Adventure Thing, part 3
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Oh shit nigger, you're a Barbarian.
After an Imperial raid on your tribe that left most of your brothers dead. You are now facing against a Knight from the Empire that lead the attack.
What do you do?
Previous threads:
http://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2A
>>315629120
Hit Pause button
Situation report
Inventory check
>>315629120
Call for backup. Just in case, ya know.
>>315629120
throw cat dust onto himhe is allergic to cats
>>315629120
Use a barbarian call to Summon a land slide of skulls
Use your standu
>>315629120
punch self in face
>>315629214
some barrels of wine, some crates of foodand some feverish babiesunless they disappeared when I wasn't watching
We might still have like 2-3 big rocks left because I only saw us throw a few
Call Chad for help!
>>315629235
Well, among the survivors, there's your Commander, who's busy fighting off the Empire's beasts and soldiers by himself.
Maybe your fellow barbarian, Chad, also survived
>>315629481
we need no chad. activate burning finger
>>315629481
Chads alive. Ask him for help.
>>315629481
No, fuck Chad. We stand alone.
>>315629481
Pursuade Chad to help you with the power of friendship!
>>315629548
Fwoosh. Yous et your hand on fire
>>315629790
Oh yeah, that's REAL intimidating.
>>315629790
ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA
>>315629790
Now ghostpunch him with the burning hand. The perfect strategy.
>>315629790
Remember uncle ghegas khan
>>315629790
ghost punch with burning hand to set the leader's inards on fire
>>315629906
You engage in abattle of fists
>>315630161
Can fist fuel melt steel armor?
>>315630161
Throw dirt in his eyes
>>315630161
Now give with your free leg draw out a new game plan
>>315630161
SWEEP THE LEG
>>315630161
Sweep the leg then eat it
>>315630208
"Fist fuel can't melt steel armor!"
"Shut up you madman"
"INSIDE JOB!"
>>315630515
do we still have the fever babies or did we lose them at some point?
>>315630515
take advantage of his shiny metal pants to give him a shiny metal wedgie. that'll teach him
>>315630515
So the beast is clearly stronger than the Knight (as implied here >>315629481)
Why doesn't it lead the Imperial raid then?
>>315630515
we don't NEED to melt it. We have ghostpunches. BURN THE MAN INSIDE THE SUIT
>>315630515
>navy seals copypasta
Do it
>>315630515
Bob you're a fool you know the king staged the IX/XI attack so we can Fuck up the barbs.
>>315630570
Because it's an animal.
>>315630556
"YOU CAN'T SILENCE ME ! I KNOW THERE'S A CONSPIRACY!"
"Oh jeez, just be quiet"
"THE KING STAGED IX/XI! HE NEEDED AN EXCUSE TO INVADE BARBARIA! READ BETWEEN THE LINES!"
>>315630907
This is your chance. Grab one of the soldiers and throw hin into the knight.
>>315630907
the holocaust was a lie
there's no massive imperial graves where they should be
Barbler did nothing wrong
>>315630907
Rocket kick him into a mountain
>>315631029
The knight caught the soldier
>>315631260
soldier explodes
>>315631260
while his hands are occupied punch him in the face
>>315631260
IT WAS A CTUALLLY AN ARMOR FILLED WITH DYNAMITE
>>315631260
Find the knights wife and fuck her
It's adventure TIME not thing!
>>315631347
Sadly, being an barbarian, you don't know how to use dynamite.
It did nothing
>>315631398
god damned anon
>>315631450
good thing you had your hands on fire while tossing dynamite
it caught fire and explodes
>>315631450
But you did know how to heat up the armor with your fire finger. Ruh-roh.
>>315631450
punch the knight in the head while his hands are occupied
>>315631518
THe knight throws the about to explode armor back at you
>>315631738
Throw it back
Faster.
>>315631738
PUNCH IT BACK
>>315631738
ENGAGE IN FRIENDLY GAME OF ARMOR TOSS!
>>315631738
You punch it back at the knight
>>315631738
Run!
>>315631829
"Ah yes, the Tennis Boss battle"
"A staple of many video games"
>>315632014
successfully get all the QTE prompts
>>315632014
Sneakily heat it up more, that'll throw off his sense of timing.
>>315632014
THE FOOL!
HE HAS FALLEN FOR OUR TRAP!
