What good banter has your country achieved historically?
For example when the Prince Imperial Napoleon was exiled from France to the UK, he joined the British army and then got stabbed to death by niggers in Africa when he was abandoned by his superior.
Another good one was that time when we took Portugals colonies to complete Cape to Cairo. Sorry about that m8s, we still love you.
And another one was when zionist terrorists killed the lord high commissioner for the mandate of palestine, so we split the country in two and let them kill each other.
>And another one was when zionist terrorists killed the lord high commissioner for the mandate of palestine, so we split the country in two and let them kill each other.
My favorite one
>>52265386
The bombs we exchanged were some good banter until you took it too serious
We once 1066'd England and its language
>>52265386
You forgot burning the white house
We told the Swedes we wouldn't kill their nobles.
Then we killed their nobles.
>>52266953
Top banter
>>52266953
#bantz
Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
it was a bit cheeky but its my favourite bit of historical banter
>>52265386
I remember the Duke of Wellington and how he stole Nappy's mistresses.
>>52266862
>tfw Old French name
we shilled in Moscow so hard they had to shoot our diplomats back inside cannons
due to our shilling Russia never became a developed country and the time when Poles were a menace is literally called "Time of Troubles"
we pillaged england so much that they let us do it without consequences because they were scared
#kuck
>>52267249
That's okay, the British are pillaging your children in return
http://dailycaller.com/2015/10/23/sweden-opened-its-doors-to-muslim-immigration-today-its-the-rape-capital-of-the-west-japan-didnt/
>>52267249
>we pillaged england
>swedish flag
Existing.
We had a bit of a tea party and the Brits couldn't handle the bantz
THIS !
9 french soldier figthing against 5000 italians
http://www.lesaviezvous.net/histoire/en-1940-9-soldats-francais-ont-combattu-5000-soldats-italiens-durant-une-semaine.html
Traduction with google trad (sorry)
"Benito Mussolini declared war on France June 10, 1940, however, Italy was not prepared for war and the Italian armed forces made little impact during this invasion, in fact, amounted Italians 6000 killed or wounded, while the French did in dénombraient 250 at the end of this war.
During the invasion, 9 French soldiers had a mission to defend the St. Louis Bridge and not to let the enemy. These soldiers fought heroically 9 5000 Italian, they resisted for a week (from June 18 to 28) and managed to kill and wound 700 Italians in this battle is called the Battle of the St. Louis Bridge"
>>52267551
us independence was the french bantering us desu
>>52265386
Burning down the White house was top bantz
>>52267640
>they're still booty blasted
>>52267791
wasnt that the canadians ?
>>52265386
You forgot the best one OP
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_of_the_Golden_Stool
>In 1900, Sir Frederick Hodgson, the Governor of the Gold Coast, demanded to be allowed to sit on the Golden Stool, and ordered that a search for it be conducted. This provoked an armed rebellion known as the War of the Golden Stool, which resulted in the annexation of Ashanti to the British Empire, but preserved the sanctity of the Golden Stool.
>>52267879
No it was British troops from Britain which burnt down the White House. See:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burning_of_Washington
>>52267936
>but preserved the sanctity of the Golden Stool.
Silver linings, 'ey?
>>52267596
>tfw your friends are adorable but retarded
it's just like back in school with group-assignments
>>52265386
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey_hanger
>The only survivor was a monkey, allegedly wearing a French uniform to provide amusement for the crew. On finding the monkey, some locals decided to hold an impromptu trial on the beach; since the monkey was unable to answer their questions and because they had seen neither a monkey nor a Frenchman before, they concluded that the monkey was in fact a French spy.
>>52265386
Starting two wars with China forcing them to legalise and sell our opium, giving us Hong Kong and us control of their ports.
>>52265386
WW1 i guess.
Oh, WW2 also.
>>52266691
We killed the UN high representative not the lord high commisioner. And he wasn't even British.
Battle of Brisbane
>>52265386
Sailing up the Thames and Medway and capturing the British flagship Royal Charles before selling it for scraps 6 years later.
Giving the Jews Palestine
>>52266862
>Normans
>Being leashed by the French
Non, f
Eisenhower bantered the UK so hard the PM resigned and they lost major power status
>>52268170
>capturing the British flagship Royal Charles before selling it for scraps 6 years later.
I'm still butthurt about this one
>>52268278
Thanks.
Never Forgive
>>52268385
Where the fuck do you keep that you cunts?
>Yurop fucks with American interests
>US: "No."
>France and UK almost implode
>>52268515
Room 2.15 of the Rijksmuseum. Come get it.
>>52268583
When you least expect it, bitch boy
>>52268615
We should 'reclaim' this for the crown
France don't bantz tbf
Countries just declare war for no reason and we take their provinces, that's all.
We got some top grade loot from our wars in central Europe that we refuse to give back, such as the only surviving gothic bible.
