Turned in my paper. Got back my big paper for the semester, got a C. Kinda sucks but I didn't do very good on it. So looks like I'll be taking a C in the class. Now I have another paper to do by Wednesday, wew lad im so tired
I'm watching Before Sunrise, and I'm really enjoying it. I didn't like Boyhood much but I guess Linklater has something to him.
>>24822851
>Before Sunrise
Synopsis sounds pretty gay desu imo senpai. I haven't seen Boyhood but it sounded interesting. You watch a lot of romance movies?
>>24822790
its been a while based skelly
>>24822905
Whats up anon? Where've you been?
>>24822934
back at uni, problems caught up with me and now I'm going to hopefully drink myself to death with ease thanks to muh diabetus
>>24822790
why are you in uni?
>>24822966
Damn, what problems? Also thats a pretty shitty way to die :(
>>24822967
Because I don't know what I would do with my life elsewise. I'm ready to be done, I've burnt out hard this semester. I just want to be done.
I posted this in another thread but it died. I'm gonna re-post it because I'm desperate for attention.
It's a pretty weird feel knowing I'm almost definitely going to kill my self.
I mean I'm almost sure it will happen eventually it's just a matter of time.
It's getting much more difficult to hide how I actually feel from people around me because it's starting to become overwhelming. I mean usually I can hide it from people but these last couple of weeks I just couldn't bring myself to put on my normal face, to pretend like I'm okay. People at Uni asked me if I was alright and I said the five words I always say "Oh, I'm fine, just tired". It's getting harder to make them sound convincing.
I mean I'm a 21 year old KV just about to finish Uni. These were supposed to be the best days of my life but I end every day laid in bed looking up at the ceiling asking myself if I'm truly happy, the answer is rarely yes.
I guess I'm coming to terms with my eventual suicide. I just try to live in the short term man. If I'm happy tomorrow then I'll enjoy it because it never lasts and these moments of adjusted happiness are becoming less frequent and shorter. I'm still here for now, just depends on how long I can keep plodding on.
I don't know what I'm living for anything man. All I've had my entire life are other people to make me happy, but they're all leaving one by one. Everybody else just makes me so angry, I try to be happy with them but I can't trust any of them. Work has no point, it doesn't make me happy it's just wasting time so I get money to waste more times on things I don't enjoy anymore. My whole body is just sore and aching and I feel sick almost constantly now. Every day I keep wondering what I have to look forward to in the future and it all just seems so hopeless
>>24823059
feels like I posted this, don't even have to change a single word
Was delivering a part to this shop today and the people started snickering amongst each other at how funny I looked. I just hid and tried to get out as soon as possible. I don't know what to do. I feel physically weak as a result and I don't know if I can go to work tomorrow or ever again.
>>24823059
Have you ever sought like therapy or something?
>>24823136
Same to you anon.
>>24822997
i'm an obnoxious faggot who has borderline paranoia and overthinks the fuck out of ever human interaction i'm forced into
>first psychiatrist appointment is at 10 am
>>24822886
No, not a big romance guy. But if it's done well, I think it can be interesting. It's an exceptionally well done movie so far.
Gonna quit my job tomorrow. My parents will almost cetainly kick me out. I'll probably live in a hotel room until I can scrap enough heroin together to kill myself.
>>24823197
2nd anon, no I haven't but I don't know if therapy is for me. I have a lot of trouble trusting people, I always feel like everybody is using me or laughing behind my back and really don't care about me. Whenever I think of seeing a therapist I feel like I'd just mistrust every word that came out of their mouth.
>>24823193
They weren't laughing at you. Why would you think that?
>>24823217
Get professional help
>>24823222
Good luck anon, you'll do great
>>24823257
I might have to watch it.
>>24823266
Why're you quitting? Why would they kick you out?
>>24823307
Hm. Then I'm not sure how you're supposed to break that cycle. How long have you been like that and why?
