Post the most humorous player deaths you can recall.
For me, it was in my very first game. DM had us chasing this bullshit wizard whos special gimmick was creating portals. He could create a few portals at will, but most of the time where the portal ended up was decided by a D20.
We eventually corner the wizard in a castle. Rogue wants to hit him with a special poisoned arrow so even if he gets away, he'll still be messed up.
Holy Paladin decides rushing in blindly and fighting him 1 on 1 would be smarter.
Wizard ends up in the dungeon, and hides in a cell. Paladin bursts in and enters the same cell.
Wizard opens a portal, and GM rolls the D20. Ends up that the portal opened to the Elemental Plane of Water, and infinite ocean begins flooding the castle, starting from the dungeon.
The wizard portals away, and myself and the other players escape, but the Paladin in his full plate armor drowns. Inside a castle. Miles away from any major source of water.
Best part was, the rogue ended up killing the wizard with the same poisoned arrow he offered to use earlier.
Many keks were had
I once played a game of Magical Burst where a player tried to protect themselves from a boss monster by putting up a barrier around their space.
Said boss-monster was one of those types who was literally merged with the environment and flooded the barrier with acid while the player were trapped inside.
I wasn't even being a jackass GM, I made it clear the other players could have helped her break the barrier in time if they wanted... but apparently abandoning their friend to avoid taking a few extra hits themselves was the better option.
A robot character player bought a ton of remote detonation C4 and had planned to use it.
Without letting him know, we filled his backpack up with the stuff and he went to negotiate with some nasty people. Unfortunately the BBEG showed their face and with lackeys at the meeting, and surrounded our guy and were basically going to just curb stomp and kill him. Right before that though the BBEG gloated and asked him if he had anything to say about the situation.
Our guy said something along the lines of "Man, I wish I'd gotten a self-destruct mechanism."
It was a bit OOC but the rest of us looked at one another and without another moment's hesitation triggered the detonator and brought the building down killing everyone there. The DM was pissed as hell but all of us, even the blown up guy who hadn't known anything of what we'd done, were laughing for like 5 minutes straight.
Either that, or the character that hit a tunnel roof while fighting on top of a train.
>>44049224
This is both terrifyingly depressing and funny to imagine. I'm picturing someone like slamming on the side of a fish tank as they're melting/drowning and the rest of the party being like "Nah, she'll be fine."
how do i get paid to dm
>>44048978
Be a grill and stream on Twitch
>>44048978
You know how every nerd dreams of hiring a bunch of prostitutes just to play D&D, right? The girls walk in.
"Ladies" the nerd says, "contrary to expectations, we will not be having sex tonight. We will instead be playing... Advanced Dungeons & Dragons!"
"What the fuck?" Tammy says "We better be fucking getting paid for this shit."
So, here's what you do, OP.
>Step One
Be a prostitute
>Step Two
Market yourself to nerds. Consider making your FLGS a little more F.
>Step Three
Nerds will then pay you to be their Dungeon Master.
>>44048978
Do it professionally.
>Banished all the original Terran XIXth Legion spess mehreens to deep space because reasons
>Years down the line, Raven Guard start having a bit of a serious numbers problem
>Thinks best solution is clearly genetic manipulation
>Ravens end up with most mutated geneseed not in a Chaos Space Marine
>This goes about as well as one would expect
>Finally loses his shit, fucks off into space, quoth the Raven "Nevermore"
Why is Corax so retarded?
>>44048975
Grief fucks with people man.
His Legion was sent to the forefront of the Drop Site Massacre.Which is Emperor levels of retarded actually. Send the sneaky cheeky breakie Beakies to a full frontal assault.He wanted to have his Legion help the Imperium so he tried.
I wont fault him for that. Corax is one of the more sympathetic Primarchs in my eyes.
>>Banished all the original Terran XIXth Legion spess mehreens to deep space because reasons
Its because they were too brutal. But at least he made the Carcharodons eventually.