NOW WE SHALL-
Wait, wait, sorry its the manditory armor toss half-time break.
>>315632014
throw the armour at him, and charge him. By obligation, he must catch the armour to
>>315632097
"Hey, doesn't that armor look suspiciously about to explode quicker than expected to you?"
"Yes, like someone is sneakily heating it up"
>>315632269
Now for perception check on Knight's part.
>>315632269
good thing you played all those mario party games. you win, soldier explodes in enemy hands
>>315632408
"Ah! Sneaky bastard!"
>>315632539
Goddamnit. Rush him with ghostpunches so he doesn't know what to defend from first.
>>315632539
Suddenly, a twist in your tale
>>315632539
throw it then rush at him
>>315632665
He ignores the armor and charges straight at you instead. The armor explodes behind him, but he was out of the blast radius
>>315632951
counter-reverse-charge him
>>315632951
Well, time for original plan. Fire up hands and ghostpunch him to burn him from the inside.
>>315632951
Grab the faggot by the horn
>>315633035
A reverse charge?....Running away?
>>315633221
counter charge him, but running backwards.
>>315633221
You take too long to think about the statement and Knight slams into you
>>315633221
Activate Witch Time
>>315633221
run past him
>>315633478
quick! demoralize him with a cheeky barbarian limerick!
>>315633478
Why is this so funny
>>315633478
drop a banana peel
>>315633643
Knight slips and goes on a comically long stumbling sequencewith perfect recovery
>>315633643
Step on it, launching you into Knight at the speed of sound
>>315633643
Perception check, fail on me now.
>>315633918
Fall anyway
>>315633918
>99 out of 100 judges were impressed
>>315633918
Ask Great Grandpa Ghost for advice.
>>315633918
Engage turbo thrusters
>>315633947
Despite not touching the peel, you fall down anyway
>>315634196
Cry
>>315634196
For our next trick, we wait until the Knight gets closer and ghostpunch him in the knee.
roll cry check.
>>315634196
Witchcraft!
We are being outmatched, surely there is but one course of action left.
Roll to seduce!
>>315634196
it was trick maneuver to body slam enemy OUT OF NOWHERE
>>315634248
You cried
>>315634196
Invincibility roll!
>>315634432
Maybe if we continue crying, he'll leave us aloneso that we can attack from the back
>>315634432
Chad laughs at us and calls us a fag
>>315634432
Create a new sword out of the tears!
>>315634519
What a meanie
>>315634637
Out of sheer hate for Chad, stand up stronger than before.
>>315634637
The Knight is actually frozen in that position now. He desperately calls out for help
>>315634637
Use water gun of tears! Rust his armor
>>315634637
Tell Chad, through the sobs, to fucking stab the guy, he's in fucking prime position!
How could he not remember the old crying bear technique?!
>>315634758
The knight quickly grabs Chad and use him as a shield
>>315634908
Goddammit chad!
>>315634908
Tired of these shenanigans, Knight calls upon the Gigantic Scary Beast Thing to finish us off and calls it a day.
>>315634908
Dickslap Chad
>>315634908
body slam knight OUT OF NOWHERE
together with Chad
>>315634908
Ask the knight if he's actually a cute girl
>>315635096
Ok, we are clearly way too underleveled for this fight. Get the fuck out of there with Barbarian Commander and Chad while our campsite burns in the background
>>315635096
Now use chad as a wet club and beat the knight to rust
>>315635096
How is the Knight even determined enough to fight our barbarian ass?
>>315635096
The knight is so disgusted by this that he looks away, giving you the time to get in a free attack!
grab chad's helmet and bash the knight's head in.
>>315635156
The Knight grabs a nearby tree and smacks it against your Chad, deflecting the wet blows.
You get down and lower your chin and gurgle to intimidate him
>>315635440
>>315635440
ANOTHER BLOW
>>315635440
JUST HIT HARDER GOD DAM
>>315635478
And so you did.
No effect
>>315635723
Surely, he must get tired of this and move on to the next barbarian.
>>315635723
Match him blow for blow chad can take it
>>315635789
At which point he snaps Chad's neck
>>315635990
u-unsnap chad to revive him
>>315635990
Jokes on him, his father fucked an owl.
>>315635990
Turns out Chad made a dummy Chad and is actually safe, but he died of super cancer cause Chad smokes too much.
