anything and still continue to do fucking nothing, which is both a result and a 'cause' of my situation, but I've reached the point where it's hard to get up and do something about it after so many defeats. I think I started writing this because I was some empathy or sympathy, but what I -need- is some good solid direction on how to overcome this. When I wake up in the morning, despite having the highest desire for it before I go to bed, the last thing I feel like doing is going outside, to help give some perspective. I need some guidance in figuring out what my goals are and setting small achievable steps to gradually close in on them.
Hmph. I apologise if I've gone a little schizophrenic at the end there, I've grown quite tired and will probably hop into bed soon. I would deeply appreciate any advice. Thank you.
(3/3)
Oh god I'm tired as fuck, really appreciate anyone that has the patients to read through my bullshit, it probably could've been much shorter.
Looking for that sobering advice this board has consistently given. It concerns my girlfriend and a guy in her old circle of friends who has had feelings for her (call him Tom). Greentext naow:
>we've been seeing each other for a year +2 months now, weren't official until 8-9 months ago
>early on when we were first talking she went to the bar with Tom once, consoled him about his room-mates, he was apparently drunk/upset
>after that night asked her about him, said she had friend-zoned him/wasn't interested in him like that
>he did work on her car once later, she bought him food as thanks, then they rented a couple movies, she was over his place till 2am
>she openly told me all these things, said nothing happened but when i asked she told me all this
>become official later
>friend has xmas party at his place, says she's going, at this point i've met a couple of friends from this circle
>Tell her I didn't feel right, given I wasn't invited. We'd discussed jealousy a little b4. Morning of party invites me to go with her
>said she asked another good friend going if it'd be weird to ask Tom if I could come, her friend told her she's being silly and told Tom she was afraid to ask, so that when she asked Tom he said yes and she told Tom that she wasn't afraid to ask him
>she tells me all these things, I chose not to go that night, frustrated it seemed she was ashamed to ask given her good friend in the circle agreed she was being silly
>went camping with her circle one weekend in spring, Tom there, said very little to me, everyone else seems mostly cool
>when this comes up gf repeatedly mentions wanting everyone to be cool
>Tom is having a birthday party in 2 weeks, inviting the circle out to a couple bars (bars her and I have gone to as well)
>says she's probably going
>I haven't been invited. She said he made a fb page for it, made everyone hosts but doesn't know if thats cool if I go
to be continued, almost wrapped up, please bear with me because I'm really conflicted
>>17369719
>when I mentioned my feelings she said she doesn't want it to be where she can't hang with any of them if Tom is there
>Tell her I never stated this, it just feels odd I'm excluded
>It's not even that I feel I always have to be there, it just seems that anytime Tom hosts something I'm excluded
>she says she's frustrated that she feels she has to ask him if I can come, I don't know why she feels that way
>in the past she made a fb status looking for girl-friends who would like to work out with her
>Tom comments that he's down
>she "liked" it
>I came to /adv/ on that issue, when I asked her she said she wouldn't do it, just liked the comment out of courtesy? I shrugged it off but to me it shows Tom's intentions
>when discussing the birthday recently I brought that stuff up, she got aggravated I bring up the stuff from before
>we discuss all this with no hostility I should add, both of us have been cheated on and talk openly to each other
>however i learned in this convo that she had gone on a couple dates with him a little before we started talking, and that he kissed her once, she wasn't ready for it, felt it was awkward
>I told her she would feel the same way I do in my shoes, and maybe handle it differently b/c in our talks she's said she wouldn't even want to know if I've looked at another girl
I don't know if I'm mis-placing trust now. What has me feeling I could be wrong to mis-trust is that she feels excluded from the circle since her last breakup. They knew her bf but none of them liked the guy. Her "good friend" from the circle knew her ex was cheating on her, didn't tell her but told the whole circle. So they all knew she was being cheated on but never told her, she found out thru an acquaintance so she even questions why she tries staying in with this circle of friends
So I don't want to be the boyfriend who says they're not good friends, but they don't seem that way. And I'm frustrated that Tom's feelings for her seem to exclude me
>>17369719
>>17369753
Correction: I'm frustrated that it seems Tom's feelings for her seem to be the reason I get excluded. And it's going to bother me that night if she goes out with them for his birthday, knowing I'm excluded because of his feelings or me getting a little jealous and asking what was between them.
That's the story so far. Other than this issue our relationship has been great. But when this comes up things feel a little shitty.
I'd greatly appreciate any input and thanks ahead of time for your time and /adv/ice, it's never failed me before
>>17369769
>I'm excluded
OP the reason you are excluded is because of Tom and she doesn't want to make him uncomfortable. In most relationships it is assumed if one is invited the couple is so it is very problematic your gf doesn't see it this way.
Having said that it doesn't appear she will change so you either shut up about it and accept her relationship with Tom or you decide you will not put up with your gf in a close friendship with a guy that is in love with her and find you another girl that puts your relationship above a guy.
