Adventure Thing, part 2
- Home
- Board: /v/ - Video Games
- Reading: Adventure Thing, part 2
Oh shit nigger, you're a Barbarian.
After raiding a random peasant village, you've been instructed to rest. What do you do?
>>315609876
Whack some moles
>>315609876
Punch self in face
Punch face in self
>>315609876
Fire punch your face
>>315609876
"politely" Knock on the inn's door to get the innkeepers attention
>>315609876
Dont rest
>>315609935
And so you did
>>315610009
Politely knock on face, with fist.
>>315610181
punch your face with a mole
>>315610181
HARDER
>>315610181
Eat mole
>>315610181
Softer?
>>315610181
Kiss the mole
>>315610181
Now call Barbarian god Lacthus ask him what to do ... wait is that tree looking at you funny?!
>>315610204
And so you punched your face wwith a mole
>>315610397
Check your barbarian schedule
>>315610397
Eat it
>>315610397
burn mole with your burning finger and eat it
>>315610397
chill out
>>315610457
Mole eaten, +10 HP
>>315610583
Check your to-do list
>>315610583
go travel to nearest huge city Canon
>>315610583
enough rest, time to do barbarian shit
>>315610583
check the village for some food
>>315610583
add mole's skull to your outfit
>>315610648
You and your fellow barbarians haved raided this village, but somehow missed a warehouse, maybe there's some in there.
Enter the warehouse?
>>315610774
Wear mole skin as armor, become mole warrior.
>>315610774
yesit's a hidden dungeon
>>315610774
Kick the door 360
>>315610774
Yes. We get a prompt asking us to bring two party members
>>315610774
spin punch the door
>>315610867
It is no match for your mighty barbarian strength
>>315611090
Jump kick it with your fish hammer
>>315611090
We are entering PEASANT WAREHOUSE. Two party members are needed to proceed
>>315611090
Use your mighty barbarian vision to scan the warehouse for anything precious(ALCOHOL) or moving.
>>315611090
reveal hidden dungeon
>>315611090
Kill the Hungry Burger
>>315611187
Barbarian vision activated
>>315611415
HIDDEN DOOR
OPEN THAT HIDDEN DOOR
>>315611415
HIDDEN DOOR
>>315611415
Pee in alcohol
>>315611415
Loot the place then go through the door. A prompt appears, asking us to bring two party members with us
>>315611415
Drink as much Wine as possible first.
>>315611415
Go to the hidden door BUT get a barrel of wine with you a Barbabian thirst is no joke.
>>315611449
Ah yes, a door hidden under two empty crates.
What could this passage hold? A secret dungeon? A bonus boss? More food? Or maybe it's just an empty cellar
>>315611623
As soon as you try to open it, you get a PROMPT ASKING YOU TO BRING TWO PARTY MEMBERS
I WILL GET THIS FUCKING ROLL
>>315611623
KICK THE FUCKING DOOR
>>315611623
WE BARBARIAN ISAAC NOW
>>315611623
it could be anything
punch the shit out of the door and go in
>>315611623
GESPENSTO KIIICKU
>>315611696
YOu punched the door.
It's dark down there
>>315611838
A prompt appears, telling us we need to get two party members before we can proceed
>>315611838
DIVE IN
>>315611838
burning finger activate
>>315611838
no worries, you got fire fist
JUST DO IT
>>315611838
Use burning finger in a constant motion, so that we can see what's down there.
>>315611838
Magical dimension with necromancer doing laundry
>>315611838
ACTIVATE BARBARIAN NIGHT VISION
Scan the zone around you.
>>315611838
light a crate on fire and throw it down there
>>315612067
You meet a Dickass Thief and an Apprentice Wizard.
>>315612067
Summon semen demon and skelebro
>>315612067
fine, what choices do we havecan we have a little girl healer and a paladin?
>>315612067
Use the barrels of wine and crate of food to throw a barbarian party
>>315612067
Suddenly Skelebro appear behind you.
>>315612067
Milfy the sorceress.
>>315612097
You're a barbarian, silly. You don't know how to do that.
