/britfeel/
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wagekeks should be sleeping edition
>>24966933
1st for lisa simpson . 2
give me a cozy midnight movie I can watch
first for lebkuchen
>>24966982
Dirty Pair Project Eden.
>>24966933
Does anyone know when the Louis Theroux scientology documentary is coming out?
>>24966982
Just finished watching this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6C5WwammH90
Poleaboo has a driving theory test tomorrow
Need to plot his route to the test centre and wake up before noon
Last time he was there, a female expressed interest in him but that was so!long ago, not capitalising is one of the biggest regrets of his life
well lads it's been over 120 hours since I last ate something~
>tfw the denial is wearing off and I might have to accept I have an eating disorder
I don't know what to do anymore. It's getting really out of hand. The worst part is that doing this gives me good feels when I know it shouldn't. I'm beginning to think that I can't stop myself. Will probably go to sleep and force myself to eat something tomorrow~
>tfw got to get up for work in 7 hours
>sitting drinking coffee
i don't even give a fuck lads
>>24967011
It's not coming out.
>Parents smoked around me for my entire childhood.
>Started vaping when I suggested that they might save some money.
>Took up pipe smoking because I missed the smell/taste of tobacco and every now and again like a smoke.
>Go to parent's house for pre-christmas visit for reasons, light up my pipe.
>They scream at me because they don't want to smoke and I'm making them want to smoke.
Fucking vapers.
>>24967084
>a female expressed interest in him
Greentext now lad.
>>24967086
Just think of a delicious meal, or go for a long walk in the cold tomorrow and stop at a pub on the way back for a stew or something.
You'll never have wrists as skinny as mine.
Why live?
>>24967107
Why not? What happened?
>>24967086
You want me to order you a takeaway? I will if you want tilde. You should eat.
>>24967151
I have really girly wrists also.
>>24967166
>TFW remembering cheap 8 pound huge take away pizzas from this place in London
Run by Muslims, but what isn't in London anyway?
>>24966982
the grand budapest hotel
Polish female was called Alise in case poleaboo forgets
>>24967135
>Late 2009
>Poleaboo has finished his driving theory test, collected his test results and is finding his way out of the building
>A female approaches him from behind and initiates conversation by asking him how it went
>He brags, says he got 47/50
>She trumps him, 49/50
>doesn't know what else to say
>They continue to walk together despite him drastically slowing his pace
>bends down to pretend to do his shoelace
>she waits for him to finish
>He gets up and speeds past her
>>24967236
>8 quid pizza
>cheap
chicago town do better pizzas at a fraction of the price
>>24966933
>fucking minorities are ruining this country!
>"you expect me to get a job and work? what are you some sort of slave driver?"
free figures
neat
>>24967236
Rajas in Rochdale do 3 12" pizzas for 12 quid
>>24967049
I love these old films but don't have the patience to sit through them.
>>24967272
kek, that isn't expressing interest.
>>24967393
She initiated conversation and voluntarily existed in the same proximity as poleaboo
That is rare for females or even people in general
>tfw taking a gram of trenbolone a week
>eating 3500 calories with 300g protein a day
>killing it at the gym 4-5 days a week
>spending hundreds a month on anabolics/AIs and extra food
I don't even know why I'm doing this, I guess I just need a goal(outside of wow/path of exile) otherwise life would be too boring to be worth living.
>>24966997
>Poleaboo was genuinely grateful for the help and followed through with it as best as he was able,
Get to fuck. You did absolutely nothing until it was far too late.
>When he made those comments he was thinking of how it started off, of the detective, uni and classmates who sought to ignore and punish him
...you know what? I officially give up with you.
Harassing course colleagues, harassing fellow employees, turning up to work and running away without telling anyone because a door was locked: whose fault was that? Not /r9k/'s. Not theirs.
It was your fault. All of these problems have been caused by you and only you.
People on here tried to help you for a long time. They gave you all of this help and guidance and you did nothing to solve your problems. You've blamed everyone else for everything and have never fully admitted to ANYONE that it was your own actions that lost you your accountancy qualification, lost you your McJob, and lost you your job at that theme park. The Polish girls on your course, the people at McD's you bitched about, the theme park workers you never got on with: they are blameless.
The worst bit of it all? You still believe everyone is out to get you for no reason. You think it's the world against "poor little Poleaboo who did nothing wrong". Let me tell you something, lad: you did more things wrong in six months than most people have done wrong in their entire lives. Until you realise this and admit your actions, you will be eternally fucked.
Don't bother replying to this because I won't be reading it. You are ungrateful, unable to be helped and a completely deluded moron with no hope for the future.
>>24967775
Is there any hope m8s?
sunday night feel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUGZq02cYIY
>>24967775
I can drink to that.
>>24967649
Hope you're using at least a TRT dose of test mate. If not, do your research and get on it. All the best.
>>24967775
>It was your fault. All of these problems have been caused by you and only you.
Because of anxiety, how can you not understand that?
Poleaboo doesn't want to think and act in certain ways but he can't help it
>People on here tried to help you for a long time. They gave you all of this help and guidance and you did nothing to solve your problems. You've blamed everyone else for everything and have never fully admitted to ANYONE that it was your own actions that lost you your accountancy qualification, lost you your McJob, and lost you your job at that theme park. The Polish girls on your course, the people at McD's you bitched about, the theme park workers you never got on with: they are blameless.
They're not blameless, the park workers outright bullied him and the Polish girl had him fired
But yeah, if Poleaboo had taken down or not started the blog, he'd be safe, but on the other hand he needed the blog to stop himself from topping himself
>The worst bit of it all? You still believe everyone is out to get you for no reason. You think it's the world against "poor little Poleaboo who did nothing wrong". Let me tell you something, lad: you did more things wrong in six months than most people have done wrong in their entire lives. Until you realise this and admit your actions, you will be eternally fucked.
Poleaboo knows he deserved to be punished, he accepts that, it's just that the punishment is excessive. At the end of the day all he did was say mean things on the internet?
Does that warrant being held overnight in the cells? It's hell and a punishment on its own
>Don't bother replying to this because I won't be reading it. You are ungrateful, unable to be helped and a completely deluded moron with no hope for the future.
Please, you're my friend
>>24967939
im just using 200 test to keep things functional.
>>24967958
>Because of anxiety, how can you not understand that?
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
>>24967958
I knew it, told you his 'm-muh anxiety' would come into it.
>>24967958
>Please, you're my friend
Does poleaboo have any friends? Does poleaboo have any idea that the people here don't consider him a friend at all?
>>24967992
>can't understand how crippling anxiety can be
normie pls
>>24968034
The things Poleaboo has done go past social anxiety.
>>24968010
The vocal minority respect poleaboo and his struggle
>>24968034
>"i have anxiety"
>don't have a problem with setting up spy cams
>don't have a problem with going to uni
>does a placement year
>gets other jobs
>"anxiety"
>>24968090
Nice try pakiboo. We know it's you.
>>24967958
look at this batty boy
>>24968080
Not really, they all follow the theme of craving human acknowledgment, simulating social interaction without the painful elements
Just saw this poleaboo shit posted on /brit/ over at /int/
Anyone care to fill me in on this? Could do with some cheeky banter desu lads
>Was getting 3000+ daily hits on the blog for a while
Could you blame him for continuing to update it?
For someone with low self-esteem it was a life saver
>>24968122
Mate, they don't.
If his anxiety was as bad as he claims, he wouldn't have been able to do those jobs.
This is someone using an excuse to constantly try and get out of being held to account.
>>24968193
No
You're too late to the party, newfriend
>>24968224
Damn shame lad.
>>24968095
>>24968202
He forced himself at those jobs because he was forced to (End of NHK) and he was trying to improve himself but he still exuded an uncomfortable, unconfident energy
Still couldn't make eye contact, shook like a leaf, stuttered and couldn't initiate conversation, even to ask to use the toilet
>>24968090
Disagree
>>24968283
>(end of NHK)
Do you mean Welcome To The NHK?
Are you saying you got those jobs solely because you followed the end of that?
>>24968201
Being a freakshow is good for self esteem?
>>24968283
>>24968201
>>24968122
>>24968090
>>24968034
>>24967958
t. Rasheed Ali Khan Mohammed Omer Abassi ibn Rasheed
>>24967485
There's a differenc ebetween expressing interest and not being rude
>>24967958
You're a fucking nutter m8
>>24968329
Attention, gives you self worth by giving the impression you are valuable, it's good you exist, you'd be missed
>>24968323
At the end, when his allowance was cut he came to the conclusion, the Hikikimori can look for a job etc when he is forced to in order to survive
>>24968364
Why talk/walk at all? It's not common behaviour
>>24968394
>At the end, when his allowance was cut he came to the conclusion, the Hikikimori can look for a job etc when he is forced to in order to survive
You needed an anime to tell you this?
