> psychiatrist asks me If I ever think about killing myself
> say no
> I actually do every day
>mom says she's going to the store and asks if I want her to get me anything
>say no
>actually did
We /mischief/ now
>>27545957
>tip jar says "remember to tip if you enjoyed!! :D"
>I did enjoy
>leave no tip
>>27545957
> be checking out at walmart
> cashier tells me to have a nice day
> I dont
> End of Mass
> Priest says "go in peace to love and serve the Lord"
>I don't
>>27546015
>tip jar says "remember to tip if you enjoyed!! :D"
>I didn't enjoy
>left a tip anyway
>>27545957
>customer tells me "don't work too hard"
>work my ass off and go home tired as fuck
>>27545957
I don't get the reasoning, like obviously you can never tell a therapist about suicide because they'll have you committed against your will making everything a ton worse. It's like they want you to not let your problems get fixed
>Toilet out of order
>Shit in it anyway
>>27545957
>diagnosed anorexic
>only allowed to leave hospital if I promise to eat as much as I can to fully recover
>make myself throw up when I get home
>Give dollar to homeless man
>he says "God bless you"
>he doesn't
>qt asian girl in my chemistry class asks me if I want to hang out at her place
>say "lol ew no way"
>she speed walks away looking at the ground
>I'm actually desperately in love with her and would do anything to be with her
>>27546100
How do you fucking live with yourself, you monster?
>enter devilish thread
>everyone posting unfunny, predictable joke replies
>post serious greentext story
>counselor asks If I'm ready to leave the ward
>say yes
>I'm not
>>27546872
>enter devilish thread
>try to make a funny post
>it's actually terribly unfunny
>>27546245
Strange. My therapist keeps harping on me to accept 4 different types of medications and all I have is depression.
>doesn't give me any advice on how to resolve my issues
It's like the entire system is designed to keep a client base just like any other business.
>>27545957
>family wishes me happy birthday
>Spend my birthday alone, sulking in my dorm with the lights off the whole day.
>>27546053
>be checking out at supermarket
>qt checkout operator smiles and says hi
>stare at her blankly and say nothing
>>27545957
>parents ask me if I'm gay
>say no
>I actually am
>>27546872
>enter devils thread
>complain it's not funny
>actually find the posts funny
>>27545957
That's smart. If you say yes, they'll ask a couple more leading questions and then have you forcefully committed to a psyche ward.
Never admit that you're considering suicide if you actually have any intention of doing it. Not even on an anonymous hotline: they'll trace your call. Keep it a secret unless you want to be locked in a padded cell and injected with thorazine.
>>27545957
>post in a /soc/ rate thread
>use a model's face and rate everybody sub5
>>27545957
>mummy says 15 more minutes till bedtime
>stay up 20 more minutes
>>27546478
Do you not care that you might die as a result of this behaviour?
>>27546973
It is. Therapy is a for profit industry. They get paid not only by you, but by drug companies who give them commission for what they prescribe.
>your fucking face when you realize psychology is a liberal arts degree, not a science degree, in the same category as women's studies
>your face when you realize psychology has no agreed upon doctrine or core beliefs. 2 psychologists could literally not share a single belief and neither would be more correct than the other since there's no actual foundation to base them off of
>your face when this means a psychologist can make up anything an no one can call them on it
>your face when the average recycle rate of psychology ideas is 10 years. Meaning every 10 years what they teach future psychologists to get their degree is completely unrecognizable from 10 years before
>your fucking face when this all adds up to a psychologist doing what ever they can to maximum profits.
>>27546973
It depends I believe, not all depressions are caused by social problems, and even when they are, sometimes medication can give you the boost required to resolve them of your own accord. Sometimes.
>>27547202
not really family
anorexia is no worse than your fatty american
>>27547156
>post shopped chad facemorph pic of me in /soc thread
>rate all the girls sub 5
>kek at all the (you)
>>27547213
>your face when you realize the only benefit of psychiatry is having someone to talk to
>your face when you realize this is what friends are for
We literally have to buy a friend
>>27547213
That's the US for you, things are quite different over here on the NHS. Psychology is a science degree in most UK universities I'm familiar with, too.
>>27547245
Well, it tends to kill much more quickly in severe cases, but whatever.
>>27547265
I'm not from US and UK psychology is no better. It's still not science because there's not a single thing objective or falsifiable about it. It's not science, regardless of what country it's taught in or how credible the school is.
>>27546665
one_off.png
>>27545957
>gf asks me if I love her
>say yes
>I'm actually gay
>>27547251
Not even a true friend, they most likely don't particularly care for you, certainly not to the same extent as a friend. Can you imagine what it would be like to be a psychiatrist who was actually close to all their patients? Knowing that a person could end up killing themselves at any time? They wouldn't be able to cope.