>>315612175
then recruit anyone from your barbarian army/tribe/whatever
>>315612175
Get or find them dammit
>>315612175
Go find Chad and make amends
>>315612175
dismiss and go in further
>>315612175
Punch the shit out of prompt. We lone wolf now.
>>315612175
Go recruit the skeleton of the mole you ate.
>>315612175
Go recruit shaman who totally knows what hes doing
>>315612175
Go outside and look for people to recruit
>>315612175
Punch the prompt.
>>315612229
HAH
>>315612175
We just pillaged a village, where are our barbarian chad and chief?
SUMMON THE HOLY PALADIN LEV
>>315612175
You punch the prompt but it's actually an eldritch abomination breaking the 4th wall to try to catch the barbarian off guard
>>315612229
The Prompt was promptly dismissed
>>315612418
JUMP IN THE CELLAR ALREADY
GO
>>315612418
DIVE INTO THE HOLE
>>315612284
we no need for no party
Canon works alone
>>315612418
good. explore the dungeon
>>315612418
It promptly punches you.
>>315612175
call your companions, latently gay barbarian archer and nerdy barbarian wizard
>>315612418
Equip prompt as a weapon.
>>315612418
Based Barbabian.
Now use your Barbabian night vision to scan the cave.
>>315612418
Now do a hand stand!
>>315612418
The hungry burger lies within, kill it
>>315612175
punch the okay button and sneak in while the prompts back is turned
>>315612317
Most likely celebrating by raping peasant women
>>315612418
Punch helicopter your way down
>>315612418
The prompt runs off and tells the basement's resident Evil Giant Monster of your wrongdoings
>>315612418
FUCK SHIT UP
>>315612332
>>315612332
>>315612332
SUMMON LEV PLSSSS
>>315612418
Apologize to the prompt and recruit it as a party member.
>>315612418
Fire finger a wooden post so that we can see the area.
>>315612489
Suddenly you hear a terrible roar from the darkness
>>315612685
Boss Paladin appears and kills the darkness.
>>315612685
Punch the darkness
>>315612685
the barbarian links the last thread
>>315612685
boss is actually a little girl demon
>>315612685
Roar and puck the shit out of the darkness.
>>315612685
Roar louder to assert your dominance.
>>315612685
Use Burning Finger to light up the night
>>315612685
FUCK SHIT UP?
>>315612685
Looks like its time to light up the night
also your fists
>>315612717
>>315612712
these desu
>>315612685
eat the darkness
>>315612685
"Y-You t-too"
>>315612685
Look down.
>>315612748
You find the monster
>>315612717
http://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2A
https://www.mediafire.com/folder/ici3zlnn9ytyy/ADVENTURES
>>315612941
speak to the monster
>>315612941
Hey there sexy
>>315612941
Punch him in the boner.
>>315612941
punch his teeth out
>>315612941
Stay perfectly still, it's vision is based on movement.
>>315612941
Insult him.
>>315612941
"Nice teeth, mine are better."
>>315612941
suddenly the monster is killed by the dungeons true bossan impossibly cute kitten
>>315612941
Punch his stupid skeleton face
>>315612941
Ponder if it's a floating head with floating hands, or a head attached to a massive body.
>>315612941
ask it if it knows of any rockin parties going on tonight
>>315613039
This adventure has been brought to you by ColdGate Brutal, the number one toothpaste reccomended by barbarians. Keep your teeth clean, even when crushing your enemies and see them driven before you.
>>315613305
SHINE THEM PEARLIE WHITES
>>315613305
the monster is temporarily blinded by your perfect shining teeth
>>315613305
try to negotiate with the mostah
>>315613305
Challenge him to a rock off.
>>315613305
Monster hits us with the spinning backhand
>>315613305
Now bite something off of him
>>315613305
abandon your barbarian ways and become a librarian
>>315613358
It accepts your challenge.
The monster throws a huge rock at you
>>315613545
take it like a man would
>>315613545
throw a huge FLAMING rock back at him
>>315613545
Monster slams his hand down on rock, crushing us further
>>315613545
Use your axe to show him the true power of rock.
>>315613545
"That's not how you start a rock off!"
>>315613545
Counter with a bigger rock.
>>315613545
Throw an even bigger rock back
>>315613545
Show him how to get stoned properly.