Holy fuck you're more broken than you've led people to believe.
>>24968413
Talking to people who ahve just come out of a simialr experience is very similar, then walking with them after you've spoken to them is also normal becaus eit would look rude to walk away from them
>>24967346
you'd have to pay me to take that garbage
someone linked me her, might as well post
shame this place is full of normie cunts
>>24968462
fuck off quavers
>>24968489
Don't reply to tripfags
>>24968613
this tbqvhwy
>go to a bar
>have never seen a pajeet barman
>ever
strange, I've seen africans and paki bar staff but never any indians.
Guess they're just too fucking smelly, judging by my interactions with them in the gym.
When will winter end, this is the worst season ever. Darkness and cold.
>>24968710
winter is coming xD
>>24968710
Winter is the best season, summer is shit
>>24968771
>>24968821
Winter is shit. It's bitterly cold. It gets dark too soon. Christmas is depressing. We might get some snow in January or February, and when that happens everything will come to a halt. As this country can't function when there is the tiniest bit of snow.
>>24968908
>not sweaty
>free days off work
>maximum comfy times
nah mate, you are mistaken
>>24968394
>Attention, gives you self worth by giving the impression you are valuable, it's good you exist, you'd be missed
You're really unravelling.
>>24968684
seen a young paki girl in aldi today staring at me across the checkouts for buying vodka
>>24968975
Least he didn't fuck up by posting anything criminal like last time
Next year I'll have been unemployed for 5 years. Haven't had a job since I was 23, used to be skinny and athletic. But now here I am almost 16 stone sitting in my parents house on a website originally made to talk about Japanese cartoons on after two in the morning. Where did it all go so wrong? Just fuck my entire life senpai
>Tfw no britfeel friends
Going to try to talk to people on Omegle but they're probably the only people on the internet more autistic and sex starved than this place. Wish me luck.
>>24969350
Update us on the search for people not on the spectrum.
>>24969341
why did you think we care about this
>>24969391
It's /britfeel/, this is pretty much what this thread is for.
>>24969427
it's not for you to blog about your sad existence, fuck off to reddit
>>24969451
Actually yeh, it is to talk about all of our sad existences.
>>24969391
You sound like a waste of your dads ejaculate.
>>24969341
Poleaboo is glad go find someone worse off than himself
Lead the way, brother, teach the normies a lesson and I'll follow
Not even kidding, it's not going to get better, we need to end it on our terms
>>24969341
>>24969391
Don't listen to him, I care mate.
You're basically most of us in 5 years time.
How is life in the future?
>Tfw you just want a place where people can be how they are and speak their honest opinions and it'll be fine but even here on r9k in /britfeel/ there are countless cunts trying to impress in a way that they think will make others think they are such a cool dude for hating 'normies' which is also known as anyone who is not in their exact situation and doesn't hate the exact specific things they do
There's literally nowhere people can just be, is there?
Even this place which is supposed to be a refugee has to be a fucking popularity contest of who has the smallest dick.
It's fucking bullshit man.
>>24969650
Reddit desu. Not even joking, but some of the subreddits are nice as fuck.
>sleeping patterns
Yeah na not a fan
>tfw you're down in a hole
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdOycmgsM4A
>>24969650
This place really is stuck in a whirlwind of calling anyone more well off socially than you a normie and anyone worse off an autist. A chill place to just talk would be nice.
>almost 3, gotta be up at 7 for work
Gonna be a great day lads
Just realised it's Sunday evening and not Saturday anymore. Being dark all the time and not going outside much doesn't half confuse you.
It's monday
akari is in the britfeel thread!
>>24970043
/brit/ on /int/ lad
>>24970350
It's Monday m8
>>24970674
So it is. Fuck. I should probably do something, like hoover or something.
>>24969763
back to brit pal
>>24970807
make a list of stuff to tomorrow, like hoover, tidy, clean whatever then sleep now
>>24970901
I only woke up about 4 hours ago though. I feel pretty awake.
>>24966933
I really should be tbf
>comfy smug neet frog dot jpg
I need to pee but its cold
who /stillup/ here
>>24973206
/here/ desu m8
>>24973206
>>24973218
I'm on episode 72 of Three Kingdoms. It's pretty good lads.
I'M NOT SICK BUT I'M NOT WELL
Bit of a quiet thread lads.
I'm up drinking and listening to Time by ELO. Cracking album, haven't heard it in ages.
>>24973368
Feels like a never ending stomach ache is upon me.
>tfw still up
>still up
who /real nigger hours/ here?
>>24975248
/smashindatmothafuckinlikebutton/ reporting
>>24975248
>>24975269
Still up fuckers. Bored as shit.
15 mins of aerobics and stretches this morning. (Didn't want to overdo it since I have a 8 hour shift today. Need to make sure I have time to hit the showers also)
Walking to work, 20 mins walk there and 20 back. Try to work standing as much as possible.
Should burn around 400 calories today.
Feeling pretty good about myself still. Hopefully I can keep this up and start dropping the lbs.
Just need to make sure I keep eating salad/yoghurt for lunch, snack on a few nuts if I have to, and not go mad on my dinner no matter how hungry I get. Avoid snacks, or at least eat fruit.
The one thing I do hate about exercising when fat is how your saggy belly slaps you all the time. Especially when doing jumping jacks.
I also look fucking ridiculous also but its got to be done. Can't afford a gym membership yet.
Gotta keep trying though right robobros?
think I'm still drunk, I should be hungover
Jeremy Kyle is starting its 'Festive Fallouts' today. Seasons beatings!
Good morning on this frosty day.
I had the most fucked up dream last night
I was a tranny, in a school where they teach you to be a good one and Mrs Doubtfire was the headmaster. She called me into her office and said my behaviour wasn't good and told me off for writing 'i want to be a tranny to get 500 big ones a month from the government' on my application. I made up some great shit about how I was scared then the place flooded so I went to get on the coach home. On the way I thought to do up my hoodie so nobody would see the changes and wondered what i'd do about getting girls in the future like this. I suddenly wanted to kill myself and wished I had never done it. Then I woke up thanking God that I am still a guy. It was one of the worst nightmares I have ever had.
>>24978171
>I suddenly wanted to kill myself and wished I had never done it
The natural conclusion of all trans people.
It's ok though, gentle anon, it was just a dream :^)
You have 15 seconds to explain why you don't GET OFF YOUR BACKSIDE AND GET A BLOODY JOB??
>>24978272
>>24977921
Jeremy is so redpilled. Everytime I see his show he takes the side of the guy and calls the women a slag who'd get boo'd 'if she was a bloke'.
morning lads
might go get a haircut. scared though
>>24978365
Post hair. Then we shall decide accordingly.
>>24978272
i-i tried, i filled out applications...
>>24978348
He has been dealing with the scum of Britain for a decade, he has seen too much to be PC now.
how r u guys today
>>24978488
>''Oh...tried did ya...''
>Gets in your face
>''How about you try a little harder then you lazy git''
>Audience whoop in jubilation
>>24978563
>"But Jeremy..."
>leans in
>I served in the armed forces
>>24978555
Feel like my heart is about to explode senpai, I'm so paranoid desu
What r u up to rn?
>>24978563
>>24978272
I imagine watching Jeremy Kyle is the closest we'll get to the feeling wealthy Romans must have had watching petty criminals/escaped slaves killed by animals or trained gladiators in the arena.
Feels so brutally exhilarating.
pretended to be ill so I don't have to go to work today haha
>>24978647
absolute madman
what are you gonna do today instead?
been on a booze bender since Thursday lads. currently drunk as fuck on me special brew ans wine
>jeremy kyle is on
>some obese guy got dragged to a training camp because he was fat by his gf
>she is also obese
>is still obese to the point where it might harm her chances of having a child
>>24978596
>Episode is in Rotherham
>Get boo'd mercilessly
>>24978658
Shitpost on 4chan listening to Lana Del Rey on repeat. 5th time B2D has repeated now. Later I'll build my ikea desk if I can be arsed to.
>>24978698
Ok, you win Jeremy Kyle top trumps.
>>24978730
She's an Irish sympathiser though.
>>24978758
shame she smokes like 20 cigs an hour
>>24978772
and also can't sing for shit live
>>24978758
>>24978772
She's still a qt3.14 and an excellent singer. One of her underrated songs but my favourite:
youtube.com/watch?v=-MreomnQrpw
>>24978788
>in the 'dark'
Does that mean rimming?
>>24978800
No it means in the dark. If you want something to wank to she literally describes eating her out in:
youtube.com/watch?v=lk554s9Tpus
>sleep comes hard
>aches in legs
>headaches and stomach aches all the time
anyone else /fucked/ here?
Poleaboo would like to apologise to everyone who thought they tried to help him. He is eternally grateful for their altruistic intentions and considers them to be he best friends of all time, they knew him better than anyone and were patient with him.