>>24823136
I know that feel man, I'm NEET and feel the same way. I'd be starting from scratch to get on the path to any career and the only future I see at the moment is a life of pain and poverty and there's a billion more people with a fire in their belly to succeed and I'm already burnt out. I managed to calm down all the mind crippling negative thoughts today after a week of being in the fetal position over thinking about my current life situation and my future but, I still have no idea what to do about anything and am just not as good at life as the majority of other people in my age group and even much younger. I'm 24 and basically feel like a 16 year old
>>24822966
I'm also an alcoholic diabetic, isn't that a fun coincidence
>>24823379
I think I started having streaks of unhappiness and doubt in my life around age 16 but when it's been seriously building up to this since college started a few years ago. I could never make any real friends like I had made in high school, and everyday it feels more and more inevitable all my high school friends are going to leave me too. I guess once I got forced out of my happy place I realized there wasn't much that really made me happy in the world and I'm losing it
>>24823463
Do you have any hobbies that you could make friends through?
>>24823379
>Why're you quitting? Why would they kick you out?
I'm quitting because I hate my job. I don't want to dig through trash for Wal-Mart for 8 hours a day. My parents will kick me out for being too lazy to keep a job and I probably won't get another one. I don't have any friends so I don't have anywhere to go other than a hotel.
I have money, maybe I should just forget about the drugs. Killing myself through a lot of vodka would probably be easier.
>>24823379
>They weren't laughing at you. Why would you think that?
Whatever man. It was so obvious.
>Girl leans in onto coworker guy and whispers something into the ear.
<They both turn and look at me and start laughing a bit harder.
>The guy has to walk out until after I leave.
>The girl coworker won't even look at me in the eyes.
This has happened to me since forever but like I said, I'm starting to feel weak physically at the fact.
>>24823509
Video games, work interests, I'm on a lot of internet sites. I have made a lot of acquaintances and 'friends' both in real life and on the internet, but everytime I just feel like it's so hollow. They never really make me happy, it just becomes a stress to deal with after a while
>>24823059
'tis a strange feel indeed but see if you can gain any peace from that. the option of killing myself keeps me going
>>24823197
>Have you ever sought like therapy or something?
Nope, I've considered it but where do I even go? I'm in the UK by the way. I've though about going but I'm unbelievably bad at explaining how I feel to people. I've never told anyone about how I actually feel before.
I just have this horrible almost fear that if I ever tell someone they will just say I'm being pathetic and that I just need to man up. They'll tell me to stop being sad because I don't have any "real" problems. In my family we never talk about this stuff ever it just gets glossed over so I don't know how to do it.
Thank you for replying Skelly
>>24823518
Too lazy or too depressed?
>>24823535
Could just be paranoia. Happens a lot to some people. But even if they were being shitty so what, youll never see them again
>>24823581
So you don't get anything out of the friendships?
>>24823594
Probably some sort of counselling center, we have them here in the US at least. Also, your parents dont know?
>>24823670
Maybe I get some initial happiness for a few weeks, but it always goes away. Either the friendship objectively sours in some way, or I find some reason to distrust them, or they just distance themselves more and more, etc. It always ends up happening, it's been that way for years
>>24823670
>Could just be paranoia. Happens a lot to some people. But even if they were being shitty so what, youll never see them again
Fuck you, man. You don't care so you give out this feel good short term tip that the really stupid and desperate will eat right up. Why don't you do this board a favor and just get out?
>>24823670
>Too lazy or too depressed?
Bit of both. Family doesn't give a shit about depression until I try something. Then they suddenly give a shit.
>>24823697
So its really a problem connecting to people on a deeper level it seems
>>24823735
Well sorry that I don't know your entire fucking psyche from one very common problem that a lot of people have.
>>24823757
So they know about it then. What do they do when you try something?
>>24823830
You don't know anyone's 'fucking psyche' on here. So why the fuck do you think it's okay for you to fish out advice like you're some sort of fucking expert you fucking cancerous fuck.
well I'm drunk again, avoided crying so far, last night stayed up until 4am drinking while spending most of the night crying.
>>24823670
I'll look on the internet for something near by. I'm sure there will be some mental health stuff at Uni somewhere. My parents don't know at all I assume they just think I'm gay since I've never had a girlfriend and just don't want to bring it up.
>>24823887
Jesus christ you didn't have to come in here at all. Sorry my words upset you so much but you don't have to fucking attack me. I've never claimed to be an expert, most of my advice here is to see a professional anyways, I'm really just hear to listen to people who feel like noone else listens to them.