>>52269013
What about
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Croissant#Origin_stories
>>52268064
Didn't we kill a few brits when we blew up that hotel?
>>52268987
Well it is rightfully ours, it should be in one of our naval museums in a place of honour. HMS Royal Charles was a flagship of the English navy and even destroyed the flagship of the Dutch Navy before it was captured
One day... one day we will have our revenge
>>52267134
This
Made France declare war on us then raped them and took Elsass-Lothringen
Shame that they took it back later
>>52267134
>american "banter"
>>52268170
'Inviting' the dutch king to sit on our throne then stealing all their colonies and bankrupting his country to fund our military expeditions to expand them empire
>>52269455
We told the emperor to surrender. Nigga didn't believe us. So we told him two more times.
So yeah. We told them Germanic ladies "dun worry. We on your side."
And then we switched sides.
And 20 years later, we told them Germanic ladies "dun worry. We're on your side"
And then we switched sides
We also told NATO we're on their side.
#thebantneverends
#mrgiuseppewildbantz
>>52269460
That really was a master stroke. The best outcome wasn't the Dutch money or colonies, it was that King Billy approved the English Bill of Rights and the concept of Parliamentary Sovereignty, i.e. from that point onwards it was Parliament not the Monarch who was really in control.
well we currently have the entire world butthurt at us cause of our banter
>>52269643
It effectively removed our only colonial and naval competitor and we didn't have to fire a single shot kek
>>52269695
Devious
>>52268546
>end of britain's role as a super power
>three citations for that statement cause butthurt brits kept trying to delete it
>>52269397
We told you to stay out of that country, enjoy World War III, Fritz.
>>52268546
It wasn't just US pressure that caused the UK and France to back down. Pretty much the whole world was against us doing what we did in the Suez crisis.
>>52269763
The only silver lining is that it meant the US now had to do everything in the middle east
We genocided paraguayans huehuehuehue
>>52269763
It's a false statement anyway
Britain never was a superpower in the real sense of the term
The two WWs proved how weak they were compared to a lone European country
>>52269763
I thought that post-war US and USSR were the only countries to ever attain superpower status. I've only ever heard of the British Empire being a great power.
>>52268436
We won't. We could have helped the Dutch, but NOOOOO you needed all that negro cock in old portugas ass...
>>52269882
>damage control 3 generations later
>>52269931
This was post-war, if you could attack a country that you didnt have a land border with pretty much made you a super power
>>52269922
So I guess the US wasn't technically a superpower until the collapse of the USSR then.
>>52269882
>>52269907
The silver lining is that the Americans have nowhere near the financial clout to put that kind of pressure on us again (pic related). And yeah it was the US + USSR together opposing us in the Suez Crisis.
We also learnt valuable lessons: don't acquire too much debt and never trust the Americans too much.
>>52269931
Nope, when the term "superpower" was invented the British Empire was described as a superpower and then we lost that status after Suez.
>The term was first used to describe nations with greater than great power status as early as 1944, but only gained its specific meaning with regard to the United States, the British Empire and the Soviet Union after World War II. This was because the United Kingdom, the United States and the Soviet Union had proved themselves to be capable of casting great influence in global politics and military dominance. The term in its current political meaning was coined by Dutch-American geostrategist Nicholas Spykman in a series of lectures in 1943 about the potential shape of a new post-war world order. This formed the foundation for the book The Geography of the Peace, which referred primarily to the unmatched maritime global supremacy of the British Empire and United States as essential for peace and prosperity in the world.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superpower#Terminology_and_origin
>>52269931
Butthurt Brits keep pushing this meme that they were a superpower
And then you have retards who push it even farther claiming that France, Spain, the Ottoman Empire or even the Swedish ""Empire"" were superpowers
It's all about semantics, but these people really mean Great Powers
USA and USSR were indeed the only real superpowers.
>invading balkans
>taking their girls as wifeys
>taking their kids as soldiers
top bantz.
Our masterpiece, africa's frontiers.
You could also find a durka durka edition for our middle-eastern friends
>>52270067
I am literally learning a new way to trigger Brits ITT. Thank you for starting it Britanon.
Clearly this was great banter
>>52268546
For what it's worth, Ike later admitted that the US role in the Suez Crisis was a colossal mistake.
He believed that by stopping the incident, he could woo Nasser away from the USSR and bring Egypt and the Arab world closer to the West.
But the old problem with carrots over sticks is the enemy can interpret them as weakness, rather than kindness, and that's what Nasser did. He thought the US looked weak, and established himself even harder in the Soviet camp.
>>52265386
I guess capturing a fleet with cavalry counts
>>52269922
we won WW1 and WW2 singlehandedly.
>>52270072
>Butthurt Brits keep pushing this meme that they were a superpower
Excuse me? It was an AMERICAN who coined the term and classed the British Empire as a superpower. Why are you lying?
