Previous thread: >>27440375
GoogleDoc Pastebin Archive:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1aoh8YH3I0q78czAnb9mt_4h5jUeCUbivFV5WhAh935U/edit?pli=1
Old CrazyRain's Stories' Archives:
http://pastebin.com/C82B4dea (embed)
Mares goin' to war edition?
>something something anons in the trees
>something something that's racist
>boops happen
>>27465599
>Boop.
>Boop never changes.
>>27465599
>anon has to see his wife to war
>"With your shield or on it."
>You wake up to the sound of whimpering coming from your wife's side of the bed.
>She's rubbing her snoozle in her sleep again
>You sigh
>Another boop flashback.
>>27465648
>Anon was the one who booped her.
>He was captured during the war and reformed.
>She met him not long after that.
>>27465765
>She says she forgives you, and you can tell that she means it
>But the scars remain
>The lesson is learned, but the damage is irreversible
crosspostin
Continue plz
>>27463501
>"Princess Cadence? I'm going to ask you a couple of questions on the way to the hospital, okay?"
>>"K-kay..."
>"Okay. How many hooves do you have?"
>>"I dun' .... f-four..."
>"Good. Who is the current leader of Equestria?"
>>" 's Aunt Celestia.... an'.... an' Auntie Woona."
"Woona? Really? Uh, very good. Who is your husband?
>>"....."
>"...Princess? I need you to stay with me."
>>"...'s Anon'mus."
>"Ver-what."
>>"M-muh husband.... tha's Anonymous."
>"....okay. What's the date?"
>Hours later, Cadence requests Anon's presence in the hospital.
"Room 204-B, right?"
>"That's right, sir. Are you going to be okay in there by yourself."
"Yup. If you don't mind me asking, why wouldn't I be okay?"
>The doctor shuffles her papers and looks over a few forms.
>"Sometimes patients who have suffered head trauma can get violent. It might not be safe in there for you."
>You nod and go into Cadence's room.
>Meanwhile, the doctor wipes sweat from her brow, happy to have avoided another "gender sensitivity" course and two weeks unpaid leave.
>"Anonymous!"
>You're pulled from the door and into a pink and VERY affectionate embrace.
>"Nonny-wonny! Oh, I'm so happy to SEE you!"
>Many questions fill your mind, including: Who is this mare? Why is she hugging you? Is that a hoof you can feel squeezing your bum?
>The first can be answered relatively easily: She is Princess Cadence, the co-ruler of the Crystal Empire.
>The important part of that question would be that you have only ever seen her in person exactly one time, and she didn't even acknowledge you.
>The other two questions are much more important and you intend to find answers to them.
>Cadence pulls away from you and hold you out at arm's length.
>She looks at you with.... adoration?
>What?
>She closes her eyes and gooOHHH BOY HOWDY THAT IS A HORSE TONGUE IN YOUR MOUTH
>SLAM
>The door crashes open to reveal Shining Armour looking terribly sad.
>You really hope you aren't about to get beat up.
>>27465599
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JE4ILhcomoI want to die in Dash's arms while she curses the gooks who shot me
Hay, did anyone save that green where anon is prince and he is super strong?
>>27465630
Lick your finger then boop
Wet boops
>>27466103
>Deemed too cruel by officials worldwide, wet boops were banned after the boop wars of 1872 for causing too much snootle scrunchies
>>27466046
That Helmet band always irks me. It would be either "Dash", assuming that Dash is the last name, or "Dash R". I really want to like that picture, but it just annoys me so much!
>>27466009
Candence knows full well Anon is not her husband but is merely using the head boop to seduce Anon and get rid of Shining
>>27466124
>"We're on the scene of a victim of a wet boop."
>Feed cuts to an inconsolable mare being comforted by Anon
>"Tragic."
>>27466173
Serial booper Anon
>>27466154
>Anon spends his time with Cadence, slowly getting to know her
>Cadence has to act like she's in love with Anon less and less as her feelings become more and more real
>Anon slowly begins to forget that he's trying to convince Cadence that she's with Shining
>It all comes crashing down when, months into the "relationship", Cadence accidentally calls Anon "Shiny"
>>27466218
There was a prompt like a few weeks ago-Anon works at a desk job and assaults mares in his spare time until one of his doormat co-workers found out about it. Heavy maledom ensues.
>>27466141
For what it's worth (carlos.jpg), a lot of GI's in Vietnam customized their helmets with their own shit.
>>27466141
FTFY, friendo. Friendship is Magic.
>>27466154
>>27466250
But she wants to get rid of Shiny for that hot monkey dick
>>27466141
Pony names don't work the same human ones do.
>>27466334
You da beeeesssstt
>>27465599
>you see them monkeys flying from the treetops
>they swoop down and boop your mares one by one
>it's a fucking massacre
>you call the retreat
>too little too late
>soon you're the only one running away from the boopening
>dead end
>no, oh no
>your back is pressed up against a cliff side
>you're hyperventilating, praying for salvation
>that's when you see it
>a lone monkey sitting in a tree, high above you
>it gives you a feral grin
>this is it
>this is where you die
>you close your eyes as the thing flings itself from the branches at incredibly high speeds
>it must be eighty feet if not more
>you feel the wind pick up
>you can't help but open your eyes in fear
>the creature is right in your face now
>the boop to your smuzzle snuzzle rocks the forest, scaring away birds
>you watch your helmet fall in slow motion as you're tipped backwards
>oooh watcha say~
>then you find yourself laying on your back
>mmmm, thatcha only meant well~
>staring at that clear blue sky
>well of course ya did~
>the corners of your vision begin to fade
>ohhhh that it's all for the best~
>you had a good run, you did
>may you rest with your sisters forever in the halls of Nutella
>ripip, Twilight "Cherry" Sparkle
>you lost yours today
>and they will write your name in the history books
>as a hero
>a villain
>a madmare
>a coward
>or as just another byproduct of war
>but they will remember you
>and the fall at Boopenstand, 1961
A moment of silence, if you would.
>>27466499
Well, this thread has already turned into a shit-show. I'll get back to /mlp/ when September roles around and the children all leave.
>>27466661
K, see youtomorrow
>>27466661
>implying you can leave
>>27466661
>I'll get back
>implying you can leave
>implying you have a choice
>the ride never ends
>>27467044
The ride ends when the fandom dies. And its dying at a rapidly increasing rate; By next year its probable this board will be so dead as to be killed, the fandom's dying that fast.
>>27467055
>Implying a fandom this autistic can ever truly die.
We'll all be here forever anon, don't try to deny it.
>>27467055
People said the same would happen to Star Wars, and look at how true that came to be.
The ride never ends.
>>27467081
Star wars also had a good movie come out with the force awakens.
It wasn't doing so hot after the prequels.
Plus, Star wars has multi-gender appeal, my little pony is still stuck in the public mind as a 4 year old girls franchise, limiting new fan influx.
>>27466009
Gonna repost the rest?
>"Anon Y. Mous, it is with a heavy heart that I must inform you, that during a special ops mission behind enemy lines, your waifu and her company was caught and taken back to the changeling main hive".
>"I'm afraid there is nothing we can do to get her back. The higher ups have ordered not to send a rescue team this time, as the risks are just too high".
>"I'm sorry Anon, I truly am".
"Fuck your shit mate i'm outta here".
>"Wha- hey wait. Where are you going"?
Anon then walks all the way into the Badlands booping everything in his path.
After a dramatic bossbattle where he had to double-boop Chrysalis TWICE, he breaks out the lost little pones and returns a warhero, having defeated all enemy forces.
>>27467607
After dragging a dazed Chrysalis behind closed doors and shagging her until she had enough raw lust and emotion to feed her hive for a decade.
>>27467638
>Only a decade.
Is this going to become a routine now?
MIDNIGHT RUSH!!!
>>27468131
>>27468137
>>27468141
He He Those RGRE boys didn't even know what hit'em!
>>27468137
Source?
>>27468151
Probably the comics.
Oh holy fuck, are we doing marshmallow ponies again?
I can't decide who's worse: le kek boopfags or gunsterbaiting edgefags
I think both, because neither have any sense of measure.
>>27468227
What's your problem and why do you even have that saved on your computer.
>>27468264
I was booped too hard in VietnamYOU WERENT THERE
>>27461564
>Crazy tax laws that can't possibly work
>They work fine for the ponies because ponies are like that.
Bullshit magic, why not bullshit tax codes?
>>27461681
Pinkie likes the feeling of weightlessness from being tossed.
>>27461677
>>27462791
Anon's the biggest so he's the boss.
>>27461891
The tiniest of waitresses.
>diamond dog sees anon walking one day
>dog Freeks out
>anon is the return of master
>dogs are moms best friend
>all diamond dogs follow anon with religious obsession
>ponys think anon is just one of those crazy old colts that have a bunch of dogs because lonely
>>27468419
What.