>>24823915
Whats wrong anon?
>>24823931
The ones here are sliding scale for payment but I'm not sure how yours would work what with your healthcare system.
>>24823941
Hey man go kill yourself. How about that? Help us by killing yourself, faggot.
>>24823830
I guess it is. I feel like I met the best people I was going to meet in my life years ago and it's all just downhill from here.
>>24823941
hating life as always.
>>24823980
Ouch that really hurt my feelings internet man.
>>24823988
Any specific reason? Does it come from anything?
>>24823983
Thats a bad outlook to have to be honest. It'll cause you nothing but pain in the long run.
I thought robots don't feel anything. Not even deppression.
>>24823830
They put me in the hospital.
>>24824046
A lot of people feel empty with depression. I konw I do
>>24824061
Ah. Is there any follow up treatment to that? Do they act differently when you get back?
Why do I suck at everything I do? I finally find something I think I want to do, so I start college for it. No debt, everything going great, and then a goddamn gen ed kills me. I'll be lucky to get a D in fucking Spanish. Goodbye, chances at a Master's program.
>>24824084
I get put on antidepressants which never work. Whenever is shows to be useless the doctor just ups the doseage.
>>24824035
loneliness I guess, not being happy in general, hating the place I live, the people I live with, my thoughts, a lot of things I guess....(I was the one that told you about me crying in front of my friends and stuff last night)
>>24824102
Can you drop it? If you redo it next semester and get a better grade it will become the better grade
>>24824117
No therapy or anything?
>>24824122
Ohh okay. Is there any way you could pack up and get out of there?
>>24824160
only if I wanted to be homeless, I barely work.
>>24824102
Bro masters programs dont give a shit about what you got in your electives.
Just do well in the upper level/serious courses in your field and nothing else matters.
Coming from a phd student whose also done a masters and did terrible in all my gen eds
>>24824160
Therapy has always been useless.
>>24824160
It's too late to drop it. My GPA is already pretty shitty because I had a year of
>I like shitting around on Computer Science, so uh... Computers?
>>24823970
I'll check it out. Thanks for listening man, I'm gonna go to bed anyway.
>>24824233
Fuck, on Computers, so Computer Science. Goddamnit.
>>24822790
I seriously need some friends.
failed two final exams today
got another two to fail tomorrow
my life is pretty much a mess
>>24824188
Thats unfortunate :(
>>24824223
I'm sorry that you don't get anything form it anon
>>24824233
>>24824263
I did the same thing. Wound up cheating the entire semester then dropped the class
>>24824243
Goodnight anon
>>24824286
Do you have any means of making friends?
>>24824294
:( maybe take a semester off? Do you need a break
>>24824296
I don't even know what to do. I thought I had turned my life around, you know? Working, back in college, thought I had found something I could do for the rest of my life. I even have a submissive qt gf, thought that would make it feel better. Now I just feel worse because I don't think I can provide for her. This is just the last straw proving I'm a useless sack of shit.
>>24824365
Failing a class? It really isn't anon, it happens to the best of us.
>>24824347
I'm not going to take a semester off, this is literally my first semester. But so far I've failed a class, gotten shit grades in too more, and probably going to fail another. I just don't think school is for me.
I'm fucked in life without a degree though
actually I'm probably just fucked regardless at this rate
>>24824395
I wanted to be a professor. With a 2.0 GPA? Just isn't happening.
>>24824347
Nope. don't go outside, don't have a job, and I take online classes.
Has anyone reached the point where nothing brings pleasure anymore? How do I get out of this? I've been stuck for over half the year in this state. Things I've tried: medication, exercising, changing diet, and meditation.
Everything I do feels like a chore. I just want to enjoy something again.
>>24824564
booze helps a little it's the only time I am happy a little bit. Besides the times when I cry it's better than being sober.
>>24824413
You could get an apprenticeship/ get a trade. That shits pretty in demand right now
>>24824418
:(
Do you need a masters for that?
How far along in school are you?
>>24824502
Online friends? Thats where most of mine are
>>24824564
I was like that a while ago. What meds were you on? Also did you try therapy?