Sorry for disappointing you.
And sorry for being stupid, unmotivated, entitled, having poor social skills and generally being human garbage.
Everything that has happened to Poleaboo has been his own fault, he and no one else for that matter are entitled to friendship, interaction or even acknowledgement from other human beings. These things are not a right, they are a privilege.
Poleaboo should have been fired from both of his jobs on the grounds of generally being shit at them and not integrated well with the rest of the workforces.
The uni was wrong to suspend poleaboo, they should have just expelled him.
The courts were wrong to simply fine him, they should have brought back hanging, poleaboo would have tied the noose around his neck himself.
In short, thank you, sorry, hope you'll forgive me and we can be friends again.
Whatever happens, happens. Doesn't matter if the end is coming near, poleaboo only made it this far thanks to you.
Reddit cunts are so fucking insufferable
>10am
>nothing interesting will happen till at least 4pm
>no good food in
>nothing to drink
>can't sleep
>showers broken
Why live again?
Fuck sake lads, some inbred has vandalised the Mosque near me.
Christmas good cheer indeed.
>>24978882
>driving cars onto trains
>what a time we live in
I'm pretty sure that as long as cars have existed people have driven them onto fucking trains. I cannot believe that concept is so alien to those cunts.
And I thought 4chan was filled with 12 year olds.
>>24978970
>vandalised the mosque
>inbred
Absolutely friendly reminder that pakis are not allowed in these threads.
I've yawned like 10 times in a row and want to get comfy in bed so bad.
Yet I never feel like this at night, could stay up until 4am feeling lethargic but never sleepy/yawning. Fuck sake.
>>24979001
fuck off, you tedious cunt
>>24979039
Shouldn't you be outside of a school right now picking your target, Ahmed? You don't want to get sloppy seconds from your brothers.
Morning all~
How's it going today?
I ended up staying up late last night writing my thoughts on various things. It's actually quite nice to vent things like that even if nobody will ever read them. Should probably get something to eat soon since I'm going on 6 days now.
Hope you have a good day!
>>24979001
Bang out mate, everyone is accepted here.
Your parents have arranged a blind date for you at a nice French restaurant in town.
You arrive a couple minutes early, go to your table and order a drink to try and calm your nerves.
Your date arrives: it's Holly. What do you do?
>>24979062
Careful with that edge, kiddo, you'll hurt yourself
>>24979001
There's nothing comfy about racism. It's not their fault you're stuck here with the rest of us.
>Boss is talking to a group of guys in the office without me
>Listen in, he's telling them all the details of what I'm working on and what's happening next
>He hasn't said a word to me about their stuff or asked me how I'm getting on
Ruh roh
>>24979089
Ask her if I can smell the inside of her shoes for 30 quid.
Kebab Internet Defence Force are monitoring this thread I see. Absolutely disgusting.
>>24979108
>Kebab Internet Defence Force
Well meme'd
Fuck off
>>24979106
Supreme Orbiter Schofield runs in, "Holly, is he bothering you?"
>let her answer
>talk to him
>assert your dominance
>>24979210
>Talk to him
Phil is a good lad, I'm sure we can work this out.
oh god im awake.
got to go to the opticians at 11:25
then go to the vets
its so cold an horrible, im gonna be grumpy as fuck. and theyre gonna try screw me outta 40 quid for thin lenses which I kinda need for my frames.
>>24979074
I've been up since like 6pm yesterday.
Spent most of the night doing nothing of note.
Right now I'm too tired to really do anything, but I'm trying to stay awake as long as possible (targeting 11pm tonight) so I can do a hard reset on my sleep pattern and get back to being awake during the daytime. If not today, then hopefully by before christmas.
>monday
>not at work
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNZK5IxvnMs
>>24979225
Supreme Orbiter Schofield throws you his best icy glare; it's not easy to look menacing when you've built you're entire career around being unendingly amiable, but he does he best.
He waits for you to speak:
>"Look, Phil, I was just having a joke with Holly - I know she must get some weirdo fans."
>"Jesus Christ, Phil, have you been following her? Where the fuck did you come from?"
>"Nothing at all like that, Phil, won't you sit and eat with us?"
>Your own suggestion.
>>24979298
B
>"Jesus Christ, Phil, have you been following her? Where the fuck did you come from?"
>>24979351
What are you doing? There is no way you are going to pass a speech check with him with swearing and a put down.
>>24979351
Schofield is visibly shaken by this challenge. Holly turns her voluptuous body towards him, clearly expecting an explanation herself.
"N-no n-nothing like that," he stutters and laughs uncomfortably, before adding, "I j-just wanted to make sure Holly was alright when I heard she was going on a blind date."
>Ask him if he's stalking her.
>Tell him he's pathetic.
>Let Holly answer.
>Your own suggestion.
>>24979404
Well, that's me told. I suck at RPGs.
>>24979399
Scho cone is too much of a beta, just hearing a swear word will put him in his place.
Poleaboo is off to take his driving theory test
>>24979404
Let's the qtpi answer.
>You will never shoot up a school with Philip Schofield
Looks like no wagekucking for me tonight. Some staff on staff stabbing happened at my Tesco.
>>24979464
Holly, looking as stunning as ever in a low-cut red dress, says to him, "Come on, Phil, you know we've talked about this so many times. We're really good friends, but you don't need to worry about me when I'm dating. I know you want me to find a nice guy like you, and you're like a brother to me, but I can't have you constantly watching out for me. I'd like you to leave now, Phil."
You see a single salty tear begin to form in Schofield's eye. He looks down, utterly dejected, and leaves the restaurant.
Holly turns back to you, "Sorry about that, he told me he loves me and now is trying to make sure I don't end up with a bad guy. It's kind of sad."
>Tell her a bit about yourself.
>Choose something to order.
>Order her a drink.
>Bitch about Schofield some more.
>Your own suggestion.
>>24979239
>oh god im awake.
every fucking day
Life is okay when I'm shitposting, but It's depressing that this is all I'm capable of doing.
Assisted suicide feels like it would be a godsend sometimes.
>>24979557
>Tell her a bit about yourself, using Poleaboo's information/life.
>>24979557
This one is hard, is she the kind of stacey that likes making fun of betas or does she care about him?
I would ask her something about herself, I dunno, where she grew up.
>>24979655
She's friendzoned Phil, we're blatantly next tbqh.
>>24979639
Don't know enough about Poleaboo so will run with something else, sorry anon.
>>24979679
We can do this, if we bitch about Phil we will seem like a desperate beta trying to feign alpha. If we just move on and ignore him, she'll respect our dominance.
Hey lads rate my new rap, young MC from ireland
Say listen when I was 11
Started school in fucking year 7
12 got kicked out school
Started thinking I was fucking cool
Then 13 I robbed my first Car
Handbrake up with the show window
Said to the Police man can't catch me
Next week yes I'll be 14
15 I made my Cd
called myself the wicked Mc
16 we sniffed cocaine, Up the nose and into the brain
>>24979751
It makes me wish the potato famine had been more effective.
>>24979765
Clicc like anyway need more subs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FENJIDecy5s
>>24979777
Sorry. I like the trips, but I don't like that 'song' so I cannot in good conscience click the like button. Lying on the internet could lead to others lying on the internet.
>>24979655
>I would ask her something about herself, I dunno, where she grew up.
Holly seems genuinely glad that Phil is gone. As she takes a seat, you ask her: "So, I suppose we better start at the beginning: where are you from?"
She smiles, "Well, I'm from West Sussex originally; my dad worked for a double-glazing firm and my mum was an air stewardess. I still haven't really got used to the fame myself! Anyway, what's that you're drinking? Do you mind if I order a drink?"
>"Be my guest, Holly."
>"It's a [name your cocktail], here, I'll order one for you."
>Order her a [name a drink].
>Your own suggestion.
>>24979797
Whats ur main issues with it mate
>>24979821
It's a Black Tooth Grin, here, i'll order one for you.
>>24979821
>>24979835
Hold on, off to have lunch for ~30 mins. Will continue HollyQuest when I get back.
>>24979825
I don't like that particular genre of music.
>>24979074
Just eat some yoghurts or an omlete or something. Then build up to real food.
>have to phone my therapist today and have a conversation on the phone and make an appointment or they'll terminate my place
>I really fucking hate talking on the phone
I can't do it lads I'm fucked, I can't bring myself to phone them. What the fuck do I do now? I fucking hate this bullshit
Just fucking kill me I'm tired of this shit now.
>>24979886
Fair mate cant please all folk
>>24979903
Why don't you just plan the next appointment at the end of the last one?
>>24979525
Details? Is the one you work at as enriched as this Asda?