>>27468431
Dogs are mans best friend
Anon is a man
Dogs worship anon
Give the dog a bone
>>27468419
Amazing story. Pastebin please.
>>27468419
>Ponies think Anon's lonely.
>Try to always keep him company.
>Follow him around when he goes out.
>Always trying to work themselves into any activities he does.
>Even when he's in the bathroom.
>"Need a hoof scrubbing your back?"
>"Remember to brush ALL your teeth, Anon!"
>When he goes to sleep, they climb into his bed
>"He's got all those dogs so that he won't have to sleep alone in that empty house of his."
>Diamond doge army is trying to help protect the master's house through all this
>>27468435
>A bone
>Not THE bone
>>27468452
That sounds like an amazing comedy.
>>27468227
We've been doing marshmallow ponies for over a month. Lurk more, faglord
>>27467510
sure thing bud
>Shining Armour sways on his feet as he witnesses Cadence break away from your mouth.
>>"C-candy vag?"
>Cadence bears her teeth and glares at Shining.
>"ExCUSE me?! That is 'Princess Cadence' to you. Not... not 'candy vag'. Just who are you, sir?"
>Wait, what does she MEAN who is he?
>....Uh-oh.
>UH-OH.
>Shining looks at you desperately, seemingly not grasping the situation just yet.
>>"Anonymous? Anon, buddy, what-"
>Once again, the pink terror interrupts.
>"That's PRINCE Anonymous to you, colt."
>Okay, you're pretty sure this has gone on far enough.
"L-listen, hey, wow."
>You squirm and wriggle and manage to free yourself just a few inches from Cadence's embrace.
"I can see my work here is done. I'm going to get out of here and let you two work out your differences, okay?"
>Cadence needs to figure a few things out with her husband.
>The most important of which is Shining Armour's status as husband.
>Cadence doesn't agree; she magically tugs you back into her arms and gives you a kiss on the head.
>Shining Armour grits his teeth and glares at you with the intensity of ten spiteful, catty stallions.
>>"You step away from my wife, PRINCE Anonymous, before I-"
>His first mistake was taking an aggressive step towards you.
>Cadence sends a pillow flying and hits Shining Armour SQUARE in his face.
>"N-no! Guards! Guards, remove the white stallion from my room!"
>No need to bring race into this, Cadence.
>Ten guards burst through the door to apprehend Shining.
>Six more slide out from a bunch of hospital beds
>Four more leap out from behind some curtains
>One removes a lamp shade from her head and replaces it with a helmet
>Without pause, they (gently) grapple Shining Armour and escort him from the room.
>There's a long, awkward silence where you just sort of... lay on top of Cadence.
"Cadence?"
>Cadence sniffles and hugs you close.
>"Yes, love?"
>Oh boy.
>>27468555check'em
"Listen to me: You've had an accident and you've suffered a head injury."
>"I know; they told me all about the brick."
>Oh thank god. This saves you trying to convince her that she's not well.
"I am not your husband; we are not in love and we never married."
>Cadence gasps and lifts you up to look her in the eye.
>"How could you SAY that, Nonnies?! Of COURSE we love each other!"
>She lowers you down onto her lap and wraps an arm around you while she warms up her horn.
"W-wait! The doctor said you aren't supposed to use magic!"
>Cadence hmphs.
>"What do doctors know, anyway?"
>Wow.
>"Here, I'll PROVE it: this spell judges compatibility and returns a number as a percentage."
>She nuzzles your head and fires off a spell.
>"Remember? We scored a solid 78%."
>DING
>You look up at the floating number in the air.
>93%
"What."
>You sit there, stunned.
>Cadence, however, is thrilled.
>"Wow! Look at that! We've gotten even CLOSER since we got married!"
>This is bad.
>This is VERY bad.
>Anon must now convince Cadence that he is, in fact, not her horsebando.
>Shining inadvertently sabotages Anon's attempts by being passive-aggressive and spiteful.
>Typical colt, amirite?
>Shining gets his wife back
>Cadence gets her memory back
>Anon may or may not fuck Cadence
>>27468546
>Marshmallow ponies
>This is literal.
>Ponies make "Marshmallows" by chopping bits off themselves.
>The bits grow back after a little while, maybe a day or two, so it's a minor inconvenience.
>Eating directly from a pony is considered EXTREMELY LEWD.
>Anon only learns this when he and one/some pony becomes stranded with no human food.
>The ponies get Anon to "eat them out" to keep him from starving.
>"Eating out that candyvag" is only sometimes a euphemism.
>>27468589
>Changelings are just giant pieces of black licorice
>>27467638
>>27467607
COMMANBOOP
>>27468546
Yes, a whole month.
>>27468620
>So this other guy: he's a Boopinator like you, right?
Not like me. A QT-P2T, advanced prototype.
>You mean more advanced than you are?
Yes. A memetastic polymallow.
>What the hell does that mean?
Liquid Autism
>>27467055
I remember hearing this same thing 3 years ago. Unless you have statistics to back up your faggotry, then I guess I'll be seeing you tomorrow.
>>27468452
>there are so many dogs
>everywhere you look it's more dogs
>open the door more dogs
> look to the left more dogs
> think that's your bed? Nope more dogs
>they all look at you with a half expecting a command and half anticipating one
>you walk to the bathroom
>the dogs recoil in fear at the sight of the bath
>you close the door
>look in the mirror
>mirror is more dogs
>open the door
>door is more dogs
>you pick up Apple
>apple is a dog
>you throw the dog apple
Fetch!
>the world around you moves
>everything is dogs
>dogs run to get the apple dog
>you are in a mechs of dogs
Woof
>>27468785
Dogs are mans best frend
Diamonds are forever
Diamond Dogs are you best friends forever.
Wether you want it or not
There is no escape
Who let these dogs out
>Rarity is secretly a mare-dad
>Her magical lawnmower is overclocked to a ridiculous degree; its highest setting could tear grass out by the roots and spray dirt everywhere
>She has an accurate to-scale model of Manehatten with a functioning train system that weaves through the city hidden under her bed
>Any time she needs to cook something that doesn't need to be boiled, she uses her barbecue
>When Anon comes along, they hit it off
>They watch hoofball games, drink horsebeer together, get into heated debates over the best lawn-care, and they plan on building a deck for Rarity's boutique starting tomorrow, they swear.
>Ponies think they have the potential to be lovers, but they each see the other as too much of a "marely mare" / "manly man" to be interested in each other
>Regardless, ponies try to set them up
>Shenanigans ensue
>>27468979
Bin?
>>27469003
No bin. I'm p sure theres no story like that
>>27468979
>mare-dad
huh?
>>27469252
Acts like a stereotypical dad
>>27468979
>Rarity is Anon's Dad
>She was flung through time from earth into the womb of her ponymom
>She grew up to be a marely mare, kinda going with the flow
>Anon shows up in Equestria, flung through space into his house, which simpily fell through a sinkhole into Equestria
>There is still a big rocky hole in the sky, but humanity quarrantined Equestria because you don't fuck around with this sort of shit
>Anon is fucking around with this sort of shit, since nobody's risking coming down to stop him.
>The ponies promptly decided to make him the ambassador.
>The robot probe sent down the hole was a close second in the running for the job, but Rainbow Dash spooked a bunch of ponies into thinking it was an evil robot from the future sent back to build skynet and kill them all
>So Anon got the job.
>Basically he's keeping the pony nobles busy so the princesses and humanity can use robo-skype to do the real discussions without them fucking things up
>The only problem is the nobles haven't been told where Anon is
>They're still looking around Canterlot trying to find him.
>So Anon's really just living in ponyville as if this diplomacy bullshit never happened
>Other than the immunity to prosecution and paycheck, of course
>Rarity has gone over twenty years without seeing her son, and is quite shocked when they meet
>"Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where everything is -BY LUNA'S HOLY ASSHOLE, IS THAT YOU ANON!?"
>>27469264
>Anon is confused, just being there to order clothes
"Yeah, I'm Anon. What's the fuss?"
>"It's me! Your father! I've missed you so much."
>Anon is getting a bit weirded out at this point.
>Understandably so, really.
>A good ten to twenty chapters goes by
>We end up with Rarity and Anon building model trains and super-lawnmowers
>Ponies think they'd make a good couple, and so start trying to set them up together
>They aren't really interested in that.
>You could go so far as to say they are quite set in it not happening.
>But that doesn't make any difference, ponies being how they are.
>They're gonna ship those two no matter how hard they try to deny the obvious love they share.
>IA IA SHIPPING CHART FTAGN!