>Not driving into the lake until my parents are gone because l love too much to shatter them.
>>24824772
First semester back. Two years off after one year of being in it. I also need a PhD, but the in-major classes are a breeze for me. I just can't do Gen Eds. Since the subject I'm in is literally the only thing I'm good at, I'm overall fucked.
>>24824853
Do they know about your feelings?
>>24824863
Whats yoru in-major GPA vs your gen ed GPA?
>>24824863
My in-Major GPA is 3.8 and the rest is so bad it brings me down to 2.0, if that tells you anything.
>>24824413
>too
well there's your problem right there
>>24824910
Damn, I'm sorry to hear that. Are you sure they wont just look at your major GPA? I know some places do that for history
>>24824893
No, my Dad is dying of the pee pee cancer so l'm going to let our last few moments together be blissful so he can at least go thinking his son will be fine when he's gone
My ma, l don't deserve her, she's done so much for me, more than l can hope for and all l do is pay her back by being a whinny weird lazy prick. Also she'd a rough up bring and is mentally unstable. The last thing she needs to hear is her baby son is planning his suicide after her death.
>>24824973
Wait, what? History is my major.
>>24824772
I don't think I can do that either though. I'm just incapable of caring about anything.
>>24824953
hey stop bullying I'm just very tired, been awake for ~36 hours because I don't know
>>24824980
She still loves you, she wants the best for you. I can see why people wait (i've often said the same thing myself), but its relay better to let them help you.
>>24824989
Maybe it was a different degree, I'm still looking around. I could have sworn i saw a grad program that only required a in-major GPA, one for history.
>>24825005
Could you get help?
>>24825096
She still hasn't recovered from the trauma of finding me passed out drunk on the couch drunk from depression drinking 2 years ago.
l have to pretend l'm doing ok
>>24825096
I hope you're right, anon.
>>24825153
Well, have you ever thought about getting help on your own?
>>24825178
I'll keep looking. I'm putting off a paper.
>>24825096
what sort of help
Started taking zoloft today
If I have to go to class one more day (tomorrow morning) I'm gonna kill myself. Every one in it is insufferable and every day I am miserable. I don't know what I'm.gonna do, since I'm failing everything. God in hope this zoloft helps but in feeling more depressed than usual after taking it
I have an A in this class but the final review the professor gave to us has a bunch of bull shit in it that was never even covered in class and now I'm worried I'm going to bomb the final on Wednesday if this is the kind of shit that's on it. What the fuck?
>>24825193
Ya l have, l posted my blog in a trendy depression thread. Take a gawk if you want
>>24824247
>>24824615
>>24825215
Professional. Like therapy ormeds
>>24825292
Drop the semester if its killing you. Also give it a month, you wont feel anything till then
>>24825319
Even if you bomb you'll still pass the class
>>24825335
Meds aren't expensive, mine are like two dollars. And they help me a lot
>>24825319
Just wing it. I've done that on so many tests and still passed
>>24825406
I can't drop because of family reasons, they will kill me. Also because it's high school, I've failed 4 times in the past. I am 19.
my life is a wreck, im sitting here posting on r9k, convincing everyone that im looking for a job and live a functional and productive life. im going to get kicked out soon, and to add to my misery im going deaf in both ears. should i just kill myself?
>>24825455
How are you turning deaf? That awful, l'm sorry anon
>>24825495
ear infection took out most of my right ear about 6 months ago, left one is slowly following suit. went to a bunch of specialists and the claim im fine. no one fucking knows. im still in denial over it, but i live and breathe music so when it finally does go i dont know what the fuck im going to do. i already cant hear what people are saying to me so im becoming even more of a social recluse. that and the tinnitus preventing me from getting any sleep... fuck me
>>24825446
So you're in high school?
>>24825455
>>24825690
I remember you anon. I'm still so sorry about your deafness. That has to be so hard, I can't even imagine it. I don't blame you that you don't feel like looking for a job. Would they kick you out, even in this super stressful time for you?
>>24825773
eh because specialists they sent me to cant find what's wrong the just assume in lying to get out of work. shit sucks. thanks for your sympathy though.