>>315635990
yeah rip
Keep your distance until he's distracted enough, then attack from behind.
>>315635990
>>315635145
carry Chad's body with you
>>315635990
CHAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>315635990
Wear Chad's skull over your own skull for double the skull power!
>>315635990
Take Chad and run!
>>315635990
snap the leader's neck in return
>>315635990
Snap the tree's neck!
>>315636032
"So this guy's half-owl?"
"Yeah, the tribe was pretty grossed out when they heard from my dad"
>>315636504
BITCH HERE COMES THE PAIN TRAIN
>>315636504
But still, >>315635145
>>315636504
Make an owl pun.
>>315636504
snap leader's neck
>>315636597
>running away after chad & all the other barbarians die
fuck you man
>>315636504
Enough of this foolishness, you call on the barbarian gods to grant you the power to smite this grave foe
>>315636504
Quick! Complement his helmet!
>>315636597
And so you escaped. Sadly most of your brothers haved died.
You, Chad, The Commander and a handful of Barbarian children he managed to save are the only survivors of this massacre.
Chad survived the neck snapping due to being half-owl. The tribesmen never let him live it down. Now they're all dead so it kinda works out I guess.
"We need to get to the chief" said the commander
>>315636896
The Chief? But he's all the way on the other side of the world!
>>315636896
Ride a bear back to our fortress.
>>315636896
The Chief was brutally killed by the Empire. We will avenge him in due time. Meanwhile, I suggest myself as a new Chief.
>>315636896
Go to the gratest chief in the world
gordonkorman
>>315636896
I am the chief, me make um teepee
>>315637058
Sadly you are correct. The attack on your camp was part of a wholescale slaughter of barbarians. The King personally slew the chief himself.
>>315637451
grow a beard
>>315637451
We need to have votes on the new chief
>>315637451
Quest to kill the king you'll need a full on party with orcs and elves and orc elves and a bard
>>315637451
IS THAT HIM?
DON'T TAKE THIS AS ROLL BUT AS A QUESTION
>>315637508
Beard grown
>>315637754
We couldn't even kill a shitty-ass homo knight so it looks like we're gonna have to adventure around the world and build up a party. But who do we recruit first?
>>315637754
Stroke it smooth and gently
>>315637816
You stoke your beard. The commander appears to talk to you.
"You did good, boy. That knight was one of the king's top 3 knights, and you managed to survive an encounter with him, that's at least something to be glad about"
>>315637732
Yes, that is the king holding the head of your former chief
>>315638139
BITCH MAH CREW DIED IN THERE, WHATCHU TALKING ABOUT?
>>315638139
Thanks, Dad
>>315638139
Manly tear
>>315638139
Scream at the commander and shake Chad around to show your repent for your failure to kill the knight.
>>315638139
Travel with the survivors, working as freelance mercenaries.all for revenge
Elect yourself the new chief.
>>315638258
"Ssshhh, don't let the other survivors know that. They may accuse me of nepotism when I vote you as the new chief later"
>>315638460
Dad, I'm gay
>>315638460
"Excellent. Let's begin with the bonding ritual."
punch each other in the face
>>315638460
dickslap your dad
>>315638460
Canon will not be a chef.
Canon will go for quest of his revenge.
Canon will come back victorious.
>>315638460
Dad I want a new bike wolf
>>315638460
What should we do now daddy
>>315638519
"Yes, I've known for years now, but don't let the others know that, they won't accept you as chief if they do"
>>315638519
forgetting all those streight points, anon
>>315638693
Well, what are we waiting for?
>>315638693
Gay for a bike - wolf dad
>>315638693
hold that fukken vote to elect the new chief
>>315638693
Let's travel across the world to recruit new men
Reminder that the qt peasant girl or the thief might still be alive and we should recruit them.
>>315638937
I want an orc wash buckler
He washes buckles.
>>315638749
"Well, since our camp burned down, we don't have much resources left. If we want to recruit mercs and adventurers we can either raid some caravans or somesuch to have more money, or use what we already have and head to the nearest adventurers' inn. Or we could train the barbarian children and let them carry out our quest for revenge instead."
>>315639091
Do all
>>315639091
Raid
>>315639091
Fuck it, let's do all 3.