>>315613545
BITE THAT PUNY ROCK INTO PIECES HALF WITH YOUR COLDGATE BRUTAL™ INFUSED™ TEETH
>>315613578
Rock taken
>>315613839
Throw it back
>>315613839
Have the monster disqualified from the rock off for harassment by false-flagging on twitter.
>>315613839
Throw him at him, but actually distract him to throw a bigger rock.
>>315613839
Activate it.
>>315613839
Set it on fire and throw back
>>315613839
Monster slams fist down on rock, planting us into the ground
>>315613839
Use your flaming hands and throw it like a meteor at the beast
>>315613839
Throw it back
>>315613839
Throw the rock back at him, but make it an even bigger rock.
>>315613839
Toss it 5 feet, tell the this is your rock and there are many like but this is mine
>>315613839
put it on fire and toss it back
>>315613898
The monster caught it
>>315614115
You're a big guy
>>315614115
No wait I want that back
>>315614115
100 Barbarian fist the rock in his hand
>>315614115
toss another rock meanwhile OUT OF NOWHERE
>>315614115
violently buttfuck the monster
>>315614115
That's not how it's supposed to work, you shit.
>>315614115
Sabin that mother!
>>315614115
engage in a heartfelt game of catch that neither barbarian or monster ever got to have with their respective fathers
>>315614115
bum rush his smug face
>>315614115
Jokes on him your posse was disguised as a rock and jumps the monster
>>315614149
The monster obliges.
By slamming it onto you
>>315614317
Step away from it
>>315614317
Monster caves in our skull with rock whilst saying "you really should've gotten those party members bro"
>>315614317
Thanks!
>>315614317
punch thru it
>>315614317
Punch a rock repeatedly until it breaks apart.
Thank the monster, ask if he wants to join your party
>>315614317
evade and jump on his hand
>>315614317
shadestep
>>315614317
Get ready to rubble.
>>315614317
Punch the shit out of that rock Asura style.
>>315614349
And so you did
>>315614656
You pick a bigger rock and set it on fire
>>315614656
Punch the monster through the rock
>>315614656
Monster hits us with a powerful spinning backfist
>>315614656
that breaks monster's jaw
>>315614656
"Wtf dude, we're playing catch and you wreck my rock?"
>>315614656
You use the power of the king of hearts to annihilate the monster with the burning finger.
>>315614656
Continue to punch through the monster's fist.
>>315614656
Now hold that pose for a few minutes.
>>315614656
follow the momentum of your fist to fly out of the cellar, out of the warehouse, and out of this boring ass town
>>315614709
At this point you relaize this cellar is actually a secret rock storage
>>315614656
Secret move: mole spit
vomit the previously eaten mole int othe eye of the monster
>>315614873
suddenly an impossibly cute and dangerous kitten attacks the monster
>>315614873
Punch him in the boner.
>>315614873
Sell rocks to rock goblin for mad dosh.
>>315614873
now THROW
>>315614873
Put it down and talk to the monster about wine
>>315614873
do a volleyball serve
>>315614873
Cousin, let's go bowling.
>>315614909
You punched the rock into the monster's boner.
>>315615075
Oh shit I'm sorry
>>315615075
Monster yells NOOOO and crumbles to dust.
>>315615075
The mosnter dies. Due to a broken dick
>>315615075
Now whisper kinky shit into his ear
>>315615075
He's dead.
>>315615075
Steal his treasured rock
>>315615075
Prepare another rock and check monster's condition.
>>315615085
"meow"
>>315615269
It dies from boner damage.
>>315615269
kill both
>>315615269
9 9 9 9
What the fuck
>>315615269
Run before it kills you
>>315615269
Nobody pays heed to useless creature while the battle continues.
>>315615269
Monster and cat dissolve into dust
>>315615269
Shit, time out.
>>315615349
Hm, must have had an allergy.Gotta go for a bit, be back in about 10-15 minutes
>>315615553
Take the dust and eat it
>>315615553
Snort monster dust and power up
>>315615553
There's no loot, but a big door has opened up. Traverse deeper into the dungeon
>>315615553
Investigate surroundings.