>>27546694
m e m e
e
m
e
speeci spice
what in the fuck is wrong with my content
>>27547132
*67 blocks your number.
>>27547318
What do you mean by not objective? Psychology does make falsifiable claims, for example saying that people meeting criteria for depression are more likely to commit suicide than those that don't is a falsifiable claim.
I caught my sister blowing her boyfriend.
couch to watch some TV. So, I figured I'd go over and try to scare the hell out of them.
This blanket was located right in front of one of our air conditioners(it's about a foot or two higher than your head would be when you sit underneath it.) Just wanted to elaborate on that so you understand why they didn't know I was here at this point.
Anyway, I sneak up to the blanket and sit right next to the blanket. Remember, it's a sectional, so no counterweight issues, someone could sit right next to you and you would never know as long as they're on their own section, and each section seats one. I sit there for a second, thinking about what to do, and it hits me. I grab the side of the blanket, whip it over my head, and scream "HAY GUYZ, WUTS GOIN ON IN DIS BLANKET?!" No one would have understood the joke as I'm the only robot in my family, but the poetry of the phrase itself is reward enough for the gag.
Just as I get to the word "on", I see my answer and it slows down, so it was more like "Hey guys, what's goin on...in..this blanket...". There she was, my 15 year old sister on her knees in front of her boyfriend, his half erect cockn'balls hanging out the top of his shorts.
But still, I finished my sentence. I don't know why I did it, I saw wut wuz goin on in dat blanket long before I finished my question. It's not like if I finished it, we'd all forget the situation and have a hearty laugh, him with his dick hanging out, her with a sweaty, red-as-a-baboon's-ass face from embarassment and sucking his dick under a hot blanket for god knows how long. Anyway, I'm sitting there with my mouth wide open, with her's open as well (out of shock, not lockjaw,) and I'm shifting my eyes all over the room trying not to make eye contact with either of them. He's covering his crotch with the blanket, with his hand propping it up, trying not to get precum all over the thing.
>regular user of /pol/
>agree with a lot of that board
>convince people to vote for Trump
>vote for Sanders in the primary anyway
>>27547502
>>27547459
>>27547441
>>27547392
>>27547362
>>27547347
>>27547336
>>27547328
>>27547318
>>27547289
>>27547265
>>27547251
>>27547249
>>27547245
>>27547233
>>27547213
>>27547202
>>27547197
>>27547156
>>27547132
>>27547110
>>27547109
>>27547078
>>27547039
>>27546973
If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all who claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think everything you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told you should want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned......
>>27547441
I mean physicists all follow the same laws of physics that can be objectively proven and no matter where the physicists branch off too further a long the career path they all have the same beliefs and core. Every science is opporates in terms of mass, distance, time, and charge. Every part of science can be described in those terms and measured.
Psychology is not like this. There is no core psychology and none of it is measurable in any kind of physical sense. At best they can show correlations, but even that is rarely substantial. There's no "laws of psychology" because there's nothing measurable or direct about it. That's why psychologists are all so different and sometimes hostile to each other, because they can have completely different theories that are nothing alike because psychology has no solid base or foundation.
Therapy can work because talking helps, and some psychologists might even be especially good at it, but psychology as a field is not scientific in any sense.
>>27547522
tldr desu famalamdingdong
>>27545957
I can't even say no senpai. Got halfway and just stopped and stared ahead trying to keep my composure for 5 minutes
> Tell professor I can't take midterm because train hit someone and was cancelled
> It actually was because of cleanup
> More time to study now
> Thank train guy for making a mess
>>27545957
That's the smart move OP.
There are some things you CAN tell the system, and there are some things you CAN'T.
That is one thing you CAN'T.
>>27546081
>May the Lord be with you
>Still say "And with You"
>at olive garden
>waitress starts grating cheese on my pasta
>"just tell me when"
>don't say anything
>>27547579
Very true.
Also, be careful of psychiatrists. Their industry, when compared to psychology, is especially geared to pill pushing.
>boss asked if I could come into work tomorrow
>I told him yes
>tomorrow is April fools day
>>27547796
>"Anon, where are you?"
"April fools!"
>"Anon you're fired."
"Oh."
>>27547522
I hate pieces of shit like you that quote half the thread's posts in one reply. I hope you die alone in agony.
>>27547758
>Still say "And with You"
>implying it was ever "and with you"
>implying it wasn't "and also with you"
Exposed as a fake Christian who never actually goes to church
>>27545957
He's never asked that to me. But I'd be honest, maybe it is a crucial fact to change medication
>>27545957
>doctor asks me not to have coffee before she tests my blood pressure because it makes it sky rocket
>do it anyway
>watch her freak out about it and organize me to see heart specialists at the hospital
kek
>>27546478
Ahh the old ana/bul combo, a personal favorite
>open WoW chest
>take everything but the best item
>>27547773
Upvote.
