>born ugly, literally deformed
>born without a father in my life to teach me to stand up for myself
>born to an overprotective single mother who berates me when I don't do something "right" (her way)
>born poor
>go to school
>everyone rejects, bullies and makes fun of me for being deformed and quiet, no matter how polite, friendly, funny, or outgoing I am
>clumsy as fuck because no depth perception so I'd trip and stumble all the time to their delight
>someone would push me in the hallway for giggles, I wouldn't even consider pushing them back because I just assumed I deserved it
>lose all self-esteem, become afraid of people and going outside, can't make a phone call, 0 friends, can't even buy a cup of coffee because of the social interaction required
>still like this today at 20, even after going to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, taking the whole gamut of pills that broke my dick and made me shit blood, lifting, going to college because I thought I could "man up" and power through everything wrong with me, dropping out to focus on therapy, etc.
But hey, it's totally all my fault, right? After all, only bad people fail in life, right? And someone else out there in vaguely similar circumstances managed to turn their life around, so that just means I'm stupid and lazy, right? And there are starving African children out there while I have food and a computer, so how dare I complain about not being able to go outside of connect with people despite deep down being perfectly able to, right? And I have a bitter attitude towards people after everything that's happened to me, so that justifies everything that's happened to me, right?
I am not absolving myself of all blame. I just want you to acknowledge that there are factors outside of my control responsible for much of my failure. You pride yourselves on your empathy, normies, but when it comes time to actually see things from someone else's perspective you balk at the idea and reveal you're incapable of it.
Please notice my thread, senpais.
>>29589499
I'm tired of these all these feels. When is it my turn to be happy? Why can't I just switch on? I'm so tired of the stress, pressure, and anxiety. I just. I just need to lay down for a bit. Just need to catch some rest and then maybe it will be better. I'm just tired...
>>29589499
They're never going to get it. If this thread takes off, the normalfags will come out and accuse you of deserving it
Similar situation here OP.
Life's not fair. There's things you can do to try to make it better but none of them have a 100 percent chance of succeeding. If you truly tried and failed, then that's that pretty much.
>>29589499
>born ugly, literally deformed
post your pic so we can see how you're actually a 5/10
>born without a father in my life to teach me to stand up for myself
>born to an overprotective single mother who berates me when I don't do something "right" (her way)
ok now this I believe
>>29589499
Embrace it, life isn't fair, try you best and If you fail, you'll have the satisfaction to know that you actually tried, it's shit but it's something.
>>29591343
>implying it's better when you are 5/10
In our world, being average is like being shit tier
>>29591113
Some people will never be happy and there is no reason why they will be happy. The world is a shitty place for some through almost no fault of their own.
>>29591399
>you'll have the satisfaction to know that you actually tried
Sometimes it's the opposite. Feels like you got cheated out of something but don't even have anyone to blame or hate.
>>29589499
>someone would push me in the hallway for giggles, I wouldn't even consider pushing them back because I just assumed I deserved it
hopefully you still don't think this way
It's all part of their invisible game. They have to pretend their accomplishments are their own, or else it has no value. In order the keep up their delusion they have to step on the ones who were born already crushed.
>>29589499
What fault is it?
Nobody said it's yours.
>>29591399
There's absolutely no satisfaction in failing in life, I don't care how you slice it. Life isn't a boxing movie. You're not fucking Rocky. No one's going to raise your hand after the fight and praise you for fighting like hell and giving it your all even though you ultimately lost. No one's going to praise you for being a fucking worthless loser. They'll just make fun of you and mock you and say you deserve it for not trying. And when you tell them that you are trying, have been trying all your life, every single day, but have just been failing and failing and failing, they just make fun of you and mock you some more.
All that matters in life is whether you succeed and are a normal, functioning person or if you fail and are a worthless, dysfunctional retard. There is no "try." Trying counts for jack shit if you don't eventually succeed.