20 yo guy with a hairy problem here. Unfortunately, the genes that gave me a cool beard and apparently "nice" eyebrows are also giving me this shit.
Hair grows on my shoulders and upper back pretty long and dark. I also have hair on my chest, but I keep it trimmed and I rather like it. However I hate the shit on my back, it looks awful and also it feels itchy sometimes. I've used a shaving cream but not with great results as you can see. The worse part it's that it merges with the hair from my upper arms and I don't know how to shave/trim it so it dosent look weird. I wanna go to the pool or to the beach and I don't what people to look odd at me, I hate attention in general. I've thought about letting it grow a bit and then (sugar) waxing it? But how/where should I stop on my arm? Yeah, I know about laser removal, but I can't afford it right now.
Pic related
dude its fine go to the beach have fun and more than likely nobody will care if you have hairy arms or a hairy back.
This is hot. And I saw your undies :D Love hairy men, hairy like you. It's just as it suppose to be
and I'm a guy, yes.
Dude forget what I said someones gonna pummel your boipucci if you don't get that shit waxed immediately.
I've decided that I'm gonna learn how to play acoustic guitar, because it felt like a good idea still is. I learnt how to play on different frets and also got chords E, Em, and A at my hands. But now I moved to C and this shit is giving me some hard times. I can't hold it properly for more than ten seconds, it cuts right through my fingertips.
Will it get better with playing? Did everyone start like this or do I have some weird soft fingertips?
>>17369705
Almost everyone gets this, eventually your tips will form calluses and you'll almost lose the ability to feel with your fingertips.
>>17369705
Everyone starts like that. Just keep going and it'll get better.
This will get better after more playing. Guitarists have finger callous.
How do l stop being a selfish, lazy, spoiled asshole? l don't have the responsability to do anything. How do l fix my life?
One word:
T H E R A P Y
If you cant make your self do shit you need to do because you lack motivation you may or may not have some real psichological problem at hand.
Other than that try all the normie bullshit on google about motivating your self. Pomodoro technique diary etc.
But I think that lazyness and lack of motivation can be a symptom of more deep problems you need to solve
logo mais eu to ai e as coisas vão melhorar (nem que seja um pouquinho só)
>>17369702
This.
>>17369735
Hi /adv/! I am a girl with a tickling fetish (I like to be tickled). I signed on a tickling forum some days ago, and some people messaged me. I'd like to meet somebody and make real experiences, but I'm scared they might be creep or very bad people. Do you think it's dangerous to meet people like this, in this kinda sexual way online?
pic unrelated
Yes. Get a boyfriend in real life to tickle you. It's not some fucking crazy shit you need to go online to find. Anyone can tickle somebody.
>>17369691
> but I'm scared they might be creep
>Hi guys, I'm here because I have this really weird fetish that gets me off, just like you guys, don't judge me.
>You fucking creeps.
Bitch, ever think you're the creep?
Also, if you aren't comfortable taking the risks that come inherently with online meet-ups, you shouldn't do them.
That's literally all there is to it.
>>17369706
I had two bf, both of them didn't tickle me after they found out I have this fetish. They tickled me before knowing it, but a very few times.
Does anyone know the story?
http://www.barenakedislam.com/2016/03/25/never-hire-a-muslim-reason-152-muslim-security-guards-mock-and-taunt-naked-white-guy-who-got-locked-out-of-his-apartment-instead-of-unlocking-the-door-for-him/
Guy was lucky he didn't have a goatee beard.
The Muslims would have raped him.
>>17369671
This is a clickbait site
The guy is actually a thief, got caught, so they smacked his shit straight, took his clothes and kicked him out
>>17369716
umm, why? Why didnt just call the police?
I have been friends with a female friend for about 5 years
>same class in school for several years.
When she graduated, she moved into another town and our communication petered out. One year after that i happened to move to a town very close to hers.
I wanted to meet-up as friends and catch-up.
>But every time i reestablished contact, and invited her over (even just skyping), she always found a reason not to come (party, friends, study...).
>She always told me to come to her place (neither makes a big difference, we live only 45min apart). Then contact stopped. And every time i tried to get in touch, the same happened.
>NEVER did she contact me and ask me how i was.
A few weeks ago, i had business in her town and told her that i would be in town. Told her a few days beforehand.
>she wrote she'd see.
>me looking forward to it
>the nights before we had wrote quite a bit.
>one night before she suddenly says 'she cannot' - 'don't be angry - smily'
>doesn't give any reason
>had already adjusted my week accordingly before hand.
>This pissed me off a lot.
Apart from her behaviour being very disrespectful and impolite in my opinion.
Friendships are important to me. And i would put aside a few hours any time a friend came over, no matter the circumstances.
I know we are both busy with our own studies. I am more restricted due the structure of my study (very frequent exams).
>But not finding a single day in an entire year while living basically next to one another is not ok to me.