>>315615553
Fucking KS, fuck cats!
>>315615553
Snort monster dust get monster berserk
>>315615553
Grab the unusual strange skull of no point from the dust and wear it.
>>315615553
life support for bread incoming
>>315615649
Cats have been added to your list of arch-enemies
>>315616124
PUNCH IT BEFORE IT GROWS
>>315616124
Traverse deeper into the dungeon
>>315616124
Now rob the entire warehouse, including rocks.
>>315616124
Snort monster dust
>>315616205
You check your loot
>>315616284
did monster drop any loot?
>>315616284
Toss the gold Snort monster dust dammit
>>315616284
surprise buttseeks
>>315616284
Check barbarian tribe To-Do-List
>>315616284
>>315610481
Juggle rocks.
>>315616284
Drink a barrel of wine and level up. We DO have some experience after fighting the monster, right?
>>315616284
Throw gold and take dust
>>315616338
No, it turned into dust along with the cat.
Also, because it died to the cat you didn't get any EXP
>>315616471
collect dust after you restore your pic
>>315616471
Whoops, forgot image
>>315616521
check for treasure chests
>>315616521
EAT IT AND CONSUME IT'S POWER
>>315616521
Swear to your ancestors that you will avenge them.
>>315616521
>>315616471
>Also, because it died to the cat you didn't get any EXP
FFFFFUUUCK CATS
>>315616630
>>315616521
Use your anger to cook the food and calm you down before continuing.
>>315616579
"Very good, my child. Go forth, avenge us and claim fame and glory"
so said Great Grandpa Ghost
>>315616521
Feed the food to the fever babies
>>315616692
Ask for clearer instructions or, at least, a helpful ghost item
>>315616692
Fuck you grandpa I wanted giant rock for my birthday
>>315616692
ask who to kill to avenge them
>>315616692
make a gym out of the rocks, so your barbarian tribe can get even stronger
>>315616768
"It's pretty simple. You must avenge us my child, by destroying the ones who have driven us from our homeland of Barbaria, hence the name Barbarians. You must defeat the Empire! Here, have these Ghostly Handwraps, they shall grant you the ability to ghostpunch people"
>>315617029
Steal his beard. It will help on your quest for vengeance
>>315617029
ghost punch him
>>315617029
Ghost punch?
As in, being able to punch Ghosts?
>>315617029
>>315616909
stop being dyel's
>>315617029
Head for the head of the Empire, the Empireer.
>>315617029
Ask for his sweet beard instead.
>>315617029
punching them into ghosts, punching through objects or punching ghosts?
>>315617085
Great Grandpa Ghost catches your fist.
"You see? These handwraps allow you to touch ghosts, by punching. THey can also make your fists like ghosts and let them phase through things"
>>315617335
Can you create ghost fire via burning finger then?
>>315617335
Punch harder
>>315617335
Ask Grandpa to join your party.
>>315617335
Punch self with ghost fists to test them out.
>>315617335
ask him what the point of phasing through things is if you can just punch through them anyway
>>315617610
There is a tree watching go berserk on it
>>315617567
Stealth
Also you can punch a dude's heart out of his body without touching anything else and that fucks with morale alot
>>315617610
Ask how grandma is doing
>>315617610
Harder, not faster
>>315617610
ATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA
>>315617610
He mocks your beardless visage.
>>315617610
send a fart through this ghostly body
>>315617648
Damnit, that tree was 1 day away from retirement
>>315617785
Now punch the tree's ghost.
>>315617785
Equip half a tree.
>>315617785
Cry over the death of the tree.
>>315617785
ask ghost grandfather what he thinks about your fever babies
>>315617785
He was looking like he was planning something...
>>315617785
use burning finger with your ghost fists, combo
>>315617829
You tied the stump to your back
>>315618010
Now search the strangers for directions to The Empire.
>>315618010
Use it as a rocket
>>315618010
Now go walk in any ol direction
>>315618010
say farewell to ghost granddad
>>315618010
Trow Log, jump on it, travel far
>>315618096
And by pure coincidence, you bump into your Barbarian Commander
"Ah, greetings Conan, or was it Canon, I forgot. Why are you still awake?"