Chad raises Barbarian babies, Cmmander raid some people and and we go to the inn
>>315639091
Or 4 we have a giant orgy
>>315639091
Start off on an adventure around the world and recruit people as you meet them.
>>315639091
Look for the qt peasant girl and thief.
you know I think this has the potential to be another 20 parter
>>315639208
"All the women are dead you fag"
>>315639378
I thought you were a woman, Chad.
>>315639378
fuck everything. You go into hidden village. I go kill empire.
>>315639378
We can kidnap and rape them?
>>315639378
Let's go raid some caravans
>>315639378
I didn't hear a noooooo?
>>315639378
So it's settled, we train child soldiers for our revenge.
>>315639498
And so you split up. You are given the remaining gold and instructions by your Dad Commander:
"Take this gold and hire some adventurers, it should be enough for about 2. After that do quests with them, become stronger and get more gold. So you can hire even more adventurers. After I make some money by raiding caravans I shall do the same. Chad will stay hidden in the forest to train the children. After we have amassed a proper army, I will send you the signal to attack the Empire"
>>315639859
Hire a bard and a healsut
>>315639859
Bust down the door, yell for Amanda Hunginkiss!
>>315639859
Waste gold on wenches and ale
>>315639859
Hire a dickass thief and a sexy girl healer
>>315639859
Hire : man with no game
And simon
>>315639928
"Ah! So you need a bard and a healer! Very good, how much are you willing to pay?" asked the innkeeper/guildmaster
>>315640230
Throw the gold the commander have you in his face.
>>315640230
70% healslut, 30% bard
>>315640230
"five fingers, now cough em up"
>>315640230
Change mind ask for a cobbler and newspaper boy
>>315640230
No matter the price we name, the innkeeper asks for $10 extra
>>315640230
Im not sure about this, you're not jewing us are you?
>>315640230
What else you got
>>315640349
"A , hehe, neccessary booking and paperwork fee, of course
>>315640469
Are you trying to jew me?
>>315640469
Fuck him, go talk to the people by yourself.
>>315640469
Tell him about the 6 trillion of his kind that died
>>315640469
"the empire killed six gorillion of your people. I just need help to stop them"
>>315640558
And it's that time again! Choose what class you want to talk to
>>315641065
A former gladiator who is tired of the Empire's oppressive nature
>>315641065
Wrestler
lock in and confirm
>>315641065
Where is my orc? I need my orc
>>315641065
PEASANT
BARD
MONK
IN THAT ORDER
What is this /tg/ shit doing on /v/?
>>315641065
Wizard and Knight
>>315641065
Use Barbarian vision to see which one is the best
>>315641374
Getting away from all the Fallout 4 threads.
>>315641065
Thief, wizard
Do I have any healthpotions or lifesteal? Is there any level difference?
PALADIN ANDELF
>>315641136
"Oh yeah, I was once a Gladiator in the Imperial Arena, was a champion too. But all those killing, just for other people's amusement was jsut too much, you know. I want to kill for my own amusement damnit. So I left and became an adventurer. Luckily the masters allowed me to keep my equipment....but not my winnings though"
>>315641175
Right here in this mystery box I have, too abd gladiator got first
>>315641550
As the thread has shown. You're a 2 and he's a 30
>>315641587
Do you like waffles?
>>315641587
Ask what his weapon mastery is
>>315641587
What's your price
>>315641675
So run away of course maybe come back after we are equal if I know he has any good loot otherwise fuck it.
>>315641681
"Yeah, who doesn't?"
>>315641587
If I best you in a fight will you join me?
>>315641850
Alright, you're hired
>>315641850
Join me and I promise we'll become rich by plundering the Empire
>>315641850
Make him some waffles as payment for his service
>>315641907
YOu hired the gladiator. Since he's used to fight for low pay in the arena and is currently broke his price is pretty cheap. You'll be able to hire one more and maybe have some gold left for some new equipment.
>>315641850
I don't.
>>315642157
bard
>>315642157
Now to go and find that heal slut.
>>315642157
Mystery box
>>315642157
BARD
>>315642157
mystery box
>>315642157
Wizard, we need some ranged fucker
>>315642157
That knives ear.
>>315642157
we need a wise-ard old man. We need magics.
>>315642278
Mystery Box effect activated.