When did reddit start using captcha?
>>27549868
Food is like the only thing I can control in my life so being anorexic makes me feel like I have power.
>mom's birthday tomorrow
>my suicide will be my gift to her
>go to doctor for a headache
>recommends painkillers
>take a lethal dose of morphine instead
>>27550034
damn that sounds pretty rough, but if it makes you feel good that's what matters.
I just love being skinny, laying on my back and running my fingers along my exposed ribcage, honestly the only thing I find enjoyable in life.
>mfw captchas are always food
>>27550642
I'm pretty much never hungry so it's easy. Prolly since I get heart burn a lot when I lay down and I have no desire to eat food untill later in the afternoon.
>>27550674
what does your diet look like? I just eat 1 meal a day and fast a few days each week.
Never had any trouble with heartburn, do you know the cause?
>>27550708
I drink a lot of diet coke so that's probably why I get heart burn. I'm probably the most thirsty person on the planet.
My diet is vegan and I eat small snacks/ meals later in the day. I like clif bars/luna bars a lot. I only go for foods that are really low in fat.
>>27550762
damn you shouldn't drink diet soda, the sugars they use fuck you up and also soda dehydrates you my man
>>27547522
Oh look, a Fight Club quote. I wish real life worked like that, friend. But it doesn't. You either get with the program that everybody is pushing for or you get kicked to the fucking curb.
>>27550773
You're probably right but it's pretty much an addiction at this point. Gotta have my caffeine.
It seems like threads don't get the new theme until someone posts in them. This is a test.
>>27547579
>I mean physicists all follow the same laws of physics that can be objectively proven
Completely wrong fampai. Apart from a very few core tenets, physicists doing actual research can't agree on anything. And if you think laws can be objectively proven, you're sorely mistaken
>>27547522
lol no m8
>Gf asks if im free after work
>say i'm not
>I am
>>27546759
God i swear i did some things like this 8 or 9 years ago when i was in highschool and i still feel the pain some nights when im about to sleep...
>people ask how my day is going
>I say "livin the dream"
>I'm not living the dreamalso no one ever asks how I'm doing
>student asks a question about how man came from monkeys if monkeys are still around
>tell her very calmly that the monkeys are just the ancestors of a common link between humans and monkeys
>all of that's complete hogwash, evolution is just a made up "theory" that professors like me teach to everyone so as to feed more souls to our wrathful god, Baal
>>27545957
>Come home and cat runs up to me
>Cat meows
>don't meow back
>>27550034
On a normal day I would make fun of anorexic people but I know that I can't even control my food intake. I literally have no control over what I put inside my mouth. God I am so pathetic.
>>27552586
>Apart from a very few core tenets, physicists doing actual research can't agree on anything. And if you think laws can be objectively proven, you're sorely mistaken
Completely wrong fampai. If you think otherwise, you're sorely mistaken
>>27545957
>in a shop and need to go to the toilet
>have to pay some qt worker 50 pence to get in
>pay up and go in and trash the place
>smear shit on walls and write on them with my marker
>go out and complain and say I want money back
>she says shes not allowed to give refunds
>complain so much she gives me 50 pence out her own pocket to make me go away
>call her a stupid whore and complain to manager
>masturbate to the thought of her later
>>27547758
>Star Wars movie says "Maybe the Force be worth you"
>Say in my head "and also with you"
Nobody knows my heretical thoughts
>>27546913
L U C I F E R'S C H I L D
U
C
I
F
E
R'
S
C
H
I
L
D
>>27547197
>tell mummy I'll finish when I get to a save point
>run past the next save point and keep playing
![1404410641086[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/XLzpShx.jpg "1404410641086[1].jpg")
>go to the bathroom on time
>sit down on the toilet and pee in my pants anyway
![1424834557301[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/LhZ4wkX.jpg "1424834557301[1].jpg")
>>27555444
Diabolical Double Trips
>have suicidal tendencies
>stand on bridge
>some guy comes in
>we talk about life and how it's important to live
>guy smiles
>smile back
>he thinks that i'm fine
>jump anyway
>>27555528
>sit on the edge of a bridge
>guy sits next to me and tries to talk to me
>push him off
>tell the cops he jumped and i tried to stop him
>they pat me on the back and say I tried my best
>>27554209
How are you doing?
And before you ask, yes, this is an original comment.
>Pick all the street names in captcha
>Pick 3 street names and 1 stop sign.
>One day a google car is going to stop and STOP street and crash
>go to mall w/ gf
>tell her to wait 15 min
>never come back
>>27545957
lying to your psychiatrist is a sure way to get the help you need, freakizoid.