>>27469269
bread/10 I came
>>27469264
>>27469269
6/red: Too complicated, would recommend
-IGN
>Anon does something RGRE
>He doesn't know it's RGRE because it takes a lot of weird unexplained and backwards behaviour to make the leap of logic to gender roles being reveresed
>Pones think he's RGRE
>Anon just likes his RGRE task
>idk foal-sitting b/c pones a cute
It's like oblivious Anon except he does RGRE instead of not doing RGRE
> Anon is a model for Playfilly
> Often wears full suits, even in public
> Mares discreetly glance at his ankles, hoping for a glimpse of his pure white socks
> For some of his softcore shoots, he only wears 5 socks and nothing else
>>27468785
>>27468803
>>everything is dogs
N-No. Never again.
There is a line between funny and absolutely horrifying that I'm not willing to cross again.
>>27469470
>white socks
>black suit, red tie, white shirt
Rarity would cry about the crime against style committed here.
>>27469496
He's one step away from becoming a Blues Brother, anon. He's about to ascend.
>>27469496
>drug Rarity and kidnap her
>tie her up with leather and chains in your basement
>make her wear a ballgag to keep her quiet
>force her to wear ugly out of date clothing
>make it clash as much as possible
>she cries and acts completely degraded the entire time
>you make her wear early 90's clothing
>her mind breaks and she becomes your little anti-fashion slave
>>27469566
>Forcing fashionista to wear unfashionable clothes
I have never seen this fetish before, but I now need to see more.
I'm not sure if my interest is even sexual.
But i would love to see things where it is intended to be.
How would you even write or draw that?
>>27469495
Dogsplosion imminent.
>>27469586
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>>27469586
Maybe like an S&M club, but with fashion instead of sex?
>>27469566
Nor RGRE enough.
>>27469593
that picture is horrifying.
>husbando pillow anon in equestria
>when anon got transported to equestria his soul ended up inside a human husbando body pillow for the show "my big human"
>lyra the the mane neck keeps you around and refuses to wash you
>good news is you might be able to move on your own if her father dosn't wash you without telling lyra again.
Where the hell is LaP? I need to throttle that daughter of a bitch for piquing my interest in going to the gym!
Buck, my legs, they are noodles! NOODLES I TELL YOU!
I'm going to strangle that stupid mouth breathing parsola tipping mare if it's the last thing I do!Ponies go to gym for fun? Why!?
>>27466009
If nobody is gonna touch this again, I could pick it up. Update tonight is gonna be a doozy.
Don't wanna take the wind out of anyone's sails though
>>27470035
Fuck yeah, first taste was free, now I need my fix man.
>>27468600
>Black Licorice
Get that shit outa here.
>>27470035
I'd rather see more of your main story, but if you need something else to play with then I'd read the other as well.
>>27469495
Think less like the blob but dogs and more like the pack instincts are so good that they grab onto each other are recreate things like Legos but it's dogs
>Diamond dogs see anon as there master
>are very protective of anon he is a colt and they think he can't protect himself from anything
>very are perfectly obedient but to the letter of the command not the intention
>every time anon spends more than a few minutes alone they think he is trapped or held prisoner
>dogs to the rescue!
General goofiness ensues
Question!
If i have a story about family issues in RGRE, Can i post it here or in satyrs or in cuck?
It has kids from anon but not satyrs, full pony
And it has another stallion in a herd, but not sex outside anon's power - does it lands here?
>>27470227
>but not sex outside anon's power
I don't understand what this even means.
>>27470251
If I had to guess, both Anon and the other stallion are aware and consent to having sex with the same herd of mares.
>>27470075
Its an acquired taste [/spoiler]pleb.
>>27470274
Pleb tag usage.
>>27470274
Shit, fucked it up
>>27470227
No to all of this.
We want none of your cuck general bullshit in here. Go back to your dying general.
>>27470227
Fuck off
>>27470227
Satyr likes drama, feel free to post here: >>27466373
Gays like gay shit, feel free to post here: >>27419568 and >>27369485
Anons in Equestria can be posted here: >>27393037
There. There are four different threads in which to peddle your cuckoldry. Take your stories there or remake your dead general. Do not sell your shit-tier fetish pretending to be something other than a shit-tier fetish here.
>>27469269
>>IA IA SHIPPING CHART FTAGN!
There's no mimes here, you fool
>>27468227
Where are the "gunsterbaiting edgefags" on this board, anyway? Most of what I've read is either stupid marshmallow crap, fun shenanigans, or political machinations and trade negotiations.
Taking a quick look at the catalogue, I see flutterrape (consistently light shenanigans), Pony Prison (Marshmallow bullshit), and a couple of white knight threads.
The closest to edgy I remember reading is Ten Years, from the Momlestia threads. It involves a plot with the return of the Nightmare corruption and banishing it with the EoH again.
>>27470692
Isn't it great? If I wanted death, horror and corruption I'd just step outside.
>>27470692
There was a huge raid by gunfags few weeks prior.TabletopTexan also took part in it.
>>27470692
the mods keep deleting Submission is Mandatory which was probably the most consistent in its evil.
>>27470748
Oh god, I remember that guy. He turned into a big faggot when someone criticized his writing.
>>27470748
I thought /k/ was cool with /mlp/.
>>27470754
Based on what? That thread's gone literally months without any smut, with the evil things being someone negotiation for mineral extraction rights.
None of the critiques of that thread being evil have ever been representative of anything that's happened in that thread.
Is it the whole "BDSM is the work of the devil!" idea that radfems have? 'Cause that's in the OP, but there honestly isn't that much of it in the thread. At least not of the sexually explicit kind.
I used to spend a lot of time in that thread. I only stopped because real life went through a few crunch times and I'm still getting back into the swing of things as far as 'chan stuff goes.
The times the mods were deleting the threads, we looked carefully at the rules. The thread was very much within the rules, and there was no reason to ban it. It's more focused on worldbuilding, tone, and characterization work than on smut.
If you can handle the 2003 Fullmetal Alchemist anime, then you can more than handle the most extreme of the SiM stories.
>>27470835
They can use /trash/, can't they? I had the thing filtered anyway.
>>27470849
It's a story and discussion thread, not a porn dump. They're not breaking any of the board rules, and the discussion of the stories sticks to the thread.
The white knight general is the one that tends to spew their drama in other threads.
Why don't you post the RGR thread in /trash/? You can do that. It's not breaking any rules.
Does anyone remember the early proto-RGR threads? That stuff was often just straight-up inverted feminist rhetoric. It was angry. It looked like a purge of a lot of balled up frustration to me when I was reading it. That was edgier than anything I've seen elsewhere on this board, save for the odd shitty attempt at a B-movie slasher story that inevitably gets abandoned.
SiM belongs on this board, not /trash/. It has broken no rules, and none of the complaints against it that I've seen to date have had the least bit of veracity behind them. They don't even hold water. The dislike of that isn't based on anything related to the content, so it's got to be something else.
I'm trying to figure out what it is.
>>27470900
Whatever, dude. The mods can do what they like.
>>27470906
No, they can't. They have to follow their own rules.
>>27470835
I frequented SiM as well. I'm not saying SiM is not within the rules of /mlp/ but it is the closest thing to consistent edge /mlp/ currently has. that edge being a butter knife just means the rest is a marshmallow.
>>27470907
As if you could make them.
there are literally rules against complaining about 4chan policy. It's better to just shut ones mouth or go somewhere else.
>>27470907
Not really. It's a private site.
>>27470906
>>27470925
Found the mod.
>>27470936
I wish.
Here's a prompt I think is interesting.
>Anon gets hired as a live-in nanny by Filthy Rich
>Diamond Tiara is a brat, but the pay is great.
>He rapidly becomes aware of how badly Spoiled Rich treats Diamond Tiara in private.
>Filthy Rich pretends it doesn't happen because Spoiled could very easily throw him out on his ass with nothing
>Drama intensifies as Anon tries to help Diamond without losing his job.
>>27470936
Yes I'd have you banned for that.
>>27470946
>>Filthy Rich pretends it doesn't happen because Spoiled could very easily throw him out on his ass with nothingBut Filthy Rich is the one who's started his business from the ground-up, alongside the Apples.
>>27471029
But that's cuz appuls value business acumen, Spoiled is the current CEO in RGRE because males can't even, even when they can.
>>27471029
Pfft, as if the courts wouldn't favour Filthy. All he has to do is cry and pretend that Spoiled abuses him and he'll have the jury eating out of his hand.
>>27470946
I'd read this, so hard. Get a thirsty mom, coolguy Filthy, and double trouble cuties and you're good.
>>27471029RGRE is already AU. Why not change things further to suit the story?
>>27471119
>implying Spoiled isn't close friends with the local judges
Forgot to ask in a previous thread: any rgre requests to draw?
>>27471172
Nah, Spoiled wouldn't actually be attracted to Anon. She'd put on the charm to get him to think she's a good person when she really isn't.