Your second party member can be something else than a human. Just add a [Race] before choosing a class to talk to. Yes, even the Elf.
>>315642452
A dwarf elf
>>315642452
BARD ELF
>>315642452
Lizardman wizard.
lizard wizard
lizzie wizzie
c'mon
>>315642452
An Elf Elf
>>315642452
orc bard
>>315642452
Orc scientist
>>315642452
Treant wizard
>>315642452
Bedouin Wizard
>>315642579
good choice nigga, I'm proud of you
>>315642579
"Greetingsssss"
>>315642802
Where's his beard?
Wizards needs beards
>>315642802
Are you cold blooded?
>>315642802
Quick question
would you rather kill an imperial or rape his wife
>>315642802
Want to fuck shit up scalebro?
>>315642802
what can you do?
>>315642802
I don't speak to bandits.
Approach the female Satyr Bard.
Take your party and go to the DESERT
>>315642878
"Yeah, sometimes I use it to refrigerate my food"
>>315643047
Go and steal the thief as well, since you know, pottery or some shit.
>>315642802
I need someone to hep me read. If you can do that you're hired.
>>315643047
what kind of food...
>>315643047
Cool. Here is money, join me.
>>315643047
A wizard isn't a wizard without his beard
See through the reptilian's disguise
>>315643119
"Hi, don't mind the horns, I assure you I'm not a demon"
>>315643592
smash the bard on the head with the lute and call him a fucking sissy gay ass wanna be elf
>>315643592
Ayy baby want some fuck?
>>315643592
The real question is
Is she a demon in the sack?
>>315643592
take her and wizard
>>315643592
Fuck this shit, hire the lizardbro. We need magic not some dickass music.
>>315643592
Too nice-looking. Next!
>>315643729
rude
>>315643592
We have enough money for her and the wizard. Buy them both but skip out on the new equipment.
>>315643592
grab her and walk out
>>315643729
"But I'm a g---"
"Hey, it's not a good idea to hit your potential prty members, do that again and you'll get kicked out, or even killed" said the gladiator
>>315644092
Just grab the Bard satyr, Lizard Wizard, Gladiator and the Thief for good measure and just run.
We Barbars, we don't conform to societal standards, spend the money on pillaging or something.
>>315644092
go back to the lizard wizard
>>315644092
Offer to suck her dick as an apology
>>315644092
Go back and recruit the fucking Lizwiz before you get murdered
>>315644092
hit the wizard while you're at it
>>315644092
Find a slutty cleric instead.
>>315644092
Hire the wizard and take the party to a nearby cave. Bound to be something there.
>>315644139
As you're about to put your plan into motion, you find 2 swords at your neck.
"I can sense when there's someone who's not going to pay, don't even try it" says the innkeeper
>All these wizardfag
I'm sick and tired of wizards.
Why can't we have a goddamned dwarf necromancer or some shit
>>315644662
Mutter something about tribes, try not drop your skulls.
>>315644662
Pick the MASKED_LUCHADOR Wizard as a party member
Yes, that's a race.
Also stop dicking around.
>>315644662
Fuck off jew, I bet you shill when you can
>>315644667
That's still a wizard
>>315644662
Do a kickass backflip
>>315644662
Pay for the wizard then buy a sexy ass codpiece with the rest of your dosh
>>315644662
Just pay for the satyr and gladiator and leave.
>>315644662
But you will pay, you know you later.
You have to uphold your reputation as savage.
>>315644662
Challenge them to a session of DDR
>>315644662
Pay the guy and use your thief to get your money back to be a sneeki breeki
>>315644662
Stop dicking around and buy someone. Lizzie wizzie gets my vote
>>315644662
Grab the swords with your hands and drive them into the skulls of the two opposing guards.
>>315644765
"No I don't, would a man with a nose as huge as this lie to you? In a completely unrelated note, I heard there's a new edition of Coldgate Brutal™ out, you should get it, it's an amazing brand of toothpaste. I use it all the time and it truly works! Perfect for that healthy clean white shine"
>>315645183
Fuck it, hire the thief.
Then steal back the money and hire the lizard wizard and gladiator.
>>315645183
"I know rite"
now pay for wizard and gladiator and leave.
>>315645183
Is there a bargain sale?
>>315645183
Just get a healer and fuck off somewhere
Or better yet, go out and find someone who will work for free
>>315645183
>>315644868
Dammit, I was inside the time limit.