>>44049209
>But at least he made the Carcharodons eventually
Space Sharks are confirmed loyalist Night Lords.
Out of the three following buzzwords, which describes the worst type of Roleplaying character? Which is the most bearable?
>Edgy
>Random
>Kawaii
Edgy is the most bearable out of those three. At least one can be dark and brooding and goal oriented.
Random is the destructions of a goal oriented party. Kawaii is the disregard of goals generally in favor of being "comfy".
Worst: Random. You can have a character grow out of being edgy or being cute naive moebait, you can't have a character grow out of being a flawed randumb game-ruiner.
>>44048410
I'm going to say "random" is the worst. I feel like "kawaii" would be the easier to work with by a hair but I don't think I've properly encountered it myself.
This is the start of the story of a bunch of acolyte techpriests who had the gross misfortune to be assigned from their previous posts to a miniature space hulk, and then be charged with keeping it flying. Omnissiah help them.
Imagine, if you will, being crammed into a shuttle with fifty other assorted tech-priests and sundry tech-people. You’ve been told that you’re being transferred, by order of the Magos Juris, from the life you’ve known for the past several years - possibly your whole life - to another ship, because that ship’s Tech-Priesthood had fucked up royally, to the point of just barely avoiding being declared heretics, tech-heretics (and yes, in this case the distinction is important,) and/or traitors.
Everyone else has been told the same thing. You know absolutely none of these people, you don’t know where you’re going, but you've been given a dataslate containing a short and frankly, confusing briefing which contains the phrase "Obey the small notes" repeated three times. Then the rumors begin to reach you. The rumors that the ship is cursed, haunted, unlucky, a rusting space hulk which happened to mostly fly where humans told it to go.
Now imagine that, sometime during this clusterfuck, you were issued a flak vest, a laspistol, and a lascarbine. That’s right, you. Not a Mechanicus Armsman, not a Skitarii or a Crimson Guardsman. The tech-priest acolyte, charged to repair machines whilst chanting the appropriate rites of repair. You were issued body armor and two weapons.
Bewildered and bearing your newly-issued arsenal, you dock, and are ushered into a small bay through an airlock. A threadbare tapestry of the Cog Mechanicus hangs on the far wall, and you start to mill around, taking in the appalling state of repair of the landing bay. A hundred tech-priests, and assorted oddballs milling around the rustiest, most wretched looking assembly bay you have ever seen.
Welcome to the Occurrence Border.
oh boy here we go
>>44048143
So there we were, disembarked onto the worst ship. We were five, though we hadn’t gotten to know one another yet, and four of us stood out in a crowd of tech-priests:
Devi 'Blue' Solaria, Blue is a Voidborn teenager with brilliantly blue hair the color of glass cleaner. She looks nothing at all like a techpriest so much as a girl in a robe; in fact, she wants to be nothing but a girl in a robe; without the robe. Initiated into the Adeptus Mechanicus as a Factor of the Lathes, despite being nowhere near Calixis, so even naked, most people couldn’t tell she was a Techpriest.
Galforth: Galforth Ascher, Licensed Cyber-Mastiff Handler. A swole techpriest with a big robotic dog, designated A715-F but named ‘Friender’ by his handler.
Ivan Ivanovich Ivanov, a Lathesmaster from Calixis Sector, he’s been bounced from ship to ship after leaving the Lathes, now he's here. Not actually a Techpriest, Ivan is the guy proper Techpriests rudely yell for when they don’t want to get greasy and don’t have any acolytes on hand to boss around. His hobbies include speaking in an incomprehensible accent, referring to people as comrade, suffering from an abundance of semi-common sense, carrying a combat shield and giant mallet wherever he goes, and vodka.