>>24825819
Well thats horrible of them :(
>have applied for over 1,000 jobs since I quit my last one
>I have a "worthwhile" degree and lots of work experience so I've gotten 145 interviews
>zero offers
>want to kill myself every day but can't bring myself to do it
Wew I love being autistic. Wish I lived in a country that provided autismbux.
Doing it tomorrow night. Should I christmas shop during the day? Would that make it better or worse for the survivors?
>>24826039
Whats your degree? Where do you live?
>>24826137
Why anon? Nothing will make it better for the survivors
>wacked off
>it was great
>discovered my nails aren't symmetrical
>spend hours clipping them to be perfectly symmetrical
>still not pleased with it
not sure if today was good or not
>>24826552
My nails are terrible lmao. I bite them, but not too badly. Ugly but not like disgusting
>>24826584
how do you live with yourself knowing your nails aren't pefect?
>>24826618
apathy
for evertyhing
>>24826239
I'm just wondering what would be more painful, opening christmas gifts from a dead man or not. Maybe not.
>>24826718
I know it would tear me apart to open gifts from a dead man.
>>24826749
You're right. Thank you for the clarity.
>assigned new homework in favorite class, something you want to do in industy
>do your best on the homework
>get score back
>D
>repeat
>>24826840
Why are you doing it anyways?
>>24826876
Whats the class? Whats goign wrong?
>>24827136
Im shit and the class is hard
I will never be an engineer.
W/e as long as I can be self sufficient, which I should be able to do with a degree
>have an online friend for years
>been through a lot together
>he was pretty much my only friend
>have a very turbulent past with him
>have had several fights with him over inane bullshit
>eventually got tired of parts of his personality
>start being really cold to him for no real reason
>eventually dropped all contact with him
>regretted it not two weeks later
>tried to find him again
>he wasn't online anywhere that he usually is
>give up hope
>feel like garbage for the next few weeks
>months pass
>get desperate to see him again
>dig up his old email addresses, message all of them
>send several really sappy emails over the past few weeks
>no replies
>give up hope again
>check the email today on a whim
>he messaged me 2 days ago
>he said he didn't use those emails anymore
>said that talking through email would be pointless and he'd log back on to give me one chance to talk to him again
fuck what do I say. it's already been two days. he's not online right now. is it possible he's already given up on me since he sent that message? I just wanna be friends with him again
help me skeleton
>>24827222
just ask him to play a game and dont say shit
are you a woman? this is what men do, they just get over it
I think these past 2 nights I have reached the peak of depression. I have begun having these intense crying fits where my thoughts become somewhat uncontrollably verbalized, followed by rapid shaking. I actually think I'm going insane or developing schizophrenia or something. I'm so scared and so sad. It's 11 pm and I have a final at 7 AM and at this rate I don't even see how I'm going to get it done. I don't even know why I'm sharing this because even if I got worthwhile advice I wouldn't act on it. I just want to vent my feelings right now.
>>24827179
Maybe it just isn't for you? I tried the same thing with computer science and failed out. And computer science is easy
>>24827222
Thats a very weird situation to me. Where do you two normally talk? All you can really do is apologise, you can't exactly win someone back who doesn't want to come back at least a little bit
>>24827338
See a mental health professional as soon as you can. You sound like you're having a breakdown. You can get a medical extension for your finals. It will be okay anon. And its good to share
>>24827300
I've known very petty men. Both genders are capable of this
>>24827391
Little too late for that bro, I got one semester left.
Normally this would be good news but everyone I know has had internships or job offers, I have had none.
Il just finish with a sub 3.0 gpa, and no future.
Back to my parents house I go
>into my second degree
>cant stand it
>looking for work
>cant get any sort of decent job despite a degree (in STEM) due to mediocre grades, socially tard, shit extra curricular activities
>had an office environment interview today
>made me want to kill myself
>huge student loan
Don't know what to do, the only job I will be able to handle is something brainless which is over as soon as I leave work, no forced socialising with normies etc. but it will take forever to repay my loan at that rate.
There is an easy job at the local casino that I might apply for, other than that my only options are bankruptcy to get rid of the loan or killing myself.
>>24827612
It's not too late to get an internship.
