RULE 34, GIFS TOO?
My penis needs this
Hey /b/. My wife and I just got seperated. Greentext story time, I feel like I need to tell someone, and why not /b/.
>Be me
>Highschool nerd, I loved Physics
>Girl in my class, Jenny.
>Jenny is qt3.14 to the max
>Spend pretty much all of Physics staring at her
>One day she catches me staring
>"Hey Tom, whats up?"
>"Uhh-uhh nothing, just like studying and everything right?"
>"Haha thats cool, arent you like awesome in Physics? You always do really well on the tests and everything"
>"Uhh yeah I guess, I really like it"
>"Haha alright cool! See you later Tom!"
>Somehow spaghetti stayed in pocket and I talked to her for the first time
>Eventually I realize that she sucked at Physics, and it took me a week or two to build up the courage to ask her to study with me and I would help her in the class
>She said yes
>Oh god she said yes
>Somehow spaghetti is remaining in pocket
>Spend 2 days getting house and everything ready
>Doorbell rings
>Force the spaghetti back into my pocket
Cont? Will cont if there's interest.
>>565715412
Please do cont.
nah, this sounds kinda gay
>>565715412
/b/ is here for you cont.
hey i'm grump
penis joke, fart joke, wolf job...
No, you're a faggot
I'm not so grump!
daily reminder that teenage girls have prettier and cutter faces than adult woman
>>565705486
>>cutter
Boy am I glad that I'm only 12 xD
<3
Run the navy seal copypasta through several languages then back to English in Google translate. Post results.
>What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
Bitch, what you fucking do I said you just fuck a little bit about me? -I, a person of more than 300 people, Quaeda attack of many secrets of Al above, are killing graduation to me you is, is at the top of my class in the Navy Seals you my I was confirmed that. It would have been involved to know. I'm the top sniper in the United States Army as a whole that would have been trained in gorilla warfare. Without doing anything, the target simply, no longer to you at all to me. The words of fucking, the accuracy of you, they had not seen before on this planet, but I will mark wipe it does not like me to fuck there. I, do you think you would be to allow you to escape to say that shit to me on the Internet is it? Please consider the bastard again. You, if you speak in the United States with me, and for your good, now, the trace, you are, we for the maggots have been prepared for the storm, as was in contact with the network of spy my secret of the IP address. I was wiped out those pathetic little to storm call your life. It is Kuso-ko, you are dead. I, at any time, anywhere, it is possible to kill you in the way of more than 700, it is my bare hands just me. Similarly, a little shit of you, I was trained in unarmed combat extensively, but face off of the continent of your, to wipe the miserable ass you have, I, the United States I you can use the fact that it is the best, access to the weapons of the entire Marine Corps. You down, only if you were able to know that it is you, evil revenge that has been commented that small, "smart" as the top of your held a fucking tongue maybe you would have. However, it is you, you, I could not now, you did not deceive Inaka-sha your white man to pay the price. It's shit all the rage of you, but I'm drowning in you it. Fucking children have died for you.
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>>565703363
10 languages later...
>What the hell did you just fucking tell me you little prostitute? "I want you to know I finished the top Special Forces class, and participated in a number of secret attacks al-Qaeda, I have more than 300 confirmed murders I accept gorilla warfare sniper and I was in the senior defense forces in general you do something for me, just another target. would just like to say that never before seen on this earth, they will destroy you in hell, remember my words, silly, you think you can get away with it all gave me online ? Think again, you idiot, when we talk, I contacted my secret throughout the United States and your IP spy network being monitored, so you'll be better prepared for the storm, grubs. storm destroyed his Poor you call life you fucking dead, baby, I can be anywhere, at any time, I can kill you over seven hundred ways, just bare hands., I do not just teach them widely dogfight, but I got all the weapons, marine Corps United States and has been used to eliminate ass face continent, and there are plenty of dog feces, but if you know what the punishment is evil little "smart" comments hit you, you may have to keep fucking language, but you can not, you do not know, now you pay the price, you fucking idiot. your anger, Mom, you drown in it. Fuck you died, Kiddo.
Last thread died with no replies, let's try again.