>>29589499
Just lift brah. Be urself and get /fit/ :)
Just exercise and eat well Senpai
>>29594368
>This advice
Please die sometime soon
>>29589499
out of curiosity what is your deformation? or just very ugly?
>>29589499
shoot up a public place and give the society a little bit back.
At least thats what i'd do
>>29592144
why did i never realize this. those fucks just want to pretend all their accomplishments were because of "how amaaazzzzinnnng" they are, not because they grew up winning the life lottery.
According to this normie here:
>>29592736
All you have to do to git gud in life is weld, apparently. The fact that welding pays well means that noone who suffers doesn't deserve it.
>>29592610
Except, why succeed when nobody around you sees you as inherently good? Why respect someone when they won't offer you even a modicum of respect unless you suck up to their abstract definition of "success"?
I'm not asking to be loved by all, but if the entire world sees no value in me unless I "succeed" then why the fuck should I play their game?
Dude, just learn how to code, bro.
Most normies recognize that the world is unfair, Chad and Stacy with their perfect lives are the exception. Most normies are too consumed with their own problems to care too much about the struggles of others.
While the "starving kids in Africa" is an overused cliche, there is a bit of truth to it. There are people out there that basically get tonspend their day think about what will kill them first: starvation, disease, or some violent warlord's personal army.
>>29595388
>I'm not asking to be loved by all, but if the entire world sees no value in me unless I "succeed" then why the fuck should I play their game?
Different fella here. Ain't been shackled with very much to hold me down from several measures of success, really. I'll readily concede that I've not got a perfect picture, or anything even close, of what life experience you've had. Nor you of me!
I can't refute your claim that nobody in your direct sphere of contact/acquiantance gives you a lick of respect.
But I think that I can, with a degree of objectivity, say that you're wrong in saying the entire world sees no value in you.
You're a sentient being, for Christ's sake. You're the sole sovereign of your body and mind, and you've surely got some sort of value. Outside of literal mental invalids, I'd be very hard-pressed to find someone that can provide absolutely nothing to the species.
I give and receive respect freely, and I'd still consider myself a "loser", for the time being. I'm 24, living with mommy and daddy, holding a low-tier part-time job, and haven't finished my pseudoscience undergraduate degree yet. I don't consider myself sub-par in terms of achievement because of society's broader expectations. I'm not ashamed that I'm not in a relationship nor that I don't have very much expendable income or possessions.
I hold a bit of shame and negative emotion because I'm deeply aware that I've not lived up to the expectations that I should set for myself; that I'm squandering unique potential.
Guess what I'm trying (poorly) to say, is that simply because you find yourself in the lower echelon of society (either through intrinsic self-value or through subjective peer opinion), you are not at ALL obligated to stay that way.
>>29589499
Don't feel bad.
I was born decent looking, intelligent, and my family did they best they could, and I STILL fucked it up.
>>29595741
Yet, through all my life I've been given no true respect from anyone despite trying so fucking hard to get it.
Throughout my entire l life I've sacrificed my time, money and more to invite """"friends"""" to do things yet at the end of it I had NOTHING. Nobody ever messages me on Skype, Steam, my phone, etc. They actually respect me? Honestly, I fucking doubt it.
To me personally, the idea that the entire world outside my close family circle doesn't see any value in me is true. And in that case, please explain why I should stoop to their level instead of just doing what I want and eventually killing myself?
I'm a Brit and over the past few days the boomers who voted leave are saying "lets work together!" when they intentionally and willingly took away the rights I was born with and even further fucked up my future. That's just a specific example, but in the end if the world doesn't show any respect to someone like me why the fuck should I ever respect them?
>>29589499
You can still work with what you have
>>29589499
You don't have it any better, you don't have it any worse.
You're an irreplaceable human soul with your own understanding of what it means to suffer.
And that's a huge bummer.
>>29595978
I done told ya that I can't possibly refute your claim that you've never met a single person in your life that respected you for a moment.