>>24979918
I haven't been to an appointment yet
They sent a letter on Friday and that said I have to ring them and talk to them on the phone by the 15th, if I don't phone them it by then it says they'll assume I don't need their services anymore. What kind of genius came up with that? Surely they deal with a lot of people with social anxiety who literally can't talk on the phone before
What you lads getting for Christmas?
>>24979905
/innit/
>>24979946
Apparently some night staff lad stabbed up another member of staff early hours of monday morning.
It's starting to get enriched. Seen a few headscarf people on the shopfloor. Before that, there was only about 1 mudslimish person working.
>>24979946
fucking disgusting, I'm so glad I don't live in a city where I'd see stuff like this.
My Asda just has like 2 people working there an the rest is those self serve machines so I don't need to speak to them.
>>24979991
dunno what this means ahahha
Poleaboo is having some success with OkCupid. He hopes this could be the beginning of a new era in his story.
>>24980029
haha lmao
>>24979950
Is it the NHS counselling? If so you don't actually talk to anyone despite it saying so, it's an automatic message that you just hit a few numbers for.
>>24980029
>>24980037
/toogoodtobetrue/ any1?
>>24980030
How did the test go lad?
>>24980030
Post your profile, so that we can give you tips.
>>24980045
Oh shit really?
It says it's from "minds matter NHS foundation trust", is that the same thing? I'll ring them if i don't have to talk to anyone.
>>24979858
>>24979821
>>24979835
>It's a Black Tooth Grin, here, i'll order one for you.
Holly blushes. You're not certain, but you think she is impressed with your assertiveness. You order the drink, and shortly afterwards the waitress places it in front of her. "Cheers," you say, clinking your glass against hers. She takes a sip, then holds back a splutter.
"Blimey, anon, that's a bit strong for me!"
Despite her joking complaint, you notice that the drink is finished after a few more minutes of idle chit-chat, as is yours.
>Order another round.
>Order a bottle of wine and choose food for yourself and Holly.
>Just order food for yourself, let Holly choose her own.
>Your own suggestion.
The bloke at Papa Johns was upset that I wasn't interested in their offers. I just want the pizza mate chill out.
>>24968710
>>24968710
Paki detected.
Get out faggot.
>>24980284
I order another round.
Name me one thing more subhumane than being circumcised.
You can't.
>>24980389
Having skin that isn't white
>>24980389
I feel so sad for you mate...
>>24980372
>I order another round.
Feeling a slight buzz from your first drink, you call the waitress over and order another round of Black Tooth Grins for yourself and Holly.
"Anon, I really shouldn't. I've got to be on air tomorrow morning with Phil..."
>"Screw Phil, you should get the chance to let your hair down."
>Cancel the drinks order, order a bottle of wine and choose food for yourself and Holly.
>"Fine, I'll drink yours when it comes then."
>Your own suggestion.
>>24980509
Don't cancel the order but also order food.
fucked my knee up at work l a d s. apart from that's it has been an enjoyable day so far
>>24980527
Do we order wine as well?
inb4 daterape
>>24980527
Mate, don't get her too pissed. She might be a crying drunk. Black Tooth Grins are 180ml of whiskey with a splash of coke.
>>24967354
>giving money to muslims
>in fucking rochdale
>>24969451
that's literally exactly what britfeel is for
>>24980527
>Don't cancel the order but also order food.
When the next round of drinks arrive you order two rare steaks. Holly, now slightly red in the face. giggles to herself, "Oh good, I like a nice piece of meat." This is going better than expected. You 'Cheers' once more and drink your second Black Tooth Grins while you wait for the food. You feel yourself getting increasingly tipsy - if you both drink much more you'll cross over and become drunk.
>Order wine
>Don't order wine
AND:
What do you talk about with Holly?
>>24969341
Yeah, it all goes to shit in the late 20s mate, I know your feel completely. My longest stint unemployed was two years. I had to make up jobs that I had in the meantime.
>>24980679
Don't order wine, have a water then have some more after that.
Talk to holly about her interests, start talking myself up a bit as well and getting generally flirty.
dentist today lads
getting braces
>>24980720
DENTAL PLAN
Anon needs braces
>>24980284
>>Order a bottle of wine and choose food for yourself and Holly.
do girls actually want me to order food for them on a date? Like is this a thing that happens?
>>24980679
>Holly, now slightly red in the face. giggles to herself, "Oh good, I like a nice piece of meat."
>they're still going with this shitty holly meme story
ENOUGH
>>24980736
Yes it shows you are in control. A beta male is someone who says "I don't mind" or "what are you getting?"
>>24979239
got back from the opticians.
went easier than expected, got the extra thins for 20quid with my nhs voucher.
got a piss sample for the vets at 3:00
so I can chill for a bit. its nice to be comfy again.
postman didn't bring anything, all my parcels are late, think it must be busy at postoffice sorting.
>>24980711
You decide you've had enough to drink for now - you don't want to get too drunk and make an idiot of yourself. Water it is.
You ask Holly about her hobbies outside of TV presenting, modelling,and owning fantastic breasts. She tells you how she loves to cook, and considers herself something of a domestic goddess. Like many other 'trendy' women, she's also keen on yoga. "When I get the rare chance though, there's nothing I love more than a few drinks in the pub with friends. With This Morning, I don't usually get the opportunity though."
While she tells you about herself you do your best to look interested, and try to keep as much eye contact as possible without coming across as a creep. At one point you even brush her hand with yours. You can't tell if it's just the drink or not, but you think she blushes.
>"You know what, let's leave her as soon as we eat and go down the pub tonight."
>Wait for the food to arrive. Keep talking and flirting.
>Get more flirty.
>Your own suggestion.
>>24980821
:^)
>>24980821
Shut up, this is the most fun I will have today.
>>24980830
if I went out for food and someone fucking ordered for me I'd be pissed off
what if they get something I don't like?
where can i get a lonely jobless gf
>>24980876
That's because you're a guy. Women like to be told what to do.
>>24980855
Tough one. The pub might have more alpha chads.
I think Wait for the food to arrive, keep talking and flirting. More flirty at this point might scare her off. Maybe ask if she'd want to go to a pub afterwards.
>>24980389
>live in student flat
>cunt in my house is circumcised
>couldn't have happened to a more deserving guy
>>24980891
then why do women tell me they want to be treated like an equal then
like seriously I assumed if I tried ordering something for a woman she'd flip the fuck out, that's what always happens on tv
god I fucking hate society so much
>>24980907
No, see the deal is now that women pretend not to want to be told what to do, and we are meant to pretend to respect that, then do it 'light-heartedly' and they will like you more for it.
Unless you're not good looking, then it's wrong and disgusting and creepy.
>>24980928
would this be an acceptable way to do it?
>me: what are you thinking about ordering
>grill: I don't know
>me: the x is reallly good here, how about you order x?
>grill: I don't know lol im a fucking idiot please rape my face
>me: we'll have one x and one steak please
>>24980961
Are you an 8/10 or higher? Then yes. Are you average or even slightly ugly? No.
>>24980961
>the x is really good but I'll order steak
no you look like an idiot
you should order 2 x
>>24980896
>I think Wait for the food to arrive, keep talking and flirting.
You're both still tipsy when the food arrives, which only increases your enjoyment of it. The French chef has cooked the steak exactly to your liking, and the accompanying sauce matches it perfectly.
You suggest going to the pub after the meal, and Holly goes slightly redder again, "That'd be lovely... if we don't go somewhere else?"
The date is definitely going well. That is, until she asks you, "So, anon, what do you do for a living?"
>TRUTH: Tell her you're a NEET who lives with his parents.
>LIE: Tell her you have a reasonably well-paying office job.
>>24980961
>not going to a tapas/mezze/asian place and ordering a mix of dishes for you both to share, highlighting your superior knowledge of food girls find 'interesting' because it's foreign
Sigh.
>>24981036
Oh shit.
I want to bang her, but we can't go back to my neet place with parents. Fuck it, going to go for the truth.
>>24981036
tell her I masturbate and shout at Pakis on the internet as part of a well paying (400/month) government psyops program
>>24980821
>I hate OC
>>24981061
>>24981083
>implying these aren't the same answer
>>24981036
go for TRUTH
>>24981036
I bet Holly likes to whip NEETS the foxy minx.
The Polish delivery girl winked at me when she turned up with my pizza. Better order one for tea as well.
>>24981166
Next time, say "Variety is the SLICE of life" and wink back.
>>24981192
this
guaranteed pussy if you go for it anon,
>>24981061
>>24981083
>>24981127
The confident image you've built up for yourself by confronting Schofield and being generally assertive crumbles a little as you resolve to tell her the truth.
"W-well,"("Shit," you think, "I'm beginning to sound like Phil.")"it's a bit embarrassing, but I'm unemployed right now and so I'm living with my parents at the moment."
"Oh anon, I can't believe a guy like you hasn't found work yet: This Morning's producer is looking for a new runner - I could have a word if you like?"