Filthy would be either unaware of how she treats Diamond or willfully ignoring it out of self-preservation.
>>27471182
>RGRE is already AU.
>>27471221
Celly cuddles would be nice
>>27471221
Venus happily nomming a steak and von Shaft trying not to vomit.
Alternately:
Pinky hitting on Anon and Twi trying to magic her away
>>27471221
Miner mares on a break.
>>27471221
This >>27471267 please.
>>27471221
Twilight blushing furiously as anon takes off his socks.
>>27471281
>>27471267
Couldn't you try something even more generic?
>>27471221
Venus on a date. >>27471271 please.
>>27471221
>>27471271
Sexy pinky, confused Anon, and slightly freaking out Twi in Sugarcube Corner.
>>27471221
Rarity wanting to make testicle bras for Anon.
>>27471221
Twilight examining horsecock'd anon.
No lewd, mind you, just a closeup of her face, her expression, and the thoughts running through her head.
>>27471221
Seconding this >>27471338
>>27471221
Pregnant Luna trying to eat Venus
>>27471221
>>27471351
Pregnant Luna wanting to eat Venus, but being creeped out by that. Venus picking up on that vibe and subconsciously reacting to that, while still trying to be nice to her new mom.
All this happens at the dinning table while Anon obliviously makes breakfast in the background.
>>27471367
>You are Luna, and your daughter is looking DELICIOUS right now.
>Look at those flanks. Meaty and with just enough fat for flavour.
>You sure would love to eat her......
>UH
>OUT
>HAHA, YES
>YOU WOULD LIKE NOTHING MORE THAN TO EAT HER OUT
>oh god oh god oh god you're not a cannibal
>YOU'RE JUST GAY
>>27471415
>You are Venus, and your mother is LOOKING at you.
>Her pupils are dilating, her pupils are dilating, and she looks like she's about to pounce.
>Your body, in response, is shifting its weight and your heart is speeding up.
>Come get some mo. . .
>Wait.
>Is she sizing you up or SIZING YOU UP
>Buck. You're not ready for this.
>Double buck. Do you fight or maybe smile?
>NO. Show no weakness, establish dom-
"Daaaaaad, hurry up. Mom and I are hungryyyyyyyy."
>>27471439
>You are Anon, and you're stalling for time.
>You've raised an alicorn and you have a very close and very PLATONIC relationship with another.
>Also, you married one.
>You know all about alicorn pregnancies and what happens when two alicorns "share" a male.
>Even if that male is one alicorn's lover and the other alicorn's father.
>Deep down in each of your family members is an instinct to eliminate the other.
>Luna, being pregnant, has extra hormones mixed in, which means that she probably wants to eat her competition and use her corpse to feed her baby.
>Venus, your daughter, has the need to protect you and establish dominance over Luna in a way that would be meaningful to the pregnant mare.
>AKA sex.
>Venus will try to prove herself to be the alphamare in this relationship and, thus, the ideal mate.
>If you go into that room right now, one of two things will happen.
>One; Luna will jump Venus and try to eat her.
>Two; Venus will jump you and try to sex you.
>You understandably want neither of those.
>Maybe you can escape through the window.
>>27471439
When mom's eyes start a twitchin' call dad from the kitchen.
>>27471547
>You are Celestia, and damn it feels good to be a Princess
>Sure, you miss having your sister around all the time.
>Yes, the fact that couriers have to go to her residence to summon her means that you handle more of the smaller fires that you and she used to divy up.
>HOWEVER
>SINCE you're a good sister, the best really, you always make sure she has a place for breakfast
>So on those mornings when she doesn't take her meal at the castle there are alicorn portioned leftovers at the table
>Since you are a wise and caring ruler, who neither wishes to overburden her staff nor ungraciously waste food, you take care of those uneaten portions
>A little exercise, andalittlemagicyoullneveradmittonofilly, makes sure that all that extra food only fills you out in the best way possible
>"Will Princess Luna not be joining you for breakfast this morning, your majesty?"
"No, I suppose not my little pony. I'll just have to call court early and go see her and my neice later."
>Damn, it feels good to be a princess
Promt
>Anon in a herd with rara, appol, fast, and twiggy
>Have kids with each of them
>They think anon is overwhelmed
>Anon is just peachy
>Some shits happens
>Need another colt
>Anon pissed beyond 9k
>Hilarity and shenaningans
>>27471853
Way to break the roll we were on, sucko.
>>27471853
Your prompt is ass.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPseOlTl7Dk
Another one:
>Anon, not having a cutiemark, tries and enters the army.
>Anon is a male, and for that, gets assigned as a medic.
>He seeks for sleeping ponies, bring them coffee, cuddles - heal them.
>He even cures very bad boo boos.
>Becomes Doctor in the front
>He is taken to a new area to help.
>He is treate like a mare without knowing he is a guy.
>Mare scared beyon their shit when they see how Doctor Anonymous runs in the battlefront in the middle of a pillow and bed sheets bombarding to save fallen ponies.
>Saving 6 ponies each go
>Gets scolted very badly.
>Mares praise the new mare doctor.
>Some of them start to develop feelings for the new mare.
Oh.
Oh, you're shitposting. My bad. I should recognized that. Carry on then.
>>27471981
>Mare develops pony-PTSD when she watches Anon take a pillow to the head and shrug off a blanket while he's putting a smiley-face bandaid on her scraped knee
>Anon is rewarded the purple heart for going above and beyond
>The ponies who attacked him broke the (pony pun version of the geneva convention) and had to go a whole week without a bedtime story
>War is hell
>>27471853
>>Need another colt
haha
i dont think so bitch
>>27472071
The Geneighva Convention.
>>27471853
Alright Anon, write it. I triple dog dare you to write it yourself.
>>27472191
Thanks Anon.
>>27471853
This was a prompt from a bunch of threads back, if i remember correctly.
>>27472071
M-muh sides...
>>27472071
>charging bravely through a crossfire of nerf darts to get to a mare trapped in a pillow fort with a scraped knee
>managing to just escape a bombing run of water balloons by enemy pegasi
>then crosses it all again, with a wounded mare on his shoulders crying about how much it stings back to friendly lines
>Anon finds pony war amusing.
>Laughs as little pillows and blankets bounce off of him.
>Literally smothered in blankets and pillows and crawls his way out of them.
>Singlehandedly wins the war, laughing the whole time.
>Ponies everywhere fear him, especially that he's a hormonal colt.
>Ponies diagnose him with PTSD, Schizophrenia, Mania, and Gender Identity DisorderYou hear that, transies? You're all mentally defective!
>None of the princess' doctors can cure him.
You are Sparky Twiggles. You've finished sperging out when you hear this and have calmed down. Wat do?
>>27472259
>Ponies tell war stories like they're war-torn trenches and shit
>They're actually one pony's back yard that they used because he invited all those ponies over to play
>>27472281
>dat spoiler tho
low quality bait
>>27472297
>bait
Pretty sure that's the truth, m8. Lopping off bodyparts is pretty fucked in the head.
>>27472297
It is a disorder that requires one of two corrective surgeries: an addadicktome, or a takeadickoffame.
>>27472331
Ok, I admit, that got me to chuckle.
>>27467108
And this series is doing just fine with a new wave of toys, possible side-series and movie. Yup its dying quick, fast, and in a hurry.
>Colorful pillows
>Soft Sheets
>Teddy Bears
>It's a slaughter
>Please ...
>Celestia ...
>You have to stop ...
>This is the end
>Never more coming home
>You can only sleep
>But you never know what you will do when you fall
>Pictures of soldiers with drawings made with permanent marker invade your mind
>Your tears are shed by despair
>The bombing was not scheduled
>Only a sound was heard
>Your unit leader, Copper Seal, take initiative and push you into this trench abandoned
>When you tried to recover, could only watch as several sheets and cushions covered the area of explosion
>Your friends had fallen in front of your eyes.
>And you did nothing
>Their voices while sleeping keep ringing in your head.
>Sweet laughter and smiles are painted on their faces
>The name of their loved ones out of their mouths
>And you just cries out, apologies, pleas ...
>Sorry for being so weak.
>Sorry for not being what the team expected
>Sorry for fail.
>You cannot take this
>Taking the little courage and wisdom that you have, you get up and leave the trench
>Positioning yourself among your colleagues, your friends, your sisters; Just wait for the sweet embrace of dreams
>If you drop a ... we'll fall all.
>Ah, here comes
>Closing his eyes and a smile, expect to feel the impact
>At this point, you can see all your life
>Your days playing and growing in Appleloosa
>Your school graduation, your first time with your husband, your ranking army
>Your Wedding
>Your precious daughter
>All and all ...
>Thanks...and sorry.