>>565677967
Explain
Just save an explanation and copy paste it as the first comment because you are always going to get people asking
faggot
>>565678190
About two days ago, I left home in St. Louis. There are a lot of reasons. The one I originally went with was the one most people reference: When I was 13, I got frisky with a 13 year old girl. In MO, anyone who has sexual contact and is under 14 is raped. So, by MO laws, we committed statutory rape on each other. We broke up, she told her parents, they took it to the police. The police said that there wasn't any actual raping going on, we were just two stupid teens. But, the problem was that I did try to go all the way with her, and she said "no". But I was already on top of her and just went with it, and ignored her (I had just gone from a tiny private school to a massive public school, and my only experience with females was from porn-- specifically hentai, where they say "no~!" all the time). I confessed to that, along with a bunch of other shit I did, to a friend, who then threatened to take the info to both the police and everyone I knew. I bailed that night.
I left both to get away from that and to fucking /do/ something. I was posting in a suicide thread, someone said to just pick up some shit and go, so that's what I did. I'm now almost 700 miles from home.
>>565679005
I've just saved the one above.
ASS THREAD! Post the biggest asses in proportion to the bitch it's attached to.
creep thread
bump because i love these threads
>>565699239
sage
ITT: God Tier Vaginas
Hnnnnng
>>565685239
Enjoy, faggot.
Last thread 404'd
Gather round /b/ it's story time.
I'd like to talk about my Her. We've all got one and this is the story of mine. There will be no Fresh Prince, no dinosaurs and no spaghetti.
I don't have the sauce for any of my images. And this isn't pre-typed so don't expect lightning speed.
Hit it.
>Be me, 21, 3 years ago
>Attending a convention about an hour away from where I lived at the time
>Why was I there? Fuck you, that's why
>Be upstairs checking shit out when a girl said I was wearing a cool costume
>Why was I wearing a costume? Fuck you, that's why
>She asked to take my picture and I agreed
>We made small talk for a few minutes, I honestly can't remember what.
>She starts to walk off and said "Come on, I'll buy you a drink"
Comeagain.jpg
>I'm supposed to use that line. Also, that didn't take long.
>Had these thoughts in the space of 2 seconds with I suspect a raised eyebrow
>Followed
>I ordered cider, she ordered wine
>We continued talking about Ican'tfuckingrememberforthelifeofme for a while before going to check other things out
>We got some food together (I think I had ribs) and continued to hang
>What was most prevelant in my mind during the initial interactions was how easy it was to converse with her
>No pressure, saying things as they came to mind, making jokes and enjoying each others company
>I didn't know this was possible with a girl
>More on that later
>We had our picture taken later on in the day with our arms around each other
>She clearly wasn't offended by my physical presence which was a big plus for me
>Unfortunately we were approached by a good-natured drunk so had to humour him for a while before he went on his way
>Started laughing our asses off afterwards at how pissed he was
>While we were laughing, she stroked my face
>Somewhat emboldened by the signal, I made some coy physical contact on her thigh which didn't get me slapped in the face - bonus!
>We wound up watching some shows being premiered before she had to leave
>I gave her my contact info before she left so she could find me on facebook
>Realize to my horror a few hours later that I didn't have hers. I hadn't thought to even ask her name I was so preoccupied.
>All I had was a face and nothing else
YOUABSOLUTEFUCKINGTWAT.IDIOT
>Started to micro-analyse every aspect of the interaction in the subsequent days
>According to friends I relayed the story to, she had liked me after all (I was kind of oblivious like that)
Now we have to take a detour for some backstory
>Throughout the course of my entire childhood i.e. ages 0-18 all of my schools were all boys
>This meant virtually no interaction with girls so if I ever did meet some I was a bumbling nervous moron
>Memories of talking about shitty video games and playing with remote control cars spring to mind
>To summarize, I was completely naive and ignorant
>Some time later, during boarding school I did meet some girls through friends
>Then I learned what fickle and deceptive creatures they could be - saying one thing and doing another, not following through on promises and engaging in public humiliation
>Needless to say this further soured my opinion of women
>This problem was further compounded by my mother
>She was an emotionally abusive alcoholic who deserted my father and shacked up with another man
>Years later I learned of the full extent of her betrayal after having been protected from the facts by my family due to my young age (I was around 10 at the time)
>So, taking all of this into account you can see why I was beating myself up so hard about my failure
>At one point, I actually got on my knees and prayed
>Lo and behold, 4 days later I got the message on facebook and there she was
LORDITSAMIRACLE.CHEERS
>Clearly I must have done something right
>Her name was........let's call her T
No I won't post pictures
>We exchange messages for a couple of days
>Eventually I comment that it'd suck if we only ever saw each other at conventions
>She asked what I'm doing over the weekend
>So I thought to myself 'Well, that was easy' and 'She's pretty forward.'