After all, I don't know you from Adam, man!
All I am saying is that your claim that not one single unique, sentient individual on the entire planet would see an iota of value in you. Shit, I can dismiss that out of hand; outside of those afflicted with severe cognitive/learning disabilities, I see intrinsic value in any sentient human. You're capable of contributing to the species' technological, social, and spiritual advancement. Of course there's value present in you, simply from the fact that you're able to form words into sentences and those into coherent thoughts.
Now, I could go on all fucking day about the existence of "rights", my personal taste for nationalism and distaste for the EU, but I don't reckon it'll be helpful to you in this setting.
>please explain why I should stoop to their level instead of just doing what I want and eventually killing myself?
I'm not providing you with guidance or advice; just attempting to show you that you're making claims that are too broad to be intellectually competent, in a hope that you can work yourself out of this (to my perception) harmful mental framework that you've constructed through reason.
I've already stated that I hold as little credence in the views or expectations of other people. I don't at all expect, nor urge you to fulfill another individual or group's prescribed mode of life.
If your intrinsic desire is to watch anime and play video games until your support runs out, and which point you'll self-terminate, you can. That intrinsic desire is, unfortunately, no less valid than my own. I'd like you to keep in mind that you can, quite readily, change your intrinsic motivation over time.
I don't feel as though this can be a conversation between you and I, although I hope I'm wrong.
Good luck, lad.
>>29589499
The Internet has made it abundantly clear that the "just-world fallacy" only is acceptable when women mention it.
If males mention the "just-world fallacy", people do not accept it, and go off on heated autistic tangents about how men don't have it hard, and we all just need to "man up", and so on and so forth.
Remember anon, men are bad and women are good. Only women can have problems, apparently.
Spending your life trying to appease the egos of normalfags is no way to live.
This entire game that they have crafted throughout these generations will always be rigged against you.
They pretend otherwise just so that they can think that they have accomplished it through their own blood, sweat, and tears.
It's all bullshit dumb luck.
You should live the way you want to and focus on your own happiness, not the happiness of some normalfag who takes every fucking opportunity to emotionally torture you while justifying every last minute of it.
>>29596290
you're literally the only person in this thread who jumped to that conclusion so I think it's safe to say that it might be time for you to reevaluate your world view
>>29596384
Kill yourself. I've seen it plenty of times. /r9k/ has plenty of people that come on here and play this "man up, no excuses" game, but that's another discussion for another day.
>>29596267
I know that some people can see value in me, but in the bubble I live in none of them do. I've been to god knows how many job interviews with noone even giving me a chance, the aforementioned friend situation means I have no social contact at all if I'm not forced into it.
I'm not denying that I have no value, but what use is value when nobody around you sees said value? The /pol/ world we live in has not taught people to value success yet also value life, it's taught people to ONLY value success.
As for the EU thing. I've lived my life with the knowledge that I could live in 26 other countries if I wanted to, that I could pursue my dreams as a filmmaker because EU funding is the only thing holding our industry up. Now those are gone because some old codgers valued noone else but themselves. I don't give a FUCK about immigration or "culture" because that culture has shown me no love whatsoever.
And my intrinsic desire in life is to create, create films most specifically. I've grown that desire yet because I'm not a rich fucker living in Hollywood (or at least America) all I can do is linger in mediocrity in a world that doesn't care. Most artists die unloved and poor as fuck, they're only "valued" once their paintings are considered historical and they can earn people money.
>although I hope I'm wrong
You're probably right, i don't know.
>>29596418
>Kill yourself
haha yeah. i wish. maybe someday, man. maybe someday i'll be free
>>29596498
Oh fuck off with your emo bullshit. You only want to die because you're a stupid little faggot. Don't get me wrong, I want you dead too, but you're just a little faggot bitch that can't handle life.
