Lost my virginity today at a bar
You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
>live with parents, khv, NEET-turned-reluctant-wagecuck
>order steak sandwich and other food for to go for family on my way home from wagecuckery
>two drunk women at the bar
>one started talking to me and then the other
>both in their 50s, I'm 26
>they told me that some other young guy in his early 20s was hitting on them before
>they talked about how good it was that a young guy was hitting on them
>they started saying how sexy I am and that I must get a lot of girls
>khv before this but I just shrugged it off
>started lighting matches from my matchbook to impress them
>ended up having sex with one of them in my car
>basically threw herself at me
>showed up at home at my parents house an hour late
>asked where I was
>said I went to the grocery store (I did and brought home a bunch of groceries)
>>27685045
Hope you wore protection anon
>>27685045
>started lighting matches from my matchbook to impress them
what
other than that, good job anon. this gives me hope.
>>27685081
I did. Used condom I found along the highway
>>27685118
That's the sport, champ!
>>27685103
Did it out of nervousness. Carry a book of matches around
>>27685045
>both in their 50s
I'm sorry, I chuckled a bit- please forgive me. If you had fun I'm glad.
>>27685045
I seriously laughed at you as I read
>started lighting matches from my matchbook to impress them
My mind can't wrap itself around this degree of autism. What exactly is impressive about lighting matches?
>>27685227
Fire is dangerous
>>27685164
Did you light the matches off your stubble or something? What was the impressive part?
Hope you enjoyed it. How did you finish?
There's a single mother waiting for you to take responsibility for Jamal's children in the near future, anon.
>>27685296
He made a thread on fourchan, duh
>50s
I'm so sorry.
>>27685296
I came on her back. I said "yeah baby, you like it when big daddy fucks you rough, you like this big cock inside of you". I was quiet at first but felt I should say something. I gave her a back massage as I fucked her.
I lasted about 2 minutes of intermittent fucking.
i'm going to pick up some food right now
what are my chances i'll lose my virginity?
>>27685560
Probably zero if you aren't carrying around your emergency matchbook
What were your first thoughts as you put penis in vagina?
>>27685576
well... i have a zippo
bitches like zippos r-right??
>>27685560
It depends what difficulty level you set the game on. I was playing on rookie. Set the pussy sliders to high success rate.
>>27685560
~80%
You have been muted for 2 seconds, because your comment was too low in content (00.0% content).
You have been muted for 4 seconds, because your comment was not original.
Jesus fucking Christ robot can't a guy make a post.
>>27685584
Resentment for what I missed out on and resolve to get more. It was good. I even ate pussy. I've wanted to eat pussy for years and I fap to the thought every night.
>>27685118
good on you for recycling im sure people in africa are in dire need of condoms and im glad we are getting extra use out of ours.
I didn't take pictures or video. One was blonde, other brunette, both smokers. Don't even know their names.
>>27685697
I meant I used a condom I found that was still in the wrapper. It hadn't been used.
>>27685736
it's still been lying in the sun. that degrades the latex
>>27685045
>started lighting matches from my matchbook to impress them
>>27685736
oh it was still in the package.
okay i was just being a clever faggot.
>>27685978
right wtf lmao, gratz tho OP haha
What does it feel like to cum in a girl?
>>27685978
dont laugh at him anon, unless his story is not made up it obviously worked. matchstick lighting confirmed for getting you laid.
>having sex with a post wall disgusting used up old slut
>not a young, tight qt virgin
Kys
How can you last more than 4 minutes fucking? I always blow my load so fast.
>>27685045
oh god i just realised he fucked a drunk 50 something old hag
why did you do this OP this is disgusting
this 20 something guy obviously does not exist
>>27686259
>on anti-depressants in high school
>could fuck for an hour and not cum
>have ED at 24
>have to manually get myself hard
>by the time it's hard enough to get in I've got a good 30 pumps tops before I knot
Last girl I tried to have sex couldn't get hard at all...
I'd trade up my memories to be a virgin with a functioning cock for god's sake. I don't even feel human let alone like a man anymore.
>>27686541
as much as I hate my debilitating premature ejaculation problem (yes, I even only last a minute of pumping while fapping too), I'd rather have that than ED. Not having a reliably working penis sounds awful.
>>27686259
Only 2 minutes
>>27686598
Yes, it's not great.
The look in a girl's eye when she looks up at you after she's had your flaccid cock in her mouth for a minute with no result is soul shattering.
>>27685282
>The weak should FEAR the strong.
Ebin originals
>started lighting matches from my matchbook to impress them
Something is off here OP....
Are you telling the truth? Be honest.
>>27685530
See
>>27685914
If you want to last more