>For the first time in a while you feel that you have not felt since before you came to the army.
>Feel peace
> Ah, the sweet embrace of the sheets is warm
> They almost look like a pair of arms sipping waist
> Your conscience is clouding
> Your mind makes you feel that something is lulling you to your next life.
> It's something big, a smell of vanilla and wild berries
>You hear whispers behind the blasts.
>"... Little ... shit ... coffee ... tard"
>You lose your consciousness
>>27472229
Yeah, there's a few people in here that came over from cuck general that keep trying to get someone to fuck with their prompts.
>>27472473
fix yer engrish mang
All this talk of adorably fluffy pony wars makes me wonder how horrifying they'd viewpaintball battles.
>>27472590
Those were used twice at the end of Pony War Two. One of the greatest atrocities in pony history that should never again be repeated.
The country that used them is still hated for it even though they saved millions of lives and prevented them from being half way taken over by yaks.
>>27472633
I just want to see what would happen if anon after hearing this said
>huh... Back home we did that for fun.
>You are Anon
>"We need to evacuate you, colt!"
>And you are unimpressed
>You stare down at the little fatigue-wearing mare, shrugging softly
"And I'm sayin', I ain't goin. The dire bears didn't take this house from Granpappy Anon, The Revenuers didn't take it from my pappy - though, he did do some time after the lima bean incident, and that dimensional portal that opened when I used the dead indian's skull as part of my skeletor halloween costume sure as shit didn't take this house from me."
>You sip your coffee
"So, some tiny horse war front isn't gonna get me offa my land."
>She scrunches at you
>You give her a dead-inside(tm) look
>"F-fine. I don't have time for this - I'm going to mark you as a diffi-colt and get some more MPs to drag you ou-"
>You slowly start to shoo her out of your house with your foot
>"H-hey! I'm not don- You have to listen to me rant before you-"
>And with a soft *thump* you shut your door
>"Th...that's meeeeeeaaaannnn~"
>Great, now she's crying
>Oh well. Not your problem anymore - cause she's not in your fucking house
>You meander into the interior of your glorious heirloomshack, passing by multiple stacks of mail
>Ever since that mass-napping you were apparently a part of a few months back, things have just been getting weirder and weirder
>States of emergencies being declared
>Anarchy in the streets
>Drive-by compliments
>smdh senpai
>Though, it's not like it concerns you
>This is tiny horse politics
>You pour yourself another cup of jojo, looking out the window to your backyard
>And... a musical tune floats to your memory
>"This land is my land
>This land is my fucking land
>From that hedgerow over there
>To the firepit island
>Get off my front lawn
>you fucking hooo-oorr-rrseessss
>This land is my fucking land"
>Aaah.... excellent. The classics reall-
>*knock knock knock*
>. . .
>You swear, if that little niglet horse is back already, you're gonna say mean things to her
>You mean it this time
>>27472766
>*knock knock knock*
>You stand in your livingroom
"Who is iiiit~"
>"This is the Military Ponice! We have to evacuate all the citizens of Ponyville-"
"I'm not home~!"
>"Oh! Sorry to bother you then! When do you think you'll be back?"
"I'm visiting my friends up in Manehatten - so, 2, 3 days tops?"
>"Ok! Private Redshirt, you write that down and we'll just go to the next house. Thanks!"
"No problem!"
>. . .
>You didn't even open the fucking door for that one
>Wait for it...
>Wait for i-
>"HEY! TRICKING THE PONICE IS A LEVEL 2 BADDIE OFFENSE!"
>Yeesss
>Nailedit.handpuppet
>You open the door once more, looking down at the assembled squad of military horses
"Let's see. To what do I owe the honor of-"
>"Anonymous the colt human! You are hereby ordered-"
>You shut the door
>"....that is REALLY MEAN, ok? I just came out here to do my job and I'm feeling really attacked right now."
>Aww
>You open the door once more
"I ain't goin'."
>With years of military training, they scrunch as one unit
>"Nnnh... you have to! It's the law!"
"I thought we were under martial law?"
>"W-we are! That's why we-"
"So don't you need to know a martial art to paint me a picture as to what's going on?"
>"We...wait. What?" the Sargent pony says, tilting her head
"Well. There's martial law, but also martial duties - especially during the honeymoon-"
>"That phase ended long ago" one mare sighs, before getting the stink eye from her CO
"Think about it. There's also martial counseling, in case you and your squad are going through some things too-"
>"I just don't think you listen to me, Sarge-"
>"Eagle Eye, this is not the time-"
>"Well when IS the time?"
>"Wh-what's going on?" one of the newer, and smaller mares asks
>"Not now - Eagle, do we have to do this infront of Redshirt?" Sarge sighs, pointing to the newbie mare
"Well, I see my work is done."
>You, once again, slowly close your door to the sound of marital, martial strife
>Just like home!
>. . .
>You had a really dysfunctional family
>>27472473
"It's ok baby, everything will be ok"
>You say as you lull the little creature in your arms
>It is so easy this way, more space and less movement to trot faster
>You are Anonymous, and for the last month, you've become the chief doctor of the combat zone
>How is it that a pony can sleep in battlefield and you can't even sleep on you tend?.
>Being part of the pony army is somewhat funny
>You wanted to be a soldier in its ranks, but because you are male, were assigned to the medical area
>The pay is good, you get to knows ponies, travel to different places.
>The battlefields are never far from a city or town
>It is enriching
>It seems that is already asleep.
>Time to take your friends and get out of here
>Taking at 7 mares with you, you start to jog toward your medical tent.
>15 minutes later finds you in the temporary barracks
>Which it is a mess
>Several ponies are sleeping in various beds.
>Some sleep on the floor
>Others are holding each other while sleeping
>Hggggnnnnnnn
>YOUR HEART CAN NOT WITH MANY BEAUTIFUL SCENES
>A milestone side of your layer removes you from trance.
>"ANONYMOUS DOCTOR COMES WITH MORE!"
>"PREPARE THE BEDS"
>"PREPARE more coffee, more milk, more chocolate!"
>"DOCTOR We ran out COOKIES!"
>Leaving aside dramas, proceed to sink to deliver to each nurses a patient.
>They horrified faces are somewhat strange, why is that?
>Well ...
>Making a quick, you determine that there are still 2 teams of 6 ponies each outside.
>Fixing your coat and hat; You run back to the front
>You get paid to return, and that damn check is practically yours.
>>27472842
>You take another sip of your coffee before you hear a gentle *paf*
>...that's new
>There's some yelling outside, and when you open the door... the ponies are gone
>Huh
>*paf*
>....th' hell?
>*paf* *paf*
>That sounds like it's coming from the backyard
>You place your coffee down on the kitchen counter and make your way to the glass doors
>It looks like... there's...
>pillows?
>On your porch
>There are pillows on your porch.
>You slide open the door, stepping out
>"GET DOWN!"
>You turn to look at who's yelling at y-
>PINK EVERYWHERE
"Oh, hey Ponka!"
>You say, to her tummy
>"NONNY GET DOWN IT'S AN ARTILLERY STRIKE!"
>*paf* *paf*
>You reach up and gently slide the overenergetic horse from your face, looking her in the eyes
>She's... really concerned
>Her ears swivel at some unseen danger, and she lunges at you, pushing you back into your home as another two pillows fall from... somewhere
>"Get away from the windows! Shut the doors - lock them!"
>The mare turns to the open door, slamming it shut
>Her tail twitches as about 4 more pillows gently drop on your porch
>Then
>nothing
".....ok, so, I'm down to clown with pretend, but you gotta tell me what game this is-"
>"Game?! This isn't a GAME, Anon!" she rounds to face you, a scowl on her face. "Ponies are getting COMFY out there, and you think this is a GAME?!"
>You furrow your eyebrows
". . .ok you have about 3 seconds to explain what the hell is going on-"
>"Anon, listen to me. I'm in deep cover - I can't be exposed right now. I'll be tucked in for sure." Ponka starts pacing in your kitchen, and you grab your mug again
>Ain't lettin her near your sweet bean juice
>not again
>ah hell she's actually talking
>"-on Bon, but she's actually turned the general movement into a focused coup d'etat against the princesses. We HAVE to make our way to the castle!"
"Hmmmm...."
>On one hand, this is a serious game of pretend, and you're down with that
>on the other, it's a Friday - and Fridays are for laziness
>>27472946
Oh, sorry friend! You continue - I'm petering out for the night anyway.
>>27473032
No problem, continue.
I'm slow as a snail, continue, i'll post this later.
I could get more done later.
Pls, continue without a problem.
>>27470637
That's what they want you to think.
>>27472995
>>27472946
>>27472473
>>27472071
>>27471981
This all seems fun.