>>315618350
I just masturbated to this tree stump
>>315618350
it was canon
tell him you're still awake because you punched every sheep so you can't count any
>>315618350
I'm sleepwalking
>>315618350
It's Tom Selleck you asshole
>>315618350
Convince Barbarian Commander to throw you in the center of the Empire.
>>315618350
"I must avenge my ancestors."
>>315618386
"ah very well, carry on then"
>>315618616
sleepwalk into throne room of Empire
>>315618470
I need water though, I'm thirsty
>>315618616
punch him in the face
>>315618616
Sleep for 2 hrs and awaken to the screams of barbarians
>>315618616
No my name is sleepwalking you insensitive asshole.
Take the commander to barbarian sensitivity training.
>>315618616
Sleepwalk into bed
>>315618642
"But that's very far away! It could take you weeks!"
>>315618771
is there shortcut?
>>315618771
Throw me
>>315618771
Alright, it's beddy-bye time Conan
Get into your barbarian PJs and go to bed
>>315618771
go to bed
>>315618771
Can't hear you sleep walking
>>315618771
Not if we throw each other.
>>315618859
"Ahaha! Fag!"
oh look, it's Chad
>>315618973
Sleep punch him
>>315618973
Slap Chad
>>315618973
GET YOUR GOSH DARN BUTTS TO BED!
>>315618973
sleep ghost punch him
>>315618973
>>315619180
take his helmet off
>>315619180
He dies.
>>315619180
psyche, you actually punched chad's bodypillow
meanwhile chad punches you from behind
>>315619180
That's enough excitement for one day! Let's hit those beds
>>315619180
Do a slap combo
>>315619180
sleeplaugh it off and continue sleepwalking
>>315619180
Rip chads lungs out through his mouth
>>315619180
Let's have adventure barbarian friend
>>315619239
You start hitting your bed
>>315619461
chad thinks you're making a pun joke and awkwardly laughs
>>315619461
bed strikes back
>>315619461
Lay down on it and start roliing
>>315619461
Two hours into bed-hitting a warhorn is blown, signalling an incoming raid
>>315619461
Chad is flustered by the proposal
>>315619461
Now go on adventure with Chad
>>315619747
Two hours into bed rolling a warhorn is blown, signalling an incoming raid
>>315619747
dry hump your bed.
>>315619747
ROLLING START
>>315619747
Eventually, you roll into the Empire.
>>315619747
you roll so fast a tornado appears in the camp
>>315619778
Oh No! Who's attacking you?! Is it:
A. Wild Beasts and Monsters
B. Rival Barbarian Tribe
C. The Empire
>>315620093
A & C
the Empire have some real good beast tamers in their midst
>>315620093
IT'S ALL OF THEM
>>315620093
Rival barbarians hired by the empire, riding wild beasts and monsters
>>315620093
All of them. And one slightly displeased man.
>>315620093
C pick C
>>315620168
Oh no! The Empire has sent a squadron of soldiers to kill you! Along with some Traitorous Barbarians, who were disgraced and only allowed to wear half a skull on their heads. Oh and they got some beasts too.
>>315620457
Empire archers rain down arrows upon our camp site, killing numerous barbarians
>>315620457
Enter negotiation mode
>>315620457
Treat them to a game of rock paper scissors.
>>315620457
Punch the ghosts out of them.
Then punch their ghosts.
>>315620457
Avenge THEIR ancestors.
>>315620556
You side chose rock(s)
>>315620665
Fire rocks!
>>315620665
Drats! The Empire chose paper!
>>315620665
The empire soldiers deploy paper shields and deflect your assault. Too bad the traitorous barbarians picked the scissors
>>315620708
>>315620665
Can we use dynamite.
>>315620665
OH SHIT
THEY'VE CHOSEN PAPER
>>315620665
Throw some papers while they're hurt
>>315620708
"Good thing we had this Giant sheet of paper lying round"
"I knew this would come in handy"
>>315620904
Three panel long picture showcasing our barbarians getting slaughtered by Monsters, Traitourous Barbarians and the Empire
>>315620904
Bring out the giant scissors!
>>315620904
rock flies thru it tho
>>315620904
It doesn't.