>According to William T.R. Fox, the United States (blue), the Soviet Union (red), and the British Empire (teal) were superpowers.
>>52270120
this is why people say americans cant banter, you fucking redditor faggot
>>52270067
>Recognition by historians of these older states as superpowers may focus on various superlative traits exhibited by them. Examples of these ancient or historic superpowers include; Ancient Egypt,[13] the Hittite empire,[14] the Persian Empire,[15] the Greek Empire of Alexander the Great,[16] the Roman Empire,[17] the Tang Empire,[18] the Mongol Empire, the Spanish Empire,[19] and the First French Empire of Napoleon.[20]
We suberbawur now :DDDDDDDD
>>52270100
Wasn't the UK the country most responsible for drunkenly scribbling the Middle-East's borders?
>>52270130
actually, that's our bait statement
>>52270130
I agree with other Brits that we were a superpower but this? No, just no.
>>52270137
I just discovered what teal translates to Italian!
Thanks UK, you truly are the master of human race
>>52270146
No it's not. His post was fine.
>>52269460
I never learned about all those negatives in school lmao they just said "and then the glorious smart Dutch king took over and brought back order and peace to England"
>>52270173
The jews ultimately won ww1 ww2
>>52270204
yea cause it was sucking your dick
>>52269460
That whole second part is false though, where did you get that from?
King Billy actually made our Golden Age last a little bit longer till the inevitable happened and the rest of Europe got their shit together.
>>52270137
Oh, if William T.R. Fox said it, surely it must be true then
Sorry for the distrubance
>>52270171
They're the main contributor indeed, but we did our part in Lebanon and Syria
>>52270246
"The shit ones"
>>52270072
Or maybe you are butthurt because France never achieved the same status as English-speaking countries like the British Empire and the US, and is still lagging far behind them to this day.
>>52270240
>brit starts this thread
>suez canal gets brought up
>all of a sudden the graphs and serious discussion come out
idk if you can fabricate this
>>52270189
You obviously don't know our own history.
>>52270216
>>52270235
he bankrupted the netherlands and shafted it's military to fund Britains wars
>>52270120
Nasser was just an opportunist who wanted to play both sides like Tito. I think the problem was Ike thought that Nasser in some way feared the soviets. Also
>voting with the gommies
I'm a dirty Serb, everyone always says we started WW1, that's gotta be pretty good for banter right?
>>52270111
The Suez Crisis doesn't trigger me because I've always seen the loss of Empire (and hence superpower status) as inevitable. It was going to happen sooner or later. It was probably for the best that it was the USA which acted against us, as it made the British government far more wary of the US
>>52270240
He's the guy who popularised the term. The 3 original superpowers were the USA, USSR and British Empire. That's literally how it was defined. Why does that make you butthurt? It shouldn't. We lost our superpower status soon after, so you shouldn't even care.
>>52270171
it was just banter for making us leave
>>52270280
Shouldnt you be watching your English speaking national TV right now?
I heard it has great programms
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOk_qxkBphY
>>52270374
Fuck your attacks on Norway, they send us Christmas trees
You send us immigrants on the back of lorries
>>52270173
In world war 1 we invented the tabnk which is the reason the war was won at all
In world war 2 we held out against the nazis alone and made them attack the Soviets then blagged the yanks into joining on our side.
>>52270130
This is USA bait bruh, leave it to the only superpower
>>52265386
When the German Kaiser asked in 1912 what the quarter of a million Swiss militiamen would do if invaded by a half million German soldiers, a the Swiss ambassador replied: shoot twice and go home.
>>52270327
>We lost our superpower status soon after, so you shouldn't even care.
Even in 1945, you were sooooo far behind the other two that it made no sense to include you in the same category as them
>>52270374
At least we speak a relevant language here in Norway. The same can't be said about you.
>>52270193
enlighten us pastabro
>>52270374
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b06g6d6m
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b06nsk38
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b06qnk6p
this is just the first 3 letters of the alphabet, ill keep digging
>>52270297
That would have been epic banter on our side if the dutch king managed to produce male offspring. Hè just centralized shit in England too much which would have been fine if hè had kids.
We killed some roman traders, that provoked Julius Caesar intervention but was good fun
We pushed the wisigoths over the pyrenees so they lived in their desert, didn't help them even when the muslims invaded, haha
Invaded all of Europe lol
>>52270478
This is a strange post
>>52270435
we are the only superpower
>>52270603
I bet this guy is a proxy
>>52270462
Ottanio. I never knew teal had a name before. I just called it light blue.
>>52270622
no we as in the UK, are the only superpower and singlehandedly won WW1/2.