>I was attending a friends 21st that weekend so I said next weekend
>Make plans to swing by T's town for drinks in the late afternoon of Saturday
>I had to switch shifts at work and work through lunch to get there at a reasonable hour, but I was so fucking psyched to finally get a real, actual date that I would have followed Virgil through the pits of hell for the cause
>Dress smart-casual and fix up my hair. Aftershave, deodorant, the works. And gum too.
>Get to the station and not 2 minutes later she comes to greet me.
HOLY
SHIT
>I was absolutely blown away
>She was gorgeous - makeup, hair tied up, tight pair of jeans, low-cut vest top - the works.
>However I'd been psychologically preparing so wasn't as bumbling as I could have been.
>We went to a bar, got some drinks and played some pool
>Played doubles with some pretty cool guys
>We won after I sunk 4 in a row
>I'd had practice since there was a pool table back at my boarding house in school
>They joked they'd been conned even though it was a friendly wager
>She hugged me in response
>I'd never had a sincere hug from a girl who was romantically attracted to me before
>It felt weird
>But nice
>There was a good vibe running at this point, so we moved on to another bar for the next round of drinks
>This one had a leather sofa. Sweet!
>We sat but there was awkward silence.
>In retrospect, we both knew, but weren't too sure or experienced
>Being the massive pussy I was, I tested the waters by stroking the back of her hand with my pinky
Manly, huh?
>We started holding hands
>That felt nice too, in that unfamiliar way
>I don't remember exactly what I said, but she responded with "I'm willing to give it a go if you are"
>My reaction cannot be adequately described in words nor images
>The only thing that comes close would be to say that my soul soared on hearing the words
>Pictures the celebration scenes from the end of Independence Day playing in my head and you're not far off
>I told her in fairness that I didn't have much relationship experience but would certainly give it a go
>Unfortunately we were accosted by another drunk (this seemed to happen with supernatural frequency through the formative stages of our relationship) so we left
>It was getting late so we decided to head back to the station
>On the platform we hugged
>Bringing our heads back we leaned in and kissed
>I can't remember if there was any tongue
>It wasn't my first kiss though so I wasn't too terrible
>After separating I made some cheesy remark about how cliche it was to kiss goodbye at the station after a first date
>Train arrived and I left feeling like the universe was my bitch
>I was a god among men at that point and there wasn't a thing that could bring me down
>I don't remember how our second date went so I'll skip to the 3rd
You Groove
You Lose
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HqyEHqEYho
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MDDFKAvgYA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4VAdWJXyFk
>>565645909
>>565645940
whoops
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jx0lRaW5VCw
Anyone remember visiting a site called Freefootstories? It went down a few years ago seemingly for good, but the internet wayback machine... sorta has archives... It's mostly just the story indices though... Anyone have any leads on a way to read some of the old content? That place had tons of car crush stories that are hard to find anywhere else. Also general foot thread I guess?
>>565665002
>car crush stories
Wot? I'm willing to bump this as long as you explain that to me
4CHAN ADOPTS A CHILD THREAD.
Go here: http://adoption.com/adoptable-kids/
Find the funniest/saddest/coolest people and report back with link/picture
> pic related
can someone find me a kid that looks like tom cruise?
>>565670973
ill get on it
this is the best i could do, http://adoption.com/adoptable-kids/florida-jacob-28970/#
please take the child and move along sir
New trap thread
Continued from >>565651548
pic isn't me i just pulled it off of imagefap so i could post the thread
post traps!!
Pic is me, back from the last thread
No traps from Stockholm Sweden? :8
Oc from me
Well. I got raped by a girl last night, I don't care I got laid lol. But I am pretty sure she drugged me because I woke up 8.5 hours later with different clothes on, no underwear, and my room was a total mess.
>>565642496
She probably stole half of your valuables too
>>565642925
she didn't all she took was a flag that I have..
you probably were drugged, did you get her phone number or take any pics of her?