>>315620968
"Luckily we also had it enchanted so rocks can't fly through it"
"Thank you based court wizard"
>>315621053
whole setup falls down on them cause of sheer weight
>>315621053
Holy shit that rock looks so happy
>>315621053
But our shaman is the master of making magic not work, he even does it to himself
>>315621053
Throw a scissor rock combination
>>315621053
Throw Barbarians at sheets
>>315621108
"WOO! DISPELLING! DISPELLING FOR EVERYONE!"
>>315621351
It doesn'tnot work
>>315621351
ALOLO
>>315621351
BGM starts playing
https://youtu.be/eh7lp9umG2I
>>315621351
Sprinkle some monster dust on rocks and toss those.
>>315621351
The paradox of his spell making his own spell not work at making his spell not work makes him explode. Your party takes 12 points of damage
>>315621351
It is a paradox, he ceases to exist, but it also means the court wizard is gone too
>>315621351
canon lights the rocks on fire with flaming finger so they burn through the paper
>>315621351
Snort the monster dust to boost your power
>>315621409
The enchantment on the paper is gone. The rocks rip through it and crush some soldiers.
"Why the crap were they even standing below them" asked one of the soldiers who didn't get squished
>>315621663
toss more rocks at them, enhanced with fire
>>315621663
Use your burning treestump to squish them.
>>315621663
Because ofdeez nuts
>>315621663
Shaman also dispelled our arrow forcefield. Shitstorm of arrows incoming!
>>315621663
donkey kong the monsters with some barrels from the warehouse
>>315621749
Suddenly, a traitor barbarian jumps up and destroys your treestump with one swing
>>315621964
He fell for your clever trap.
Pull out the second tree stump
>>315621964
Dude what the fuck
>>315621964
He got an axe of your father
that bastard
>>315621964
Break his half skull in half, it is known a barbarian loses all strength when his skull is destroied
>>315621964
Mother fucker
>>315621964
chase him into the air and slam him down with your BARE HANDS
>>315621964
A giant splinter brakes of and impales the traitor
>>315622049
The soldiers take the chance to rain arrows down onto your tribe. Major casualties were had.
"I KNEW WE SHOULD HAVE INVESTED SOMEWHAT IN LONG-RANGE WEAPONRY"
"THOSE FUCKING MONGOLS KNEW WHAT'S UP"
>>315622329
USE BURNING FINGER TO BURN ALL THE ARROWS INTO ASHES CANON
ancients speak
>>315622329
die
>>315622329
Avenge the tree stump.
>>315622329
digest monster ash
>>315622329
GO BERSERK!
>>315622329
go to barbarian heaven
>>315622417
YOu punch the traitor Barbarian amidst the chaos
>>315622629
Omae wa mo shindeiru
>>315622629
Turn the barrels of booze we stole into giant molotovs.
>>315622629
tear his head off
>>315622629
Caress the remains of the tree stump while the fight around you rages on
>>315622629
Punch his ancestor(s) for raising such a shitty barbarian.
>>315622759
But alas, their might was greater
>>315623249
pray to a Barbarian god for aid
>>315623249
A bloodied Barbarian Commander with a missing right arm commands the barbarians to fall back
>>315623249
AVENGE YOUR BROTHERS
>>315623249
barbarian god unleashes his avatar
>>315623249
The death of his brothers in arms fills him with legendary beserkers rage
>>315623249
Oh what's that? Some kind of portal?
>>315623369
Fueled by beserker rage, you and the surviving barbarians retaliate, killing soldiers, traitors and beasts alike to avenge your brothers
>>315623660
utilize the ghost punch to punch directly into their leader
>>315623660
SUDDEN PLOT DEVICE
>>315623660
Your leader calls for a strategic retreat
Right through the traitor barbarians
>>315623660
you stand on mountains of bodies, getting ready to final bossyour evil twin
>>315623660
Switch perspective to peasant girl.
>>315623717
Whoooosh
>>315624029
-1 damage
we're so pitifully underleveled our punches heal him
>>315624029
"That's what you get for destroying my tree stump!"