>>52270478
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b06cnbbc
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b06kjz32
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b06g55y0
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0345d6w
also there's like 10 shows about how bad and racist the US is but i didn't bother to put them here
Some of Afghanistan's best banter:
>Made Alexander the Great fall in love with a Bactrian princess (Roxana), thus polluting the genes of the greatest European conqueror ever
Sadly his son got killed at 13, otherwise it would have been even more shameful 2bh
>Have Holocaust'ed the Sikhs twice, one time ruining their most sacred holy site and filling the and filled the pool around it with cow carcasses
Latter part because Sikhs are principally vegetarian and the cow has a special place for Sikhs (not holy like for Hindus, but still more important than other animals)
>Forced the British to withdraw from Kabul, they agreed, but then massacre literally all of them except for one anyway.
Pic related
>>52270659
>British """""""""bait"""""""""""
This is insulting for all of us shitposters
Are you a Paki ?
>>52270690
S A V A G E
A
V
A
G
E
Based Afghans though, you've got to respect them. If we ever need a good, long, tough war, we know where to go.
>>52270669
>How gay is Pakistan
That's top banter t.b.h
>>52270297
Where did you get that from? We had a large debt but that was not because of him, but because the Republic loaned a shitload of money from everyone. I don't recall England stealing any colonies during his time either. And the English and Dutch even fought together against the French.
>>52270690
Was it his lucky day of the worse day of his life ?
>>52270738
bruh i laughed so fucking hard when i saw that
>>52267879
It was actually forces from the Isles you had already been backing up their militias in Canada. Basically the Canadians never left Canada.
>Seize Norwegian Fleet
>Take it without losing a single ship
>Blockade Norway
>All this without declaring war
Does Poland have any good historical banter?
>>52269296
By that logic you'd have to return a lot of shit in your museums.
>>52271008
>so we told Prussia, Austria and Russia to partition us
>hahahaha they actually did it the absolute madmen
>>52271008
Yeah, Poland had some side-SPLITtingly good banter
>>52271125
>By that logic you'd have to return a lot of shit in your museums.
Not if I indulge in a healthy dose of hypocrisy, famfam
>>52271146
>Poland: My sides!
>>52270690
At least we killed over 40.00 combatants and a million civilians this time. Fourth time's the charm.
"I, the khan and sultan of Mediterranean, Black Sea, Anatolia, Karaman, Kurdistan, land of persian, Damascus, Aleppo, Egypt, Mecca and Medina, Jerusalem and all of the lands of arabian, yemen and all of many other countries; Son of the Bayezıd, Son of the Sultan Selim, Shadow of the God, Sultan Suleiman Khan and you, governor of the France, Francis..."
starting the letter to your ally with this is pretty bantzy Tbh
>>52271008
They tried rulling Russia with a false King. Isn't it such a cute banter, /int/?
Jan Pieterszoon Coen killed thousands of natives so he could make money... and got a statue for it.
Razing Poland mongol style lmao desu senpai
>>52271217
Not Understanding British mentality
>>52266953
absolute madman
Built the greatest empire in history, spread civilisation across the planet, made our language the world's most spoken language, won WW1 and WW2. (we would have won even if America had not intervened)
>>52266953
Never forget
>>52271563
That's not bantz old boy. That post should be in greatest achievements thread
>>52271563
Your english is so horrible that it became your own banter.
>>52271563
>we would have won even if America had not intervened
>>52271277
Yeah but Talibantz still exist and are stronger than they were 10 years ago
>>52270285
lol. Suez was proper bantz on your part. The butthurt illustrates it perfectly.
We once started war that killed 30% of Germans or so
>>52271563
>made our language the world's most spoken language
You didnt though
French was still number one at the peak of the British Empire
English only became relevant after WW2 thank to the USA
WWII was our biggest banter
>>52271881
Britain really doesn't give a shit about the Taliban. Was more about getting revenge for the massacre of Elphinstone's Army.
We played pirates for a while and sold Europeans as slaves
Also now we're sending Europe hordes of Africans
>>52265386
You forgot about killing nobles at Agincourt instead if taking prisoners. Also destroying the French fleet in WW2 might count as well.
>>52267144
Well now, we weren't about to let those surrender monkeys hand their boats over to the Nazis.
Being officially regarded a victim of WW2.
we told the lithuanians they will be totally equal in the union
then replaced their language and high culture with polish
Requesting the Brazilian-French dispute over lobsters
>>52272564
>the feeling when we won the lobster war.
>>52272290
Here's the extended list of British banter against humanity
>>52272564
>French people genuinely believe that kangaroos are birds because they jump
>>52268242
>Normans LITERALLY spoke French
Normans...more like kekmans, amirite
>france pussies out and surrenders
>bomb their navy before they get off the boats
top bantz
>>52269397
>Germans won TWO wars against France and they're proud
gg
>>52272788
Those blue bullet points look like tears.
Crowned the Kaiser in Versaille
Frenchies still mad 70 years later
>>52270446
Oh, so English is now an official language in Scandinavian countries ?
You're cucks, we know it, but please, come on...!