>>27472766
>>"H-hey! I'm not don- You have to listen to me rant before you-"
>>And with a soft *thump* you shut your door
>>"Th...that's meeeeeeaaaannnn~"
>>Great, now she's crying
Oh fuck, my heart
>>27472946
>Anon is a huge LARP nerd
>Tiny baby pony war is harmless
>Anon puts on a grim face as he medics as best he can, but inside he's thrilled that he can finally use all of those cloaks he has
>Specifically the nurs-MEDIC. The MEDIC'S cloak: Black on the outside and red on the inside.
>Made with real felt and polyester.
>It does not breath and Anon feels hot as hell.
>>27472766
>>27473286
Anon is one cold hearted bastard to just ignore a crying mare on his doorstep.
>>27473364
Crying pones is a weakness I think a lot of us humans would have.
>>27473364
ERROR PICTURE TOO SAD.
Need happy pone to offset crushing despair.
>>27473464
>>27473453
Thankfully, we're a tool using race and have learned to adapt.
>>27473353
>Face contorted in discomfort, sweat running down his cheeks, mares assume he's been deeply affected by the horrors he faces as a nu-MEDIC
>>27473464
Applehoers' strength must come from somewhere.
She's 400 pounds of ultra-dense muscle.
>>27472331
Its called a Lopitoffame you insensitive shitlord
>"Old Stallion Anonymous! Old Stallion Anonymous! Tell us about the war?"
"Old ma-I'm 27! How is that-" You sigh and put down your newspaper and stare out at the gathering crowd of young child-horses.
"What war?"
>The group of fillies and colts look at each other sadly.
>"He's gotten addled in his old age."
"Stop calling me-"
>>"Yeah! The same thing happened to my grandmother."
"Oh, for fu-"
>"The Pillow War of '15, Old Stallion Anonymous! You were a medic there, remember?"
>....
"Oh! Oh, that!"
>That had been the most fun, most intense pillow-fight you'd ever been a part of!
>Oh gosh, are they still pretending? You guess this means you need to play your part.
>The part of a reminiscing old veteran.
"One of the friends I made, a medic-colt, he lasted to nearly the end of the war."
>You sigh sadly and pretend to wipe a tear away.
"We did our rounds, bringing back the sleepy and the napping.... but he didn't come back. I found him a half-hour later tucked in to a cot complete with pillow and a blanket.
>A few of the colts in the audience gasp and cover their mouths.
"I remember one soldier-mare was brought in fast asleep."
>"No!"
>That was a mare's voice.
>You look up and find that your audience has grown to include a bunch of grown ponies.
"Mm-hmm. I tried waving a mug of standard-prepared coffee (four parts cream, one part coffee) under her nose, and she didn't so much as twitch an ear. I doubled the coffee, and all I got was a scrunchie snoozle. It took a cup of black coffee-"
>"Anonymous!"
>Twilight trots up to you with concern on her face.
>"Anonymous, I don't think this is appropriate for foals!"
"I-"
>You look around and see that your younger audience has either left or are being cuddled by their parents.
>But you know you have a part to play.
"I'm sorry I didn't notice, Twilight. I've been a tiny bit hard of hearing ever since I took that pillow to the ear."
>A single tear runs down Twilight's face.
>"Those darn yaks......"
>>27473577
Nah. It all comes from bullshit plot magic-she's only strong when it's convenient, but there are times where she can't even crack open a bottle of cider simply due to said magic.
>>27473607I enjoy these.
>>27473607
For your listening pleasure, play this as Anon talks about the horrors he'd witnessed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bVR-RDEc7g
>>27473619
Pretty much.
Sometimes AJ is basically the incredible hulk for a joke, all other times she's not barely any better than an average civilian pony.
Kind of like how fluttershy haven't ever been able to use her stare in any situation where it would actually be useful past Season 1. (Anything involving changelings for example: seems like mind control eyes would be alot more useful than cowering or running at them with a sharpened stick that you can barely hold)
Let's not even DARE go anywhere NEAR the time Anon was in a POW camp. He was stuck in that bouncy castle for hours, and was only fed chocolate pudding. OFF-BRAND chocolate pudding!
The enemy were shut in for war crimes- mistreating their POWs. Anon was a victim.
>>27473619
Great. Now I'm just imagining An RGRE like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Pd-N_utfyI
>>27473607
>You are Anon of last year, and you're being dragged through the mud by a couple of mares.
>You didn't think that make-believe would be this MESSY!
>"Nurse! Doctor! Whoever - I need help! I got a soldier here who is EXTRA SLEEPY!"
>Ponies bustle around you, lifting and carrying you over onto a hard table.
>"He's completely tucked in! Doctor, what can we do?!"
>>"Clamps! I need clamps!"
>Oh shit.
>You wriggle around and try to escape, but the blanket is wrapped up too tightly.
>It's just too wet and heavy from all that mud.
>>"He's panicking - get me a teddy bear and a mug of hot chocolate, stat!"
>You hear the sound of clattering and a shout of "Clamps!" before you feel a couple of sharp tugs on the blanket.
>Your the wet cloth is pulled away from your face and you can breath properly again.
>"A colt?! Gosh darnit, ponies! Who let a colt get that deep into the battle?!"
>>The doctor peers at you and recognition blooms on her face.
>>"That's... that's Anonymous - one of our nurses!"
"Merrdickk"
>The nurse shushes you and pats you on the head.
>>"He ran out of the tent to collect wounded - that was over an hour ago."
>The doctor shakes her head and goes back to work peeling the blanket off of you.
>>"Don't you worry, Anonymous. I don't know if you're too tired to understand me, but we're going to get you out of there."
>>27473858
>A few more layers of blanket are slowly peeled off of your dirty clothes, slowly revealing your face, your sick-ass cloak, and-
>>"No!"
>The doctor gasps and takes a step back, shock and horror in equal measure on her face.
>>"He-that's a pillow!"
>She uses a clamp to pull your blanket back just a bit so that the nurse-colts can clearly see the pillow squeezed up against your upper back and neck.
>A nurse - older and more wrinkled - sighs wearily and goes back to work fetching instruments.
>"What kind of monster tucks a stallion in, eh? I wouldn't be surprised if they stayed around to read him a bedtime story too."
>The doctor shushes the nurse and goes back to work, but this time slower and much more delicately.
>>"Don't talk like that, Nurse Turner. Not in front of the other nurses and certainly not in front of the patient."
>She slowly eases the pillow away from your body and throws it into a bag labelled "Tired-hazard"
>>"And here I thought we were at war against a civilized people. Nurse! Where's that teddy bear? Nurse Anonymous needs his comfy-womfies right away!"
>She works more diligently at unravelling you like some kind of bedtime mummy.
>>"And spice up that hot chocolate with coffee - he's falling asleep! I repeat, he's falling asleep!"
>That's all you remember before your eyes close and take a well-needed nap.
A portmanteau of Muh Dick and Medic?
I approve.
>>27473690
They found him with an upset tummy and clothes stained with chocolate. Any colt can tell you that those stains won't EVER come out.
Not from this clothes, and not from his psyche.
>Anon telling stories about how ponies would come to his house seeking shelter for nap-time and snacks
>Anon would wash their dirty play-time soldier uniforms and kiss their boo-boos and send them off back to "war"
Anon grabs several mares and stuffs them in a sleeping bag, then zips it up. It has a zipper on the inside too, but in their panic, they don't notice it, and soon fall fast asleep within the warm fabric.
>>27473965
Don't you go telling us about Anon's war-crimes, Anon. It was a difficult time and he did what had to be done.
Because of his heroic actions, Anon is forced to become horsemarried to royalty. He becomes the war-king of equestria, deterring all aggressors with his track-record alone.
The gryphons still insist that he face tribunal for war-crimes. As if that would ever happen.
>>27474016
Thousands of years later, Anon is a legend much the same as the amazons.
The royals will neither confirm not deny any of the allegations. Especially not the one that he's still resting under the earth, waiting for the next pillows to fly and the next water balloons to drop.
>>27474035
Celestia help the pony that puts a few drops of lemon juice into her water balloon before she throws it.
>>27474057
That was one of the more fearsome weapons Anon invented in his lifetime.
Conspiracy theorists still claim that Anon actually designed a weapon that threw multiple water balloons at a rate far greater than even an entire front of elite throwers!
>>27474057
>The ponies' pretend games overflow into his yard one too many times
>Anon decides that's enough and joins.
>Only Anon fills his water balloons with orange soda.
>>27474093
So what happens when Anon finds rubber bands and snaps them off at ponies? Is that considered crazy or on the same level of the paintball gun incident?
Now all I can imagine is Anon taking two paintball guns and going full Rambo on ponies or Yaks...
>>27474111
Rubber bands are like sniper fire.
>Celestia stands before you; tall, proud, and furious.