OP you just need to shower
>>29589499
Your mother gave up a huge amount of her life to ensure that you could make it to your age safely. And you are going to take your life because you are a little faggot shit who can't cope with reality. Yeah, you should probably do it. I would literally take a nigger over you.
>>29589499
i feel with you senpai
>>29596713
>>29596556
>Le life is too hard meme
Roo
>>29589499
You should post that in a normie forum or something OP. Let's see what they have to say about that.
>>29596480
I'm probably about to get ass-slammed here at work, so I'll have to let ya go. Cheers for the replies.
I'm a bit confused on what you mean by "the /pol/ world we live in". The ideals that many folks there have aren't really pervasive in society at large; no matter the result of Brexit.
I hope you can create something lovely. I'd like to do the same, although not with film.
>>29596556
hahaha yeah of course man, i'm, like, so hurt right now or whatever
>>29596842
Thanks for the advice, anon.
What I mean by "the /pol/ world we live in" I mean the ultra-capitalist, "money is everything" world, where everything is fine if it helps the economy unless it's identity politics like muh immigrants.
>>29596930
If you're still here I'd like to clarify that /pol/ was perhaps not the best term to use. It's just the "Ultra capitalist with a side order of identity politics" world we live in.
>>29589499
What is your deformity OP? I have a cleft lip and palate myself. To think that a momentary event in the womb changed the entire nature of my existence. If I had been born normal maybe I would be out with friends instead of alone in my room and would have had physical contact with women who weren't prostitutes by now.
>>29596713
>gave up her life
If anything, parents are in debt to their children became reproduction is only ever willingly done because of one's selfish desire to pass on their genes. No one has ever had a child in the interest of the previously non-existing entity.
Giving your entire life for your children is the only way to be forgiven for forcing life on them.
>>29595978
>Nobody ever messages me on Skype, Steam, my phone, etc. They actually respect me? Honestly, I fucking doubt it.
This hits way too close to home.
> I can go for days without contact with group due to depression
>not a peep from them
>>29596930
being a creative individual in a capitalist environment is ridiculously hard and awful but thankfully the internet is the key to living your dreams. the bubble you live in is probably super limited and isn't a representation of everyone. there's tons of pockets of people and interests and if you have an idea for a film you want to make, go out there and drum up some support on kickstarter! just get a youtube account and see where it takes you. post little videos or ideas on instagram. monetize with patreon. the internet is here for you to use it, and there are people out there who want to support you.
they might not be easy to find, but they're definitely not going to be where you've already looked so it's time to try something different. if you love film, you can make it happen for yourself, i believe in you anon!
>>29597125
I'm just not seeing how. Look at the front page of YT, it's ALL clickbait tripe. In theory the internet holds massive potential for everyone to create new things but in actuality it's just another money-making machine. The entire breadth of human knowledge is available at our fingertips yet school is still required to get people to learn.
Though I will create something. I'm writing a screenplay at the moment for a short film and I'm deliberately making it so that it needs only two actors and can be filmed with little to no SFX in my local area. I'd write the premise here but I'm too embarrased to do so.
But I seriously doubt that when I post that online it's going to get even a modicum of popularity. I've seen too many 300 views short films out there to put myself up as anything better.
Justice merely means that each person receives what he deserves.
Confusion about the notion of a "just world" arises when people mistakenly conflate the systems of justice that man has built and the far more immediate, far more brutal, justice administered by Nature.
Moral evil and Natural evil are often very different things. A criminal sins against man by his actions, and by virtue of this is subject to the sort of justice that man has the ability to administer. Likewise, a repulsive man sins against Nature through his ugliness, and Nature punishes him accordingly.
Society can sentence and execute a handsome murderer, but has no power to make him any less desirable to women. Society can reward a repulsive man for his good works, but it will never have to the power to make women love him.
We become frustrated when we expect Nature to play by the same rules as society, and find that She adamantly refuses to do so. She is a goddess after all, and a particularly inhumane one. We can't say for sure whether she listens to prayers, but that really doesn't matter, does it?