>>52272882
Normans spoke French and made England's nobles speak it too.
French speaking != French.
Remember, you speak American not English :^)
>>52272943
That's not how it happened though
You merely bombed a small harmless flottilla to send a message (those who arent with us are against us)
The real French navy was in Toulon, but you bunch of pansies were too afraid of the Germans to even come back near the continent after Dunkirk (until Daddy USA arrived in 1944 at least), so the French had to destroy their onw navy to save your pussy island
>>52272788
>dat frenchie butthurt
All's fair in love and war
25th October 1415 best day of my life
>>52273071
>and made England's nobles speak it too.
Akchually, it was the Angevins who did
The Normans only ruled England from 1066 to 1154.
The Angevin (pure French unlike Normans who were a mixed breed) ruled England from 1154 to 1485.
>>52271398
Based JP always keeping the peanuts in line
>>52272788
Thatcher was pretty based though, didn't fuck around
>>52273073
>frenchies will literally bomb their own navy
>and be proud of doing so
You literally can't make this shit up
>>52271563
>we would have won even if America had not intervened
Ofcourse, USSR was there.
>>52273175
You're welcome btw
>>52271319
Pretty based 2bh
>>52270374
>called some girl in my class a whore once
>she started crying
Whoops
>>52272788
All that pales in comparison to what France did. The HRE and its allies defeated the Ottomans and saved European Christendom, and what did France do? They stole some of the HRE's land.
Once a muslim, always a muslim
>>52272943
>Britain aka most powerful country in the world aka MUH EMPIRE sides with France
>we fail
>they run away, we defend them
>they kill our sailors
Yea, sure, good banter
>>52273034
Well, we buttraped your for centuries, I think you deserve at least one or two victories
>Thread suddenly derailed by the same British and French shitposters
Can we not have one thread without your autists shitting the place up.
>>52273351
>Getting played like a fiddle
Top lel
>>52273346
>The HRE and its allies defeated the Ottomans and saved European Christendom, and what did France do? They stole some of the HRE's land.
Well, what can I say?
Black dick is expensive
>>52271319
I like this one better
>Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan!
>O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil's kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are you, that can't slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil excretes, and your army eats. You will not, you son of a bitch, make subjects of Christian sons; we've no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck your mother.
>You Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, pig of Armenia, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig's snout, mare's arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw your own mother!
>So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won't even be herding pigs for the Christians. Now we'll conclude, for we don't know the date and don't own a calendar; the moon's in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day's the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!
>- Koshovyi Otaman Ivan Sirko, with the whole Zaporozhian Host.
>>52273073
>Having to blow up your own navy because you got invaded and taken over, makes us pansies.
>French surrender monkey logic
>>52271319
>As the Sultan; son of Muhammad; brother of the sun and moon; grandson and viceroy of God; ruler of the kingdoms of Macedonia, Babylon, Jerusalem, Upper and Lower Egypt; emperor of emperors; sovereign of sovereigns; extraordinary knight, never defeated; steadfast guardian of the tomb of Jesus Christ; trustee chosen by God Himself; the hope and comfort of Muslims; confounder and great defender of Christians - I command you, the Zaporogian Cossacks, to submit to me voluntarily and without any resistance, and to desist from troubling me with your attacks
>O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil's kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are you, that can't slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil excretes, and your army eats. You will not, you son of a bitch, make subjects of Christian sons; we've no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck your mother.
You Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, pig of Armenia, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig's snout, mare's arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw your own mother!
So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won't even be herding pigs for the Christians. Now we'll conclude, for we don't know the date and don't own a calendar; the moon's in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day's the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!
>>52273452
The fact a German satellite had to blow up its navy to prevent Germany from using it to invade the ugly island where you were cowardly hidding makes you pansies
>>52273351
Exactly YOU failed not us.
>We continue to defend your land when you can't
>>52273402
I thought a superpower could defeat a country in at least 2 or 3 days !
>>52273346
We already removed kebabs during crusades
You can't understand
>>52273585
>Exactly YOU failed not us.
Yeah, the BEF sure was successful
>but it doesnt count if you're military defeated in another country, only defeat at home are failures
I ber the US won Vietnam then
>>52269955
>yfw you realize that old portuga's ass is your own ass
>>52273585
>We continue to defend your land when you can't
wot
>>52273452
>Brit calling me a surrender monkey
wow and I thought Brit posters were butthurt. lol. Pierre, pls.
>>52273678
t. Alberto Barbosa
>>52273704
Of course they're
Some random Russian chucklefuck appeared in Poland and called himself Dimitri, the lost son of Ivan the Terrible. He asked our king to support his "claim" on the throne, but the king was a Swede and Swedes can't into bantz. The nobles though found the idea absolutely hilarious, waged a private war and installed him as a Tzar.