>>24827617
What is your first and second degree?
>>24822790
Oh hey I used to make the /mentalillness/ threads but I'm glad theres still a place for peeps to go.
>tfw really lonely lately and desperately trying to search for some kind of affection
>tfw don't want to get out of bed because whats the point
>tfw panic attacks everyday before I go to work
At least its christmas soon but I'm feeling like a total loser lately. I mean I even passed my uni subjects (that I failed 3 times) and I still feel like human scum. How do I solve this shit honestly.
>>24827338
Same thing happened to me, pretty much. Had to repeat a class but I got through it. I know you can't really "grin and bear it" but it'll be over pretty soon regardless.
>>24827693
If you want attention without having to leave your room/bed/whatever, Omegle. Just type in any (if you enjoy anything) interests and try and discuss stuff with randoms. Potentially make long lasting friendship, if not who cares you at least got a fill of interaction to some degree.
As for the panic attacks/lack of desire. No clue if I knew I'd tell you, if you find out, let us know.
>>24827759
Been using omegle lately actually.Only for sex shit though
I feel dead inside when talking to most people as well these days. It feels like I'm not really making an impact on a conversation, just running through the motions.
>>24827646
First was math/physics, second is comp sci, I just did the second one because didn't want to work even though I was hating studying by the end of my first degree.
I should have just got a shitty job from my first degree but I was really depressed at the time and pressured to do shit by my family, but it's too late for that, thought I could stick out this degree until the end but I really can't.
>>24827338
not gonna say its not a big deal, but lots of ppl probably in your class are equally fucked
>>24827179
>I will never be an engineer.
The thing is, engineering work isn't like school. You're not made to perform under that kind of pressure. You do what you need to do and it takes however long it takes.
>>24827792>only for sex shit though
same honestly, It's tough to find the motivation for a legitimate conversation now but it's probably still the best shot we have if we don't wanna leave the house.
Same again with the dead inside part though honestly I can't even actually progress the convo, like I'll just get so tired of hitting next/dc and just give up midway on 99% of the chats. Question mode helps me, dunno if it'll help you, but it gives you something relatively specific (rarely) to talk about.
>>24823432
>>24823136
This is me, man. I'm 18 and it seems to me that i will never find something i enjoy. My job is fucking retarded and pointless. I make no money and i'm basically NEET. I see no point in ever working if all i'm going to do is be miserable and never get a job i will enjoy. Even if i do work i'll never get enough money to live comfortably. I will never fucking be happy. Why can't i just be happy and fucking normal.
I feel like shit for taking advantage of my parents. I'd rather just be homeless right now.
I never had a social life. All my friends are gone. Can't even recall the last time i've been happy. My whole life i've just been miserable. The only reason i haven't killed myself is because i care about my mom and i don't want her to be sad.
I just wake up, play vidya, drink, go to sleep. I just don't enjoy anything in life anymore. Everyday minute of being awake is me being miserable and hating my life. My life is fucking pointless
>>24827136
Brief rundown:
>well off family that is horrifically dysfunctional
>scars from childhood/young adulthood
>false rape investigation spurred suicidal thoughts
>had mental breakdown at new job in my career field, career is ruined
>depression
>anxiety
>depression
not even anime is distracting me from what a huge fucking loser I am
how do you get hard drugs without connections skelly?
>>24827940
I wish I had of realised this at 18, could have killed myself with some dignity intact.
>>24827830
Well, in college there's fucked and then there's fucked. It's sometimes hard to tell the difference.
>turned in a paper
Try not realizing that you've stayed in bed all day and missed two finals until 10 PM
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH JUST KILL ME ALREADY
>>24823059
The problem is that you try to hide it. People have empathy, and will help if they know you need it. Talk eto someone, in real life
does having a constant inner monologue of "FUCK. KILL YOURSELF. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? I WANT TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF. YOU SHOULD JUST KILL YOURSELF. FUCK. I WANT TO DIE. FUCK YOU. KILL YOURSELF." count as having suicidal thoughts even if you dont actually want to kill yourself and dont actually want to die? Does anyone else do this?
asking for a friend.