>"Anonymous! You have committed atrocities that include water balloons with drops of lemon juice; super-soakers filled with orange soda; snapping at ponies with rubber bands... you are to be punished."
>She steps forward and glares down at you.
>"For your war crimes, you must say that you're sorry and you must MEAN IT."
>>27474169
BUT MOOOOM THEY STARTED IT!
>>27474188
>/sun/ threads in a nutshell
>>27474188
>"I don't care who started it, Anonymous! I'm going to finish it!"
>the rest of the royal court has no idea what to make of this colt daring to argue against his Princess
>>27474169
"Anarchy."
>"Wha-"
>Before the princess could even finish her line, you rushed forward and plunged yourhand deep into her mane
>The jury gasps, and within seconds, the ruler of a great nation succumbs to your gentle touch and falls into a deep sleep
>You stand up, facing the little horses staring at you in horror.
"Anyone else?"
>>27474169
"I will only say sorry after everyone here realizes that they are blinking and breathing, as well as noticing that there isn't a comfortable place in their mouth for their tongue, and that their jaw has weight and are constantly holding it up. And finally, I ask you this question Celestia.... what would it feel like to stick a nail in your hoof and then kick a wall really hard."
>>27474142
>you are Sgt. Quick Shot
>your platoon is advancing on the enemy's position, water balloon in hoof and wing
>once you crest this hill you'll hit them with a surprise attack, catching them during snack time
>they won't know what hit th-
>hearing a loud snap you catch your second in command drop like a sack of potatoes in the corner of your eye
"UNICORN IN THE TREES, HIT THE DIRT!"
>all your mares scatter for cover, your corporal rolling around on the ground crying and holding her red snootle where the rubber band struck her
>your medic breaks cover to try to bring her to safety, only for another snap to ring out and rubber band catch her in the hoof, tripping her
>she lays on her back, crying for her daddy as her hooves flail uselessly in the air
>war is hell
>>27474169
>You pretend to look gravely at the Princess of the Sun.
>These ponies sure take their make-believe REALLY seriously...
"What I did, I did in the name of peace and sanity."
>Ponies learn that Anon was a comfort-colt during the war
>Anon just gave cuddles and head pats to mares
>Ponies think that Anon was brave for being a comfort-colt
>Anon doesn't really care
>Legends say that Anon escaped an enemy camp, leaving dozens of enemy soldiers tucked in and sleeping
>Anon goes down in history as a badass colt who braved through the war and remained strong
>only 50% of what's written is true
In reality, Starlight Glimmer is was behind the war
But all reached it's peak one fatal day.
Pinkie created the ultimate cake
Ice cream cake.
This was a gift from her husband, Anonymous
Ther marely stallion who survived the war.
That day was a day of celebration.
That was supposed to happend
But once Glimmer took control over the machines.
The event ocurred
The great ice-cream-cake bomb was created.
When they went to Canterlot for their honey moon.
She saw the explotion of her generator.
Ponyville is now a sealed area.
A lot of ponies and Anonymous got together, using suits, hot water and spoons to save the ponie still sealed way from their frozen a delicious tomb.
>>27474265
You monster.
I bet you'll remind them that their skin exists and that it's itchy.
>>27474266
>Anon is a legendary sniper known for his incredible accuracy and the extremely complex launchers he makes.
He just made pic related
> Anon is surrounded
> He gives the signal.and the ponies cover their ears
"This is the song that never ends..."
> If you commit enough war crimes, nopony believes a person can be so evil, and you get off scott free
>>27473989
>>27473965
Is he screaming "GET IN THE FUCKING BAG" while doing so?
>>27474573
kek
>>27474573
>>27474599
Ah yes, here it is.
>>27474573
>>27474599
>>27474616
I like to imagine Anon being a real cunt of a villain. Hilariously so.
>>27474265
this is some discord grade shit
>>27474278
>When Celestia speaks, she is unable to keep her voice from cracking.
>"I know."
>>27474709
I'd be buddies with Disco.
>>27474405
>"Anon! I've found another one!"
>You wade through the thick, chilly swamp of ice cream and help Pinkie pull a pony out from their neapolitan prison.
>Before she even opens her eyes, the mare's tongue is instinctively lapping up all the ice cream on her lips.
>Saltine crackers were used by the medical staff to numb the pain of the boo boos on the frontline
>Anon doesn't know this and binge eats his squad's entire supply(2 boxes) in a day
>>27474831
>"Dangit! How do addicts keep slipping through the medical exam?"
Meanwhile the exam is just a doctor asking "Do you feel alright?" and letting the ones who say yes pass. Sometimes even the ones who say no, if they're really insistent.
>>27474831
"I'm sorry. We've been eating sweets for three days and I was craving something salty like you would not believe."
>"Darn it, Anon! If you weren't our best nurse I would have you court-marshalled before you could say "what does court-marshalled mean"!
".... What DOES cou-"
>"It means you sit in the time-out corner for a whole hour!"
> Anon interrogates a captured enemy
> Sets them in front of a plate with a marshmallow on it
"If you don't eat this one in an hour, you'll get to eat two. If you tell my your side's plans, you'll get three."
> The prisoner manages after much gritting of teeth and sweating
> Anon gives them two marshmallows
> Idly plays with the third
"You, I have always wondered, can you really know if you are a good pony?"
> The prisoner doesn't say anything
> Anon looks them in the eyes
"What do you think? Are you a good pony and how do you know?"
> "I-"
> The prisoner loses their mouth with a snap
> Anon raises an eyebrow, and fumbles the marshmallow
> It fumbles into the dirt
"Aww, look what you made me do. This is just proof that you are a bad pony."
> "I'm not! I'm a good pony, and I didn't make you drop the marshmallow!"
> Anon smiles on the inside
> They're talking now, and that's all the opening you need
>>27475104
"Good ponies get piggy-back rides. Are you a good pony?"
>"I'm a good pony! It's me!"
>>27474169Is this the part where Anon opens up his suit to reveal several bottles of soda attached to his chest and filled to the brim with Mentos?
>>27474426
>While he repeats quotes of The End.
I seriously need this.
>>27475180
>You’re Anon.
>And these pancakes are fucking amazing.
>You have literally never had food this good before.
>Of course, you’ve never been aggressively propositioned by a pink pony before.
>Or been to another reality.
>Or had a daughter.
>Really, it’s just been a day of firsts for you.
“Sho, uhm, Twohloght-”
>You do your best to speak around a mouthful of rich buttermilk pancakes and syrup.
>And you fail miserably.
>Ah well, at least you caught her attention, she was busy giving her own breakfast the same treatment.
>Swallowing, you idly gesture at her with a forkful of pancakes.
“So Twilight, I have a few questions. Serious questions.”
>You glance around for that pink spook.
>You don’t see her, but that’s no guarantee of safety . . .
>Twilight gargles out something indistinct around pancakes, and you can’t help but chuckle a bit.
>You’re not sure if you’re finding resemblance where it doesn’t exist, or if she really takes after you that much.
“Swallow first, then try again.”
>You think you hear a faint “That’s what he said” from the kitchen, but you’re not quite sure.
>She swallows hard, turning a bit red before looking up at you with that slightly guilty expression she was wearing back at the library.
>”Yes?”
>God that’s cute . . . the faint blush, the eyes that meet yours for a moment before looking down and away, the way she sits with her front hooves between her back legs, fidgeting a bit.
>Makes you want to ruffle her hair again.
>>27476213
>This isn’t the time for that though, now is a serious time, for serious questions.
“Why are we not disclosing the nature of our relationship?”
>You lean in a bit as you say it, lowering your voice to a whisper.
>You swear she turns a shade redder.
“It’s because I’m human, right?”
>You thought she might have been a bit flustered before, but now she’s definitely bright red.
>”W-what? No! That’s-”
>She leans in close enough to you that you can smell the maple syrup on her breath.
>”That’d be super, super racist . . . it’s just . . .”
>She leans away from you, and starts to tap her forehooves together.
>Her eyes seem to dart around the room, looking at anything and everything other than you.
>”It’s just that my mom’s . . . husband . . . might not take kindly to you being around. Or existing.”
“Oh.”
>The taste of the breakfast sours in your mouth.
>Unbelieveable.
>Just . . . you don’t know what to do with this right now.
>First there was the dimension hopping, then finding out you committed sodomy with a horse, then finding out you spawned a talking unicorn, now it turns out you’re a goddamn homewrecker.
>You close your eyes and let out a long sigh.
>This was so not your day.
>You were excited you wouldn’t have to close when you woke up this morning.
“I’m gonna take a walk. Just, around. I can find my way back to the Library. It’s the only building in town that’s a tree. I just need some time to think.”
>You step out of the booth and head for the door. Not like you have any money to pay the bill anyway.
“Just, why exactly did you decide to bring me here then?”