Shortly after the Russians revolted against him. Dimitri was captured, executed, buried, exhumated and dragged by a rope tied to the balls to the city square where he was quartered, burned, stuffed into a cannon and fired in the direction of Poland.
Next year the nobles arrived in Russia with an army and some random hobo they called the "Dimitri who miraculously survived"
>>52273530
>hiding
>leaving your entire army to get slaughtered by superior numbers and better equipped army is a good idea when fighting a war for your very existence
you serious bruv?
>>52273624
Your king didn't even take part in the First Crusade (the most successful one)
Not to mention you had an alliance with the Ottomans for some time
Being a mudslime was in your blood from the very start.
>>52273585
If France would be defeated, UK would be the first to surrender. Everyone knows that,
>>52273676
No but if another country successfully invades yours and you have to sign a surrender agreement. You have definitely failed and lost.
We teamed with brazil to assrape Paraguay. They will be a third world country forever
>>52273845
Except France was defeated and the UK did fight on.
Huemonkey, please don't discuss history amongst the big boys, okay?
>>52273845
But France was defeated and the UK didn't surrender...
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
UK STRONGGGGGGGG
>>52273873
If you're kicked by the enemy from a land you tried to defend, you lost as well
You don't need to get conquered to lose a war
>>52273845
>France wasn't defeated
Don't know what history books you get in Brazil.
>If France would be defeated, UK would be the first to surrender. Everyone knows that
Just No.
>>52273903
>>52273917
>>52273986
Lmao buttdevasted bongs
>>52273970
Yeah, you need to surrender and the war to conclude to lose the war.
Neither happened for Britain. It's like saying if you lose one battle then you lose the war, this is why you lot got btfo in WW2
>>52265386
We built a church on the top of the biggest pyramid of the Aztec empire
>>52265386
When all the European powers invaded France telling us "if you harm your king we're going to raze Paris" the first thing we did was to arrest the king and then decapitate him.
We then proceeded to repel the invasion and dismantle those states who attacked us.
It was good fun
>>52273834
Yea, we had an alliance with Ottomans, because everybody wanted to destroy our country for...some reason :>
Why are the frogs still pissed off with us?
Sort your lives out lads.
>>52273903
>>52273917
>>52273970
The french fought till the very end. Shame on you. If it wasn't by them, you'd not been typing right now.
>>52273903
>we fought !!!
Yea, you destroyed some German planes thanks to Slavs, bravo
>>52273970
'If you're kicked by the enemy from a land you tried to defend, you lost as well
You don't need to get conquered to lose a war'
Yes we lost the battle trying to defend your land, but never lost the war.
You lost the war because you lost your land. Something that Dunkirk, the battle of the Atlantic and the battle of Britain prevented
>>52273585
>YOU failed not us.
Remind me, what accomplishement did the glorious British Expeditionary Corps achieved, apart from running away?
>>52274113
You're the obsessed ones m8
Look at this thread, look at OP pic, look at British posts itt
>>52274113
You'd be upset if you weren't British
>>52274124
>"Oh non pls strong german man pls don't hurt me, here have half my country"
>Fighting till the very end
>>52274104
>for...some reason
Success brings jealousy
>>52274089
looks like a mosque to me
>>52274090
good ol' times...
>>52274144
>Beat the Germs in North Africa and the Middle East
>Beat the Gooks in Burma
>Beat the Germs when they tried to invade
>Beat the Germs in Europe
Meanwhile in France...
>Yes Monsieur Hitler, I will give you dat blowjob
>>52274051
>>52274149
England Technically lost WW2 as well.
They entered WW2 to free Poland and when WW2 ended Poland wasn't free, way to go fucking Churchill. Give yourself a pat on the back.
>>52274149
>Something that Dunkirk, the battle of the Atlantic and the battle of Britain prevented
>Dunkirk
You're welcome btw ;-)
>>52274164
you're our closest neighbour and closest international friend, of course we talk about you
>>52274089
lel
>>52274152
Fuck all, but Britain was never conquered. Unlike France.
Why you so butthurt we didn't successfully defend you? Shouldn't rely on other countries for your security
>>52274237
Nice irrelevant theaters
Face it, you did nothing but hide on your island until Americans arrived, then you gave them your women
>>52274172
>You'd be upset if you weren't British
sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold swaet screaming NON...NON then I come to my senses and remember I'm British and everything is ok again
>>52267936
Outside of Baltimore a few weeks later we shot one of your generals for the laughs in a battle I belive.
>>52274237
>beat the Germs in NA and ME
m'yea, good job, they had a lot of (POWERFUL !) colonies in Africa, after all...
>gooks in Burma
M'yea, gj, I guess
>Germs when they tried to invade
M'yea gj, again, I guess
>huuur yes monsieur hitler xDDDD
ebin
>>52265386
We turned a popular British drinking song into a song about killing Bongs and then made it our national anthem.
Freedom fries was also bretty gud.
