Do you have anyone to go see Star Wars with /tv/? I don't
>>63711822
I haven't gone to a movie theater in over 6 years, couldn't give less of a fuck.
My mom asked me to go with her
Is it weird to go to the cinema alone?
Starts with Poe in a village on Jakku acquiring a piece of a map that will lead to Luke Skywalker. The First Order show up and start shooting up the place. Poe and BB8 flee and almost get away. Poe gives the map to BB8 and tells him to run. Finn is part of the Stormtrooper battalion that raided the village, he is visually disturbed by the massacre and refuses to fire his weapon. Poe tries to assassinate Kylo Ren as he executes the village leader but Ren catches the blaster round with the force. Poe is taken to a Star Destroyer and interrogated by Ren, where he uses the Force to finally give up that he hid the plans inside the BB8 unit. Finn helps Poe escape in a TIE fighter but a fight ensues and the ship is damaged and crash lands back on Jakku. Finn ejects and makes his way to the crashed ship but there is no sign of Poe. He sets out to find civilisation.
Rey scavenges inside a crashed Star Destroyer and lives by selling scrap in a small town. She comes across BB8 one night and allows it to stay with her. The next day in town BB8 pulls the attention of multiple people in the small town. Finn reaches the town as some First Order Stormtroopers are tipped off that the droid with Rey is the one they’re searching for. TIE fighters arrive and start shooting up the place, but they escape in the Millennium Falcon, which belonged to the owner of the Scrapyard. Rey and Finn pilot the Falcon through the Jakku desert and a Star Destroyer and are eventually successful and leave the planet.
Finn convinces BB8 to tell him where the Resistance base is but before they can enter hyperspace they are put in a tractor beam by a very large cargo ship. Han and Chewie are in charge of the ship and are transporting large carnivorous squid monsters. The ship is boarded by two different groups of mercenary bounty hunters tracking Solo. Rey releases the squid monsters and they distract the Bounty Hunters long enough for everyone to get on the Falcon and flee.
They arrive at a green planet, Solo offers Rey a job with him smuggling but she says she has to get back to Jakku to wait for her family. Finn is not convinced he wants to actually be part of the resistance and just wants to get far away from everything. They enter a bar where they meet with Maz Kanata. Informants for both the Resistance and the First Order send messages that the droid has arrived there. Rey wanders away a set of stairs into a dungeon sort of area where she is being drawn by cries to a store room. Inside she finds a chest with Lukes Lightsaber. When she touches the Light Saber she gets a vision of Kylo Ren and the Knights of Ren slaughtering the entire Jedi Academy that Luke started. Maz says she has waited many years for someone to come and claim the Light Saber and that no one is coming back for her on Jakku. She flees and runs into the forest. Meanwhile Finn tries to organise a transport with some random aliens to get far away.
Cut to a scene of General Hux giving a speech to a field of First Order troops about the end of the New Republic. They fire up the Star killer and send a gigantic beam across space that obliterates multiple planets. Before anything can happen at the bar, the First Order arrive and start blowing the place up. Finn grabs Lukes Lightsaber, a large fight ensues between Han, Chewie, Finn and the Stormtroopers. Kylo Ren pursues Rey into the forest and confronts her. He senses that he no longer needs the BB8 droid because Rey has seen the map and he will be able to interrogate her for it. He incapacitates Rey and takes her captive. The first order start to leave with Lukes Lightsaber but the Resistance shows up and saves the day. They reclaim the Lightsaber and rescue Han, Chewie and Finn but Kylo still gets away with Rey.
Ren and Hux have a meeting with general Snoke, who is a 20 foot tall Prometheus Engineer.
Ren admits that he didn’t bother going for the droid because they have Rey and that he failed to retrieve Lukes Lightsaber. Snoke asks Ren if he still has feeling for his father. Ren also has a monologue in his room over Darth Vaders mask about how Snoke suspects that he can still feel the light inside him. Kylo Ren tries to interrogate Rey but she uses the force to block his mind control. She accuses him of being weak and will never become the next Darth Vader. Later Rey uses jedi mind tricks on the Stormtrooper in her cell to free her.
