What makes you horrible?what makes you care?why can't you just deal with it?

>>25186613
i elaborated in this post >>25186495 but basically i have a sick desire to hurt others and be hurt too. my gf broke up with me, she said i abused her and manipulated her and i probalbly did. there's this terrible pain in my whole body when i'm sober. it feels like something's wrong with just bieng a human being or conscious being or whatever you want to call it. it feels destructive and dangerous. i can't find anything to make it go away except drugs and alcohol. they make me feel better for a few fleeting hours before it's time to be sober again. teu stimulate my chimp brain to make me feel happier, a appiness where i'm not completely conscious and aware. i feel so alone in this but it feels like everyone feels the same way as me.

>>25186802
What do you think this "sickness" came from?do you like hurting or do you just feel like doing it?why can't you just deal with it?(i know the last one sounds particularily stupid but i never understood how could people not be able to cope with themselves

>>25186934
i don't know i've been abused by my parents my whole childhood and teenage years, ive been neglected and forgotten. it makes you wish for death in this cold world. the reality is no one could ever care about you. its just simply out of their nature, youre not a part of their concsiousness. empathy is a chemical thing, it's only evolutionary primality but not a part of our real consciousness. it gives me great happiness to hurt other and to be hurt, it is a part of the human condition to want these things. it is simply inevitable, a part of any self-aware organism. there is no way to deal with it other than drugs, which stimulate the instinctal chimp parts of the brain, and lying to one's self that this is not thte case. i was never good with lying to myself, so i have to resort to drugs.

you can see wars amongst monkeys and other non-aware organisms but they're not capable of true evil, they are following base insticts. by reaching full consciousness, as humans have done, you reach the capablitiy to choose to hurt others, and it feels really nice. that's why humans torture one another and inflict pure evil upon each ohter, they enjoy watching each other suffering in a way that non-aware organisms cannot. consciuousness produces a care for only the self, and when mixed with other consciousenesses it can only produce pure evil.

>>25187106
What makes you think empathy is not a"true feeling"?not something i'd say is incorrect,Just interested in the subject.also what we would naturally want is not really important since most people follow the rules of society around them,a bit modified to suit their experience and needs.
I feel like you are making right points(the part about empathy i would like source on),but you seem a bit exxagerating on the direness of people in a typical way depressed people,influenced by negative thiughts and negative personal experiences do

>>25187281
because it only makes sense evoulutionarily, there's no reason for two conscious beings to care about one another. they are two seperate organisms. empathy comes from the evolutionary part of the brain because socieities need to protect each other to survive. unfortunately the evil side of war and destruction won out, which produced concsiousness. i'm not depressed, i was depressed before and i know what it feels like. this is just pure discomfort with being a conscious, self-aware being and all the destruction that comes with it.

>>25187395
I am sorry i didn't mean depressed as in really deoressed,just sad people.i really don't see what makes it so obvious,seems like a rather complex and unsure topic,eventhough i agree with you i think it is possible that we are wrong.have a good night or day or whatever,i am going to sleep.

Thank you for the answers

>>25186372
Why not start meds? Probably will save your liver and heart down the long run.

>>25187502
can't be put on anti-depressants because it'll put me into a manic episode. doctor won't put me on benzos. I am only on an anti-psychotic right now.