>>52274211
Yeah, a church is a bit like the mosques you're familiar with, but it is used by Christians.
Why are brit always so butthurt about history? This is some poland-tier insecurity.
>>52265386
Shamelessly whoring out my almost dying risk thread...
>>52273922
>>52274270
>technically lost
How does that work lad? At the end of the war Germany lay in ruins, their country divided into 5 and had 10 million dead or something, I'd say we came out of it fairly well considering.
>>52274344
>Brits still believe they're NOT French
>>52274427
What are we butthurt about?
>>52274427
Give them a rest
They have the least glorious history in Western Europe
Hell, they never even won a war against another european country by themselves
I'd be butthurt too
>>52274341
>Irrelevant theaters
If Britain were taken by the Nazis, then any attempt to retake the continent would be nigh impossible.
Burma helped ease the burden in the Pacific and for Russia
Europe does not need to be explained
North Africa and the Middle East were important not only for morale purposes (showing the war machine was not unbeatable) but again were important for things like the Italian campaign.
The only theaters the French participated in were the ones were you staged plays exalting the glories of your Nazi masters
>>52274344
It's why I fall asleep every night to the sound of Jerusalem, wrapped in the Union Jack under the watchful eyes of my signed frame photo of Queen Lizzie
>>52274427
>be stronk
>anons on a cambodian confectionery congregation say we're not stronk
you do not know suffering until you have experienced this pain
![USS_Constitution_fires_a_17-gun_salute[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/wJSlGMp.jpg "USS Constitution fires a 17-gun salute[1]")
We made this tiny boat and named it after our constitution and then we sunk 4 huge British ships with it
>>52274492
Didn't read
>>52274480
>your country is poo poo
>No it's not, here's some evidence
>you're butthurt!
Such is the deranged mind of a non-Anglo
>>52271008
The fucked up the commies after letting them near warsaw in 1921
>>52274452
none of which accomplished the very reason you went to war in the first place
>>52274602
Well, you are French after all.
>Pope calls on all christians to recapture the holyland
>Go and kill jews in the rhineland instead
>Church tells us to stop
>We don't
Shit, we always were the autists of Europe, weren't we
>>52274452
And they're still far more relevant than Britain today. Funny how that worked out.
We don't banter.
We're only up for serious discussion
>>52274607
Holy shit, that's a butthurt post if I ever saw one
We got that one emperor with so much swag the Brits are still obsessed over him 200 years later.
Kanye ain't shit, yo
I'm starting to believe all these shit posters about Britain are actually British posters under proxies that just do it to help start the wankfest about how great we are.
>>52274735
Second most, after yours
>>52274701
They're only relevant in the sinking ship that is the EU, everywhere else the UK is far more relevant
>Britain takes 6 of our counties
>Those 6 counties are now an economic leech on Britain
Cannot be made up.
>>52274753
he was a cuck. His wife cheated on him regularly.
>>52274701
Depressing is the right word. But knowing the Germans, they'll fuck it all up again.
I think Brits need a corrective in this thread
>Francis Drake lost against a woman
>>52274452
You say like it's all your prestige. Top kek
>>52274841
Still got six of your counties though.
>>52274886
Can't make this up even if you tried, 10 /10
The best we have has to be the defenestrations, the second one actually started the 30 year war. Throwing people out of windows is top banter.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defenestrations_of_Prague
>break japanese naval codes
>get them to reveal their plans to attack midway by saying the desalination plant was broken
> proceed to fuck their shit up and sink all four of their carriers
>>52265386
>Romania in wwi
> enter war enthusiastically, thinking of quick victory
> get blasted to pieces in 1916
> get bloody stalemate in 1917
> don't do anything for the rest of the war.
> when everybody around us is defeated steal all the territories we can grab around us
> post-war propaganda " We won the war!!!!!" "Long live our armed forces"
We btfo Russia in the space race
>During the early stage of the battle, when the Spanish forces had retreated from different defense points to regroup in the larger fortress of San Lazaro, feeling victory in his hands Vernon dispatched a messenger, Captain Laws, to Britain to inform King George of the British forces' entry to the inner bay on May 17. The souvenir industry, in expectation of a triumph that never came, had been busily manufacturing commemorative medals for the occasion. They were mainly made by button-makers, who copied a few basic designs and are generally of very poor quality. The largest collections of these medals can be found in the UK and the US. Commemorative china was also produced but its survival has been rarer. In one of the medals Admiral Vernon was shown looking down upon the "defeated" Spanish admiral Don Blas de Lezo who appeared kneeling down. A contemporary song was composed by a sailor from the Shrewsbury that prematurely celebrated the victory
The English king was so butthurt about the lost that he told he would kill anyone who said in public about the defeat. Also lets not forget about the Vernon's memorial in Westminster. Abbey
>>52275142
I mean you did get the ultimate level, which is the moon landing but in virtually everything else Russia won. First thing, animal, person in space etc. If it is a victory for the US it definitely isn't an overwhelming one.