>Your tone isn’t exactly friendly, but it isn’t harsh. It’s an honest question, what exactly made her think this was a good idea?
>You don’t wait for a reply.
>>27476218
>You run your hands through your hair as you walk out the front door of “Sugarcube Corner.”
>This such bullshit. Of all the bull to ever be shat, this is the most that has ever been compressed into a single day.
>At least for you. You can’t really say that you’re mad at Twilight, because this obviously wasn’t her fault.
>You feel . . . guilty.
>But, you’re mad too.
>You’re mad because you feel guilty for this entire debacle, when you really don’t think it’s your fault.
>You didn’t go in wanting to screw some guys wife.
>You didn’t decide to knock her up.
>It’s only been one day, but you got attached to Twilight almost instantly.
>She has so many of the same little mannerisms as you.
>You don’t really know why, but she’s just as cute as a button to you.
>You never would have believed it if someone told you that you’d think of a pony as ‘cute as a button’, but here you are.
>You haven’t been paying all that much attention to where you were walking, but it’s not like you were super concerned about walking into a bad neighborhood.
>You got a few wolf . . . erm, pony whistles, but that’s it.
>Neigh-borhood.
>Pony-whistle.
>Fucking horsepuns.
>What the fuck was up with the clouds? Why is it so goddamn dark all of a sudden?
>>27476213
>>27476218
Funny thing, I agree with Twi's mom. If my son was marrying some fucking alien I'd punch him straight in the mouth. Humans only, you goddamn xenophile pieces of shit.But pony porn is different than being married to one.
>it's an Amphetanon update
YES
>>27476223
>You are now the whitest Princess.
>Also the most tea loving Princess.
>The most clerically savvy Princess.
>The tallest Princess.
>Arguably the best Princess, if you said so yourself.
>The top sun, if you will.
>And now that you’re done being smug, you really need to get Luna to calm down.
>”-felt it. Trust in my words and experience, sister. Thou hasn’t dabbled in the darker arts as we have, you have not tread the dark and lonely paths to power that oft seduce the overly ambitious. Ponyville is in dire need of our assistance. Something from beyond the veil has reached out, and ensared that place in its unholy grip.”
>You take a poised, elegant sip of tea.
“Twilight will handle it.”
>Ruling really became so much easier after you decided to delegate that ‘Element of Harmony’ business to some other ponies.
>Honestly, you don’t know how you managed with it before.
>You could barely get in a massage, a brunch, and 2 naps a day in when you handled it all yourself.
>Some days you had to skip the second nap!
>Luna lets out an exasperated huff.
>”Sister, while we understand that you place great trust in your student, we believe that her yearning for knowledge has been her undoing. We fear that she has summoned something in her research, whether in a bid for power, or out of unbridled curiosity we can’t be sure, but we can be sure that things that are not of this realm walk amidst the citizenry of Ponyville!”
>She punctuates this last statement with a stomp of her hoof.
>You take another sip of tea.
>>27476231
“Luna, this is simply not worth getting worked up over. Twilight and her friends have-”
>Luna interrupts you by shattering the stone beneath her front hooves.
>”SISTER. THOU WOULD DO WELL TO HEED MY WARNING. YOUR PUPIL CANNOT BOTH BE THE SOURCE AND SOLUTION OF THIS CALAMITY.”
>Small pebbles begin to float up off the ground around her.
>Her eyes begin to glow white as an eldritch wind begins to blow through the throne room.
“I bet you a week's desert it takes care of itself.”
>”W-what?”
>Everything clatters back to the ground as Luna reverts to her normal state, albeit slightly more confused than usual.
>You take a well earned smug sip of tea.
>Oh yeah. Definitely best princess.
>>27476237
>You are the purplest librarian in all of Ponyville.
>And you kinda feel . . . bad.
>Awful.
>He had a point.
>Why did you bring him here?
>There really isn’t anything good that would come of it.
>Your mother . . . well, she may have had a point.
>Statistically speaking, the odds of this ending well were extremely slim.
>Between the interdimensional summoning, the secret keeping, and unknown alien entity suddenly introduced to a wholly different society, there were at least a dozen disasters primed to happen.
>Night Light . . . no, your dad . . . was a good dad.
>He tucked you in at night when you were little, cheered you on at your mathematics competitions when you were little, read you stories at night when you couldn’t sleep, and packed your lunch every single day you went to school.
>You didn’t need a new dad.
>And you certainly didn’t want to break up your family.
>Was it raw curiosity?
>Was it that obsession to know everything about . . . everything that got you into this?
>Or was it the fact that you just . . . did it. You never really even questioned why you were doing it, you just jumped into it and thought it was all going to turn out fine.
>You rest your head on the table with a thud.
>>27476243
>”Twilight . . .”
>A familiar hoof comes to rest on your withers.
>”Are you okay?”
>You meet a set of brilliant cerulean eyes, framed by pink, and set just above a very concerned looking frown.
“Yeah Pinkie . . . I just . . . I might have made a mistake.”
>Pinkie chuckles as she slides into the booth across from you.
>”Listen, I think you dodged a bullet with that colt. Any kind of colt that wears matching socks and underwear to breakfast . . . well either they’re a hell of a party colt . . . or a complete slut.”
>L-lewd . . .
“Nonono Pinkie . . . it’s nothing like that. He’s . . . well he’s a friend of the family.”
>That wasn’t entirely a lie . . . you’d like to think he was your friend, and you were a member of your family.
“I kinda brought him here, but now I don’t really know if it was the best thing to do. He traveled a long, long way, and-”
>Pinkie cocks her head to the side, her pink, cotton candy mane bobbing in front of her face.
>”So . . . he’s fair game?”
>You blink dumbly.
>”Because . . . I was lying about what I said earlier, that colt was so hot I was afraid the fire alarm was gonna go off. Seriously . . . all those clothes . . . and I mentioned the matching socks and underwear right? Pinkie sense tells me a great many things about that one . . .”
>She waggles her eyebrows at you.
>She breaks into a wide grin, and you can’t help but mirror the expression as you roll your eyes.
“Seriously Pinkie? You’re a hound.”
>”Hey, gotta chase if you’re gonna catch any.”
>Celestia bless this crazy pink girl.
>She knew how to brighten your spirit, and was a total sis about it.
>The sound of rolling thunder shakes you from your thoughts suddenly.
>Apparently, it caught Pinkie’s attention too, as she glances out at the rapidly darkening skies.
>”Weird . . . I thought they moved up the storm and had it last night instead . . .”
>>27476251
>That’s when you noticed the bright green wave of fire rolling through the marketplace.
“Oh crud.”
gluebox
http://pastebin.com/4FTQmPf8
Aight, I really have to figure out how to update before 2 AM.
Also, gonna try and update again soon. It'd be a shit thing to leave a cliffhanger and then die for a week.
>>27476276
>Also, gonna try and update again soon
quote from man ded
>>27476276
>>27476279
so is amphetanon kill again?
>Princess Luna wants to learn how ponies would fare against humans in battle.
>Proposes to run a combat scenario in a shared dream with Anon and the Wonderbolts.
>Anon is allowed to dream up a human air force to attack the Wonderbolt headquarters and disable the runway.
>Anon doesn't want to hurt tiny horse feelings, just thinks up the most harmless thing possible.
>Wonderbolt HQ is attacked by a slow as fuck zeppelin armed with flour bombs.
>Spitfire and the mares make Soarin' hang back as backup as they charge straight at it.
>Soarin' watches in horror as they ram through the gasbag, causing the zeppelin to crash and burst into flames on the runway.
>Tries to put it out with a raincloud, the flour bombs mix with the water and the heat causes the dough to rise, trapping the mares in a sticky pastry inferno.
>Luna ends the dream, Soarin' wakes up screaming.
>No amount of cuddles, belly rubs or ear scratches can comfort the poor colt.
>Soarin' can never eat a pie again without breaking down into tears as he imagines his friends getting baked into the crust.
>Anon just stands in awe of how badly the Wonderbolts fucked up.
>Luna never asks about human warfare again.
>>27476303
fucking kek
>>27476303
>>Luna never asks about human warfare again.
Now that's a version of Top Gun I'd be willing to suffer through a shitty romance subplot for
>>27476303
>everything is burning
>ponies are on fire
>everyone who isn't on fire is screaming
>luna is panicking and prancing in place
>anon off to the side watching everything go down with a confused, dumbstruck face mouthing 'what the fuck'
The perfect mental image.
>>27476303
>>27476318
Oh god, I know it would be edgy as fuck, but something like that except Anon actually thinks up modern airforce planes, napalm, etc. and ponies go catatonic or whatever.
>>27476346
Instill such a deep, primal fear of humanity into them so as they never even think of attempting to do battle with us, only extending a branch in friendship.