>>315645183
hire merchant
>>315645183
Hire tootpaste as party member.
>>315645389
You bought a tub of toothpaste form the innkeeper/guildmaster/merchant.
You paid all your remaining gold for it
>>315645183
hire innkeeper as party member
>>315645678
RUB IT ALL OVER YOUR MOUTH
>>315645678
Try to trade toothpaste for a healer.
>>315645372
>28:51
>30:39
No you weren't, op chooses the highest one within the minute of the first reply
>>315645678
>not hiring the wizard
>>315645678
JUST BARBAR IT UP FOR FUCKS SAKE
>>315645760
Not first two minutes?
Can OP answer?
>>315645678
brush teeth so next time you won't get stomped by some faggot's arm armor
>>315645678
Squirt the toothpaste in the merchants eyes, grab as many party members as you can and run
>>315645678
Ok, we're good, let's find some quests.
>>315646004
Hope there's some cavity creeps that need to be removed
>>315645746
YOu used all of the toothpaste.
On one hand, the toothpaste is all gone and you only got one party member while losing all your gold.
On the other, your teeth has never been so healthy.
>>315645895
Only 1
>>315646114
Seduce merchant to acquire wizard
>>315646114
Use it to reflect the sun
>>315646114
Use the charisma bonus gained from it to hire the thief.
>>315646114
Go rob some people
>>315646114
seduce the bard
>>315646114
Use your sparkling healthy teeth into persuading the merchant to give a party member as part of the deal.
>>315646114
Become a tooth model to earn some more money for the bard girl
>>315646209
Unfortunately for you the man is attracted nothing but money. Which you currently have none.
>>315646434
Go adventure or something.
>>315646434
Steal his nose. That'll make him cooperative.
>>315646434
Use a magnet and get the money
>>315646434
use your brightly shining teeth to rob the je-innkeeper
>>315646434
Seduce wizard to acquire wizard
>>315646434
Go questing with gladiator bro to get some money.
>>315646434
Fuck this guild, get out on the street and either look for a character wiling to work for free or a quest
>>315646434
oh well time for adventure?
>>315646578
And so you look onto the quest board to chose your first quest.
>>315646774
cave exploring
>>315646774
RRRRAAAAAAIIIIDDDD!
>>315646774
Bandit Exploring
>>315646774
Pick the "kill basement rats" quest.
>>315646774
ALL AT ONCE
>>315646774
Mushrooms, shit's healthy
>>315646774
Bandit Raid all the way
>>315646774
shroom time
>>315646774
Explore the Satyr Bard's cave
>>315646774
Go collect dem shrooms
We need foods after all
>>315646907
And so you head out to raid the bandits' hideout in the forest
>>315647258
you're going in the wrong direction.
>>315647258
WAIT A MINUTE THAT TREE
>>315647258
to warm up, challenge gladiator to a thumb wrestle match
winner gets to kill the last bandit
>>315647258
Burn the trees to find the hideout
>>315647258
Scream at the gladiator.
>>315647258
the bard stalks you because you broke her instrument
>>315647258
Make sure to oil each other up first, so the intimidate the bandits with your and the gladiator's well oiled physiques. Its not gay.
>>315647258
Charge in with fists flailing.
>>315647507
Punch!
>>315647507
Poke the tree
>>315647507
Fire it up.
>>315647507
Bite tree in half using your super strong teeth.
>>315647507
Mark territory
>>315647507
poke it with a stick while gladiatorbro readies a flaming punch in case it's a bandit trying to be sneaky
I love these threads ^w^
>>315647814
Rob whoever it is.
>>315647814
now punch yourself in the face
>>315647814
Follow it before it dissapears!
>>315647814
Wild HUGE ARMY OF SUPER-RICH-YET-INSANELY-WEAK GOBLINS appeared!
>>315647814
It's the bard from the inn!
>>315647814
Its the wizard from the inn!
>>315647814
It's the Lizard Wizard
>>315646774
shrooms
>>315647814
It was Chad teaching the kids how to be guerillas innawoods
>>315647879
"Hah! Robbing a robber? That's rich. Now hand over all your belongings and you won't get a knife to the face"
>>315648185
You can't rob a robbing robber!