At the resistance home base Finn, Solo and Chewie are reunited with everyone. Poe survived the crash on Jakku. Finn informs the Resistance that the Star killer has to refuel by consuming a star and it will be weak during that period. Finn, Solo and Chewie set out to the Star Killer in the Falcon and arrive the ground to try and disable the shield. They infiltrate the main base and capture Captain Phasma and use her to disable the shields. The X wings and there is a large dog fight that goes on while the rest of the story happens that you occasionally cut back too. They run into Rey in the base and they set out to leave but in the distance Han sees Kylo Ren. He pursues him and confronts him. Ren accuses Han of being weak and that to believe in the Supreme Leader. Han pleads that there is still good in him, to take off the mask and come home. Rey beings to cry but ignites his light saber and stabs Han. Finn and Rey escape from the base but become separated by Chewie. Ren pursues Finn and Rey. Finn and Ren fight, Ren easily defeats Finn with a slash to the back incapacitating him. Rey appears and claims Lukes Lightsaber before Ren can pick it up. They have a much extended battle
While this happening Poe and the rest of X-wings find some success and manage to destroy the generator in the main base of the Star Killer. The entire planet starts to collapse. Ren and Rey fight but the injured and exhausted Ren is defeated but the ground collapses between Ren and Rey before Rey can finish him. Chewie rescues the unconscious Finn and Rey. Snoke informs Hux to retrieve Ren and to flee the Starkiller and come to him in person so that Ren can finish his training.
At the resistance base celebrations are had but Finn is still in critical condition and Han Solo is dead. Sensing that Rey, the successor of Luke has arrived, R2D2 finally awakens from his slumber and reveals that he has had the rest of the map tracing Luke. BB8 and R2D2 connect their maps allowing Rey to find Luke. Rey arrives at the planets, climbs about 6 million steps and finds a wise looking Luke staring over the ocean. Rey holds out the Light Saber. End.
What does /tv/ think of Bob "MovieBob" Chipman as a film critic? I find his opinions on the best movies of the year quite interesting.
2012: The Avengers
2013: Pacific Rim
2014: Guardians of the Galaxy
2015: The Martian
>>63711709
How does a guy who nearly killed himself over a Mario game becomes a film critic?
>>63711771
>nearly killed himself over a Mario game
Explain
>>63712754
Movieblob is an autist, about sums it up.
>>63711709
And I'm not even one of those wannabe /tv/ "patricians", but Jesus fuck this is the most disgustingly pleb list of favorites for the last few years ever.
I really miss her. Fact is, I stopped truly paying attention after Season 11, but the fact that Marcia Wallace is dead makes me watch her scenes differently. Underrated character.
Edna: "BART, you haven't been paying attention to a word I said, have you"
Bart: "Yes ma'am"
Edna: "Well then what did I say?"
Bart: "Uhhhh, straighten up and fly right?"
Edna: "Pff-well that was a lucky guess!"
this show is literally reddit
>stupid man does stupid thing for stupid reason
>quirky, genius girl solves every problem
>interracial town lives in complete harmony with only one white man doing all crime
>most pious character openly mocked for his faith
>republicans are evil lol
>all problems solved with hugbox approach
it's even worse than reddit and morty, and that's saying something
>>63711529
Lol
That's pretty true for modern Simp. I'm guessing that Lisa is an atheist now and has a brown boyfriend in an episode or season.
>>63711452
They killed her?
It had its moments but fuck me, there was some prequel-tier scenes for sure. Personally I think it's the most meh Star Wars of the mainline releases. It's not better than Jedi. It's better than Revenge by a good bit but Rey's dialogue can be pretty bad. She was surprisingly decent at acting but the lines she was giving sounded like fan fiction at times.
i thought it was worse than phantom menace
>>63711399
Maybe because it's a fanfiction.
>>63711467
I don't understand the hate for Phantom Menace
>let's cut a turbine engine in half
most retarded shit ive ever seen
and yes I know this was the original design
it was scrapped for a good reason
Who cares you autistic shit. Still mad your precious EU got scrapped?
>>63711459
hey reddit!
>>63711384
it's clearly a dyson
What's the name of this hairstyle?
Isn't that the question of the day?
>>63711333
lawnmower 1 wearer 0
The Just
Supergirl absolutely destroying Gotham in the ratings.
Time Show Adults 18-49 Rating/Share Viewers (000s)
8 p.m. The Voice (NBC) (8-10 p.m.) 3.2/10 13.91
>Supergirl (CBS) 1.5/5 7.39
The Great Christmas Light Fight (ABC) (8-10 p.m.) 1.3/4 5.01
>Gotham (FOX) – R 0.4/1 1.39
The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show (The CW) – R 0.4/1 1.23
How do you explain this?