Slick: Properly ‘Tauron McGreaser’, Slick is a techpriest of an agri-world stripe, and if you need anything at all related to agriculture fixed, or told to you (as long as it’s not related to scholastic lore,) Slick’s your man. His robes incorporate an 11.54 gallon hat, long leather duster, and chaps, and he has mismatched pistols holstered on his belt. Surprisingly sociable for a techpriest, Slick is fond of lho sticks.
Trebor: A standard Mechanicus-issued Technographer, Trebor has no problems whatsoever fitting into any arbitrary crowd of cogboys. His most remarkable features are the Feedback Screech he can generate from his vox, a backpack overflowing with clanking spare parts, and Voidborn origin.
>>44048177
OH BOY! MAKOS READY!
archive.moe/tg/thread/35228347/
suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Accidental Idol Crime Quest
https://twitter.com/Chromatikeikaku
As a NEET extraordinaire, you were not the kind of person suited for the outdoors in any measure. The Sun itself was an enemy. The wind and air slapped you in the face. Heat made the skin sweat off your awkward bones, and the chill of Winter froze you to the core. And that wasn’t even considering the crowds of people who lived...out there. Disgusting.
And yet, here you were - outdoors, in the cold, beneath a bright sun that conferred no heat and instead sat there, mocking you like you were sure all of those happy skiing folk were doing too. But you were out there nonetheless, being taught to “pizza” and “french fry” as a way to ski by none other than your very own idoru girlfriend Iori Minase. She was laughing at your inability to simply move down the bunny slopes, but there was no malice in her giggles.
“Come on, Protag! French Fry, Pizza, French Fry, Pizza!”
She was standing in front of you, drawing you forward with a finger. Still, you couldn’t really get it. You try to step forward and end up face first in the snow.
It tasted bad, or as much as ice water could taste bad. Iori comes over and picks you up, and the two of you move slowly and awkwardly down the slope. A few toddlers pass you to dig in the insult, as though they were salting a wound.
The bulk of your day went like this, with you failing to ski and Iori patiently helping. At some point you allowed her to go off on her own for a bit, and waved while she went up the lift to the top of a peak you would rather piss yourself than ever even attempt to ski down.
>>44048064
Cont.
Later that night as Iori slept peacefully, you tossed and turned. Sleep just wouldn’t come, and you couldn’t do anything about it - not that you ever had the best sleeping patterns. What you wanted more than anything right now was a smoke and some fresh air. You get out of bed and slip on a warm jacket and gloves and a hat, trying to be quiet so as not to wake up your sleeping idol. In the corner is a set of snowshoes, a set of skis, and a set of boots.
Which will you wear?
>Snowshoes
>Skis
>Boots
>[Write-in]
>>44048071
You don't "slip into" ski boots as much as participate in a life-or-death struggle to wrestle them upon your feet. Plus, they fucking suck to walk around in.
So, boots?
>>44048071
>Boots
>You are a young man named Lloyd from the frozen Northern mountains of Tordo, on the continent of Teege. After a youth spent learning magic, you and your girlfriend spent some time as bandits after your home was destroyed, but have recently taken a chance to escape that life into a legit one... As sellswords, admittedly, but it's better than nothing.
>Your exact goal will change from thread to thread, most likely involving some job or another you've been sent on.
>The questmasters are Octoling (myself), and Grandflaw. There's no particular rhyme or reason to who posts when, and sometimes one of us might not appear all.
>Character Death is always a possibility and sometimes an inevitability (this is Fire Emblem after all), but your actions can very easily influence who lives and who dies.
>Voting periods will last an average of ten to fifteen minutes, but this may be increased, decreased, or generally changed at any given moment based on voter turnout.
>The previous threads are archived on suptg. A link to the most recent (coupled with summary and a handy list of names) is pasted http://pastebin.com/bHLFSCr9
>Our update twitter is https://twitter.com/qmgrandflocto and you can shoot us questions at http://ask.fm/qmgrandflocto
>An up-to-date link to all threads currently archived, both for this quest and its precursor: http://pastebin.com/Q77ts75m
Shea and co. lead you to a small camp set up just a little bit away from the New Flight's own camp right outside the Ice Authority's capital.