>>315648185
Laugh at the puny dexfag, a barbarian can tank stabs even to the dick.
Now YOU can hand over YOUR belongings.
>>315648185
Punch his knife with your face!
Rob him!
>>315648185
Punch that faggy mask and hood off the robber's head and tell him how gay it is to hide your face like a pussy-ass bitch
>>315648185
pull out your poockets and shrug
>>315648185
Give him the empty toothpaste tube and continue on your way to the bandit camp.
>>315648319
"THEN LET'S TEST THAT SHALL WE?!"
The bandit lunges straight at you! Or more precisely, your dick!
>>315648603
CROTCH THRUST!
>>315648603
Chomp.
>>315648603
Bite him.
>>315648603
I'VE GOT BALLS OF STEEL
>>315648603
Do a Signature dick slap
>>315648603
Melt his knife with your fire finger. When he's distracted, punch him in the face.
>>315648603
Take the dagger from the tiny man, he will hurt himself.
>>315648603
Dixk becomes erect and hits the robber in the face. Roll to seduce.
>>315648698
"the fu-"
>>315649008
dickslap the bandir
>>315649008
Ask him if he wants to come rob people with you.
"Fight me and you get only tubes of toothpaste and bloody bruises. Join me and the gold of the Empire shall be yours."
>>315649008
give gladiabro a chance to stomp the robber while you hold the robber
>>315649008
Gladiator swoops in to fuck him up as you dick slap him
>>315649008
Got you now butterknife!
>>315649008
Time to interrogate him about the location of the rest of the bandits.
>>315649008
Use you charismatic smile to recruit him.
>>315649008
Knock him out, take his shit, take bandit.
>>315649008
recruit him against his will
>>315649087
>>315649008
Shit forgot to link.
>>315649143
"AGH! TOO BRIGHT!"
>>315649447
Ask him to join you in robbing others.
>>315649447
Recruit him or bite his face off, both are fine.
>>315649447
Undo the mask to reveal the robber as 'her'.
>>315649447
JOIN THE BRIGHT SIDE
why would we want someone to join our party who is blinded by fucking toothpaste? weak
>>315649604
We need an army, and we got nothing better.
>>315649529
"Fine, fine! I'll join, ok?"
You got: level 1 Bandit Recruit (with no knife)
>>315649447
New skill learned: weaponized smile
>>315649674
Ask him if that's a beard or a facemask.
>>315649674
Ask him if he's gay.
>>315649674
Ask if he knows where the other bandits are
>>315649674
Time to fuck up that bandit camp already!
>>315649674
Make him tell the hideout
>>315649674
Ok.
Go raid bandits of a guild opposing your own Bandit
>>315649778
"Its a mask. Since I'm one of the new recruits they gave me an old tattered one"
>>315649970
So you know where the bandits hide?
>>315649970
You're our bro now though. Give him a new mask made of your beard hair.
>>315649970
Interrogate him
>>315649970
Make him lead you to the others.
>>315649970
Draw a spooky skeleton jaw on the mask with the leftover toothpaste.
>>315649970
Can we wear a mask?
Take his mask and use it as a new loincloth
>>315649970
ask him if he takes it off, will he die
>>315650069
"Ah, the thing is, we're the only bandit guild in this region. Our leader has been aggressively expanding our teritory and any opposing guild were promptly absorbed or destroyed"
>>315650508
Discuss politics
>>315650508
BANE?
>>315650508
Good, so we don't have to choose which one to destroy. Lay on.
>>315650508
Make him take you to them
>>315650508
"Help us raid the Bandit Guild and you'll get a share of their gold"
>>315650508
>>315650561
Fuck it, raid a village.
We'll get too sidetracked if we get into politics with bandits.
>>315650638
"well, our base is right in the middle of the forest, just follow that sign there. It's the perfect disguise since everyone would think no bandit would be stupid enough to point out where they're hiding."
>>315650887
Go and perform the feat of strength they deem impossible to win all of them over a la Lawrence of Arabia
>>315650887
Turn the sign other way and chuckle to yourself, then proceed, pushing the dick-ass bandit first.
>>315650887
Make the bandit lead the way.
Or bite his face off.
>>315650998
And so you head on, intending to perform some impossible feat of strength to win over the bandits.
On your way, another one blocks your path.
"Recruit, what is the meaning of this?"