>>24828121
It might just be impulsive. When i was at work yesturday i was just so tired of the bullshit that i kept thinking "i should just fucking kill myself". I don't think i ever would but im just fucking pissed so i say shit like that
>>24828121
those are probably more like intrusive thoughts
>>24822790
I've felt close to suicide all day
I hate my new therapist, she only made me feel worse today. she sits there, fat ass crammed in her chair, smacking and licking her lips while she tries to remember anything I've said, asking the same questions again and again, mostly stupid asinine shit like "so, it's safe to say a goal of your treatment is to have less anxiety?" and "how would people around you know you have less anxiety?" bitch what do I care I just want to not feel suicidal
I only left my room to shit and otherwise have sat in here in the dark all day.
I can feel that I'm hungry but still feel like if I ate I'd puke.
>>24828121
It's okay, man. We can check out anytime we like, but we can never leave.
I'm sorry everyone I fell asleep for a bit and I'm pretty fuzzy headed I can't respond aymore tonight but tomorrow sorry
>>24828121
>>24828182
>>24828183
its gotten to the point where I now catch myself muttering it to myself out loud under my breath. Terrified that one day someone is going to hear and think im actually about to kill myself and then ill have to have some horribly awkward conversation about it
>>24828275
Yeah I'm kinda OCD and tend to have similar things sometimes. At least the way you've described it suggests something like that...
The problem is that if you're disturbed by it, that just intensifies and prolongs it. It's basically just meaningless and not anything you need to react to.
Had a job interview today that went well, which is terrifying. It's full time, and my current job is part time so its not that bad. I guess office wageslaving is my future. Human society sure does fucking suck.
does anyone else feel like college had an effect opposite of what was intended. Instead of learning and refining my skills I feel as though I've deteriorated in every intellectual aspect.
>>24829119
kind of. I feel like after 5 years of university I just stopped giving a shit about absolutely everything and find nothing interesting anymore.
I dont care about the research I do, I dont find science interesting anymore, I dont enjoy following politics anymore, I dont enjoy music or reading about anything anymore.
I've wanted to do research since I was literally in kindergarten and now that I'm finally here, after working towards that goal for 18 years, I just dont care about it.
>>24822851
The whole Before trilogy is really touching, I highly recommend Waking Life as well.
I don't like anything enough to foster a sense of appreciation for it and its prevented me from forming hobbies. The depression just keeps getting worse and there's nothing to distract me from it. My enjoyment of things feels numbed and limited, I feel like my dopamine receptors have just burned out and nothing gives me a sense of accomplishment or satisfaction. I have no real incentive to improve anything in my life and would rather stagnate until I eventually die at this point.
>>24823222
Trips confirm you'll be fine
>>24823915
and I'm drunker yay out of alcohol until tomorrow, not going to my wagekek job this week because I don't see the point.
>>24829310
I have become apathetic, but that's not what I was getting at. Since coming to school my writing and problem solving abilities have declined. My memory has also become!e much worse. I was more intelligent and better educated as a senior in high school.
>>24822790
> cripplingdepression
>Turned in my paper. Got back my big paper for the semester, got a C
This is the most normie fucking problems post I have ever seen, this must be bait, normies please get the fuck off this board with your simple problems
>>24822790
Fuck off. I failed uni, all I have is crippling debt. You fuckers don't know real sadness.
I got a hold of some klonopin
It's got it's pros and cons compared to xanax.
Kpins make me feel less "sedated" but I do feel off-balance and exhausted, but at the same time more emotionally "Uplifted".
Xanax usually puts me in an "I couldn't give two fucks" mood and then knocks me out in an hour.
Not sure which one I prefer yet.
Too bad I'm back on benzos tho.
In other news, my cold is going away.
>>24832651
why do you have a trip? I am genuinely curious about this. Lots of people around me have this "festive" cold and now so do I.
>>24832723
>why do you have a trip?
I don't even know anymore. At this point it's just because the option is there. It used to be because I wanted to be noticed, then it turned into wanting to be remembered, because if people remember me then that opens the doors for friendship, right?
Then it just became familiar to me.
I don't care about attention, or superiority, or acknowledgement anymore.
It's just a name that sticks and now without it, it feels wrong.