Waiting there are a hardened-looking Ice Dragon (you never learn her name), some armored and tough-looking Icemen (Icemen and Icewomen are human representatives of the Ice Authority, typically answering to Ice Dragons in charge of larger regions, stereotypically viewed as little more than high-end hired muscle with a badge. These two men definitely look the part. You would soon find out from Gyo that that Nick fellow was the lover of an equally-gentle Icewoman who was killed, hence his personal actions against the Ymir Group), and a familiar childlike blue-haired Ice Dragon: Gyo!
"Ah, you're... Those humans who were caught up in Nicholas' efforts to rescue me. I wish we could've met under better circumstances, but how are you anyway?"
"Alright, actually! We joined those mercenaries for real," Leigh says.
"Marrius is dead," Une says, dampening the mood. "The people we're fighting killed him."
"I see. I hope you're not here out of petty revenge..."
You shake your head, explaining that General Yancy sent you to pursue them.
Gyo nods. "I see. A convenient excuse for revenge, then... At least expecting a paycheck at the end of this won't mean you'll do anything reckless."
The (MUCH) older manakete sighs. "Now's not the time for politeness, Gyo. We're here to rescue our leaders from certain death."
"I'm... Still uncertain about this, Kyure," Gyo admits, "but... it is my duty to protect our authority, black sheep of the representatives or not."
>A. Encourage Gyo to sit this out
>B. Agree with Gyo's sentiments
>C. No comment
>D. Write-in response
>>44048282
>C. No comment
>>44048282
>C. No comment
About to end a campaign, BB is a young powerful sorcerer who wants to become a king and yadayadaya. Was planning to have him become a Lich for the final session, but now I want something more... Obscure.
Suggestions?
Two liches. Boom. Also force one of the party members to take his place after the battle. (Their choice.) If they do not, the Lich regenerates. The Sacrifice is the only way to destroy the Lich's sacred item. (Dunno how to say it. Starts with an P.)
>>44047676
There is always the obscure, hidden, yet grand and powerful...DEMILICH
No but seriously why does this guy have to become something else to be a worthy final boss?
>>44047923
Phalacturie
Has anybody here tried running a game without a Common equivalent that everybody just happened to understand? How did it go?
>>44047456
Gufpet dno azijhe ev kturga sro drut pwik vnesp lom ebdi umbek truld og vleb.
>>44047456
ومضى على ما يرام، تجنبت المجموعة الأماكن التي لا يتكلم اللغة.
>>44047938
>>44047895
Whud av dho vavo horrk ulo avai dlavavk da kuav?
ITT: Unorthodox ways of using spells and items
What are some ways you've used various spells and items in ways that they weren't intended to solve your problems?
For example: casting Water Walk on a dire shark to force it above the surface.
Hahaha, I did the same thing on an Aquatic Vampire to kill it during the day.
>>44047426
Starving villagers had to pay taxes
Petrify the King
No more taxes
>>44047468
Handy spell, eh? Kinda like grease.
"Masami! Masami, wait!"
Too late, she's already ran up to the streets, leaving Mir and I alone together.
"Phooey." I cross my arms. That Masami, she always wants to take everything on herself and then expects other people to bail her out if it gets to be too much.
I am Kaori Itsukuma.
I wish I stayed home instead of chasing Masami
Unlike my reckless little sister; I'm not quite a walking whirlwind of destruction and selfishness. She's akin to a pint-sized tank.
So if that's the case, why am I worrying about her?
Oh, I know the reason why. She's still somewhere out there with Asai. The man who is building a giant death-machine to hammer our city into pebbles.
Unless Asai goes to sleep where I can manipulate his dreams, there isn't anything I can do to help.
I was captured recently for trying to track him down. If it weren't for Masami, I don't know where I would be right now.
"Mir."