It seems that hearing about your jobless plight has made the older woman's mothering instincts kick in - it's a kind offer, and you're glad that she hasn't left in disgust, but you're not sure what do make of this slight chance in dynamic.
Do you:
>Take her up on the offer
>Politely refuse
AND what happens next on the date:
>You need to get the dynamic back to a flirty one ASAP. Ramp up the flirting by [give action/thing to say].
>Order more drinks [what drinks?].
>Suggest you head out once you've finished eating.
>Your own suggestion.
>>24981166
It's like Harry and Paul.
>>24981244
At this rate she is never going to tie me down and piss on my face.
Politely refuse under the guise of an interview in 3 days for a good job, and get the flirty dynamic back while also saying that she is even prettier in real life.
>>24981244
>Politely refuse
>Ramp up the flirting by giving her a rose
>>24981279
>giving her a rose
Why not just say "for you, m'lady, alas it presents only a tenth of your eternal beauty" then tip the hat that just appeared on your head while you're at it.
Poleaboo is back from his driving theory test, turns out he got the date wrong, it's tomorrow, the man at the desk was very nice.
Going out, into such a crowded environment was hellish, felt like everyone was not only glancing at him but expressing disgust, especially the females.
Aggravated Poleaboo to see all the qts, it's worse when they're with bfs because it is a smack in the face reminder of how out of his league these sluts are since he can directly compare himself to the males.
Don't want to go out ever again if it can be helped, there's nothing there for poleaboo but pain.
>>24981243
>>24981192
Dunno lads, that's a bit cheesy.
>>24981277
>>24981279
You politely refuse her offer to try and help you with a job. After all, you don't want her to think/know, let's be honestthat you're too much of a beta to get one on your own.
You were planning on saving the rose for later in the evening, but realise that you need to get her to see you as a romantic prospect again, sooner rather than later. You give it to her. It's a good thing you had the second drink, otherwise you would have dropped your spaghetti at this point. As it is, you have enough liquid courage to tell her she's even more pretty in real life. Taking a deep smell of the rose, she smiles at you, blushes, and thanks you. "No-one's ever given me a rose before, anon. Well, except Phil... Anyway, I think we should get out of here."
Knowing your financial situation she insists on paying the entire bill. You're grateful - this place isn't cheap, and even if you'd split it 50/50 you're not sure you'd have had enough in your account to pay your half.
You help Holly with her coat and step outside. Where do you head?
>Ask if she wants to go back to her place.
>Go to the pub.
>Go for a romantic walk.
>Go to your place.
>Your own suggestion.
>>24981437
Roseanon has made us Phil 2 if we aren't careful. Let's go to the pub, more booze is needed to save this I think, we're quickly wading into the friendpool.
go for a shit
it came out black.
>>24981488
That's blood that is being excreted somewhere in the upper GI, black is worse than seeing fresh blood desu. If it keeps happening go to a doctor, if it's just the once it's probably nothing to worry about.
>>24981533
I don't think it was blood, it was more desaturated black.
>>24981469
>Let's go to the pub
But I wanna fug Holly already...
>>24981571
Like ashen? Probably just mucus then. Not really normal, but I have colitis and I shit mucus every fucking day, It's no biggie, bit of a bugger to wipe, but makes for good toilet art.
>>24980832
right... off to the vets..
>>24981615
She's a classy lady, she won't fuck on the first date.
Afternoon everyone~
How are you spending it?
I finally had something to eat. I feel very ashamed tbqh~
I think I'm developing a habit of binge eating which isn't good since it makes me want to be sick more than usual. Feeling quite angry at myself~
Hope you're all having a good day!
>>24981754
Poleaboo thinks we shouldn't bother today, they're too caught up in their Holly text adventure
>>24981469
>Let's go to the pub, more booze is needed to save this I think
"I know a good place near here, let's go for a drink - I remember you said you like nothing more than a quiet one down the pub."
She's happy to remembered, and seems to be keen to extend the night. You walk 5 minutes together to your local; you're both a little overdressed, but don't really mind a few odd looks. The barman is shocked to see you enter with her, but asks, "You'll be having the usual?"
"Yes please, make that two."
Holly mistakes this as a sign that you're the kind of cool socialite who has a 'usual' in bars, rather than as a NEET who drinks too much.
As the barman pulls two pints of ale a figure in the corner of the room catches your eye. Shit. Sat at a table to himself, a table covered in empty whisky glasses, is Philip Schofield, clearly drunk.
Do you:
>Get out of there.
>Have your drinks and hope he doesn't notice you.
>Point him out to Holly and see what she says.
>Go over to him.
>Your own suggestion.
hating all the people here pretending they're not normies
t. sub-normie
>>24981882
Make a joke at Phillip's expense to Holly.
>>24981832
I'm just venting my thoughts poleaboo, it doesn't matter if people reply or not. It makes me feel better~
I like the Holly text adventure, quite funny tbqh
>>24981891
Good one, can't figure out a better way without having to fight him or her taking him home out of concern.
Daily reminder that I'm getting hench for summer
Bitches be mirin' left right and centre already
Set a new bench PR today too, 120kg 3x8
Now eating steak rice and brocolli watching fat fucking benefit scrounging retards scream at each other for a free nights stay in a hotel and 15 minutes of fame ( the jeremy kyle show)
How's your day been lads?
>>24981951
Hope you're not that paki abusing pills to get 'fit' m8. Otherwise good work.
>>24981832
In fairness, it is really fun.
But its not even night
>>24981968
Pakiboo can't dare take attention going anywhere apart to him.
Jesus Christ is there a more incompetent site than the QVC one?
>>24981962
Completely natural of white english heritage, feels good mayn
I reccomend all you robots get /fit/, it will kill your depression, I promise
>>24980457
Nope
Humans of other skincolors get alot of support. Cutfags get bullied and laughed at if they dare to complain.
>>24980899
The circumcisiontrauma probably turned him into a cunt in the first place
>>24981910
Sorry for semi-hijacking the thread - if I do this again I could make a thread on /tg/ for it and link it here?
>>24981891
>Make a joke at Phillip's expense to Holly.
You lean as close as you dare to Holly's ear and whisper, "Someone's upset that you're out so late," while pointing at Phil
You quietly feel guilty throwing your fellow beta under the bus for your own advancement like this, but you need every advantage you can get with Holly.
She laughs, surprisingly loudly.
Rolling to see if Phil hears her laughing at him. If this post ends in odds he does, evens he doesn't.
>>24982039
Why are you apologising anon? Britfeel isn't mine haha. I like the Holly story, it's funny and is cheering me up. I hope you stick around tbqh~
>>24982039
>odds he does
>>24982039
H-h-heeeeere we go.
>>24982039
>odds he does
Heh.
I want to become a history teacher lads. How do I become one?
>>24981968
>In fairness, it is really fun.
Poleaboo didn't mean to apply otherwise
>>24982086
Go to university, learn about history
>>24982039
>She laughs, surprisingly loudly.
Holly you Stacywhore.
>>24982039
(Phillip Schofield would know that laugh anywhere. It was music to his ears; his happiest moments were when he and Holly were alone, together in front of thousands of viewers on This Morning, when that sweet laugh would abound. When he heard it now he initially thought it was his drunken, melancholy mind playing tricks on him.)
Holly laughs a little to loudly, and you see Schofield look up directly at the two of you. In his eyes you see utter heartbreak and then impotent rage take a hold of him when he realises that Holly's laughter was directed at him.
He takes a glass in his hand, gets up and begins to run across the bar in a fury towards you. You don't have much time to react.
Do you:
>Prepare for a fight.
>Try and run from him with Holly.
>Put Holly between the two of you.
>Your own suggestion.
>>24982179
A. Fight.
>>24982058
Don't want to stop people from talking about feelings and stuff by running a CYOA is all.
>>24982179
Try to protect Holly from him as if he was coming for her, bravely fighting him off.
>>24982179
Throw Holly at him, he wouldn't hurt his waifu.
>>24982206
Noo, it's honestly fine lad~
It's really fun and it makes a change from the usual discussion topics.
>>24982205
>>24982218
You decide to stand your ground. Schofield's drunk so you think you can take him.
As he's charging you he knocks an old lady over and nearly falls down himself. He's wasted.
Because you're actively defending, not running, you think you should be able to get a hit in on him first. How are you going to stop him?
>Punch him in the face.
>Try and trip him.
>Glass him.
>Your suggestion.
>>24982179
>(Phillip Schofield would know that laugh anywhere. It was music to his ears; his happiest moments were when he and Holly were alone, together in front of thousands of viewers on This Morning, when that sweet laugh would abound. When he heard it now he initially thought it was his drunken, melancholy mind playing tricks on him.)
What have we become?