>>52265386
you missed at least three
Taking Gibraltar
Taking the Falklands
and keeping your colonies in you sphere of influence, and cucking them, under the guise of loyalty to the queen
>>52275382
But the fact people are still butthurt about it today makes the victory oh so much more sweet
>>52274868
And that's related to what I say ... how ?
We wanted to buy Cuba but Spain refused.
So we blew up our own ship and then used it as an excuse to take all of Spains remaining colonies.
>>52275614
Clearly America is the true progeny of Britain
>>52275695
Also there's the time we wanted to buy the southwest from Mexico and thry said no. We then built a fort in disputed territory which led the Mexicans to try to throw us out then took that land by force and gave them 1/10th of the money we offered them the first time.
US
>if you help us fight the british you can have your land on the St lawrence
Brits
>If you help us fight the US you can have your land on the st lawrence
lel, such banter
>tell Britain we're not going to war
>rebel while they're away
>>52266862
>Normas
>French
The Normans were essentially Vikings.
>Austria-Hungary falls apart
>use Kingdom of Serbia to form Kingdom of Yugoslavia in order to avoid being divided by other Allies
>wait for WWII
>join the Nazis to genocide Serbs
>have a Croat lead the anti-fascist movement
>those Nazi Croats now desert the Nazi army and join the anti-fascists
>enter new Yugoslavia as a victor of WWII (twice victorious, as our second president says)
>Croat for a dictator
>somewhere around the 70s change the Constitution to allow separation from Yugoslavia
>declare independence in 90s
>Serbs react
>genocide more Serbs so Croatia is over 90% Croatian
>independent country today
Masterful work.
>>52271880
Definitely would have won WWI without US help. Probably would have won WWII without it but it would have taken much much longer and been far worse of a time. Thanks though.
>>52268064
He was Swedish nobility (descendant of French king of Sweden during Napoleon's time).
>>52277125
You wouldn't have won WW2. You would have survived alright, but the USSR would have made it to the channel. You would have won WW2 in the same way Brazil, for example, did.
>>52273351
We told you to scrap it or deliver it to a British port (where you could continue to operate it independently like Poland did) or we would destroy it. You didn't respond so we did what was needed.
>>52276788
M'yea, it was stupid, I have to admit
Plantagenêts were French, tho :>
>>52270088
you made yourself Greek/Slav in the process tho.
We got that late game senpai
>>52277186
It still is the same lignage, actually.
>>52271881
>stronger
They almost had full control of Afghanistan at their height
>>52277313
Not really they called themselves English
>>52265386
>And another one was when zionist terrorists killed the lord high commissioner for the mandate of palestine, so we split the country in two and let them kill each other.
based
>>52265386
The Molotov Cocktail was pretty good banter I think
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eibClUBFTBM
englishs destroyed about 80% of the french chivalry (nobles).
this feels quite bad, probabyly the reason why we ended up being such pleb and made a commie revolution then turned into socialism full of non-whites.
the british are a cancer to the world since the very beginning.
they were never our ally nor our friends.
as a nation they should remain the enemy of the free world, until destroyed behind recognition.. We will have to wait.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schwedentrunk
>>52279247
your cuck church ruined the whole world and paved the way for degeneracy
>>52279247
Around archers, never relax
>>52276788
Are you demanding to be beaten by honorary French citizens and not vikings ?
your inbreded island is an evil cesspit and you know it, good people can't stay on your soil necause its killing them like poison.
>>52279330
it's funny that they complain that frenace and the EU is so shit and all .... it is their fault if we suck. They killed all the good ones.
english is a disease not a nationality
>>52279468
france*
We once cucked the Catholic church by resisting 4 crusades
>>52279468
If they let themselves get killed they weren't good enough desu
>>52269922
>France conquers most of Europe.
>Gets Europe to try and fuck us up at sea.
>Loses, gets mad, invades Russia.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Continental_System
>>52266918
>You forgot burning the white house
Which was a reasonable response to the burgers burning down Canadian government buildings.
>>52279592
>cheats and uses longbow who goes aginst the rules of chivalry at the time
>you weren't good enough desu
maybe if you weren't satan we would have a fair chance. idk
Daily reminder we defeated him
>>52279640
>continental system
best system ever, will be forever employed.
Holy shit ahaha
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1842_retreat_from_Kabul
Sweden and Denmark has had some pretty good banter back and forth with all the wars we've had.
As a Swede I must highlight when we marched across the ice over the belts (from the big peninsula in Denmark to the islands) and totally overrumpled the shit out of the Danes. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/March_Across_the_Belts
>>52280053
You mean your winter, right ?
![Superpower_map_1945[1].png](https://i.imgur.com/DkUzbeY.png "Superpower map 1945[1]")