"(Yes?)" She replies. I can see her form flicker in the light.
I'm not sure whether Masami's cards which have turned human count as my 'sisters', my 'cousins', or if they're even family at all. I'm just extremely thankful for their help right now.
Mir especially, she can turn invisible at will. I've tried it a time or two and it's never worked out for me.
"What's the plan to get out of here without Asai noticing us?"
"(Oh, I have that covered.)" Her barely-audible whispery voice responds. A warm, gentle touch grasps my hand.
Slowly, starting from my elbow, my entire body flickers into invisibility!
"(Neat, huh?)" I can only imagine that she's smiling. "(Now, just don't make any noise, and we can walk back home unnoticed.)"
>Hold on, I'm not going back home. I'm going to go find my sister.
>Let's just explore a bit before we go home, I want to know what the situation is about.
>Wait! I can find the real Asai! I just need to sleep on it!
>Let's go back, Quietly.
>First thing's first: text Mom and tell her that I'm safe.
>Other?
Archive: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com
Twitter: http://twitter.com/QM_CardHeart
Pastebin: http://pastebin.com/E9ZihSBV
>>44047415
>Wait! I can find the real Asai! I just need to sleep on it!
hi hearts
>>44047415
>>Hold on, I'm not going back home. I'm going to go find my sister.
>>First thing's first: text Mom and tell her that I'm safe.
What is your favorite race?
There are lots of obscure races I like (and a handful of D&D races I think actually deserve to be 'races' as they are meaningfully distinct from humans) but really the answer is elves, I fucking love elves. I don't even care that it's a trash answer.
>>44047297
Suck my feminine elven dick.
>This super ancient civilization was super advanced and built everything :DDD
>>44047000
>Humans are the strongest race
>Humans are the weakest race
>>44047000
Sounds like a good setting rife with plot hooks.
You some kind of faggot, OP?
>There was no super ancient civilization that was super advanced and built everything xDDD
>Party is exploring a place.
>Player who happens to enter a room either is not explicitly paying attention or fails a Perception roll.
>They fall into a trap and take some damage
>Whole group groans as if the DM has just tread some taboo ground or they just can't be bothered with this shit.
Why do you people even play? What compels you to show up at all if the concept of playing a game physically upsets you?
The way you deal with that is just check for traps incessantly, context be damned.
>giving them excuses and assuming on their behalf.
Maybe they're groaning because that dumb cunt want paying attention? Or because now they'll have to carry his ass about while he heals up or something? All I'm saying is massive you're wrong?
>>44046926
OP, post pictures of your players' character sheets.
Oh, you can't? You say there's no way to prove that you actually have a group?
How fortunate for you.
Sometime near the beginning of your party's campaign, they unwittingly assisted a fox spirit and in turn they sometimes get extremely odd luck, almost as if someone was playing a prank on their enemies at opportune moments.
>Beset upon by highwaymen, outnumbered 3 to 1
>Money or your life!
>Before anybody moves, a familiar looking fox darts out from the treeline, skips across the dirt road and disappears into the treeline again
>Highwaymen move to advance on your group
>Instead, they trip over their own feet tightly tied together with rope
Not enough to be an outright 'you win', but still more than feasible random chance occurrence. The group is suppose to slowly realize something fucky is going on, preferably with the fox as a calling card every time something happens.
What else might a trickster do in order to help his favourite band of adventurers?
Tip them off about an incoming ambush.
Give them not very useful advice on a regular basis
>>44046795
A little bit too one dimensional, but I like it.
>Party is relaxing at tavern
>Thugs start planning an ambush for their most hated nemesis, the Party
>One bloke in the thugs group drops by the tavern to pick up beer for his lads, starts bragging about their upcoming ambush strategy
>Whole tavern is quiet as the party absorbs this information
>Upon giving chase, the thug disappears into an impossible dead end alleyway never to be seen again
>Broken sign of a fox hanging overhead somewhere...