>>24982324
We deserve a glassing TbH
>>24982305
Try and trip him, then tell him he's pathetic and leave with Holly.
>>24982305
Glass him !
>>24982305
Attack with bar stool
>>24982305
Trip him
>>24982371
Seizing your chance, but not wanting to injure him too badly, you try and trip the rapidly advancing Schofield.....
This post counts as the roll. 0, 1, 2, 3: you fail. 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9: you succeed.
Given you a +1 advantage because he's drunk.
0 and 9 are crits.
Good luck.
>>24982450
Jesus Christ what a disaster
>>24982450
Fucking hell, we're going to get battered by Phillip fucking Schofield.
>>24982449
>>24982450
49 WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SHIT THAT UP?!
This thread is so fucking gay right now, you're all cunts
>>24982490
Fuck off phil
>>24982483
>We're making Schofield look like an alpha male.
>>24982484
Hiw is it 49s fault?
who /6'3/ here? undeniably the perfect height for a male
>>24982450
You swing with your leg to try and hook his from underneath him. Unfortunately his drunkeness makes him hard to predict, he swerves just as you swing at him. Not only do you miss, but you put too much force into your kick and stumble over yourself, with your back to the angry presenter.
You hear Holly scream as Phil raises his hand to try and glass you.
Phil gets +1 because you're prone, negating his -1 for being drunk.
0, 1, 2, 3, 4: you're fine. 5, 6, 7, 8, 9: he hits.
0 and 9 are crits.
Fuck, we need to stab him in the neck or something.
>>24982565
M-maybe Holly likes men who get beaten up by Scho cone
>>24982560
Im 6ft 3 too,6ft 2-4 is the just right zone
>>24982565
Think it's time we beta it up and plead for someone to intervene.
>>24982565
Schofield brings the whisky glass crashing down into your back. He feel it break and shards of glass cut through your shirt into your flesh. It hurts like hell, but you're just thankful he was too drunk to hit your head or neck.
Holly is screaming at Phil to stop, but there is still rage in his eyes.
You're still practically on the floor.
What do you do?
>Swing at his legs again (-1 for wounded, so 50/50 chance factoring in the +1 for drunk Phil).
>Hope Holly does more to intervene. You're not sure you can sustain another serious hit without major damage though.
>Beg Phil to stop.
>Your own suggestion.
>>24982565
Schofield is OP, nerf him.
Hitting our coat with an intact glass wont do much
>>24982694
Fuck it, swing at him again, we can still get laid.
>>24982694
Uppercut his testicles.
Hopefully we dont hurt our ha d on his cb 6000
>>24982694
Swing at his legs again. Gotta look alpha for Holly.
>>24982694
Begging Phil to stop is the only way.
If we take out phil we can go to hollys and have her bandage us and then get some pity sex
>>24982757
>>24982759
>>24982763
You turn and try to take his legs out from underneath him with your arms.
0, 1, 2, 3, 4: you miss. 5, 6, 7, 8, 9: you hit.
0 and 9 are crits.After this I'm going to assume you know how the rolls will work.
>>24982759
second the testicle attack
>>24982805
Wew lads we did it
>>24982805
Finally! Phil is down! We can get some pity sex from Holly at this rate.
>tfw realising /britfeel/ is just facebook with a 4chan layout
We need to finish him off
>>24982805
Haha eat shit philip one way ticket to getting breast fed back to health.
Next move should be to punch him and attempt a submission hold.
>>24982805
You successfully trip Phil to the ground, not as successfully as you'd have liked, but he's still down.
You're still on the floor yourself.
Phil is on the floor desperately trying to get his drunk arse up again, so you get another action.
Do you:
>Stop him getting up again by [you tell me].There'll be a big advantage to roll this.
>Tell him he's pathetic.
>Check on Holly.
>Your own suggestion.
>>24982838
I have no idea what's going on here desu, but it doesn't seem like facebook
>>24982880
Stand up, call him pathetic.
Break a chair on his head.
>>24982880
Curbstomp the clown, I'm tired of this embarrassment of a scrap. It's time to end this.
>>24982894
This, then ask Holly if she'd like to go somewhere else.
>>24982880
Hit him in face and call him pathetic and then ask holly if shes ok
>>24982880
shove a snooker cue up his ass
Look, if he stands back up whilst we're walking out of the pub it's going to make us look fucking silly.
>>24982939
Nah, him staggering to his feet while we're walking out of the pub with his bird is ALPHA AS FUCK.
WE NEED TO CHECK ON HOLLY SO SHELL POINT OUT OUR INJURY AND LOOK AFTER US
>>24982951
We only knocked him over, not like we clocked him. He's gonna get back up and make us look like a chump.
>>24982971
He's had a skin full. He'll also be embarrassed as fuck. Holly will tell him to stop if he goes for us again. We'll be fine.
>tfw chads from my class keep making memes about my girlfriend
>>24982880
>You successfully trip Phil to the ground, not as successfully as you'd have liked, but he's still down.
>You're still on the floor yourself.
Stand up. kerbstomp him.
>>24983003
Wouldn't settle for that mate, report them like a true robot
Cop or naw lads, thats the question
>>24981638
back from the vets, sitting down with some tea and scotch eggs and a snackeroni.
that's my week of doing things over with hopefully.
tho I could still do with going to the dentists before next year, I just don't have the money atm....
>>24982894
You stand up, brush yourself down and say, "Jesus Christ, mate, that was pathetic - what's wrong with you?"
At this, he stops trying to get up, flops himself fully back on the floor and starts to weep.
The rest of the pub is in stunned silence. The fight had played out quickly: and now the quiet sound of a grown man's tears fills it. And a well-known tv presenter at that.
It's not long before the laughter starts and the first cameraphones are out, recording this moment to inevitably go viral later that night.
You turn to Holly.
"Oh my God, anon, I'm so sorry about Phil. I knew he was keen on me, but I never expected he'd do something like this. Are you badly hurt?"
>Shrug it off - the wound isn't that bad - and carry on drinking.
>Kick Phil for good measure.
>Suggest you go back to hers.
>Suggest you go back to yours.
>Your own suggestion.
>>24983057
How much is it?
>>24983003
Report them anonimously
>>24983087
What did I fucking say lads, alpha as fuck.
Suggest you go back to whosevers house is closest to patch you up.
>>24983118
You were right anon.
>>24983101
12,850 JPY so about 70 squids in real money.
>>24983003
What do they say? Please share the memes.
>>24983087
Suggest we go back to hers for help, shell have to help us get our top off and then thats guaranteed sex
>we've broken Schofield
>potentially ended his career
for what purpose?
We should try and get his job as well as his lady.
>>24983128
No way m8 thats way too much
Fuck man. Watching my calories is going to make me crazy.
Already refusing food and feeling hungry a lot.
I'm trying to make it so I only consume Max 700 cal for breakfast and lunch, then about 1000 max for dinner.
Just snacked on a banana and some unsalted nuts and raisins. Hope I can hold out for dinner.
>>24983087
>the first cameraphones are out, recording this moment to inevitably go viral later that night
>>24983146
For the sweet puss.
>>24983087
Back to hers.
>>24983136
This is the only one I have saved, theyre pretty much calling her a condom fail
>>24983193
Top bants lad. What is she out of ten?
>>24983193
Harsh one, is there something massively wrong with her, why would they pick on her so much? Maybe they all crave her.
>>24966987
these motherfuckers are extremely delicious, there were loads in the staffroom today at work.
>>24983193
Report
>>24983211
Id say a 6-7, but they all say shes a 3
>>24983213
>is there something massively wrong with her
Not really, shes just one of those girls that are pretty cringy. Like she dresses up in japanese school uniforms and wears cat ears in public
>>24983260
They'll know it was me though, and I'm not sure if theyre having some #bants with the lads
>>24983128
Fug lad, the qt nendoroids I like to buy are like a quarter of that.
>>24983280
Good job at scoring a 7, anon. Don't listen to the #lads, they're pricks.
>>24983280
Ignore it then
>>24983280
>she dresses up in japanese school uniforms and wears cat ears in public
I'd fucking bully her too
>>24983118
>>24983140
>>24983188
You tell Holly that you could use some help with your back - you're not going to be able to look at it properly yourself, after all.
She suggests you get a taxis to hers, as it's slightly closer than yours. You agree.
The pub has mostly returned to normal by the time you've finished your pints and left. With the one exception of Schofield, who is still weeping on the floor, despite the barman's best efforts to eject him.
In the taxi, Holly apologises again for her co-presenter's behaviour.
Do you:
>Try to kiss her in the taxi. (A roll).
>Settle for some light touching of her leg. (A roll with more favourable odds).
>Just keep talking till you get to hers.
>Your own suggestion.
>>24983361
Touching of the leg.