>>315624029
one pixel of his huge healthbar turns red
>>315624029
*teleports behind you*
pshh... nothin personnel............ barbarian
>>315624029
He grabs our fist
>>315624029
grab this heart with ghost punch
>>315624029
your ghost punch also goes through the leader, dealing no damage
your arm is now stuck inside the ghost leader
>>315624187
*his
>>315624124
"And this is what you get for opposing The King"
then he slams your face into the ground
>>315624350
Combine ghost punch and fire punch
now punch
>>315624350
The King is about to use his killing move when suddenly we are teleported to the house of an old wizard
>>315624350
Phase through his fist and slap his shit
>>315624350
Your kings a bitch
Punch his dick
>>315624350
grab his foot and toss him
>>315624350
Welcome him to the jam
>>315624350
his nuts are unguarded
go for a kick to the nuts
>>315624447
He dodges your slap
>>315624621
The King crushes our ribs with his mighty hand
>>315624621
Scream at him.
>>315624621
I said slap his shit, not let him dodge your hit.
Do it.
>>315624621
Ghostpunch him into the body a lot.
>>315624621
Demand a dance contest to declare a winner
>>315624696
"Ah shut it, will you"
Then the Knight breaks your hands
>>315625014
fix your hands with sheer willpower
>>315625014
flail wildly with your broken hands
>>315624696
god damned anon
>>315625014
bite the leader
>>315625014
pray to the barbarian god for help
>>315625014
The King tosses us aside like common garbage and leaves us to rot (he also breaks our knees)
>>315625014
Headbutt him
>>315625014
Kick him
WHILE SCREAMING
>>315625014
Fool is him, for at this moment we can ghostpunch his arms through the armor, although with a lot of pain.
>>315625158
what's wrong with you, you submissive sissy
>>315625096
How was i supposed to know it wouldn't work?
Screaming at things always works for me.
>>315625096
Clank!
Well, being a barbarian, you've never been into armors, guess they're actually useful for protection.
>>315625158
He's not The King, he's a Knight under the King
>>315625354
Ghostpunch his arms out of the armor, then proceed the biting. It will be painful with the broken arms, but we will endure.
>>315625354
Use your ghost punching warps to ghost bite him!
Does that make sense?
>>315625354
Time for the secret art of nut kicking. Kick him in the nuts
>>315625354
Thankfully, barbarians use all the metal they loot to create ARMORED TEETH, the BEST DENTAL PLAN in the whole 7 KINGDOMS!
>>315625354
throw the monster/cat dust in his eyes
>>315625354
but your teeth are the best out there. >>315613305
you bite thru armour.
>>315625354
the nuts are unguarded go for the nuts
>>315625354
see
>>315625469
>>315625457
that weak armor is no match for your impressive bite
>>315625469
Once again, ColdGate Brutal™ would like to remind you that it's the number one toothpaste reccomended by barbarians. Perfect for keeping your teeth strong and clean while you crush your enemies and see them driven before you. And especially when you hear the lamentations of their women.
>>315625712
The Knight demonstrates to his troops how to break the spirit of a barbarian
>>315625712
you bite his arm off and attaches that arm to yourself instead of your broken arms
>>315625712
Now use the enemy's off-put sense of balance to kick the shit out of him.
>>315625712
start devouring the rest of his armor to reveal it's occupant
>>315625808
Sensing your intent, the Knight grabs your head to stop you from biting his arm off.
Now it's a battle of....will? strength? Either way there's gonna be some button mashing QTEs
>>315626083
Mash the wrong button
>>315626083
mash buttons
>>315626083
MASH A TO LET 'ER RIP
>>315626083
We mash the QTE button with >>315626193 's face
>>315626083
wiggle that thumbstick AND mash buttons
>>315626083
Mash the triangle button!
>>315626083
Fail
>>315626083
WITCH TIME ACTIVATED
TORTURE MASHING BUTTON GO
>>315626248
You start mashing the Triangle button like the screen said...SUDDENLY IT SWITCHES TO THE CIRCLE BUTTON INSTEAD, OH SHIT
>>315626348
Go for the nutkick while the enemy leader is busy mashing buttons
>>315626348
FUCK, IN A PANIC YOU ACCIDENTALLY PRESS X
>>315626348
Oh shit, our circle button is broken! We're FUCKED
>>315626348
It's a trick keep going with the triangle button
>>315626397
BUT THAT"S THE SQUARE BUTTON! YOU PRESS THAT AND YOU'LL FAIL THIS QTE!