It's much newer, plays on a larger network, and it's much more expensive.
It's still a huge disappointment
Superboobs.
>>63711297
>Gotham has been on a break for almost 3 weeks.
Of course a show that isn't on break would get more views.
Why was the fucking Forbes review thread 404'd after like 12 comments and being up for a few minutes?
http://www.forbes.com/sites/scottmendelson/2015/12/16/star-wars-the-force-awakens-review-the-empire-strikes-out/
its back up
>>63711278
Mods are on suicide watch.
>While I will happily admit that it’s a big deal that the newStar Warsfilm is led by a woman and a black man I must also confess that the movie puts far too much of a premium on that fact as a means of dramatic impact.
Wow what a bigot shit review
An astromech droid arrives on a lawless desert planet, and having gotten plans crucial to the survival of a noble galactic organization Leia Organa helps spearhead, it goes off and is found by a desert dweller with latent Force potential. After that droid leaves, the place he escaped from is burned to the ground by the ruthless stormtroopers of an Imperial, tyrannical organization, who are hunting said information. The organization is headed by a psychopathic military officer and a black robed/masked, red lightsaber-wielding Dark Side Force user. The aforementioned desert dweller is eventually followed by said Imperial organization and escapes using the Millennium Falcon. With the help of an old, wizened and knowledgeable mentor figure who explains the truth and the lore behind the Force and the Jedi, the desert dweller finds out about the history of their family and of their Force-related abilities around the time they enter a den of aliens, smugglers, criminals and the like. Eventually, the desert dweller and mentor find themselves on a gargantuan, spherical superweapon capable of destroying celestial bodies. On said superweapon, the old, wizened mentor comes face to face with the Dark Side, black-garbed Force user, who he used to be a father figure and friend towards. The old, wizened mentor putting up no defense, the Force user cuts him down with his lightsaber. Though only having known him for a couple days at most, the desert dweller is distraught. Eventually, after a trench run involving X-wings and TIE fighters, the spherical superweapon is incapacitated before the genocidal military officer can use it. The desert dweller, having finally used the Force, has saved the day, though the Dark Side Force user lives on and the Imperial organization will almost certainly strike back at some point.
Fear not, though! The desert dweller will soon be off to a remote planet where an old Jedi Master waits in self-imposed exile to teach them the ways of the Force in preparation for their eventual battle against the Dark Sider and his master, the head of the Imperial organization, a mysterious, robed, pale, wrinkled, ugly, old man who is very powerful in the Dark Side of the Force.
>>63711280
Mark hamill is not ugly though
>>63711260
Jesus Christ.
I'm almost glad this happened as the meme's and copy-pasta will never. get. old.
>"today, we celebrate our Independence Day Resurgence"
what did he mean by this
Bill pullman best dad
>>63711232
Go to bed Grandpa. I
>mfw I saw that trailer
Are you guys looking forward to John Wick 2? It has Addy in it
Who this
>>63711206
Its Addy
>>63711206
here name is literally in the picture
>/tv/ hates it and is already failing to make memes
>failed critics have to write negative reviews about it to get publicity
>the rest of the world overwhelmingly loves it and can't wait for Episode VII
So basically, it's awesome and everyone should see it in theaters? Glad to know it passed the /tv/ litmus test.
B but muh nigger muh glib fachscimile muh w why can a girl olay with swords. This board is full of edgy neckbeards.
Sounds like boyhood all over again.
Yeah I can't wait for Star Wars: The Force Awakens™©®, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story™©®, Star Wars: Episode VIII™©®, solo Han Solo™©®, Star Wars: Episode IX™©®, solo Boba Fett™©®, and more!! The next several years are gonna be a wild ride, it's a great time to be a geek! Shut up and take my money (Futurama quote)!
Why can't you accept that people like it? You kept insisting that it would be shit and, even though some reviews are less glowing than others, the general consensus is that it's at least a good movie. Accept your defeat.
>>63710853
cuz no camrips
>>63710853
First reviews will never be entirely honest. Read this: http://pastebin.com/LZbiipR0
Daily reminder
I was born in 1997, what is this? Did people actually pay to keep movies for a week?
>>63710851
I was born in the final month 1996 and I remember going to blockbuster all the time, hell I remember when they first got dvd's there, I went every weekend.
>>63710851
Did you start having memory at 12?
>>63710851
lmfao they did