>>24983361
Leg touching
>>24983361
Light touching of the leg.
this holly fanfic fantasy bullshit is gay as fuck
>>24983413
Schofield detected
>>24983348
Don't worry, the bullying will change her soon enough. Her interests will be the x factor and getting so drunk that she vomits all over the streets on the weekends. Then anon will accidentally impregnate her, she'll keep it, and his life will be a never-ending horror.
>>24983413
Bad day at school, champ?
>>24983413
>Underage ban who's never been on /tg/
>>24983280
>Like she dresses up in japanese school uniforms and wears cat ears in public
That sounds pretty hot desu
>>24983378
>>24983393
>>24983411
+1 for her being tipsy, +2 because of how well the date has gone so far makes a big +3 bonus.
0 or 1: you miss. 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9: you hit.
Crits apply.
If this fucks up....
>>24983413
:^)
>>24983525
Wooohoo hollys clunge inbound
>>24983584
inb4 it's a trap.
is cardio even a good idea when you already have irregular heartbeat literally every 10 seconds
I'm just a wagekek trying to live healthier but i probably oxidated too far already. should just have stayed NEET.
been wagekeking since 3 years now.
>mfw i will be one of the NEETS who have been found fit for work and die 4 years later
>>24983600
We cant get THAT lucky
>>24983525
You put your hand on Holly's leg, and to your mild surprise, she doesn't seem to mind at all.
In fact, she seems to welcome the physical contact.
When the taxi arrives, Holly pays and says, "Let's get you inside and have a look at your back." She even takes your hand as you enter her rather large house.
"Come through here," she says as she leads you to spacious sitting room, "Now come on, don't be shy, get your shirt off, have a seat, and I'll get a bottle out of the fridge and have a look for you."
Do you:
>Do as nurse Holly says.
>Make a pass at her now [how?].
>Do as nurse Holly says, but also take off your trousers before she gets back. (Might not be a success, but high risk, high reward).
>Your own suggestion.
>>24983716
Do as she says
>>24983716
Say 'Yes Mistress' and do as she says.
>>24983716
Make a pass at her by saying "I'll take mine off if you take yours off"
>>24983761
Do this but jokingly enough to back out if we fail
>>24983814
We should do this.
>>24983716
>>24983737
>>24983753
>>24983761
>>24983814
"Alright then, Nurse Willoughby," you say jokingly - then add, in the same joking tone, but quietly hopeful: "I'll take mine off if you take yours off."
Gonna roll this one at -1 despite bonuses, because it's so forward.
SO:
0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5: she thinks it's a joke. 6, 7, 8, 9: she doesn't.
Crits apply.
>>24983970
FUCK
ORIGINAL
COMMENT
AH
Done with everything until January, gonna get fucking smashed tonight
>>24984015
We still talking about the fanfic? Either way, sounds like a good plan.
>>24983413
I agree, just means I ignore more posts than usual
6 more working days and I'm neet again, cany wait lads
>diabetes fucking with me again
this aint livin.
>>24984028
>fanfic?
What? I have no idea what's going on, I just got home...
>>24984052
Please put a trip on, I have no interest in your failed attempt at life.
>>24984049
I have 12, but it's alright because i'm broke as fuck.
>>24984077
it's not like you can fucking attempt to not get diabetes. there is no known way to prevent it you ignorant normie.
>>24984077
>I have no interest in your failed attempt at life.
the normies ITT are getting cheekier and cheekiert
seriously fuck off to /int/
>>24984106
You live in a first world country, just control it and get on with things like every other diabetic does
>>24984128
no idea where you got that from m8. the vast majority of type 1 diabetics don't control shit. they live a fucking miserably limited life and get their legs amputated when they're in their 50s.
>>24983970
Holly assumes you're joking, but she doesn't find the joke very funny at all. You sense her manner grow slightly colder towards you.
You get shirtless, Holly gets two glasses of wine and a first aid kit, and she starts looking at your back.
"Don't worry anon, it's not too bad - I'll just need to take a few bits of glass out, patch you up a bit and you'll be fine."
Holly's hands feel good on your back, though you can't pretend it doesn't hurt when she pulls the shards of Phil's glass out.
After she finishes, do you:
>Tell her you should get cleaned up.
>Call it a night - it's been quite a good first date, after all.
>Go for the kiss.
>Your suggestion.
>>24984176
>Call it a night - it's been quite a good first date, after all.
>>24984176
Go for the kiss we have to now
>>24984176
Go for the kiss, we've come this far and this thing started this morning.
>>24984233
Mate how am i supposed to wank to that?
>>24984235
Seconded
My comment is totally original wew lad
>>24984260
>he hasn't discovered edging
>tfw replacing Holly's name with your waifus
not sure why Schofield likes her though~
>>24984176
Go for the kiss!
>>24984271
I cant get hard to the thought if fighting an old man and not even getting sex for it.
>>24984233
>>24984235
>>24984248
>>24984269
There may be more installments if there's interest. Probably on /tg/ so I don't clog the thread again, but I'll link from here.
For now though, 1d10 is the deciding call.
Dead 50/50 odds: she's a bit annoyed about the joke earlier, but the date has gone well by and large.
0, 1, 2, 3, 4: failure. 5, 6, 7, 8, 9: success.
Crits apply.
God speed.
>haven't eaten anything all day
>no food in flat and too cold, tired and far away to go outside to tesco's
>already had takeaway for the past 3 days in a row so can't order again
what do tbqhwyl
>>24984331
>already had takeaway for the past 3 days in a row so can't order again
Dude just get a takeaway, you don't want to starve do you?
>>24984331
Call your carer and ask them to bring you something
>>24984345
really unhealthy doe lad 4 days in a row. don't wanna get fat
>>24984345
Hes had takeaway three days in a row. Fat fuck is not going to starve by missing one meal.
>just woke up after a night of getting shitfaced and discovered I started my very own piss bottle
Well, at least I can't get any lower than this.
>>24984407
Wait til you stop bothering with the bottle....
>>24984407
You havent got a shot jar yet mate
>>24984457
I used to piss out of my window
Hey guys, I am from /brit/ in int but the threads have been really dead lately, I think everyone got jobs and gfs so would it be okay if I join in here instead?
>>24984327
What's the reaction then lad??
>>24984327
Success! You can't believe how far you've come; this morning you were a KV NEET, and now here you are kissing Holly Willoughby, and all you had to do for it was beat up Philip Schofield and get her a bit drunk.
What's more amazing is she's kissing you back, and seems to be really into it.
The kiss lasts a while before she breaks it off, and says: "Listen, anon, I'm sorry - thanks for such a great night and we have to do this again soon, but I'm not the kind of woman who even usually kisses on the first date, much less anything more. Besides, I need to be up early for This Morning and it's really late. You're welcome to stay over and sleep in the spare room though, but I'm afraid it won't be any more than kissing tonight.
Do you:
>Try to seduce her anyway (someone else will have to take over the writefagging)
>Go to bed content.
In a dark alley behind the pub, Philip Schofield wakes up from his drunken slumber....
>>24984520
Are you r9k tier?
>>24984576
Go to bed content. Don't push your luck. Continue tomorrow with you, put a trip on when you come back. Make sure to link to the thread :) Thanks bro!
>>24984576
Attempt to get to sleep in her bed because we are traumatised and need her motherly cuddles
>tfw want to have sex with a girl but don't want gf and don't want to fuck a prossie
Conundrum
I AM STACKING AUTISMBUX YEEES
would you autism up or would you turn to a pussywagekek
And I can stop shitposting but I can't stop stacking fucking autismbux
Enjoy your Monday normos
anyone here watching gross gore's stream? good banter
>>24984618
This
GO AWAY ROBOT ORIGINAL
>>24984668
Most people ITT are over the age of 14 so I am guessing no.
>>24984710
negative nancy
>tfw your dad asks you why 'you're always looking at that cartoon frog' on the internet
>>24984618
>>24984651
She lets you sleep in her bed and you cuddle her. It is without a doubt the comfiest you've ever been. Nothing lewd happens though. When you wake up, she's gone, but has left a note reiterating how much she enjoyed the night before.
This'll be the trip when I restart.
Thanks for indulging my boredom today, guys.
>>24984668
>tfw my twitch husbandos girlfriend recently perma-banned me from speaking on their shared twitch channel
Going to the midnight showing of Star Wars with a cute girl in 2 days. I've never seen it and I told the girl I'd go because I kind of like her. Should I watch the movies?
Someone give me some motivation to not crash and fall asleep on my desk. Please lads, I'm in pain.
>>24984785
Nah mate they're shit just a bunch of wookies an that
>>24984802
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTGQrA5HHIU&feature=youtu.be
>exam tomorrow
>another on wednesday
>barely studied due to muh depression
>coursework due on thursday and need 10 more pages
>sat here on britfeel listening to anime OSTs
Everything'll be all right lads~r-right?
>>24984852
>Caring about exams
You really are a fucking normie aren't you?