The only time in the entire year we skyped she cut off after 45min because she was called to eat. When we talked it was like old times.
I am now at the point where i just won't contact her anymore. I am tired of her not seeming to care about/actively dismissing a long friendship.
And only me contacting her. And her being so unreliable and unresponsive.
>What should i do?
>Just consider the friendship dead?
>Experiences?
tell her she's a cunt
>>17369645
Did you guys have a thing op? Romantic/relationship wise?
>>17369645
>same class in school for several years.
ok
>she always found a reason not to come (party, friends, study...)
>She always told me to come to her place (neither makes a big difference, we live only 45min apart). Then contact stopped. And every time i tried to get in touch, the same happened.
>NEVER did she contact me and ask me how i was.
I think there was a hint somewhere, try any of the above
>she wrote she'd see.
That's not a yes
>one night before she suddenly says 'she cannot' - 'don't be angry - smily'
>doesn't give any reason
Yeah you are really bad at taking hints.
Accept the friendship is over, I don't know how friendly you both were, but it sounds like you were just classmates.
You don't get to keep all of your friends, not even the ones you know for years, that's just how life works.
i kinda don't understand how people can live without drinking regularly. what do other people do? i understand that a normie can go and be with his girlfriend or whatever. but what can a fuck-up do
>>17369637
OP, if you're an alcoholic then why can't you spit instead of swallowing so you don't get drunk and don't kill your liver?
>>17369649
that doesn't make sense. i don't like the flavor, i like being drunk. which is probably the case with most people who drink a lot
just go to your parents and tell them you need help to quit drinking after a few years you wont need alcohol anymore but just take it a day at a time.
I'm impulsive as shit. What can I do about it?
I spend money on useless crap. I just cut my hair and died it black on a whim and it doesn't even suit me. I do lots of things I regret soon after. Also can't concentrate on following plans or instruction so I always start improvising. My massive procrastination problems might somehow be related to this, too.
The thing is my brain does this weird thing, before I can even stop myself. It just shuts out all reasonable thoughts. I can't explain it better.
>>17369594
G A B A G O O L
A
B
A
G
O
O
L
GO OUT AND SMASH SOMETHING.
DO IT FAGGOT!
Seriously though, how can we help you control your impulses? Well I had to find that willpower on my own anyway. Hm.
>>17369627
I don't know, should I hire someone to follow me around to hit me every time I'm about to do something dumb. I just don't know how to make willpower or some shit out of nothing.
I guess i am gonna get shit on for this post but w/e.
A few months ago i got funky with the girl of a friend of mine. The guy stopped talking to me obviously and i didn't try to contact him again. It was a stupid thing that i did (to say the least) and i pretty much regret it.
He left country for work and will be back this november. I would really like to talk to him and try to mend things if possible. What do you think? Any particular way i should proceed?
offer him your boipucci
yes they deserved to die and I hope they burn in hell
>>17369593
Bruh sorry I dicked your girl down, she liked it though. It's not my fault your girls a thirsty one
I need help.
I just graduated college and one of my current roommate's and I are planning on moving to NYC when our lease is up at the end of August. Last Friday we visited NYC, found a place we liked, and put down a deposit while we wait to get approved.
And then I immediately started having massive, ceaseless panic attacks. It's now Monday and I haven't stopped having them. I've barely eaten or slept. All of a sudden I realize I really don't think I want to live or work in NYC. It feels so busy and claustrophobic to me. I never liked visiting it as a kid (grew up in NJ). We don't have the apartment yet, but I would feel bad bailing on my friend. She just got dumped, her other potential roommate dicked her over (my ex, by coincidence) and now I would feel very guilty doing the same to her. But I can't help but feel like it's a bad idea for me to move to NYC.
What the fuck do I do? I have no job lined up there. I studied marketing and now I don't even know if I want to do that anymore. I don't want to go to NYC, I don't want to continue living in Boston since all my friends are leaving.
Continued:
I have friends in NYC, but the idea of living there makes me so deeply uncomfortable I don't think I can do it. I've been thinking about killing myself nonstop since signing / putting the deposit down.
I've thought about L.A. since I have a couple of friends out there, but who's to say I won't feel the exact same way once I move out there. Plus, I don't know what I'd do for employment out in L.A. anyway. I feel like I'm stuck with nowhere to go and no options that don't make me want to kill myself.
why would you move to one of the most expensive cities in the country without a job lined up? That's not a plan, its a recipe for ending up on the street. Your savings will be gone in an instant.
is it not possible to move back in with your parents in NJ while you look for a job in the city, then once you're a bit more secure you can move into it.
>>17369569
wow haha, ok I take back what I said
clearly you have deeper problems than just the normal practical ones of money and finding work, you really want to kill yourself over this? THIS? Wtf is wrong with you, get a fucking grip.
stop being such a damn attention whore and drama queen and man the fuck up