>>315626535
Press the X button instead. It makes you scream
>>315626535
JUST PRESS ALL THE BUTTONS!
>>315626535
press both AT THE SAME TIME
>>315626535
dismiss failing of QTE as true ignorant barbarian
>>315626535
PRESS RIGHT TRIGGER
Propably rest.
Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right X O
>>315626535
Roll your fist all over the buttons
>>315626618
You press both buttons, so you did both actions. And succeeded, kinda.
You're still biting his arm but has not made much progress.
You managed to kick his dick but it wasn't strong enough to go through his codpiece, now he has locked you leg in place with his legs
>>315626956
hit the level up button you got for slaughtering all army and recover to full HP and no broken bones
>>315626956
Aligator death roll!
>>315626956
break out of the hold by doing something gross to weird him out
>>315626956
Suddenly backstabbed
>>315626956
shove foot up his ass
>>315626956
Where the fuck is my backup
>>315626956
>>315627030
>hit the level up button you got for slaughtering all army and recover to full HP and no broken bones
>>315627035
You try to roll. The knight is too heavy and he got you locked down tight.
>>315627182
>hit the level up button you got for slaughtering all army and recover to full HP and no broken bones
>>315627097
Thebarbarians got slaughtered, man
>>315627182
The Knight's soldiers come in to help
>>315627267
Not all of them I think?
>>315627182
lvl up
>>315627182
UNLEASH YOUR TRUE POWER
>>315627265
Juuuust need to reach it with your free foot...almost there...
>>315627460
YOU CAN DO IT!
>>315627460
DO ITfucking oculus rift RPGS
>>315627460
Get stabbed in the ass
>>315627460
You did it!
>>315627460
wiggle back and forth
>>315627460
EXTEND YOUR PINKIE TOE
>>315627508
Oh shit a soldier pulle dit away
>>315627671
The Knight breaks our neck
>>315627671
Curse him, curse his whole family
>>315627671
I'm calling bullshit
>>315627671
wow ok what the fuck do we do now? plead for mercy?
>>315627671
Kick the knight for him to lose balance and fall closer to the button.
>>315627671
He accidentaly presses it
>>315627671
We hit the knight with >>315627771 's filthy message
>>315627671
throw one of the fever babies onto the button
>>315627808
You kick the knight instead, causing him to lose balance. now you're both falling towards the button.
nu thred
Or are you taking a break?
>>315628048
Press it
>>315628048
PULL THE LEVER, er I mean HIT DAT BUTTON
ALL POINTS TO STREIGHT
>>315628048
QUICK KICK THE KNIGHT OFF BEFORE HE LEVELS UP TOO
>>315628048
The soldier breaks the fall instead.
>>315628048
Chad gets it
>>315628048
CLIFFHANGER
>>315628048
Just fucking level up already jesus christ
>>315628096
>streight (plural streights): obsolete spelling of strait
>strait: A difficult position
Sure, you leveled up that. Your difficulty position just got more difficult: The Knight fell onto the button, making him level up and healing him too
>>315628295
Now that you're both healed
Run away
>>315628295
the knight also levelled up streight and is now also in a difficult position
>>315628295
save game
>>315628295
He says epic second-form-boss speech for a cliffhanger
>>315628295
Fix attributes to be +10 against knights
>>315628295
and with this, you flee, but in a brave and manly way
>>315628295
fuck my engrish
>>315628439
"I congratulate you for making it this far, barbarian. But for your crimes against The King, The Empire and its people, I cannot let you live. Prepare to die"Game SavedContinue in New Thread Y/NIf Y then new threadIf N then updates r here https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>315628686
WELCOME TO DIE BARB-CHICKEN!
Y
>>315628796
>Y
>>315628818
>>315628842
>>315628878
>>315628914
Welp, new thread incoming.
Note: may get deleted quickly due to mods
NEW THREAD
>>315629120
>>315629120
>>315629120