Explains your obsession with attention.
anyone else here spending chrimbo alone? Mentioned to a colleague I was doing it again this year and she said it was probably the most pathetic thing anyone can do. its not even my choice, my family hate me and my friends are spending it with their gfs and/or families too. Reminds me that I need to get round to killing myself one of these days.
>>24984833
When that man gets old will he change his name to 'Old Thug'?
HOW THE FUCK DO PEOPLE ACTUALLY GET FAT WHAT THE FUCK IM USING A MEAL TRACKER AND I ATE OVER 3000 CALORIES DO YOU LITERALLY JUST EAT SUGAR FUCK YOU FATTIES
Probably gonna fail this entire semester. I've been battling intense depression the whole time and it's really had an effect on my work ethic. I've missed a deadline on one of the coursework pieces and I'm pretty much fucked in all of the exams.
Next semester I'm planning on staying on top of things but I really fell off the ladder on this one and I don't know what the fuck to do. This is the worst...
The only positive thing is that I've done okay on the coursework on one of my modules and should be able to do the exam decently. Same goes for another module. I feel like I'm pretty much screwed in the others though.
Please someone make me feel like it's gonna be alright.
>>24984908
I drink like a litre of Dr Pepper a day
>>24984922
What year are you in?
16 days until i am in Japan lads.
>58mg/dl
How the fuck am I supposed to control this shitty disease if it acts random
I've been go several doctors and hospitalized several times but my insulin demand is different every day even under lab conditions in the hospital under the watch of experts
>>24984936
This is my first year so I guess that has something to do with the amount of spaghetti that I've spilled over everything. I didn't adjust well.
>>24984922
>intense depression
aka being a pussy
>>24984922
>>24984962
Fuck off, normie
This isn't the place for you
>>24984908
I don't know either~
I actually think it's really, really weird that some people can eat three times a day. Seems really excessive tbqh~
Sorry if that offends anyone, I do realise that I'm the one with weird eating habits.
>>24984994
Being a robot /=/ being a dumbfuck that can't get into further education.
>>24984948
Take twice as much as you need now and then you wont have to worry about it for a while
>>24985029
But education has nothing to do with how dumb or smart you are you fucking normie. Not like a normie like you would understand though
>>24984761
>tfw Holly gf
>>24984945
>Jun
worst girl desu
>>24985076
You mean killing myself? I bet my fucking gayass curbstompfaggotbody would randomly decide to reduce its insulin sensitivity so I'd survive.
>>24985090
You know that you're one of the few people that actually use the term 'normie' unironically right?
>>24985090
we've been over this you int reject
unifags are fine so long as they have no gf or friends
>>24984761
Thanks for making my lonely day off less shit. I was here since the start and had a roaringly good time. If i'm not here next time, I will just ask for a recap of date two.
>>24984948
You need to go see Dr House he will know what to do
Hope you're having a good day.Kylo Ren is Han's son, Han dies.
>>24984908
>>24984932
Fizzy drinks family a 500ml bottle of coke is something like 110% of your daily recommended extra sugar intake
>>24985174
Who is Kylo Ren, the black guy?
>>24985209
who cares tbqh lad
Quick lads whats better
Ps4 or Xbox one?
Xbox has better exclusives.
>>24985265
PS4. Xbone exclusives are trash I've no idea where you get that idea from.
>>24985152
It will probably be on wednesday daytime, so you know.
Work tomorrow RRRRRRREEEEEEEEEE
>>24985174
That's old news mate.
>>24984962
First year is okay to fuck. You haven't fucked your degree up or anything yet.
>>24985309
I hope you're right. It's not entirely fucked, I mean, it's just a couple of modules in this semester that could be in danger. Next semester I'm not going to allow this to happen again.
>>24985110
>one of the few
Yeah that's because ignorant pieces of shit like you invaded this board
Hope you get shot in the next killing spree.
been up for 5 hours, going to bed already to watch anime. what is life?
>>24985118
I never fucking said otherwise. Just that intelligence isnt the only factor in success. If you're a mentally ill faggot who never studies and never pays attention during class then you won't succeed.
>>24985292
>these tears
lmao stay off 4chan for the next 2 weeks kid
>>24985488
Simply attending a university doesn't make me a normie. You seem to feel that anyone who isn't as much of a failure as you or worse is a normie, that isn't true. You're just at the absolute bottom of the barrel.
In my opinion it's edgy teenagers like you that make the board worse.
>>24985511
Withering.
>on the 9am bus that all the community college people use
>young qt in a leather jacket with that long fringe Ramones haircut gets on and sits by herself
>see her roll her eyes at the identical Stacie's that walk past glued to their phones
>lights up a cigarette as she gets off the bus
I'm in love lads, I just wanna pick her up from college on a motorbike and rude into the night
>>24985518
Mate, I was the first person that started posting solo dies on /tv/. You're in front of greatness right now. The original star wars spoiler guy.
Also luke is the yoda figure.
> 2015
> Still being keked to mommy and daddy
Why haven't you killed yourselves yet keks?
Suppose a happening or economic crisis type event happens and the government has to cut off the autism bux and your mum gets laid off when you NEETed till the age of 25. You will never get a job and just die of hunger.
the only thing I live for is football and football podcasts and even these are boring to me now, should I just kill myself
>>24985622
*ride, fucksake
>>24985279
Halo and gow are great
who /gamblingaddict/ here
have lost about a grand so far and have started selling my possessions to gamble more
>>24985341
I failed several modules, and since I actively took initiative and spoke to the man behind the curtain who organised the degree course, he supported me and arranged for me to do an extra year, where I redid those modules as well as do some final year ones. (I had a good excuse. I had to travel 6 hours a day to get to Uni and back. Very tiring to do)
So in my final year, I did six modules instead of eight. I got a 2:1 in the end.
So no. It's not too late. After all in the end of the day it's their JOB to make sure you get through it with the best grade possible.
>>24985696
Jesus Christ m8 stop that shit can ruin your life. For every online gambling success story you might hear about there's probably hundreds of cases of people losing everything
>tfw no triss gf
triss > yen
>>24985622
sounds like a typical whore
>>24985696
I played laddys poker for a while.
Always minimal amounts, because it's no fun if it's just pretend.
I put a fiver in the account about 8 years ago and there's still at least three quid left.
>>24985716
I'll see how it goes and if I fail the modules I'll do the same thing but I don't have that kind of excuse. The only thing I could really use as an excuse is the depression thing, I'm going to the counselling service and I've been offered SSRI so I guess I could get the councellor and the doctor to vouch for me.
>>24985740
From the way she carried herself and the fact that she seemed to be a loner at college, she didn't strike me as the type to be constantly riding Chad dick
>>24985752
>fiver
B I G B O Y
>>24985721
Yeah I know but its called addiction for a reason mate
>>24985807
>punk chick with an attitude
>not craving chad's dick
mate you're deluded
>>24985819
All you need to do is hit the big time once.
>>24985696
Poleaboo lost 300-400 quid before stopping
Getting back into it now, becoming a fan of watching poker
>>24985763
>I've been offered SSRI
Enjoy your boner drought if you take them.
>>24985819
So you're just going to continue down a path of self destruction without trying to stop because you're addicted and that's that?
>>24985763
If you show the effort that you want to succeed and you have some good grades in other modules, they'll let you off no problem.
First year is fine. Trouble is if you fail a bunch of modules you have to redo those exams and assignments. Possibly in the second year too.
Going for the depression angle is good. If you can get people to back it up even better, especially if there's written proof.
You would be surprised how supportive they can be as long as you act mature and polite about it.
>>24985871
>40mg of citalopram a day
>no change in virility whatsoever
>if I miss a single dose I have a wet dream 80% of the time
>29
Assuming I had the basic skills necessary what route should I take?:
>aerospace engineer
>analyst at gchq
>analyst at mi5/mi6
>naval officer
I finish my a-levels next year and was wondering what degrees/training/careers I should pursue. And yes I was 18 this September.
>>24985899
Fuck off, underage normie shit
>>24985828
All girls crave Chads dick, that's a given. My point was she probably didn't attract Chad because she appeared to be the quiet passive-aggressive type with no friends
>>24985919
Why am I a normie? Can you answer the question?
>>24985899
you don't have the skills if you can't work out what degree you need
retard
new thread just for us lads
>>24985961
>>24985961
>>24985961
>>24985941
You can be good at more than one thing. If you want to know I am good at maths, comp sci, anything logical and rational. I'm taking maths, further maths, comp sci and physics for a level with predicted a grades.
>>24985986
>hasn't even finished A levels
fuck off you underaged retard
>>24985871
Yeah that's pretty much the sole reason why I'm not going to.
>>24985882
Yeah, I'll try to do well in the exams next month but if it all goes to shit I'll get in touch with them.