>>315651283
Watch him betray us.
holy shit its time for a new thread
>>315651283
Give the bandit the option to join you or have his face bitten.
>>315651283
Alright, time for impossible feat! Let's pick a tree up.
>>315651283
Use your charming smile to blind this fucker while your thief steals his shit
>>315651283
"This savage over here claims he can steal from the dragon who lives right below our lair!"
>>315651283
I will be your new leader.
>>315651283
Pose as captured barbarians to be brought to the bandit King.
>>315651283
Offer to suck his dick for some coppers.
>>315651356
"HELP ME SIR! I'M BEING HELD AGAINST MY WILL!"
"Let me guess, you tried to fight him head on didn't you"
"..y..yeah"
"You DEXfag recruits never learn"
>>315651696
Get capturedON PURPOSE
>>315651696
Punch the thief through the thief.
WHO'DA THUNK IT?
>>315651696
>>315651503
also, the other bandit was fuckin savage too, amirite?
>>315651696
STR VS DEX BATTLE GOOOOO
>>315651696
How about ripping a man in half? That sounds good for an impossible feat. Let's try it on that traitor.
>>315651696
Fire punch the big bandit in his face and drag the dex fag with you.
>>315651696
2v2 them with gladiator bro along your side
>>315651696
"THIS IS A STICKUP"
Use the Thief as a stick
>>315651696
Ghost punch through the traitor and hit the other bandit
>>315651889
"Too slow"
>>315652150
Thankfully, Gladibro has our back
>>315652150
Grab him by his smug Little dick and slam him to the ground.
>>315652150
chomp his fucking feet off
>>315652150
STR VS DEX BATTLE
>>315652150
Grab his shitty cape.
>>315652150
At that moment, gladiator bro stabs the big bandit in his back.
>>315652150
Why would you stand on my head?
What's the tactical value in that?
>>315652465
showing off
>>315652325
"Very well, come on then."
>>315652668
JOJO pose
>>315652668
*grab him by the throat*
BACK THE FUCK OFF!!
>>315652668
Scare him away by flexing
>>315652668
Throw 'em with your horned helmet
>>315652801
BACK THE FUCK OFF!?!?*
>>315652932
"GO FUCK A WHORE"
>>315652719
He throws a knife at your eye while you were readying to pose.
What dirty fighting
>>315653036
"I'm trying"
>>315653046
Pull it out like the man you are and throw it back at him
>>315653046
bite the knife and spit it back at him
>>315653046
Take the knife in your gut like a man
>>315653046
Gladibro stands in front of it and his armor reflects the knife to the traitor thief.
>>315653046
Melt it. We did that already.
>>315653259
You melted the knife.
Turns out it was a distraction, the bandit has disappeared
>>315653453
Gladiator, where the fuck where you?!?!?
This is what I pay you for.
>>315653453
Use your spectacularly shiny grin to confuse the bandit, making him stand still like a deer in headlights
>>315653453
Prepare for ambush
>>315653576
Since he disappeared, the only one you managed to confuse was the recruit
>>315653737
Knock him out and take his clothes.
>>315653737
Damnit, start punching trees randomly
>>315653737
Torture him for betraying us!
>>315653848
"You won't catch me with how slow you're moving"
>>315654083
Just kinda stretch your leg out
>>315654083
Feint attack left. Turn and surprise attack behind us.
>>315654083
Smash the ground around you so the shockwave hits him.
>>315654083
The bandit slips on a conveniently placed banana peel
>>315654083
SUDDENLY
>>315654083
Gladiator catches him, since he's been carefully analizing his movements and he can now predict where the thief will be.
What the hell is Gladiator doing, reading his Spatha Digest? Come on!
>>315654182
Your surprise managed to ruin his scarf.
"Damn, that was my favourite one, you'll pay for this"
>>315654510
Gladiator do something
>>315654510
Pay for his scarf
>>315654510
Use your INT stat to defeat him
>>315654083
"Can I go home now?"
>>315654510
Gladiator *teleports behind him and cuts him in half*
"Heh Nothing personnell Thief!"
>>315654617
"blegh"welp, page 10, new thread?If not, check here for updates https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>315655068
You don't get to quit
>>315655068
this is no time to quit goddamned
>>315655068
New thread
>>315655068
New thread, do it.