Look around and you'll realize in very short order that even if she can hear our prayers, she doesn't care enough to answer them.
>>29597264
300 living breathing human beings seeing your first work isn't enough for you? that's selfish.
300 is exactly what you should be aiming for with a first project.
on patreon, even just 300 fans giving you 1$ is a sizeable reward for doing something that made you feel creatively fulfilled, like your life was worth something that you cared about.
it's about doing what you love, not about finding an audience for it.
>>29596930
I'm glad to help.
Really, though. That little phrase is very-often just a pleasantry, like a "no problem!" or a "dont worry about it!"
Giving help, even in the paltry form of some pseudo-intellectual text encouragement/advice, is one of my intrinsic duties. I'm obligated (by some nebulous, more powerful force or by my own psyche) to do what I can. It helps me, too man. Symbiotic!
Try not to place everyone with an interest in, as you say, identity politics in the same boat. You'll notice that I've not thrown any of it into what I've said; however, I do strongly feel that the nation-state is the most suitable vehicle at this time for technological, societal, and spiritual progress for the species as a whole. Part of that is a shared identity; something to make a collection of individuals into a "team", more or less.
Try not to assume that anyone with nationalist leanings is your run-of-the-mill ethno-supremacist or reactionary jackass.
On another note, you guys have been talking about nobody messaging you. If you've simply got no acquiantances at all, this makes sense. But if you've got people that you'd even loosely refer to as "friends", do remember that the possibility exists that they just reckon you don't want to go hang out.
Between good fortune, good area, and decent attitude, I've had a good set of friends for some time, and still do. Even so, I'm on fucking /r9k/, right? Obviously, for a good amount of the time, I don't want much besides staring at a monitor for weeks on end; especially years in the past.
So for weeks, my buddies wouldn't say shit to me. First time I'd hit them up, I'd find something fun to do with them easily. They've told me bluntly, "shit man, just figured you wanted some time to yourself like usual, dormant cave asshole sorta thing"
Not claiming that this is your situation; but it might be.
Work's cheerfully so fucking slow right now, so I ain't gone anywhere.
>>29597369
>300 is exactly what you should be aiming for with a first project.
hell, with any project. i could tell you hundreds of tales of people who failed countless times and over night things turned around. i could tell you thousands of stories of people who never failed, and never succeeded, just stayed at 300 fans their entire careers. and i could tell you millions of stories about people who never tried at all.
and only one of those groups will truly regret how their story went.
it really really is not about how many people see your shit. art is not a meritocracy and fans do not decide the quality of your work, as much as it may feel that way
>>29597369
I do guess when you put it that way it's not too bad.
But like I said, I get no social support or contact whatsoever. All depression advice talks about friends but I have NONE. Since I've left school I can't even be the TV, house and food provider to a bunch of acquaintances anymore. It's all well and good saying "it's not about finding an audience" but when you have noone but your parent and brother supporting you one needs some form of encouragement, and 300 people with 2 comments that might not even be positive is not enough.
I know it's selfish, but everyone's allowed to be a bit selfish. I also deeply, deeply hate myself and the idea that I could find value in my own work is alien to me, I couldn't see it as anything but shit if I tried.
>>29597424
Eh, I don't agree with your views but frankly I don't care. I'm never one to get angry over people not agreeing with me on the internet.
And as for my situation, you've got it entirely wrong unfortunately. I'll go into it in my next reply.
>>29596792
>le
Go back to where you came from. You know where that is.
>>29596879
Why are you being sarcastic now when you said you wanted to die earlier? You seem like a slut that can only get depressed when Chad doesn't want to date her. Other than that, you're always "chill". You're behaving like them right now.
>>29597424
As for my situation, I'd love for it to just be a misunderstanding. After starting Uni I've been so socially stunted that I've made 0 friends whatsoever, and it's hard to say whether I've even made an acquaintance. This is because in the 7 years of mandatory school prior I was not invited to something a SINGLE time; this is despite hanging out with people most times and inviting these same people over.
Even smaller things that don't require any logistics whatsoever like playing online games or chatting I was rarely, if ever, let in on. I know they're having big games of CS:GO, TF2, whatever all with a long-running group chat but I'm never, ever send a request to join. This isn't weeks, it's entire years without a single Steam or Skype message.
That's why I don't see anyone seeing any value in me. Clearly other people have got something I haven't.
good luck anon, i hope you find happiness
>>29597619
Just saying it was a possibility.
If you were in the lovely land of Dixie and I could get a measure of how you are in real life, go out to a bar or something, it'd be different.
It is very dangerous to offer advice, guidance, insight, or anything like that on the internet. We've no knowledge of one another. All we're fit to do is share our experiences.
I'm very friendly with folks in university, but I've not made anyone I'd consider a friend there in 3 years. I was lucky to end up parked in a small, rural town somehow possessing at least 7-8 people of good character and like mind to myself. Still running with them.
Sorry I can't be more helpful. Anything else I say will probably be for my own pontificating benefit, so I'll leave you to it for real this time.
I wish you luck.
>>29597778
Thanks for talking anyway, anon. I never expected hard concrete answers because frankly I've spent the last 8 years trying and nothing has worked.
>>29597537
interesting!! i guess i've never personally put artistic attention and friend attention together - which, as i type this, i find to be a total lie, i have definitely been creative in an attempt to win friends (like being known for hand making birthday gifts so i get invited to bday parties)
i guess what i was trying to get at was that fan attention doesn't validate your WORK, but you are right in that it totally validates your soul, and that is an equally, if not more important, thing to nourish. and you're right, selfishness is also an important freedom.
i wish i could do something for you anon. i could talk at you all day but it's all just words, i can't force meaning into them beyond the way you interpret what i say. i think you're a very important person and i wish that your environment made you feel that way. i wish that depression advice didn't make you feel alienated, because i don't think that friends are an important aspect of living with depression. personally being alone is when i am most able to touch the center of my sadness and come to terms with it for a time. journalling is infinitely more helpful than talking through my issues. friends come and go but the only thing can't ever leave is yourself. idk. i hope you find your way, friend.
>>29597850
Yeah, fan attention should never be the decider of quality (though derision can sometimes be, it's not always the case) in a piece of work. However, having someone look at something I made and go "I like this!" validates myself more than anything, that I'm not just useless.
And yeah, I might begin a journal. The thing is, I'm personally fine being alone, but I also hate having no options. It's why I hate Brexit so much, because it's removing my options in life drastically. Even if you never use them for emotional support, just having the ability to call a friend and ask them to go out, or having the chance that the same is done to you, is so important.
Thanks for all the kind words, both of you anons. Nice talking to someone on here who doesn't reply with a cacophony of frogs screaming.
>>29597937
hahaha i love frogs but they do get loud sometimes.
i've had a fair bit of trouble making friends over the years as well and i've tried to become better at understanding the process.
i think what it really comes down to is that you befriend the people that you spend most of your time with and that are convenient to be around...like, most adult's friends are their kid's friend's parents. and even if you don't especially like those people, you start spending time together and developing shared experiences that are the foundation of the relationship. it has so much more to do with where you spend your day than with the actual quality of your personality.
so, i don't know about you, but personally, though i had plenty of acquaintances in high school, none of them really turned into friends, because i never participated in extra curriculars with them, i never went on optional field trips, i paid attention in class and didn't pass notes or anything. so i didn't develop any of those shared experiences and no one thought i even wanted to be invited to those tf2 games or group chats. that's just my experience
>>29596713
>to ensure that you could make it to your age safely
So? This means nothing, you could do that by sticking them in a metal cage
Stop with this kind of guilt tripping garbage
>>29591432
Average is worse than than ugly because it makes you even less noticeable
